 Dedicated to the strength of the nation, proudly we hail those borough of the United States Army and United States Air Force presentation. Now here is our producer, the well-known Hollywood showman, C.P. McGregor. Thank you, thank you, and greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to your Theatre of Stars, where the foremost names in motion pictures join us for your entertainment. Our star is that enchanting actress, Barbara Britton, and our play title, Barbara of Middlesbrough. This is a light and romantic story of a girl whose brains enabled her to become class valedictorian upon graduation from college and whose beauty led from a graduation snapshot with a cover of an extensively red gazette and a glamorous job as a magazine model. You'll have the curtain for Act I of Barbara of Middlesbrough, right after this message from Wendell Niles. The uniform of the United States, whether it is worn by a soldier or an airman, means many things to many people. To people abroad, it means that the man wearing that uniform is a protector of the free way of life. To Americans, it means that army or Air Force man is a defender of freedom and an honored citizen. To the man himself, the uniform means service to his country and a valuable career, a career of personal satisfaction and development. Now back to our microphone, our producer. The curtain rises on Act I of Barbara of Middlesbrough, starring Barbara Britton as Barbara Brownfield. Spring has brought heavy rains, head colds, and graduation data Middlesbrough. Principal Horatia Brandewine of Middlesbrough College, sounding like compressed air being squeezed from an ancient pair of hand bellows, is delivering the annual graduation speech. It ends up the student body, as I always say, be prepared as you strive upon life's hard way. Remember to... Remember to apply the principle laid down here in your school. There's one principle that I've laid down an hour ago. And this new voice, ladies and gentlemen, belongs to a stranger in town, Mark Ellwood, freelance photographer from New York City, with time and a camera on his hands. Caught between trains, he is wandered into the graduation exercises at the college, just in time to hear Principal Brandewine introduce a very beautiful valedictorian. I always say, he's a valedictorian. And now here's your class, valedictorian, Mr. Barbara Brownfield. Members of the faculty, parents and friends. Speak for all my classmates, when I say that we who are graduating from Middlesbrough this afternoon are indeed grateful. We are embarking upon a resolve to turn to the role of being useful citizens, upholding the fine traditional honor of Middlesbrough. Oh, Barbara, my darling. Oh, mother, how was I? Your speech was wonderful. And you've made your old dad real proud. I thought you'd get a big kiss. Well, line up, everyone. This is an old Brownfield custom. There's yours, Daddy. Thank you. And what for you, mother? Bless you, darling. And, Sister Betty, you were just super far from... No, it's mine. I'm Cousin Uriah. Cousin who? Cousin Uriah. Cousin Uriah. That was quite a kiss. Yes. And this one's for Aunt Hepsaba. Aunt Hepsaba? Gee, she talks about you all the time. She does? Yes. Let's walk over here. And seeing that I've come all this way just for your graduation, I hope you'll be able to have dinner with me. But I've other plans. Well, that isn't... Oh, she'll be awfully disappointed. In fact, she gave me strict orders to take some pictures of you. Oh, same to you, Eunice. And I'll... about that dinner date. Don't you think it could be arranged? Well, why not come to dinner? But how's that? I'm sure Mother and Dad would like to hear more about Aunt Hepsaba. Hey, Hepsaba. But we've always called her Hep-Hep. You know, she's just like one of us. And I'll... about that dinner. Could we sort of have it somewhere quiet? There's so much Aunt Hepsaba wanted me to tell you. What do you say, Cousin? Well, it might be a little... Good. Good. I'll pick you up at 5.30. Oh, Father, there you are. I'll see your folks are coming back and I've got to run along. See you at 5.30. Hey, who was that young man you were getting so confident you were? He gives you like a long lost fiance. Where have you been hiding in these dreamies? Why, that's Cousin Uriah. Cousin Uriah? He doesn't look the Uriah type. But, Dad, well, Mother, you ought to know your own relatives. He's... he's Auntie Hep-Hep's son. Hep-Hep? But, darling, we have no relatives with the name of Hep-Hep. Over this imposter, just be on tap to help the Brownfield family give Cousin Uriah some of his own medicine. I think you're being real cruel. Well, now that we understand each other, why don't you run into the kitchen and help Mother? Oh, good evening, Cousin. Oh, good evening. Oh, Brandywine's speech must be catching. No, it's just the middle-braw wheeze. Some communities have their men of distinction, others have their women of distinction, and we have our wheeze of distinction. Have our wheeze of distinction. Say, do I detect a new note of sophistication in my little girl graduate? No, how does it look on me? Or don't you like it? Well, I first met and... Yes? And wanted to... to tell Aunt Hep about. Yes, sir. Shall we go? Well, uh, Cousin Uriah, Mother and Dad and Betty wanted to hear so much about Aunt Marzipan. So you're invited for dinner, isn't that sweet? Oh, no. I just remember... Oh, Mother and Dad, Betty. Cousin Uriah is here. Oh, hello. Cousin Uriah, this is Betty, my younger sister. Hello. And this is Mother Cousin Uriah. Oh, how are you, Uriah? Well, good evening. Oh, Father, this is Uriah. Well, she looks the spittin' image of old Adzikio. He does? Yes, just a picture of old Zikio. Zikio? Shall we go and sit down to that nice rose turkey? Yeah, but I tell you, I'm... I'm on a diet of corn pones and chetlins. Would you mind telling me just where you're driving me, Miss Brownfield? Why, Cousin, I knew you kept talking about your diet of corn pones while eating most of the turkey. So? So I thought I'd drive you down to the Dixieland dining car and see if we could get you some of that southern fried diet of yours. Lady, that does it. Stop the car! Oh! What are you trying to do, murder me? Oh, I'm sorry. You bellowed. Stop the car, so I did. Did you hurt your head? Oh, I have an indenture like the Neanderthal, man. That's all. Oh, I'm sorry. Here, let me see. Mm-hmm. Madam, you're a destructive individual. My cousin, Uriah. The name is Nadia Uriah. We could start off by calling me Mark. We could. All right, Mark. That's a start. Now all we need... I know just the place. Soft light, soft music, and no cover charge. Soft light, soft music, and no cover charge. Just a minimum, $5 per person. Oh, that's just luxury tags. Well, should we take advantage of this luxury and dance? Not until you explain your masquerade of cousin Uriah. Well, the name is Mark Elwood, home New York City, a heroine. Or should I say your lovely honey? You see, where I was born, woman's place is in... No, I know. Woman's place was in the field, toting that barge, lifting that bale, and cooking corn, pones, and chitlins. I swear you just seem to go on. Your lovely honey. I like that. It sort of makes it difficult to find you guilty. Thank you. And with that, I rest my case. Shall we dance now? The court is not a adjourned cousin. We're still waiting for the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Well, I had a few hours between trains. I wandered down Main Street, but Lowell Middleborough was deserted. I soon learned that it was graduation day. So camera in hand, I wandered down to take a look at this phenomenon. And I saw you. Go on. It was then I decided it would be nice to be related to you. Perhaps as a long-lost cousin. Good old cousin you're on. Tell me, what does a beautiful bridegown like you do from here on in? I mean, what happens now that you're a girl, graduate, and valedictorian to boot? Well, I'd like to try on my hand at a career. Doing what? I'd like to model. Perhaps go to New York City. They say I'm photogenic. Angel, I know you are. Take it from a guy who's just like that with the most important guys in the model agency business. Powers, Conway. Oh, do you know Mr. Conway? Like a brother. And now, Your Honor, what's the verdict in the case of Mark Elwood versus the people of Middleborough? Guilty. I'll appeal. And I hereby sentence you to face the music and dance. Well, he said, Mother, he said that he would recommend me to a number of the top modeling agencies in New York City. Oh, but darling, New York is such a big place. And besides, I'd hate to have you go there alone. Now, Mother, I'm a big girl. I've been to the big city before. Besides, Mark said he'd help me. And I know he's someone real important. Oh, he's real dreamy. But he does have an honest face. But what does he do for a living, dear? Oh, he hates to talk about himself. But the way he spends money, he must be very well off. We went to the Elysian Gardens and danced, and he ordered champagne. Where? Well, I always say, if a girl must marry, it never hurts to marry money. Now, Mother, what are you talking about? When a girl marries. It's Mother's favorite radio program. Anyway, it's past 12. New girls better get to bed. Say, Barbara. Yes, Father? Did Cousins E.K. ever get his components at the diner? Good night, Father. Operator, this is Mark Elwood. I want to talk collect to city editor Bill Daniels, the New York Star Mirror. Because I've got 700 pennies and they won't fit the telephone slot. Do you wish me to refer you to the supervisor? No, of course not. Just refer me to that tight-fisted city editor, Mr. William Daniels. Yeah. Hello. Hello, Bill. Yes, sir? I've got a terrific picture laid out of a graduation day in the most typical American town in the country. And Bill, I've got a couple of pictures of the most beautiful graduate you ever saw. So? I need 50 bucks to get back to New York. Look, my bag. But Bill, how will I get back to New York? If I... Please, for my story, Barbara of Middleborough starring Barbara Britton to bring you a brief message from our government. High school graduates, have you heard about the United States Army's technical school plan? If you have not heard, then pay especially close attention. You see, if you have recently graduated from high school, you can learn a valuable technical skill and receive good army pay while you're learning. This is really an earn-while-you-learn project. When you've finished, you'll be qualified for a special job in the Army, later in civilian life as well. More, you can choose the specialty you want from the 60 different courses on the Army list. Yes, you high school graduates can choose your training before you enlist. Fill out your application at your nearest United States Army and United States Air Force Recruiting Station at once. When your application has been approved, you can enlist with the absolute assurance that you'll get the technical course and training you want. Act now. The curtain rises on Act 2 of Barbara of Middleborough starring Barbara Britton as Barbara Brownfield. Barbara, a beautiful young girl from Middleborough, met Mark Ellwood, an attractive young man from Manhattan in rather a unique way. A stolen kiss at Barbara's graduation enjoyed a Barbara at the prospect of Mark's promise to further her modeling career. Two weeks have elapsed since that meeting in Middleborough. And on this bright New York morning and Mark Ellwood's cubicle of an office, he sees peeking out from under a mountain of bills a letter postmarked Middleborough. Hmm, Barbara Brownfield. Well, this should be pleasant reading. Starts off nice. And I can't thank you enough for your wonderful kindness and being responsible for Mr. Ajax Conway seeing the photograph you took of me in Middleborough. You wired to say he's coming here to sign me to a contract. Well, nice guy that Ellwood. Ajax Conway. Ajax, oh no! Miss Minsk, get me the aspirin bottle. You got a headache, Mr. Owens. Oh, this is terrible. Miss Minsk, where's the telephone board? It's sitting on it. Is that what was bothering you? Conway, Conway, Conway. Oh, I'm right. I knew it. Ajax Conway. Miss Minsk, find out when the next train leaves for Middleborough. But I still don't understand what you're screaming about. Remember those photographs of the sweet girl graduate I sold? Oh, she just got an offer from Conway. Jeez, well, the Conway Model Agency is the biggest outfit in the country. Yeah, but this offer came from Ajax Conway, who runs the biggest burlesque show in the country. Well, good morning, Biogram. Oh, good morning, Professor Brandewine. Yeah, that's quite a lot of verses you've got there. Well, we're having an important guest for dinner from out of town. He's come all the way from New York to interview me for a job. My way. Now, that's what I call a very intelligent employer. One who takes the time to investigate the background and the home life of his prospective employer. I'm sure he'll find you a perfect secretary. Oh, but he's not interested in the secretary. You see, it's Mr. Conway, you know, of the famous Conway girls. Oh, well, and I always said, the graduates of Middleborough were, as I've always said, trim in their work and trim in their endeavours. Thank you, Professor. Yes, well, if Mr. Conway wants a letter of recommendation, that is a confirmation of your character. But then I suppose that won't be necessary. You must have already seen a picture of him. Oh, yes, a friend of mine arranged it all. Oh, well. You always were our prize student in Elocution. Just remember, my dear, to look directly at your audience and speak from the pit of your stomach. Professor, I'm not going on the stage. But I thought you said that Mr. Conway is head of the Conway modeling agency. The modeling agency? Yes, and Mr. Conway wants me to go to work for him as a model. My word times do change. Conway girls are quite famous. They were in my time, too. Really? Oh, my, yes. Many is the time when I went to New York and bought tickets. Ooh, there's Mrs. Brandywine. Well, good luck, my dear. Thank you. You ever thought I'd see the day when one of my girls would be with Mr. Conway? Well, remember me to your mother and father. Oh, that must be Mr. Conway. Mother, are you all ready? Oh, how do I look? Oh, wonderful. Oh, thanks, dear. My, I must say, the dinner table certainly looks beautiful. Oh, gosh. Betty, remember, don't ogle Mr. Conway all through dinner like you did Mark Elwood. Mr. Conway is one of America's most distinguished personalities. Oh, mine. Well, open the door, Betty. OK, Barbara. George, why don't you use your key? Oh, I forgot it. Well, why are the three of you glaring at me like I was caught in the act of breaking into somebody's house? But, Dad, you've got to get ready for Mr. Conway. He's do here any minute. This must have been the right house, because I heard someone mention the name Conway. Are you Mr. Conway? That's right, Ajax Schmo Conway. Oh, well, come in. Come in, Mr. Conway. Ain't no mind if I do. Would you come into the living room, Mr. Conway? Ain't no mind if I do. Nice jerk. Would you care for a cocktail, Mr. Conway? Yes, I'll have a Bronx Boilermaker. Uh, Bronx Boilermaker? Make it a double. Come along, Betty. We'll sort of give Dad a hand. Boilermaker, double. Mr. Conway, I can't tell you how wonderful it is if you'd have come all this way to interview me. And beautiful dames. I mean girls in my business. Let me see your gams. Are they all right, Mr. Conway? Well, lady, I said gams, not gums. Look up your skirts. Let's have a look at those legs. Oh, where do you want me to stand? Haven't you ever strutted a runway? Well, I know. I've never been to the races. I've never been there. That's a very funny routine. Okay, let's see them. Yeah, they're very good. You know any steps? Oh, well, just the ones I learned from Miss Overholl. Let's see them. Lady, I didn't ask you if you know how to walk. I mean dance, like this. Gee, Mr. Conway, I'll bet you can be real half after a Boilermaker. Yeah, huh? Oh, well, where is it? Here you are, Mr. Conway. This is the first time I've ever had one out of a trophy cup. Well, that's what it said in my cocktail book. Yeah. It said... It's mud in your eye. It said two quarts of beer and one quart of burgundy wine. Or should it have been bourbon? Someone slip me a mic. Better, Mr. Conway? Yeah. What happened to me? Where's my wallet? Your wallet? Maybe he wants us to call his own doctor. Brownfield? There's only one thing you forgot to serve with that trophy cup. A stretcher. How do you feel now, Mr. Conway? It's the first time I ever started out with a hangover. Would you like to have dinner now, Mr. Conway? What can I lose? Oh, I'll get it. Hello? He's here. Just a moment. It's for you, Mr. Conway. For me? You don't get it. Well, that's what the man said. I mean... I hope the cops aren't giving me trouble again. Oh, do they model, too? Get on, Mr. Conway speaking. Oh, you're who? Oh, I see. What's that? Oh, I didn't know that. No, she didn't say anything to me about it. Yeah, okay. Yeah, thank you. Thank you very much. Well, there's no reason for me to stay. What? I was just told that Miss Brownfield's been signed with the Miners-Burlesque Theater. Burlesque? Miners-Burlesque Theater? And you knew it all along. May I ask, told you that? Your manager, Mr. Mark Elwood. He's been trying to get you again. Oh, why don't you talk to him? Not if he were the last man in Middleborough. But you can't stay in the house all your life. You haven't been outside for a whole week. I just don't feel like it. You mean you don't want to run into Mark Elwood? I'm afraid I'll choke him with my own hands. Nervous. He's scaring away that poor Mr. Conway with that fantastic story. Yes, Mother. There's someone here to see you. Mother, I told you that... Barbara. Mark Elwood, how dare you! Well, this is where I came in. Bye now. Now, Barbara, let me explain. I've got something important to tell you. Sorry, I'm not interested in anything you have to say. Not even in a modeling contract? Of what? A modeling contract. But I thought you didn't want me to be a model. After all, you're my manager, aren't you? For Burlesque theaters? I had to pretend I was your manager. You didn't have to pretend I was signed to that Burlesque show. It was the only way I could get rid of old Ajax. You're... you're incorrigible. Ajax Conway is. He's also the manager of the biggest Burlesque show in the country. Now I know you're crazy. There are two Conways. Ajax and Harvey. They're not related. It's Harvey who has the modeling agency. Why did that Burlesque man come all the way to Middleborough? Well, never mind, never mind that now. The important thing is I've got a contract for you from the Conway that counts. Harvey Conway himself. Mark, why have you done all this? Well, I... I felt like a heel getting you in all this trouble. What else could I do but go to Harvey Conway himself? Barbara, I... I'm just a freelance photographer, but I've worked for Harvey on lots of assignments. He took one look at your pictures and told me to sign you up. Oh, Mark, you're a darling. Say that again, please. I said you're a darling. No, that's what I call un-cousinly words, but I love them. Mark, you're mad. That makes two of us. Father, what are you doing with that lather on your face? That's nothing compared to the lather you need in my heart. What are you doing with that lather on your face? Never mind the lather. Daddy forgot to finish shaving. This is too much. That's too much. This is just a picture. Well, I guess it's about time for me to get going. I'm sorry, Mark. I don't know what's come over, Father. Well, I'll tell you, I was getting a shave at the barbershop downtown, and I picked up this magazine with your picture on the cover. Me? On a magazine cover? Oh, you're worth really. Let me see it. Come on, here. Barbara Brownfield has been nominated Miss Police Gazette of 1949. Photographed by Mark Ellwood. The curtain falls in the final act of Barbara of Middleborough. Our star, Barbara Britton, will return for a curtain call after this important message from Wendell Niles. Attention all Air Reserve and Air National Guard officers. Between now and July 1949, the expanding United States Air Force needs 10,000 of you. All Air Reserve and Air National Guard officers who volunteer now for three years of active duty will receive the highest rank they held before they were relieved from extended active duty. You are needed most if you are under 45 years of age and have had experience as a professional, technical, or administrative officer. Vacancies exist in all grades, up to and including Lieutenant Colonel. Your Air Force needs you now. Obtain application form number 125 at your nearest Air Force base, recruiting station, Air Reserve, or Air National Guard unit at once. Or by writing to the Chief of Staff, United States Air Force. Attention, recall, Washington, 25 D.C. Here again at the microphone, our star, Barbara Britton, and our producer. Well, Miss Barbara Covergirl, come out and take a bow. We're glad to have you back with us again. It's good to be back, CP. But let's forget that Covergirl business. That was all a case of Mark's personal aggrandizement. And besides that, he was always trying to promote his own interests. I see what you mean. But did you notice the parallel between the other Barbara and yourself? Well, uh, she made the cover of the Gazette. I didn't. I got my screen test in the newsreels, and she didn't. No, she jumped from class valedictorian to a top-ranking model agency. You hurtled in emotion pictures from a float in the rose parade, and into stardom without the customary bit-park build-up, even if your first screen test came from the parade newsreels. I was told I should go into pictures, which I believed after discounting it 100%. But it turned out to be a surefire way to stardom. Well, what's new with you in pictures and what happened to your column in the Hollywood nightlife? Well, nothing about the column, C.P. I was just writing that between pictures. And as for the latest picture, well, cover-up is my current release. That's the one that costars Bill Bendix and Dennis O'Keefe, isn't it? Yes. And what's new with you, C.P.? How's that ranch of yours coming? Great. And those prize blue ribbon chickens? Those poultry patricians. I work my fingers to the bone for them. Do you think they appreciate it? Good home, easy life. I only show them four or five times a year. They're all a bunch of clucks. They don't help out at all. You know, you know, produce eggs? Those chickens don't have to do anything. Just stand around all day and look pretty. Oh, that's it, B. I better ask you what you're doing to earn their living here in the theater next week. Next week, Barbara, and ladies and gentlemen, we present Dick Faran in a comedy romance journal of a hometown boy. This is the story of a returning veteran who finds he has won a national prize through the publication of notes made into book form of his hometown reflections. Mere nostalgic jottings made while he was in the army. There's plenty of fast-moving action here, and I know you'll enjoy the play. I'm sure your little family will live well for another week, C.P., with an interesting play like that on tap. Goodbye. Goodbye, Barbara. Please have a join us next week, ladies and gentlemen, when we bring you Dick Faran in Journal of a Hometown Boy. Until then, this is C.P. McGregor saying thanks for listening and cheerio from Hollywood. Barbara Bretton appeared through the courtesy of a Hollywood coordinate committee which arranges for the appearance of all stars in this program. Script was by John Slott and Emil Frank with music under the direction of Eddie Scravan. The program is transcribed in Hollywood for release at this time. Wendell Niles speaking.