 So, today I want to talk about the men who want to genuinely invest in a long-term relationship versus those men who will use you, take advantage of you, string you along, waste your time. I think this would be an important topic to dive into today. So, but I want to share with you a meme my girlfriend had sent me yesterday, actually two of them, which I thought was kind of funny. We can dive into this conversation of how to really recognize the man who's chasing you and in particular what a man needs to actually chase or invest in a relationship. So, this first meme I think is kind of cute. It says, dating when you're older is like finding a shopping cart with good wheels at Walmart. Dating when you're older is like finding a shopping cart with good wheels at Walmart, which I think that's kind of funny because recently we're at the grocery store and we got a cart that had terrible wheels on it. So, I was like, oh, as soon as we got a good one, yay, we got a good one. And that's what it might feel like in the dating, mating and relating realm today. But the meme I wanted to dive into for everyone today reads like this, and I'm going to repeat it twice. I no longer want to see where it goes. I want to know exactly where you plan on taking me on taking us. Let me repeat that for everyone. I no longer want to see where it goes. I want to know exactly where you plan on taking us, taking me and taking us. So, have you ever thought to yourself, where is this relationship going? Have you ever thought about asking a man, where is this relationship going? Certainly, I think that's a very valid question. What are your intentions with investing time with me? What are your intentions now that you've pursued me and we've been physically intimate with one another? What are your intentions? I think these are really good questions to ask, and yet so few women are reluctant to ask the question, where is this relationship going? For fear that it will cause the man to discontinue wanting to see you. Think about that. Fear that he will discontinue wanting to see you by simply asking, what are your intentions? Isn't that kind of scary to think that this relationship is so weak? It's so fragile by simply asking the question, what are your intentions? And yet, many women literally have duct tape over their mouth when it comes to this question. It's no wonder dating now is what I call a long drawn out version of friends with benefits. That's right, a long drawn out version of friends with benefits. See, dating today seems to be lacking one fundamental piece for creating a healthy happy relationship, and that is intention. Intention, in other words, what is your intention? Why are you investing in me? See, one of the reasons why I created my private coaching program, by the way, there's a link right here to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. What I help women do is differentiate between the men who will most likely waste your time or use you versus the men who genuinely want a life mate. Genuinely want a life mate. See, what this meme is asking is, what is your plan? You've made this investment in me, what is your plan? Now, ladies, you also should be thinking the same thing. What is your plan for the amount of time you've spent with someone? What is your plan? What is your desire? These are really good questions to ask yourself rather than finding yourself in short lived experiences. So we're going to dive into this topic right now. I want to share with you how to differentiate between the men who are going to waste your time versus those men who really will... Let me re-backtrack. Let me rewind that. To know a man will only chase you when this happens, that's the title. What has to happen? This is what I want to lean into. What has to happen? So when a man is... Let me just read from my notes. I simply say when a man is in a good place, he has his act together and he knows what he wants. When the right person arrives, he'll invest in her. He'll chase her. I'm going to repeat that for everyone. When a man is in a good place, he has his act together and he knows what he wants. When the right person arrives, he'll invest in her, he'll chase her. And here's the thing, when a man is not in a good place or his act isn't together, or he doesn't know what he wants. He'll string a woman along, seeking some connection to fill the hole inside of him, but these men rarely ever commit to a woman he's using. In other words, he'll never commit to this woman even when things change in his life. When his act is together, he's in a good place or he knows what he wants. It's very rare that he'll want this woman because when a man is not in a good place and yet you're spending time with a man not in a good place, when he's actually in a good place, he discards the person he's with because he wants to become a bright, shiny penny to someone new. He doesn't want to stay with this person who basically helped him out along the way because she saw him at his worst. He wants to be bright, shiny penny to someone new. Has this ever happened to you or have you ever experienced this? Now it's important to differentiate the idea of chase here for a moment. See, chase is, you gotta understand that chase, a lot of men will chase lust. They'll chase limerence. Lust and limerence is a man will chase sex. In fact, every man will chase sex. I have chased sex so many times I could make your head spin. And certainly when a man is even in a good place, he'll chase sex, okay? You see, ultimately to differentiate what has to happen for a man who really wants, who is willing to invest in someone, he has to want a significant and serious relationship in his life. And if he's ambivalent about it for whatever reason that's going on in his life, he may chase you, he may invest in you, he may seek connection with you, but that doesn't mean he'll fully commit to you. See, for a man to fully commit, one factor has to be in place before he's ever going to fully commit to a woman. By the way, have you ever heard the phrase, women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment? I'm gonna repeat that. Women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment. What that basically means is, woman decides when she'll have sex with a man. The man decides who he'll commit to. And this one factor has to be in place before a man can ever truly commit to a woman. And he has to be experiencing this thing to really lean into a healthy, serious, happy relationship. And he has to reach a point of, I want to take care of this person. I want to take care of this person. Doesn't mean that he has to pay all her bills. It doesn't mean that he pay, it's about fully financially taking care of her. Taking care of can mean a variety of different things. It could be financially or at least be able to contribute financially to the partnership of the relationship. He has to want to do that for the two of you. He has to want to physically take care of you if you're ever sick. If you're ever in a place where you actually might not, you might find yourself in a terminal illness. He has to be in that place of reaching, I want to take care of her no matter what. And this also means I have to reach the place of emotionally taking care of her. This means trust has to have been built and trust isn't just about fidelity, trust is. Can I count on this person when I need them? Do they have my best interest at hand? Can I share my most vulnerable side knowing that they're not going to run away? That is what trust is all about, to be vulnerable, to be authentic, to be transparent with a partner. That's what trust is all about. For a man to reach this point, he has to A, truly know he wants a committed relationship before he ever goes on a date with a woman. See, the men who are ambivalent about it, the men that are not intentional, you're rolling the dice, okay? Now hopefully if he has his act together and he's in a good place emotionally, the odds might be in your favor, but if he's not in a good place emotionally, if he's not in a good place physically in his life, if he doesn't have his act together, then your chances of this person actually chasing you for something other than sex is a very slim chance, very slim chance. See, he has to know that he wants a life mate. And when he wants a life mate, he'll invest in the right woman. See, you'll know this ladies, you'll know within three months, if a man, if he's progressing the relationship along, he's in a good place, he's got his act together and he's been very clear about wanting a serious relationship, you're not even gonna be watching this video, you didn't even need to watch this video. What you're mostly wondering is, I've got a guy who's broken, he's not in a good place, he doesn't have his act together, he doesn't know what he wants. What's gonna change for this guy? I mean, unless you're a wonder woman, and believe me, if you're a wonder woman on the first meeting, he's gonna do everything he can to keep you in his life, okay? If you're hoping for some magic formula, some magic fairy dust to come down from the ethers, that will change him, you're barking up the wrong tree, that's delusional thinking. And ultimately, it does require a bit of connection, a bit of time, a bit of investment to one another, but when a man says, I wanna take care of her, then he knows that's the woman he wants to invest for the long term and hopefully you're in the same place with him as well. I hope this is resonating with you to really know what it takes for a man to really chase someone from a healthy perspective, he has to want a life mate. If he doesn't want a life mate, I need to take it slow, I don't know what I want, I need time. All those men that are putting you in the category of casual relationship, situationships, friends with benefits, but you don't really know it, those men will waste your time and I'm here to encourage you to try something different. That's why, listen, if you need to help, check out the links below in the description to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. All right, for those who know my format, this is our live stream. If you have a question for me, write the word question, then post the question there after or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat, all the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there in the Obey shirt. He's my son who passed away almost five years ago. In fact, five years ago next week, week from today. And his honor I donate to causes like the Hoffman process and Insight Institute, just the name of you. All right, oh, also the Seeds of Love, which is an organization for children who've been abandoned by their parents because they have a terminal illness. This is in Cali, Columbia. And so I'm donating to that cause as well. So make sure you invest by hitting that little dollar sign and purchasing a Super Sticker Super Chat. And if you're watching the replay, you can hit a super thanks. All right, if you have a question, write the word question and let's get it going. Sammy says, hey, Jonathan, of course this resonates with me. Well, that's good to hear. Cici says, I can't find anyone worth more than two dates. Remember going back to this meme that I shared earlier, let me read that again. Dating when you're older is like finding a shopping cart with good wheels at Walmart. I get that. I understand how that feels, you know? And so, listen, before I met Marie, I had been single for about five years. I mean, not in a relationship with someone. And I remember I couldn't get past a second date with anyone. When I say I couldn't get past a second date, there were a lot of first dates that happened that I didn't wanna meet someone a second time. There were only two or three women who I actually saw a second time. I remember one woman I dated for about three weeks. We saw each other about a half a, no, maybe seven, eight, nine times. I can't remember, about nine times. But it just wasn't the right fit. So I understand what it feels like to not get past that second date mark, okay? So what does that say? Says that, you know, there's a lot of moving parts into developing a healthy happy relationship with someone. Certainly that chemistry piece is what we recognize first. But beyond chemistry, there has to be an alignment with a person. There has to be synergy. Do you share the same values? Are your lifestyles blendable? And more importantly, does this person have the emotional maturity to actually dive into a healthy happy relationship? And I can understand where a lot of first dates never get anywhere because the reality is these days we're meeting people through our devices. We're meeting people through our devices. So we don't even know if we have any energetic connection with them. You know what, in the case of Marie and I, I was kind of fortunate because, you know, when we had our first date, it wasn't even a date. We were just planning on meeting each other. We took the date out of the equation and we were just two friends meeting. And I didn't realize that we would have this good connection with one another. I really wasn't expecting a relationship to happen out of this encounter. I really just thought I was just meeting a new friend. And I was surprised that we actually did really hit it off. Now, we weren't perfectly aligned with one another, but what we had was intentionality. We had our act together. And what did I say? We were in a both in a relatively good place in our life. And because we had these three things going for us, we're both on the same page, you know, take that with a little bit of chemistry and we were off to the races. So I get why it's frustrating and at the same time, I just want to remind everyone, you got to break some eggs to make an omelet. That's part of the process. If you think that this isn't going to be easy, I've got news for you. There's nothing easy about finding a life mate in our current environment today. So you have to be willing to persevere. And she and I met through a dating app or dating site, I should say it was match.com. She believes we first met on millionaire match, but it was, I believe we might have connected with one another there, but our first email with one another was through match.com. So just so you know that dating sites do work. All right, well, thanks for your share, CC. But Marie says, happened to my daughter. She broke up, then she ran into him and she got so depressed. He's a big player, sucked the life out of her. He's a freeloader with friends and he think he's all that. Yeah, sadly that does happen. Thanks for sharing that, Marie. Okay, Lady Luna says, when a man says he isn't good boyfriend material because he's a widower with two kids and doesn't have time to see anyone more than once a week, is that an excuse? Dates are only dinner. No, he is absolutely telegraphing that he will use you. That's what he's telegraphing. Now he's not, his conscious mind doesn't think he's using you. What his conscious mind is saying is I don't have enough time for a serious relationship. He's telling you consciously I'm not a good boyfriend material but he certainly, and I guarantee you, he's absolutely willing to request to put his penis inside your vagina. I guarantee you, he has no problem making that request and a lot of women will acquiesce to that request. I know it was kind of a crude way of saying sex, the penis inside the vagina but he's clearly said I'm not boyfriend material which means you will never be my girlfriend. I have two kids, they take up my time. And so are these excuses? No, he's clearly telling you he will never choose you as a partner. See, a man knows rather quickly the women he's willing to invest in from a long-term perspective versus the women he will use from a short-term perspective. These are men with short-term mating strategies versus a long-term mating strategy. And he's clearly identified himself as a man who's seeking short-term gain and that's why dates are only dinner because alcohol leads to the penis going inside the vagina. Okay, lady, I hope I've given you some context if you have some more questions to ask, please do so. All right, Leah has a question, she's in the house. Leanne, I had a recent breakup with an emotionally available man. I met him at a Mexican restaurant that we're regulars at. I'm going to continue to see him on a regular basis for happy hour. Wait, and then the follow-up, okay, now I got it here. How can I make things go smoothly without booth call, without booth call hit up? Well, he's clearly, and it's, you had a recent breakup. He sounds like he's a good guy. You just simply don't need to engage with him. And if you want to engage, just be friendly with him, be polite, be diplomatic, act like a woman with grace. If he does make overtures from a sexual perspective, which that's what happy hour does, gives the man alcohol courage to want to, you know, request physical intimacy with you. You have the power to say, no. I'd be curious to know what the reason was you broke up and how long you dated for, but that's my invitation for you. All right, Jennifer's in the house. Hey, Jennifer, I had so many one-date wonders. Some of the men I met weren't seeking serious relationships so I don't show interest. And the others weren't a match energetically. Yes, guess what? You gotta break a lot of eggs. I think I've had hundreds and hundreds of meat and greets in my life. Some women were probably, I was interested in them. They weren't interested in me. Some were interested in me. I wasn't interested in them. Some of them we weren't interested in each other. Some of them I wasn't aligned with them. Or our lifestyles were a mismatch or they didn't have the emotional maturity I seek or I didn't have the emotional maturity they see. So, you know what, it's a role, it is effort. It does require effort to attract a healthy, happy mate in your life. This thinking in, I hope it is. All right, as Sammy says, you gotta break some eggs, exactly. Kathy says, date tons and tons of guys, some for months, some for years, never had anyone break. Well, that's good. Yep, nobody breaks. Oh, I think I get it. So, you gotta break some eggs to make an omelet. I think what you meant to say, Kathy has none of them turned into an omelet. Well, guess what? There is a lid for every pot out there. You know, when your mindset is in a really, so let's examine who are the women who attract great men in their life? What do they have in common? You know, there was a book I've recommended. Now, I don't love everything about this book. Where is it? Hold on, where'd it go? Where is that book? Oh, shoot. I was gonna talk about the book, Why Men Love Bitches. Now, I'm not a big fan of 100% of this book, but what I love about this book is the empowerment it talks about. It talks about some of the fundamentals I teach in my book called, What the Heck Is Self Love? Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Open Spiritual Work. By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of my book. And by the way, I'm gonna keep talking. I'm curious where the heck that book is now. Why Men Love Bitches, it's somewhere here. God, that's bugging me. Well, anyway, I'm gonna have to look for it later. All right, so why do I'm talking about this book? It's an empowerment book. When the one common thread every woman has who's in a healthy, happy relationship with a man who's an emotional grownup has his act together and knows what he wants, those women having common, they're not attached to the outcome. They are very clear on their standards. They set boundaries. They're in a good place in their life. They have their act together. They're not negative towards men. They're not complaining about men. They're not complaining about the process. But most importantly, what they have is a sense of, I'm okay, no matter what happens. I don't need a man to fulfill my life. I'm not dependent upon men. I just like the idea of the idea of what George Clooney said. Life is better with company. And when you come at it from the mindset of really healthy, happy mindset, you'd be surprised you wouldn't even have to put yourself out on dating apps. Quality men come out of the woodwork when you're in the right mindset. That's something I invite for everyone who's watching this. All right, Kristen writes, it's three months and I'm seeing him tonight. How do I ask him, where is it going? So, okay, so the question, where is this relationship going? All right, we know that question isn't all that attractive. So let's think of other ways to ask the same question. One question could be is, what is your desire for spending time with me? Are you seeking a long-term committed relationship? And am I someone that you're considering from that regard? What is your desire for seeing me? Are you seeking a long-term commitment? And am I one of those persons that you consider for a long-term perspective? It's been three months. Okay, that's a question to ask. You can ask him, what does commitment mean to you? What does commitment look like for you? When do you think you'll know you're ready for a committed relationship? Ask questions and start going down the rabbit hole of where these answers take you. See, I've never liked the question, where is this relationship going? I like what the meme says. Let me read this meme one more time for everyone, okay? Let me read this meme. I no longer wanna see where it goes. I wanna know exactly where you plan on taking me on taking us. See, you can simply say, look, I only wanna invest, I'm not interested in investing any more time in this relationship if you don't know what you want from a long-term perspective. I'm gonna shut down the vagina. I'm gonna put a chassis belt on, okay? When you come, if you're not, if you don't know the answer to that question, then I'm putting a chassis belt on you. You can take me out to dinners, you can wine and dine me, but you don't get my vagina until you actually know the answer to that question. Now, some of you might be saying, well, Jonathan, that's sexist, and that's misogynistic, and that's so, you know, antiquated or whatever. Women are allowed to do whatever they want. They can do whatever they want with their bodies. I get it, but when it comes to understanding men, recognize this. A man gets to have, basically, what's the quote I heard? Why give wife benefits at girlfriend prices? Why give wife benefits at girlfriend prices? What I mean to say is not that I want sexist to be used as a game, I'm simply saying this. Sex should be intimate, physical intimacy with one another should be coveted. It should be reserved for people who want to explore a long-term relationship, not this cavalier way we approach dating today. And quite frankly, dating today is just those, like I said, dating is a long drawn out version of friends with benefits. You know, it literally took me a few weeks to clearly state to Marie, I want to pursue a long-term relationship with you. It didn't take me very long. In fact, the one common thread I've seen with every man who's in a healthy, happy relationship, they all say the same thing. I knew very early on, I knew within three months I wanted to pursue a long-term relationship with someone. I recently officiated a wedding for a couple. He said I knew by the fourth month I wanted to explore a long-term relationship with her. And then they got married two and a half, three years later. Men know within three months. You're right at the three month mark. So I hope that helps, Kristen. All right, thanks so much. Wanda's in the house, question. I'm now on Facebook dating app and I seem to get all of the guys that the photos start off younger and end up with older. I put in my profile looking for a companion with space. Is that a good idea? Companionship with space. Well, first off, most people over 60 years, 50, 60 years old are gonna use younger photos because of age discrimination. Men and women discriminate based on age. Ladies, you are no better than men when it comes to age discrimination. Men tend to want younger women for a variety of different reasons. One in particular is a younger woman might be more sexually attractive than a woman's own age. That's one possible reason. Also another possible reason is men believe that women of their own age are rather bitter and jaded. And by the way, there's a lot of evidence to suggest the men might feel that way. But be valid for feeling that way. I'm simply here to say, but women discriminate men based on age, based on body type. You do also the same type of discrimination. So it's not uncommon that people use younger pictures. Does that make it right? No, it doesn't. But people just want a chance. They just want a chance at a relationship. So, but you're looking for a companion with space. Just remember you're going to get someone who may not want to fully commit to you. And if that's okay with you, that's fine too. I'm not here to judge that. I'm just here to say, if you follow my channel, my hope is because you want a long-term, healthy, happy relationship with someone. All right, thanks for posting. Cindy wrote, what does it mean after a five year relationship? He tells me he needs some space and he needs time to find himself. Is this a breakup or does the 15 year old man does this to his partner? Well, clearly something isn't working in your relationship for him. Okay, something isn't working. I don't know how often you see each other. I don't know if you've integrated into each other's lives, but something isn't working. So I would ask him, obviously something isn't working for you in this relationship requiring space. May ask you, what needs are not being met for, what needs do you have from me that are not being met? What needs do you have from me that are not being met that requires you to take space? What needs do you have from me that are not being met that requires you to have space? Now he's not gonna tell you the truth, okay? Because I suspect the two of you do not have the kind of relationship that was built on emotional intimacy. You probably had a surface level relationship. Surface level is you're doing life. You're not being in each other's life, okay? That's my suspicion anyway. So that's what you can ask him. He's not gonna answer honestly, most likely. Then you have to say, do you wanna reserve yourself for a man who doesn't want to be with you? And you'll most likely wait around because that's what women do, you'll waste time. And then when he finds someone else to replace you, you're gonna be bad mouthing him to every one of you and your friends. See, I'm here to encourage everyone to build a solid relationship from the very first time you planted the seed and you began watering the relationship. And my suspicion is the two of you don't have that kind of relationship that has been co-created and genuinely integrated with one another. And again, I'm making a lot of assumptions here, Cindy. But what I will say this, at the moment in time, he doesn't wanna be in relationship with you. That is very crystal clear. And I'm sorry you've experienced that. Leah says we dated four months, he doesn't wanna commit. Well, does he get your vagina on a regular basis without that commitment? That's a question I have for you. See, ladies, why are we having sex with people that don't wanna commit to us? Why are we having sex with people that we haven't built trust with one another? That's a question I have. It's good, sex is good, sex is fun. But guess what? If you're not integrating into each other's lives, if you're not building from the very first meeting, then what's the chances that's gonna last later on down the road when there's bumps in the relationship? Please forgive me for being crass, but that's my opinion on this. Jennifer says, thanks for the shout out. My last date told me he was a workaholic and it comes first. He told me who he is and I believed him. Good to know that. By the way, a lot of this stuff you could have gotten on the telephone before you ever met him in person. Question, in a long-term relationship of late, I have one after another ailment to figure out but I feel guilty, so how long can he hang in there? You know, I think when there is genuine, genuine love for another human being, you'll want, how do I say this? You wanna be there even if they're going through their worst when you genuinely love another human being, you know, when they're going through their ailments. Recognizing that life is rather short, folks, I mentioned earlier that by the way, please purchase a super sticker, super chat if this is resonating with you. Please donate to the Conner Asley Scholarship Fund. You know, my son's passing will be five years next week. Life can change in a moment. I'm grateful for every moment of those 19 years and a few months I had with my son. You know, had he died at birth or prior to that, I would have felt the same way and my point being is every day is a gift. So when there's genuine love, we want to stick around because there's genuine love and care there. See, the problem with most everybody today is they don't know how to build love with one another. Let me just tell you, bonding happens through social activities. It happens through hobbies. It happens through mutual interest. It happens through spending time with family and friends when you integrate into each other's lives, when you're both in a good place and you have your act together. That's when love begins to happen. Love doesn't happen on the internet. Love doesn't happen on text messaging. Love happens in the doing of life together. That's when real love begins to happen. So my hope is for you. He hangs in there for you, Melanie. I hope that for you. Thanks so much for your question. Kim says, weekend getaway, weak vacation, non-paid from work for me costing one K. He wanted to meet his friends on a trip out of state, said he'd help with the cost. Well, that's, I don't see a question there, but Kim, that's very sweet that he's willing to help out. That sounds like a good man, at least from what you've said so far. Thanks for that question. Kathy says, Jonathan, why do you think all guys that I dated for so many years, months or willing to date more without sex? Why do you think all guys that I've dated for many years, months or willing to date more without sex? I don't really understand your question. I apologize. I'm not understanding the context of that question. Ms. Ashley says, I feel like Tupperware, it's hard to find a lid that hasn't been washed in the dishwasher. Oh, what a cute, share there. Thank you for that quote. All right. Let's see, simply sky blue as a question. I work 60 hours a week and overnight off two days a week. That seems like a deal breaker for a man that I met the other night who's a banker. Should I even bother trying to date? I'll be candid with you. I knew for me, and I suspect it might be the same for this banker, I wanted a day in, day out relationship where we spent on average a minimum of three or four days and nights a week together, doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interest, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and our professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy, that led to either moving in together, getting married. So if someone had a very busy work schedule, that wouldn't have worked for me. Now, with that said, you most likely have to find someone who has a busy schedule, but just remember, people that have a busy schedule do what's called a bubble relationship. They get together, have a good time, but oftentimes it's only in the context of that good time that that relationship is, it's not really bonding outside of the good time. You have to have conflict to grow from. You have to have contrast to grow from. So should you bother dating, you should always make effort. I'm not here to suggest what you should or shouldn't do. Just recognize that a lot of men who are like myself wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't have the time to invest in the kind of relationship that I wanted. Now, there are plenty of men that I have are only capable of a part-time relationship. That's the men you should be looking for. All right? All right, Sandra has a question. I've been with this man for over six years. He spends his money on me and shows me a great time when he's in town, works out of town and travels. When marriage comes up, he says he's not marriage material. I'm assuming your question is why? Well, because he gets all the benefits of sweeping into town, whining and dining you, getting his sex, and then he can move right back out to what he's doing. It's quite possible he could be married. That's a possibility. He could have a couple relationships, but this is a man who clearly, after six years, who doesn't want to commit to you long-term, what are you doing? What are you, let me ask you this question, Sandra. What do you want before you met him? What did you want? Remember I said in the beginning of this broadcast, I said, a man will chase you when this happens, ladies, you can only receive, listen, you can only, you have to know what you want and then choose men who want the same thing. You have to, six years for you to drag the set, for allowing it to go on six years tells me, you don't know what you want. And if you do, you're hoping the magic fairy dust will change this guy, Sandra. Clearly state what you want, then establish that standard and that boundary with him and if it doesn't meet, then you move on. Sorry I'm yelling. Sometimes I feel like I gotta smack you all upside the head. BCM says, thank you for you are fabulous, love your info all you share. Thank you, I appreciate you. Hey, you know what's funny, right while I was working, I got a text message from my son. I wanna share this with everyone. Out of the blue, my son texted me. Here, I just wanna show this to everybody. Hey, I just felt like saying I love you. I feel like I forget to say it sometimes and I appreciate you. I think I trained my son right. The fact that he does that. Folks, you know, when you genuinely have, think about your children. These are the people that oftentimes we're giving the love and they don't give it back to us, right? Well, this is what happens with a lot of you women. You're giving love to men and they aren't giving it back to you. A real healthy person like my son is will share how they feel about you out of the blue. Anyway, thank you so much for your questions or thanks for I appreciate that. All right, let's see. Oh, Susan's in the house. I caught you live. By the way, folks, everyone, I want you to type in the search bar, Susan Winter. Susan Winter, okay? She is fabulous. I love her content. I love what she has to share. I mean, the search bar of YouTube, follow her work. She is fantastic. Go to her channel as soon as I wrap up tonight and click on and subscribe to her channel, okay? Susan, I love you. Thanks for being on. She's a great coach. All right, Ms. McCoy's Oak Hill Farm says, what are the signs of scammers? There seems to be a ton of them out there. So a couple signs, a couple things are they oftentimes tend to be widowers. Okay, first and foremost, they rarely want to get on the telephone, but that's starting to change because of AI. They rarely want to get on the telephone. They want to take it off the dating apps to your email accounts. They never face time with you. That's the fastest way to, you know, by the way, someone who is either a catfisher or a scammer will not face time WhatsApp or Zoom with you. Folks, that should be something you should do by the third interaction with someone is immediately verify if they're real. And so that's the best way to solve that problem. Get on, and if they refuse, just say, okay, when you can, then we'll talk, okay? All right, McCoy says, what are the things a person could ask for proof of who they are and not step on a person's privacy? You know, if someone is willing to put themselves out there on the dating sites as an example or if someone wants to date, I think you have every fucking right to ask for their first, last name, okay? And the city they live in. If they're too private to give out that information, I don't care. By the way, ladies, you have to be willing to do the same thing because we don't know who's real. I think you have every right to do a background check. I think you have every right to look them up under social media, okay? But the best thing to do is do a face time before you invest hours upon hours upon thousands and thousands and thousands of hours text messaging. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. I hope you had a good day. Oh my God, let me send you a kiss emoji. You're so beautiful. Oh my God, you're so handsome. How's your day? I'm thinking about you. Oh, I'm thinking about you. Thinking about you. Thinking about you. You're on T-O-Y, thinking of you. Thinking of you toy. I'm always thinking of you all day long. I just think of you and I think of you and I think of you. Isn't this fucking exhausting? Isn't exhausting to have a text relationship? Want to get real? Get on the phone, FaceTime with one another, WhatsApp with one another, meet each other in person. All right, I'm yelling. Hey, S1W, thank you so much for the Super Sticker. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much for donating in the Connor Asley Fund. We really appreciate it. Let's keep going. Let's keep going. Thank you, thank you, no sex for, wait. Wanda says, no sex here for any of the guys I may meet. I'm more interested in having something special with someone. There you go. All right, question from Ashley. Miss Ashley's in the house, very close to Asley. I look younger than my age. I have a tendency to attract men of a younger age. What can I do to attract someone of my own age? Who doesn't think that I'm a scammer with a fake pictures? My sweetheart, when you're older than me, there are plenty of men that are quite happy being with women their own age. And I understand you look younger. By the way, everybody looks younger. Everybody looks, not everybody, a lot of people look younger. So how do I attract someone of my own age? Listen, put yourself out there. It's okay to fudge on your dating profile by a half a dozen years, okay? You can then clearly state in your profile your age. If someone's attracted to your photograph, you're roughly your age or about your age, they're going to approach you. If you look the, if you're attractive enough to some, by the way, I'm assuming there are a lot of men your own age that will write you. You're just not interested in them. What you're really saying is, how do I attract a man I'm attracted to who's my own age, okay? You're probably getting a lot of men interested in you. You're just not accepting those men. That's what I suspect might be happening. And you might want to maybe cast your net wider, open up the possibility that a man of really good character is a hell of a lot more important than a man who just doesn't have wrinkles and maybe have a few extra pounds on them. That's just the suggestion. Okay, Miss Ashley, thank you so much. Hey, I want to give props to Marie G for the $10 super sticker. I really appreciate that. Wait, wait, where'd it go? Let's see, where did that go? I saw it there. Marie G, thank you so much for the $10 super sticker. We really appreciate it. Sherri Lynn says, Jonathan, you are a smart guy and dating coach. Ladies, you should listen to him. Stop sexting these losers. Listen, LNY, she's a therapist. She's given me props. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. All right, let's keep going. Nicole says, friends with a younger man for one year, he started to ask me on dates in the last two months and we went on a trip together. It's wonderful. Not sure if it's just a casualdom. He's 20 and I'm in my late 30s. Hey, we all want fun. But my question is, do you just want fun or do you want something serious? If you want something serious, then ask serious questions. Resolve says, Jonathan, I'm leaving the chat because you're recommending of being so frustrated. You want to smack someone upside the head, made me feel uncomfortable. I'm sorry I made you feel uncomfortable. I am just being a little bit humorous. But yes, sometimes, listen, folks, sometimes we all need a smack upside the head. We need a reality check. We need a kick in the pants. That's all I'm doing is kicking in the pants a little bit. Marie says, I FaceTime every night with my love. At least she knows the guy is real. That's good to hear. Sandra says, I've known him for years. He's not married and we speak all the time. I want more, but I have trouble letting go. Thanks, Jonathan, for the hit in the head helped. We'll see. Now there's someone who said the hit in the head helped. Let's see. Melinda says, I also watch Susan Winter high from the Netherlands. And Miss Susan Winter says, hi, Roller Girl. All right, let's keep going here. Susan goes on to say, preach, Jonathan, adore you, my friend, solid info for the ladies. I appreciate that. Uncle Jonathan on his ranch, I appreciate that. What is, Matthew Hussie calls groundhog dating. In a recent video, it's where dating is on a schedule and a routine. I think I heard him say that, yeah, like groundhog day. All right, let's keep going. All right, what do we got here? Melanie says, young ones don't have a clue. That's it to knock sense into their head. Yes, I appreciate that. Marie G says, no question, Jonathan, just supporting you and Marie. Thank you so much. Actually, Marie's daughter was sweet enough to come visit us today. You know, truly it's interesting. So I know a couple that met and after five months moved in together and they moved in together. They signed a year lease and the relationship just ended. And it occurs to me that in this particular dynamic, you know, they're going their separate ways. They gave it their best shot. They had a very conscious uncoupling with one another. And I wonder, and by the way, they knew probably six months in and it wasn't going to work out. So roughly, but I wonder, had they just continued to date for a year and a half, the relationship will probably wouldn't have lasted that long anyway, what moving in together does. And I'm not recommending this for everybody, but what it does is you really don't know who a person is until you actually live with them. You don't know who they are as a person until you actually live with them. So I shared this about six months ago with everybody when Marie and I were watching the show, Love is Blind, okay? And I had an interesting revelation. So this is a TV show where two people are talking in these pods, they can't physically see each other and they build up all this tension with one another to the point where one of them has to ask the other, the marry each other, okay? And when they've agreed to the engagement then they meet for the first time, this is usually about two weeks later, they've been doing these pods for about 10 days, excuse me. Then they go on a one week honeymoon, okay? Now during the honeymoon, oftentimes the couples have sex and then after the honeymoon, they have to spend I believe eight weeks together in a home together. They basically, the organization Love is Blind on Netflix rents them a home, I don't know exactly how it works and they have to spend eight weeks together and then they decide if they wanna get married. So this whole dynamic happens within a 10 week period of time. You go from stranger to marriage in 10 weeks, okay? Now most of us would say, oh my God, that's ludicrous. That is ludicrous, most everyone would think. I actually think this is a brilliant way to make better choices because you really don't know someone until you live with them. We had this long drawn out version, I call it friends with benefits and you realize that most people dating never get married. Most people that are dating never get married. It's a very small percentage of people that get married, okay, or live together with someone. So why not condense, rather than dragging out for years, how many people on this post said six years and three years and two years in the comments section? Why are we dragging things out? How about we fucking cut to the chase really quickly to see if we're a good fit with one another because it's a lot easier to heal from a short lived experience that didn't work out than a long drawn out experience that usually ends in someone, a person being a jackass saying, I just wanna end the relationship. At least the couple that lived together, they had to make a conscious choice to end the relationship. They had to have multiple, multiple conversations to not agree to renew the lease. I'm just making this as a suggestion. Think about it. So anyway, this will be our last question of the night. So any dating sites you would recommend for someone in their early 40s? Well, again, Marie and I met through match.com and millionaire match. I know the site millionaire match might sound like a gold digger site or a sugar daddy site, but it's actually, I found the women on millionaire match to be different than the ones on plenty of fish. Plenty of fish is a free site. Didn't really have to make much of investment in it. Millionaire match is $70 a month. You gotta spend some bucks to be in this. You think about it, $70 a month is nothing to find a life partner. It's nothing, it's peanuts. That and match.com, so a hundred bucks a month. You'd be surprised. And yeah, you might have to spend hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dollars to find a mate, that's worth it. But I felt like people who have to spend $70 a month are probably a little more serious than the people that spend zero, like bumble, hinge, tinder, that sort of thing. So to answer your question, happy hippo, that's where Marie and I met was match.com. Hey, you know what? I was only gonna do a 30 minute video today. This went a lot longer. A man will chase you when this happens, when he clearly knows he wants a life mate, and the right person comes in his life, you'll never have to second, if you're the right person for him and he's the right person for you, you'll never have to second guess whether or not he wants a relationship because he's chasing better yet investing by progressing the relationship forward. He is in the mindset of wanting a long-term partner. He has his act together, he's in a good place, and he clearly knows he wants a life partner. And when he finds the right woman, he says, I wanna take care of her, that's the one he'll commit to. Is this sinking in, is this resonating? Please let me know. If it is, please hit that like button, please share this video, please subscribe to my channel, hit that notification bell. If you have some thoughts to add, if you're watching the replay, post a comment below, I'd like to hear all your thoughts. By the way, if you wanna connect with me, check out the link to a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you. Check out the description below for all the different places to connect with me, all the links there, get a copy of my book, that sort of thing. And I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, Teddy Barrett pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank McCoy Oak Hill Farm and Merlinda and Sherry Lynn and Happy Hippo and Leigh Ann and Lisa and Wanda and Melanie and Julie and Brian. Brian's in the house. Let's give some props to him. This Ashley Marie G. Oh, by the way, folks, really quickly, I wanna read something to you. Bear with me. I think it was Brian who wrote this, bear with me. Oh, come on. I got a comment the other day. I want everyone to hear this. Oh, this came from someone called Boston Rocks 2012. I wanna read this to everyone. Interesting video. This is on a one I did over the weekend. Interesting video. I'm a 63-year-old professional athlete, divorce male here. I agree 100% that a man will know within 90 days if he's interested in pursuing a serious relationship with a particular woman. Healthy guys who have done the work will open up at the appropriate time in the appropriate manner so you will not have to doubt where you stand in his mind. His actions will also be indicative of the direction he wants the relationship to take. I will also tell you that 100% certainty that most fit, successful, adventurous, fun guys in my inner circle prefer to be in monogamous, committed relationships with one great woman who complements his life. There, I read it, right there, right there. I read it. There's a guy telling you exactly what I've been saying. There are men out there that exist, that are in good place in their life. They have their act together that want full commitment. Thank you, Boston Rocks for that. And also thank you, Brian, for being in the house. We're gonna wrap up this video by saying bye, everyone. Hope you have a great evening. Thanks so much.