 The first session we're going to talk about this morning is one heart, one heart, and the title of the conference, the two shall become one. And so we're going to look today at different aspects of that oneness in marriage. So you've got one heart, one mind, one flesh. We're going to look at those different aspects of oneness in marriage. And so we wanted to begin this morning with an introduction of sorts to what will be the rest of the conference and discuss what it means to be one heart. The two became one, here specifically one heart. We'll look at various texts for that, but I'm sure you as I, as we look at the way that the world views marriage today, views the marriage relationship, it is a scandal. And it's a shame how marriage is being completely trivialized and completely marginalized in our society. We see it even more rapidly becoming trivialized, rapidly being made a mockery of in society today. It's happened quickly. But people change marriage, change their views of marriage, their understandings of marriage as if it were their own to do whatever with it that suits them best, that marriage is somehow a conception or a convention that they adopt as they see fit, and they can view it and do with it as they please. They don't realize that marriage isn't theirs, that it doesn't belong to them. It is an institution that has been established, it was established at creation, and it is not theirs to fiddle with. And it's interesting, the prayer we just talked about, that the Bible begins and ends with a marriage. Now the Lord doesn't do anything by accident. That's an interesting fact to me. The Bible begins with a marriage between our first parents, Adam and Eve, and ends with a marriage between Christ and his bride. We've got Ephesians 5 in the New Testament that talks about how the marriage or the relationship between a husband and wife in marriage is to picture the relationship between Christ and the church. And so there's something more here than just a man and a woman getting together, right? Something more here than just sort of establishing formal bounds for a relationship. This is God's doing. Marriage is God's doing. And like the Bible says, whatever God has joined together, let not man separate. So we have to take a stand for marriage, for Christ, and go against the push of the culture. Go against the flow of the culture. And with every, it seems like passing week now, the culture is getting farther and farther and farther downstream from what we would consider to be a godly marriage. So the more that time goes by, the more glaring, the more obvious the lines are between what is a godly marriage and what is an ungodly marriage or a worldly conception of marriage. And so today I want you to see this first beginning in three different ways. Speaking of one heart, we want to look at this in three different, from three different perspectives. One is one heart in covenant, and that one heart in covenant is undivided in its devotion to Christ and to one another. As we talk through these, this is going to lay a foundation for you. It's going to set the table, so to speak, for what comes after. You've got to have some pretty foundational ideas in your mind, some foundational, if you will, slabs, granite stones upon which you build your marriage. And it's amazing to me, and talking to people today, that oftentimes those aren't granite slabs, those are shifting sands. But you've got to establish some thought processes about the foundations for marriage that you're not going to tinker with either, that they're going to be non-negotiable to you, that you're going to build your marriage on, that you're not going to mess with. This is just how the Bible teaches it. That's what we believe, that settles it, and I'm not going to entertain any thoughts to the contrary. And so some of this idea of first covenant, you need to be an undivided, settled devotion to Christ and to one another in your marriage, first and foremost. And you need to verbalize those things, just settle it, be done with it, and then you can build your marriage on that foundation. We'll talk about that. The next is one heart in grace, one heart in grace, and then lastly, one heart in submission, one heart in covenant, one heart in grace, and then one heart in submission. So let's begin with point one and look at one heart in covenant, one heart in covenant. It is a joy, a joyful occasion, a cause for rejoicing to perform a wedding in our church. I can't get through one without crying. It's like, it's just a joyful occasion. You see two people that you love, and they love one another, and they're getting together, and it's just awesome. Love to do weddings. Young man who at best comes in, and he has no idea what's going on. The whole thing is a complete blur to him. When it's over, it's like, what just happened? Just get me to the honeymoon. He has no idea. The lady, the young lady comes in, and she's got every detail planned out for like the last six months. Every detail usually starts two or three hours late because some bridesmaid forgot a matching earring. Those kinds of, can you relate? These things are, this is a very solemn event, a very important event. However, it is a very serious event. As joyful as it is, as much as we rejoice over a marriage, it's a very serious, very solemn event, and that is lost on the world. I don't want it to be lost on us. All right? If you're already married, you're in a very serious, a very solemn before God relationship. If you're thinking about marriage, you are thinking about a very serious, a very solemn undertaking. This is serious business. And when we come to a wedding, here's how it begins. We are gathered here together in the site of Almighty God. Now think about the words that are spoken, what is said during the ceremony in the site of Almighty God, and these assembled witnesses to unite these two in the holy estate, the holy estate of matrimony. Our Lord Jesus Christ said, He who made them at the beginning made them male and female and said, for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, listen to this, what God has joined together. Let not man separate this from Matthew chapter 19. He goes on to say the Bible, God's holy word teaches that marriage is to be a sacred and permanent relationship between one man and one woman for one lifetime, fully, freely, and sacrificially committed to one another, and signifying the wonderful spiritual union between Christ and his bride, the church. Now that is rich with theology, laden down with import, and we've got to take that to heart. This is not some passing in the night kind of a relationship. This is not some, you know, spitting on your hand and shaking kind of a covenant you make with your buddy in the backyard. This is a very serious, very solemn thing. He goes on to say, therefore, marriage must not be entered into lightly, but with a sober mind upon wise counsel, with reverence for God, and careful consideration of the purpose for which it is established by God. This sounds extremely serious, doesn't it? This is extremely serious. Can you see, looking even at that first paragraph, how sex outside of marriage makes marriage a mockery, how dating as the world conceives of it today makes marriage a mockery. The world's conceptions of marriage are completely antithetical to this, even in the first, and these are words that often pastors or so-called pastors in many marriages will make. They'll read the same set of words, and in most cases it's just, you know, the bride and groom are standing there looking at each other's eyes, just googly eyes, they have no idea what's going on. The pastor has no idea what he's saying, and the marriage is just sort of, get churned out. But listen to this, many marriages, it goes on to say then, if, therefore, anyone can show any just cause why these two may not be lawfully joined together in marriage, let him speak now or else hereafter, let him forever hold his peace. That's involving you. You come to a wedding, those are important words and they have to get left out, but you come to a wedding, that involves you. Not only does it involve the married couple, it involves their parents. It's done in the sight of Almighty God, but now they're including you in that, and then you turn to the couple. I now charge you both, if either of you know any reason why you may not be lawfully joined together in marriage, you do now declare it or else hereafter forever hold your peace. That sounds pretty final, doesn't it? Pretty permanent. You are etching something in stone here, very, very important, very solemn. Sounds like a covenant, doesn't it? This is a promise it's being made. You have the couple there entering into a solemn covenant. Your pastor is there entering into that covenant. You have two witnesses that will sign the marriage certificate who are entering in witnessing that covenant. You have bridesmaids and groomsmen there witnessing and validating that covenant. You have the church there to witness and approve and all this is done in the sight of Almighty God. And so what do people expect today? Most today, if they marry at all, they just blow by all this and want to get to the reception. I want to get to the honeymoon. Half of all marriageable couples today choose to cohabitate rather than marry. The cohabitation rate is way up. The marriage rate is way down, and you still have the divorce statistic that over half of all marriages end in divorce. They don't want some old fashioned ceremony to get between them and their love, right? If they marry, they feel completely free to change the ceremony. A lot of ways that you see that today are people writing their own vows. They don't want none of that till death do us part stuff. I'm going to write my own vows. So the young man having spent a great deal of time agonizing over what he's going to say in his vows, his covenant to his new bride begins to write, Lady, I'm your knight in shining armor and I love you. You have made me what I am and I am yours. My love, there's so many ways I want to say I love you. Let me hold you in my arms forever more. That constitutes the man's vows. Oh, and I like your hair. This isn't a sappy love song, right? These are covenants. These are vows to one another, vows in the presence of God, vows in presence of your church witnesses, the pastor, your physical family, your spiritual family. Here are the vows. Do you take this woman to be your wife and will you pledge yourself to her in all love and in all honor, in all duty and in all service, in all faith and tenderness to live with her and to cherish her? I don't even know that most people that they can define what cherish really means. Give a biblical definition of what it looks like to cherish your wife, cherish your husband. According to the ordinance of God, it goes on, the holy bond of marriage. So long as you both shall live, so long as you both shall live or until death parts us. If so, please say I do. So let me ask you, in light of these, does it reflect poorly on our society that so many marriages end in divorce? Yes, it does. Of course it does. So then, what does it say about our Christian community? What does it say about our church, our testimony as Christians? What do you think it says about Christianity, about Christ, when Christians divorce? Ultimately, what does it say about God, about Christ and his church? That's why we're all there to witness the covenant and to uphold it. Getting married is not simply about you. It certainly is, to some degree, about you and what you're going to do. But it's not simply and only about you. If you make a pig's ear of marriage, it affects all of us. It affects Christianity. It taints the name of Christ, brings reproach on the name of Christ. It reflects poorly on Christianity, reflects poorly on the church because you are tied to the body of Christ. You don't live to yourself. You don't die to yourself and you don't marry to yourself. Marriage is not simply an outlet for your self-indulgence. Marriage is a display of God. Marriage is a display of his covenant keeping love. Ephesians 5 explains, marriage is to display the covenant keeping love between Christ and his bride, the church. Hebrews chapter 13, verse 4, marriage should be held in honor. And that word honor there means precious, held as precious among all. So this is extremely serious, extremely serious and it's been made a complete mockery of by the world, to the point now where last week another state falls and Kentucky adopts gay marriage. Just one after the other. We've seen, we've been on that slippery slope for a long time and now have completely, we're just, we're at the bottom of the slope and we're still sliding, right? Disgusting perception, disgusting conception of what marriage is to be. So before you run off and condemn the culture though, you seriously have to ask yourself, in what way have I made a mockery of the covenant that I made to my spouse and how I have acted in my marriage, how I conduct myself in my marriage? When God made his covenant with Abraham, do you remember that story in scripture? When God made the covenant with Abraham, you have Abraham being put into a sleep, okay? And then God takes two, or takes the animals, splits them into, lays half of the animals on one side, half of the animals on the other side, and then you have the flaming torch, right? The flaming furnace that's God. And the flaming torch passes through the animals, God passes through by himself. And basically what that is saying is that if I break this covenant, let this happen to me, that I would be cut in half. That's where we get the term cutting a covenant out of ancient covenant making. This was a common form of making a covenant. Basically let this happen to me. If I break the covenant that I'm making between us, you can cut me in two. And that is important, shows you the importance of covenant making and the importance of keeping your covenant. Look, I don't want to talk about this issue of covenant a little bit more. Turn to Malachi chapter two, Malachi chapter two. And this is important as we get into the day because you have to recognize, if you're married, you're in covenant. If you're considering marriage, you're considering making this lifetime till death do us part covenant. And you need to settle that in your mind. It is amazing to me, amazing to me, that a Christian who from the word of God understands the importance of covenants to God, a Christian that very clearly understands what God has said about divorce would even consider or entertain the idea of divorce. Like that's not yours to consider. You can't consider it because the Lord says you're going to keep this covenant until death do you part. You need to put divorce completely out of your mind, put separating completely out of your mind, unless there's a strong compelling biblical reason because God hates divorce. But how do we talk? You know, I think I'm just not going to work out. You know, I just said we shouldn't have gotten together. It was wrong to listen. You are together. And unless you deny the sovereignty of God, you believe that God put you together. And God has a reason for you being together. So put the idea of separation completely out of your mind. It's not even, it shouldn't even be on the table. This is a covenant relationship and you are in covenant with one another and let it happen to me that you slice me in two before we break this, this covenant together. And we see that again in Malachi chapter two and look down at the beginning in verse 10. Here I'm going to read this and then we'll go through it a little bit. Verse 10 says, have we not all one father has not one God created us? Why do we deal treacherously with one another by profanning the covenant of the fathers? Judah has dealt treacherously and an abomination has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem for Judah has profaned the Lord's holy institution, which he loves. He has married the daughter of a foreign God. May the Lord cut off from the tents of Jacob, the man who does this, being awakened aware, yet who brings an offering to the Lord of hosts. And this is the second thing you do. You cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and crying. So he does not regard the offering anymore, nor receive it with good will from your hands. Yet you say for what reason? It's amazing they have to ask, right? For what reason? Because the Lord has been witnessed between you and the wife of your youth with whom you have dealt treacherously. Yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But he did not make them one having a remnant of the spirit. And why one? He seeks godly offspring therefore take heed to your spirit and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. For the Lord God of Israel says that he hates divorce for it covers one's garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit that you do not deal treacherously. All right, the prophet here begins at the beginning of chapter two with a scathing rebuke of the priests. Now tell me if you don't think this is a correlation here. A scathing rebuke of the priests from verse one down to verse 10 here for how they handle the word of God, how they handle the law of God. Now I would say that correlation exists today because of the way so-called pastors, so-called priests, the way that the by and large the professing church today represents the law of God, represents this covenant of marriage, leads to a corruption of marriage. If you're going to handle the word of God wrong, if you're not going to take the word of God seriously with respect to these commands in this covenant, then marriage suffers as a result. And so just like there was a correlation at this time for Israel, there's a correlation today. You need to be in a Bible teaching, Bible preaching church that upholds the covenant of marriage as something that is critical, something that is important. And so many today it's like I remember several times I've gotten a call, remember one time getting a call from somebody I think I told you that story in another sermon, where it's just somebody shopping, shopping for a counsel on marriage, looking for a pastor who would give her a way out that she didn't have scripturally. It's like, yeah, no, you've got a covenant, you can't divorce your husband, but she was calling around getting counsel and looking for counsel that would go along with what she wanted, counsel shopping. Here, this is the same thing going on with these priests in one through ten, not upholding God's law, not upholding God's word. You, Christian, need to uphold God's word in your life. Don't think about marriage outside of Scripture. Run your marriage through the filter of God's word and uphold what God says about it. You've got to have that settled. It has to be resolved ahead of time. Now, the prophet beginning in verse 10 addresses two ways in which this covenant is broken. First, the Israelites were coming under judgment because of who they married. That takes place in verses 10 through 12. They had married foreign women under other gods. If you remember the story, you remember how much hot water that got Solomon in, right? There was an admonition, a command against marrying foreign wives. Next, they were coming under judgment for unwarranted divorces. That takes place in verses 13 through 16. Basically, they had divorced the wives of their youth. They divorced their Israelite, their Jewish wives, and had married foreign wives of other gods, right? And God prohibited that because in marrying foreign wives of other gods, it's going to pull away Israel into idolatry, and we see that happen time and time again, right? So, how does the Lord treat this? Look at verse 10. It says in verse 10, have we not all one father and has not one God created us? And so, why do we deal treacherously? That word treacherously there means faithlessly. Why do we deal faithlessly with one another by profaning the covenant of our fathers? Now, he makes the point with respect to marriage here that they're acting like they have no God. Have we not all one father? Has not God created us? You can apply that to us today. Are we not Christians? Do we not have the Bible? Has God not caused us by a spirit to be born again and dwelt with a spirit? How can we deal faithlessly with our wives? How can we deal faithlessly in our lives when we have one father? We have the spirit of God. We have the word of God. Sounds like most people today. They don't ask what about God. They don't ask what does the Bible say about this. They don't think they have any accountability to him or to the word of God. They would rather just ignore it so they can get away with what they want to do. Your marriage again needs to be run through the filter of God's word. If you say that you're a Christian, then you are saying first that you are in covenant with Christ to live for him by faith. So in living for Christ by faith, you're going to live for Christ in your marriage by faith. You're going to make decisions in your marriage by faith in Christ. Right? This is all to be done by faith in Christ. You're to obey the Lord Jesus Christ when it comes to your marriage. In other words, you keep your covenant with the Lord. And in keeping that covenant, you keep his commands regarding marriage. All right? Verse 10, verse 11, here the reason for the rebuke is given. In verse 11, it says that Judah has dealt treacherously. They've been faithless and an abomination has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem. For Judah has profanied the Lord's holy institution which he loves. He's married the daughter of a foreign God. Again, treacherously, faithlessly. They've not been faithful and they've not been faithful in this area of marriage. And now notice here how this responsibility is laid on the whole nation. You individually have responsibility in your marriage, but you reflect on Christ. You reflect on the church, our covenant community together. You reflect on Christianity in your own marriage. So not only are to you, you are to keep your covenant marriage, but you're to do that to the glory of God and not to the reproach of God, reproach of Christ. They profaned the Lord's holy institution here. How you conduct yourself as a Christian reflects on all of us and it gives gentiles an opportunity to blaspheme. All right? And then the Bible describes that what is taking place here, their faithlessness is described as an abomination. That place is sin here. That word abomination places sin here on the level with blasphemy, with idolatry, with witchcraft. So when you deal faithlessly with your covenant spouse, that sin of dealing faithlessly is on par with idolatry, on par with witchcraft, with rebellion. It is an abomination to God. It's blasphemy. And blasphemy because you are picturing, displaying Christ in his church. All right? It's interesting here too. And in verse 11, God uses the name Israel. Israel is the name for the people, was the name for God's holy separated people. This was their holy name, if you will. There's an intentional contrast being set up here between what they are called holy and what they are doing, which is living or treating their marriages faithlessly, their conduct, which is unholy. Verse 11 goes on to say they've profaned the Lord's holy. And then it's got institution there. If you've got a New King James, institution is in italics means it's not there in the original language. It's literally the Lord's holy. You've profaned the Lord's holy. You've profaned the Lord's set apart. This isn't referring to the institution of marriage here. It's referring to God, or this is not referring to God or the temple. This is referring to God's people. It profaning the holy uses the covenant name for Israel, meaning holy set apart. And then you've profaned verse 11, the Lord's holy profaned the people. Our sin no more taints or corrupts God. And I've heard the phrase before that a sunbeam is tainted or corrupted by the garbage that it shines on. God's not tainted by our sin, but you can bring reproach on the name of Christ. You can bring reproach on Christianity. You can make a poor testimony of yourself in the way that you handle your marriage. And here, this abomination has been committed and it profanes the nation that God loves. In our context today by application, we profane the name of Christ. We profane Christianity, the church that God loves. Again, if you're not dealing faithfully in your marriage, it brings reproach on the name of Christ in the eyes of the wicked, causing the Gentiles to blaspheme. It goes on in verse 12. He says, May the Lord then, here's the judgment, cut off from the tense of Jacob the man who does this, being awakened aware. In other words, being awakened aware there, he knows they are dealing faithlessly. He knows it. And even though he knows it, he brings an offering to the Lord of hosts. That brings an offering. A guy knows that wickedness has taken place. He knows that they've dealt treacherously. And yet he brings a sacrifice to expiator, to remove the guilt of that person anyway. Romans one would say that those are those that are deserving of righteous judgment of God who not only do these things, but they approve of someone who does them. And so he's bringing a sacrifice, approving of their faithless dealing in their marriage. So do you approve of this kind of wickedness? This is serious business. So listen to what the prophet is saying in verse 12. Basically here, May God not only cut off every descendant of such a sinner out of the houses of Israel, but also cut off anyone who might offer a sacrifice for him in atonement for his sin. So is the Lord serious about dealing faithfully with your covenant? It's extremely serious, extremely serious. Keeping covenant with the Lord by honoring your covenant in marriage is a solemn responsibility. So again, begs the question, how are you dealing faithlessly with your spouse? Have you traipsed off after the digital idolatrous harlot? You know what I'm talking about? How are you dealing faithlessly with the wife of your youth, with your covenant spouse? Maybe you're single and you've entertained the idea of marrying a lost woman. It's dealing faithlessly according to God's covenant. There's a second way here in Malachi, the second way in which the Israelites were breaking their covenant with the Lord and in marriage, they had frivolously divorced their Israelite wives. And he says, he goes on to say, and this is the second thing you do, verse 13, you cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and crying, so he does not regard the offering anymore nor receive it with good will from your hands. Now the effects of the sin here are described before the sin. They've caused their wives to weep before God in the temple, covering the altar with their tears, right? And God will no longer accept their worship of him because of what they've done. They're so oblivious to their own sin that they have to ask why. God, for what reason? Well, comment of people today, even ourselves, we don't see the seriousness of our own sin. And so we walk in ignorance, but ignorance is no excuse. One reason you need to be informed from the word of God. Ignorance is no excuse of these things. Your marriage and your faithfulness to or your faithlessness to your covenant is lived out before God. And as such, he says in verse 14, the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt faithlessly. And again, that wife of your youth is another way of saying this is a lifetime covenant, a lifetime covenant, never to be broken. So he goes on to say, but did he not make them one, having a remnant of the spirit? And why one? Because God seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, let none deal faithlessly with the wife of his youth. The Lord God of Israel says that he hates divorce. It covers one's garment with violence. That word means sin there, covers one's garment with sin. The wickedness adheres to him. He like sticks to his clothes and clothes. They're just being a picture on the outside of what it is inside his heart on the inside. All right? The sin just sticks to him. It's a picture of the inside of the man, says the Lord of hosts. Therefore he says, take heed to your spirit that you do not deal faithlessly, time and time again, dealing faithlessly, dealing faith, faithlessly, comes up all the time. God says, beware of faithlessness to your covenant. So you've made a covenant in the sight of God to be faithful. When you sin in marriage, you're being faithless. And this is daily living in light of your covenant. When you get angry with your spouse, remember your covenant and deal faithfully. When you are tempted, remember your covenant. You have a covenant with God and you have a covenant with your spouse and deal faithfully. When you disagree, remember your covenant. You, Christian, be faithful. If you are married to an unbeliever, remember your covenant. When you believe that your spouse is in sin, remember your covenant. When he just won't listen, he just doesn't listen to me. Remember your covenant. When you've been lazy about honoring the Lord in your marriage, remember your covenant. Don't spend time with a digital whore, a digital harlot. Remember your covenant. Don't spend too much time apart. Remember your covenant. Keep Christ as the center and focus of your relationship in remembering your covenant and be a good steward of your home, a good steward of your relationship, your kids, your finances, your service. Remember your covenant. So are you, let me ask you, are you planning or have you ever thought about running out on what basis? If it's not for a biblical reason, you have no basis whatsoever to abandon your covenant. It doesn't matter how you feel about it. It doesn't matter how you feel. Remember your covenant. You cannot count on feelings. The marriage wasn't based on feelings, right? You did something there. You made a covenant. What did you do? You made a covenant. You made promises. Now all this is only possible because we are one heart, point two, one heart and grace. It's only possible in grace, grace from God. Keeping this covenant, you have to do that by grace, by faith in Christ. Because it is biblical to say that marriage is a picture of Christ in his church, then it is biblical to say that marriage is a picture of grace. As Christ restrains, upholds, sanctifies, loves and matures his bride by grace, Christ restrains, upholds, sanctifies, loves and matures your bride, your relationship, your covenant by grace. And grace here is first. I'm going to give you several ways that grace is pictured in a marriage. Grace is pictured by sacrificial love, silent killers of a marriage relationship, silent killers that go against sacrificial love are unbiblical expectations of your spouse, unbiblical expectations. When two people can't live up to each other's expectations, they will look for alternatives that they expect to satisfy them. Remember your covenant and sacrificially love your spouse. You have expectations, you need to put down your expectations often in order to honor your covenant. Unbiblical expectations are silent killers of a marriage. They will look for alternatives like the next relationship, the next digital encounter, the next experience and unfulfilled expectations grow increasingly in discontentment, discontentment with their spouse and with their marriage. So repent of your unbiblical expectations. You're not going to change your spouse like that. The Lord God, Jesus Christ will change your spouse as they mature in Christ as they're sanctified, but don't allow frustration with your unbiblical expectations be a cause of strife and contention in your marriage. You need to drop your unbiblical expectations. Concentrate on who your spouse really is and not on some conception that you are trying to achieve in your mind and you are trying to achieve that in manipulating often your spouse, nagging your spouse, nitpicking at your spouse, but what they do or say or don't do or don't say, you need to put down your unbiblical expectations, but repent of that. You're killing your marriage. Your spouse as wonderful and as perfect as they seemed at the altar is not all going to be all the time all that wonderful and all that perfect. You are not going to be all that wonderful and all that perfect. If you cling to an ideal of what you want your spouse to be or your marriage to be like, you're going to hurt your marriage. You understand? It's very important to get clear. Give up the idea of a perfect spouse. Give up the idea of trying to make him be that way, make her be that way and begin learning to understand and sacrificially love the spouse that you have. That's what Peter meant in 1 Peter chapter 3, when he says, live with your wife in an understanding manner, in an understanding way. You're understanding who your spouse is and then you live with them in an understanding way. You're not nagging and picking and putting unbiblical expectations before them to make them what you want them to be. Concentrate on sacrificially loving your spouse and not on your compatibility. You are married and no matter who your spouse is, you can learn to love each other. So don't concentrate on what you perceive as being incompatibility. Love is not merely feeling. It is resolve. It is determination. It is choice. In contrast to the prevailing idea in the world that love is merely something that happens, Paul commands husbands to love their wives and he commands wives to love and submit to their husbands. The Bible never even hints at the idea of what is compatible or incompatible after marriage. Certainly believers are compatible. Believer with unbeliever incompatible. Once you're married, that's not an issue. You are married, right? So put that unbiblical idea of compatibility out of your mind. The Bible simply commands that we love each other according to a biblical definition of love. Next, you must sacrificially love by getting past the way that you look to each other. Proverbs 31.30 says, charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord she shall be praised. So what's the focus or the emphasis on there? It's not a woman who fears the Lord, loves the Lord. That is beautiful. That quiet spirit that Peter speaks of, right, is beauty. Peter says, 1 Peter chapter 3, your adornment must not be merely external, braiding of the hair, wearing gold jewelry, putting on dresses. Guys, don't do that. Not about the external stuff. But let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God, right? All that can be obviously applied to husbands too. Much more could be said, by God's grace and in accord with God's grace, you are to sacrificially love one another. Grace in the marriage is pictured by forgiveness, pictured by forbearance. Grace in the marriage is pictured by treating one another better than what you deserve. Let's summarize those three with one passage. Colossians 3 verses 12 through 19. And listen to the grace of God toward us. And this is the grace with which you are to treat and interact with your wife, your spouse. Therefore, it says in verse 12, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long suffering, bearing with one another, and forgiving one another. If anyone has a complaint against another, even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. Oftentimes in marriage, when you're talking to someone, counseling someone, gotten themselves so high strung over some offense that they've taken and they have never sat it down. They've never forgiven. They've never talked it out. And they're just harboring some, well, that's what my wife did. That's what my husband did. And they carry around that anger for years. You've got to forgive as Christ forgave you. You must forgive. You must be long suffering. Allow sin or love to cover a multitude of sins before bearing patient. And just as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. Verse 14, but above all these things, put on love, which is the bond of perfection. Let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body, and be thankful. Are you continuously thankful for your spouse? Thankfulness for your spouse eradicates discontentment. And listen, you, like right now, if you don't feel thankful for your spouse, well again, it doesn't matter how you feel. Think about all the ways that your spouse, that God has benefited you through your spouse, by your spouse, for your spouse. Cultivate in yourself a thankfulness to God for your spouse, and discontentment will begin to flee away, will begin to disappear. Be thankful for your spouse. It says in verse 16, let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom. You need to, if you have an unbiblical idea of marriage or you're having difficulty in your marriage, you need to get yourself in the word of God. Practically apply the scriptures. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly with all wisdom, with all teaching, admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to God, to the Lord. Whatever you do in word or indeed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Wives submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands love, your wives do not be bitter toward them. I would say grace also, wives in understanding that as a part of the curse, your desire is for authority over your husband. Realize that is sin. Realize where you sin in that way. You are to submit to your husband. Husbands, you're to be sacrificially loving towards your wives. It's not an open-ended free reign to be authoritarian over your wife. You are to sacrificially love your wife, treating her better than yourself, is steaming her above all others, is to be sacrificial. It's a part and parcel with denying yourself as a Christian. So deny yourself for your wife or the benefit of your wife. Then there's grace in the power to stop sinning. Grace in the power to stop sinning. As a bloodbought disciple of Christ, you're no longer a slave to sin. Depend on the power and the spirit of God within you and stop sinning against your spouse. Stop sinning against God. The marriage relationship is going to, more than any of the relationship, is going to reveal and expose your sin to you. So in that, it's going to reveal selfishness, hypocrisy, anger that you must repent now. Part, we'll talk about a little bit later, don't allow those sins to remain hidden. Confess those sins to your spouse so that genuine repentance can come. And remember that he who says I know him does not keep his commandments as a liar. Next, there's grace in the gospel-centered way that you confront sin. You confront sin in your spouse lovingly, in a spirit of gentleness. Unless you are married to an unbeliever, you cannot nag him into becoming a Christian. As Peter says, 1 Peter 3, you seek to win him without a word by your conduct. And then lastly, it's grace that is pictured by a bond that is unbreakable. Your union with your wife as your union with Christ by God's grace is to be unbreakable. You're to leave your father and mother, cleave to your wife, and the two become one flesh. Christ is one with his church, you're to be one with your wife. Your marriage is to display the covenant keeping relationship between Christ and his bride. And your marriage will either tell the truth about Christ and his bride, or your marriage will tell a lie about Christ and his bride. And what is your marriage saying? Lastly, point three, there's one heart in submission. Wives submitted to their husband, husbands submitted to Christ. These are all foundational things that you need to settle. You need to settle. This is what the Word of God says. These things are the slab on which you will build your marriage. Husbands submitted to Christ, both submitted to the Word of God for their marriage. Quickly, if you're going to be submitted, then there is joy in your God-given roles. Listen to Elizabeth Elliott on the role of women. This is in an article called The Essence of Femininity. She says, unlike Eve, whose response to God was calculating and self-serving, the Virgin Mary's answer holds no hesitation about risks or losses or the interruption of her own plans. It is an utter and unconditional self-giving. She says, I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said. This is what I understand to be the essence of femininity. It means surrender. Think of a bride. She surrenders her independence, her name, her destiny, her will, herself to the bridegroom in marriage. The gentle and quiet spirit of which Peter speaks, calling it of great worth in God's sight is the true femininity which found its epitome in Mary. Paul then takes nine verses in Ephesians 5 to explain the sacrifice required of a husband for his wife in his acts of love toward her. And the Lord's pattern of love for the church is given to him as his pattern. To wrap this up, what does it mean to be one heart in marriage? It's not always easy, but it is very clear and very straightforward in Scripture. Marriage is two clumsy, stumbling, oftentimes self-willed sinners cemented together by God as loving companions in a sacrificial relationship which takes place in the sight of God in the eyes of a lost world and in the face of life's difficulties. Marriage is two clumsy, stumbling, sometimes self-indulgent, self-centered sinners cemented together as loving companions in a sacrificial relationship which takes place in the sight of God in the eyes of a lost world and in the face of life's difficulties. You cannot follow the world's conceptions of what marriage is to be. It is so far from any semblance whatsoever of the truth. This is not a humanly devised option to consider. Marriage was instituted at creation by God. So you think about it. Marriage is not a way to legitimize sleeping together to remove shame or guilt. Marriage is not simply a piece of paper to satisfy your assumed to be mother-in-law. Marriage is not simply a convenience to merge expenses or to explain away, you know, pregnancy into which you are six, seven, eight, nine months. Marriage is not a way to get benefits. Marriage is not a ball and chain. Marriage is a gift to men and a display of God's glory. So now more than ever it is time for Christians to declare and to put on the display of what the Bible declares. God's standard for marriage and the family is the only standard. They can produce meaning, produce joy, produce fulfillment and produce a proper testimony of God, a proper testimony of Christ. So as you go on today, you have that basis. I encourage you to put down commitments with respect to that. And then as we go through the day, think about those foundational aspects as you hear about practical ways in which you will build your marriage on that foundation. Put out of your mind unbiblical notions, unbiblical thoughts, even today, wholly and completely, just submit yourself to the Word of God and then listen how to practically obey the Lord from the Word of God. And I pray you'll take notes, you'll repent where necessary. Be not hears of the Word only, deceiving yourselves, but be doers of the Word and all marriages for the glory of God. Amen. Amen. Let's pray. Father in heaven, thank you for this time. Thank you for your word. Thank you, Lord, for, thank you for my wife, God. Thank you for our marriages. Thank you for these brothers and sisters here and their marriages. God, thank you that this is to be a display of Christ and his bride, the church that we have such a glorious example to live to. And we praise you God for that. Strengthen us by your spirit, Lord, to have a right understanding of marriage, to lay the proper groundwork and then to obey you in our day-to-day lives. Again, because we don't want to bring reproach on the name of Christ, we want to be a proper testimony of your triumphant grace to a lost and dying world in our marriages. And so, strengthen us to do that, Lord. In Jesus' name, amen.