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So I created the character Dapper Laughs to sort of protect myself from how real I was going to be. I should have felt like I was bigger in it but I got to a point where I couldn't. I was so insecure that I started targeting the journalists so the people that were writing it I'd at them to millions of my followers. Why are you doing this? Why are you saying that? The next day ITV2 cancelled me. So I worked 10 years towards getting the TV show cancelled me. My brand deal was Beyond Borg everything. I have hundreds of thousands of pounds cancelled me. My tour I just got an advance of 150,000 pounds. I had to pay back. I got sued from a load of venues that I couldn't turn up to because they were getting protested. Then my fucking manager dropped me. Then a week later and my dad had a stroke and died. And I was off me tits just turned the TV on and watched the TV and they got 200 people and this person was going so deep a laugh. So offensive or funny and the comedian was meant to be defending me. The comedian was like well he ain't funny but he's not offensive and then they were going through all my jokes and everything. I remember sitting there going what the fuck. And then looking out the window as well and there was journalists outside and I was like I was only having a fucking laugh. I put it in that part of my jump off and I opened the door and I was like oh it's a toilet break. So I watched that clip back like no one knows I had a Johnny full of spunk right there. That's why I talk about suicide and mental health because when you mix bad times with a lot of drugs you don't take a lot to top yourself I don't think. But that video was probably the most viral video that I've ever done and do you know what that tells me? There's a lot of people out there that do exactly the same fucking thing. Boom we're on. Today's guest we've got Dapper Laughs. How are you doing mate? Yeah really good mate. Watched your stuff for years. Thank you. I think you're the man who set the bar for a social media kind of things. Your videos were viewed by millions of teams? Yeah definitely one of the first people. I keep seeing your podcast when you're asking for guests and they kept tagging me in it and I was like who is this guy? Why am I getting tagged? Getting so many tags I'm thinking this podcast must be popping so then I had a look and had a watch and yeah and then now I'm here. Here we are. Fucking brilliant. But yeah definitely I can remember when I first started making videos it was Vine and when I hit a million followers on Facebook I think the only other page on Facebook with a million followers was the Facebook page. That's how early it was. There wasn't really influences back then yeah. Congratulations all your success through comedy, all your videos, documentaries. You're a successful guy man, you're flying so fair play. Yeah thanks a lot. Now. Yeah I know you've had your rollercoaster and your emotions back. Fuck it we'll go through that. Do you know what? I think that if you can make some serious mistakes or have some serious downfalls and lose traction and lose money and lose stuff and you get a second chance at it you certainly appreciate it a lot more and you tread a little bit carefully. Cautious one. Yeah but fuck it it's real because it makes a good story man. Yeah exactly. And I'll tell you if someone ever anyone says what do you do normally I'm like if I could label my profession it's like fuck shit up. I'm good at fucking stuff. But that's how you started that is what you've done was pushing the boundaries. Yeah. That's what people laugh because it is entertainment, it is comedy. Yeah. No matter what way you're looking. Yeah. What about we've heard you and sit there and point flaws and everybody. So be it. Yeah I mean. But you can't please everybody. It's very easy for like when I first got on TV and I got my TV show they the press will go back through your tweets from fucking since Twitter began. Do you know what I mean? So tweets from two years ago or videos from years and years ago and stuff like that. And one thing that really frustrated me is bang I'm on TV. I'm signed to our TV too. I'm selling out tours and then these old tweets and stuff. But what people fail to forget is that in order to become viral in the first place you have to have something about your and for me it was controversy. So I purposely said things that would piss people up or piss people off because you'd either write on it and say I'm a dick or you'd write on it and say it was funny but even if you're writing on it it's going viral. Yeah. You're building a platform. So somewhere amongst all this cancel culture and people being offended somewhere along this line people forgotten that comedians are supposed to say things that are offensive. We're supposed to you know it's comedy. I'm not a politician. I'm not you know you're not a good role model. I don't want to be a fucking role model. I'm not a role model. I'm a comedian. I can remember one of the first videos that ever went viral for me and ended up in the newspaper and on Channel 4 News and this was before I had a TV show it was on Channel 4 News and I just was walking down the street and what they don't understand is these are actresses that I use. So you know it's a sketch but because Dapoulos was always someone that was meant to push the boundaries. It's like you know taking a piss out of that culture. So I'd have a woman it was a sketch but because it's on the phone it looks like it's real it's like can I smell your fanny? And she's like no you can't smell my fanny. So I'm like well it must be your fucking feet then. It's dumb right? It's just word play. So when I write jokes it's word play. So you begin a joke by saying it's going to be this. Can I smell your fanny? And then I was like you can't say that. Well it must be your feet then. So then the shock but no. It's change days now. Yeah to anyone else out there especially feminist journalists that have an agenda I'm just Hitler. Yeah but it's actors, actresses it's just entertainment. If you watch a film and there's muddles on it it doesn't mean every muddler gets done now because that's a certain film. It depends what's trending. Do you know what I mean? Of course. It depends what's trending in a fence. At the moment people are offended by people not wanting to wear masks or people are offended by people saying there's conspiracy theories about this you know that offends people. We live in a very soft and generation though and the good thing about that is it's so easy to become successful now because the majority of people are so weak. It's just what a fight and argue about stupid shit but not really work on themself. But before we touch on everything about your life I'll always go back to the start with my guest brother. Where you grew up and how it all began. So I think I've been on the smash for so long I can't even remember that far back. I grew up, I was born in Kingston I grew up, I come from like a broken home my mum and dad broke up so I'd spend some time with my mum some time with my dad. I grew up around Surrey and a massive Irish family so my dad had 14 brothers and sisters. Do you know what I mean? My grandma on that side didn't have a TV and I don't believe in contraception so she was just shagging and just having baby. So there's like 14 brothers and sisters so I guess where the entertainment started from was every Christmas all my 14 uncles and aunties would bring all of the cousins together to collect their like on Christmas Eve so there'd be thousands and thousands of presents and we'd all have to perform something. Sing, dance, it's like an Irish thing like sing, dance or whatever and I used to play the saxophone and then when I got a bit older I'd dance and then when I was about seven I'd done a load of Bernard Manning jokes my dad taught me, probably naughty ones and my aunties and uncles you know like my mother-in-law and all this shit and the family died and I think that was the first taste of like comedy I love it, like telling jokes and then I'd do like butlens, talent contests and then when I got old enough my mum moved away when I was 15 so I actually moved out when I was 15 and I survived by doing not such great things but I wanted to be a comedian so I'd do the comedy clubs I started doing comedy clubs when I was like 16 but I was terrible I had no idea how to do comedy and then I've become an estate agent got bored of that by the time I was 18 I flew away to Cyprus and I was working in the oh god it's so cringy I was working in the holiday park like the hotel was doing bingo so I was just calling the bingo once a week and then I started doing like who wants to be a millionaire and presenting but then adding comedy to it and six months later I had a full comedy show that I was doing in this hotel when I was like 18 and somebody saw me from a cruise ship company and poached me on my last like a week of working there like it's fate poached me and then I worked on a cruise ship for four years travelling all around the world and by the time I got off the cruise ship I was a fully fledged professional comedian So that's where the comedy started then from a very young age How was your schooling and stuff? Horrific for me I'm dyslexic so I couldn't I just wanted to fuck about and I got expelled from one school so I completely phoned out of one school and had to join another school I actually I don't think they'd ever do this now but I got expelled from one school and they had me I think it was at the end of year nine when I joined it they made me wear my old school uniform for a week in the new school because I used to get into quite a lot of fights and stuff and just fuck about and the new headmaster was like right if you can wear your old school uniform in this school for a week and keep yourself out of trouble you can stay and I can remember walking around in my old school uniform in that school and I had a few fights I used to get knocked about a bit but outside the school and survived that week and ended up staying there but didn't really do very well for my GCSEs just wanted to get into performing art school It's crazy to walk about your uniform for a week and stay out of trouble but then you feel like a victim then that people are looking at you But obviously they had got my report from my last school and they didn't want me in this new school I can remember my mum and this is the honest truth my mum watches all my stuff so she'll probably watch this my mum stopped coming to parents evenings when I was like eight so you just said fuck that too bad I was a nightmare and I can remember my mum saying this is why they're doing this because they don't want you at this new school so this is the week and I had some fights with some of the boys that I'm friends with now people taking the piss out of me and then me going and saying not in school after school and yeah I managed to get some GCSEs enough to get me into performing art school singing, dancing and acting and that was me So was that your escape then from kind of fighting feeling not good enough I was never very good at fighting I was really confident like if someone I still get beaten up now to be honest with you I still do get beaten up now like I can't well quite recently notoriously I had an MMA fight with Harvey, I don't know if you saw that seeing it bro, yeah and your boxing one as well I like to fight I like to have a scrap but I'm not really very good at it I've grown up being really mouthy because I was very small and my dad got arrested so I always used to say to me like if someone's starting on you if there's a few people starting on you and you can fucking mug them off and make their mates laugh before they give you a slap I can remember my dad saying this to me every time that guy says to his mates do you remember when I beat up Dapa his mates were gone but do you remember what he said so I'm like that like I'll give you an example I had an argument with my missus at Christmas and she threw me out the house so it was like fucking Christmas Eve and I went to the pub and I was fucking smashed and I was angry and some lads come in and I put this on my story I had a massive black eye, I got sparked out but some lads come in and one of them was like I just had my boxing fight so one of the lads was like I heard him behind me it was Dapa, he's a wanker he's hard, he's doing boxing so I know it's on and he came over to me and he was like oh yeah I hear you do a bit of boxing and I was like yeah and he was like I'm thinking of getting my son into boxing can you recommend a gym for him and I was like yeah Jimmy Savill you cunt sparked me out sparked me out cold but when I woke up he was like still fucking raring to go but his mates were going leaving me done saying that I'd done him so that's always been my mentality do you know what I mean I'm a little bit too mouthy getting late, being funny and starting to shut up and getting your acceptance where you feel yeah I'm definitely, I think if you decide to be a comedian the first thing is for sure is that you are definitely severely insecure and if you mix that with social media as you know with what you do it's like you know last week I'd done a video about two men talking over the fence I don't know if you saw it about talking about the lockdown rules and this video went fucking mental like 30 million views you know my social media I'm getting thousands of new followers and that and that day it was great for the next day I'm like what's next am I still relevant am I still funny so it is a constant battle on social media but you're still here and social media is a numbers game this becomes an addiction so I question myself why am I doing this as well I love what I do I love hearing people's stories because you tend to see a lot has got vulnerabilities and insecurities and you tend no matter how successful you become we're still all struggled we're still all battling you've had videos at 30, 40, 50 million unbelievable that people worldwide have watched your content but then that becomes a drug but what it needs to be is to find balance and understand wait a minute that's actually an illusion I'm looking at a screen looking for acceptance from a screen it doesn't really mean fuck all when you break it all down it's good to the table it gives you a wee bit of importance where you feel self-seeking I'm going to do a good video but then your brain doesn't shut down because you're constantly thinking how can I get more attention how can I get more likes if you don't get certain likes on something you feel as if your career's flopping and you're not good enough anymore and all the negative shit can then slip in it's a slippery slope but it's defined balance it takes balls it takes fucking balls I'll tell you why and a lot of my mates are like I won my boxing match but I only just won my boxing match and when I decided to do MMA a lot of my close friends said to me what are you doing man you can get fucking hurt and I'll tell you what it was for me that come at just the right time I've been suffering really bad I never believed in anxiety I was suffering really bad with anxiety and also I just started doing counseling because I've been really really going through really weird mood swings so one day being really creative and out there and doing stuff and the next day just not wanting to get out of bed and then I started getting into this whole conversation of mental health and all this and I started doing counseling and talking about when I lost my career my father died and then over locked down my grandma died then my mrs grandma died and then her dad died and it's just lost lost lost lost lost stop stop stop stop I felt like I'm just trying to be happy for a little bit and then fucking there's something else something else and then you get to the point where I felt like I was getting to the point where I was like I've got two kids so I've got to be happy but I can't be fucked to be happy do you know what I mean and I thought to myself I'm drinking too much I'm doing drugs I'm partying I'm fat and ultimately I feel regardless of how much money I've got and my house and how successful my numbers look online I felt like kind of useless and lethargic and I think that as a human race when we get to the point where we're not chasing a dream or like you're working on this if you're not working or something if you have no goals and you're just sitting there that's when I feel like depression setting and I said to my agent no man I'm not fucking fighting no way in the cage and I went away from it and I thought that's exactly why you should do it because you ain't got the bottle to do it so I fucking said yes like on the spur of the moment yes I'll do it send me the contract quick sign the contract like didn't even fucking read the contract signed it and next thing is I've got to do it the training started and then after about a week of the training I thought fuck what am I doing but then a week turned into a month and I felt like a fighter I was losing weight I felt like a fighter my anxiety was gone because I had purpose and and although I didn't win I didn't think I was going to get in there do you know what I mean does it matter man the fact that you train the fact that you got any ring drink drugs the fact that you've took the reins of your life and done wait a minute I'm scared of this that's exactly why you should fucking face it the training, the endorphins, the serotonin all the feel good factor that fights depression anxiety and pushing yourself to the limits now you push yourself to the limits on your videos so I know do it internally, mentally I'm scared but you know what I'm going to go for it and you done it man so I take my hat off to you because I don't care who you are anybody gets in a ring no matter if it's sparring because I've seen people it's good on their pads and punch bags as soon as they get in the ring their ass collapses it's a totally different mental strategy all I wanted to find out is if I'd go push, fold and fight because I wasn't embarrassed about getting chucked out or knocked out because that shit happens to me weekly that happens to me at web screens I'm cool but I was worried about it's going like that when the battle went or moving back and I thought now I'm a fucking geezer but am I a geezer and what I learnt from it is when you go through some horrific shit in your life like losing a parent losing all your money, losing your career whatever I think is horrific to me I know there's loads of people out there that are going through worse or even less but to them it's horrific and what I realised is if something has horrific whatever level you put it has affected you mentally and maybe you've done too much drugs like I might have done in the past to sort yourself out or just because of culture whatever if you find yourself with down days you can't wake up and just think I hope today's better you can't you have now I know that unless I wake up in the morning and I instantly go for a run before I do anything else I run before my kids get up so I try to get three kilometres in a bag sweat I instantly think I've done something good it calms me down I'm ready for my kids and then the rest of the day seems alright a million percent you can handle your problems better because if you've got problems if you think you're losing your career if you think your relationships breaking down and you don't like your job if you're going in a pub and boozing, taking gear your problems ain't going to disappear they're still going to be there now I'm going through a transition and my life feels great but I still have problems everyday the reason I'm not drinking and taking gear is because I can handle these problems better I can handle them face on I don't go hiding because if you're hiding behind it you're free to play so running every morning fitness is key a million percent for your mindset now you're looking a lot fresher but the good thing is you start getting better ideas you start changing it your life is fucking over don't get me wrong I still have my mishaps of course you're human I still sometimes think the weird thing is with me I know how my mind works if I'm successful and I make a lot of money I think party if I lose something I think party but one thing I'm very conscious of doing is I understand that it's very toxic for young people out there to look on Instagram and I'm worried about it for my kids to look on Instagram and everyone is winning everyone is doing well, everyone's making money all the people I've got followers they're all doing great I think it's a toxic thing for people to look at too much of that positivity I think it makes you look back at yourself and think why aren't I that person so I'm very conscious of not being a role model but I am very conscious of using my platform to show my ups and my downs so quite often I will say I'm re-evaluating my relationship with cocaine I'm re-evaluating my relationship with drink because I'm treating my mrs like shit or I've got mood swings so I can't be creative so do you know what I'm going to try and get off the booze and the gear I like to try and speak to my followers as just real not come offline when I want to come down and come back when I'm good of course but at least you're identifying with it because you've made mistakes for human beings I continue to make mistakes but if you can learn from them that's what shows courage, that's what shows strength that's where you can really that's where the growth is when you fuck up that's where million percent when you've done your very first video can you remember it? what were you thinking? I can remember that I was doing stand up comedy because I'd just come off the cruise ships I was doing family friendly comedy so on a cruise ship you've got a mum, a dad, a grandma, a grandad and children in the audience I'll give you an example so the jokes would be like I got pulled over by the police the other day the police officer come and put his head through the window that cost me 130 quid stupid jokes like that they said get out and walk in the line and she said you're staggering you're not bad looking yourself I'd have to write this cheese and the majority of the way that I'd write that comedy was by finding one word that had two meanings that's a great way of writing comedy so like contacts could be like contact lenses or contacts so I think of one word that this is how you write like safe humour so I'll remember being on the cruise ship thinking oh contacts, I've got contacts contacts and I'll put it into my set so it'd be like the police officer said to me we should drive in licence it says here that you should be wearing glasses I said I've got contacts he said I don't care who you know you're breaking the law so I'll come back from that to doing open mic comedy where it's like fucking geezers pissed up and fucking squaddies or like stag dudes and shit and I'll come in and I'll be like and they'll just be like fuck off like I'll come back into the lines then so I was like nah I'm a geezer so what you want me to be real talk about real stuff so I can be real so I created the character Dapper Laughz to sort of protect myself from how real I was going to be because I didn't see there's no middle ground with realness in comedy we're talking about fucking shit you do when you're younger like shagging fat boats to get your numbers up or the first time you fingered someone or doing coke or you know what I mean getting a blowy off a hooker and you can't get a boner but I'm like if you want realness let's go real and just at that time when I started doing that I started blowing up in the comedy clubs you know so I started I went from paying people because that's what happens when you're in a comedy club you're going to pay to play so you pay them five pounds and you do fucking five minutes I went from that for killing it to them saying I won Friday we've got like a proper show we'll pay you so then I started getting paid to come and I was like the best thing I worked out I was good at was audience interaction like if you shout something out I'll fuck you up man and I was brute for it so sometimes I'd write ten minutes of comedy but I'd do forty five minutes of audience interaction and the audience would be like that's amazing so I started making a name for myself and then Vine come out and Vine six seconds and the joke is normally written at the beginning you take them on a journey at the middle you tickle them and the end is like something completely different so Vine was perfect for me so then I started doing the vines and stuff and they went fucking I can remember I was working as an estate agent by this time I'd set up my own business and it was like 30,000 followers and I was like fuck me I'm famous I'm definitely famous now 30,000 followers and like 10,000 views on a video I was like wow and then it took maybe the space of six months for that to turn into a million and hundreds of millions of views it was phenomenal it was crazy at the time how did you deal with that then being the first thing I did was got myself out of that business and I started doing personal appearances that was the weird thing for me they booked me in nightclubs all around the country I know you've been out of Glasgow a lot of things and that's how I made all my money at the beginning was they'd pay me two and a half grand to go to a nightclub for people to queue up and have pictures with me and I used to follow Joey Essex so Joey Essex would have gone the night before and I'd be there and I went from earning what fucking £1100 a month like £11,000, £1200 a month working for myself to 10, 15 grand a week doing personal appearances I was still young like I was still maybe 27, 26, 27 and I was fucking making some money so I was fucking about I weren't saving do you know what I mean and I was so deluded with money that I can remember buying my manager of Cartier Watch my manager he fired me like two months after that dropped me, wouldn't the shit hit the fan and I felt like saying give me the fucking money how long is your manager for we had a lot of love for each other he was a young kid that he took a punt on me and when I first joined the agency he was like I'm going to make you £100,000 this year and I was like if you make me £100,000 in my career just in my career I'll buy you a fucking watch or your choice he said I want a Cartier and he made it for me in like four months so I went and bought the Cartier Watch and at the end of the year they had fired me well that's fair play isn't it he helped you in my anger when I ended up on Newsnight in my anger I wanted to go back and get the watch back but he was a young boy he was a young boy but he was a young boy it wasn't him it was commercially viable the right thing for him to do to drop me I don't believe in that because you've got to stick to the people who you worked with the mistakes that they've made I don't really agree with that but people have got to look after themselves well yeah it was affecting their other talent the media were contacting the other talent on their roster and saying why would this agency they represent so when you're hundreds of millions of views do what you've done and then you see your career ended I'm going to be honest I thought you'd get through under the bus I don't know why it was you you made a joke about rape chubby brown who talked about pedophiles rapes all that shit why your joke got national headlines why did you feel as if you had to justify yourself constantly for being on stage doing a joke that backfired but why you would did you have any grievances with anybody would they just try was you fucked over or what I'll tell you what I've never really spoken frankly or honestly about this just because I always kind of felt like that I did say something wrong and that I should have apologized but the more the more I speak to other comedians and the more the more my like hardcore loyal followers you know when I do you know like last year I sold out the troxy like 2000 people after two years and not doing stand up after my dad died and the way that this whole situation made me feel getting phone off TV and that made me feel that I wasn't capable as a comedian because a lot of mainstream comedians like Jack Whitehall and fucking loads of them all signed an open letter some of them slagged me off online saying that I wasn't a comedian and it took me like two years to get the guts to come back and go back on stage I'm a fucking amazing stand up comedian on stage right but I lost that I didn't believe that and then when I put the show on sale it sold out really quickly and I've done it and I can remember coming off stage thinking to myself I should never have apologized I shouldn't have apologized because what actually happened was I was arguing with journalists which I never had no media training because I come up through social media right so when a journalist writes a bad story about you you're just meant to ignore it and if they write another one another one another one and then their sister publication writes one and then all of them start writing the same stories clickbait clickbait clickbait you're meant to just ignore it it doesn't matter if it goes on for a year and a half it's in your mental health right every morning I'd wake up it was a new story it was a new thing pro-rape fucking misodynistic cancel gig he's still here why is he here and I got to the point where I thought well I'm not changing what they're doing is they're changing people's perception of me but you don't see fucking Tom Hardy responding to news of the world or I mean Danny Starr article I don't see Ricky Gervais replying to fucking Guardian article do you know what I mean so I just should not I should have felt like I was bigger than it but I got to a point where I couldn't I was so insecure that I started targeting the journalist so the people that were writing it I'd at them to millions of my followers why are you doing this why are you saying that and then one of them was a woman she'd wrote this article about me and I at it and I said well that's wrong that's incorrect why are you saying that do you realize what you're doing to my mental health you know how do you guys feel if I woke up if you woke up tomorrow after your article and I fucking killed myself now after putting that online they got a barrage of that journalist female journalist got a barrage of fucking hate from my fans right fuck you and a lot of it was sexually orientated hate fuck you you slag so I just shot myself in the foot so they decided then they started doing it they'd done a picture of a lying down in the fucking in the journalist newsroom and they printed off fucking perfect they are they printed off every single tweet on an A4 piece of paper and they laid it down and they put all the pieces of paper up next to her took a picture and went this is what he's done and I was just like I can't fucking win it you know what I mean you can cut me off but I can't defend myself so what do you want me to do just fucking top yourself you're fucking my career and then an article came out the Guardian Dappalasse new TV shows and Almanac for Rape and that was it for me you know my family's been being affected by sexual violence seriously right so when they actually said my TV show was teaching men how to rape I personally got really upset about it and my manager I was backstage just before I was about to go on at the O2 to do a show and I walked out and that's where I fucked up I walked out and I said they said that my TV shows and Almanac for Rape and I was angry I was like if I wanted to make a TV show teaching men how to rape I wouldn't have written six episodes I would have just said go down the road get some duct tape tie go up and rape her it would have been a one one minute episode yeah and he jumped on that and then a girl at the front went but my friend Lucy loves you from the fucking bra on the stage she loves you she's gagging for a rape and I was like what's that Lucy she's gagging for a rape you can't say that and then I carried on with my show but then bang in the newspaper they cut they quote get the quotes and the video the video of me on stage goes like this dapper laughs promotes rape at gig watch and then it goes go down the road get some duct tape and rape a girl she's gagging for a rape they edited like that right within two days 60,000 people would sign a petition because the press had made them honestly believe now think how mental this is they made the press made 60,000 people honestly believe that I believed you should be allowed to go out and rape people right that's how much they manipulate so 60,000 people signed the petition the next day ITV2 cancelled me so I worked ten years towards getting a TV show cancelled me my brand deal was beyond Borg everything would have hundreds of thousands of pounds cancelled me my tour I just got an advance 150,000 pounds I had to pay back I got sued from a load of venues that I couldn't turn up to because they were getting protested then my fucking manager dropped me then a week later and my dad had a stroke and died and I was like is that that? I thought to myself how much money have I got in the bank I had about a couple of hundred grand in the bank and I thought well I'm going to spend that on travelling the world doing coke fucking birds and killing myself I wanted to kill myself at that point I'm not going to lie to you but my mrs who had polysthetic ovaries it was told she would never have kids just before we were about to bury my dad come to me and said I'm pregnant and you think that would have made me go well I got to sort my head out it didn't I broke up with her I said fuck this I'm on my way out like I gave life a good chance at being nice but luckily three weeks later I managed to do enough shit and fuck enough stuff up I pulled my head together and got back together done the pregnancy with her and then my daughter came and that was the beginning of a new journey a new chapter but that's the beauty of life not about followers not about getting sacked from jobs and losing money the beauty of life has been there for your kids fuck everybody else I've seen your interviews I felt as if you were justifying yourself to everybody and that just makes you look guilty as if you've done this mad things now I've seen that women is it news night to seven million people you get grilled more that women done Prince Andrew interview and you get grilled harder than the guy supposed to have been fucking nonce and kids do you know what I mean I just felt as if it looks as if you've been thrown under the bus from a higher power or somebody else that well do you know what it is do you know what someone said to me before and this is why I'm doing podcasts now conspiracy theory podcast chatting bollocks have a look yeah yeah chat it we'll leave it like in the description but this is why I'm doing this conspiracy theory podcast now because someone said to me like you know it's you do know it's a class thing and I was like what do you mean they're like if you're like a working class comedian like you're working class right and you're talking about the sort of shit I was talking about right they're like the upper class people that control things they look at you and they're like he's not being ironic how could how can you be ironic you know like Jimmy Carr is what is what he's like upper class but when he says worse jokes and I've ever said about rape do you know what the upper class can laugh at it because he's clearly being ironic he's not dumb but when you're working class and you speak the way I speak and you come from a council estate and you do them jokes they don't think you're being ironic they think fuck me believes that that's why he's doing it so when you start growing in social media depress like I got more followers than the Sun the Daily Mail I've got a bigger voice than them online and I think that it got to the point where a lot of people are like it's not about what I was doing it's like what about if I did have a political opinion after this you can force a lot of agenda I might be chatting shit now but what about after what if he has a political opinion about something after and shit does go that deep yeah yeah definitely you know so do you become a threat then that you can manipulate a mass following you've got millions of people following you and if I don't like something that's going on like look at this COVID stuff that's going on you know what if you know what if a load of massive social media influences start kicking up a fuss about wearing masks or facial recognition system for fines and shit like that that's what they don't want mate people believe with the read so you can put a post out there I could have a thousand people turn out up out here if I can turn in cars over if I've done it correctly if I sit if I sit online now on my Snapchat and went right whoever comes down here gets a free bag of gear right and a night out with me but you've got to smash the old place up mate I feel this way I reckon I'll get about 20,000 people that's mad yeah so but again you become a threat do you feel as if the more you speak about it at the time if you're just left it wouldn't been as big no no I was fucked I was fucked I'm reluctant to talk about it I've been reluctant to talk about it now like that's what I haven't done a lot of podcasts and stuff like that because I kind of want to forget what happened because I'm trying to rebrand myself I'm doing a lot I'm you know I'm writing now I'm filming pilots I've got a film coming out and so you get the ball rolling again yeah it must have been tough though on your dad to see he must have been proud of you man to see the fame the success the money to then he's fucking dying days getting through all that shit yeah that he does break my heart I'll tell you what right when my when my dad died I was I ended up living in my Mrs I lost all my money lost my house I still had an Audi TT so it's me yeah me me my Mrs in an Audi TT with a beagle our dog drive all the way to Manchester and I stayed in my Mrs in Manchester my Mrs parents spare room for like a month just crying and sorting my shit out and we had nothing no money minus money no house nothing and now I've just built a which he'll never see which which hurts me I just built 1.5 million pound house which I know you shouldn't talk about money and stuff I'm like when you lose fucking everything you look it's like six years but the only them they're my like gold badges for working so hard the house right we've got a villa but more importantly the biggest thing that breaks my heart is yeah he's never met my two girls do not mean but yeah it's sad that my dad passed away a week before my daughter was born as well but again you feel as if exchange leaves it feels like yeah well my dad died and then my Mrs said I'm pregnant and I've done a joke about this before which back fired right saying like me I said I said I really feel like my dad had a hand in getting my Mrs pregnant I didn't mean it like that but I do feel like it was my dad's last gift by saying fucking grow up man grow up because if it wasn't if it wasn't for my kids if it wasn't especially me for my first kid if it wasn't I'd still probably be out doing all that and drinking and trying to get everything happens for a reason maybe all the shit that you went through Trattor retaliate has brought you down a peg or two 100% to make you appreciate life finer things in life including your Mrs who stood by you through fucking friends through going on the booze and the gear and fucking up yeah because what happens as your ego's been dented as well being this character of fucking love by the nation to then oh wait a minute is he really this bad guy oh is he pro rape that's what he might want to do when you realise you know what people's opinion don't mean fuck all yeah like this morning I got this morning someone tweeted a lot of Scottish people fucking love getting mouthy online but the good thing is you can't understand fucking what they're writing it was a Scottish guy this morning actually and he was like oh here he is you're back again didn't you last time I saw you on Twitter I mean I've been on Twitter for fucking ages but it's just someone one of his friends must have shared it last time I saw you you were doing a load of rape jokes and apologising and then his next tweet was saying if you don't reply you keep getting more tweets and I do see him and his next one was like who's gagging for a rape now then and part of me dies inside because I'm like do you know what if I saw you in the street I'd fucking headbutt ya I really would if someone come up and said that to me I would just fucking smash their face in because it really like I imagine the worst thing that ever happened to you if I bought it up I just wouldn't do it if someone in the pub but on Twitter they can do it and now I have to go like this for my own mental health I have to just go block so before I can even reply but what it does do when that happens is it reminds me don't get too big for your boots you're not famous you haven't made it you're still working be careful concentrate on the kids because it would only take something else for me to but that's something for you to still keep working on I don't know if that comes back from schooling where you maybe couldn't read a rake dyslexic that you feel as if you're not good enough don't let people bill you to being you a comedian and standing outside the box and doing what you do you grew your fault when you buy bean funny daft people say aww he's talking about sex all we do is talk about shagging drugs and alcohol but yeah a comedian doesn't know it's thrown upon I don't know if we're getting censored to shut the fuck up but we can't see certain things and say certain things the world's changing I think you should just stay true to you for what the outside noise does I don't give a fuck now it can be difficult if you're walking on eggshells to say certain things the thing is I don't give a fuck if people are offended and I have my own I have my own box that I work in like doing disabled jokes for instance on kids that are disabled for me that's not my bag I wouldn't I don't care if someone else does I might even laugh at some of them but that's not my thing racism and stuff like that that's not my thing if some other people want to do it I'm not going to tell you not to do it but I don't think it's the right thing to do but my thing might be drugs sex so when people say to me like I've done interviews before I was on channel 4 before and a guy was like I'll do this sketch where it's the first time you've ever actually it was in my stand up and I was just trying to fucking connect with people like can you remember the first time you ever fingered a bird how amazing it was and it was you've got to remember but the thing is women and other people don't take away don't ban banter you're fucking growing up and I can remember I did a story where I'm sort of saying because you're only young so you'd have to go knock round the house knock on a door and a dad would ask hello Mrs Jones hello Mr Jones I'm just going up to see Amy and they go alright leave the door open no funny business you go up you're watching a film and you're like you don't know what you're doing starting up an old car and the joke just finishes when you come downstairs and you go goodbye Mr Jones there's no harm in it and when I'm on stage I'm like you shut the door what's the first thing you do every time when you as a kid alright you do it's true like I don't give a fuck boys did and then you wouldn't use that hand you wouldn't use that hand and you go test goes by a sandwich you'd use the other hand you'd save it you know what I mean and I finish the joke by saying having dinner you know going like that you'd laugh yourself like walking up remembering and then I was at the dinner table and I finish the joke by going well dad was helping me and I was just like reminiscing and I was like my dad looked at me and went like he knew as well so it's like a silly joke and I got in so much shit about it I ended up on the fucking news right and this guy was going yeah so you're degrading women so I said to this guy like are you straight and he's like yeah yeah and I was like how old are you and he's like I'm 32 and I was like you ever watched porn and he's like you ever watched porn he goes no so he goes so you can hear the producers going to him I cut the interview so I'm just there you go at least I'm for honest you know what I mean thank you very much that was depolusted can't even admit that he's fucking out of batch who's to tell you what comedians should say you just got a dear job like a comedian don't fucking go there's certain comedians I think he's a wanker, there's other comedians I think he's funny as fuck it's comedy, it's a craft people say things that are a bit out of the box I've got quite a dark tumor as well somebody will probably watch this interview in 3 years time, 5 years time I can't laugh at that I ain't got any fucking reaction I know who I am or is a person I know what I do, I know what I can achieve the key to it is John Barnes John Barnes is like the most big brother was mental and John Barnes is like this guru he's like this philosophical guru you don't even want to start talking to him about racial, divides or whatever the guy you can sit and listen to John Barnes for hours he just said to me listen it's as simple as this is there any malice in what you're saying so if I tell a joke about fingering a bird where's the malice where's the malice, what am I doing going doing a punchline now I'm going to finger you all there's no malice, where's the threat it's just funny, now if someone does a joke and there's malice in it then fine, be offended so what I found really difficult was getting a lot of flak from what journalists were writing is I felt like saying to the British public since when do you take your advice on stand up comedy from a fucking journalist and a virgin so again but I don't feel as if you need to justify yourself I feel as if you need to I don't want you on here and just sticking to the same thing you're a fucking comedian, you've had a very successful life it's only going to be for success even more successful you have your ups and downs, that's where the beauty is brother, that's where the beauty is it's a fucking roller coaster and I love saying this as well when I'm on my stories on my Instagram, jump on my Instagram I love saying on there like if you're going through St. right now if you've just fucked up bad if St. really bad is happening to you fantastic, great, wicked that's the best place to be right now because that means you've got fucking motivation and sought your shit out a worse position is nothing fucking up in your life and you just fucking pull on the long unhappy, do you know what I mean sometimes it takes a big fuck up for you to go I need to do better, I need to be a better person I need to do better, I need to work harder I need to appreciate what I've got it's about showing gratitude to what you've got as well if you've got amazing kids and amazing missies then it's to be a bit more humble and original what other stuff don't really mean fuck all what is I can hear, what is the money and all the numbers obviously we crave it but you've got to be careful what you wish for that with a TV show one day and then fucked off at the side manager leaving me fucking he's just turned on to be like dapper too sitting on the cup drinking a bottle of fucking Jack Daniels big bag of gear fucking send it on, I say leave I want like next to me, I mean I want it must have been we've been speaking for the last few weeks you're clearly an intelligent man, you're a very good guy as well I feel as if that's why you probably need to justify yourself so much it wasn't as bad, but I feel as if it made things worse I should never have apologised when you see Ricky Gervais and other people a lot of big comedians commented on my situation and said the worst thing I ever did was apologise but at the time I'd lost everything and I was terrified and I was like how can I keep this life, what can I do I wasn't a seasoned, famous comedian a social media star that had a taste of TV and fucking suddenly the whole world was against me did your social media numbers drop as well once I come off news night they fucking do you get briefed or anything before news night that was a heavy fucking hatchet job I know why I did that because you looked fucked as well yeah I'd been on a few all night as before do you know what I mean it was just nerves shattered what it was was kind of like how can I make this stop you know because it was like it was turning into two weeks it was like two weeks of journalists outside my house and I was fucking doing whatever I was doing in the flat because of what was going on and outside the window there was fucking journalists and I was like what is going on I couldn't even walk out and then it was news article you know I was turning on the fucking TV I remember turning on the TV and having a debate on Channel 4 News like I had 200 people in the fucking audience they had a comedian and a feminist off me tits just turned the TV on they watched the TV and they got 200 people and this person was going so depth of laughs offensive or funny and the comedian was meant to be offended me the comedian was like well he ain't funny but he's not offensive and then they were going through all my jokes everything like I remember sitting there going what the fuck and then looking out the window as well and there was journalists outside and I was like I was only having a fucking laugh did that make you question all your material it made me feel like I done something really wrong so that's when I said how can I stop it all and they said they want you, Newsnight want you it's the biggest political platform in the fucking country if you go on there and apologise then that kind of puts a fork in it and it's done and I didn't want to walk down Tesco to see someone around the fucking aisle taking a picture and shouting stuff trying to get a reaction out of me I just had enough of it and my mum she was getting shit at work everyone associated with me they went to my stepmoms bank they was in there with the cameras and you know it was affecting everyone that's a sense of bullying how the fuck can they go on about people making jokes are doing this but they are bullying families that is mental torture they turned up at my sister's school to which she was picking up the kids and then the school said something to her about who is this guy and is it a threat he was crazy but then you got someone like they do the same thing to Caroline Flack and she commits suicide and then all the papers are going that's making me fucking emotional now all the papers and that are going because she actually messaged me and all the papers after whatever happened all the papers are like be kind be nice something needs to change really they put a lot of pressure on that young girl as well mine before the court case is not a bullshit destroying life, something needs to put pressure on you should be allowed to you should be allowed to write stuff are you suicidal yourself yeah man I called some mountains when I buried my dad and I broke up with my mrs I went and moved in with my mate and I was on the gear and I was just not great and he had white carpet and I can remember thinking to myself I fucking had enough of this do you know what I mean I didn't want to talk to my mum because I didn't want to worry my mum and also I didn't want my mum to know about the drugs she knows now but and I couldn't speak to Shelly and I didn't want to speak to my mates because I was kind of selling it to my mates like ooh I'm free I ain't got a bird and I'm having fun I was lying do you know what I mean yeah and I can remember thinking to myself you know I ain't got no pills if I cut my wrists I'm going to fuck up the white carpet he had new white carpet and then I thought to myself what am I fucking doing because I was on the gear so I rang the Samaritans and I spoke to a woman for about 45 minutes and I was talking about this with my counsellor recently I was speaking to her for about 45 minutes and I can remember coming off the phone and going wow like it can't get much lower than this this is it and it was actually like cool I'm glad that happened to me but so many people don't make it past that obviously that so many people don't pick up the phone like in that moment so many people will just kill themselves especially if you're high on drugs and the fact that I spoke to her and she sort of said like you do realise that everyone else in your life is like secretly worrying about you and you just lost your father and you're doing drugs this is why you feel like this you know you need to get your life back on track and you'll feel better and then I spoke to my mom about everything and I got back on my bird and pulled myself out of it that's why I talk about suicide and mental health because when you mix bad times with a lot of drugs you don't take a lot to top yourself I don't think I don't take a lot to push over the edge I say it every podcast we're all struggling at some point in my life we don't know what the fuck we're doing in life we just don't know what the fuck that's what you do you need a tiny bit of structure and to me my structure is that little run in the morning and making sure that on a Wednesdays I do my daughters swimming lessons, every morning I do breakfast, just those little key things just keeps on going that's all from that joke on stage that a girl shouted out out of her retaliation your whole life just went boom but it's in life the obstacles is about how you react so this will make you a stronger character to go wait a minute you know what it's only fucking words oh yeah I'm glad now because imagine if that happened to me now when I had my kids and I let myself spiral out of control people have been using your kids and your daughters about it what was it like using all that shit against you online constantly because it was rape based and I had two girls you can understand Irish I do get it but you had a comedian you make jokes and everybody was laughing at at the gig did you have support from top comedians but they showed you support don't they come out and give you back no because I was social media a lot of jealousy towards you I think there was a lot of people that were in line for TV shows maybe with ITV2 there's a lot of massive comedians out there that were doing big things that didn't have TV shows they come out through social media and then I'm signed and I've got a TV show so it was like he's misodynistic he's hate speech but fuck them fuck them listen it's always going to come with you you're going to get your throws but if you've got a million, two million, four of those and you've got fucking 95% positive the way I see it now is the most important thing to me is like I know I'm funny right because I crack myself up get me on my Instagram check out my podcast I know I'm funny because I still make myself laugh so if I can continue blagging a little bit of a living doing that while working on being a good dad then fuck it you've got two amazing kids you've got a message you've got a fucking nearly a two million pound gas trust me mate dick jokes pussy jokes you're alright, you're good you're just trying to get to the hates the fast that you got to when you just started that'll come but even if it doesn't who fucking cares you know what I'm not ashamed to say like I'm writing films and making films low budget films and I've got other people in the film industry close friends of mine because of this going look at you making low budget films blah blah blah do you know what everyone starts somewhere because of what happened in the past I'm not ashamed to write and to try and raise money and to try and do things I don't want to pretend to be a star what do you mean people are slugging you off because the film industry is a really fickle thing people think like you either make massive movies like Jurassic Park or just fuck off you're not part of it so when you start making low budget films people are like that film shit it didn't do anything well I don't care because you know what maybe my tenth one will but you're trying the more you tap the door eventually it will open do you know what I mean I always say it again I always repeat myself but 99% of success is failure the fact that you've came from drug abuse, suicidal thoughts losing your dad not knowing what the fuck to do you say losing your career but you never really that's just in your mind that you thought you'd lose your career when you go on the ITV you get bigger numbers than you could stop it you're making me want to go on a sesh let's go but your perception change the way you look at things and the things you look at change you're looking at sometimes different what's your background can I ask you yeah of course addiction issues mate I've lost a lot of friends and family members to murder suicide overdose being in prison crashed out of the police carchers fucking hell mate so I've been to hell not just once but many occasions I'm like you want to react I'll get thralls very seldom I'll react I'll fire back one shot just fucking fuck them up yeah I think that from the podcast that I've watched I think that the reason why you've got quite a cool fan base and you know I kept seeing my name being tagged and it is because you're not going for the normal people that everyone would go for to interview do not mean you're not like who's current who's you know who's you're going for interesting stories because everybody's struggling we're all fucking struggling it's not like an underdogs podcast but I'm very good at opening people up I'm very good at connecting people now you're a funny guy your videos are always funny yeah you've made me talk about a lot of stuff I haven't for a long time and where you can relax so if you've come in you're quite fidgety you're a bit nervous because I ain't a fucking journalist every guest that I've got on if anybody speaks to any guest if you speak to any of my guests they'll speak very highly me I don't fuck anybody over they come on tell their story what you see in social media is what you see in the press ain't really the person so if I can break it down and connect build a rapport and there's trust there we can see that we're all struggling we can drop the charade and just be yourself I think people can act as understand you know what we're all fucked up I see him all the time I used to watch all his videos he's fucking class I never knew he had suicidal thoughts I never knew drug addiction every fucking person I know has battered gear in their life at some point do you know what I mean it's scary I think that's why I'm quite open about talking I can remember back in the day that when I was with one management company and rightly so brands don't want to be associated with you if you're associated with drugs so now that I'm self sufficient with my money not necessarily through my social media and like good investments and stuff like that I don't rely on commercial commercial deals to pay me so if I want to go on my Instagram and I want to say you know I've been getting on it too much so I need to sort my shit out who wants to do it with me mate you should see my inbox it's fucking mental my following is pure lads and they're like mate I want to stop like it's every Monday Tuesday I'm fucked like I'm arguing with my bird so the more I spoke about it the better it was but I don't want to be labelled as a druggy that's the risk that's what people think if you have people falling you know if you're portraying it as being cool and people think it alright so I've done a lot of drugs I've done a lot of jokes about drugs you know I used to do a character called the sesh gremlin where it'd be like it's Friday and I played two characters where my mrs would go morning it's Friday and it'd be like I'd go into my head and it'd be like a gremlin going and I'd end up pouring sugar on her tits and trying to do it in the bed she's slapping me and all this and a lot of people were like you shouldn't do jokes about drugs you know come up with it I'm like the sesh gremlin it's real for me man that's a real thing you know when it comes to first day Friday and people were like what do you want to do tonight I've got to consciously go I've got to take my kids to school tomorrow morning I'm not coming out listen the video I always remember you've done a video I don't know if you're sitting I'm probably saying that you came out for one beer every last 90 seconds it's nice the streams that you go but that's just normal I hope people are saying you're creepy cunts but when I wrote that video I was on a come down so I wrote that I wrote that video I was like I made a list of every fucking most debauchery thing and it was like what do you do on a night out first of all you say you're going to have a cup of beers which turns into a few tequilas which turns into someone saying get the packet which turns into you talking to the bouncer about fights you've never had which I love doing when I was in year 8 I smacked this geese with a plimp so it never happened then you go to a strip club you get a bone ass you go home to get a hookah you do the bag with a hookah leaves then you get a bone you end up ripping it off to midget amp you tip on wake up in the morning you wake up in the morning no hang on I was friction bones around your quarry fuck it I'm staying in the most viral video I've ever done do you know what that tells me there's a lot of people out there that do exactly the same fucking thing we're all fucking diluted as well listen we're all crackers we're all bonkers I believe everybody's got greatness in them also obviously you're following if you can make strives to you say you lost it all but then come back fighting shows courage so if you can do videos do you know what cleaning sober and changing your mental status and going out running everyday people can get inspiration from that and my platform is growing over the podcast game I'll be the biggest but end of the year it's no joke about it already I believe I'm number one there's nobody can stop me no words from the outside no what about the press say my following no me I'm trying to be as real as I can get I've still got an agenda I still want to be successful as a wee bit there it craves fame as well possibly a bit of tension why not well you're getting a bit of it now yeah but it don't mean fuck all all you've got to do is throughout your journeys you've got to remember why people tuned in and people tuned in because of the realness just never and and this is partly what got me in trouble is when ITV2 told me to when they went through my stand up and they tried to censor some of it and I said no I said stuff that they didn't want me to say is if you ever get big opportunities just make sure that you clarify that you know you won't you won't censor what you originally come up so you were getting watered down yeah a lot a lot and I never did what was the views on your ITV about 300,000 a night fuck all man you can do that would you get a snapchat over a million a day fuck it I was getting a million views on snapchat having a shit so was it good money though probably about 30 grand I got for my first series fuck all man no but the thing is there comes a notoriety about being on TV I'm on TV now you become brand friendly you're part of a game I'm on TV I made it I'm on TV that's what I thought that's what I always thought do you know where I want to be? Netflix that's where you want to be not TV so you want to get more documentaries and shit I've got a film with a pilot next week I've written a whole drama series I've written films and I'm raising money and I just want to get my face on Netflix but you're still chipping away you're still hustling grinding you've got a few loads of shit in the wall for something to stick in you yeah exactly man and it's good that you're bang on it again do you know what I mean you're there you're already there you've never really went anywhere you're just if I'm honest it just seems as if you were in a depression you couldn't handle it well you just jumped on something somebody had said to you in the media and you've been so depressed and you needed to go against the grainy instead of just taking a couple of steps back staying off the booze the gear God wait a minute I ain't fucking lost my career you've lost it yourself so you did because the way you reacted not the press not the haters you lost it and you haven't even fucking lost it because you still gained more followers I think that's the weird thing when people come out of Love Island they come out of Love Island they've got a million followers they suddenly think they've made it right but then when they deal with when they get caught sniffing a line or shagging someone's bird or saying something racist and the whole world is against them I don't want to be famous though they don't want to be famous though I didn't want this life and it's like who's to blame here do you know what I mean and what it is is the media the media kill people 100% and we've seen it we've seen people from Love Island there's other names I'm not even going to name there's other people I know the media kill people so unless you're prepared to take that flak you shouldn't be in the industry and what I've realised now is just you know just singing look at my babies and I'm like do you know what I am a bit of a twat so they're going to call me a twat so just let me know you give your energy too they steal your energy so rise above it and it's difficult what about the big brother, how was that experience for you big brother is mental mate why did you do that they offered me big brother as soon as my dad died they want car crashes on tv and that was like you must have been perfect I've just been phoned off tv my dad had died I was online going mental someone close to me said don't be fucking stupid and they offered me about 40 grand originally and I was like nah so I managed to turn it down the year later it was a bit more and in the third year it was a year with a woman so they were celebrating the year with a woman and they wanted a villain so they came back and offered me a lot of money but I just started getting my head straight and my other businesses had just started picking up and it was like do I don't I want to bring everything back am I going to fuck up again and I can't handle the press and there's a lot of press with it they kept offering more money and in the end I said yeah and it was fucking insane I actually managed to come out of it with good press I mean I said some fucked up stuff got in trouble top gay do you know what I mean but it actually I think what he actually done was instead of what the press had made the nation think that I was like pro-rate, Masonistic you know this asshole I think that by the end of watching me in Big Brother they worked out that I was just a twat do you know what I mean he's just a twat he's not like a fucking woman hating rapist he's just a twat and but there was some funny shit happening it's mad like you can't you don't know what the time is in there right so it's silent you don't know what the time is you're not allowed to stimulate yourself at all so you can't listen to music you can't chew chewing gum you can't read you can't have anything to entertain yourself so you have to sit like this with 16 other people with fucking egos like yours everyone wants to be the centre of attention and the biggest thing is you can't wank right so I don't know stop me well it didn't stop me actually it didn't stop me but you have to fucking because the last thing you want is day 35 that belongs in the toilet so you had to work out ways of doing it well what it was you're out standing on a joint bones bed with fucking live a full but no what it was was they had when you go into toilets they weren't even locks on the toilet so a lot of people actually got constipated because no one wanted to go for a shit because there's no locks on the toilet so you've got 16 people in the house there's only a few toilets when you go in you're like someone's going to walk so imagine you know wiping your ass in that so it took you a long time to have a shit let alone a wank do you know what I mean but I can remember they had this they have like a microphone they had no cameras in the toilets but a microphone hangs down to about eye level right there so you know whatever you're doing they can fucking hear it and you know there's a camera on the door because what happens when you're going big brother is there's like two or three people behind the scenes that are assigned to just specifically film you 24 hours a day yeah I met one of them on a tube once he goes fuck me mate I filmed you for like nearly four weeks mate solidly he goes you fucking love picking your nose so you know there's constantly you know sometimes you can hear them through the wall it's like yeah or you're saying something stupid in the camera because they have a couple of CCTV cameras someone will go what's your honest opinion on the LGBT community and you hear a camera go you're like I love them all you've got to be really careful yeah and people try and cause beef to get air time so they try and draw them questions out of you but having a wank someone else Courtney that won it she actually come out where it's a she he he dresses up oh yeah shame and I didn't even know because she he come in as Courtney and when I woke up I was like where's that blonde bird mate I want to fuck that and she was like over here we were come fucking great mates and he coming in he was like you know because you have to talk in code right so you have to sort of insinuate what you mean so they can't pick up on it you know what I mean so he was like you know if you want to you know relieve some tension and I'm like you know what you're fucking talking about he goes you just got to turn the taps on and I was like what do you mean he goes turn the taps on and I was like oh the microphone the noise the taps bush I get it he goes watch so he went in and he went in and he turned the taps on and I was like oh he's having a bad time and then he come out right but listen they uh we all had duties we had different duties and two girls Ashley and Jess their duties was like my duty was something else everyone like someone was doing the food someone had to do the garden someone had to do the cleaning the bathroom cleaning and Jess and Ashley went into the bathroom afterwards and they come out and I was like can everyone come to the lounge please they never forget it they pulled everyone into the lounge we're all fucking national TV and they pulled us out and they went someone's had a wanker there we can smell the spunk oh yeah and I was like what sort of girl can smell spunk someone who's tasted it and I know so but I know that Shane's been in there and so I went and everyone looked to me and I was like no I ain't had a bash like it won't be and Shane was like I looked because Shane was like that's disgusting I went but anyway so they already thought it was me so I thought fuck it I'm going to do it so I waited a couple of days later and I went into there's another bathroom where they've got I can't believe I'm telling you this fuck it there's another bathroom where they've got they've got Johnny's in there yeah so in the outside bathroom and I thought to myself you know they ain't going to be able to smell spunk if I have a posh wank so I went into there right and I had this hoodie on right and I went in there so I turned the tats on so I got Johnny because you don't know what it's like like two weeks in without having a wank don't they see you taking the Johnny's like Ann Whitcombe was in there I started looking at her like oh fuck it so I needed to crack one off but so I got Johnny you know and then fucking Ann Whitcombe actually coming like was outside she's like what's going on like knocking on the door so I tied the Johnny up and I was like what if I flush it down the toilet and it sticks so I was like I need to find a bin but the bin was outside so I put it in that part where I jumped off and over the door Ann was like oh it's a toilet so I watched that clip back like no one knows I had a Johnny full of spunk right there and I'm like yeah and then I just went out in the toilet and then but you know what rushes over you so for the next three days I'm sitting there going what if they calculated all of that and that is on national TV I've gone in there I've had the Johnny they've heard it they've got it so the paranoia sets it to three days going mate my mrs and I'm in there talking to Ann Whitcombe with a Johnny from the spunk but I think it Johnny's in there because I want you to shag didn't I do yeah of course I do they're mental do you know what they do they have all the you shaggle and laze telly but you can't see how fucking joke yeah do you know what they do all this mad stuff in there like they've got all these ways of really causing problems so they they mix the old people with the young people right purposely so they'll put like me and whoever was young in with like old people that want to go to sleep right but they won't turn the lights off like studio lighting in the bedroom till everyone goes to bed and what they'll do is they plow the young people full of booze so we'll be out like in a jacuzzi and the old people will be coming we want to go to bed you know what I mean they cause massive arguments all what they'll do is they call you up to the diary and they're like is anyone pissing you off today and you'll be like ah John Barnes is doing my fucking editing he's done this this this and this then you'll sit down for dinner and it goes this is big brother we just want to play a clip and then boom but you go John Barnes is a fucking dinner and he's there it's like it's a fucker to survive it just allows you what they do though to create entertainment it's fucking sick as well it's a bit psychotic there the producer behind that to do that shit so when your career started when you say you've went fucked and then you started picking up the pace again when did you start feeling good about yourself when did you start realising okay I'm getting out of this when I come out a big brother and I didn't come I come out to cheers do you know what I mean so one of the hard things was I went in as a villain so when I went in I got booed really you know because it was the year of the woman yeah it was like there were some people how are you feeling walking and getting booed fucking I was pissed out of my head were you steaming? I was steaming yeah I had to get fucked to walk in it's meant they got helicopter yeah they got helicopter to thousands of people you walk down do the interview and I walked in and I was just like what am I doing I'm definitely gonna say some fucked up shit and I did but when I kept getting put up for eviction and I couldn't understand why because I was being nice to everyone and then it comes to like the first you've done like a week right in the house and the only time you know what's going on on the outside is when they go housemates and they open the housemates we are talking when they're doing a live eviction and you hear the audience when you're in the house and they go housemates and you hear them going and you can hear people going and they read your names out and it was like one weekend when they went up for eviction this week it's so and so and they went and that part and everyone fucking cheered like it was a massive cheer and I just went I'm doing alright and then when I went out and when I come out when I come out and I walk down and everyone fucking cheered and like people were going you've been great we love you and I was like wow then the newspapers were nice I was like right it's over it's over and then I just thought keep your keep my head down I kept my head down for about six months I didn't really do anything safe though and everything you say is under a microscope do you think it still is now no good no I'm not I'm not a breathing space I stopped what I did was I didn't I come out and I've done loose women so I went on loose women I went on loose women I let them attack me on loose women and some of them did but what I wanted to do was show the ones at the right hand side you didn't but the ones on the left and that's understandable you're going to have I respect what you're doing what you've done I'll fuck up just like myself I'll continue to fuck up but for what you're doing mate it shows courage man to come back fighting again because a lot of people like I say might come out of Love Island or whatever and have their million followers and they think they've made it and then they get fucked some bad story comes out about a bird that rides a tree and they can't handle that before he won't have talked herself you are easily going down that fucking road because of what was said about you and the fact that you've come back fighting mate a lot of people take inspiration from that I love these podcasts because it shows people in a better light of you made a fucking mistake do you know what I mean so you came out then and started took a break what was your life like then did you happy about yeah I needed to make money I needed to make the money that I'd made I needed to make the money that I'd made make money so I invested the money and I create some business and I thought you know when all the papers wanted to talk to me then I thought this is the time not to talk to them so just let me drift away so I drifted away for a little while worked on my social media invested my money and worked on business and then when I felt like mentally I was stable and my business was good then I started coming back with projects and trying to get things off the ground and up in my social media stuff and it's like people they just left me alone then do you know what I mean they just leave me alone now it's like they're kind of like right he's he's crucified them yeah he's not going anywhere you know they think they try to fuck you up and when they don't go anywhere it's kind of like he's like an old piece of furniture now just fucking letting be do not mean again it's how you react to things yeah I just stay away from it now I stay away from it can be difficult because you later say you're a cheeky cunt so you're gonna I say stupid shit every week but I love it I think the people can you imagine what if we were getting recorded when we spoke to our friends at the weekend yeah we're fucked we're doing a live sentence yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's why I don't that's why ultimately I don't feel guilty you know that's why I don't feel guilty because what I put out online ain't nowhere near what my fucking mates say to me do you know me so that's why I don't I do think take to you know did you have to did you cancel your own show the UK tour came through that turmoil was it you canceled that or did it get canceled the venue started dropping yeah venues got what about how your friends in that reacted did you still have support or did everybody just that's on you no they fucked somebody people back to my friends I think some of my friends were actually quite relieved some of my friends were quite relieved that it stopped because it was getting crazy so I think some of my friends were like don't worry about it you know fuck it but celebrities all everyone that was up my ass before more or less 90% of them all either jump ship literally I'm following so I'm following so they can't be seen to support you you know when they've been fucking yeah I don't agree with that man you can understand people with a clean cut maybe they'll lose certain sponsorships but for me man if you're with somebody there's a couple of people that put like Tamra saying I'm good friends with Tamra he publicly spoke out about how I was being treated not many other people did keeping your circle for life my missus stuck with me do you know what I mean she made me when I had loads of money and I was doing well he feels if you were getting used was everybody wanted a VPC8 to create numbers I mean I used them as well yeah I was like famous people coming to me because I was blowing up and I was like oh my god it's famous people so it's a game you know you meet some people in this industry where you strike up a genuine friendship like me and Tamra and me and loads of people but some people you don't so you do use each other you know I don't blame them I just don't fucking know I saw a fucking leaf man and he feigned feigned feels amazing how old are you now 36 oh couldn't you I'm 36 oh yeah it's a horrible part of my life you're four away from 40 you're getting into your fucking second half first half's over mate and the second half's got to be more sensible isn't it your dick shrivels your balls shrivel man you just live so fucking down I feel like I'm a bit of shag now though I don't think you'll be so through all that mate love it that you're fucking back fighting me fuck everybody else tell me your plans for the future brother where do you see happening I'm trying to write films I'm trying to do acting what kind of film well I had a western play great reviews we done a western play we turned that into a film raised the money online so we're filming that at the end of November I've written like a comedy comedy drama series I'm trying to be like Ricky Gervais do you know what I mean do and stand up writing stuff and getting it commissioned after life is unbelievable genius that's what I like to write and acting so that's what I'm trying to do but if not why not if not the only person that can fare as you so I'm just going to keep writing it and just be a good dad and try and keep what I've got do you know what I mean find balance keep doing what you're doing like I say Ricky Gervais I believe he's a genius and look what he done in the Hollywood stage was it the Oscars he just fucking crucified he just went fucking he done it in such a way that it was serious it was truth but funny but do you know what he's so intelligent and he created publicity for after life fucking unbelievable genius people might go see what he actually done oh no he's more ideal but he has a great ability of talking about things like paedophiles in Hollywood and being friends with Jeffrey Epstein and sort of shining it in a box where if you complain about this you know what's that say about you do you know what I mean so it's like if you're offended by this stop touching kids do you know what I mean he's fucking good at the way he does it like in one of his stands up where he talks about Caitlyn Jenner he even turned it into a woman and then crashing the car becoming a bad driver it's so like it's so close like you know what are you doing but he says it in a way where you laugh and then like then he but he says you know what I shouldn't say I shouldn't say this and I shouldn't talk about this and I'll regret doing this but while he's actually saying it he's telling the joke so yeah it's genius but again you're a genius yourself with some of the stuff yeah but not some of the stuff you discredit yourself a lot as well stop fucking discredit yourself stop saying that oh you're not if I get it on Netflix why not say I'm gonna get it on Netflix well I will because I'm telling people I'll be the biggest podcast in the UK and then after that I'm going world wide I believe I'm already there I believe I'm already there fuck everybody else yeah the outside noise don't mean shit well yours is the only one I keep seeing popping up or not because it's blown up but I need to stay grounded still because I'm still a wee bit self seeking it's good isn't it getting a bit of attention as long as I don't go back to old habits no just be yeah and just be creative with who you get on in the interest of stories you're a star you're a big draw you're a big fucking draw because you're going to get people talking yeah I love him yeah oh I like it press make take stuff we'll keep our head above water well I love for your your listeners and that come over to what is your role your social media stuff yeah so my Instagram just come to my Instagram Dappers Instagram that's where I put everything but I've got a podcast chatting bollocks you can find me Daniel O'Reilly chatting bollocks we're doing chatting conspiracy bollocks at the moment I interviewed a lot of celebs as well before I've had a couple of seasons on it and it's picking up it's just gives me a nice space to talk and chat bollocks basically that's fairies will see that shit just sitting talking shit fairies just easy there's no agenda there's no bullshit there's no questions sitting here we're just talking I like being honest now as well you know what I mean it's a key to life brother pressing there's an extent I always say I'm honest but there's 90% there's shit I'll die with but there's stuff that but I'll still be do you know what I mean bro we can I'm like and we met on Twitter obviously so tell me what you thought about this on Twitter because obviously I'm conscious I wouldn't like but I think as long as we're conscious of the facts that it's good to try and improve who you are I think that's that's what I'm living by at the moment definitely and for anybody that's struggling Dan maybe going through a suicidal thoughts or maybe out on a leash and maybe lost a parent what advice would you give for them 100% is 100 100% is I know it's such a cliche but you've got to talk to someone man and if you haven't got a bottle of talk to anyone around you ring one of the lines because everything's tangled in your head at the moment and it's so easy to untangle and also sometimes I think that when when everything's as bad as it is it's like the universe's way of checking that you're ready for something good so if you can just survive this maybe something good is coming next it happened for me listen mate you're still here you're still grinding you're still hustling I look forward to seeing you jumping and I genuinely mean how you stick to acting bro no thank you oh that was great man I really appreciate it and I wish you all the best for the future for doing your misses and the kids thank you for having me mate check out more of my podcasts on the right and be sure to like share and comment your thoughts on this weeks podcast thank you