 Herpes. There, I said it. As a matter of fact, I have been talking about it and listening to videos about it. Probably did the past five days straight to the point that my partner Jared was like, can we stop with the herpes conversations? And no, we won't stop. Can't stop. And today we're going to keep it rolling and have a discussion that I think a lot of us need to have. Now, as somebody who has spent the last 10 years studying sex love relationships, I have talked about and gotten a little bullet point and been quizzed on herpes many times. But to be honest with you, I've never really put it all together. And of course, this whole usher thing and him having to spend basically close to $11 million, perhaps this point, 1.1 for the first lawsuit case. And now 10 million for the person who was suing him as a result of finding out about the first lawsuit case. It just makes it seem like, here is my confession. I don't super care about the usher situation. Like I care, but more importantly, I think this is a really incredible, teachable moment. So today I want to share with you guys what I do know about herpes. It is a common virus that causes sores on your genitals and or mouth. Now herpes can be annoying and painful, but it usually does not lead to serious health complications. There are eight known strains of herpes, but stigma follows two in particular HSV one and HSV two. Now it used to be thought that HSV one only affected the mouth and HSV two only the genitals, but is now known that the two can be transmitted to either area. So I think it's helpful to distinguish it by name rather than by number. So today we are discussing oral herpes, genital herpes and subclinical herpes, meaning herpes that has no symptoms at all, which by the way, can also be transmitted. Now, genital herpes is pretty common in America. It affects about one out of every six people, oral herpes, even more so than that herpes is transmitted through direct contact with an infected area. Now once someone becomes infected, herpes attaches itself to the nerve and travels through the nervous system, usually going dormant in the spine. Some people do not get an outbreak after being infected, but those that do will see a bump, rash or blister appear on or around the site of infection. Now, the first outbreak is notoriously the most painful and severe. Over time, outbreaks become less frequent and less uncomfortable. Herpes is not life threatening or lifestyle inhibiting. You can live normally, but you should be lifestyle conscious outbreaks occur when the immune system is compromised, underdeveloped or weak, which is why oral herpes is known as cold sore. Since that's when they tend to present themselves when again, the immune system is under attack. This is extremely important to note because those who do have underdeveloped immune systems like babies or compromised immune systems like those who are HIV positive, for example, are at risk for serious complications and need special care. A pregnant woman with herpes must discuss this with her doctor. Now people with herpes can take antiviral medication before or during an outbreak to reduce risk of transmission to partners, frequency of outbreaks and finally severity of outbreaks. While a person with oral or genital herpes has an outbreak, they must take special care that the infected area does not come in contact with any other body part or anyone else's body. But even when there is no outbreak, there are times when the virus is shedding without symptoms. That is why it is super important to use a physical barrier like a condom or dental dam at all times and to disclose your status to new partners so they can protect themselves accordingly. We're all just really frantic right now trying to get a grip on ourselves and on this story and I think it's time now to separate the fear from the fact. Herpes is a sexually transmitted disease and if you have it, it's because you are a bad person. Even though herpes can be transmitted sexually, that probably isn't the main way that people become carriers. It's better classified as a close contact infection when you are right up against an area especially having some type of friction with somebody who is shedding the virus at that point. That is when transmission occurs. Most people who have herpes simplex virus one will get that in their childhood years. Some people of course get it much later in life. It can be transmitted a variety of different ways. Sex is just one of them. Herpes is a disease that stays with you forever and makes your life a living hell. True, herpes is a viral infection and most sexually transmitted viruses tend to stay in the body for life. Although there are exceptions to this including human papilloma virus or HPV which for many people clears on its own whereas in herpes has not yet been proven to clear on its own but for many people it may not affect their life at all. As a matter of fact, the way that most people experience herpes is if they do have symptoms which many people don't they have an initial outbreak which tends to be the worst one and then after that point it may occur anywhere from two to six times a year. Some people never again at all and others maybe once every five years. Now the only time that the virus becomes present or is an actual force in your life is when again you get the blistering or you get the rash on the skin and for some people it can appear as razor bumps and other people. It can be blisters again that break and turn into ulcers and can be very tender and sore but again with antiviral medication that you take you can lessen the outbreaks and minimize them all together and so for a lot of people who are carriers of herpes it doesn't affect their day-to-day life and unlike HIV you don't have to take I'm getting a phone call. Hey how you doing? I'm good to have you. The thing about it is when she told me I was completely devastated I was crying I was you know like oh my god I have this thing that like you know has such a negative stigma and it's like so terrible but what about seeing we started like this is not you know terrible like I had one outbreak which I like one more that wasn't nearly as bad as the first one and after that it was fine like I feel like people think that when you have herpes it's just like every day you know it's a cold it's something down there and it's like disgusting when you look at it but it's literally your your genitals are completely normal looking every single day unless you have an outbreak. How does it work with the antiviral medication? You only take it when you have an outbreak so what I do is I take one in the morning one at night if I have an outbreak and I do that for three days and after those three days it'll be gone. What did they tell you about transmission or risks of transmission? I have an outbreak that's completely contagious but another thing that really like shocked me was that she said even if you use protection you can still yeah because it's not a sexually because they call it a sexually transmitted infection or disease but really it's a close contact infection. What was their advice to you in terms of protecting partners? She told me to just inform every part that I have of you know what it's not always guaranteed to work but is you know the best mode of action. As somebody who has herpes right now how did you take or how do you perceive this whole usher story? Effect lash but when I have herpes like I since I know I have that experience and I know what it's like I know it's not as single deal as people make it out to be and a lot of people have it that's so crazy. A lot of people say negative things but their best friend probably has it. Can you give me like three things that you learned? I don't want to have unprotected sex with them just because it doesn't look. I'm sorry that took a while but thank you so much for making yourself available and especially on like last-minute notice that means the world and so just want a sense of your story of when you contracted it and how it has affected your life. Seven years ago I believe it was had a boil vacation since the medical field but I wasn't a nurse at that time and I thought oh my gosh my sex life is over my life is over what am I going to be now if he be who nobody else is going to want me um and then I actually found that. What would you like to see done differently? You know people to become very you know very um normal healthy life. I think that's such an important part because genital herpes or oral herpes is not any form of the herpes are not life threatening but it does threaten people in terms of there are some people who commit suicide because they feel that their life can't go on and they don't know how to face themselves or face the world anymore and that really exists with the way that we respond to herpes versus what herpes actually does to the individual. Due to popular demand I am now podcasting daily on anchor fm now that is a place you guys can go to ask questions you actually leave voice notes and then I answer your questions so go to anchor.fm slash shambly to sign up and to have your daily questions answered I get it girl