 God, I'm experiencing some trials right now. I'm experiencing some suffering right now, and I don't know why. I don't know why I experienced this anxiety. I've done this forever. I'm supposed to be shooting another video right now, but I just can't do it. To be honest, I have struggled more than I ever have before to get in front of the microphone, to get in front of the camera, to make videos. I'm just having such a hard time, and I was telling my sister about this the other day, and she was so confused. She was like, okay, wait, you have like 100,000 subscribers. Why are you all of a sudden so anxious about getting in front of the camera? Like, what's going on? And I honestly have a hard time explaining it. I guess in this video I kind of wanna do that. Maybe you're experiencing something similar in your own life. Satan wants to tell us two lies. He wants to tell us a lot more lies than that, but these are the two that come to mind. He wants to convince us that we are enough without God, that we don't need God, that we can do it on our own. And the second lie is that we are not enough with God. I've struggled with that second lie that I am enough that I'm not enough with God, that that's not enough for me, that God's not enough for me, that He hasn't equipped me with what I need in order to do what I need to do. And that's been really, really challenging because that fear, that fear of losing it all, that fear of having built something, but then realizing, man, I don't have it. It's a faith that is misplaced, and let me explain a little bit. God was the one to give me this platform. God was the one to really bring about all that has happened. And I was telling this to my pastor at the other day because I was kind of talking a little bit about this, that you know what, I really don't know what I did to make this work in a sense in a lot of ways. Like I tried my best. I tried to be a clear communicator. I tried to do lots of research. I tried to be entertaining, to be interesting, to be truthful, to preach the gospel. But I don't know what the difference was. And ultimately it was like, hey, this was God's plan, okay? This was what God wanted to happen. With me rewriting history, that I did something, that it was me that kind of came about building this thing, and now all of a sudden it's my job to maintain it or to figure out what I did and keep it going. It's putting my trust and my faith in the wrong place. And I think that's a lot of the anxiety and the fear is not believing that God has got me, not believing that God was the one who gave me this platform and he's the one that is directing my steps if I trust in him and submit to him, that he's gonna give me what I need. And a lot of it is the fear of man, honestly. I wanna appear as smart, as creative, as entertaining, as truthful. And I don't know that I can, to my standards of perfection, execute that. I can't deliver a perfect video. I can't deliver a perfect piece of content. And that's a lot of, it's been challenging to try to navigate that perfectionism because I wanna make perfect content. And I want that to glorify God. Even now, as I made like hundreds of pieces, thousands of pieces of content, continue to battle with this and say, you know what, this is what God wants me to deliver in this moment. God, I'm trusting in you that you're gonna use this despite my flaws, despite my failure through Christ, that's enough, right? Like, that's what I need to deliver. That's all I have. Like, I'm gonna bring him what I have. My little loaves and fishes to God and I'm gonna ask God to multiply it. But the fear is still there. The anxiety is still there and I don't know quite how to get rid of it. I think it's just continuing to do what I know I've been called to do. Because I know I've been called to this. Believe me, as much as I feel like sometimes maybe I should just quit, I know that's not the path. I know that's not the path. It's in those moments where we push ourselves outside of what is comfortable for us that we truly encounter the all sufficiency of God, truly, like it's in those moments that we push ourselves out of what is comfortable for us, what is, you know, safe and feels good. Like it's actually when we get out of those moments where we're truly forced to rely on God and that's what I'm experiencing. And I never thought I'd have to experience it in this context. I thought it would be with something new, not something I've done for six years, but it is. And each time I come to the mic, I come to the camera. I come with anticipation, with excitement, but also this knowledge and I'm trying to come with this knowledge of God is the one that's gonna do something with this. I wanna be a vessel for him and that's it. That's all I can do and it's not gonna be perfect. And I don't know where you're at with this stuff. Like I don't know, maybe you're not a content creator, but you got other things that you're working on and you want it to be perfect. You want it to be substantial and you're buying into the lie that you're not enough with God, right? You're buying into that lie that you need something more, that you need to figure out something in order to make something work. It's like, no, God is enough for you. Your mission at this point is to put your faith in Jesus and trust in him and submit to him and to show up day in and day out to where he has placed you regardless of how you feel because that fear is gonna come, that anxiety is gonna come. That doesn't mean that you should quit the mission. That doesn't mean that you should quit the mission. That means that you need to trust in the one who orchestrated the mission. That's what, that his plan is good. That his plan, that he knows what's going on. And so if all of a sudden you decide that because you are uncomfortable or you're not feeling it anymore or all of a sudden you feel this anxiety, that that means that's a sign that you should give up, no, no it's not. It's actually a sign that you're getting closer. You're getting closer to submission to God and say, God, I'm experiencing some trials right now. I'm experiencing some suffering right now and I don't know why. I don't know why I experienced this anxiety. I've done this forever, but I'm gonna give it to you and I'm gonna show up. And that act of faith, that act of faith to say, God, I don't know what's going on, but I'm gonna show up anyway. That's huge, that's huge. And that's what you need to begin. And maybe in the past you felt on fire, you felt like, oh man, like I know what I'm doing. I know what God has called me to and I'm excited about it, I'm passionate about it. And in some ways it's scary, but it feels easy because you're like this where I'm supposed to be. But it's not always gonna be like that. Sometimes you're going through the wilderness. Sometimes you're being tempted to stray off the path, but it doesn't mean that in those moments, God is any less present with you. It's actually kind of a blessing to be in those moments because all the distractions of the world, all the fluff is kind of pushed away and you're forced to really rely on God. It's like, God, I'm going through the wilderness right now. God, I'm going through some trials right now. God, I'm struggling right now. I need you in this, I need you. And he'll meet you there, he will, he will. And I don't want you guys to take this as a pity party for me because look, we all experienced this stuff, you experienced this stuff too, but right now I wanna take it as a blessing. Take it as a blessing to reorient my heart and my mind on God. Cause guys, this is where I'm at. This is where I'm supposed to be. And I'm excited about it, but I'm also terrified because I know I don't have what it takes, but I know that God has given me and is giving me his power and presence in my life that through him, I can fulfill this mission that he has for me. That's the distinction. That's the distinction on my own. I'm not enough, but with God, yes, we have what we need. You have what you need through God. But don't for a second think that it's just you. Don't for a second think that it's just you doing it and building it and making it happen. It's not your standard of perfectionism that's saving this thing. No, it's you showing up day in and day out and trusting God to bring multiplication, to bring fruit out of it. You don't have that power. And look guys, we all make mistakes man. We all sin and those days that we don't show up and those days that we have a bad attitude. Some days we let the anxiety and the fear take hold of us. And that's when we ask God for grace. God have mercy on me, a sinner. I need you. That orientation of submission, of humility is what we're called to. And I feel that more now than ever. And there's been times in my life where I felt that and I've come out on the other side that much stronger and more reliant on God even when things start going better. And if anything, just take this as a blessing, a blessing that this is a strengthening period for you. I take that for me. This is a strengthening period for me, you know? There's been a lot of blessings in the midst of it. But a few bad weeks man, they can mess with your mind. They can mess with you. But our hope is in Christ. It's not about circumstantial stuff going right exactly as we want it. No, it's realizing that God's got this planned out. He's got the mission and we're gonna trust Him. Thank you guys for watching this video. Thank you to everyone who supports me in this ministry and what I do. This is my passion. This is my calling. This is my mission. That will not change until God changes it. So I'm here. I show up even though there's fear, even though there's anxiety, but there's so much joy and excitement that I have because I know that God is in control of this. And so thank you for supporting this. Thank you for enabling me to do this. These next six months are gonna be important. There's gonna be a lot of things coming up with the ministry in about six months. And I've been experiencing a lot of spiritual warfare as a result of that, I really believe. And I'm so thankful to have a lot of prayer warriors in the community that are praying for me and praying for this ministry that will continue to help people follow Jesus daily and equip them to do just that. That's my mission. That's my heart. So thank you guys. Thank you for supporting on Patreon. And yeah, I love each and every one of you. And we'll chat again. God bless guys.