 ...and Elliot Lewis on stage. Abby Lewis and Elliot Lewis, two of the most distinguished names in radio, appearing each week in their own theater, starring in a repertory of transcribed stories of their own and your choosing. Radio's foremost player in Radio's foremost play. Ladies and gentlemen, Elliot Lewis. Good evening. May I present my wife, Kathy. Good evening. We don't know where you live. We live in a very quiet suburban community. We know approximately where you live from your letterhead and the postmarks on your letters. But if you live in, say, Kansas City, we don't know where in Kansas City. In the city or in the suburbs or way out of town. But we live in the suburbs and, living there, we've found that we have many things in common with our neighbors. We disagree on many things, but also we agree on many more. And if you were able to put those remarks into the form of a radio drama, you could get quite a story out of it. A young man named Arthur Ross did just that and tonight we're going to do it. So, if you will, listen now to A Circle of Wheels. Good morning, dear. Good morning, dear. Orange juice or prunes? Isn't today Wednesday? Yes. Prunes on Wednesday? You weren't feeling very well on Saturday and we had them instead of orange juice or orange juice for Sunday instead. Oh, yes. I'll sit down in a minute. Mm-hmm, yes. Why don't you start on your prunes? I'd better go light. Doctor today. That's in the afternoon. I know, I know. But I hate to eat too much when I'm going for a physical. With all that pressing and pushing, I might get sick. Upset stomach. But you'll be at the doctor's. Of course. Only if I'd come to him because I had an upset stomach, that would be different. But I'm going for an annual physical. And if I get sick, he'll say, why didn't you come sooner? Why did you wait for your annual physical? That happened to me once, remember? That's exactly what I remember. I felt like such a fool. I kept telling him I felt fine, only he didn't really believe me. I'd like to go to the doctor's and feel fine. The way we go for our annual checkup. I admit, I kind of enjoy seeing him frown all the way through it, looking for something and then straighten up and say, Alan, Alan Burke, your sound is atop. Sit as a fiddle. He always says, sound as a top, sit as a fiddle. He seems so pleased that we feel good. Sure, why not? He works hard to keep us fit and we don't let him down. It's the way I feel at the office when my salesmen go out after a meeting and boost their ratings up 50 and 100 percent. They don't let me down. Do you mind if I ask how you're coming along with Charlie McCleady? No. No, I don't mind at all. I'm coming along all right with him. Yes, all right. He doesn't ride you anymore. Well, no, not really. I mean, he does sometimes, but now I understand him. That's very important. Yes. I admit, it's a little hard to take once in a while, but a job is a job and we can't have everything our own way in life. But you do a lot of his work and he takes credit for it. I wish you hadn't said that. I'm sorry. Only because it's true. Absolutely true. His smiling face and funny talk when we have coffee. That doesn't throw me off a bit. He doesn't like you. Not really. That's what fools me. When we have coffee, he's fine. Like an old friend. And then, boom, in front of the boss, he belittles me. Takes credit. Why don't you tell the boss? Why not? I hate that Charlie McCready. I really hate him because I can't tell the boss. Maybe he doesn't mean it. Mean it? Who cares if he means it? He does it. I mean, maybe that's just his way. Maybe he can't have it. Well, I've got a right to be. Perhaps you're right. And since you understand more than he does, I mean, really understand more, maybe you should overlook it. I am the stronger one, really. Even if it looks like he's pushing me around. That's right, dear. Even if it seems like he's getting the best of everything, I am the stronger one. You certainly are. And if I show how much I've prevented him, it'll only make him worse. Small people like Charlie McCready would react that way. Maybe we should ask him over. Sort of ease the tension. That's right. He isn't a bad sort. I find many nice things about his wife. And the man who's so pleasant at coffee. There must be something basically good in him. You know, a man who's so good-natured. I do, Alan. It sounds like a very smart thing to do. All right. Old Charlie is not a bad sort at all. I mean, once you try to get to know him. I'm glad you're not letting your emotions run away with you. 8.15. I better get going. Do you want my afternoon appointment at the doctor's? I can take your morning one. No, no. This is fine. He'll let me know what the doctor says. Of course. When will you ask Charlie? After I see the doctor. One thing at a time. Always. One thing at a time. Goodbye, Alan. Goodbye, Elsie. Alan. Yes, Elsie? You didn't eat much dinner either. Hmm? I said you didn't eat much dinner. Wasn't it very good? The dinner? Oh, yes. Very good. I got home so late from the doctor's. I didn't have time to really fix the kind of dinner we usually have. I wasn't very hungry. Neither was I. What did the doctor say about you? Oh, fine. Fine. He said I was signed as a top. That's good. What did the doctor say about you? Me? Oh, fine. Just great. That's as it is. That's good. Alan? I'm glad you're feeling so well. You look fine. You never look better, dear. I said you... Alan, I said you never look better. I shouldn't. I should look terrible. You feel terrible? Do you have a pain? Are you keeping something from me? That's the point. There is no pain. Nothing. Alan? Tell me. Alan, what is it? It's incurable. But it's nothing anyone's ever had. No one ever. There aren't any books on it. There's never been any research. There aren't any medicines. Oh, Alan. And whatever it is, they don't even know if I have it. But, uh, the symptoms... There aren't any symptoms. No signs. I told you, no aches. I never even knew I had the wheel in my liver. A wheel in your liver? Yes, a wheel. A cog, a small wheel that fits in perfectly. They x-rayed me from every angle. It isn't disturbing anything, and they can't take it out because no one's ever taken a wheel out of the liver. Now, see what I did. What's wrong? Alan, what's happening to us? What do you mean? I have the same thing. No. Alan? Alan, what is it? I don't know. He didn't tell me you. The doctor didn't even warn me about you. What is it, Alan? What's happening to us? Nothing's happening. It's a mistake, an error. An obvious error. Of course. His x-ray machine went on the blank. It must photograph right through the tabletop. And we just happened to be the first two patients. He must be told. Now, right now, tonight. What takes so long? The doctor is preparing something, something he wants to show us. Are you worried? About what? About... wheel. Say it, wheel in the liver. You see, it's just like that. Because there's nothing to it. It's a mistake, an error in his x-ray machine. We haven't failed. It's his machine. Alan, help me. Come here, please. Turn off that light switch, please. Now, there you see your x-ray. Both of the thoracic olumbar regions. There. There it is, Alan. I see it. Of course it's there. Now, doctor, you must fix that machine. You must. And here's a third, x-ray. Oh, find the wheel. Ah, it's gone. You fixed the machine. That's my liver. There is no wheel. And I had my assistant take a picture of me on the same x-ray machine. Then we really had it? You do. What now, doctor? I would like to say operate. If you have to. I can't. There's nothing wrong with your sad rate, your heart, your metabolism. Can it still end, doctor? Of course. There's no infection. Your liver is functioning without trouble or abnormality. But we can't just walk around with a wheel inside of two wheels. I know. She had one and I had one. No, no. Look, these are the x-rays I just took of you. Since your last visit this afternoon, each obtained another wheel. Healthy. Healthy. Step aside. You're healthy. Inhale this. That's fine. Good. You're keeping something from us, doctor. I've told you all I know. You're protecting us. You knew there were two wheels there all the time. I tell you, when you were here this afternoon, you only had one each. You grew a second one since then. Nobody grows wheels. Except you and your wife. That's an out-and-out lie. Alan, Elsie, I know you're disturbed, but all we can do right now is wait and see. See what? Where it leads us. Right now we know that your bodies are growing a new wheel every eight to ten hours. Alan, we'd better go home. You are listening to Kathy and Elliot Lewis on stage. Let's play A Circle of Wheels. How glorious pay raises come. I'm the glorious face at what's that? You don't know what to do with it. Well, I'm going to do it. I'm going to show you how to make that raise of yours really pay off. Yes, sir. Instead of spending that dough every month, what you're going to do is start saving it regular life. All right, thank you. You're going to start saving it before you get a taste of it. That's why you're not going to miss it. What you're doing is you're sucked that raise away in a Satan's program and you're really going to have something when you get back home. It piles up fast, then, so see if you find your software now before the raise comes in and sign up for a big 10 savings deposit. You'll get a big 10% interest on your money, price as much as you get from banks and savings and loans. And believe me, you're not going to get 10% again the rest of your life. Take advantage of being in the service, over three. Suck that raise away in savings deposit, and pile up a message for a bright future. Yes, sir. It's 11.30, Alan. Come to bed. Did you put out the torchlight? Yes. Good. There were three milk bottles out there. Did you want to put three on? It's Thursday. I always get an extra quart for baking on Friday. Oh, yes. Good night, Alfie. Good night, Alan. No, I must know. I'm so glad you're talking about it. I can't stand not talking about it. Nobody. Not our friends or relatives. Nobody. Absolutely nobody must know about these wheels. What could that do? How do we get to specialists if they don't hear about it? There aren't any specialists in this. Yes, of course. And our doctors won't say a word. We couldn't tell people anyway. They wouldn't believe it. They'd think we were crazy. I'd just like to see somebody say that. I'd just like to see them say we're crazy after they look at those x-rays. It isn't going to be easy keeping quiet. When I'm afraid of something, I have to talk and talk and talk about it like talking enough words about it makes it get out of my system. All right. Talk if you want to, but just remember, we're different now. Our friends would understand. Would they? Would they really remember what happened to Joe? That was different. That was something he did. It was kind of crazy. Because he liked to ride around in winter with the top of his convertible down. He really liked it. And our friends kept saying, Joe is trying to be eccentric. You know it. You heard them. It isn't the same thing. You could see that. No, it's exactly the same. And Marsha, what about Marsha? And Marsha was different. You didn't like her yourself after she changed. What doesn't that prove it? It's the same. We're the very identical same people we always were. Would they think so? Would you think so if it was a couple of our friends? If a couple of our friends suddenly had this, wouldn't you feel uncomfortable around them, not want to be around them? I'd try to understand. I'd try to see their viewpoint. You try. You try to understand them like they were something strange. You said it. You just said it yourself. We're not, we're not something strange. We're different. Different enough not to be the same. Different enough to make people feel funny around us. Different enough to make people think we've changed in what we feel and who we are. But not telling would be living a lie. Or living alone. I've never heard you talk like this before, Alan. I never thought you had so little belief in our friends. I know them. I know myself. I know you. We're just like them. When do we go to the doctor again? Saturday. Good night, Alan. Good night, Alfie. Alan? Yes. Would you please take in one of the milk bottles? I don't think I'll do any baking this week. What did the doctor say? Seven. There's seven wheels now. You? Thanks, you. Why us? Why does it have to happen to you and me? Why? What have we done in our lives to deserve this? I haven't done anything, Alan. I've been a lawyer wife. A faithful wife. I know. I know you have. I didn't mean that. And you? I've never looked at another woman. Never. Every night I've been out, you've known bowling on Tuesday nights. And Wednesday nights, we sat in. Play cards, playing bridge every Friday. Is that it? Was it wrong to play for a tenth of a center point? Is that it? We won't anymore. We won't play. We'll stop. I'll call the Gordon and tell him we won't play anymore. I always helped out people. Every year, didn't I contribute to every charity? Even more than we could afford, didn't I? Yes, that's right. You did. Even when Charlie insulted you and said you were a cheap steak, we're not giving as much as he did. I didn't tell him off. I didn't insult him. We did the same things they did. Why didn't this happen to them? We read the same newspapers. The same books? And both the same ways. And have the same friends. Why not them? Why not? Why not? We're no different from anybody we know. That isn't a question. Selfie, perhaps you're right. But you must admit, it's a very difficult thing to accept. Twelve wheels, doctor? Are you sure? Twelve? It's beyond the realm of known science. There's nothing I can do to help you. The socket joining the thigh bone to the femur has been displaced by interlocking cogs. The first and second vertebrae are converting at this moment. At least now we can see them in the process. As nearly as I can tell, you are rapidly displacing your own bodies with machinery. Robot, doctor? It's not in my field. Robot, doctor? I have an MD friend who is also a working physicist. He works in the field of relativity. I have another friend who is a mechanical engineer and another scientific colleague who is one of the foremost experts in digital and analog computers. I beg your pardon? Mechanical brain? I'll arrange a consultation. Why doesn't the doctor call? It takes time to round up such important people. I can't, I just can't believe this has happened. He's our family doctor. He's never lied to us. Would you like some coffee? No, thank you. What I mean is I can't believe this happened to us. Either can I, but a fact is a fact and there's no getting around facts. I want screaming. It wouldn't help. I want to cry. You'd only upset yourself. But I'm still human, I'm still not... I'll see all we can do is wait. Wait for what? For wheels and cogs to take us over? Sit here and wait while it goes on? Would you like to go for a walk? So many things I wanted to do. How much to fix up in the house. We don't have to wait here for the doctor's call. If you want to go for a walk, I can call him from time to time. Please, hey, it's a living room. A walk? It would help. You haven't asked me to go for a walk in a long time. I thought it might help. You used to ask me to go for a walk because it was so nice holding hands. We could do that. But you weren't thinking of it for that reason. For that too? I can't really remember... been so long. We've only been married five years. It isn't that long. It's long when a husband... Yes? When a husband? Takes his wife for granted. Loses the love they had, throws it away. Are you saying another woman? No. There are other ways, lots of other ways to cheat a wife out of her love. I did what a good husband should. You worked, period. You worked and paid bills and kept the cars running. I kept order. Oh, yes. So you did your job all right. Oh, yes. What else did you want me to do? Spend all day at home with you. Hold your hand all the time. What's a husband for? To love his wife. To work. To love his wife and make her feel like no matter what happens. She's just safe because she's loved. Safe and happy. I did my duty. I fulfilled it. Duty, duty. That's all I've ever heard from you. What about you? Just now. Now. I asked you to go for a walk. And what are you talking about? The house. How you were going to do this and that with us. A house. Always this house. You like it? Sure. In the beginning. In the beginning it was fine. Only then it was just a place to live. And what is it now? A trap. A snarling trap. Whenever we had a problem once, you used to talk to me about it. And we'd get over being mad. Only in the past couple of years, you just put up something new for the freezer or cleaned up the spots on the dining room rug or plant a petunia patch instead and go right on being mad at me. I never thought you noticed. Did you even notice anymore if I was mad or happy or loved you? Notice? How could I miss it? And it even passed the point where you were fixing it up for me. It was just so people could admire it. What else did you expect? You wanted a place to bring business context, people you did business with. You like a nice home to bring them to. Sure, sure. But who always suggested it first? Bring them home, you'd say. Bring home all your business deals. And I'll close it with a good dinner and chance curtain. I did what I thought you wanted me to do. Sure, but not at my expense. Can you say I ever once that I ever failed my duty as your wife? Housewife. What? Duty as a housewife. No, that was fine. But as a wife? Yes. Only when you forgot to be a husband. Only when you got so wrapped up working like a husband you forgot to be one. What about you? Couldn't you have been both? Couldn't you find time for this house and me? Couldn't you? I tried. So did I. And then stopped. I wanted to do more. I wanted to tell you a thousand of, a million times about what I felt. I never thought you wanted to know. Did you know I used to spend half my days crying sometimes? No, I didn't. And even now, even now all you can do is say no, I didn't. Without any feeling. Without feeling? Without it? Sometimes. You remember when I used to go out to the garage to work on the table, do you know why it's taken almost two years to finish it? Because I never worked on it. I used to sit there staring at the wall and I used to keep saying, if only she'd want to listen. If only she'd want to know what was going on inside me. Just once, that's all. Sometimes I saw it. You never said anything. You were always so strong-willed, like you never needed anybody. I could be angry if I said I know this. Years waste. So much we wanted to say, but only inside. Never telling, never saying. Walking around like robots. What will it be like not to be able to cry anymore? What a laugh. To feel no deep inside stirring, Billy. We didn't for a long time. No, we won't. There's a little time left. A little. To love each other again. Oh my darling. They hold me. First I will show you the old X-rays. You will follow the course of the growth of wheels in the bodies of Mr. and Mrs. Burke. You see them clearly, and now the latest plate, taken in your presence. They're gone, boss. They're gone. The wheels are gone. That's impossible. Gone. Doctor, in the first X-ray you take with witnesses, your claims are exploded. You are a charlatan. There are no wheels in their liver or kidneys or femur or vertebrae or anywhere else. Good day, sir. I don't understand. I don't... I don't understand. Alan, you saw them. They're there in the other X-rays. Elsie, don't you? Oh, yes. Then where are they in the new X-rays? Gone. I know you got some special treatment. You went to someone on the side, away from me. No, no, that's impossible. There's no one, absolutely no one. Who knows anything about this? And I refuse to believe in magic. So do we. Then what happened? We fell in love again. We were always in love. Then we were able to admit it again. And enjoy it. I don't understand. That's a pity. You'd better take an X-ray of yourself immediately. Hello, little girl, overnight, you know. And we're not having Charlie McReady for dinner. Ever. Or anybody like him. Night, doctor. A circle of wheels, starring Kathy and Elliot Lewis on stage. It was our great pleasure this evening to have Woodfield Conner join us for the first time. He was a terribly confused doctor. A few weeks past, we did a story called The Seller Door. And you seemed to enjoy it very much. Thank you for writing to tell us. It was written by Bernard Gerard, who then wrote another script for it. Which we're going to do next week. It's called New York's A Nice Place to Visit, but I wouldn't want to live here. Until next week. Thank you for listening. Good night. Good night.