 Yeah, I know. Mustache. Nice mustache. I get it, okay? I get it. It's for Movember, okay? It's a good cause. Today is another video in a series that I'm willing to bet you thought was long dead. Here's one for the OG Wolfshop publishing audience. Do you remember hilariously terrible looking books? That's right, we're doing another one. Yes, yes, yes! Please try to contain your excitement. So my old hilariously terrible looking books videos, they still get a few views and every now and then someone will tweet me or private message me a picture of a hilariously terrible looking book cover. And to be honest, I thought we'd gone through all of them. And I know that sounds like an absurd claim, but we looked at a lot of them. But you've been sending them to me and I've been saving them and collecting them and I think we finally have enough for another video. So with that said, if you know of any book covers that you think are just weird as shit, send them to me. Anyway guys, let's just jump into it. The first book cover I want to look at is, it's a popular, it's a very popular book right now and you're gonna know it when you see it, but we need to talk about this cover, right? It's called Down the Hawk by Maggie Steve. Steve Fatter. Look at it. Don't get me wrong, it's not horrible, but it is like, it does look a lot like the old trade paperbacks like from way, way back in the day. Like every year I go to this like a charity book fest thing. They have like millions of books and more than half of them are like super old, crappy obscure trade paperbacks from like the 70s or earlier. I'm just saying this looks kind of inspired by that. Even the font for the title looks like something that could be easily found within Microsoft Word. There is another cover for Call Down the Hawk that I actually like, but I haven't yet seen someone with an actual book with that cover. On the topic of covers for books nowadays, what is it with birds, man? What the fuck? It must be a really, really good time to be a bird. There's plenty of work out there at the moment for a bird. Like if you have a bird square up, tell them to go get a fucking job because now is the time. It's always either hawks, ravens or crows. They're just, they're everywhere. Moving on. Oh my, oh my God. Jesus. What? That baby has seen some shit. That baby did not just see their parents get it on. They saw their parents doing some freaky, freaky deep dark web shit. My God. That baby is questioning its entire existence already and it's probably like three weeks out of the womb. Poor cosmic baby. So we have another baby one. This one is of course a classic story. I'm sure we all remember from our childhood. You're never too young to get shit on. Okay, boomer. Got him. Like I mean, love him or hate him. He's spitting straight facts. That's what the cosmic baby is so depressed about. Oh my God. A wrinkle in time. Isn't that, isn't that like a really popular book? Isn't that, hang on. Hold on, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, hold on. A wrinkle in time. Yo, what the fuck? That's the Oprah movie. What the fuck? I'm not sure how you get from that to that, but okay. Man, the 80s were a weird, weird time. You just know someone. Whichever Dopehead came up with this, you know they were sitting in a smoke filled basement tripping bowls on LSD, listening to Pink Floyd just like, hey, hey, hey, man. What if we like mix a Pegasus and a Centaur? Would that be cool? I think that'd be pretty cool, man. I don't know what the fuck that says. Is that a B? Is that Bess and the daying scholars? Bess and the daying sc… Maybe it's a P? Jesus Christ. This book cover makes me feel like I just had a freaking stroke. Oh god, let's… Okay. Okay, alright. Who slipped a 90s Disney show in here? I'm pretty sure I've seen this one, alright? It's about a middle schooler who hacks. She's got to like hack into the school system to, I don't know, change her grades so her parents don't get a divorce or something like that. Oh hell yeah man, look at that. Envy, the root of all evil. Am I right? Oh shit, it's part two. Graphic design is my passion. Thank god for stock images, hey. Keeping the self publishing industry alive. Hold up, who slipped a photo of me into the collection, guys? Come on now. What's taking book, dude? At least Homeboy had the decency to like cover himself, kinda. Imagine this, okay? You're chillin' at the club. You're having a drink, you're having a nice night. I rock up, I swagger over to you like I do. And I say, what's up girl? My Homeboy over there, he thinks you're cute. How about we get them digits? You look over my shoulder and you see this. Oh no, there's… Okay. Why though? Is that the dude's name? Commander James Bondage? Not gonna lie, that's pretty cool. That's… How many authors do you know that hold the title Commander? Commander Bondage. Hoorah! Yo, what? My father Kim Jong-il and I. North Korea's exiled son Kim Jong-nam speaks out. Nah, that's not Kim Jong-nam, is it? Okay, let's… Enhance. Analyze. Okay, alright, I think I see what's happening here. So we got Kim Jong-nam, right? And then we have Kim Jong-nam that sells MDMA to kids in the back of the skyline. Alright, to be fair, I did say it's a really good time to be a bird. We've talked about a lot of weird erotic fiction on this channel, right? You know, the dinosaurs and the sasquatches, yeties, whatever. To be fair, I never considered that birds were a thing. I just… I don't… I don't get it. I'm not trying to kink shame, but fuck. What? What? That's all I have. What? I'm at least glad that they clarified it's adults only, because I was a little confused by the cover. I wasn't entirely sure. Oh, damn, yeah. Mmm, sexy… sexy man with a chain. You guys are gonna have to sympathize with me here. It's very hard to follow up after a bird sex book with the question, why would someone be aroused by the idea of being sold? Still don't remember why I stopped doing these videos. I get it, the dude's jacked. He's a werewolf prince. You can't compete with that. Not even close to being the weirdest, bizarre erotica book cover I've ever seen. Try harder. You're boring. Oh, wait, yeah, I've seen this one. Okay, alright. Have a look at this book cover and you try and… I'll give you a little bit of time. Try and figure out what it is about this book cover that is so weird. Did you see it? I'll give you one more chance, ready? Look really closely. See if you can see anything that's just unusual about this book cover. Did you get it? Okay, look at the dude's fucking leg. What is, like, the funniest thing about this is that this is a real book cover for a, like, huge, hugely popular and purchased book. Some fucking graphic designer sat there and dead ass edited the leg to look like it's twice the size of his body and handed it in to their fucking boss and the boss was like, Nailed it, dude. Nice work. Get it to print. That would have been a very different movie had he had a leg that was five foot long. That's all I'm saying. Jesus. I don't like that. I don't. Why? Why does it have teeth? Everything about this cover just creeps me out. Like, the train face is the first thing that comes to view. Don't get me wrong. After I do my nightly crying myself to sleep tonight, that's probably what I'm going to see staring at me from the ceiling. But also, what's the go with the conductor dude? Dude definitely looks like the type of guy that puts his peepee in a vacuum cleaner. Don't you worry, children? Only three more stops to go. Would anybody like to ride up front? The train's face is how kids stare at you out in public when you're in the shopping centers and stuff and they're just sitting across from you just staring at you. That's what it looks like. Oh boy. Nailed it. I was going to make a comment about how stock images of rabbits, even humanoid rabbits is probably one of the easiest things to find on the internet. And then I saw the cat. Look at it. That's how my cat Bonnie looks at the dog through the window when the dog's shot outside and she's got her little piece of chicken. Okay, that's not... I'm pretty sure that's not the real cover for that story. Well, that's just lazy. Oh, what a... What a beautiful book to finish up on today, folks. He might not be able to make him a sandwich, but he sure as hell can fill his needs. With a line like that, just what type of cover would you expect to see following up? I'm not even going to make you guess or wait. It's my flawed lover, Dildo Hands. That's just... That just doesn't look practical. It doesn't look safe either, if I'm being honest. Come on, guys. What do we... It's one of the first things you learn in high school. Don't let strangers with Dildos for hands put themselves in... All right, okay. I'm not going to finish that sentence. Well, did it, did it, did it... That's all, folks. If you're not already following me on Twitter and if you have any wacky book covers or anything like that, it doesn't matter how gross they are. I really don't mind. Just tweet him to me there. Because looking at book covers like this, it just solidifies my belief that there can be no God or at the very least, we stray further from God every single day. We live in a society. I'm going to be honest. I got no more jokes. I'm still a bit flabbergasted from Dildo, Dildo Hands. I mean... It was a matter of time, I guess, that someone was going to... After Edward says the hands at least, someone was going to take that... Take that dive. Thanks for watching. Catch ya.