 Hey team, welcome to head versus heart, a kind of simplified, more raw version of magic versus logic. I'm going to answer a question that you guys have asked and give you two different perspectives and I want you guys who are watching to help the questioner out by deciding which is the better example. If you have experience, of course, that's all the more better and leave that in the comment section. So we're going to get to this week's question, which comes from a lady named Nina. She says, this week's question is juicy. I just found out my ex-boyfriend has a boyfriend now. He dated all throughout college and honestly, I would describe him during the last year of our relationship as mean. I tried so hard to stay with him, but eventually my spirit couldn't take the strain. So when I found out he is gay now, a lot of questions and emotions went through me, but mostly a lot of anger. We haven't spoken in about two years. Do you think I have the right to be mad and furthermore, should I confront him? No. Yes. Can I please go first? Thank you. I first want to start talking about the Kinsey scale. It's a much more flexible way of looking at sexual orientation rather than just heterosexual or homosexual. On the Kinsey scale, it goes from zero to six and zero being somebody who is starkly completely clearly heterosexual and six is the opposite for homosexuality. Now in between there, there are five magical numbers where most of us actually end up sitting and can shift numbers all throughout our lifetime. In addition to that as well too, you should judge yourself not only by action, but also by fantasy and thought because at some point in life, we may be, I think us for example, I'd say that we are zero in action and two in fantasy or like a 2.5 anyways at the end of the day, whenever an ex lover finds a new lover, we all get this sense of confusion and betrayal and I can get why for you it can specifically feel like deception, but I want you to push that out of your mind just because he now identifies with being homosexual or with having somebody who is a same sex lover does not mean that at the time he wasn't completely and utterly in love with you. Somebody for example who is a three on the Kinsey scale will identify with being bisexual or sometimes pansexual and pansexual means it's the size of someone's heart, not the size of their sexual organs, which makes them fall in love with somebody. And I'm going to have to stop you. Okay then. I would totally agree with the whole he may have known that he was attracted to people with the same boy bits as him thing if it wasn't for the fact that Nina clearly stated that he was mean to her during their entire last year of their relationship. This to me is a clear signifier that he may have been ego dystonic at this time. It's a big fancy word. I know ego dystonic basically means when who you are with who you want to be are not actually aligned and can make people go into depression or be very aggressive, be very angry to the point in which he forced you to break up with him all because he was unable to be honest about himself and what he was experiencing in a relationship, dragging you through the mud, breaking your heart all along the way and you deserve some answers because of this. So in the very least, I think that you deserve an explanation and he owes you an apology. So you suggest that she goes in guns blazing to battle somebody who's already been fighting with themselves for a long time. Precisely. He lost the right for you to care about his feelings and tiptoe around what his needs are when he started being mean towards you. And the last thing that you want is to go into another relationship carrying residual fear or bitterness or feeling like this could happen again. And for you to not feel that way, you have to understand what actually did happen. Forget his feelings and his comfort zone and what feels comfortable for him. Get your answers, get your apologies and get your life. The last thing that you want is for this experience to scar you from having really great trusting experiences down the line. Now would you offer the same advice if he had moved on with another woman two years later? Or would you accept the fact that people are not linear and we are a lot more like sand than we are rocks? Listen, I'm not going to tell you how to live your life. I'm going to let you know making this about you, making somebody else's choice to move on and find love elsewhere about you is not only going to be unhealthy for yourself. You're also not going to get the reaction that you want out of this person. If you do choose to go and contact your ex, do so out of love and ask questions out of curiosity, not out of judgment. I think trying to define your failed relationship overall by something that you cannot prove whatsoever is only going to be unhealthy for you and it's going to make the person your ex be very defensive when you do contact them. At the end of the day, if you want any kind of positive outcome, be that closure or answers or even a friendship that goes on from this, running up to a closed door to kick, bang, scream and scratch on it is just not going to be the answer. Don't run up and go and kick a closed door. No, you need to go back a month. I think it's up. No, it's completely. You go back and finish. You're not letting someone shout out here. No, I'm so sick and tired of you. You always try to do whatever you to. Anyhow, to my friends at home, do you guys agree with heart or head? Leave a comment in the comment section or go into the info box and find a handy little poll there where you can just click head or heart. In addition, you can also find information on where to go and what to do. If you have a question you are battling with about sex and love, I would love for the questions to come in, in video form, but of course, as always, written is also dope. We'll see you guys on the next video. All right, let them decide. You guys can help them decide what they're supposed to do. Liking this video, subscribing and sharing are three simple things that you guys can do that make a huge difference in helping me to create more content a lot more frequently. So please do not be shy with the button to booze.