 So we're going to talk about facing the fear of being bold or something like that. We're going to do some great comments. And Scott and I are going to ask him in feminine and also in terms of racial. It's fantastic. So this is going to be one of the great speakers out here as well. So I'm going to go all to pick a brain. That's what I'm going to learn. There's some great metaphysics going on as well. So today we'll talk about relationships. Relationships cannot be no more really effective relationships with people and also the word networking. I don't call that word because I think it's pretty known in the word. And connection is the reason we're here. DNA, the body is in our DNA. And this connection brings us loneliness and feelings that we just don't have anymore. And you know relationships are needed in something that's really important because I'm an extrovert. And a few years ago back in 2012 or July, I had a really difficult situation and all of the friends and family members who didn't have a really bad anxiety and depression because I stepped in and found out that they would end up saving their life. So I realized I have to use relationships. They're not just something that's on in life. It's going to be really serious. It's going to be a good day. That's one of the times in my life I could have been, you know, going through the field or something like that. So it's going to be a good day. It's going to be something that people get a lot out of here. And if you're someone who's going to create a good relationship for you or someone who wants to learn how to look at our relationships they're going to get a lot of information that it's going to help you in either situation. So the number one predictor of success in your life in business and your personal life will be the relationships you make and in that process it's going to be your selection of military process and also your skillsets. I won't be able to see your success. And then in the day, what separates them is not because they're smarter and better at proteins it's the skill that people call skills. It's their ability to relate to other people. It's their ability to communicate and collaborate. It's all conflict. That means a great CEO. That's what makes it great to share on it on our board. There are just a few quotes and I'm not going to go pretty number one but part of this is just really realizing how important communication is. In the next slide over here I love Renee Brown. I highly recommend if you don't know her have not checked her out. She's my number one person in personal development and leadership and I use a lot of what she does with my clients and get amazing results. So she's got three books out and they're all fantastic. So what am I and how am I going to do? So this is an executive coach. I've worked in marketing for a long time and I'm still looking about the work of the library and startups. I got to work with Steve Jobs. We use that app for a while for a year. I got to work with Mark Heumann and it's going to be his purchase by yacht. And then I got to collaborate with him for a few seasons and he wanted me to be a product of her. I got him a lot of great masters of communications from Syracuse University. So I have a great understanding of his work. And her social work has done more than almost 3,000 copies so far than the number one for a business in some of the categories. And I do a lot on the right now, three to 50 media appearances a month and I'm a Fox News contributor and I'm an owner of Syracuse University and I did 15 interviews on Thursday before I came here. Really, like clients have done the great things and I call them network and local relationships including Bill Gates and Richard Branson, Peter D. Monson's, Chris Anderson, the founder of TAG, who owns it right now. My client over the last couple of years, I think I think I've probably last two years and created a billion dollars on the wall and I'm publishing more than that. And they've got a lot of new boards, like on my clients they work with TAG and they'll learn some of the work of X-Prize, X-Prize, Peter D. Monson, it's like the top 50 of all services in the world. So today, you're going to look at four things. One is really the psychology of my relationships with high-level magnetics and your interaction with people about who ran and where to go and what to do. And really, the key types of influence are to keep in mind that you might have on your radar history and really have to work for full years. The key thing about your network and your facilities don't matter to three things in your life. Have self-worth, your network and the value you can provide other people. And in many instances, that's going to amount to social capital, which is going to allow you to do things that you no longer could not do. And rules that you can get into that where you may not have the money or charisma, but because of the social capital you have, you're able to get inside of them. And that's really going to expand significantly the opportunities you have in your life and also the experiences that you're going to get. So here's a pop quiz. I figured we all need a pop quiz on a Saturday. So the number of relationships in your life that you must master and pick which one you believe it is, other people, yourself, other influencers, or your dog. And I have a Jack Russell Terrier, so I love dogs. And the answer, make sure you're thinking about it, is you. And that's something we're going to talk about right now because it's something that a lot of times people talk about relationship building and meeting people. They don't only talk about how your psychology plays on how you interact with people. But at the end of the day, your relationship with yourself will dictate your ability to create great relationships. I have clients of mine that go to the TED conference in Vancouver and it's like the top 1,000 people in the world. It's a very high profile, very difficult conference to go and navigate. And because we do a lot of work beforehand, mainly on themselves and being able to walk in the room and understanding what to do, how to orchestrate things, how to do the little things, and how to add value to other people at every step that they take. They can go in a conference like that and completely master it and meet some amazing people and come out with business deals that they normally couldn't have. And they're a small fish in a big pond, but it doesn't matter because they understand how to equalize the playing field and level themselves up to the top. And the key thing right here is to understand these six areas. And one is your blind spots. Are they going to hold you back in every relationship that you have? I mean, the blind spots are there and you can't see them so you need help from other people. Part of that is their survival patterns for you and it's the way that you've been living your life. But that's going to affect the way you interact with other people. If the blind spot's something that you've learned that people don't want to listen to you and that's your belief system at that point, then when you interact with people, you're going to have challenges building great relationships. You know, the second one is there are several limit problems and Gay Hendricks wrote a great book about this and it's really about self-sabotage and what a lot of people do is they'll have success, but then they'll reach at that point and it's outside of the comfort zone and they really don't believe that they deserve it and they'll find ways to sabotage themselves and they'll actually fall down again. And part of this is in phosphor syndrome and I look at a lot of high-level executives and the problem that they all have, every single one of them is they feel like they're a fraud and they feel like really takes under the covers they're going to find out that they're really not that great of a leader. They have all these flaws and so it's something you really need to monitor and again Gay Hendricks has got a great book called The Big Leap to look into that. The next one is really stories and stories are how we see the world around us and 90% of the stories that we create are all made up and that's pretty much research, only 10% fact-based and that really causes a lot of challenges and an example I give all the time is if you're in a room and someone asked a question will be during a group and you answer it back and the person across the table rolls their eyes, the first thing you think is that person didn't like me, didn't like what I said or there's something about me that really irritates them. Well all we know is that they looked across the table and rolled their eyes. Perhaps they got a text message about something perhaps they're having a rough day but we jump to these conclusions and use skeletal feedback because we need to make a certain deal of the world around us and we need to come up with quick stories to make meaning out of it so these stories can really hold you back and know the external stories about the world we have around us and women in beliefs number four is something that really hurts us and two women in belief areas are who do I think I am and I am not enough and those two tapes run in most people's heads taking steps forward and whatever it is that's holding you back and whatever it is that you need to do to get outside of your comfort zone and number five something that's really interesting I've done this several hundred times and I do this with every client under the age of 10 we learn modern accept behaviors and I've yet to find one person whose number one blind spot has not come from under the age of 10 and it's pretty significant on the things that happen around people last year who she was in a live garden very successful sales person and we were talking through about the challenges she was having and we got down and she said to me she hates getting on a telephone and when I worked down with her I found out she was having shame when she got on the telephone all the time because her parents had made fun of her voice in college every time they were on the phone and they said to her well I'm never going to find a man and all these other things and it permeated her life so now in the mid 30's whenever she picked up the phone there's a lot of stress and even though she was successful she had to constantly force her way through this so an easy tweak was just I had her tell every prospect and every client the reason she got on the sales was just to get over this and instantaneously everything got a lot better in her life I was the enemy and I loved the book and the reason ego will get in your way is when you climb up the mountain you're having all these people help you along the way but what happens to people at top is they start to believe it was really them all along and they start to not be humble and grateful to the people around them and then they alienate people and that's when they make a tumbling down so gratitude and humility is the key components on your psychology side to keep in your head all the time I do a gratitude list every day I wake up of three things that I'm grateful for and everyone can do that it will really make a big difference in what you're doing in your life so the next major rule that people forget is that relationship building skills are one of the behaviors no one here was born on day one and was a master at relationships I'm sorry mom may be great when she gave you birth but she didn't give you those skills when you just popped out there are things that you love over time and so these skills are like working out you have to practice them and what happens is most people don't and sure if you come from a background it's more social a lot more communication as a kid it does impact you but I found very little evidence that it is a determining factor in what people do and it doesn't matter whether you're an introvert you can still build great relationships with people it's a little bit different but you can still do it quite well the next thing I want to talk about is I think people really don't understand this and this is really central every time you interact with people because the key thing is you have to create an entry with people in order for them to follow up with you or want to be your advocate or help you along the way and the first part is your core and there's two parts of your core you want to find common ground with people and part of it is nonverbal things like NLP, body language Amy Cuddy out of Harvard got a great book on this that can be a really helpful part of this the second part of it is you need to find common ground in conversations with people and often what happens is we all have these conversations with people that we feel like we've known that person for our entire lives but we can't recreate that with other people on a consistent basis and the reason is you're not asking the right questions and so what I've done is figured out okay well how do you connect someone emotionally because emotions are what's driving the car in people's life and behavior and cognition are in the back seat and most people get those mixed up and that's the reason why you can't create instant connection with people there are two questions to ask that I've never been asked and every time I ask them they go magnificent and it's how I built a lot of great relationships with people in like under five minutes it's what's exciting that's going on in your life right now and number two is what are you passionate about what projects are you working on and that's really important because you're getting to what people actually care about most people ask people where are you from what do you do for a living all these buoyant energy questions well of course they keep telling you about they've had thousands of interactions with other people that have sucked and in their mind they say well it's just going to be another one so I tune you out and I'm thinking about other things and then the whole interaction starts to go wheels off at that point so the key thing is ask the right questions so the second thing is likeability because people have to like well the key thing about people liking you is actually listening that's the number one skill set so actually just be present quiet your mind and don't worry about people that are 10 feet away from you because you can't do anything with them don't worry about what you can do the next day because non-verbal communication is over 90% of communication so what happens is you're telling people when you're doing those things I don't care about you or I don't care about what you have to say just tune you out and the relationship is done and you pretty much will sink that opportunity the third thing is building trust and that's an actual really critical part and Charles Stultman wrote a great book called The Thin Line of Trust that I love and the most important character quality of building trust is caring about other people because when you care about other people you won't attract them and they will overlook a lot of different things in your life and how you do that really effectively and I do this all the time I'll ask people what help do you need or when I'm asking people what's exciting in their life going on I can ask that question and help them on the thing that matters most to them because when you leave with giving psychologically you put yourself in that person's inner circle because the only people that they have that actually will give without asking for anything in return are people's best friends, business partners, family members so even though you're an acquaintance you put yourself in that inner circle psychologically and that actually puts you in a great place to then treat intrigues so that person wants to follow up with you and they'll actually start treating you like people in your inner circle along the way now I want to talk about four ways you can really supercharge your influence the first one is goals the second one is to talk about organizations events and then following up and the first thing is you got to know where your goal is it's social life, sales, starting a business because you got to go out and figure out what it is that you need help with and why it is that you're doing it otherwise you won't get motivated to do this on a consistent basis the next thing is really important and it's something that people really fail to understand and it's how you know I figured out four years ago that I had 15,000 people in the city of Dallas I knew and in my Rolodex of people it was like 30,000 people and the reason is is because of the power of groups and the thing about Rolodex is the easiest way to build your network is coming to events like this and going to other places which I'll mention because you'll see people again you'll be able to tap their networks and from there you're going to be able to see them again because they're going to consistently be doing the same things you're doing so it makes it a lot easier to stay in touch without the least amount of work other people it takes a lot more effort to do and you got to think of like Johnny Anthony sort of a hokey picture and the seeds that you'll plant will actually sprout and I'm the guy who is a marketing person who is nothing and everybody was charging two years ago $500 a month for his coaching and I looked yesterday and I talked to him charging $10,000 a month and it's just made a couple million dollars this year in revenue and it's pretty amazing so the places to go are charities and nonprofits are the best places to go because that's where social influencers and wealthy people go and the great thing about it is is that everyone goes there in the spirit of giving which is really helpful also people there go with their defenses down because they're there to meet people so that's like the number one place and I met so many fantastic people there and through opportunities and nonprofits I talk about are museums symphony opera fantastic places to go chambers of commerce can be depending on a place you know places like junior league for women that actually can be really influential things that you do are important and it's pretty easy to find people because you're doing something that you like to do and they do too when you attend events you need to do a couple things you know you need to connect with people give value, create intrigue and then end of the day try to drive them somewhere else and driving them somewhere else is easy because you can talk about events or things that you're doing and get people to go where you're going and that's a key part of this puzzle there's a confidence conundrum we don't feel like we have good great social skills because we don't practice it so the key thing is you gotta get out there and practice these things because you'll never get good at it and then you'll never have enough confidence when you walk out of a room and it doesn't matter whether introvert or extrovert I know a lot of introverts that can work a room better than any extrovert can do so it's really that's an excuse and a social anxiety tip if you're like well it's really hard for me I told people go volunteer to work and ask the work the first slot in the checking desk that way when people come in you have a reason to speak to them and you meet them so then when you go out afterwards in the audience with the rest of the people that you're writing met some people because they come up and spoke to you and it makes it a lot easier for people who have a lot of challenges and the number one actor is introducing people to other people and I absolutely love this and it's really easy to do two volunteers so who wants the volunteer I'm going to show you guys how to do it very easily and you'll even get to know the person standing so let's pretend there's a bar or a ocean here not just a coffee or whatever you're thinking about so I'm standing here and I'm standing at the bar and I'm going to go over to you and be like awesome hey we're standing right here Joe nice to meet you see that's my point you can just start doing that you can even know some of the things and they'll introduce themselves and they do this all the time and it works super effectively and then what happens when they're getting going you can feel the energy people around you are just standing and then you can either hide it and say hey what's going on and you'll never turn down because in the back of your mind you're like that person being on the box you might ask and you might say oh I only need five or ten of your friends but they'll never know so it's fantastic so for volunteering you're going to get a gift card and this gift card this weekend you're going to have to go buy all your table drinks so you get to pick either one or two which part are you going to get pick a number and you get the big one so you get to buy a couple of drinks and have fun thanks when you're talking about acting now and the key thing is giving when you're talking about people making a lot of money the number one thing they have is getting taken advantage of so how do you do this with your gift so if someone has a concern about money that's the only thing you can give you can introduce them to someone you can give them a quote that you might like you could don't buy a magazine or if you just follow up with them and cheer someone up and that's a lot of value for people and you rarely do that with other people especially if you don't ask for anything in return they can improve that so the key to following up is do it quickly don't let it weigh it because if you do what happens the key people to target in a relationship building are really people with significant reach and how you start doing that is just by adding value and that's the key and there's a lot of ways to do that but you need to go find those people and you can find them online and not even know them and it works really well and it doesn't matter how big they are people normally don't get people to help them you can actually review their products you can give them a video testimonial things like that almost no one does that it'll open a lot of doors what I've talked about is so important to find mentors and coaches and people can help you because everyone's done what you want to do there's no need to reinvent the wheel you get there a lot faster by doing that I get a lot of events, a lot of conferences I pay a lot of money for coaching because why do I want to reinvent what other people have done I can get there a lot faster by learning from people that have been successful so really a great distraction plan is do your inner work create a list of goals find your value and seek out people with significant reach so you, I know Justin's going to have in your bags a free copy of my book and audio book and that's right for my Dropbox so there's nothing that you need to do sign up or anything and it's the same one on Amazon and there's an older PDF I put in there in case people don't have a Kindle or don't like to listen to an audio book and they're on my website and it should be launched tomorrow eventually it's not so my soft launch will be tomorrow so hold on to your coattails and take a look at that so I know I raised through a lot of information if you want to copy the slides happy to give it to you you can ask me any questions after this but I'll take up one or two questions right now if anyone has them so a lot of us are probably younger at our careers what would be a year I mean one lesson learned because it was advice how do we provide that and see how that went well the key thing is find people that you want to mentor you and then tell them why you want that help and then schedule regular intervals where you can connect with them and then update them on what you're doing the key thing is most people mentor people the other people won't do the work and so the key thing is doing that also ask them what do they need help on because perhaps there are things you can help them on creative and innovative or on the web and a lot of people will mentor and coach you if you actually ask in fact a couple people I have I've been successful at doing it and I didn't even imagine formula I just went in and looked up online and asked people how do you find mentors and coaches and I got a couple things and I just did it and it worked and I'd say you know make a list of 5-10 people try it I bet you'll get one or two they'll say yes and they'll surprise you and they'll tell you about HubSpot literally a lot of people look at their expertise and choose that for 15,000 young professional why choose to do it she's fantastic she's got a lot to learn about it and we all should be involved in a conversation and I think one thing you can do in a conversation is just lead and share people a little bit about who you are and a super quick story about cancer charity a few months ago I met a woman in line she asked me why I came but I said well because my mom had leukemia and we saved at Sloan Kettering in New York getting some experimental drugs and she went on to talk about her sister having breast cancer and for like 5 minutes she ended up like crying and I'm sitting in front of 300 people and oh my gosh there's a woman crying people are going to think I got her upset but she gave me a hug and introduced me to all of her friends but the only way that conversation would have started is to share your life a whole story but if you leave it a little bit it allows other people to share with you because in the back of their head they're thinking if you share with me then it has to be safe for me to share with you thanks a lot for having me in front of you