 Hello everyone. Welcome to another Narc Survival Live video. Today I'm in the car as you can see and I'm going to be talking about when the narcissist gets a dose of reality. Because narcissism is characterized by denial. If there was no denial they would not be a narcissist anymore. The disorder is characterized by denial. By them denying their wrongdoing, their faults, their mistakes, denying that their false self and the illusion is not real. So it all comes back to denial and that is why this video is so powerful. Because in this one we're not just talking about denial. We're talking about when the narcissist gets a dose of reality which is the state as things actually exist. Which means you as you actually exist and them as they actually exist and their faults are wrongdoings along with your endless efforts, your attempts to please them and to make them happy. So that's what we're going to be getting into in this video. Before I begin please hit that thumbs up button down below. It helps the YouTube algorithm to get this message out there to other survivors as well. So very important please hit the thumbs up button down below. Now let's get into it when the narcissist gets a dose of reality. It may seem like there is no reaching them as though no matter what you say, no matter what you do, it just never seems to get through to where they actually understand. To where they see where you're coming from and we may mistake that for the fact that they lack empathy. Which yes that is true but despite that they do have some ability to read into our feelings, our experience, our situation. They just can't feel our feelings as if they were their own. They can't fully put themselves in our shoes but they most definitely can read into our emotions. They most definitely can do that and that is how they have the ability to push our buttons and wind us up, to irritate us, to upset us. So yeah there is a time when you or another person confronts them and you may have done this already or you may be planning to do it. If you are planning to do it please do be very careful as you never know how they might react. Well one thing I can pretty much guarantee of how they will react is that if you look very carefully, especially if you look into their eyes, when you confront them, when you give them a dose of reality, you will see it. You will see it in their eyes but for that split second yes they understand. They know exactly what you're talking about. They know exactly who they are and what they've done wrong. They know how bad, how evil, how crazy they are and they know that you are just innocently trying to please them all of that time. Yes there is this window for this split second where they understand where they get it before the denial comes like the grasp of a hand snatches reality away and then they're left again back in the fog of their own delusion. But yeah there is that moment. There is that short amount of time where they do realize, where they get it, they understand, where they do actually get a dose of reality. It's incredible because of course as we know they are very detached from reality. They're always in denial that's why we have to get on here to these communities. It's the only place we could discuss it. Of course we can't talk to them. I mean there is that split second window where they understand but that's not enough time and then after that it causes a narcissistic injury. They rage, they shout at us so that's no good. It doesn't solve anything but it will reveal to you that yes at some level in the back of their minds in their subconscious they do understand. They know that it's them and not you. Even if there is a smear campaign and they have all of their enablers and flying monkeys and they're all collectively in denial to where they've scapegoated you. They all see you as the problem and they're perfect. They can't do anything wrong no matter what they do to you. Even then if you confront the narcissist you will see it in their eyes. You will see it on their face. That yes they do know and that is why when you confront them or whenever they are left to confront their own shame. When they're left to reflect on it just notice how they react. They get very angry and then they've got to abuse you again. This is why the abuse never stops. This is why it keeps going on and on to where it seems like there's no end. It's because there is this shame, rage, abuse cycle. So they feel the shame causes a narcissistic injury and then they rage, they deflect, they abuse and then because of that they feel even more shame and then they've got to abuse you again and it just keeps going on and on. It's this vicious cycle that never ends to where yes well most of the time they are in denial. Every time they get that dose of reality it hurts them. It's like kryptonite like sunlight to a vampire. It blinds them and then of course they've got to lash out at you. They've got to attack you. So you see yes they do get a dose of reality. They're always trying to distract themselves from it. They're constantly engaged in escapism. They have all of these addictions. This is why you see they're always smoking tobacco, drinking alcohol or doing recreational drugs. Maybe they're excessively shopping or gambling. It's all to distract them from reality because in reality they feel like they are bad people and if you look at all of the things that they have done I think most of us would agree they are bad, they are evil but they keep doing it and they never stop because it's that shame rage abuse cycle. If there was no shame for the narcissist if we could just take the shame away. Like let's say I've got a magic wand I can just cast a spell and your narcissist expels the shame out of them. As soon as you do that now they are no longer in denial. Why do they need to be in denial if there's no shame? What perpetuates their denial is the shame. It's too painful for them to deal with. That's why they're in denial. So take away the shame and there is no longer any denial. Now the narcissist has suddenly come back to reality which means they're not a narcissist anymore. Because what is narcissism? It is an adaptation to a hostile environment in childhood. A post-traumatic stress response to where they felt a lot of shame in their childhood as a result of abuse or neglect where they felt like they're not enough or maybe they were spoiled but even then spoiling a child that is abuse too. Especially if there's this predominant focus on their achievements or what they can do rather than who they actually are as a person. And on top of that since then as a result of their shame they have been abusing people in relationships, mentally, emotionally, physically, psychologically, maybe even sexually as well and as a result of that it just keeps on building up the shame after every relationship that they get into and all of the things that they do to people. This is why they're so bitter, angry, hateful, envious and jealous because they've got so much shame from all of the things that they have done to people and that is what makes them so abusive. Again here's another one, take the shame away from an abusive person. That person will no longer abuse. They abuse as a result of their shame. Now of course that doesn't mean that everyone who feels shame abuses. This is more narcissistic people because they do not reflect on their shame. There's only a brief window where they do and that causes an injury and they want to deflect it. They want to push it onto someone else. They've got to hurt someone. I mean I myself, as you should probably know by now, I am not a narcissist. So of course there are many times where I feel shame. I reflect on it. I confront it. I breathe deeply. I deal with it on my own. I haven't got to put it onto someone else so I can deal with that on my own. It's not too painful for me. I'm not gonna say it's not painful at all and of course shame isn't a nice feeling. I can deal with it and yeah for that reason there's no reason for me to abuse anyone when I feel shame. As for narcissistic people their shame is too painful for them to deal with. They're just very weak people and I've said that before. That's really what it is and that is why they are very abusive. It comes back to this shame, rage, abuse cycle. Take away the shame. There's no more narcissist. There's no more abuse. As I've said before they are shame-based people who are doing everything they can to avoid reflecting on their shame. So as crazy as it sounds this is actually how it is. Even when they engage in the most shameful behavior. The most embarrassing things you could ever imagine. The craziest stupid stuff that they say or do. Yes even when they're doing that things that you'd think they would be ashamed of. That is actually a way for them to deflect the shame that they feel. That is why they will often try to humiliate you especially in public because it's another way for them to pass off their shame onto you. So that's all it really is. It's really just shame. That's what keeps them having to abuse people. But not only that it's because they're too weak. It's too painful for them to deal with. If there was a way to make a narcissist mentally and emotionally strong. To where even if they still have all the shame. As long as they can deal with it there's no reason for them to abuse. So you see when they get a dose of reality. When you or someone else confronts them or just something happens in the environment. Where they're triggered to reflect on their shame. What happens is then it causes a narcissistic injury because it's too painful for them to deal with. And they see their feelings as fact. So if they feel hurt if they feel shame. That means you must have hurt or wronged them. I know they've got to get revenge. They've got to punish you for how they feel. Instead of just them confronting it and dealing with it on their own. Because remember they're in denial because reality is too painful for them to deal with. Yeah. They get a dose of reality in that split-setting window. When they get confronted by people or by certain situations or events. But they just cannot deal with reality. And many of you are being gaslighted to the point where reality has been turned upside down for you. So maybe it's time for you to get a dose of reality as well. So here it is. A dose of reality for you. And that is that you are a wonderful empathic person who is always there for the narcissist. You were loyal and devoted. You were at their beck and call. You did everything you possibly could to try to please this unpleasable person. But nothing you did was ever good enough. They had you running endlessly on his hamster wheel. Getting nowhere. And yeah, they were just always miserable. They did all of these things to you. They wronged you in so many ways. And yet they could never reflect on that fact. They could never take accountability. They could never accept it. They never wanted to deal with the consequences of their actions because they just couldn't deal with the shame. It was too painful for them. So that's a little dose of reality for you. Those of you who have been gaslit all of this time. Someone has to get on your to say this. To just remind you how great you are. Because yeah, I know just how great you are if you were targeted, manipulated by a narcissist. I mean, they're not going to manipulate someone who's no good. Someone who doesn't have any source of power or any ability to supply them with what they want, what they need. So yeah, you are a wonderful person who was manipulated, used and abused by a selfish, self-absorbed person who lacked empathy for you and viewed you as an object that existed to meet their needs. That's a dose of reality for you. But they are just so in denial. I mean, can you imagine if they have ever had to accept for a longer period of time, all of the things that they've done to you? I mean, just think on a typical day, the things that they do to you, all the times that they manipulate, deceive and abuse you, all the times that they insult you and put you down, and then all of the times that you try to make things right for them. You fall and you placate them. You try to pacify them. You do everything you possibly can to try to please them to try to make them happy. And just imagine if they had to reflect on that for a longer period of time. Everything you try to do just to try to make them happy. And yet everything they did, that was abusive and harmful to you. After all of that time, imagine if one day they just woke up out of that denial. And then reality just hit them like a ton of bricks. They wouldn't know what to do. I would assume that they would go completely insane. They would be hysterical. They may even become suicidal, because they have done a lot of things to you and I, a lot of hurtful damaging things. And we have done a lot of things to try to please them, but nothing we ever did was good enough. The only way they can protect themselves from the shame and from feeling like they're these horrible evil people as they actually are. The only way for them to do that is to live in denial constantly all day, every day. That's the only way that they can do it because they just don't want to accept it. It is far too painful for them to deal with. Just think of what it's like. I mean, we go through this all the time every day as victims, survivors. Just think about a typical time where they insulted you, they put you down. They humiliated you in public. Remember how that felt, the shame. You're self-loathed. Maybe you hung your head low and you felt bad about yourself. Remember that? I know it's something we've all experienced so many times. Just remember that feeling for a moment. Feel that shame right now with me and I just imagine if you didn't have the emotional strength to even deal with it, then it would feel a hundred times worse and that is how it feels for them and that is why when they do get a dose of regality when you or someone else confronts them or they're confronted by a situation or event, whatever it may be, when that happens, they've just got to push it away. They've got to deflect it. They've got to hold someone else responsible. They've got to see their feelings as facts and feel as though you have hurt them because they feel hurt from reflecting on their shame and then because of that now that's their reason, their excuse, their justification to abuse you even more and that's where it follows this endless shame, rage, abuse, cycle to where it never ends. It never ends because their denial never ends. They never come back to regality for a long period of time. They're constantly in this delusion where they can't do anything wrong and everything is your fault. You're on top lane for everything because that's the only way that they can even survive emotionally. Otherwise they wouldn't know what to do. They would probably go completely over the gauge insane or become suicidal or they may even kill someone who knows. I mean there's just no telling what they might do if they were forced to reflect on their shame for a long period of time with no other means, no other vessel to carry their shame. If it was just left all to them they wouldn't be able to cope with reality as it actually is. They've got to have this fantasy world in their heads with their false self and the illusion. Well they can just point the finger at you and blame you for everything. They've always got to have escaped goats because it is the escape goat that protects and defends them from reality. That's what allows them to continue to exist in their fantasy world. So yeah that's it. That's what happens when they do get a dose of reality. It's never for a longer period of time though. They're just too weak. Honestly that's what it comes down to. They're too weak to deal with their shame. As I said no shame means no denial. Narcissism is characterised by denial so no denial means no narcissism. No disorder. It's all because they're too weak to deal with their own feelings of shame and that is why they are shame-based people who are doing everything they can to avoid reflecting on their shame. So easy for me and you. I mean maybe not always easy but compared to them we do have the emotional strength to deal with our shame and that is how they're able to project and deflect on to us on many occasions on a daily basis and you don't see us going insane. You don't see us having to deflect on to someone else, blame someone else for everything, escape goat them. We don't have to live in a delusion in an alternate reality where we're perfect we can't do anything wrong and it's all someone else's fault. We don't have to do that because we do have an emotional strength. We're not weak and inadequate like they are. So yeah that's it that's what happens when Narcissism gets a dose of reality. That's all I've got to say for this video. 30 minutes I know it is a very deep one but a lot of key points in this for you to reflect on you may want to watch this back at least one more time to fully grasp and comprehend this psychological concept of why narcissists are the way that they are and why they don't change why they don't grow or develop or be better. So yeah I hope this video was helpful for you and if it was as always you can show your support down below by giving it a thumbs up. Very important as it will help to get this message out there to other survivors as well. Let me know your thoughts about this video down in the comment section below. I am reading your comments every day and hit that subscribe button and click all notifications so that you will be notified when I upload a video and if you would like to book a one-on-one coaching session with me you can do that on my website it's narcisfiver.co.uk also follow me on instagram it's narcisfiver youtube all right that's it for this video thank you all for watching there will be a video premiere beginning in about three hours so hopefully you can join us there thank you all for joining me on another Narc Survival Live video and as always I look forward to talking with you in another one very soon