 I don't know about you guys, but one of the most infuriating parts of watching anime is listening to the villain describe in excruciating detail how they've manipulated the entire story and everyone in it from day one. It's definitely one of those kick yourself in the butt moments when all the red flags are laid out in front of you. Unfortunately, this doesn't only happen in the fictional world. Manipulation happens in real life too. If you've ever been manipulated, you can verify it 10 out of 10 would not recommend. So let's take a look at four signs you can look out for that may mean you're being controlled by others. Let me stay out of your way. There are a lot of professions out there that almost require you to be a human lie detector. Arizona State University professor Dean H. Hepworth did a study in 1993 regarding social workers and the manipulation tactics they come across in the field. He found that one common tell of a manipulator is actively avoiding assisting the social worker in their investigation. Let's say the social worker goes to a home for an inspection and it's not the cleanest home. The home owner might try to deter the social worker away from the dirty dishes in the sink by showing them their classic movie collection or stop them from going into the kids rooms by offering them some lunch. They'll do everything in their power to stall or stop the process as a way of manipulating the situation. If you remember dog, the bounty hunter, we saw this a lot when someone was hiding a fugitive and trying to convince dog they weren't inside while trying to block the door. When you're in a situation where people are typically cooperative, having someone purposefully slowing you down can be a sign of manipulation. By the book, please, it's Leviosa, not Leviosa. I think we all know who broke down those syllables. Hermione Granger is one of our favorite straight edge characters. She studies, is on time for class, and follows the rules. However, even Hermione knows that you need to break the rules every now and then, like when she socks Draco in the jaw. Hermione is someone who truly enjoys doing things the proper way, but there's another side to this lifestyle. In her video, Why Some Narcissists Feel the Need to Control Everything, licensed psychologist and YouTube psychologist Dr. Ramani explains that some people who live a by-the-book lifestyle do so as a way of controlling others around them. Let's say your partner is someone who works out every morning at 7.30 am, and then has their breakfast. If you interrupt them to ask a question, someone who enjoys a set routine might be a bit annoyed, but answers the question. Someone who uses rules and structure as a manipulation tactic might lash out at you for interrupting their time. They might even demean you by saying you're dumb, selfish, or inconsiderate for interrupting them. Overreaction is a way of deterring you from interrupting their workout in the future. Dr. Ramani goes on to say that someone who likes things in order, tidy, or a specific way isn't automatically manipulative. It's the way the rules are used that make it manipulation. Just look at the bright side. We've all had a day that is just absolutely crap and makes us feel like the world is out to get us. It happens. Sometimes we need to feel those negative emotions and work through them. One of the worst things someone can tell you during that down-in-the-dumps phase is, well, of course things aren't working out, you're so negative. You need to be positive and positive things will happen. This can be a manipulation tactic. In Dr. Ramani's video, when narcissists use positivity to control you, she breaks down how toxic positivity can be used to manipulate someone's actions. She explains that someone who uses toxic positivity might be someone who sees the world as sunny and bright and the cup always full. If you have the audacity to have a bad day in their presence, you need to fix it. These people feel that they set the tone so everyone else needs to match it. One example Dr. Ramani gives is a narcissistic parent who throws a party for a holiday. This party is a way for the narcissist to restock on some dopamine and praise from hosting the party. But if you are so inconsiderate as to be a dark cloud on their day, that narcissist might guilt you into acting how they want by saying things like, It's a special day. Can't you just act happy for me? You're so selfish. Now you find yourself having to psych yourself up to put on an Oscar-winning performance of happy party guests. It's all just another manipulation tactic to act how the manipulator would like in the eye of the beholder. In How I Met Your Mother, there's an episode where Lily is retelling the story of how she met her husband Marshall to her best friend Robin. After they met, Marshall snuck into Lily's dorm room with a ukulele to sing her a song to ask her out. Robin points out that it's a good thing that Lily liked him back. If she didn't, it might have been really creepy to have some random guy break into her dorm room to sing a song. In her video, Control vs. Love, Dr. Ramani explains that there is a very fine line between love and control, and usually you are that fine line. If your partner texts you a good morning or good night text every single day, some might find that to be really sweet. You're the first and last thing on their mind. Cute. However, there are some that feel a bit suffocated by daily texts and the pressure to respond to them. That daily text can feel like manipulation to the people who don't like it even though it wasn't meant to be manipulation. Now, let's say your partner sends you that good morning text, but you had a meeting earlier than usual, which made you not able to respond. When you get back to your phone, you have three missed calls, six texts, and a voicemail. I think that's manipulation bingo for those of you playing at home. That intense reaction is what is meant to manipulate you into reciprocating the romantic action next time. If you ever feel like you're being manipulated by a partner, please reach out to a mental health professional as soon as possible. Look, we want to see the good in people. Psychology professor Art Markman, PhD, even said so in one of his Psychology Today articles. This might be why it can be so shocking and maddening when we realize we're being manipulated. Hopefully, these signs can help give you an idea of what to pay attention to. Are there any signs that we didn't mention? Let us know in the comments and we'll make a part two. As always, keep an eye on Psy for more Psych2Go content. Until next time.