 Hey, hey, Tony Gaskin here. Thank you so much for joining me on another episode of talks with Tony Got a question from a young lady. It happens to be another patron So I guess when I sent this notice out to my patrons, you all wrote right away It says good day, Tony. God's blessing and favor always. Hey, thank you so much for that How can I heal and stop judging myself for being so naive? Saw all the red flags but didn't act on it or study my gut feeling It's really funny But before I made the decision, I heard one of your teachings about love play over in my mind You won't have to question if it's love or not. You'll know but I shrugged it off My last relationship was the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak We had been friends for over 12 years Live on two different islands spoke occasionally because we didn't want to disrespect ourselves and partners And we both have different religious beliefs. I was a Christian and he's a Muslim I was under the impression that he was single and I was single for one year working on me Following your teachings, we got married because of his religion and I didn't want to do anything unlawful I accepted his faith his faith and then the mass came off Don't even know if that was friendship or a fake ship lol But we were four months in then he told me he had a second wife or Should I say a first wife who is very much aware of me, but I'm not aware of her I broke down crying because I don't think I will ever ever ever be able to trust a man in life Period from this experience. How does one heal from such lies and deceitful behavior? Hmm Well, I'll tell you this. Okay lies Okay deceitful behavior. We have that Judging yourself feeling guilty, but here's the thing. Here's the thing. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm I'm gonna have to write a book on something in this space one day But you're ignoring The red flags listen to me if you are out here dating and You are ignoring the red flags Listen to me stop Stop, you know, sometimes when I'm driving and we're on like a four-hour drive or something I got my wife and my kids with me and I'm getting sleepy. I tell my wife. I said babe slap me and Oh, she takes great joy. She takes great joy in that and she literally was just She'll slap me and it hurts, you know And I'll say slap me again and it hurt me now and she'll wow She'll slap me again and and sometimes it's like in the back of my head or something Or I'll say pinch me and I said, okay harder pinch me harder because you know them slaps It gets my blood flowing it get my face stinging or my head stinging. It's my blood flowing. It wakes me up You might literally have to sit here and just Look at these red flags and you might have to read it out loud Different religion wow slap yourself so it etched in your mind different religion Slap yourself. That's a red flag. Some people say it's not some people. Oh, I know somebody You know, they're this and they're this and they're in this relationship and they are absolutely perfect But one you don't know nothing because you're not behind closed doors with them to if you're in that relationship Let's be honest That you may be carrying the title, but you're not living it out. You're not being somebody's not being true to their core beliefs That's why it's a different religion if you believe the exact same way it would be the same religion It wouldn't be called a different religion. And so when you look at Muslim and Christian, let's just speak to your situation Muslim believe Jesus was a good man Muslim believe Jesus was a good man. They do not believe he's the son of God Christian the entire Christian belief hinges on The fact that Jesus is the only begotten son of God who came and gave his life So that you may have everlasting life So the crux, you know, I don't know if I'm using that word, right? Let's say the foundation the rock of Christianity is the belief that Jesus is the way the truth and the life that no one Gets to the father but through him So how can you be with a Muslim who yes, you may not have nothing against them? Yes, you may love your brother your sister. Yes, you may love them as a person But when it comes to the foundation of belief if they don't believe the same Then you're on two different paths. Your trajectory is different, you know, what your afterlife is different You know, your belief system is different and maybe that's why some people are against religion. Oh, that's the problem It divides us it divides us, but hey If you've made a personal choice to believe what you believe and they've made a personal choice to believe what they believe Then hey so be it so That was one of the red flags You said we have been friends over 12 years That's another red flag. I talked about that not long ago in a video If y'all have been friends and y'all knew each other, but y'all didn't see fit to be together But instead both of y'all went and got in another relationship, but y'all knew of each other. You're not meant to be Because if y'all were meant to be y'all would have been together instead of going and being with someone else live on two different islands I'm guessing you're talking maybe it's like different islands in the Bahamas or maybe something like Trinidad and Tobago. I'm not sure But spoke on occasion But spoke occasionally because we didn't want to disrespect ourselves and partners. So He was off limits Because you have a partner he has a partner And then come to find out you were single for a year working on you and you was under depression that he was single Because he's just living that life you get together you get married based on his religion, which is a Muslim religion you didn't want to do anything unlawful because as a Christian You know if you're gonna be having sex if it's outside of marriage then it's fornication So you got married so that you wouldn't be in sin But in his belief system he can have multiple wives He felt no issues with it. And so he has a wife and he married you you found out It all comes back to Ignoring the red flags So when you say, how do I heal you heal by getting more knowledge? By getting the knowledge and you heard the knowledge you heard it and you ignored it You said but I shrugged it off and you shrugged it off because of desperation Because of loneliness. So that's what I call this ignorance ignorance is bliss Because ignorance is bliss until the consequences hit Ignorance is bliss until the consequences hit It is no longer blissful when you get punched in the mouth with a cold harsh reality of The truth of your decisions. So understand that be very aware of that. And this is how you heal You cut off all ties you say four months in and he told you he has a second wife Or should I say first wife who is very much aware of me, but I'm not aware of her So you're you weren't aware of her. He says she's aware of you Do you know that she's aware of you have you spoke to her has she called you has she told you? Yes, I'm his wife. I understand you're his wife, and I'm okay with it because that is a part of our religion If I believe that's very pertinent information and you would have stated that if that was the truth So she may not even know about you He may be lying to both of you and now he's telling you to see if you'll be okay with it to see if he has You up the creek without a paddle a lot of men, especially grown boys and myself included have tried to get women up The creek without a paddle break the paddle over our leg now You got a sink or swim or you got it, you know stay in the boat with us You either go where we're going and we don't know what we're going so we lead you to destruction anyways or You hop out and drown in the high waters. I Tried to do that to my wife Get up the creek without a paddle get her married and then go back to being a street dude Living this illegal lifestyle doing what I want to do and she walked out She's two months in the marriage. She said I'm gone. I'm out of here. I'll be sink I'll be a single mother I would even though we just got married I'll file for divorce and I'll be a single mother if you want to go back To being the man that you were Before I met you or when I met you and you vowed to change if you want to go back to being that man I'm out of here She showed me that I could not drown her because she taught herself how to swim If you come to my seminar before maybe you've heard me say that so you got to show him You know how to swim that he does not have you trapped that you are not up the creek without a paddle and that you are out of there You are out of there. You from an island. I don't know what island But I know if you from my island, you know about you saying both and that's what you got to show him That you you saying both track shoes put on old track shoes and come out those blocks and set a record time for how fast a woman could get away from a man and Chalk it up and and slap yourself three times and I don't do any more to yourself You know don't don't don't cut yourself or anything like that But just take the hand, you know take that hand and you need to spit on it get your luck Get your little spit on it. I want you to just get you a good good slap I mean you need the cup that palm need to hit right there and just get it in your head You know, sometimes we got to feel it to heal it We got to feel it to heal it You got to get this and I'm speaking metaphorically, but I'm also kind of speaking literally if you need to but you need to feel This here lesson you need to get this lesson in you. And so if you don't want to feel it physically like that Sign up for coaching Sign up for coaching. You know what because that's 150 dollars an hour. You do four sessions That's six hundred dollars your pocket gonna feel it and you gonna say, you know what who I ain't got this I ain't I don't have this kind of money to be spending. I'm not gonna do anything else stupid again You got to feel this some kind of way. It may be feeling it through a season of loneliness to where you're hurting You lonely you want to date you won't love you want this But you got to sit in your mess until this lesson sinks in that says never Ignore the signs Never ever again see a red flag and ignore it or not address it Hey, this Tony Gaskins. Thank you so much for sending in your message. If you have a question Please send it in to inbox at Tony gaskins.com. This is also on my podcast So if you don't oftentimes get to YouTube to see the video you can download the podcast Tony Gaskins show if you're listening on the podcast and you want to see the video you can go to my YouTube click subscribe And you can watch this in video, but thank you so much for submitting your questions Thank you for watching or listening. We will talk soon