 Welcome back to the 21 convention 2019 of Orlando, Florida Our next speaker is a two-time returning speaker to the convention. This being his third speech at the 21 conventions in 2018 He's also a writer personal trainer author and public speaker And he is the man of spheres number one Chad Jesus and number one ballet dancer without further ado Please let me welcome the stage Alexander J Cortez Thanks, sir How we doing gentlemen very good. All right, so some of you are Repeat attendees and you guys know I have a favoritism towards mythology and Archetypes in regards to trying to dissect sort of the meaning of things The subject of today's talk. I'm going to launch right into this Ferocity fitness and femininity. What does it mean to be strong? So for context Why did I want to talk about this? I've spent the last roughly about 10 going on 11 years as a personal trainer and I've seen in the fitness industry I've seen society at large the question of strength come up again and again as a question of how do I become a person that has this capability for a lot of times From of this very basic masculine perspective. We associate strength with just being able to like lift weights so if you can lift off weight if you can Bench three plates if you can squat dead lift 400 500 that means you're strong You must be strong what I saw with that over the years though is that I met very very strong people Conventionally who are power lifters who are strength athletes, but they're also were very broken men They're very broken human beings and their strength even though they could express it in one area of their life They didn't have it within all the others So rather than think of strength as this being a singular physical quality I thought it was more of a transcendent quality as to how does it actually translate across the entire breath of a man's experience and That said how does being strong contrast men from women since that is the most probably powerful differentiation So this is a artistic representation of Hercules Most of you are probably somewhat familiar with Hercules or Heracles is the original way of saying it Hercules had to complete 12 labors He had to Suffer he had to endure pain if you really get into this mythology. This is him. This is very archetypal type image She's taking on the Neemian lion Hercules he didn't just have to be strong in Being physically powerful he had to have cunning he had to have intelligence and he had to suffer repeatedly over the course of his life Not just in the 12 labors He did to redeem himself but in labors afterwards if you actually look at the the whole mythology He was basically cursed from birth and up until the time he died He was still struggling and that metaphor You know for life that life is struggle life is pain life is suffering There's a reason why he was so popular mythology It wasn't because he won something and then got to ascend and be a god to relax It was that his entire life was essentially a battle against the unknown and against the forces of earth Now modern society, I like this image as well technology has had the effect of diluting masculine ephemindy One of the tyrannies of the modern age is it because we are so comfortable We don't know how to be strong because we're actually not required to be competent at anything It's very easy to set your life and engineered where you can be lazy and you can have food delivered to you You can hire personal trainer and have your exercise program for you and not to actually learn anything You have the ability availability through apps through various technological means that you can remove all sources of discomfort Which on one hand it encourages Sloth encourages laziness it encourages all these sinful qualities on the other it makes us lose sight of actually developing ourselves Since we have nothing to test ourselves against at all. We're all cogs biological cogs in this infernal machine We also deal with this so I like this image because I hate these motherfuckers with a passion So we have bred a generation of defective faggots So we have men open to mouth agreeable essentially all clones of each other and we have the you could call the Beatization of men the blue pill You know culture of men the mommy girlfriend the mother may I phenomenon? We have men who lack strength so much that they associate masculinity with being agreeable So they associate masculinity not just the being weak not just with agreeing with everybody But they associate it with a lack of contrast They try to make themselves more similar to everything that they think they should be equal to Equality is tyranny in that way. It makes us less of who we are I've said this before and I'll say this many times over if You operate within that paradigm of being a beta-tized man You become blind to your own nature men that are blind to themselves are blind to the nature of women by default If you don't know who you are if you don't know what it means to be a man women are always going to be unknown to you And you know going let's say like beyond like the red pill I've called it you know some of the clear pill now in various contexts if you look at the fundamental problem of the modern age It's this we don't know what our nature is anymore. We don't know it on a transcendent level We don't know it on a catholic level in regards to just the earth and living our day-to-day lives We don't know ourselves The testosterone is what makes a man a man fundamentally biologically this hormone this molecule This drives almost every aspect of male behavior. This makes us competitive This increases our muscle mass our bone density if you lack testosterone if your testosterone levels are low if you are Hypogonadal you're not going to feel like yourself So on a very very basic level if you take away nothing else from this if you're feeling low energy You're playing to press you have stroke with anxiety any of those things get your testosterone levels checked if it's Medium if it's low normal if the doctor is telling you that you're 200 level on a 1000 point scale is fine. You need to increase that Only a man can tell a woman how to act women are implicit men are explicit this image is from James Bond I think was the last one a specter, which was terrible movie, but still had some good images in it I like this scene because she obviously has very come hitherto sexual energy to her But he ignores her to go fulfill a duty, but she is still attached to him If you are a strong man explicitly then women will implicitly want to follow your lead if you're not that way Then you will struggle to have to tell women what to do and women always resent that again strength in this context We have this quality over and over again that becomes relevant no matter where we want to apply it Where does strength come from? I've said this I should probably write a book about this at some point as I've probably Explained this God knows how many times but still hits Biological necessity you have to do two things to survive as a man just to you have to protect yourself from the environment from other men From nature itself you have to protect yourself if you can do that you have to feed yourself You have to provide everything that makes a man a man it comes from those two things We are evolved for violence. I think this is John of Mars Again, I like this image because the sheer ridiculousness of it But we see in this image the classical sort of battle of man. He's protected woman. It's man gets nature He is obviously a very heroic looking figure and these kinds of things resonate with us because we know they're true This is always going to be true. It's never not true if the lights come down society gets reduced to ash This is how we operate Being strong also allows you to engage in heroism the hero's journey This is Joseph Campbell for those you guys who don't know who that is. He was a professor of mythology But somewhat a Ken you could say almost like the Jordan B. Peterson of like the 1970s a little bit that way But if you're strong you can go on this whole circular cycle of life and death You can become a man you can ascend you can proceed to the world you can meet mentors You can cross thresholds you can bat you can do battles you can seize knowledge You have all this capacity to live in a way that the average man does not but you can't do this if you're weak on a very basic level Very very basic level of this sheer physical prowess What do you need to be able to do you don't need to be able to actually lift weights? And I say that as as again as personal trainer I've been doing this 10 11 years Lifting weights is a means to just build muscle upon your body. It does not make you badass Yeah, it's badass to watch somebody lift something heavy It's badass in the sense that yes that takes discipline takes confidence You've clearly to vote yourself to something but the environment of lifting and I've gotten away from it as I've gotten a little bit Older the environment of lifting being in a air-conditioned perfectly machined precision gym Everything's balanced for you to pick up. That's good to develop a basic level of physical competency sort of general physical preparation That does not actually prepare you for life at large. It's only in modern society where we can get away with just being able to walk What do we actually need to be able to do? These things we need to have endurance need to have stamina. We need to be able to breathe We need to know how to move across ground need to be able to walk run jump vault balancing crawling Being able to climb swimming lifting carrying throwing catching be able to defend ourselves These are all the skills that allow you to navigate a wild environment or conflict driven environment If you're in a war situation or just a high-tension situation Most of us very few of us actually trained to do any of this We trained to move things from point A to point B and we're limited by the movements that we do We're limited by the two-dimensional two-dimensionality of it So I want you guys to think bigger than that This is phil heath seven time mr. Olympia The funny thing about strength in this context when you look at this image is that if we are overly explicit With our strength if we are overly explicit with how you how we develop our body that becomes almost gay There's a homoerotic element to this This if you compare that to women women display the femininity Biovert displays of beauty. You see a sexy woman. She looks sexy. She makes herself very vulnerable She makes herself very available. She makes herself Essentially enticing to look at and we find that sexually see the woman when we see it in a man who has developed himself for the sheer Purpose of just showing up how he looks In some cases you might find this really impressive and it is that he that's insane looking and there's another perspective though We also find this rather odd where this is very functionally useless and he's built himself up simply to be seen With nothing beyond that This is a personal friend of mine. This is martin lisas He's the world's strongest man. He's the same height. I am he is a 340 pounds so he is almost double my weight He's obviously very strong guy Now we consider this to be more functional because even though he's big he obviously has not trained for a look He is trained to perform. He is trained to do with all the said Going out going beyond this and talking about strength this white tile. This is like a young red pill As I said before if you know if men that no longer understand women men that don't understand themselves will no longer understand women If finding out that women like to talk like to fuck tall men Who can fight and fuck if that's surprising to you you got bigger problems? And I've said this before as well if you want to get in touch with yourself Lift weights learn violence that will do it for you Women rely on men to make life good and men use violence to make life good because with violence we can mitigate bad things We can do battle with each other Violence is explicit that way as well men fight women watch women watch you all the time So the way that you display strength across different domains of your life That's always going to create an effect and are around you men that are strong Let us say everywhere almost everywhere. They're always more enticing and they're always more charming and they always draw People to them because they have a quality that fills the void where that would be lacking This is the classical hierarchy of how strength it is expressed You have man versus nature which we really don't have to deal with anymore. We're not in battle the environment We're in Orlando. We're in a hotel. This is an air-conditioned room. Nature is not something we think about You have man versus man That still exists obviously today in Intersexual competition and trying to get laid and there's other guys in the bar it exists in fighting It exists in sports of all kinds it exists in war We also have the inner battle the internal battle of man versus himself of you in conflict with you And that is from in most cases our biggest battle. We also have man versus women Which this can be on a level of let's say Playfulness it can be a level of enjoyment or it can be no for a lot of guys really struggle with women It can be a lifelong struggle that sort of takes them apart mentally psychologically This is from the movie the gray. I just I love this movie. It's very good man movie You want to watch it? But Liam Neeson he is suicidal in this film. He wants to kill himself, but he is forced to do battle with nature and He loses that battle very badly, but he still decides to struggle against it It's a very good display that strength Can not conquer anything, but it can overcome cowardice of nothing else Mass caesoro this is man versus society man versus man, but what does this do? What is what is he able to do with this when he has his costume on any if you watch the movie trains himself and he gets strong? strength and I'm taking this from Ken last night, but strength Allows you to be vulnerable Strong men can be vulnerable been because the stronger you are the harder you are to hurt So this has always been sort of my umbridge so to speak with some of the old like older school man of spear stuff Was it a lot of it was based on risk mitigation especially with women? I don't want to get hurt I don't want to be emotionally wounded. I don't want to lose. So how can I minimize risk in all my interactions? That's how pussy thinks that's a coward if you're strong you take on a risk These are not afraid of being hurt that way because you are so strong that you can be taken from again and again Again, and you're not going to run out if you're so emotionally fragile that one woman one relationship can ruin you You were always weak to begin with so you might be you know You might have let's say alpha understandings of women, you know red pill understandings, but you're still beta. You're still a bitch Nothing's changed This is Joe Dempsey. This is him beating a man to death basically We respect this man because again he uses violence and he did not lack women obviously We have the yin we have the yang in The modern environment We are very yen driven and I'm borrowing this from granin earlier this year bit It was very insightful So yin and yang you've probably seen this image was mean yang is masculine Yang we associate with strength. We associate with firmness. We associate with penetration. We associate with hardness We associate with being rigid. We associate yang energy with being something that forms So we associate with masculinity masculinity brings order then you have yet you have the dark portion Yen is capacious yin is a space you fill yin is being accommodating yin is softness Yin is darkness yin is chaos and ideally in our lives We maintain something of a balance of the two as men were always going to be predominant through here But we still even within strength. We have some flexibility. We are balanced out by our oppositional qualities If we don't have that when we come men who are yen that we have the modern world We have men who has been said many times act like women for the sake of wanting to get along with women to be like them And they're very frustrated by it The more you try to make things equal the more corrupt the world is So we have complementary opposites in that way The idea if you are a very masculine man is that you can finally understand nature of the world for me You can finally understand these areas Again, this requires strength though to express your masculinity This image I like or this I like this Dynamic so the Joker is a very masculine guy. He's a psychopath. He kills people. He does it for fun He has no problems using violence, but he also has an element of femininity to him. He's garish-looking. He wears makeup He has a he has yin energy and I'm not saying to be like Joker since that would be fun But you'd be pretty restlessly fast in the United States But it's a good example of how if you take the qualities and you dial them up to level 10 They have this powerful effect on people around you and Ultimately or resultingly he doesn't have any trouble seducing women that way There's a reason why the Joker sort of archetype has become very popular the last five years Women are so star from masculine energy that they'll look for it anywhere in society. So this gets fetishized Now with strength, however, you have a quality of predictability If you are so rigid in trying to develop yourself as a man across all these areas I gotta be strong. I gotta make money. I have to be confident. I have to have competency You can be hit a level where you're no fun Now the thing and those you guys know me know I love this movie being the beast So if you look at Gaston and you look at beasts, they're actually quite similar. They're both assholes Basically, they're both really big guys. So I mean this guy's an animal, but whatever So they're both like they're both stereotypically tough that way. You're like they're actually quite similar Momentarily the problem with this is that he's very predictable. He's super predictable And he tells her exactly how life's gonna go and that makes it boring for a woman This guy she has no idea what's gonna happen. He might eat her but but but he has a fucking library He's a little this is why this is why this works. Let's talk about this. We're gonna talk about this Okay, she falls in love them. Why he has a library and he says, you know what like I know I'm being an asshole to you and I'm insane and whatever and I'm gonna die and something I'm all conflicted, but you seem to like to like learn you have an imagination Here's an imagination room. I want you to be imaginative. So he encourages experience. He's experiential that way Women will attach themselves to men who provide experience. That's why women are attracted to certain archetypes of men That's why women like bad boys. It's like women like assholes is you don't know what's going to happen So you're going to grow the world and what she lives in This is fucking boring. That's living in a house to being a wife. This is why trad cons are dumbasses I want a trad con wife. You're worth this piece of shit If you live in those countries where you think that exists, you'd still be boring Be like this guy except, you know, we don't have a castle, but be more like this. Okay, this is unpredictable This is actually chaos. This is fun There's a reason why girls love this fucking movie everybody loves this fucking story for a reason for a reason It reveals the fundamental truth of men and women regarding strength and contrast. He is completely dissimilar to her They have absolutely nothing in common other than Male female. Okay, there's some by this way of differentiation friction energy, but it actually works out in the end And what happens? He's such a brute and he's such an ass when he's so tough But you know what actually allows him to be vulnerable for her So she gets as I've often said she gets the alpha beta everything asshole the guy that's infinite everything and so We're wrapped up in the same man That's the ideal you can't do that if you're a weak bitch though Now the harem thing I always like this with strength when guys talk about you know Like having concept of women confidence, you know if having a lot of girlfriends traditionally to have a harem You had to kill a lot of people a lot of people I can guarantee now If you probably made a few of you a few of your operators most everyone here you haven't killed a lot of people You haven't killed anyone At all you haven't gone to battle with anything So that would be the context in which you could get a lot of women because you are the ultimate protector in that way Life's comfortable around you or some society. This doesn't really exist anymore Islamic world Kind of yes, it could that's a whole different conversation and I'm not going to dive down that rabbit hole Now if you're strong enough and you differentiate yourself you differentiate yourself from the world enough And in the physicality and persona and personality and how you express yourself You'll find at the end of your life where you find out enough period of time that women are naturally drawn to you In the Greek mythology wisdom is Athena wisdom is a woman now We don't usually associate modern-world women being wise honestly most women honestly are not they're not but if you are a man Who is a man women will reveal wisdom to you by way of contrast and Athena serve the embodiment of that Perseus and Medusa What is the archetype of Perseus facing Medusa? He is facing the forces of yen He is facing the forces of femininity. He is facing the forces that seek to disrupt the earth and He doesn't take them head-on. He reflects them back at itself and he manages to be headed So the ultimate way to serve conquer the world as a man is to conquer that chaos within yourself again You can't do this though if you lack courage On a very basic level of physical representation, what do we associate with strength? So this is like this is now the useful portion of the talk. It's only a few things Don't be fat 15% body fat or less. So all you guys they're in here. You know, I need to lose weight Which I get which should I hit body compromise? Get your body fat down to about this range Doesn't mean you're gonna look like a Greek God, but you will look better and subsequently you will increase your muscle mass If you want to look heroic, that's a 20 inch difference between your shoulders and your waist I could go through I could have pulled up slide after slide of a bond and Achilles and Black Panther and whatever guys They got big shoulders. You have a small waist basic If you're gonna lift weights don't over complicate it a squat type movement You're gonna push things. You're gonna pull things. That's the very basic drill preparation for just putting muscle in the body Develop confidence develop some sense of competency to really learn about yourself Learn violence. Which kind of violence boxing? You just I don't care do something that makes you afraid to do it and you actually get hit So there's obviously a variety of disciplines available to you learn how to throw punch learn how to take a punch learn How to get choked out learn to deal with pain cultivate excellence through contrast definition of my contradiction the more You develop yourself and the more I want to say extremely become but the more accentuated you develop your various qualities The more you're going to find reality without having to force anything The problem for a lot of younger guys when you're in let's say like teens really 20s Is that you can read the stuff and you can kind of practice it But you don't actually have the life experience to really understand it So that's why young men are oftentimes characterized by trying to sort of brute-strength everything you try to make things happen And that can work, but I also can create situations where people can see through you very readily If you do this over time though, and you cultivate excellence through these various contradictions You'll find that life will rather align itself for you without you needing to be breaking things in that matter If you're not strong you're weak How do you know that? What makes you insecure? Yeah, I could dive into all these different domains like what makes you insecure if there is an area of life in which you fear Approaching it talking about it feeling it engaging with it Then that's a place to develop and there's gonna be various pathways to do that that could be making money That could that could be your emotions for some of you probably the do any therapy and all I see I say that sincerely That could be your emotional history that could be past trauma that could obviously be women That could be being around other men a lot of men today Lack the ability to form male bonds because they've been so isolated that when they finally get around a group of guys They don't have talked to each other and they're actually afraid to be like they're afraid to share feelings They're afraid to show emotions. They're afraid to share experiences You know so be a fear of other men to be there in which you need to develop all this said ultimately If you're gonna oh, okay, we're last like to go. Okay, whatever last slide's gone If you're gonna survive in the world strength is gonna be you get tested by If you if you're not strong or weak and if you want to live a life There's on your own terms You have to take that quality out of yourself and you have to put it into the world at large If you do not bring out what is within you it will destroy you and I will end the talk there So I made sure to give enough time because I think the questions are where the best meat of the conversation is Questions we got 20 minutes. What do you want to ask? Whoever wants to go up to the mic If there are no questions, then we can in the conversation is Hello, Mike Chuck. Yeah Thank you for your speech. It was really really my opening. I was just wondering what do you mean by cultivating excellence? I kind of want to get it more clarified for myself. Yes, so cultivating excellence So the most direct way to think about that is that every area of life that you recognize you can improve You want to follow some kind of standard So working out is the easiest portion or the first or probably the easiest subject for this And for those of you guys who are really want to like get more into the fitness aspect of my workshop later on It will just cover the straight fitness talk So like if you want like that you want to talk about that come to the workshop But coldening excellence about following standards It's about it's about setting a standard of practicing a standard of behavior setting a performance metric of some kind and then trying to reach it So that could be something very basic. It could be I want to bench press my body weight ten times That'd be a standard that could be a standard with income. I make Let's say five grand a month now. I want to make five thousand five hundred and I'm gonna find a means to do that When you set a standard that allows you to reverse engineer the pathway to that standard So it's essentially it's setting a goal. It's setting a Let's say I want to say like a future self But it's setting a version of your yeah, it is it's saying it's creating a version of yourself in the future of What that looks like and that requires you to actually detail what you want to do You know, what do you think you're capable of? Okay, if I have that now, let me work backwards and that reveals the process Every area of your life that you lack standards in you're probably lacking in that area period Yeah, very it's very rare that you will have a man who is so naturally good at something He's never had to think about it and it just comes to him But like he embodies excellence. That doesn't really that's not really the case If you want to be good at anything you have to consciously think about it and then develop its development develop it through various means So you know like for yourself right now, just think about you know yourself, you know What am I what do I feel I'm lacking what I want to improve on? Okay, what is a standard? I could set for myself and then let me create a pathway a system of goal to getting there and then you know for that You'll have various plans. You'll have a schedule. You'll learn discipline Discipline essentially the daily practice of what your standards are we reveal our standards to their our daily discipline our daily consistency That's another area of life. The law guys lack today were not only are they not good at anything They actually don't do anything to Develop goodness. They don't do anything to develop discipline. They just they live in a reaction to themselves So then this you know then this gets into the question of intentionality if I'm gonna do this I'm gonna be intentional about it. I'm gonna be actionable So now I'm gonna have to direct my energy towards something so that creates its own that's its own conversation I can keep sort of spinning off on this But you know for everyone listening if you want to get good at something find a standard Find the people who are the best in the world figure out what that is and then do what they do or at least do Let us say the model of you know what they did to get there All right. Thank you. No problem So I got a question for you You could maybe talk a little bit about the role that Discipline and importantly deferred gratification plays with this process of rebuilding yourself in a new image with delayed Graphication So one of the ways that strength is expressed since it's strength is related some metaphor is that men We will put off Pleasure in the present for a path in the future or we will put off short-term gain for long-term success Yeah, and whiz that reveal about us When you practice late gratification when you practice discipline It's a man that has foresight So there's an element of wisdom to that it's not just I'm strong enough not to do this thing right now That does require willpower that does like that's the sheer willpower. You know, here's this thing You can do it right now. I'm not gonna do it. Okay. Oh, yeah, we have great willpower. Okay. Cool. Yeah, I will power I'm just choosing I could do something that's very instantaneous The deeper qualities of that the sort of the meta quality is that I can look at this action I can extrapolate it one week two weeks three weeks four years five years ten years and I can see the consequences of engaging with this I Can see what it will do to me. I can see what will turn me into so we have second third Let's say fourth order effects and then I actually make a choice. No, I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna do this instead even if this Whatever this is even if I do this discipline this disciplinary practice, even if it's uncomfortable So you're not just showing willpower. You're not just showing that strength of character. You're showing foresight You actually think about the future This is why we admire people who become very very skillful and excellent at various things whether it be music whether it be fighting Whether it be, you know, we could be driving whether it be weaponary. We watch that person We can tell somehow we know intuitively they didn't just get good at this because they loved it They could see what they could turn into they actually had a plan for their process of being and then they applied it and that's a rare quality again most of it a day It's just all reactionary. You're always reacting to your past decisions or past mistakes Your emotional turmoil and you don't practice discipline anywhere. Yeah, the only discipline you sort of practice is just being chaotic Hopefully that's the question Ivan Thank you. So in the beginning you mentioned how most men only have maybe one or more area to express that strength through And now that can be a detriment, especially if you're dealing with a female relationship Are there any areas or personal stories that you can share of your personal experience where maybe you were lacking in one or More areas that you had to enhance in order to heal enhance or grow a relationship with a woman. Oh, yeah So this is this is about what three years ago, so I'm 30 now I was 27 so for most of my 20s. I did not have any foresight at all Like none. I just I was this being of this of this peer service reactionary. Yeah, let us say Instinct so I was I went broke multiple times about my 20s. I was never up until 27. I didn't have money I didn't I didn't even have reliable income. I was always to serve on the edge of like, okay I'm gonna change apartments. I'm behind on rent and behind on these bills. Whatever. It'll work itself out I relied on sort of just luck to take take care of me And on a certain level that's very carefree and that's very much the hallmark of like being a young man But that's obviously that's not maturity That's not going to us get you to any place of ascension in life And I got checked when I was 27 I was in a relationship and the guys with the time and it was it was a serious relationship She told me flat out. She's like you have nothing to show for yourself. You're just a fit guy who looks good like you're hot But that's it. That's literally it. That's all you've gotten good at. That's it They're just your body and what you look like that's it and she was right. I couldn't argue with that I did I wasn't one man say no, that's not true. Well, I have expertise in training. Well, if you're such an expert why you broke Yeah, you did not if you're so good at something you're thinking the best in the world How come you can't get paid enough for it? What's the counter argument? Well, it's not about money No, it is about money because you're behind on your rent. You got like 10,000 grand the o to like eight different credit cards All right, maybe it is about money like I had no response to that at all Yeah, that was just one of those sort of like inflection points or rise like okay. Yeah, on a very very basic level I need to provide for myself better. I need to get my income up I need to realize I don't know anything about value of time which you know, that's its own deep conversation I don't value my own time. I have not thought about the future beyond literally like a week I should probably maybe think maybe two weeks. Yeah literally like maybe think about two weeks a month That could be useful So if that really to be able to all the deficiencies of my character Many and that's I mean that's very remedial on a certain level for a lot you guys. Hopefully you're not as stupid as I was You know, maybe some of you were But that was I mean that was like a moment in time where that was I meant struggle for probably like two months where I felt Really shitty about myself. I'm like but you did this to yourself like whose fault is this for being the situation? You're in it's you but it took a woman to tell me that I would if that would been a man I wouldn't have listened because I had buddies at the time like bro. You need to get your shit together fuck off Don't say shit to me But someone that I loved and I was would and actually I knew cared about me that actually hit that had emotional resonance So in the on that way that In the way that men test the world women also always will test men, you know, that's that's really what shit tests are It's seeing if you have balls But it's also seeing it's also revealing to you that you know what I have there is something that you Fundamentally lack you actually could develop in yourself Yeah, and that is what women are very very very good at or can be good at let's say You know someone just want to destroy a man for the sake of their confidence self-esteem to bring a man down from a peak There's a woman's biggest accomplishment. Yeah, and we've seen that today with me too with all these different things But to get a man to rise Yeah, I would argue and it just be some misogynistic misogynistic not they give a shit But a woman's greatest accomplishment is to get a man and elevate him Yeah, that's that's winning at the world. That's winning at life That's showing that you know how the universe operates. So that was one of those moments So you mentioned Beauty and the Beast with guest on being very predictable. How do you like cultivate that desire like the Unpredictable the aspects of the beast more like What I'm trying what I'm trying to get it is a lot of times like when I'm talking to women a lot It tends to be a very predictable type of Conversation like how do you kind of bring those aspects of the beast out? Okay, so there's There's like there's a few levels to this on a very basic level my buddies and I used to say this to us to ourselves This is back when I was in my early 20s. This is living LA going out Talking to girls, but we'd say a broods get sleuths So sleuth being sluts so this you know I basically if you really like an emotional asshole this makes fun of her like there will be women that Will obviously want to sleep with you very basic like getting laid is not hard at all But what were we actually really doing there that was fun mill to that? We were just kind of unpredictable and it was it was talking to a guy and he wasn't trying to be nice to you He wasn't trying to accommodate you obviously He was not you know in any way trying to be agreeable You just be ourselves we'd be dicks and we talk and we make jokes and we'd have inside jokes with each other But it was fun because you the girl be trying to figure it out You're making her laugh. I mean this is very basic stuff, but later on when I reflected back I'm like we Because we were let's just say relatively good-looking alpha guys like we had keyed in on a sort of truth of interaction without realizing it Now I'm not encouraging you to be that much of an asshole since we caused a lot of hurt feelings all the time Which if you feel guilty feel guilty, whatever, but the meta quality to that is that you are curious You're curious and you actually are a man were because She can't quite figure you out. What does that mean? It doesn't mean that you're crazy No means that actually you're perceptive to life and you see things beyond what the average person sees So a lot of the reasons why men are just boring today is bees are not curious about anything You have no experience at show that you know you have you have no cool experiences You speak only one language you haven't traveled you haven't done anything studying any study anything looked anything thought about anything on a Deep level where you could share insight. There's nothing about you that is You know let's say you know magical that way. It's very mundane So the idea of like you know, how can I be more spontaneous or curious to get women to be more into me? You have to be have some depth to you that is actually worth exploring You know, this is why like musicians always kill it so well because by creating music It's like why you create you create something and then you perform it and somehow your brain works in that fashion I'm not a musician at all, but I friends you are they always get girls They can play guitar and this riff and it's like wow like you're but what is it? It's artistic. What is artistry artistries to create something from raw matter from nothingness. There's a very transcendent quality to that You know even watching sports guys they're athletes athletes can be dumb asses They can be absolutely bro tarded, but they are on a field. It's a dynamic situation You see someone where they're taking risks. They're acting on their feet. They're you know thinking in the moment They're in the flow state. Wow, that's sexy. You might be an idiot off the field, but watching you there like that's sexy So again, we have that element of sort of almost chaos to ourselves a masculine form of chaos You know if everything about you can be written on a piece of paper It sounds like a resume and that's what you're sharing hoping that that's going to be the thing that attracts one to you They're not because you're easy to figure out So you have to cultivate that quality than yourself take up a hobby Study philosophy do some things where it actually would be intriguing for someone if they spoke to you about it that defies the norm Get a motorcycle if nothing else, you know like just don't just don't die Thank you. No problem in the previous question prior to this one. You had said that you were in your like 27 and That previous relationship the woman was saying that you had nothing going for you But except for like your body, but you had excellence as like a personal trainer So let's say you've cultivated a means of being excellent and you have that skill What are some strategies that you could use to monetize that properly so that you can change your situation So this is like a sort of like a brand-building mind-making question. So the thing I realized With expertise is that when I was that age I so I've been I've been writing professionally for seven years And when I got started I worked for free eventually I got paid like $300 an article I realized that for writing You know for relative to what I was good at writing was an infinite skill and that there was a market for knowledge I realized that there was a market for just learning in general And while I'm telling you right now So the crystallization of things that took a long time to figure out when I first started writing I was just happy that people like paid attention to me I'm like oh people are flying what I write useful cool like I'm good at something like I get good feedback This is great, but I didn't have any sense as to how that could translate into money at all I was just doing something that I enjoyed and that yeah, I do enjoy teaching like I love to teach But it wasn't until a few years later I realized okay teaching is an infinite market because everybody in the world is a big as a be is a beginner at 99% of things so everyone in this room right now you basically are all amateurs at almost everything except except maybe two Three four things everybody's an amateur So I realized that it was sort of this moment like wait There's there's definitely a market for the knowledge I have and everybody needs it more or less because most people are not fit especially in Western society People want to become better looking people want to learn how to train People want to learn how to do all these things like I could teach us people You know if I can teach it I could probably find some way to create product from it because in teaching people things you need to create resources ebooks Courses wherever the case may be some packaging information delivers it in a continuum. Okay. Now. I can actually make money You know that was like sort of basic realization Yeah, and then with that came the marketing aspect and the marketing like people marketing has a bad rep oftentimes like guys Are very comfortable with self promotion, but you're really just finding people who need what you're teaching You know, that's the basic thing It's very nice to think in this world today that people are going to find you because you're so great We we have a hundred thousand sources of information to compete for our attention all the time if you want to stand out You have to make yourself stand out So then it was like okay And how do I develop presence and in the process developing from the personal brand that way and this could be done online This could be done also within a community You want to be known for something whatever it is within your social circle Yeah, this is also like one of the fun little prompts of the greebleness if you are agreeable all the time Then you're not known for anything except being a lackey If you're known for something that's something useful people will they'll seek you out or they'll at least know what you're about And then you can start building upon that quality. So whatever it is your area of expertise is in What are who are the people that need it? Yeah, how do you embody it where you can let people know about it and then within your own social circles? How can you become the guy that is that guy? Yeah, obviously with the man's beer branding like the Chad Jesus thing cracks me up But I'm like I kind of ran with that like you know what that's a good. That's a good brand It's so it differentiates you right okay great whatever, you know whether it's arrogant. I look like an asshole I don't really give shit so fuck you all like that Yeah, but that's always been my attitude my whole life Which when you're in you know operating within like the digital realm like you need to have the attitude of not caring since otherwise You go crazy, you know on a professional level I'm not professional obviously so I would die in a professional environment But when I was working in a professional environment the one thing I was known for is that I was very excellent I was the best I was the best at what I did So even even if you had a lot of bad qualities to yourself if you kill that and then charge enough or nothing else Yeah, you'll be able to create a livelihood Thank you very That's about all the time we have we have a time for more here I want to get it go for a man last question So, thank you for that speech My question is Well, you said as a young man Many will sort of kind of force themselves Into that list, you know So what is the line between forcing it and It actually being natural the The ideal to this the perfect ideal if things were perfect in the world Is it everything that you would need to be you would naturally be so that's the idea of like the natural alpha the natural this natural that And in some level there are people who are naturally talented certain areas. That's true You know guys who are you know, let's say, you know, everyone knows this when you were young They're the guys who are really good athletes are the guys who are taller than everybody else are the guys who are much faster I'm stronger. So naturalness is real in that regard. No man is naturally good at everything though It doesn't exist So that idea that okay, this this feels Let us say You know authentic. I feel like I'm an impostor doing this. When does it become authentic? At one time I'd get very deep into the mindset of like, okay Like why do you feel like you're an impostor like what where do you grappling with at a certain point that I rise? That was this a lot of wasted time. If you do anything for long enough, you will become that thing Yeah, this is you know, that's sort of that rough paraphrase of the Aristotle quote You know excellence is what you do every day and it's true. You are what you do every day Now if it feels unreal to you in a natural and forced on day one It's not gonna feel that way in day 1,000 So a lot of the cognitive dissonance that some of you may have with I feel like I'm Imposing upon this or I'm like I feel like I'm faking this you are right now But you won't be in two years or three years or five years or ten years You won't you won't Now you can always argue with the I know guys they've been successful for 20 years and they're still you know They still feel like an impostor. Okay, like let's get into the mindset then but for the vast majority of men It's me by repeating the thing and practicing the habit by practicing discipline. You will become that thing And you have to also this deal with the unknown and the uncertainty And that's also part of the learning curve of it itself like this doesn't feel right. I'm uncomfortable mentally. I don't like it That's okay It's not supposed to feel good in day one or date day 10 or date 20 or day 30 It will feel better in day 1,000 But that initial curve it's sort of like almost like a slow hockey stick You start you're rising you're rising. This is uncomfortable uncomfortable. I'm afraid. I'm fearful. Okay This is becoming better and then you'll hit a point where when you finally have honed something to the level of instinct Where it's internalized within you use that drops off and you stop thinking about it so much You really don't think about it all but that takes time Yeah, that's sort of I want to say the 10,000 hour rule since that was kind of revealed as bullshit But that takes a certain amount of hours it takes a certain amount of days before it becomes entirely habitualized Many many many people become good at things and they have no idea really why Simply because they were led into doing it constantly Anyone that had a very disciplined father anyone they had a disciplinarian for a father where he made you do Let's say a physical stuff where he made you study something or he had to recite this or memorize that You just got good at because you had to and you probably don't question that part of your personality so much like my father made me Do this and as a way I had to do But that's just how it was Yeah, so now this is this is a characteristic. I have yeah, how you feel about it. You can talk about feelings all the time I'm not very feeling oriented obviously. Yeah, it's all every life is action. No one gives a fuck what you felt when you're dead So you follow that curve you eventually get good at it where it becomes instinctual it goes from conscious incompetence to conscious Unconscious incompetence this I'm quoting my dad right now Then you have conscious incompetence then you have conscious competence for now You're actually getting good at you so think about it And you hit unconscious competence now it's instinct and then now you are that thing and that will take as long as it needs to Take the best way to speed that up is surround to surround yourself with other men who are already Skilled at it and also learning along with you and then you'll just adopt start adopting your traits Social group reinforcement is one of the most powerful ways to recondition yourself So yeah, if you want to speed that up as I said find guys who already are that or closer to it than you and just hang out Together go do that thing with them. You will become it Gentlemen, that's all town we have give it up one more time for a jacquard says