 Hey there friends, how's it going? My name is Kevin and today we're gonna be a peasant. Yeah, it ain't much, but it's honest work. No, I'd rather play games for a living. Okay, bad idea. Let's do it in a game instead. Oh, today we're playing Rustler, which is basically Grand Theft Auto, but you're a peasant. Oh, look at him. He's having a great time. Do you think he's just hanging on there like a koala? Is he asleep? On ye olden graffiti on a lovely world. The chalk lines of the horse and everything. Oh, this is great already. And there's a band and burning people. This is honestly just amazing. We got like a rap song and everything and a cat on the roof and it says horse. Oh my god, there's so much to digest. He just walked into a wall. Every time I look around, I'm like, oh, there's a person in that barrel. There's so much to digest. There's someone in the haystack over there. There's no point in trying to find him. You know the old saying, you can't find a person in a haystack. Or is that needle? I don't want to either. I don't care. All right, so this is me. I'm just horsing around. I'm going to make myself dizzy. I'm just spinning in circles. That's what I love to do to sober up when I'm hungover and just start spinning like a ballerina. Jesus, I just broke apart that fence with my bare hands. The drink makes me strong. You think putting a counter roof is funny? I'll show you funny. Oh, I put it on the roof. I see. Okay. Are we fighting? No, I don't want to fight. I'm a lover, not a fighter. What is this? I don't want to fight you. I make it a point to not fight people who can defend themselves. Like, look, I'll beat up this guy playing the loot because why not? Oh, he's a sword. He didn't like that. No, let me just attack the guy with the loot. I hate this soundtrack anyway. I want more rap. I'm still just committing to killing this guy with the loot. I hate the loot. Oh, I love the loot. Give me the loot. What do I do now? Can I use the loot? Oh, there we go. This must be so aggravating for him. He's trying to beat me up and I'm just like leading him to the river like the pied piper with my loot. Oh, parking. Is that what that's for? Parking is for parking. This is great. Ow, that's not great though. All right, you know what? I should try and kill this dude. Don't try and run, you coward. I say after running like half a marathon with a loot in my hands. Go on, attack me. You can't touch me. I can't touch you either though. This is just kind of pathetic. There we go. Now no one will ever miss him ever again. I'm late for a meeting with the boss. Can I steal this? All right, grand theft horse. Hold on. I don't have my horse license. Oh, Jesus. Oh, God. Oh, no. Oh, I'm in the big city. You like my loot playing? This is where I'll make my fortune and become a musician. It's little singing along with it. It's great. Oh, sorry. I'm here to meet the boss. Wait, why are you fighting? Let me calm the situation down. This isn't calming them down. If anything, it's making them more angry. Oh my God, you hit me. Friendly fire. Jesus. It's as if people don't like the loot played obnoxiously loud right into their ear. God, ye olden times were weird. Oh, he's just beatboxing. What's wrong? Don't have a loot. Oh, no. No, that's bad. That's bad. I was about to say that's bad in ye olden times if someone sneezes next to you, but it's bad in general nowadays. Wear a mask, please. Is he following me along? All right. Who knew a loot and beatboxing would go together so poorly? So poorly. I think all of us... Oh, he's getting on my horse now. He's beatboxing on my horse. Okay, come on, beatboxer. I gotta go steal another horse for some reason. I don't even know why I'm doing it. The boss just said I gotta do it. Ah, this is the horse. Oh, that is a fancy horse. Come on, beatboxer. Should I name him? No, I don't want to get too attached. I mean the beatboxer, by the way, not the horse. Oh my God, those horses have sirens on them. Oh my God, I'm getting trampled. Jesus. Oh my God. Dude, where's my beatboxer? He's dying. He's dying. I'm dying. He's just frantically beatboxing. All good things come to an end. Did he kill my beatboxer? I think he did. That is so sad. He beatboxes way right into my heart. I didn't think I'd be saying that today. Or ever. Pippin' horse. This game is too much. Wait, why is he doing this? Is he Italian? It's no problem. You ever want to lose the guy who's come to us? A quick repent will solve everything. I don't know what they even repainted. They spray-painted the horse? I think they did. I think they actually spray-painted the horse itself. Well, if it isn't the drunken master, if I was drunk, could I play the lute like this? Actually, that sounds extremely drunk. And I think about it more so the singing. I can't believe my beatboxer friend is dead. I'm just so glad I didn't name him because I feel like it would have hurt a lot more. Oh, this is my mom. She wants me to play with the field. Get on the bar and card. I'm so confused where this game is going. It's like a mix of Grand Theft Auto and Stardew Valley over here. Which is a weird combination. E to start plowing. Alright, I spelled feck, be it poorly, but still, do I get paid now? I did some plowing after all. Look, I'm just trying to immerse myself in the game. People back then were illiterate, so they would probably write like this. I'd fit right in. No, I'm just doing donuts. I'm not really good at this farming thing. But look, a perfect circle. Oh, I tried to draw a face. Oh no, he's depressed. Am I done plowing it? How much do I have to do? Hold on. Let me just plow some of this field. And some of the neighbor's field. He's actively here trying to work in his crops and I just drive through. Alright, am I done? I think that's enough for one day. That's a lot of work. Now, ah mom, come on. I screw this. It's good enough. Yeah, that's good enough. Gonna plant a lot of crops there tomorrow. The little tuna place. It really is like Grand Theft Auto. This is a successful parody. Ooh, I have skill points. Hiring a bird costs five less gold. I paid that man to beatbox with me. Oh my God, I got ripped off. Chris Maxim, HP, do that one. I don't have enough stars. Okay, we'll do that another time. What if I told you that you might take part in the big tournament? There's a tournament? Okay, he wants me to be in some tournament or something, but I gotta go meet the boss first. I don't know why I should be in the tournament. I walked around the town drunk all day and put a cow on someone's house. Doesn't seem very honorable, you know. Wait, is that TNT? Hmm, I'm not sure. It might be. It's just the fact that it's just TNT on it. It's giving it away a little bit. Oh, I found a crossbow. Can I shoot it with this? Like, it's not really explosive, but... Oh, yeah, that worked, okay. Oh, that's my own horse dead. Okay, well, I guess I'll just take this cart and we will never speak of this again. Right, guys? Run, run. It's through the trees. Oh my God, I'm flying around the place. I got a job for you. I want you to deal with another knight. He counts nearby woods. Kill him, okay? I'm on it. You don't need to explain it. Stop, stop talking. I'm gonna do it. Oh, I'm gonna be like an ancient serial killer. I'll be the loot strangler. Yeah, why not? All right, he's just over there now for my call sign. Just emerging from the woods. Does he know? He's got to know. No, no, no, no, no, no. He's got like a sword. I'm trying to hit him with my loot. Die. Music is so powerful. Oh God, it really isn't. Hold on. I have a crossbow. Hold on. Hold on. I don't like this call sign anymore. I'm not the loot killer anymore. I'm the crossbow killer. Oh my God. The person from that 112 emergency game I was playing. Oh wait, that wasn't even the knight. That was like his friend or something or his squire. I don't know. But now the knight is here in a full set of armor. Oh no. I got to try and reload my crossbow. Hold on. Give me a moment. God, this isn't fair. Just stand there and let me kill you. Okay, loading, loading. Here we go. He's getting confused. Come here. Why did I do that? I was on him and then at the last second I just went... and shot it off into the air. I am the worst assassin ever. Maybe the loot wasn't the problem. It was me all along. Okay, there we go. I got another arrow loaded in. What? Why did he shoot that way? This is embarrassing. Could I just trample him with my horse to something instead? Oh, no. He didn't like that. I somehow loaded my crossbow there, though. He's just killing my horse. If only this rescirer might have so many more horses to replace him. What is happening? What are you doing? Oh no. Please live. Am I okay? Okay, that's all that matters. I have plenty more horses. A little bit cynical, but oh well. Come on, boys. Let's move out. I'm certainly to think I'm just not good with a crossbow, but I don't have any other weapon. Oh my God. He's just blocking him now. I figured out how to aim it properly at least. Yes! Okay, I one shot him. Oh, that was just awful. That was so bad. Alright, so now I need to collect his body with this cart. I love the cart aesthetics there. It's got like a skull on it. There we go. He's in the back. Don't even cover him. Just leave him there. This was normal in ye olden times. Oh, the police are coming. No, this is normal. There we go. Wait, get back in the cart. What do you mean? I thought I was here. Oh no, that was just like some collectible or something. Okay, I don't know why I thought I was here because the mission is take the body to the grave digger and I just stop by a random rock like, yep. This is the place. You know what? Having this body in the back is actually depressing, so I'd like to hire you please. Come with me. I don't have the skill to make it cost less, but it's still worth it. There we go. Now this is nice. This is a proper funeral. You know, the nice cheery upbeat music. I've never been to a funeral. Sorry. I just assume since it has the word fun in it that this is what they're like. I don't know the way, so I'm just smashing through the graveyard. Oh, damn. What a fine body you have. Well, thank you so much. Oh, you mean, right? Kind of weird on your part to say that, though. He'll pay me for each corpse. Oh my God, I'm going to be rich. Yeah, me and my bands just gather in the graveyard at night and play our lutes together. We're kind of like goth punk, you know, so it suits the vibe. Oh, how's that? Very experimental music, too. I didn't know I could do this. What a weird evening for the lute player. Like, I hired him, drove him to a graveyard, dumped a body, and then we just started playing together while I'm just... Gassy. Now we're just running through the streets, waking up every single person. But that was normal in the Middle Ages. They got up at midnight. Start the day early, you know? That is morning. As soon as you go into the next day, the AM, you wake up, you get to work. Can I hire you, too? No. I guess it would hurt my current lute player's feelings, but I just want a whole band following me. I wonder what it actually does, because, like, you pay for it, so I must do something. I'm just doing it for my own enjoyment, though. We have to cross that damn bridge, guys. It's the only way leading you to the capital in the Grand Tournament. Okay, how do you want to do that? Only nobles, blah, blah, blah. I know the guy that knows the guy. He's like, which fake any kind of document? I imagine that you get, like, a fake passport, like, witchcraft. They really burned everyone for everything back then, didn't they? Okay, he gave me a sword and shield. Right to John the Bard? Oh, no. Am I gonna have to get rid of my current Bard? We've been through so much. Actually, he might know too much. He knows a lot of embarrassing stories about me. Like, I go to the graveyard to just be myself and be gassy, play the lute. My guy's so random and quirky, but, again, most people were like that in the middle ages, you know, 2012, 2013. Imagine there's no heaven. Oh, my God, the Beatles plagiarized it. Oh, God, they didn't like that. This is shut up, you heretic. And now the toy rocks at him. Should I defend him? Stop it, stop it. He's a visionary. It's him the Bard that screwed my wife. Okay, I can't really defend you. You know what, I'll try. Damn musicians, getting away with everything. All right, dude, I know you're kind of surrounded here and there's not much you can do, but you could at least stop playing music. Not you, Bard. I've paid for you. Oh, boy, I'm not having a good day. No, you're not. Fire your current Bard by hitting him with any weapon. This is just painful. All right, there you go. I hate this song. I don't know if this is a song. Okay, now it's a song. Once again, adding my unique element to the band. There we go. I upgraded my health. I didn't even look at the other stuff. I just upgraded it. Punch the Bard or press F5. No, I'd rather punch him. Have you ever heard of words? Why punch me? Just change the song. It's like a jukebox. You know, like the puns. He just gave me a dig in the face. Ay. Oh, my God. This Bard stole his loot, too. Everyone wants to kill him. Please back off, dude. He's a musician. They're misunderstood at best. I need to lose the police by taking down the wanted posters and the sirens are just speckin' hilarious on the horses. But am I ever going to get to that tournament is what I'm asking myself. I can't walk anymore. I'm sorry. I'm going to take you and all your fruits. Now your family is probably going to starve. But look, it's mildly faster for me. So it all works out. There we go. There's the forge. Can you give me like a new ID that says I'm like a fruit salesman? It would really get me out of a bind with this fruit cart, too. Because otherwise I don't know how I'm going to explain it. 5,000 coins. What? Can you even count to that number? Oh, my God. My card is so relatable. Quest completed. But like, now I have to get so much money. I'm not going to be able to do this, am I? Let me try and go to the priest. They said he had work and the church is always rich. No matter what time period you're in. Oh, no. Forget the church. This guy's poor horse got towed. Sorry. Sorry. That was an accident. Sorry. My bad. Ah, here's the tow zone. Just drive in. Look, I'll give you all this fruit in exchange for the horse. I'm worth it to you. Come on. Quest failed. The horse died. Oh, run away. I like his mentality. If I can't have it, no one can. And just slaughter it. This horse carriage has a cage on it. Great. Uh-oh. Oh, my God. I've killed so many people. This is just horrible. Oh, my God. No, no, no, no. Get out of here. They're after me. Hold on. All right. Maybe I can mow him down. Yep. That works. All right. I think he's stuck. Oh, my God. He's hitting me from his horse. Hold on. I'm going to get it spray-painted. Give me a chance. Oh, my God. He killed it. This is fucking hard. All right. I clearly need a beard to get anything done because it's just not working. Uh-oh. I have the cops after me before I even get there. Come on, bearded. Beatbox our way to freedom. Go away. Everyone just leave me alone. I feel like your beatboxing is leaving him to me. I got jailed. Oh, my God. And now my beard is just beatboxing over my lifeless body. All right. I'm going to the church instead. Wine and blood. Take the character to the store. Okay. This is much more my speed. Just a little errand. I don't know what that screaming was. Probably my own guy being tormented because he's controlled by me. Wait. What? Why are you attacking me now? I'm running an errand. Why does everything end with fighting? I have no weapons. Why don't I have weapons? Where are they going? Steal the character with wine. What? Which character? I came with the character of wine, didn't I? This one? Oh, this is... Okay. I'm turning water into wine. It's a miracle in a way. There you go. There's your miracle. Bless you, son. May the grace of the Lord. Just skip that. Just... Did you just spit at me? My child. That's holy spit. Now I'm taking him. He's like sitting on top of me. This is really uncomfortable. It looks like it's Santa Claus. He's in the front of the cat. Oh, my God. It's the Spanish Inquisition. What the hell? All right. Well, there they go. They're running off. I got to say, I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition. Party Silverous. I need $5,000. I wonder, is that like the final mission? Like getting to that tournament? That would make more sense. Because right now it's a very slow progress trying to earn money. What do you want, my good man? Please let it be super simple and also pay me loads for no reason. A holy grail hidden somewhere in the woods sound like treasure. That sounds good to me. That's what I want. I just want the easy way out. I want to go back in time and find a holy grail full of Bitcoin. I'm not a financial advisor, by the way. I do not go out and buy a grail full of Bitcoin. Just because I mentioned it, okay? I don't want to get in trouble for that. Oh, God, these are the people looking for the holy grail. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, leave me alone. Oh, do I have to kill them? I don't really want to. Like, not because I don't want to kill. That's fine. It's just I don't want to die, which is much more likely to happen. Even if I wasn't outnumbered and they were unarmed, I'd probably still lose. Oh, for fuck's sake, they caught up to me. Wait, what is going on? It looks like I'm in the sky. Wait, my horse is in that tree. God damn it. Now I can't even bury him. He's just stuck up in the tree. Faster, reverse, faster, faster, please. Oh, my God, I'm almost at the junction. Hold on. All right, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Yes, good turn. Very strong riding there. Like, I literally just mentioned the holy grail and they got blood thirsty. They're obsessed with it. Oh, no. I'm just going to go around. No, I knew you wouldn't let me pass just by looking at that helmet. He said fight me like a man and then he throws me on the ground. Come on now, you're armless. This, wow, just a flesh wound. Fight me. He's still hitting me somehow. All right, there you go. Oh, tis but a scratch. Oh, God, the other knights are after catching up. Wait, he's a stick? Okay, okay, this is fine, actually. I've got a sword now from that nice knight. He was kind enough to give me a hand and then I took both of his. Comedy and legal distillery. All the guards have shown up. The holy grail ended up being an alcoholic, I guess. Wait, this knight is still trying to... I got to kill the guards before they reach the town but this knight dude is still trying to attack me. Hold on. Please don't pull me off. Oh, my God. You are such a little medieval bastard, aren't you? I sought her to have affected horsebacks and I can't even talk. I'm so overwhelmed. Oh, wait, he's waiting for me. Thank you so much. I appreciate that a lot. Thank you. All right, I didn't even murder that one but I did murder his horse so there's no way he can get back in time, right? I'll focus on the other one for now. Just get out of my way. I can't catch up to him as it is. Never mind what you're driving into me. Is that him? That's gotta be him, right? I'm just punching his horse now. Where's my sword? Okay, here we go. Here's a spear. There you go. That's more like it. There. Now we're making progress. Hold on. Let me backtrack. Stop complaining about the roadblock. This has been a hard day for me already. Oh, no. No. Oh, my God. He was on a sliver of health, an absolute sliver. It was... It must have been like this big, this little sliver of health. This must be terrifying. My guy is literally out running that horse trying to catch up to him. Oh, I just got a load of armor there. Okay, this is going to make this a lot easier. Here we go. I'm in. All right, this time everything is going more according to plan. The last time it went so horribly wrong, this is going much better. Already hit them once each. Like, come here, let me kill you because you're almost dead already. Are you dead? Your horse just went off into the void, so I assume he's dead. Wait, hold on. I don't want him pulling me off. I just killed my own horse. For facts sake, I killed him, and then I turned around to get on my horse, but I was still swinging. Can someone else give me their horse, please? You? Yeah, that'll do. Thank you so much. All right, go, go, go. Yeah, he won't expect it. There we go. All right, I'm after him. Jesus, these horses are fast. I've got to stop taking carts everywhere. These are so much quicker. Jesus, it is dangerous though. Oh, I've already killed a woman. Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? He's got to be close. He's got to be close. There we go. Are we good? I don't want to go near him because he'll try and arrest me. There we go. I got him. Now back to those weirs. Yes, yes, of course. Oh no, no, no, kill me. Run away, run away, run away. Perfect. Good job. All right, back to base. Okay, I did what you asked of me today. Wait, I got like 200 gold. That wasn't too bad, and they have another mission for me. The French are making slime wine. What the hell is slime wine? I want some. I don't know what it is, but I want some. Honestly, any alcohol, I'm Irish. I can't help it. Ride to the lady of the lake. I don't know what I agreed to do, but I saw 250 gold, and I was like, yep, I'm in. Is that a mermaid? Oh no, it's just someone standing there. Okay. This is how you get pictures like the Loch Ness monster. You just take a picture, and it's all blurry of that, and you can convince anyone it's a mermaid. Wait, this guy over here behind the rock stole her clothes? Okay, I can do this. My mission is just kill the pervert. Sounds easy enough. All right, well now you're never getting away. There's like a pool of blood leading me to you. He's got an arrow sticking out of him. That scream? Wait, people in red robes came and took her. Why didn't you stop her? Wait, what? I skipped through the story. Why do I look like this? Why did we decide this was a good idea? I'm supposed to be baiting them to capture me? Look at me. I've got the sword and the shield and everything. There's no way they're going to fall for this. Just a girl looking for some fun. They love it. Okay, I'm in. Hey pretty lady. Oh you guys. What am I supposed to do here? Destroy the wine barrels. Oh my God, how am I supposed to do this? I could shoot that. Just wondering maybe if I got them all in this area I could blow them all up in one. Okay, I think if I attack this guy first. There we go. What? Oh, they just didn't react there for a second. I'm probably going to take in like three of them. All right, everyone gather. Gather here. The AI is confused what I'm up to. Oh God, I think I'm confused what I'm up to. Hold on. That did not explode. Okay, well that's my plan ruined. I don't suppose you decree to a ceasefire, would you? Just going to eat a pie and then I'm going to run around destroying the barrels instead. There we go. Got them all. I think the garrots heard me. Yeah, I think they may have heard you. I definitely wasn't supposed to attack them. Get on it. Don't just look at it. Oh, you're fucking Egypt. All right, I'm probably going to die. Let's just run. How far do you think they're willing to follow me into the forest? Okay, why are the garrots after me? Like all those knights are just chasing my poor person through the woods. You think you'd at least try and figure out what's going on? Oh my God, they want me dead. You, please. I need your carrot. Oh no. Oh no. What? Why am I stopped? Am I dying? I don't think I'm dying. A normal horse, perfect in the designated parking area. Oh my God, there's so many people trying to kill me. Don't get into the pimp your horse, please. No, no, no, stop hitting him. He's a gentle soul, you bastard. I'm going to get jailed. I'm going to get jailed. Everyone, okay. I'm not sure what happened there. The horse got slaughtered and I was kind of on it backwards and I just kind of straddled it. Oh wait, I'm home. Mom, help. I've taken the plowing horses now. I'm going to try and get this sprayed. Oh no, they're pulling me off. This is going horribly. Okay, we got this cat going there. Oh my God, it really worked. That was so stressful. Okay, now back to the nights and I bring fruit too. Here you are. That was so stressful. Oh, but I got money. That's the main thing. One step closer to the holy grail. I have 1,000 as well. 1,139, that's pretty good. In the olden times, that would buy you a few bitcoins already. Alright, I hope you enjoyed the video, folks. Let me know what you thought of the game. I thought this game was actually really good. I liked the humor in it, but thank you so much for watching. I appreciate you and I hope to see you tomorrow. Bye for now.