 The Kraft Foods Company presents the Great Gilder Sleeves. It's the Great Gilder Sleeves starring Harold Perry, brought to you by the Kraft Foods Company, makers of Parquet Margarine and a complete line of famous quality food products. Now let's join the Great Gilder Sleeves. Yesterday they arrived in his mail greetings from the collector of internal revenue, together with his 1945 income tax blanks. Instead of tossing them in a drawer there to ripen till March 15th, as anyone normally would, he sat right down and figured them out. Maybe that's why Gilder Sleeves slept like a baby last night, and why he's the first man downstairs this morning. Well, where is everybody? All out up there! Yoo-hoo! Everybody up! Come on, all hands on deck! I just happened to be feeling good this morning, Birdie. Did my whole income tax last night? Well, I'm glad you're feeling good. Yes, sir. When I feel good, Birdie, I tend to get hungry. What's for breakfast? Mr. Gilder Sleeves, that's a fair question. What do you mean? Well, sir, the milkman didn't leave no eggs this morning. He didn't hardly leave no milk. He didn't hardly leave nothing. Gee! I told him I said, I don't know why you bother to come around here tall. What did he say? He said, cause I'm so beautiful. I told him if his egg was half as precious as his tall, he wouldn't get so many complaints, and that's a fact. Well, do the best you can, Birdie, because I've got big things to do today, big things to do, and it's going to take plenty of fuel. Hey, Mr. Gilder Sleeves. Gee, you're early. Early? Not at all. I've been up for hours. Oh, well, let me hang up your coat for you. Oh, thanks. You know what I did last night, Bessie? I made out my income tax. I sat up at 1 o'clock doing it. Got the whole thing done and out of the way, two months ahead of time. Why, that's wonderful. I've never heard of anybody. Wonderful nothing. It's only common sense, Bessie. That's the way everything should be handled. That's the way this department should be handled. That's the way it's going to be handled in 1946. Yes, sir. Put nothing off. Do it now. Bing, bing. Make decisions. Take action. Clear the desk. That'll be our watchword for 1946, Bessie. Clear the desk for action. Well, if you really mean it, Mr. Gilder Sleeves. Of course I mean it. That's the official New Year's Resolution of the Summerfield Water Department. And I want you to hold me to it, Bessie. See that I do it. I want you to be tough with me. Make me toe the line. Bing, bing. Yes, sir. Well... That's what secretaries are for. To relieve executives of such details is... Tending to business. Well, if you don't mind me bringing it up again, Mr. Gilder Sleeves. There's quite a lot of things in your desk that have been there. Well, some of them since summer. That's just what I'm talking about, Bessie. People come in here. What kind of impression are they going to get? Why, anybody think this department was being run by a nincompoop? Yes, sir. You don't have to agree with me, Bessie. I like a girl who has opinions of her own. One who isn't afraid to disagree with me. I'll try, Mr. Gilder Sleeves. Now, what's the next move here? What's to be done? You're the secretary, Bessie. Give me my orders. Well, as I keep saying, there's all those papers on your desk. And really, if we don't do something about them... Papers on my desk, you say? Well, let's get at them. That's the way we do things around here, Bessie. Bing, bing. Let's go into my office. Yes, sir. I just got to get a bigger desk. That's all. Well, let's pitch in here. What's first on the list? What have we here, Bessie? I'm afraid it's another calendar. Huh? Indestructible life insurance company. I'm already up to my ears in life insurance. Up to my ears in calendars, too. I don't know why it is. We go for a whole year and nobody sends us a calendar. And then, all of a sudden, everybody sends us calendars. Yeah. Say, Indestructible life insurance company, Hobie R. Watson, general agent, Somerfield. So that's what became a Hobie. Last I heard, he had the Plymouth agency. I could use a Plymouth, but I certainly don't need any life insurance. Well, let's get going. Why don't you grab something, Mr. Joe Visage? What's that? It just fell out of the calendar. Oh, just a booklet. Are you the man we're looking for? Would you like a job offering the following advantages? Start at the top. Rapid advancement. Unlimited opportunity. Fascinating work. Valuable contacts. No office hours. Be your own boss. Retirement at 50. Hmm, who wouldn't? If you're a young man with these qualifications, apply to Indestructible life insurance. Sssh, hooey. Let's get down to work here, Betsy. What's first? Well, here's a letter from a man who claims, well, maybe you better read it. Huh? Citizens' Committee for Better Water Service. Never heard of it, but I'm against it already. Crockmorton P. Giller-Sleeve, Esquire, Department of Public Water, Summerfield. Sir. Hmm, I don't like that, sir. On behalf of the Citizens' Committee for Better Water Service, representing over 250 taxpayers in Summerfield, we... Hmm... It's a lie. Betsy, take a letter. Take 250 letters. A busy day today. What's that? What is that, buddy? Leroy tells me it's jungle noises. Jungle noises? What's that? Come on, Ben! Come home! Here it is! Boy, not in the house. Put down that gun. Maybe we better charge some other time, huh? Maybe we better charge some other time. You'll never win a battle that way. Ben, I didn't know you were here, my boy. Well... I'm here. Well, good evening. What are you doing with the mop? Oh... Bandets. Well, boys will be boys. Leroy, I mean. You're staying to supper, I hope. Well, I... Of course he's staying to supper. Oh, fine. Well, seems to me I've been staying to supper a lot lately. Glad to have you, Ben. Glad to have you, yes, sir. Can I sit next to Bennett's supper? We'll see, my boy. I think someone else might have something to say about that. Eh, Marjorie? Leroy's been simply monopolizing Ben all afternoon. I have not. Ben and me were playing Carlson's Raiders. Weren't we, Ben? Yeah, we were playing Raiders. What? I only showed him the first two. You want me to show you? Not at this time, Leroy. I need his arm to hang up my coat. Okay. Be the sentry. For heaven's sake, make Leroy lay off, Ben. He's been after him like this all afternoon. No. He's been all that lovey-dovey stuff, are you, Ben? The mission had better be postponed for tonight, Colonel Carlson. Suppose you go up and wash your hands for dinner. Ah, but now... Don't argue with your superiors. Your present mission is to go upstairs and wash your hands. Do you have your orders? Or, eh... art? Yes, yes. Well, let's go in and sit down, shall we? The dinner's ready. Sit down, Ben. Sit down. Thank you, sir. Have a hard day at the office, unki? It's been a busy day. Got a lot done, though. Cleaned up all my back correspondence. Told off a lot of people and cleared my desk right down to the blotter. Yes, sir, it's been bing-bing all day long. And last night, I stayed up at one o'clock, finishing my income tax. Did I tell you that? Over and over. Unki's been a regular fireball the last couple of days, Ben. I don't know what's come over him. It's because I gave up vegetables. Heh-heh. Ah, it's a good feeling. Feeling that you've accomplished something doesn't come very often. What have you two been doing? Oh, we've just been fooling around, haven't we, Ben? Yeah. Just fooling around. No, that's all right if you've got time for it. What are you planning to do now that you're out of the Navy? Do? Yes, for a living. Oh, I don't know, Mr. Jilder Slave, I... I guess I don't know. Well, surely you must have given some thought to your future after all those years you were in the Navy. You must have had some plan. What was it? I guess it was just to get out of the Navy. But what were you going to do after that? Well, I guess I thought I'd take it easy a few weeks and then look around sort of. I don't know. That's no way to do it, Ben, if you'll pardon my saying so. It doesn't pay to drift, my boy. You want to get right in there, take the bull by the horn, strike while the iron is hot. No, Uncle Mort, don't rush, Ben. He's earned a rest and I think he should take it. I'm sorry, my dear, but I'm telling Ben this for his own good. Business is business, you know. It's dog eat dog. Dog eat dog? Competition, my boy. Reconversion just around the corner. Flat irons, refrigerators. This isn't war anymore, this is business. Men are coming back every day. You get to get right in there and start punching if you don't want to get left. Well, gosh, I... But Ben doesn't know what he wants to do yet. Can't wait for that. The important thing is to get started. A man has obligations, my dear. Now, Ben, if everything goes well, you'll have a wife one of these days and children to support. Loved ones to provide for. Let's talk about something else, shall we? And speaking of loved ones, Ben, did you ever think of going into insurance? Well, almost a gill or sleeve. I guess I never did. What in the world would Ben do in insurance? Sell it. What does anybody do with insurance? Gosh, Mr. Gildersleeve, I'm afraid I wouldn't be good at selling things. That's nonsense. Just a question of getting your foot in the door. That's why I shoot you where. Uncle Morton, really? Insurance? I'm serious, my dear. I happen to know they're looking for young men like Ben. I'll tell you what you do, Ben. You get on to Hobie Watson's Indestructible Life and tell him I sent you. Well, Mr. Gildersleeve, I... Or better still, I'll write you a note. Well, that's awful nice of you, but... Don't thank me. Glad to do it, my boy. I'll always be happy to give a service man a lift. It's guilty, excuse me. Yes, Bertie? We got a duck for supper. You want a carb or you want me to rattle with it in the kitchen? Bring it on, Bertie. The duck doesn't live that I can't lick. Well, anybody else got any problems? I have Mr. Anthony tonight. Bing, bing. The great Gildersleeve will be back in a few moments. Do you mind if I barge in a few seconds, Mr. Lang? No, go right ahead. Well, the other day my wife asked me to pick up the groceries. As I went out the door, the last thing she said was, don't forget to pick up a pound of parquet. That doesn't surprise me because parquet margarine is a spread that's preferred by millions. Well, it happens that our food dealer was out of parquet, so I had to bring back something else. My wife didn't like it. Well, sometimes there isn't enough parquet to go around, but that's usually a temporary condition because Kraft is doing everything possible to keep dealers supplied with flavor-fresh parquet. Anyway, it was an interesting experience for me because it taught me that wives are pretty fussy about the spreads they serve to their families. Yes, that's right. Women all over the country have found that a sure way to satisfy family appetites is to serve parquet margarine, the spread that tastes so good on bread, toast, pancakes, and waffles. They know, too, that they can buy parquet margarine at just about half the price of costly spreads. So be sure to keep asking for delicious, economical parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y, parquet margarine, made by Kraft. Now let's rejoin the great Gildersleeve, who has continued busy for several days. Thanks to his friendly efforts, Ben Waterford has been duly sworn as an agent of the Indestructible Life Insurance Company and has commenced to learn the art of selling policies. But while Ben studies the theory from a handbook, Gildersleeve is scurrying around town finding live prospects. We pick him up now, for instance, at Mr. Peavey's pharmacy. Oh, Mr. Gildersleeve, what can I do for you this afternoon? Not a blessed thing, Peavey, not a thing. Just stopped in to pass the time of day. Maybe you would be interested in a sale we're having. It's a special on men's perfumes. No, thank you. Lots of nice odors. Pleasant and at the same time quite masculine. Chief of Police took a bottle of this the other day. Makes him smell like new moon hay. Well, the chief can douse himself with essence of hay, if he wants to. I will stick to soap and water. Need any soap? Not at the moment. Peavey, do you realize there's going to be a lot of ex-servicemen around here pretty soon? Not up in here already. What about it? There'll be more, but here's the point. Excuse me, Mr. Gildersleeve, telephone. Peavey's pharmacy? Oh, yes, Mrs. Ebersole, how have you been? Oh, I've been well, thank you. She's been well. Well, as usual, that is. Peavey, I'm... What's that, Mrs. Ebersole? Oil? Baby oil. My goodness, I didn't even know you're... I mean, I... Well, we don't recommend it for salad. Anything else? I see. Well, say hello to Mr. Ebersole for me. Peavey. I'll tell her, Mrs. Ebersole, thank you. Good night. Peavey, you waste enough time every day to make a fortune. Just common courtesy, Mr. Gildersleeve. What I was saying about the servicemen coming back... Yeah? Well, the point is, do you understand your responsibility toward these men? I think so. Just what is it you're after, Mr. Gildersleeve? I'm not after anything, not for myself. But now you take Ben Waterford, for instance. You're a fine boy. You bet your life he is. Are we going to let a young fellow like Ben save our country and then come back here and not be able to make a living? Sure, I hope not. But the fact is, Mr. Gildersleeve, I don't need anybody to help me here in the store. I couldn't... Oh, no, Peavey. I'm not asking you to give him a job. I've already got him one. Well, then, what shall we... Just listen a minute and I'll explain. The point is... Oh, Bert. Well, well, things are really rushing today. Peavey's pharmacy. They could snap me this time, will you, Peavey? And I'm Clotch. I'm sorry, Madam. Have you tried a hardware store? Have you tried a department store? A jewelry store, maybe. Tell her to try a hot shop. Have you tried a hot... A clock shop? Well, I'm sorry, Madam. I can't think of anything else except Beckman's drugstore. They have everything over there. Thank you for calling. Good day. Peavey, you don't know the first thing about running a business? I wouldn't say that. I thought you just came in here. Did it waste time, anyway? Well, I didn't. What I came in here for was to tell you that Ben Waterford is selling life insurance. Oh. Don't interrupt. He's selling life insurance and it's your duty as a citizen to give him a hearing. But, Mr. Jonathan... I gave him your name, Peavey. When he comes in, be patriotic. Because in times like... Don't you answer that. Let it ring. When Ben comes in, Peavey... Peavey's pharmacy. Oh, I give up. Goodbye, you money grubber. Sister, dear. Answer it with your Leroy. Play with me. Please, Leroy. I like that. Go on, Leroy. Answer the door. Oh, gosh. Leroy, take your homework and the study, please. Okay. See you later, Ben. Ben, sit down. How's the insurance going, my boy? Oh, I'm working pretty hard. That's the stuff. Did you see Mr. Peavey? Yes, sir. It's on this afternoon. Was he pleasant? Oh, yes, sir. He was very nice. I thought so. I went in there this morning and soft-soaked him. Of course, I'm a pretty important customer to Peavey. I get all my cigars there. I see. How big a policy did he buy? He didn't buy a policy. He didn't? Why not, for happen's sake? Well, he said he didn't want any. What'd you say? Nothing. I couldn't think of an answer to that. Ben, that's no way. You've got to force the sale. I'm afraid I'll never get the hang of it, Mr. Giller's leave. No, no, my boy. We mustn't be discouraged. When a man says he doesn't want any insurance, that's only the beginning. If you don't just give up, you stick around, make conversation, look for an opening. Well, I hung around for a while and made a little conversation. Oh, what happened? He saw me a bottle of perfume. That means you haven't sold anything yet in three days? No, sir. Not yet. That settles it. We're going to make a sale this evening. Right this evening. But Marge and I were... Marge, we will forgive you if you attend a business for an hour, so she'll respect you for it. But you can't sell insurance in the middle of the night. Nonsense. It's only $7.30. We'll go over and see Judge Hooker, sell him a policy, and you'll be back here by half past eight. But I don't think I know how to sell. Don't you worry, my boy, on this deal I'm going to help you. Oh, unexpected pleasure. Step right into the library and make yourselves comfortable. Thank you, Judge. Yeah, thanks. Care for a glass of K-lax water, either of you? I don't believe so. Ben? Oh, no, sir, I don't even drink beer. That's right. You know, Ben here is just out of the Navy. Yes, I understand you made a fine record. Excellent record. Is he any combat, Ben? No, sir. That's too bad. Well, I thought I was lucky. Oh, yes, yes. Well, how did you gentlemen happen to drop in on a lonesome old jurist this evening, if I may ask? Just find yourselves in the neighborhood? No, Mr. Gildersleeve thought I ought to... The fact is that Ben has a... Well, he has something he'd like to discuss with you. Well, I'm only too glad to do anything I can for a returning serviceman. Something legal, is it? Oh, it's perfectly legal. Ben misunderstood you, Horace. You see, although he's only been back in town a few days, he already has a job. Well, that's fine. Congratulations. Oh, thanks. Mr. Gildersleeve helped me get it. Good old Gildersleeve. People call him a blowhard, but his heart's in the right place, just saying. Good citizen, too. Thank you, Horace. What is it you're doing, Ben? Well, I'm supposed to sell life insurance. Oh. So that's it. Uh, Horace, I don't want you to think that, uh... That what? Well, I wouldn't want you to get a wrong impression about our little visit. Well, how could I possibly get a wrong impression? I assume that Ben here is here because he would like to sell me some life insurance. I sure would, Judge. Gildy, you could learn a lesson in frankness from our young friend here. If you didn't make such a habit of beating around the bush... I wasn't trying to cover up anything, Judge. I just didn't want Ben to start selling you a policy the minute we stepped in the door. That's no way. Well, suppose we let Ben sell it his way. Young man, do your worst. Thanks, Judge, and believe me, I'm the guy that can do it. Should I show him the folder now, Mr. Gillespie? Folder? Certainly. Okay. I got it here somewhere. Or at least I did have it. Maybe you left it in your other suit. Nope. Haven't got one. For heaven's sake, Ben, never mind the folder. Just tell the judge the gist of the thing. Oh, okay. Well, let's see. On the front of it, there's a picture of this lady and this little boy. And, uh... Shoot. She looks kind of sad. It's a nice picture. Now, don't try to describe the folder, Ben. Forget the folder. Just give the arguments why every man needs insurance. Oh, okay. Never mind Mr. Gillespie, Ben. He's never sold any insurance. You just go ahead and do it your own way. Okay. Well, the... the idea is that everybody ought to have insurance. Very good. Why? Well, for the... for the protection of his loved ones. Yes, yes. One never knows from which direction the sad blow may fall. A traffic accident, a sudden illness, an unexpected shock. Any of these might carry off the loving provider who's always seemed so strong and healthy. Are you in... Are you insured, Ben? No, what would I want it for? Ben, that's not the answer. Gildy, leave the boy alone. I'll see you here, Judge. We're not playing polar games. I'm interested in seeing Ben get a start in life. I want him to learn to do this thing right. Ben, they give you three main points, don't they? Yeah. Three main objectives. Now, what are they? Uh, get inside the door. No, never mind that. We're already in the door. Oh, well, and there's only two. Prove to the prospect he needs insurance and then prove he needs the kind you're selling. And get his deposit, he guards. Oh, yeah, that. That, yes. All right. Now, have you proved to the prospect he needs insurance? I guess so. I told him about the accidents and all. Let us consider that the need for insurance has been demonstrated. Continue. Well, the Indestructible puts out several policies. Here's the Ordinary Life Policy and there's a 20-payment combination of nudity and endowment and there's the Convertible Retroactive Policy with double indemnity. Just sell him Ordinary Life Policy and we'll be here all night. Well, the Ordinary Life Policy is just the Ordinary Policy. It provides maximum protection at minimum expense. The rates are low. Now, let's see. Starting at age... How old are you, Judge? Fifty-five. Oh, well, I got it right here in the table. Let's see. On a thousand-dollar policy, age 55... Who in the Dickens told you you could sell life insurance? Well, you did. Well, I ought to have my fat head examined. Anybody ought to be able to sell insurance. Insurance is a real need. Now, Judge, with a small down payment, you can buy your family the protection they deserve. I dare say the only thing is I haven't any family. You must have some. Well, I've got three distant cousins, all older than myself and all as rich as creases. But now, Mr. Gildersley, then, he's a family man. Of course. A niece and a nephew, the apples of his eye. You wouldn't want to have Leroy and Marjorie left without protection, would you, Gildy? I don't think you should, Mr. Gildersley. You stay out of this. You said yourself, Gildy, that... Well, there's no reason to do it now. I'm perfectly healthy. We never know from which direction the sad blow may fall. Got an application blank there, Ben? Sure, here. Oh, thank you. And don't forget, Ben, get his deposit. You old goat. Why don't I learn to mind my own business? Here from the great Gildersley again in just a moment. Your menu for breakfast may change from day to day because all of us like variety and foods. But whether you have toast, sweet rolls, pancakes or waffles, it's the spread that makes them taste extra good. I expect that's why millions of American families prefer parquet marjoram because on any breakfast menu or meal where hot bread...breads are served, parquet's fresh dairy-like flavor is still unmatched. It's the expert way that Kraft blends selected, refined vegetable oils and fresh pasteurized milk from the farmlands of America that makes parquet marjoram taste so good. And, of course, it adds important nourishment to your family's daily diet because it helps provide food energy and essential vitamin A. So for a quality spread, serve your family parquet. P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet marjoram. Made by Kraft. All right, my boy, come here and sit down a minute. I want to show you something your old uncle has done for you. Yeah. You see this? What is it? That, my boy, is a life insurance policy. It's worth $10,000. $5,000 to you, see, here's your name, and $5,000 to Marjorie. Now, what do you think of that? $5,000? Yes, sir, $5,000. Gee, that's swell, Uncle. When do I get it? Let us hope it won't be for a long, long time. Oh. Well, can I have a quarter now? No, now get out of here. Good night, everybody. The Great Gilder Sleeve is played by Harold Perry. It is written by John Whedon and Sam Moore. The music is by Jack Meakin. This is John Lang speaking for the Kraft Foods Company and inviting you to listen in again next week for the further adventures of The Great Gilder Sleeve. Ladies, why let meals get dull when it's so easy to liven up the flavor of foods with tangy, golden, Kraft salad mustard? You can blend this cream, smooth salad mustard right into cooked foods, spread it on sandwich meats for lip smacking flavor, or use Kraft salad mustard and gravies, relishes, and barbecue sauce for extra flavor zest. Also, be sure to try the sharper Kraft mustard with nippy horseradish added for frankfurters and sauces for fish. Get both kinds, Kraft salad mustard and Kraft horseradish mustard on your next shopping trip. NBC, The National Broadcasting...