 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the heart. I'm Jonathan as I have Jonathan as I comment I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. It's my Saturday morning. Oh, it's our topic is about codependency Okay I'm really quickly If you're new to my YouTube channel hit the subscribe button hit the bell And by the way, these are my Saturday morning videos Just like the videos I shoot in my private group called midlife love mastery where I shoot three videos a week based on the Questions you ask. So if you join the group today, there's a link below to join my VIP group when you post questions the group I actually shoot videos based on the questions you ask. Okay, so that's midlife love mastery. All right our topic We're going to talk about codependency because this is something very important to me Let me say important to me something that I've struggled with my entire life is I am a recovering codependent And what's so fascinating this video is going to be launched the day after Christmas and Why I share this with you is that I'm gonna be alone for the holidays. I'm alone right now and And and that's hard for codependent. That's so hard for a go-to-part and codependent. I actually have that I Literally was raised with that feeling of I need you to love me for me to feel good about myself I need you to love me to for me to feel good about myself And this is something that has been so deeply rooted in my life. In other words, I need others so I can feel like I can exist and I literally for my entire life I've been chasing love and I've chased love from a very Needy and anxious place from a very needy and anxious place I think codependents are oftentimes tend to be more anxious than avoidant in Their love attachment style now. I'm not saying that as an absolute because I'm not an absolute professional This is just my perception on it and if you're not familiar with attachment style I highly recommend checking out the book attached attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller I'm also I'm so used to talking about Amir Levine But attachment style and so in particular anxious attachment styles very needy and and I've been there I know what this feels like to be absolutely needy In fact, my default is neediness even though I've moved into secure and by the way those three attachment styles are Anxious avoidant and secure and then there's also a couple variations for each one so So why I'm sharing all this with you is I've had to so I was in a significant relationship that ended about three years ago And I recognize that for the longest time I operate it from that place as I shared before I need you to love me for me to feel good about myself And so these past three years have just been me devoting on me devoting on loving myself devoting that attention into getting into the best relationship for myself and During the last three years. I've gone through hell I lost my mother in the winter of 2017. I lost my son Connor in the summer of 2018 my father decided to move back to his home country of Europe, and I may never see him again I literally lost three fourths of my family Or three sevenths of my blood family all inside of one year That required me to do a deep dive inward It didn't require me It was an invitation to do a deep dive in burden for those who know me know that might win losing my son And this is hard during the holidays. This is really hard. This is one of his favorite things was to you know all he talked he talked about Christmas in July and And so I say it's hard, but it's also a great opportunity to learn to love on myself He was the inspiration for my book. What the heck is self-love anyway? What the heck is self-love anyway? By the way, I want to show the back cover And that's me right there He was the inspiration for this book and the inspiration But he inspired me from the sense of my invitation for you is for you to love on yourself Because that's what codependently needs need to turn that inward into loving oneself Look at my mug today Love yourself love yourself and in honor of the day after Christmas. I've got my Willy Wonka shirt And I'm wearing this because it's a present it's a it's candy the day after Christmas That's the way we should be experiencing it I say should be that's how I'm going to do my best to experience it from that place of joy that place of loving on myself but to shift from Codependency requires this and I love the book by Joe dispens a call breaking the habit of being yourself Breaking the habit of being yourself If you're a codependent, then it's time to break that habit. It's time to shift and This is why inner work inner work is the salvation. It's the self-love is the antidote To chaos to emotional chaos in life and that's why when I wrote my book It's an invitation to do personal development self-help and spiritual work Which is why I recommend so many books I know some of you are just going Jonathan my library is stacking up with books books books books books And I'm like yes for $15 Once a month for $15 you can change your life. I want you to think about this You can hire all those, you know other coaches and spend five six ten twenty thousand dollars to hope to find the love of your life when the love of your life is staring at you and right in the mirror right now and when that's the invitation is I want you to find the love of your life and so for $15 a month for $180 in one year You can find that love of your life by reading all the books I recommend another great book by Brene Brown the gifts of imperfection Codependencies we feel like we're really fucked up And this feeling of imperfection and when we can shift from recognizing that we are these beautiful loving human beings You are a beautiful loving human being and yet we're riddled with stuff Yeah, we are and I want to peel that away for you I want to invite you to peel all that stuff away that angst that frustration that need for Someone else to love you for few to feel good of yourself for yourself. Is this sinking in is this sinking in? Please post a comment if this thinking it if you like my shirt, please tell me about it If you like the mug, please tell me about it love yourself. I want you to buy a mug that says love yourself. I Want you to start shifting that's my invitation because this desire that we need romantic love to feel good about ourselves and I and I love what Esther Perel says The quality of our relationships Determine the quality of our lives the quality of our relationships Determine the quality of our lives and here's the most important relationship is with you is with you And you can shift this codependency you can shift you can be a recovering codependent like me and I I get it I'm there. I understand it's Incredibly painful to feel the need for someone else to love us to feel good about ourselves and yet When we can find that space in loving ourselves we can navigate some of the most Horrific things in our lives and you all know I've suffered deeply especially with losing Connor And I'm able to navigate it kind of Okay, okay, and I do believe it's the personal development self-help and spiritual work that got me there Are you going to do that for me? Please please please please please? Hey, if you have a comment or question Please post it below. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this video if this resonated with you if I helped I do my best to read all the questions if you'd like some support might now I'm going to sell you I am a coach my coaching expertise is helping you learn how to vet for emotionally available men for the guys that You don't want the old Jonathan you want someone like where I'm at right now And there was a lot of work that got there and my invitation is for you to find those guys And if you need help check out the link to a free discovery call See if working with the coaches right for you. All right. I'm going to wrap up this Saturday morning video And again, this is just like my Videos in my private group called midlife love master I'm going to wrap it up as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear a hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone or a pet or a pillow or even a teddy bear and give it a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives I want to thank you so much and wishing you a super duper wonderful fantastic day. Bye. Bye now