 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan assay of Jonathan assay.com And I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today our topic the five signs He only wants to sleep with you and he really doesn't want anything more and number five screams run away All right really quickly if you're brand new to my YouTube channel Please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you could be notified of new videos And if anytime during this video the content resonates with you Please hit that like button so I could be seen in the YouTube algorithms really quickly my coaching is what I call heart Centered radical honesty. It's direct a little tough love and a lot of heart and occasionally I use Explosives to enhance a sentence. So if I f-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea I suggest logging off right now Lastly these are my thoughts my perceptions my opinions by no means do I suggest this is the truth? You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian So my advice goes against the grain and my hope is I can shift your perspective a little bit All right, let's jump into those signs of the guy is only interested in sleeping with you and doesn't want something more All right really quickly my audience is predominantly midlife Which is after baby making years and before retirement So most of my clients are between the age of 40 and 69 although I do work with younger women on occasion which is great to get people started earlier But why I'm bringing this up is the significant percentage of people in midlife are divorced roughly about and this is anecdotal But roughly about 75% of singles Actively in the dating market over 45 years old or divorced and with divorce people come To the table with a lot of luggage a lot of baggage a lot of issues a lot of stuff and the reality is is the vast majority of men and women are Seeking connection and they're seeking sex, but they're not necessarily seeking anything deeper or let me reframe that They might believe that they're seeking something deeper They may not be capable of something deeper and this is true of women just as much as men Okay, just because women want relationship more than men doesn't necessarily make them any more capable of being in a healthy happy Relationship now. Here's the reality of things men Biologically are driven by our sex drive. I'm gonna repeat that biologically speaking We are driven by our sex drive. In fact, you might have heard the phrase men fine love through sex and Women give sex to fine love Now I'm not suggesting this is a healthy narrative It just happens to be the predominant narrative and it's relatively true for most people now when men are in their 20s and 30s their sex drive is amped up So when you've heard that men are hunters and they love the chase well, that might be true if they're chasing sex Okay, that may not necessarily mean that they men are hunting. I want a relationship. I want a relationship It's not necessarily what they're hunting and here's the thing about midlife There is a ship because as a man's testosterone levels begin to drop his estrogen levels increase And he's actually in many cases see seeking a deeper connection the challenges They may be struggling on the inside to actually achieve that And this is one of the reasons why as I will share in a few minutes those five Signs to determine if he's only interested in sex with you or sleeping with you versus something deeper You can be able to Hopefully pick up on these clues much sooner rather than later And you avoid yourself a lot of heartache now Here's the thing one or two or even three of the things might that I suggest today might not necessarily make it an Absolute that they are only in it for the sex or sleeping with you However, if you begin to notice a pattern in a couple of these areas, there's a good chance This is the case so I invite you to sit back listen in and see if this as I said earlier Resonates with you and again hit that like button if it does. All right, I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses Here's my notes The five signs he only wants to sleep with you in five screams run run run Okay, so first and foremost is after the initial date or the initial Conquest if you will His behavior begins to change in the area. He doesn't seem as Inquisitive about your life. I'm gonna repeat that he doesn't seem very inquisitive about your life after the initial Stages of the first second third fourth fifth date, you know once once we kind of hooked you a little bit You know, we've demonstrated that we might be able to listen and I say might Because that's not always the case for most men But in the initial stages as Chris rock often says date humans date as the ambassador of them best selves Let me repeat that as the ambassador of them best of their best self So after that initial stage, you might notice a decline in his Curiosity about who you are. He's not really asking deeper questions. In fact, the conversation becomes relatively Surface, I'm repeat that the conversation Begins to be surface and yet you're continually having sex with one another and yet It's mostly a surface level conversations between the two of you and there isn't any greater depth There's a good chance when that happens That he might only be in it for the sex So and he doesn't talk too much about himself after the initial stage So a lot of guys come on strong with their bravado Talking about themselves trying to impress you and then after that they actually withdraw Communicating a bit about themselves and they withdraw Communicating or learning more about you. I'm sure some of you have experienced this I know I've experienced that in my life as well And that might be an indicator that they're only in it for the short term Especially once they've had the conquest if you will of being intimate with you Okay, number two now. This is in contrast to what we just heard. He leads with his Dysfunctionality he leads with his dysfunctionality after The initial stage that I'm talking about so what I mean about that is as a way to connect with you emotionally He might be vulnerable sharing problem after problem after problem after problem and he's all he's talking all about himself and he's not again not Inquiring much about you. He's not really he's not wanting to find out what's for lack of a better word wrong in your life Not that there should be about wrong, but he's leading with his Dysfunctionality and he could care less about the problems in your life if he could care less about the problems in your life There's a good change again This is a dynamic where you're having sex with each other on a regular basis. He might only be in it for the short term Oops in this case, and I'm gonna spilt all my drink on me. By the way, my coffee mug says love yourself love yourself And I just spilled all over myself Actually, it looks like I peed all over myself. Please forgive me. All right number three number three He doesn't want to spend long periods of time with you Let me repeat that he doesn't want to spend long periods of time with you So it's usually when men are only in it for the sex. They're really in and out very quickly They don't oftentimes want to spend the weekends with you They don't want to spend long periods of time with you It's usually very less than 24 hours in many cases. That's less than five hours of wanting to spend time And in addition another clue might be is He might not even invite you to his home. He's not inviting you into his life So he doesn't want to spend much time with you other than the time being sexually intimate with one another I am sure you've experienced this in your life before I've heard this over and over from women that I've coached over the years that they've experienced men that have Give very little bit of time To the relationship now some of you might be thinking well I'm in a long-distance relationship where they do spend a fair amount of time with you During those and you know your time together, but then keep in mind long-distance can experience these same things where the Communication starts to drop. He's leading with his dysfunctionality. He's not really being inquisitive about what's going on in your life These are some signs that he's only in it for the short run and he's only in it for the sex Okay, so he doesn't really want to spend long periods of time with you That's a good sign that it might be a short-lived relationship and a long-lived relationship Okay, number four He avoids communication with you So when you send text messages when you call he takes a long time to respond he's not a quick Responder to communication and he doesn't initiate communication and if he does it's very short-lived You know, it's kind of like one of those text messages How are you doing? How's your day? How are you doing? How's your day? How's your day going? Is your day going good? Hope your day is going good. It's very I mean think about it. That's like the predominant narrative for people How's your day going? What's your day like? Are you having a good day? That seems to be the predominant communication just in general for human beings But certainly in the dating mating or relating realm that tends to be a very significant one when he when he's not Like I said wanting to get to know you at a deeper level he leads with his Dysfunctionality he doesn't want to spend long periods of time with you There's a good chance that if the communication is very short Kurt or even avoidance and not to suggest they avoid the communication But they take a long time to respond to your communication that could be a good sign He's only in it for the short run and not the long term and Number five and this is the most critical piece folks He's not progressing progressing the relationship to a level of commitment. I'm repeat that He's not progressing the relationship to a level of commitments Okay, in other words How do I describe this? You know, he's not making long-term plans with you He's not even making short-term plans with you. It's literally it's in the moment Is his level of communication and in the moment his level of interest of being in a relationship with you now I know a lot of you hear this where people say I want a relationship But you know what's so funny about human beings and women are no better at this as well because I talked to women Habitually in my coaching program. By the way, check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with The coach is right for you. I work with women continually who say I know what I want a relationship and Then I interview them for my coaching program and then I have them go through my proprietary program And you know what they say after they've gone through my program they go, oh my god Why didn't they teach me this in school? Why didn't my parents teach me this? Why didn't I learn this before I dated that knucklehead? What I'm here to say is you ladies are just as bad at trying to understand what a relationship is because you the words Relationship can mean so many different things to so many different people This is why if you follow my work and you hear the way I describe my standard of what I'm looking for in a relationship I continually say the following I'm looking for a relationship where we spend three or four days a night a week together doing shared activities Hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together Intimacy or teamwork group a building skills both in our personal and our professional life and intimacy Which is both emotional and physical intimacy that leads to either get living together or getting married So that's the standard of what a relationship looks like for me That's what commitment looks like for me and I invite you all to start to decide What that looks like for you and every one of you are in a different place in your life So it may not look the same. So the word relationship can look like so many different things to so many different people and It could be different, you know, you could say I'm looking for a relationship A guy says I'm looking for a relationship and you think you're on the same page But he's thinking Apple and you're thinking, you know, strawberry sorbet, you know, it's not even it's not even a fruit You're thinking ice cream and he's thinking fruit, you know So I invite you to go deeper and again as I said before one of the things I teach in my private coaching is to design Questions personalized to you so you can go deeper than the surface of how's your day going? Is your day going good? I hope your day is going good because I got to tell you something folks This tends to be the predominant narrative for both men and women alike in the dating realm And this is one of the reasons why so many people are experiencing a casual relationship and on oftentimes It's strictly a friends with benefits relationship, but you don't even know about it So if you want to shift the narrative start asking better questions And if you follow my work, you know, I talk about this frequently Before the penis goes inside the vagina purchase two copies of the book eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman This is the book to help you get to determine if the two of you are a good fit for one another So folks stop fucking around and start being more intentional because the reason why he's only in it for the short run It's because you're allowing him to be in it for the short run And again when you become more intentional and actually when you begin to love on yourself And if you're not familiar with my book what the heck is self-love anyway, there's a link below to all my recommended books You're gonna shift your narrative You're gonna shift your perspective and you're gonna start seeing relationships in a whole different life And this book is a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work to shift your emotional Well-being so you can actually attract in a great relationship in your life Okay, so just to recap after the initial date He doesn't really learn much about you and he doesn't share much about himself number two He leads with his dysfunctionality and problems and he's not interested in any of your problems number four He doesn't want to spend long periods of time with you number five. He avoids communication He delays communication or his communication is very curt or short and lastly He's not progressing the relationship forward and those are some signs that the relationship is only in it for the short run Which is oftentimes in it for the sex and not something deeper and if you follow my work You know, I'm all about going deeper into partnership Instead of passive like most people are dating today and what I mean to say is not just partnership But being intentional about the dating process by being radically honest sooner rather than later Alright, this would be a great place to start our Q&A So if you know my work if you're on the live stream right now There's a chat box right there post the word write the word question post a question there after If you have a question for me, also, you can purchase a super sticker or super chat Those who know that the funds from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund I've created in my in the name of my son Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there and there That's my son who passed away a few years ago and in his name I've created a scholarship fund to help the defray the cost of personal development and to Donate to personal development causes that are really near and dear to me So again all the funds from the super sticker super chat. It's in the chat box You can if you're listening to the audio you can't get it and you go from there All right, let's see what we have in the Q&A board So post the word question and write your question there after and we're gonna get started Otherwise, this is gonna be a short-lived live stream. Let's see what we have here Alisa says What does it mean when a man introduces you introduces his new girlfriend to his fans on web page in the third person? Let's say his name is Mike and says yes, Mike has a girlfriend Huh, I'm not Alisa. I'm not really sure exactly what you mean. So In the third person, yes, Mike has a oh, okay. Well, I think It's just his style of communication. Maybe that's just his way of communicating I don't I really don't know from a behavioral perspective. What else might be going on there. Oh My other thought is sometimes We're a little reluctant to post things on social media because God forbid if it doesn't work out, you know I don't listen how many times folks how many times have you seen people that you know vomit their Relationship on social media that they just started and three weeks later You're like, how come all the pictures of you and your boyfriend are gone I mean, I see this happen a lot. So, you know, it's kind of an interesting thing that happens out there I'm just gonna say that's probably my guess in this particular case. So Maybe there's something else up if that's all I can think of. All right Thank you for your question. I really appreciate it All right, if you have a question post the word question and write your question thereafter Or we're gonna be wrapping up really soon today MJ says you described my situation and ship I need to move on happy to hear that I've helped you Identify what this is all about All right, looks like we have a bashful group tonight So again, if you have a question post the word question and then write the question there after so it's easy for me to find But if we have a bashful group, we're gonna be wrapping up in just a few minutes unless we get some questions in the group Maybe I should write in a question Maybe there's