 CBS presents Our Miss Brooks, starring Eve Arden. Our Miss Brooks is an English teacher at Madison High School. She can tell you everything you need to know about the present and past subjunctive, but she's not at all sure about the future. That is her romantic future with biology teacher Philip Boynton. Like most men of science, Mr. Boynton is quite modest and reticent, especially when it comes to women. Well, this of course is in reality. But in the dreams of Connie Brooks, he's sometimes quite another fellow. Listen. Decided to throw caution to the winds. May I call you Constance? Of course. Thank you, darling. Darling, with a little encouragement, this lad will do all right. You're so lovely, so beautiful, so alluring. So why are you standing so far away? Is this better? Oh much. You're only ten feet away now. If I get any closer, I'm liable to kiss you. Please, dear, you're standing on my foot. Oh, my darling, when you're close to me like this, I feel enchanted. I seem to hear a little angel singing in my ear. Huh? What's that? Oh, fine. My little angel turns out to be Big Ben. So quiet, you little green butcher. Come in. Oh, yes, darn it. How are you this morning, Mrs. Davis? Oh, fine, dear. My you must have had a very exciting dream. Aren't you warm with all those covers wrapped around you? Oh, I didn't notice them. Pardon me while I unravel. Certainly, dear. And while you're at it, you might as well unpucker too. I brought you a little breakfast snack upon this tray, Tony. It's a brand new recipe I've just discovered. Oh, that's very considerate of you, Mrs. Davis, but I'd rather not try any of your new recipes for breakfast. The last one, as I recall, was Peruvian Sprats fried in garlic salt and almond paste. Oh, you love this little dish. It's a sort of a cereal. I got so tired of the ones that crackle and pop in your plate. This one's real quiet. Oh, what is it, Mrs. Davis? Boiled pine needles. Boiled pine needles? Yes. First, I boil all the tar and rosin out of them. Why? That's the best part. Then I place them in extra heavy cream and coat them with powdered sugar. Oh, look at those slender, graceful needles lying there. They just seem to be sighing and whispering to each other. This is the sneakiest bowl of cereal I ever saw. Oh, no thanks, Mrs. Davis. I've got to get ready for school. Walter Denton's picking me up in his car this morning. Why, Connie, is your car in the shop again? Yes, Mrs. Davis. I dented my radiator pretty badly the other day. I got a ticket, too, for passing a car on the left. But that's not illegal passing a car on the left. That's when the car is approaching you. Oh, I'm certainly enjoying this ride, Walter. It's a beautiful day. Oh, it sure is, Miss Brooks. Notice anything different about the car? The car? Oh, yes, the top is down, but... Walter, this wasn't the convertible. It was a club coop with a hard top. Sure. Well, what did you do? Take the top off? Oh, I didn't have to. It fell off. 12 of us went for a ride the other night. That's when it happened. Oh, but that isn't safe, Walter. You shouldn't put 12 people in one car. Oh, they weren't all in the car, Miss Brooks. Six of them were on top. That's why it caved in, I guess. I guess. I hope nobody was hurt, Walter. No. No, fortunately, there were all girls inside, and they're pretty soft. The exception of girl softball players, you're right. Was Harriet Conklin with you that night? Oh, sure. I haven't been able to get rid of her for a month. She says she's in love with me. Love. It's either cynicism or signless trouble. What's the matter with Harriet Conklin, Walter? Why don't you like her? Well, outside of her being the principal's daughter, there's nothing to matter with her, but she's always chasing me. It must be hero worship. Well, look, modest one, if I may make a suggestion, why don't you change your attitude, kindly, but firm? In other words, make her realize that your association is strictly platonic. You mean like you and Mr. Boynton? Oh. And without an anesthetic, too. I'm sorry, Miss Brooks. I know you're sort of fond of him, but he always seems so interested in his white mice and frogs and stuff. Gee, I like Mr. Boynton personally, but if you'll pardon my saying so, Miss Brooks, I think in certain matters he's real square. Where's Harriet's house, Miss Brooks? Will you excuse me a minute? I've got to take her to school, too. Her dad left earlier than usual this morning, so she's without a ride. Go right ahead, Walter. Okay, Harriet. It's Miss Brooks, Mrs. Conklin. Miss Brooks! That's what we schoolteachers need, publicity. All right, Mrs. Conklin. We'll wait for you in the car. Okay, Harriet. Hello, Miss Brooks. Hello, Mrs. Conklin. What is it you wanted to tell me? Well, I've noticed how hard you've been working during the summer session, and I think a little vacation would do you a lot of good. Yes, I suppose it would, but... Mr. Conklin and I have a summer cottage up at Crystal Lake. Now, tomorrow, Saturday, is our anniversary, and I think it would be nice if you would come up to help us celebrate it. I won't say a word about it to Mr. Conklin. We'll surprise him. Could you come? Well, I really don't know, Mrs. Conklin. You see, I have a date with Mr. Boynton tomorrow. Oh, so much the better. Bring him along. You know, seeing how happy our married life is might give Mr. Boynton some ideas on the subject. Why, Mrs. Conklin, I don't know what you're driving at. Well, I've seen you look at Mr. Boynton, Miss Brooks, and when one woman sees another woman, look at a man the way you look at Mr. Boynton, Miss Brooks. That woman knows that the other woman is thinking thoughts about that man that a woman has thought about a man since men and women were created. From the picture, little man, you've had a busy woman. Mrs. Conklin, I am sort of fond of Mr. Boynton, but I don't want people to think that I... Oh, they will, anyway. So you might as well... you might as well land him. I'll tell you what, you and Mr. Boynton come up to Crystal Lake tomorrow afternoon, and you can be our house guests over the weekend. Oh, but Mrs. Conklin, maybe Mr. Conklin won't any house guests this weekend. Oh, don't worry about that, Miss Brooks. I'll handle Osgood. He'll be delighted to see you when I get through with him. And I'm sure the atmosphere will be extremely matrimonial. Mrs. Conklin, you just sold me. I'm having lunch with Mr. Boynton today, and I'll extend your very kind invitation to spend the weekend in your trap at Crystal Lake. I mean, cottage. Oh, fine. But don't breathe a word about it to Mr. Conklin. Oh, don't worry about that, Mrs. Conklin. While I'm at school, I breathe as few words as possible to Mr. Conklin. I like the food in the school cafeteria this year, Miss Brooks. About the same as last year, Mr. Boynton. At least this beef stew is the same as last year. In fact, that's when I think it was made. Oh, this chili is pretty good. Would you pass the ketchup, please? Oh, surely. I think the salt and pepper are over on your side, too. Salt and pepper on chili? I like things well-seasoned. Would you pass the horseradish, too, please? Here you are. Thank you. Now a little mustard, and I'm all set. For the coroner, you drink with your lunch, Mr. Boynton, a lit can of sternol? I'm afraid I have a cast-iron stomach, Miss Brooks. Really? Who helped you carry it to school? I've always liked hot dishes, Miss Brooks. I think spicy things enhance a meal tremendously. That goes for living, too, doesn't it, Mr. Boynton? What do you mean, Miss Brooks? Mr. Boynton, instead of our usual Saturday night date, how would you like to go away and spend a weekend together? You've got chili all over your red tie. I'm wearing a blue tie. It's red now. I didn't mean to shock you like that, Mr. Boynton. I just thought it would be nice to get away for a while, say, up to Crystal Lake. But, but, but, but... Check your motorboat, Mr. Mrs. Conklin has invited us up to their summer cottage, and she wants us to help them celebrate. Well, I wouldn't want to deprive you of any fun, Miss Brooks, but... Good. What time will you pick me up tomorrow? Well, I guess I might as well be a good sport. I'll call for you at ten o'clock. Fine. Pardon me, Miss Brooks, Mr. Boynton. Oh, hello, Mr. Conklin. At ease. On your way back to class, Miss Brooks, I'd like you to stop in my office for a moment. There's something I'd like to discuss with you. Certainly, Mr. Conklin. I'll be there in about ten minutes. Very well. As you were. You'd never know Mr. Conklin spent some time in the army, would you? Mr. Conklin was a major in the last war, Mr. Boynton. He served for five years. Was that so? In what theatre? Low State. He sold war bonds in the lobby. Of course, from the shape of his head, I could have sworn he spent some time in the Pentagon building. I don't know what he wants to see me about. Well, maybe it's that promotion to the head of English department you've been hoping for. Yes, or he might have reconsidered about giving me a couple of weeks off with pay. Or maybe the raise that's due me next season is going to be made retroactive to include the summer session. Or maybe he's just going to do what he always does, hit me across the back of the neck with a bag of hot stones. You wanted to see me, Mr. Conklin? Oh, yes. Here's come in, Miss Brooks. Sit down, won't you? Now, I have no desire to pry into the personal lives of any of my teachers. Good for you, Mr. Conklin. I always say that a person... However, I've noticed that lately you're spending quite a bit of time both in and out of school with Mr. Phillip Boynton. People are beginning to talk. What people, Mr. Conklin? Well, members of the school board. They're still considering you as a possible new head of the English department. You know how they feel about fraternization among the faculty at Madison, Miss Brooks. And I... Well, it would be different if you were married or even engaged to Mr. Boynton. But, Mr. Conklin, how can one ever get engaged if one doesn't fraternize with one or one more than one if necessary to find the right one? That is your problem, Miss Brooks. Now, I'm not asking you to stop seeing Mr. Boynton completely, but I do wish you'd think twice about your public meetings. Maybe you could, uh... Find a hideaway? Miss Brooks, that's not what I had in mind at all. Me either, but don't knock it until you've tried it. My anniversary is tomorrow, and I'm going to surprise Mrs. Conklin with a little trip to Crystal Lake. We have a cottage there, you know. Yes, I know. And if I could feel that your conduct over the weekend was above reproach, well, I'd enjoy my little vacation that much more. Oh, don't worry about Mr. Boynton and myself, Mr. Conklin. Believe me, you won't hear a thing about us. I was good. I've got a surprise for you. Well, now that's a peculiar coincidence. I've got a surprise for you. You have? What is it? Now, watch yours. Well, I thought it would be nice if we spent our anniversary in the cottage at Crystal Lake. Oh. Oh, what do you say out good? Shall we get away from it all this weekend? Yes, not a bad idea. Oh, good. I know we'll have a grand time, dear. Now, watch your surprise. My surprise? Well, I thought it might be a good idea to spend our anniversary at Crystal Lake. Oh, well, I ask good. That's a wonderful idea. Hello, Mom. Hi, Dad. Oh, hello, Harriet. Now, if you'll both sit still for a moment, I'll acquaint you with my rarest scheme of the season. I mean, this is rare. What's rare, dear? Tomorrow's your anniversary, right? That's right. Where do you think you're going to spend it? You'll never get so don't even try in our summer cottage at Crystal Lake. Crystal Lake? Why, by Harriet, that's a wonderful idea. Isn't it all good? It must be. Everybody's getting it. I'm certainly glad we didn't close this place up on Labor Day like we usually do. Oh, I knew you'd enjoy yourself here, Osgood. Now, just relax and smoke your pipe. I've got a little dusting to do. Hey, God, take a little nap. This hammock is very restful. Before you go, how about a little anniversary kiss, huh? Oh, but Osgood, it's only one o'clock in the afternoon. We weren't married until three. Oh, that's all right. Let's have a little preview. Osgood, I declare I don't know what comes over you when we come up here. It must be the mountain there. It must be. Come here, baby. No, no, nothing at all, Harriet. I was just about to salute your mother on her anniversary. That's as good a reason as any, I guess. Here's some wildflowers I picked for you both. Congratulations and many, many more happy anniversaries for all of us. Oh, thank you, Harriet. Now run along down to the lake, dear, your father wants to take a little nap. Okay, I'll see up our rowboats in shape. Don't forget we're going fishing this afternoon. Now you drop off to Steve Osgood, and I'll wake you in about an hour. Fine, fine. I'll get you a bag out of a trunk. Oh, thanks, Mr. Boynton. Gosh, that was a long drive, but here we are. Now, it's right up these porch steps, I believe. What is this? Who in the world? Miss Brooks. Mr. Boynton, what are you doing here? That's what I like about Crystal Lake, the hospitality. Motion about. Oh, it's you, Miss Brooks, and Mr. Boynton. I'm so glad you could come. Mother, did you invite... Oh, of course, dear. I asked Miss Brooks and Mr. Boynton to spend the weekend with us. That's one surprise I didn't tell you. Aren't you tickled? Yes. Well, then acted, Osgood. You certainly don't look tickled. Some people tickle easier than others. Well, maybe Mr. Cockland'd rather be alone. Oh, nonsense, Mr. Boynton. Osgood and I see as much of each other alone as we want to. We're already married, you know. Yes, I know. Congratulations on your anniversary. Oh, thank you, Mr. Boynton. I always say married life is give and take. Me too. You'd have given me a little warning. I wouldn't have let you take me here. Now, you two must be all hot and sticky from your drive up here. I hope you both have a bathing suit. For Mr. Cockland's sake, I hope we each have a bathing suit. Well, I'll show you where to change. Just follow me and we'll all get ready for a nice dip. I don't want to go for a dip. Oh, now, dear, we must do the things our guests want to do. Why? As a matter of fact, I'm afraid I don't have a suit with me. I forgot to pack it. Oh, that's all right, Mr. Boynton. I'll fix you up with one of Mr. Conkland's. I'll come along and you can nap for a few more minutes, Osgood. I'll take the folks in tow. Yes, do that. He sounds like he'd like you to tow us about three miles and then sink us. You just go right in here, Mr. Boynton. You'll find a bathing suit in the bottom drawer of that dresser. Well, thanks, Mrs. Conkland. Now, here's the guest room. You and my daughter Harriet are sharing it for the weekend. Oh, is Harriet here for your anniversary, too? Yes. Oh, she's so devoted. Been like a daughter to us. Well, that's a coincidence. Now, before I leave, you dear, I want you to know that I plan this weekend for your sake more than anybody's. So I want you to take advantage of it. Oh, that's really very kind of you, Mrs. Conkland. Remember, all you have to do is keep close to Mr. Conkland and myself. Then when Mr. Boynton sees how happy we are, I'm sure he'll start thinking of marriage as a jolly institution it is. Well, what do you say? Are you game? Looks like Mr. Boynton's the game, but I'll take a shot at him. Or it is. You know, I really do like the guy, Mrs. Conkland. I know you, dear, my dear. Now, one more thing. In addition to our example, I think you should show your domesticity as well. So tonight, I want you to cook the dinner. Me? Oh, definitely. What dish do you prepare best? Soup. What kind? Campbell's. I think something you cook yourself might make a better impression on Mr. Boynton. I know. You can barbecue some spare ribs for dinner. Now, get into your suit and I'll see you on the porch. Oh, isn't this fun? It's just like a fox hunt. Tally-ho and yikes. Tally-ho to you, Mrs. Conkland. And I hope we all don't make a bunch of yikes out of ourselves. Stop rocking the hammock, Martha. I'm getting seasick. Very well. Now, remember, Oz, good. We've got to make a good impression for Mr. Brooks, safe. I don't like it, Martha. I never did believe in this matchmaking business. Besides, I thought we'd be alone. At least part of the time. Confounded all this mountain air going to waste. It won't go to waste, dear. It's always tonight. Yes. Come here, baby. Remember what I used to call you when we were first married? Yeah. Call me it again, Martha. All right. Sugar cookie. Am I really your sugar cookie still? Well, your icing's a little whiter. Miss Brooks, where did you come from? Oh, hello, my. What a lovely bathing suit. One piece, isn't it? Yes, it is. Look at Miss Brooks' bathing suit, Oz. Good. That's long enough. Miss Brooks, be sure and tell Mr. Boynton you made the suit yourself. Men love practical women. Oh, hello there, everybody already? Oh, it's Mr. Fox. Mr. Boynton. Why, Mr. Conklin's suit fits you perfectly, Mr. Boynton. Don't you think so, Miss Brooks? Yes, it's very nice. Aren't the sleeves a little wide at the wrist? That is one of my older ones. That's quite a suit you have on, Miss Brooks. She made it herself, didn't you, dear? Yes, out of an old stocking and some pen wipers. Ron, let's go. Here we are. I'll help you up, Miss Brooks. Oh, thanks, Mr. Boynton. Oh, that was wonderful. Welcome aboard, folks. Oh, hello, Mr. Conklin. We didn't know you were out here. That's all right, my dear. Let's go take a boat ride, Miss Brooks. Oh, nonsense. Why should you leave the raft? Why shouldn't they? Mr. Boynton. Yes? Last one in is a sugar cookie. We've been walking along the shore for quite a ways, Mr. Boynton. Just where is this little pier where the man rents the boat? Oh, it's right up ahead, Miss Brooks. There are a lot of different kinds of small craft. Personally, I think that flat bottoms are the best. Oh, you do? Well, that's what's nice about America. You can think what you like. We're in the world to S-Y-H. S-Y-H? Spend your honeymoon. We're not married. We're just here to... Oh, not married, huh? Up here for a little P.S., private smudging. Just a minute. All you have to do is rent us a boat. Well, here's one right here with a small motor. Very nice. G-F-N. So we're not going to do anything of a sort. W-S-S. Who says so? B-T. Bashful type. Well, go ahead. Get in, Miss. Hey, hey, let me help you, Miss Brooks. There. We'll pay you when we come in, all right? Sure. Well, remember, Miss. P-Y-L-O-Y-H-H. Keep your line out. You hook him. S-L-H-T-R hit the road. How do you like the ride, Miss Brooks? Oh, it's very nice, Mr. Boynton. I think we'd better turn around now. Yeah. Hey, that's funny. The steering wheel seems to be stuck. It does? Isn't that a rowboat in that little cove we're heading for? A rowboat? Oh, yes, it is. I'd better cut the motor off where we're heading right for them. Oh. The ignition lever is stuck, too. Oh, my goodness. You've got to do something, Mr. Boynton. We're getting pretty close to that rowboat. Quick, Miss Brooks. Lie on the bottom of the boat. I can't stop it. No, thank heaven we just missed them. Oh, we're terribly sorry, folks. Oh, that's all right, Miss Brooks. We didn't really want to catch any fish here. Heading out in the open air. I'm sure that the spare ribs, Miss Brooks, barbecued will be delicious. Don't you think so, Ozgood? I think I should have made them. My barbecue. But, Mr. Boynton will enjoy them so much more because Miss Brooks did it, won't you, Mr. Boynton? Well, yes, I suppose I will. Here are our folks. I hope they turned out all right. I fixed a plate especially for you, Mr. Boynton. Thanks, Miss Brooks. Well, it's fall too, everyone. Oh, I bet they're delicious. Might as well taste it. What is this, anyway? No good. Tastes like charcoal. Did you do what I told you, dear? Barbecued the ribs slowly with a nice, smooth, glowing bed of coals. Certainly I had a lovely bed of glowing coals, right over the ribs. I'm going into the house and cook myself an egg. Wait, dear, I'll fix you something. You can't cook any better than she can. A bursary dinner. Yes, dear. Let's be careful. Oh, how we danced on the night. A bursary, my foot. I'm going inside. We danced and we danced, but she wouldn't drop dead. Wasn't that a nice snack? And just the two of us alone in the kitchen. Well, it was better than those barbecued rocks. Mother, if that poor Mr. Boynton falls for Miss Brooks, I think it'll be... Now, dear, we agreed to forget all about it. Let's go out and sit in the hammock together. The mountain air is still with us, you know, and it's quite dark on the porch. All right, ma'am. What's this? Who's that in the hammock? It's us, Daddy. Us? Harriet and me, Mr. Conklin. Happy anniversary. It's Walter Denton, Daddy. I got here while you were inside. This is the last straw. Now, calm down. I was good. Remember your blood pressure. It gives him kind of a purpley look, doesn't it? I've got to be calm. Let's go for a little stroll, Mother. Maybe we'll run into Mr. Boynton and Miss Brooks somewhere. I doubt it, Mr. Conklin. We're at the other end of the hammock. I'll be fine. Come, Mother. Let's go into our bedroom and go to sleep. Maybe when I wake up in the morning, we'll all be in bed. We can't go into our bedroom together, Osgoode. Now that Walter's here, Harriet and Miss Brooks, and I will have to use our room, you and Walter and Mr. Boynton will have to sleep in the guesthouse. What? Now this has gone far enough. I'm going to tell you people something. Before you do, Mr. Conklin, I'd like to ask you a question. What is it? How are my chances of being appointed head of the English department? You don't have to answer now. You can think it over and tell me right after I've blown my brains out. Our Miss Brooks, starring Eve Arden, is produced by Larry Burns, written and directed by Al Lois with music by Wilbur Hatch. Mr. Boynton was played by Jeff Chandler, Mr. Conklin by Gail Gordon. Others in tonight's cast were Jane Morgan, Dick Prenner, Gloria McMillan, Noreen Gammel and Dink Trout, Bob LeMond speaking for CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.