 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men. Now I'm Jonathan Asley of johnthasley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this short video for you today. Our topic, the six feminine traits men find irresistible. We're gonna talk about that in a second. Really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance a sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions, by no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian. So my advice goes contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations. All right, let's talk about those six feminine traits that men find irresistible. All right, so here's the thing. If you follow me, most of you know, I'm not a big fan of the whole masculine and feminine energy rhetoric for a variety of different reasons because I don't believe energy can be quantified in this sense of polarity within individuals. And what I mean to say is, I think if you're trying to find, if you happen to be a woman who's 80% feminine and you're trying to find a man who's 80% masculine, I just don't think that's even possible to try to line this up in some sense of polarity. So that's just an opinion I have with respects to masculine and feminine energy. In addition, a lot of advice that's geared around this rhetoric, by the way, is my live stream working because I'm noticing that the counter isn't going up. So I'm just checking in with you guys. Is this actually working? Please post a comment. Please post a comment. Let me know it's working. All right, really quickly. So coming back to this rhetoric, okay, good, is this idea that a woman needs to be in her feminine energy and a man is in her, his masculine energy. Okay, well, to me, masculine is doing and feminine is receiving, okay? But I don't think a woman could just sit there and be in receptive, receptive, receptive mode. Okay, it's just impossible. If the guy is sick, let's say you're dating someone and he happens to be sick, you're gonna have to be in your masculine, well, let me use it a different way. If let's say you're a mom, when you take care of your children, when they're sick, you're actually in masculine energy. But no, Jonathan, that's called femininity. No, it's just, remember, masculine is doing and then feminine is receiving. So I just wanna create some clarity around this language. So you might be wondering, why am I doing a topic about femininity or feminine traits? Well, it's because I do believe there's a difference between femininity and masculinity, okay? I'm not saying masculine energy or feminine energy. I'm saying femininity and masculinity. And a really easy way to look at this would be that femininity is soft and sexy and masculinity is strong and sexy, okay? That's the way I view it. It really simply, by the way, I think there's nothing sexier than a woman who gets dressed up in sexy outfits or is in that soft energy. That's femininity. And when a man gets dressed up in his nice suit and tie, that's masculinity. That's the way I look at it. I think we should, as men and women, be okay with wanting to emphasize our traditional expectations around gender. What I'm not a big fan of some of the traditional expectations around gender, which is very egoic. And a lot of egoic men are seeking feminine energy woman. But what that really means that feminine energy is that you're submissive, that you can easily be controlled, that you're overly agreeable, okay? I know a lot of people are talking about this idea that women need to be agreeable. Well, I think men need to be agreeable too. To be in a healthy relationship, it's good to mutually agree on things. Not to submit your boundaries. It's more, so that's why I'm tired of this whole masculine and feminine rhetoric because there's no way to quantify it. Wait, let me see. Today, I'm 72% masculine, I'm 28% feminine. No, I'm 97 masculine percent today, but I need to find a woman. Like, it fucking makes me wanna go blow up. Now, I'm all in favor for yin and yang terminology, yin and yang, but truthfully within ourselves we should find our yin and yang. Find that balance between being able to give and to be able to receive, to be able to do and to be able to receive. And by the way, ladies, a lot of times you're in this, you've been told like, let the man do, let the man do, and you just simply receive and lean back in your feminine energy because he's gonna cling to you. Yeah, when he's chasing sex, you might do that, but I don't think that's in your best interest either. That's just how I feel about it. So coming back to why am I doing this topic? Well, because I think there are some, and where's my notes? Oh, I think what's going on in our world today is an actual depressing lack of, there's basically what I heard this from a podcast today. She called it an intimacy famine we're in. We're in an intimacy famine. And what I mean to say is people are thirsty for intimacy. Into me you see, to really connect because, and I was listening to another podcast today, two different podcasts, they were talking about how literally up until about a hundred years ago, human beings predominantly had to worry about their basal needs being met. In other words, their need of those basic Maslow hierarchy needs of food, water, shelter. And that was their predominant experience was having to focus on that. And now we can go to a grocery store to get food. We can go to our tap to get water. And for the most part, most people have a roof over their heads, even homeless people have a tent. A lot of people, not all, but at least the tent city there seems to be. So we as human beings are spending more time in our head. So the wars we used to be to defend ourselves from others from a tribal perspective is now the war we're having in our head around our emotions. And sadly, because we no longer live in tribe type of environments, we don't have the people around us to support us from an emotional perspective, many of us are stuck in our heads all day long with our emotions. And what's happening particularly because of COVID, a lot of people are having a famine of intimacy, of real connection with human beings. And that's what I wanna draw attention to. And the problem is these devices have created a false sense of intimacy with a lot of people. And then there's this false sense of intimacy in relationship because of these devices. And God forbid, and I had this happen just this past weekend, a miscommunication via text messaging. And I'll be candid with you, I overreacted to a misunderstanding and boy, did it blow up from what could have been a potential opportunity to a completely imploding because these devices don't necessarily properly articulate what were, my thumbs aren't the best indicator of my level of communication. Look at my hands, my eyes, my facial expressions, my pheromones, they're all part of the equation. So you're kinda wondering why it's so difficult to connect with people because all we're left with is our devices. And it's making it very difficult to actually meet these days. Well, let me retract that. By the way, my copy mug says let's just keep swimming from Dory. I'll be doing that or from finding Nemo. So coming back to these devices, you know, while they create a great opportunity to connect to people that you wouldn't otherwise meet in your daily life, it's also creating a distressing lack of dependency on these devices. And as I said earlier, I don't think humans were prepared. You'll think about it, electricity is only a hundred years old, give or take. And, you know, jet flights is barely 50 or 60 years old and internet is barely a decade and a half old. I don't think we were prepared for this invasion of our lives the way it's literally permeated in our lives. When you think about it for thousands and thousands of years, there wasn't any of this. For thinking about, I think caveman, you know, the Anderthal goes back 200, 300,000 years. I don't know exactly someone could find out for me, but we were prepared for all of this technology and it's making it increasingly hard to connect at a heart-centered level with people. This is why if you wanna read an amazing book, I was listening, I gotta tell you, I was reading this earlier today or listening to it online. The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. I highly, highly recommend reading this book. It will change your life. It will change your life. And you may have to read it over and over again to get it. And you might have to buy it and then purchase the audio as well because it is like listening. It's like reading a book underwater, covered in molasses and swimming in spaghetti. It's that thick. I don't mean thick. I mean deep. It's like being in the Marianas trenches. And it's a lifesaver. It's a game changer, especially for learning how to, coming back to what my book is called, What the Heck Is Self-Love? Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Alp in Spiritual Work. And I'm saying all this, I know I haven't gotten to the point of this topic. I'm saying all this because folks, my job, my job as a coach is to, my profession is help you learn how to ask better questions in the early stage of dating. So you avoid going out with the wrong person and actually become a magnetic attractor for the right person. Check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. My other role here on my YouTube channel is to encourage, continually encourage personal development, personal development, personal development, personal development, self-help, self-help, self-help, spiritual work, spiritual work, spiritual work. Why? Because human beings are fucked up. And sadly, most humans have terrible relationship skills. If you follow my channel, you see my relationship chart. By the way, this is not a fact, it's an opinion, but I believe 20% of the human population, at least here in the United States, has real weak, they have clinical issues going on with them that affects their relationship and emotional maturity. And while I say there's 20% that are healthy, I'm being rather generous when I say 20%, most humans are dysfunctional. And you wonder why the divorce rate is 50% for most marriages. Second marriage is divorce rate, 65%. Third marriage is 75%. You would think you would be better after you've done it once. And think about those that are still married, half of them are miserable. They're going to couples counseling. And you know what happens at couples counseling? They're sitting there looking at the counselor going fix my partner. And the other person's looking at fix my partner. It starts with fixing yourself. Learning, read the books I recommend, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Roseberg, The Hoffman Process at the Buddha Dated, Mating and Captivity, Just to Name a Few, Getting the Love You Want by Harvelle Hendricks, Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Eller. And I highly recommend Reading Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? If it is, hit that like button right now or post a comment. Because my goal is to awaken most people up to doing something differently. So, what's irresistible to guys? One of those six things. You can mark it right now, 13 minutes and 20 seconds is when I get started. Well, I've got my trusty notes and I just wanna say this. Egoic-based men and women operate from a place of emotional fear, emotional fear. What I'm talking about in a few minutes or starting now for the next few minutes is what emotionally healthy people are seeking in both men and women alike. What I'm gonna share, the six traits is not feminine or masculine. It's not about penis or vagina. It's not male or female. These are the traits that make you irresistible whether you're a man or a woman. I know the title was to get you in but what you have to learn is what I'm gonna share is men gotta be doing this too. Okay, number one. And it's the biggest one of all. Kindness and appreciation. Kindness and appreciation. You know, I once had a first date some years back and I met her at a restaurant for drinks. Well, actually I thought it was drinks. She wanted dinner but she walked in with resting bitch face. I mean, if you've ever seen that, that smug kinda, I'm better than everyone look. And I mean, I saw it coming in. It was like the thickness of it was like permeating for 20 feet and there was a level of contempt on her face. And when she sat down at the bar, she goes, oh, I thought we were having dinner. Now that should have been my clue to get up and say we're done but the people please are in me sucked it up. And what ended up being is almost a $200 dinner and drinks and that was cheaper than therapy because it was miserable. I thought we were gonna have World War III. But frankly, she lacked kindness and appreciation and actually her lack of it brought out my lack of kindness and appreciation. So I've gotta take ownership in my part. There is nothing more beautiful than being with a woman or man who's genuinely kind and who's genuinely appreciative of another person's efforts. I mean, it saddens me how many people go on first dates and their lack of kindness. It's like most people these days oftentimes seem to go on a first date with a level of contempt and part of it is if you've gone on one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 19, 20 or more first dates in your life and feeling like it's gone nowhere, it's not hard to feel a level of contempt. So it's obvious to me that kindness and appreciation is a irresistible trait. And I know it's obvious to you too. Number two, intelligence. There's something sexy about a man or woman who is educated, thoughtful, witty and can hold their own in conversation. The most recent Matrix movie, Matrix 4 said ideas are the new sexy. I gotta tell you something as a single man out there I am thirst, my oxygen is the desire to talk to someone at a sapio sexual level, at a level of ideas. And to explore ideas, not from a place of ideologies that are so rigid, masks, no masks, Democrats, Republicans, vaccine, no vaccine. And then to be at odds with one another is absolutely exhausting. But maybe you have differences but exploring it from a place of curiosity. Why would this other person have a difference than my opinion? And I'm gonna listen to that person's difference. And I'm gonna accept it to be true for them. That is sexy because that takes intelligence, a thoughtfulness and to have that witty conversation. I mean, anyway, that's where I operate. I don't know where you stand, but that's where I stand. I gotta sneeze, by the way, excuse me. I don't know if it's dusty here or not. Okay, number three, open-mindedness flexible and down to earth. Oh my God, I've gone out with women who are so rigid. Well, this is my boundary and this is my standard. I'm like, look, you're coming from a place of trying to control your environment. And that's not very sexy. That's not irresistible. Men like women, we can say, hey, let's do this instead of that. And it's okay to offer your suggestions too. Excuse me, I'm yelling. By the way, I know I've had people say, Jonathan, you yell too much, but I'm passionate about this. I'm passionate. I feel like I'm that parent telling their child, don't touch fire, don't touch fire, don't touch fire. And you know, I'm your heart protector because I mean, I've told you this before and I'll say it again, I'm your big brother. If I could be there on a first date for you and I'd have the shotgun pointed at the guy's nose and say, what's your intentions with my little sister? That's my, so I'm a little bit passionate. But I did catch myself screaming there. So, number four, this is one of my favorites. She knows herself and she expresses herself. This is coming back to the self-love piece, the untethered soul piece. This is about really knowing who you are. You know, there's this thing that happens in midlife. We oftentimes question, who am I? Why am I here? What's this all for? And someone who actually explores those questions about themselves. That's why I recommend these books. These are brilliant books to get to. By the way, here's a great book that really helps you get to know yourself. Spiritual Partnership by Gary Zukoff. He wrote the book, Seat of the Soul. Do you see that up top, Seat of the Soul? That is a great book to get to know yourself as well as many of the other books I recommended earlier. Emotional intimacy, getting the love you want. And I'm mentioning these because I invite you to really lean into knowing who you are. And then being able to express yourself because that is irresistible. Now, I don't mean vomiting yourself, that's not very sexy, vomiting your feelings, but leaning into your truth and speaking to it from a kind place. Because if it's searing from sincere and from the heart, you really can't say the wrong thing to the right person. Number five, this is said over and over again. Standards and boundaries, whether you're a man or woman, setting healthy standards for yourself and healthy boundaries, that demonstrates confidence and that you're comfortable in your own skin. And lastly, but not least, masculine or feminine, male or female trait is generosity. I've shared this story before. It's a first date story where I went out with this woman. I've shared it many times. And we went to a dye bar for our first date. It was a lot of fun, a lot of fun people there. And I paid for the first round. I gave like a $20 bill. It was time for our second round of drinks. And she pulls out her credit card and I said, I've got it. She goes, no, I have it. I go, no, I have it. And she goes, I got it. And we got into a pissing match and I know the feminine energy coaches. She was in her masculine trying to control things. Oh my, fuck, I gotta work out some more because my hands, my arms were wobbly. You know what she did next? She put her hand on my arm and she looked me straight in the eye and said, Jonathan, I really appreciated that you treated that first round. Will you allow me to show my appreciation and treat you this round because I think you're worth it? Can you receive? I was floored in that moment. What generosity, what partnership, what kindness? She wasn't trying to get anything from me. She was saying, I'm part of this process with you. Probably one of the most generous experiences I've ever had and I've had many generous experiences. But what I appreciate most was she was saying, you're worth it. And sadly, humans seem to operate from a place of what I can get versus what I can give. And I shared this story to a men's group I belong to, 15,000 men in the group, over 1,000 guys commented and said, she's one of a kind. She's a keeper. She's a unicorn. Don't let her go. And while it didn't work out, it was a long distance. You know how I feel about long distance. Generosity starts on the very first date. And I'm a big proponent of men and women alike operating from a place of generosity. Are you with me? If you are, give me an amen. All right, so just to repeat, those six feminine traits that men find irresistible. And by the way, men do this as well that women find irresistible as kindness and appreciation, intelligent, open-mindedness, knows themselves, express themselves, standards and boundaries, and lastly, generosity. Ah, I'm already getting the amen. So thank you. Thank you, Roller-Goer, oh, Mary Ann. All right, well that wraps up our content portion. Now we're gonna get into the Q&A. If you're watching this live, if you're live watching this program, there's a little chat box there. If you have a question for me, write the word question, post the question there after, or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat with the little dollar sign there below. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him there. He's my son who passed away a few years ago and in his honor, I've started a scholarship fund to defray the cost of personal development and also to donate to causes like the Hoffman process and Insight Seminars. Everyone write this down. If you're listening to the replay or if you're watching the live, write this down. Insightsseminars.org, seminars plural. Go to their website. They are an amazing organization, an amazing organization to help you really, their Insight Seminar One is about connecting with your heart and I gotta tell you, it is life changing and it can be done online now and it's very incredibly reasonably priced. They're a beautiful organization. I'm gonna donate some money for all the superstickers we get today. So please check out Insightsseminars.org. All right, we've got questions and we've got Heather here. Hey, Heather, question. Do you think people are too strict dating nowadays, long checklist and standards too high? You know, it's tough on this one, Heather, because I'm a believer. Oh, by the way, if you haven't read the book Two Dates by Neil Clark Warren. Now he started eHarmony. I'm not recommending eHarmony, okay? Whether you like them or not, I'm not here to endorse it. But he had this idea that if you took compatibility with chemistry, you're gonna have greater chance for success and there's 25, where's the chapter? Bear with me, 25 most important must-haves in a relationship for relationship success, okay? 25 most popular must-haves. The more you're aligned with the person, the more aligned Heather you are with the person, the greater chance you have for relationship success. So I'm not so certain that it doesn't. So in my coaching program, we come up with a questionnaire for you to ask men based on your personality. And now here's the thing. It's done very conversationally. But let me give an example of this. Now, I'm gonna catch some flak for saying this. But let's say you love Bernie Sanders and AOC and you would die on the sword for that part of the Democratic Party, okay? And you meet a guy online, he's got cute picture. You saw his picture, he's really cute. And he loves Donald Trump and would die on the sword for Donald Trump and all of the way he thinks and you like. Do you think these two people share the same values? Probably not. So when you want that question asked, what about the person that totally believes in vaccines and wants to be quadruple, triple facts and they wanna murder masks in bed while they're making love to you. And the other person will never get masks or get vaccines in their life. Do you think they're gonna get along with each other? Probably not. So yeah, you might wanna ask a few questions to see if you line up together. Now, at least Neil Warren says it takes 20, you have to know the 25, the more you're aligned in these 25 areas, the less likely you're to get divorced. So I leave it up to you, you've gotta decide how many questions are important for you. Because here's the bottom line. Love doesn't make a relationship work. Compat, let's put you to the side. Chemistry, well, let's go to the chemistry thing. Most everybody operates this way, my relationship iceberg. Chemistry, this is an iceberg, the chemistry is above the waterline. That's where we feel attraction. But compatibility is shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. You could share the same lifestyles, share the same values, but if the person is emotionally immature, it ain't gonna work out. Or if you have terrible relationship skills, it ain't gonna work out. So I'm a big proponent of finding this stuff out and that's what I teach in my coaching. So Heather, I think you know how I stand with that. I love your question, I really appreciated it. I know you followed up by saying Seinfeld ruined it for me. She eats her peas one at a time, I get it. Those are being picky. Do you share the same values? Are your lifestyles blendable? And most importantly, are they emotionally mature? Great question, Heather, thank you so much. All right, let's go swimming. Let's go swimming. Lynn writes, question, have you had any weird or funny responses when you have been asked what commitment looks like to them? Okay, so here's the thing. I've noticed this as a dating and relationship coach. I work with about 50 to 80 women a year in my program. And all of them say, I know what I want, I know what I want, I know what I want, I know what I want, I know what I want. Then they go through my proprietary coaching program. In fact, one of the first things they do is describe their ideal relationship on day one. Then they go through my proprietary program I created and at the end they have to come up with their new relationship desires. And can you guess what every woman says to me at the end of my coaching program? By the way, link below to schedule a discovery call with me. They all say the same thing. Jonathan, why didn't they teach me this in school? Jonathan, why didn't my parents teach me this? Jonathan, why didn't I learn this before I married the wrong guy? Folks, most men and women don't know what they want. Now, I'm very crystal clear, I say this in most videos. I'm looking for, and this is just a sample of what I'm looking for. Actually, let me read to you my match.com profile. You might get a kick out of this. So, let's go swim in. I'm gonna read you my match.com profile. This kind of illustrates it. Let me start with the following. I would like to get remarried or at least live together and I'm seeking a woman who feels the same. For me, this isn't about growing old with someone. I wanna grow in life and love with a special woman. Plus I promise my next partner emotional maturity, lots of great sex, chocolate massages, flirty text messages, poetry, travel, and tacos on Tuesday, how does that sound? The reason why I'm on this dating site as well as a few others is that I'm using any tool to connect with my soulmate and life partner. So you might have, so you won't have to be concerned if I'm gonna waste your time. I hope you feel the same, is that a deal? And just so you know, in my world, commitment and partnership are what I want and the last thing I'm seeking is something casual. Do you feel the same way? If yes, drop me a note if there's mutual connection, meaning we are attracted to each other's profiles, let's talk, and that goes both ways. The way I describe myself is an outwardly looking alpha male with a big teddy bear heart. Maybe I'd say I'm a good guy with an edge and yet I'm human with insecurities or dare I say flaws. What freaks me out most is condiments. I can't stand to be near catch up or mustard and yet what I can do is hold your heart like a precious jewel as both your lover and heart protector. Professionally, I'm a writer, speaker and coach choosing to be more of service than chasing egoic power because I wanna spread a message of self-love to all who are suffering. Ideally, I'd like to meet a conscious and powered inquisitive woman who is a combination of feminine and masculine. There I said it. In the sense she is both a giver and a receiver. She has a big heart that yearns to be expressed with emotional maturity and she's capable of truly opening her heart to love. She is either an empty nest or no children with the time to explore and play in the depths of love. She is a natural giver without being a doormat. She's financially independent and she also has a generous sharing nature. My hope is when we see each other's profiles, we say, wow, as if we'd known each other for a lifetime and she or I will reach out with a heartfelt message expressing desire to connect. She believes the mating dance is a two lane street and she is confident within herself to approach the process with love in her heart. Once we connect here, let's get off the phone to hear each other's voice and then plan on meeting. As I said before, I'm not here to waste your time. No pressure when we meet because this isn't a sprint. The path to love and partnership is a gentle, beautiful connected dance of mind, body, spirit and emotions. Lastly, if you recognize me from YouTube or Apple podcast, yes, it's me and yes, I want a serious relationship. By the way, here are just some of the feelings I hope we experienced together. Desire, respect, emotional safety, acceptance, teamwork, curiosity, luxury, rootedness, depth, fun, play, laughter, spontaneity, intimacy and passionate, passionate, passionate connection. Thank you kindly for taking the time to read this far. Yes, I'm a graduate of the Hoffman process and insight one, two, three. One more thing, and this is a tough one to share. My youngest son at 19 passed away in the summer of 2018. So please be gentle with my heart as it is a bit tender. Folks, that didn't take five minutes to write. That's taken me a lifetime to determine what I'm truly seeking. And I've shared this before and I'll share it again. I'm seeking a relationship where we spend, coming back to your question, where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and professional life. Intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy, that as I said before, leading to either living together or getting married. Folks, I want you to think of it this way. Go to a calendar, go to your calendar. There's my calendar, okay? Well, that's actually my calendar, okay? I want you to think of, put this person on your calendar. What are you doing on Monday? Are you just talking on the phone? What are you doing on Tuesday? Are you grabbing an ice cream or going to watch the sunset at the beach like where I live? What are you doing on Wednesday? What are you doing on Thursday? Are you spending Friday and Saturday together? Are you visiting friends? Are you going on a road trip to Santa Barbara, San Diego? Or maybe up to the mountains? What are you doing? Are you hanging out with friends? Are you going to weddings? What are you doing together? Well, Jonathan, I'm in a long distance relationship and we spend all day talking on the phone, on the phone, on the phone, on the phone, on the phone. Guys and gals, men don't bond through the telephone the same way you do. We bond through activities. I can't remember. I only remember one phone call I've ever gotten in my life. The day my son passed away, it's the only phone call I'll never forget. But I remember that time my ex-girlfriend and I went to Chicago. I remember those trips we went to New York. I remember the time we went to Vancouver. I remember the Burning Man party we went to. I remember so many different experiences. I don't remember phone calls. Why is it I don't remember phone calls? Oh, because that's not an experience. Folks, if you want a relationship, it's time to experience it outside of these devices. So I invite you to describe what are you looking for? I'll tell you, most women who hire me have no fucking clue, but that's why they come to me for help. And that's why in the last two weeks, two weeks today, I've had four clients reach out to me. They're in happier relationships. I've shared these pictures already with you guys. Here's one of them, she got engaged. Here's another one. They're together, here's another one. Oh wait, that's the other way. Here's another one, whoosh. Don't want to show it. That's just three pictures out of four. I am blessed to help you truly figure out who's right for you. Lynn, that was a long-winded answer to your question. Let me know, did this resonate with you? Any of you, did this resonate with you? Say yes, Jonathan, that resonated with me and say thank you. All right, Lynn, thank you so much for that question, giving you a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug. And by the way, most women don't seem to know what commitment looks like for them. And then you wonder why it's such a shit show out there. Women don't know and guys don't know because men are winging it, they're winging it, they're winging it. Ladies, before the penis goes inside the vagina, read the book, eight dates, that's a great blueprint for figuring out the answer to all these questions. Will you do it? Please let me know. All right, oops. Woo-hoo. All right, thanks again so much, Lynn, I appreciate it. All right, let's, oh, Cindy, thank you for the super sticker, big hugs to you. By the way, that's super stickers for the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund. Thank you so much. Ah, let's go swimming. All right, Holly says yes, thank you. Colleen says yes, thank you. Roller girl, she's given me a bunch of high fives there. Thank you so much. All right, question. From a guy's point of view, do guys ever wanna go back with their exes to work it out and not just for sex? Well, here's the thing. There's a reason why you broke up. The sad part is going back is usually because of an attachment to that other person. If you're not familiar with the book attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, I highly recommend reading this book because oftentimes the reason why people are stuck with each other because of a love attachment style or something else known as the Amago, the Amago, read the book, Getting the Love You Want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt. Why? The Amago is basically we oftentimes choose people similar to one or both of our parents. Men typically choose women that represent their mother and women choose men that represent their father. Not the good parts of that, the unhealthy parts to heal with our parents. So to answer your question, Heather, yes, men may want to go back beyond the sex, but it's usually if they haven't addressed the main core issue why they broke up, it's going to be oftentimes a problematic situation. So might temporarily work out in the short run, but think about this. Why do second marriages divorce at a 65% rate? Humans are bad at picking people. You really are all of you ladies and myself included. Look at, I mean, listen, I've been blessed that the relationships I had, by the way, contentious at times, but still good people, but I had no fucking clue how to be in a relationship. I've had to study these books over and over and over again. And sadly today we're meeting, what are we meeting? We're meeting total strangers. We're meeting total strangers. It's hard. So what happens is we figure we've go back, it's like my son who plays, I remember the time Colin wanted to get a, there's Colin, by the way, him and I, he moved in nearby. We get to hang out together. We went to the jacuzzi today. Very blessed, but I remember the time when he was 14 and this, I'll get to a point that relates to this. Had to get this video game. He had to get this video game. He had to get this video game. And we stood out line till midnight to get the video game. And he played it and he played it and played it and played it until a new video game came out. And the video game went on the shelf. And I asked him, do you ever play that old video game? He goes, yeah, when I'm feeling lonely and bored. He didn't say it that way. That's my interpretation related to this conversation. That's what oftentimes happens when we feel lonely and bored. We go back to what is familiar. And sadly, it doesn't mean from a healthy place. So coming back to your question, Heather, that's my perception of what happens. Doesn't necessarily mean they're gonna work it out. So how do you make it work it out? You go in with a lot more intentionality and you work on your shit and maybe have a great, have a chance for success. Heather, thank you so much for that question. All right. What is Leaf says, a lifetime well-discovered and conveyed in five minutes. Thank you. Oh, you're talking about my, what I'm seeking in relationship. Holly says, Jonathan, straight and to the point. Thank you. Roller girl says, beautiful writing. Thank you so much. Roseanne says, loved it. Thank you so much. All right, let's see what other questions we have. DD says, if someone doesn't wanna talk about commitment and that is what you're looking for and they don't wanna discuss it in the common sense, is there not for you my thought anyway? Look it. There's different kind of relationships out there. There are friends with benefits. There's situationships. There's casual relationships. And then there's those that are gonna lead to partnership. The reason why I have a lot of short-lived relationships, short-lived experiences, is none of the women I've met in the last couple of years are partnership material. Now, I gotta be candid with myself. I think I've been very closed off the last few years. I think the pain of my divorce and then the pain I experienced after my most significant relationship broke up and then losing my mother, losing my 19-year-old son and then my father leaving has walled up my heart. If I'm being really honest with myself. In fact, I was listening this morning to chapter seven. Well, let's go to Untethered Soul. It really helped me recognize this. I'm gonna find the chapter. But chapter six, the secret of a spiritual heart, chapter seven, transcending the tendency to close. Chapter eight, let go now and fall. Chapter nine, removing the inner thorn. If I'm being very genuine and honest with myself, I've had a very closed heart the last few years. And that's why most women don't get a third date with me. Couple of the women I wanted a third date but they didn't want it with me. But I mean, I meant to say women aren't getting a second date with me. And I'm now recognized that it's time to let go of the pain. It's time to let go of the fear because I have been afraid. I've been afraid of getting hurt again if I'm being really honest with myself and with everyone here. So I'm sharing this and I now can't remember the original question. I'm sharing this because I think most people are experiencing something along the same line of a closed heart. And as I shared earlier in the broadcast, I think we're also feeling an intimacy famine. By the way, I didn't coin that. I heard that on a podcast today. I really do believe there's this deep well of a lack of feeling a sense of connectivity and intimacy with people. So I make a prayer for myself and all of you. And I pray that I meet that special woman where we do have that energetic connection that we meet and that we have that level of communication where the banter can go on for hours and hours of the time. And we have that sense of the ability to blend lives with each other and that we share the same values with one another and that we have passionate attraction for one another and we have intellectual stimulation with one another and we feel that level of desire to go deeper than the surface and that we can build something together because we're going to co-create the relationship because it isn't about one person leading, it's about both being an active participant in the process and my desire and my invitation for myself and everyone else that you experience what you desire most as I've just shared what I desire most. And that's my invitation and commitment to all. Thank you for allowing you to share. Ah, did I answer your question, TD? So coming back to if someone doesn't wanna talk about commitment, that's what you'd get if you dated me. And I don't think wasting time with people who don't know what the fuck they want. Don't waste your time. Spend your time with people who genuinely, genuinely know what they want. That's my invitation. Thank you so much, TD. I appreciate it. All right. Wow. Marianne says, oops, thank you, amen. I appreciate that. Leif says, beautifully vulnerability lesson by role model example, Jonathan. Thank you very much. My pleasure. Ah, Holly says, amen. Jennifer says, we all want someone who we can fully be ourselves with exactly. Exactly. All right, we're gonna take one more question. Oh, Grace says, of course, it's been a rough time for you, Jonathan, prayers and big hugs. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. Roller Girl says, you putting up walls. Exactly, I did. Heather says, I love you mentioned teamwork. I really enjoy that my ex and I worked together on our individual projects. It was fun and the connection became so much deeper. Thank you so much, Heather. I appreciate that. All right, I think this will be the last question for the night. Question, the guy I'm dating sends me Spotify playlist but won't commit to a monogamous relationship. I can't tell if he really likes me. That's interesting. Ask him, do you like me? Ask him, what do you want? Folks, we can just stop fucking pussy footing around. By the way, this fear of losing someone, look at you only lose the wrong person by not speaking up. I'm gonna repeat that, you only lose the wrong person by not speaking up. Or did I say that? Let me reframe that. If it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. So ask him, do you genuinely like me? Do you want to explore a fully committed relationship? Because if his penis is going inside his ear vagina, he's obviously getting all the cookies without having to do any more effort for it. But you know, I'm just leaning back on my fucking energy. I started this podcast or this broadcast because I can't stand the feminine energy and the masculine energy rhetoric, although this is about femininity and masculinity. But what it is I shared before is really both men and women leaning into a relationship. And that's my invitation for you all. Stop fucking around and start standing up for what you want. Ladies, you give your power away to men and then you wonder why you're miserable. Stop doing it. And if you need some help, read the books I recommend because listen, the days in front of you are shorter than the days behind you. So like they said in the movie, Shawshank Redemption, get busy living or get busy dying. And Cameron, that's my invitation for you. Are you gonna do it? Give me an amen. All right, folks. I think this will be a good place to wrap up today. I hope you found, did you find value in this broadcast? Please write down, let me know. Hit that like button. Tell me you found value. Purchase a super sticker, super chat. I want to hear, please let me know or write a comment below. And if you need some support, check out the links below to a free discovery call by group called Midlife Love Mastery. And if I can be of service to you, I'm gonna do my best. All right, we're gonna wrap up this broadcast as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic jot and bear a good belt with self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone. A pet, a teddy bear or pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Kathy and Holly and Lexi and Nanette and Grace and Danielle and Leif and Kathy Ann and Denise and Grace. I think I've said your names a bunch of times, Pamela and Cindy and Kathy Ann. I think I said that already. Everyone, purchase a super sticker before we wrap up to say thank you to Connor. Aslee, I'd be so grateful. And I'm wishing you a super duper, wonderful evening. Bye-bye now. Bye everyone. Lexi says I love your show. Holly says I love your videos. Teresa, Leif says thank you. Roller Girl says big hug. Thank you so much everyone. Bye now.