 is Angie Barbara Innocent, more commonly called Barbara Innocent. November 19th is International Men's Day. And in light of that, I have with me two distinguished gentlemen who will join me in a discussion centered around aspects of men's lives. I have, from my right hand side, Dr. Gavin Melvin. And I also have Mr. Guy Futsu. Today we want to delve into some conversation about men in light of International Men's Day, as we said. The way we want to do this this morning, we want to look at two aspects. We will have Dr. Melvin look into the importance of screening as it relates to men's health. And Mr. Guy Futsu will also look up with me the social aspects of a man's life. To start off and kick off the conversation, let us start by, first of all, asking the question, what really is a man, or how do you differentiate when a boy has moved from a boy into manhood? And I'll just say that's something short and then let Mr. Guy Futsu add on to it. Very, I mean, most of us know that when you are moving from boyhood to manhood, there are some particular physical characteristics. For example, you grow the beard, a little hair on the chest, the voice gets a little more deep, and some peculiarities that happen. But today, we want to focus on something that is more social and psychological, because I think the way a man thinks is critical. And having said that, let me invite Mr. Guy Futsu to tell us from your own perspectives, what do you think differentiates a boy from a man? How do you know when a man is a man? I believe that a man is a man when he takes his responsibility as a man. And because as an authority, he'd move in a position where he is under the authority of maybe his parent to the authority, to assuming authority himself, and sometime having people under his own authority. And in that sense, he started assuming some social function. Yeah. Thank you, Mr. Futsu. So I take two things critically from what you said. You mentioned the fact that there will be a new dimension of his responsibility. In other words, where as a boy might not take his responsibility very seriously. The boy interested in games and other things. A man might take a responsibility a little more serious and he said, you know what? I have a family to take care of. So even if I'm tired and I need to go to work, I'm gonna be responsible and get up and go to work because I need to take care of my family, you know? Even on the job, I may be stressed out a bit. Some days I may not feel like going to work, but you know what? I have a family to take care of and I'm gonna teach my boy to be responsible and I gotta be responsible so I'm gonna go to work. And also, you also mentioned a very key word, authority or authority. I think also you're right. I think when a man becomes a man and when a boy moves from boyhood to manhood, I think there's supposed to be a greater sense of confidence in the way he speaks. He should speak of greater authority, greater confidence because he is now going to contribute to a family in terms of sometimes leadership, sometimes projects. I think it's critical for him to speak of confidence and teach his son to speak of confidence and speak his daughters or his children generally to speak of confidence. So I like these two points. The other thing one of the acts is Mr. Futsu. I'm diving everywhere into the aspects of a man, being a man. What is your relationship like with your dad, if any acts? First of all, growing up, I would say I didn't have only one dad. I have my biological dad. I didn't live with him, but I also have my uncle with whom I live. And the father figure for me was both of them and even many other uncles who were always there. They would approach me, they would guide me and it was more like mentors because they would take me on when they want to do certain things. They would go with me, they would hold my hand and do those things. They would teach me how to be a man to see it that way. I have a similar experience myself. I had more or less like two fathers. My grandfather, who I brought up with most of my life and then I had my father, who I also saw every day, but he was my real biological father and both of them played a critical role in my development into becoming a man. For example, my grandfather. Whenever he leaves the house, the first thing he does before he drives off with his vehicle, he opens the bonnet, checks the radiator for water, checks the oil, checks the other things and then he starts to leave. And I used to be watching from the back and he was watching this. Now, I'm not a man, to be honest with you, I still cannot exercise the kind of discipline he did. I would do that about once a month or twice every two weeks, but not the kind of a way he, if such discipline, before he leaves, before he drives off, he checks his vehicle for the tires and all that, you know, like a culture, like a lifestyle, which I, it all goes well for me because I try to do it every now and then, but still not as well as he does it. So yes, you know, and I like the fact that apart from your dad, you had uncles, similar to me, I had a barrage of uncles around me who also served as mentors in various aspects of my life and developed my development. So let me just, before the break comes, let me just try to switch to men's health because we are our distinguished doctor here, Dr. Gavin Melvin. Dr. Gavin Melvin, can you tell us about the importance of screening as we listen to men's health? Thank you so much for having me today, Bahrain. First, let me define screening so that we understand what I mean by screening. Screening defined medically refers to checking an asymptomatic individual, somebody who does not have evidence of an issue. Okay. For a particular issue in the hope that you can find it early and you can perhaps treat it at an earlier stage so that less damage is done. Interesting. So just one little pin if you'll permit me. No problem. On the last part of your conversation. When boys grow to men, you should always remember that it's a process and sometimes it can be a longer process to some than others. Yes. It's very useful as mentors ourselves in whatever sphere of influence we have that we appreciate that not everybody is going to grow up as fast as everybody else and we give them both room to do so and direction in doing so. Just a little pin I wanted to... Can I actually explain your pin in terms of? Yes. Well, we only have a few minutes left for the first phase, when you say give them room, can you explain a little bit of that? Okay. Each person, each child is different and their requirements for every aspect of their development is different. Okay. This is shown most obviously in multi-children families. You have one child who is utterly quiet and another child who is totally grumbong just and all over the place. So appreciating those differences should allow as a parent, as a mentor, for you to give each child a specific environment that they need to develop to the best of their ability. Some children may need more love, some children may need more discipline, some children may need both love and discipline, some children may just need more food. So whatever it is, whatever it is that the child needs to develop optimally as a mentor or parent, it is useful for you to recognize those differences so that you can provide them for the children. Very often, we tend to put everyone into a box and by 18, you should be X, Y, and Z. It isn't necessarily so. Some children are that way at 16, some at 15, some at 22. That is how it is. So recognizing that allows us to help them optimize that very significant transition from in the case of our discussion, to the boyhood, to manhood. That's what I meant when I said that. Very insightful. And you have led us into a far older bit. So we will stop right now for a short break and then we will continue and go back into that. Viewers, thank you so much for listening to us. Please don't go away. Please stay tuned. We'll see you. We'll be right back. Thank you. Welcome back, viewers. Thanks for staying tuned. You know, before we had stopped for the break, Dr. Melvin had expounded on some nice insights. He was talking about giving room, you know, because this is from boyhood to manhood. It's a process. And I think that giving room phenomenon, I would like to just speak a little bit about it because often times you find when a father becomes a legendary in some way or the other, when it's a very good musician, a very good doctor, a very good lawyer, there's a great tendency for wanting his son to just fall that same pathway. It happens with creatures also. And it's good for us as fathers to understand, hey, that may not be what they are designed by God to do. That may not be the area of gifting or the area of passion. And it's important that they work within the area of passion or gifting. Because when you work in your area of passion and gifting, it's almost like you don't even feel tired because you like what you're doing. I think it's important, as Dr. Melvin mentioned, that we give room. If you see your child as a father, it's not taking the same professional inclination as yourself. Don't be too discouraged about it, but see what happens. See what they're naturally good at and explore it, help them develop it. Because they may just be not a good doctor as yourself, I should say. But they may not be one of the world-renowned lawyers or world-renowned engineers. And they may even be a scientist. So we need to, as Dr. Melvin mentioned, we should always ensure that we allow the children to enter that room, that space, to become who they are on the inside, what they have a passion for, what they are gifted in. So I just wanted to explain that a little. Now, going back to the conversation, so we looked at the father a little bit. Dr. Gif, sorry, Mr. Gif, who spoke about his relationship with his dad. Let's take on a little different twist now. Can you tell us about what's it like being a husband? For you as a husband, you have, I think, took one key. As a husband and a father, how does that dynamic work for you? Husband, I think being a husband is actually, as we mentioned earlier on, it's a step in, it's another step, I would say. In stepping in, assuming some level of responsibility, but also partnership, because it's a relationship with a person who is also a complete person, just like me. And we have to discuss, we have to listen to each other. And also collaborate in raising out, raising up the children. And it is a learning process. Being a husband is a learning process. I like sometimes to say it's high school, it's high school of life, if you can say that. It's high school. At a certain level, because we learn to know ourselves better as someone else stepped in and can tell us things about ourselves, some things that we know, some things that we don't necessarily know or we are not aware of, and someone that we can trust. Because other people can tell us things, but it's not the same as a wife with somebody you trust, somebody you are committed to, and who can step in and help you in being fulfilled in who you are, who you are called to be. And being a father is also another step in school. Sometimes I call it is the university of life. Because I realize how much I needed to learn after we have our son. And I also learned my own limitation because I through my son, I could see myself. I could see how I grow or the steps that I have to go through. I have to learn to be patient. Certain things that I know, and I think it's obvious, I see that I need to teach the child, I need to help him understand. And sometimes I need to be patient with him. And I realize, wow, so some people have been patient with me to move from this stage to this stage. So it's a learning process and building up this relationship, partnership relationship with the spouse, but also this mentoring relationship with the child that we are trying to help grow. It teaches us to know ourselves better, but also to help someone else develop to where we are. Very interesting. Have you ever looked at your answer to that? Yes, just briefly before I get back to what I wanted to say in the first piece. I think that in seeing ourselves in our children, particularly, sometimes in the people we mentoring, it often perhaps creates what you were talking about earlier on about us not giving our children room to grow. Very often as adults, we try to see our best selves in our children and sometimes even enforce our best selves in our children. And it can lead to conflict, it can lead to challenge, and it can lead to not necessarily good outcomes every time. So I think it's useful to recognize it so that again we can give our children room to grow into their best selves, even if, even if, it's a little different from what we imagine that our best selves or theirs would be. So yes, that's what I wanted to add before I get back to when you allow me to what we were discussing before. Well, let me just highlight something that Mr. Futsu said in terms of the partnership and the uniqueness of persons. Yes, I really like that, that when you marry someone, it's a partnership, so you're doing things together. But there's also an aspect of each person have their own form of individualism or uniqueness of personality. With my wife, for example, my wife, although I'm a man and most men like cricket, I'm not a big lover of cricket. I watch cricket now and then, but my wife loves cricket. Now, just to please her sometimes, I might just watch a marty for her too, you know? But it's not my big, big, big deal for me, but it's a big, big deal for her. So in the partnerships I'm in, to make one and a half here, I just watch a marty for her. I'm never the West Endistinist, I try to bring her there, I don't know what she likes. I'm quick to sit down there and listen to something on YouTube that I can pick up some knowledge from, but she's more of the cricket fan. So it's important for us to understand that and don't try to force the power partner to be inclined to the same things that we do. Like Dr. Melville said, that then creates conflict because you are a partnership but you also have your own individualism of mind. Now, having said all that and time is going, I want to open the, make a room for Dr. Melville. To talk about, that's more about screening because I know that means there's a critical thing in solution. Yes. Thank you again, Barry. Like I said before the break, screening represents looking for disease processes that have not yet shown symptoms in the hope that you can catch it at an earlier stage and fix it. And there are many recommendations for screening for men and women. And those screening recommendations differ based on age generally and risk. So for example, a man who has had relatives with prostate cancer should probably be screened for prostate cancer earlier than a man who does not have such a history. That's just one example. And there are several recommendations for screening for men. Now, the list is long and it would take a whole conference to go through all of them individually. So I just wanted to perhaps highlight maybe two or three of them. The one that is most feared and most discussed and most shunned perhaps is prostate cancer screening. Thank you. So prostate cancer screening represents, should represent, let me say it this way, a discussion between a patient and a physician as to when, what method and how screening should be done. It is not a one-size-fits-all. Unfortunately, as black people, we have a genetic predisposition to enlargement of the prostate as we get older and prostate cancer, which tends to be more aggressive. Okay. Dr. Nelville, we're going to stop you for a short break. Don't lose your train of thought. I shall not. When we return, we will just continue it. Viewers, very important information coming here. So please stay tuned. We'll be right back. Thank you. Pamela, I noticed that you built your retaining wall on my property. You will have to give me my land back or compensate me for that. My contractor isn't dumb. I trust that he will not build anything on your property. Where is your proof? Let's go to court. This situation does not require you to go to court. Looks like we have to go through mediation here. Mediation is a way people resolve conflicts like this. Someone, a third party, comes to speak to both parties. This person is called the mediator. The mediator is impartial. He or she makes sure that communication between both parties is effective and efficient. So the mediator is a judge? No, the mediator is not a judge. Mediators, unlike judges, do not decide cases or impose settlements. Let me get a mediator to handle this retaining wall and that kitchen. Kitchen? Yes, your kitchen also falls on my land. Let me call the mediator. Welcome back, viewers. Thank you for staying tuned. Dr. Melville, before the break, you will say some very critical things that will continue. Sure. Before the break, I was saying that one of the more feared screening tests that men run away from is prostate cancer screening. And I just wanted to talk a little bit about it and some of the other screening methods and disease processes that we should screen for as men because they are illnesses for which we can intervene. And intervening early makes a difference in the outcome. Prostate cancer screening basically has three parts. One is an examination, which is the part that most men fear. Strangely enough, having had screening exams, most patients, most men that I see, ask a simple question afterward. That was all. So I think it is more an issue of stigma being attached to a procedure rather than actual discomfort or actual challenges with the screening exam. But it is a necessary part of getting older. It's a necessary part of any man getting older, especially a black man. So screening for prostate cancer includes a rectal examination where the physician actually touches the prostate and see how it feels and see how big it is. Also includes a blood test. The men include a blood test to check the levels of substance produced by the prostate. PSE. If it is elevated, then we know that there's a possibility that something is going on and we should look further for it. And it may include additional tests, such as MRI scans, ultrasounds, biopsies, and all that sort of stuff. Can I ask a quick question? Why is it on prostate cancer? What are some of the typical symptoms and signs that one should look for if one would have any form of prostate issues? That's a challenging question to answer, simply because the issue that is happening with the prostate dictates the symptoms that the patient has. So, for example, very often early prostate cancer is asymptomatic, which is one of the reasons it's a good disease to screen for. When a patient has symptoms from prostate cancer, that either means that the cancer is large enough to cause obstruction, or that there has been spread of the cancer to somewhere else. So, very often, early prostate cancer has no symptoms, and that's the point I was making earlier on, hence the need for screening. I am not sure how much more time we have, but just to point out that other screening tests that are necessary, screening for hypertension, screening for diabetes, especially in overweight men, screening for depression, screening for bowel cancer, there's a significant percentage of patients in St. Lucia who die from bowel cancer, who die from prostate cancer. And these are disease processes for which we have tests to detect them early. And in some cases, the tests that we use to detect the issue can also be curative. It can get rid of the issue. So, for example, if a patient does screening colonoscopy, a special camera looks in the bowel to see if there are any funny spots there, it is possible that by taking out that funny spot, you have prevented a patient from going on to develop cancer. So it can be both diagnostic and curative at the same time. So, if you have not taken anything else from what I've said today, the main thought that I'd like you to get is that there are tests available. Well, first, let me step back one second. Not because you're feeling fine and you don't have a symptom, means that nothing is wrong. That's the first issue. A lot of patients think that if something is wrong, they will feel a particular way and that is not necessarily true in many, many, many cases. From heart attacks to strokes, neither of those two disease processes started with the heart attack or the stroke. They started 10 or 15 years before with high cholesterol, which actually you should be screened for also. So, first thought is, because you do not have a symptom, does not mean that everything is fine. That's the first thought. The second thought is, have a discussion with your doctor about which screening tests are appropriate for you. While there are many guidelines, pretty much every significant medical organization has their guidelines, those guidelines may not necessarily apply to you as a patient, because your family history may be different, your own personal history may be different, you may have had other conditions that predispose you to something else. So, my second important point is, have a discussion with your physician, regardless of what age you are, about which screening tests are important to you as a patient. And if we do that often enough, we have the opportunity to intervene earlier and perhaps change some of the outcomes in later life. Okay, very, very important information. The greatest point for me is the importance of screening, because as the doctor said, a lot of these sicknesses are like silent killers or there's not much symptoms and signs to look out for on the outside. So screening can save you when it comes to that aspect. We don't have much time, so what I'm gonna do at this point is invite my distinguished guest to give some final words. So, before I go to Dr. Melvin, who just finished, I'll go straight to Mr. Futsu. Any final words of advice to husbands and fathers as your final words before we head? Yeah, my final word will be on the fact that we need to keep in mind that we, every human being, fathers, we are under higher authority. And even when we are given the, we have the opportunity to exercise authority or to mentor or coach someone else, we always need to keep in mind that we are, we ourselves are under authority, higher authority, and everything we do, we need to keep in mind that we have to give an account on it. And it should guide us and keep us also accountable in some way in what we do. Yeah, that's true because God Almighty is watching us as fathers and as men, that we are accountable to Him and we become good stewards of what He has given us to lead Hexa. Dr. Melvin, any final words? Yes, first, thank you for having me. And I really do hope that we get the opportunity to spend more time and to get into more detail about several of these topics that came up today. I would just advise each of us to begin to take the responsibility for ourselves. While I started out my conversation speaking about screening, it's always getting back to the basics that matters. So each of us, to maintain our health, to stay healthy, it starts with eating right, reducing alcohol, reducing weight, and exercising, reducing our salt intake. Those are the five basic things that is the starting point for managing anything. And I can illustrate it briefly. Cancer patients who are previously healthy, who were healthy before they got cancer, do better than patients who get cancer who were not healthy before. So even if something goes wrong, being healthy, eating right, reducing your alcohol intake all contribute to you doing better, even if something goes wrong. Patients who exercise, who reduce their salt, who are not overweight, generally have easier blood pressure management if they become hypertensive. So back to the basics, eat right, reduce your alcohol, reduce your salt intake, reduce your weight, and exercise at least five days a week, half an hour. And it will be the starting point for better health overall. There we have it folks, very good advice. My last piece to it all is that, remember, as Mr. G said, that as fathers and as men, we have responsibilities all around us, and it's important for us as men, especially when you're busy. Put your child and then your wife and your family in your schedule, don't leave it to chance. But sometimes you get a call and you get a run out to run out, but put in your planned week of activities, put time in there for your wife and your child. That's my last piece of advice with some of the very managers out there that I know are busy and managers can get. Put your kids and your wife and your family in your schedule, in your planner. Thank you for your time folks. We will be having another sort of discussion at some point in the future, and looking forward to it, and I know that you'll be blessed for it. Have a good day.