 السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته إن شاء الله I will commence with a short recitation of the Quran for purposes of Baraka and that's the usual way that I'd like to start off. What it does for me is it gets me into the right mode إن شاء الله أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم يا أيها الذين آمنوا اتقوا الله والتنظر نفس ما قدمت لغد واتقوا الله ما تعملات كولين نسوا الله فأنساهم فسهم لا يستو أصحاكم الفان خاشعيته تصدع من خشية لك الأمثال نضربها سلعا لهم يتفكر العزيز الجباب سبح المصور له الأسماء وهو العزيز الحكي بسم الله و الحمد لله والصلاة والسلام على رسول الله و على آله و صحابه و من و لاه و بعد كل أسواء بلده على الله سبحانه وتعالى أعوذ و تصدقات على محمد صلى الله عليه وسلم نسأل المملكة لنا و لن يتعلمه و كله و لن يتعلم كل من who have struggled and strived لن يتعلمنا و لن يتعلم كل one of us to grant us goodness أحبتنا و أخي في this evening we will be speaking about Islam's solutions to the fragmented family we can start off with a broken home or we can start off with a home that gets on very well like they say a house on fire why they say a house on fire only Allah knows fire is destructive to be honest with you after some time it starts cracking and breaking so for that reason we need to know we can either start here or there I would prefer to start from a home that is actually getting along so that we can avoid the fragmentation insha'Allah that having been said we can also commence either from how the parents bring up their children because that is one of the first points or we can commence with how we choose our spouses looking at the gathering here they seem to be quite a lot of married people they say you can tell a married man when he just looks at you like he is full of worry so looking at the crowd we see I don't think we are worried but at the same time there is a concern I think it's easy for us to commence with how we should be bringing up our children and I won't take much time with that because that should be discussed in a lecture of its own but if we have given our children the correct upbringing and one of the best ways of bringing up our children is through leading by example if we would like our children to be honest we need to be honest if we would like our children to dress appropriately we need to dress appropriately if we have given in to the issues to the negativities of our age they will give in to the negativities of their age and we know the Arabic saying عروف زماننا منكر زمان قدمضا that which we consider okay today used to be considered taboo a long time ago can you think of your grandmother in jeans it's a question and it's a reality but today jeans is nothing to a lot of people obviously you know what it's part of clothing and today someone walking around in a swimsuit in the middle of KL is considered taboo they may come a time Allah protect us but in some capitals it's already started it's already started and then the children will say but it's my right it's my human right God created me come on this flesh is from God why should I be covering it people are talking that way may Allah safeguard us so if we have given in and caved in to what is considered taboo in our times we need to worry about our children they will surpass that they will go beyond that they may then give in or cave in to that which is considered taboo at that particular time which will be far worse than what we have been considering taboo all along so for that reason I say it's very important to instil values amongst your children most of us think life is here to enjoy and have fun and you know see everything nice and you know do everything as you want eat what you like go where you like party every day and I've been repeating this because it's a fact this is what a lot of people think that I need to enjoy and enjoy not realizing Allah has created you in a specific way إني جاعلهم في الأرض خاليفة Allah says in Surah Al-Baqara I am placing on the earth a خاليفة the meaning of the term خاليفة some people say فيسروي some people have used different terms some say ambassador I would like to tell you that خاليفة includes those who will come one after the other who will be succeeded and who will be successes خاليفة that which keeps on coming so you are there after a time your children will be there you will be gone then they will be gone and their children will be there then those will become parents and they will have children and so on so we need to realize that I don't have much time in this world not much time so in that short time let me prepare the future generation and let me lead by example and let me continue in life in such a way that when I am gone those whom I have left behind will remember me for the goodness that I have brought forth and not for the evil I always say the way we handle ourselves in lives especially within marriage you find people making life tough for their daughters in law mothers in law and so on and life there is just some form of animosity for some reason in some homes such that when the person dies instead of resting peace resting peace or something they will probably flick the sweat off their foreheads and say they should have died a long time ago is that the type of relation we would like to have with people who are saying when is this man going to die when is he going to die as they say in the English language you know one leg in the grave the other one on a banana skin which means you are about to drop straight there and yet we are engaged in all sorts of misbehavior may Allah grant us the opening the understanding that we can succeed in this world but we will only achieve true success if we have left behind a legacy that will be fit to take from us and this is a Muslim home in Islam a successful mother or father is the one who has nurtured the children in a beautiful way leading by example and there is one more point I want to raise before I go to how to choose a spouse and that is in the same way that we would be so careful as to the upbringing within the home even if it is 100% perfect say for example there is nothing bad that happens in your home you are happy with the manners of your child and grow up and so on the external environment plays a bigger role in shaping the child nowadays than the internal environment what you say to your child can be yes okay mom okay dad yes dad oh wow you know it's okay you have the rare cases of the women who might be in hijab you know in the home and the mom says wow and as soon as dad drops them off at varsity everything is gone and then dad don't come now still there's 10 minutes dad just park your car outside why because I quickly need to dress back how dad dropped me he must pick me what happened between when dad dropped me and picked me only Allah knows and sorry your schoolmates know as well that is hypocrisy so in order to solve that we need to know Islam tells us to guide our children as to the type of friends they should be having with responsibility sometimes we too busy at work oh dad you know what the dad says to his child well look I work and I sweat to earn the money to send you to the university or I work and I earn the money to do this for you and to send you to the best of the schools but dad you don't even spend one minute with me through the day because you don't even have time for mom where you gonna have time for us we guilty of that you know typical father very busy man comes home he doesn't even agree properly I hope this is not the case in KL remember I'm fortunate that it's my first visit so I cannot pinpoint to say this is a problem here but I can tell you that it's a problem elsewhere where typical dad comes back home and you know he puts his bag that's if he has one nowadays you just need a phone to move around with and he puts it aside and what happens he will sit in front of the television and flick the flicking is a male habit if you know that you flick the news is there you not satisfied with it you flick again is it because there was no female saying the news or is it because you really are interested in the news it happens sometimes these type of things the flicking flicking and they are asking you would you like to eat oh dad welcome home and so on and you just looking at the screen you know we would have loved it if there were little cameras where we could appear on the screen to attract dad's attention is this a home is that a Muslim home if we are not going to be fragmented as a result what do we expect so a Muslim will not do that you need to realize your responsibility you went to work I normally tell people to spend or to have one meal one meal with your children a day is worth more than ten thousand US dollars and that is a very minimum figure because you you can sit not only table manners but at the same time talk speak let them open up how was your day oh and do not a child when they come up with some negativity but teach them because if the child says dad today I met a few people you know what they gay I don't know why I'm raising this issue every time but anyway it's a problem of the age and you say what you get up from your seat you dare see those people again okay okay okay that okay was connected to your temper not connected to the brain have you understood that we have our children in discussion but we've got the time to think up how to expand our business what's the point of a successful businessman and yet his house is totally out of order it would have been good if we had little tags for a little while saying you know like when you have a lift they have a tag saying out of order the next day it starts working if families were like that it would have been okay put a tag for a few days saying out of order we fixing it but it does not work that way and you need to understand when someone comes up with something within the home talk to them find out how it happened perhaps the school you sent them to was wrong perhaps the environment you allowed them to dive into you did not advise them before they went into the ocean to say you know what you were a big fish in this little pond now you are going to go into the ocean you are just one of the little fish in that big ocean be careful that a whale doesn't come or you might be living in the belly of the whale thinking you are in another pool here it can happen so we need to guide our children talk to them the point I've raised I'm sure you've picked it up is that when your child comes up with something negative in order to maintain the home and protect it from defragmenting or fragmenting you need to communicate with the child engage the child in a beautiful discussion spend the time when you hear that type of statement from your child I tell you I need to have two meals now with my children not just one I need to sit with them on a Saturday a Sunday I need to go as a family to the Masjid I need to go with my children to a place where we can listen to someone speak to us as a family then we can come back and discuss you know this was said what do you think of that this was said what do you think of that they also have a mind for all I care don't only blame the half that was from the spouse when things go wrong some people do do that when they have a bad habit they say that's from his mother and the mother says when they have a bad habit he's taken that from his father don't blame it's the responsibility we both are responsible so to spend the time of the day each day or as often as possible if your work entails that you travel a lot you need to balance it by when you are around they spend much more time with them they must miss you they must respect you they listen to you we spoke about being a role model of your own children meaning leading by example if your child has a role model in the house do you know how beneficial that is they are watching you 24 7 whereas when they have a role model outside the house they only see them once in a while so if they are watching you 24 7 and you are the role model they know how to wake up they know how to eat they know how to dress they know absolutely everything they have watched it from you but if there is a role model outside they may know how to give a public lecture why I say this is because I had a little child who came up to me imitating me السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته and I said you see you are the role model I said what does he know in my mind I didn't say it what does he know besides the salam and a few statements and those statements the parents who understand them have not yet taken heed and they are so proud of the child repeating something yes it's good it's a good sign may Allah grant our children intellect but a true role model is he who is watched 24 7 mom mashallah you answer the phone and you know there are some typical problems we face sometimes and you have statements that are uttered that are not befitting a mother in the home and the children are listening to it they actually go one higher with even worse statements Allah protect us and you have you know the flirting habits sometimes adults flirt and in the presence of their children to the degree that it becomes embarrassing when I say flirting I mean it becomes obvious to your children that this person you know mom blushes with her blackberry but doesn't blush with dad الله أكبر imagine a blackberry making you blush it's I'm talking reality here and now you punching in how many I love you's on there but you haven't said it once to your husband and then a woman will say well I don't love him what should I do it is a difficulty you need to utter these statements when your children see that the two of you love each other properly and the two of you love each other with respect it automatically enhances their confidence it makes them children who are much more confident and they know they have the love they have the care so therefore in Islam we are taught that when you have a problem do not resolve it in the presence of your young children don't involve them in it especially at that age they don't need it and this is something we need to correct a lot of people mom and dad are screaming and yelling and swearing and the children are just looking they might go to their room lock it and start crying that is from a psychological point of view very understandable and they don't know then the home the family breaks and this is why in Islam when a family when there is a difficulty there is a method of solving the problem and inshallah we will get to that in a few moments but there are difficulties that we are facing and the Quran has the solutions whatever I am saying this evening is taken from the Quran and the Sunnah and the Islamic teachings do you know that when we have to choose a spouse and I am getting to that now when we have to choose a spouse you know there are people smiling at me here and I know why let's say why weren't you here 20 years ago okay it's fine if you've already done it it's okay we can rectify but we have to talk to those we have to talk to those who have not yet chosen the spouse and even if you have try and go back and see the qualities that you have looked at and develop on them develop them when you choose a spouse the hadith says there are several things that people look at some people look at wealth الجمال some people look at beauty الحسب some people look at the status of the person and some people look at the نسب which is the lineage of the person and some people look at the deen and the religion of the person so many people don't understand this narration when the narration says فضفر بذات ديني تريبا تيادك the hadith says become successful by selecting the one with religion with character and conduct coupled with deen one narration the prophet says إذا جاءكم من ترضون دينه وخلوقه فزوجوه when a proposal comes from someone whom you are satisfied with their level of character and conduct or in fact starting with the level of deen and character then allow them to get married allow them to marry you're looking at two things character and deen which means if the character is great and good or equivalent to yours slightly higher and the deen level is equivalent to yours slightly higher then you stand a better chance for your daughter to be in a home where she will be happy get them married so why is it that when it comes to wealth and looks and so on some people think that in Islam you don't look at looks you don't look at looks as it is the women are supposed to be covered you don't look at looks that's wrong the hadith didn't say it looks the hadith is saying you see all the points you want to see but give the tip of the scale to the deen which means if you have someone who's dropped dead gorgeous and they don't have any deen in them and then you have someone who hasn't yet you know killed you you know what dropped dead means you died they haven't yet killed you with their looks but mashallah they can I don't know if you can say drop unconscious gorgeous if that's a statement it's slightly less than the DD you know so if someone comes and they are good looking okay they have a better deen in them it is better for you to compromise the looks to a certain extent and make sure that the religion is intact then to go only for looks because the plan of Allah is they will come a stage when that blemishless face will develop wrinkles if you have loved the outward face you will not be able to get along with that woman because if you have loved the interior it only blossoms as time passes with the wrinkles of the face the wrinkles of the heart disappear have you ever thought of that with the wrinkles of the face the wrinkles of the heart disappear because now when a person becomes old and aging they develop a link with Allah they become better they are worried about their death and the generations to follow and their children and now their grandchildren you now need to guide your sons and daughters how to get married so we are looking for someone who is reasonably reasonable looking someone who has a good voice I made mention of that the other day or was it yesterday when we did say that you know it's important to marry someone who has a voice that you are at least you know attracted to you cannot marry a person whom you don't like their voice at all it's not like they are bad someone else will come along and you will like that voice you know this is why we tell everyone sometimes in the Muslim home we are suffering because people and let's talk about some of the women folk and what the norm is because of television and the bombardment you have a certain shape that is acceptable and a certain shape that the media has made you believe is unacceptable I have come across men who have told me I prefer big woman I'm just letting you know the reason why I'm saying this is because no matter what size you are someone somewhere will definitely feel attracted to that Allah has created us differently so don't think for a moment you know what I'm not really so good looking why yes we should be healthy we should be concerned but not to the point of depression not at all because then the home goes you know how does the home fragment in that you find women prohibiting themselves from food and after a while they come to the sheikh sheikh I think my daughter has a gin why you know she sees things she sees things what does she see like stars like different things you know and they're not there you know I think there's a gin so people have come to me saying this and we look at them completely anorexic completely out of food and everything you say you know what the gin do not like dairy products so the minute you have some dairy products your gin will begin to disappear because that is you know it's like opposite poles and the gin doesn't like red meat you know in certain proportion and so on and you find wallahi I have had cases where they then tell you after that that alhamdulillah the gin is gone that was just malnourishment you couldn't you were dizzy while you were walking and all that because you didn't eat and you didn't eat because you worried about how slim you should be you know today if a woman is more than 45 kgs wow it's a problem why insha'Allah you can go up or down whatever it is for as long as you are healthy you can eat it and burn it and this is why a better way than to abstain from food is to have it and burn it out may Allah beautify our women for our men and I'm not talking about all the men but I'm talking about the husbands insha'Allah may Allah grant us good homes and may Allah beautify the men as well insha'Allah and the beauty of a man is more in his character and conduct than anything else believe me if you have a man whose mediocre looking and his character is brilliant he attracts much more than a person whose character stinks sorry to use that word a character stinks and he might be you know a very very muscular handsome man you know and the people will say no no no be careful this guy he's only got swear words from his mouth and sometimes a few moments later or a few days or months later people realize this man is not what the outward appearance says he is the same applies so this goes back to our point when we are choosing we can look at health sorry we can look at wealth we can look at various other things just that I mentioned health obviously we know in the sharia it's important to be healthy and if we have health matters that need to be known by the spouse you need to tell them prior to marriage you cannot hide something major if it's just a cough don't say look I don't know if you want to marry me I've got a cough but if it is something major then definitely it needs to be said so we can look at the issue of lineage the issue of wealth the issue of status and so on that is not to be given preference if those come without the religion we'd rather stay away that's what Islam teaches us because the success according to the end of the hadith the true success is connected to those who have become successful with the deen and now I want to pause for a minute to tell you a typical scenario when a person marries someone whom they have seen not dressed properly perhaps in a nightclub perhaps at a party perhaps you know doing something wrong and that has attracted the man and the two of them get to talk to each other and they decide after some time we'd like to get married and they marry can I tell you what has happened and I'm talking reality sometimes what happens is the woman at some stage realizes that I need to develop my spirituality so she wants to start covering her hair perhaps she wants to put on something the husband says look that's not the woman I married I didn't marry that woman so the fact that we were not dressed appropriately and we allowed someone to love our outer looks we become enslaved by that forever it may block us from developing religiously because the man will keep on saying look that's not the woman I married I married you because of how head and shoulders looked in your hair and I married you because of how the Levi's jeans looked on your legs and so on so if that's the case now I want you to dress like that forever if you don't I'm going to get another wife are you sitting saying but can't I get close to Allah my beloved sister it was a mistake that was made years back and I hope those who are not yet married we can take a lesson and I hope the brothers who are here if there is any one of us who might have made that type of choice allow them to the growth in spirituality don't be embarrassed by your wife when she covers up properly after she hadn't been doing that for long it will help you and your offspring remember when you sow a seed then it grows so you cannot sow a seed of cactus and expect apples to grow yes mind you there is a cactus fruit for as long as you rub off or you scrape off all the little the prickly points on it you might enjoy that cactus fruit I don't know if you have it here but who wants to handle that when you can have a proper apple Mashallah my beloved brothers and sisters the beauty of Islam is such that from the beginning whether it is the upbringing of the child or how to select a spouse Allah SWT has laws in place that will help you from the family fragmenting breaking up so if we follow the rules from the very beginning then we will find that the family unit will not break however sometimes we have as you know cases where we didn't look at that we might have overlooked it we might not have been that religious at that time and so on there are still solutions to see we are taught to attend the nikah to witness the nikah of people it is a sunnah to have it in the masjid when we are getting married it is an act of worship and it is in fact taught by the Prophet peace be upon him that as far as possible try to have the officiation within a masjid يجعلوها في مساجدكم according to one narration try and have it in the masjid because it's the house of Allah imagine you say I'm having my wedding I'm having my officiation and I'd like to have it at this hole or that hole it's okay it's not like it's not going to be valid but say I want to have it in the house of Allah the one who made me now I want to tie the knot in his house سبحان الله that is so blessed over and above that we need to know that we are encouraged to attend when other people are getting married you're encouraged to attend to be witness one of the reasons of that and the ulama have mentioned many reasons is that you need to ponder over your plight and condition when you are either a person who's married or you are not married or you've lost your spouse through divorce or death you cannot really be any other probability you're either married or not married yet or you've lost your spouse through death or through divorce so when you sit and you watch this this groom beautiful you watch them watch them properly and the imam says have you accepted her as your wife you find in a lot of cases especially you know the innocent ones when I say the innocent ones not those who have now gone out for 8 years and you know they probably have had you know how can I word it respectfully they have had relations deeper than what married couples would have had then they just want to halalize it 8 years later we don't want that to happen Islam has made marriage very easy Islam has made marriage very easy one of the reasons is let's not block our children from getting married sometimes you have a man who says I want you to finish your studies and so on it's important to finish your studies we are not saying no very important but don't you want to protect them from the sin that is being committed right now at the varsity when nikah is so easy you can put in your rules and regulations and there is no harm you can say look if we get a nikah done you will not live with one another until the age of until you complete your studies and so on but the link you have now is halal I'm only suggesting a solution and I'm not sure if some of you may find it applicable or not and we have tried to encourage some who have engaged in it and they have not regretted it may Allah protect our daughters and our sons notice I said daughters first because the daughters subhan Allah we are worried about our daughters more than our sons the son can tomorrow he can get up and find a job and do this and do that and he might even say dad I don't want to see you anymore out the daughter needs you tomorrow something happens you are the father so when we attend the nikah we are watching these people we ask ourselves when I was there so many years back how excited was I how excited was I this is something you need to ask yourself I was so happy and delighted today now 20 years 10 years 5 years 50 years later am I as happy or happier or not as happy the answer to that will help you rectify the problem you were so excited look at this man he's excited you know it's like some people say well that's his jail term he doesn't know when the Imam he's saying have you accepted that it's like saying you have been served with life imprisonment and he's saying yes that's not how Islam looks at it that's not how Islam looks at it we are to be thinking I was so happy can I tell you how happy they get once I was officiating a nikah you might have heard this in some of my lectures and there was a young boy very excited he was shaking and I was wondering whether he's shaking because of what's about to happen or you know he's shaking because of the excitement of the moment I'd like to hope it was the latter and I told him have you accepted her as your wife he says yeah I don't say yeah I say yes I have he looked at me and he says yes you have I said not me you I said not me you now this is the excitement imagine that's how excited they get that's how excited I think a lot of us were I'd like to hope we were why is it that today we are not as excited about our marriages that took place so long ago because somewhere down the line we have lost the path we have deviated there are some people who are married and perhaps in our midst for 40 years 50 years they are as happy as that and even happier may Allah increase the number of those I mean because they still have the little rose that comes about they still have and we are Muslims we don't wait for Valentine's and Valentine's days no no no every day is a day where you express your love every day is a day where you show your dedication every day is a day when you fulfill the duties of yours and above the duty you don't just stick to the duty I had a case once where a woman told me a wife told me you know my husband doesn't fulfill my rights so the husband says okay what are these rights she says I need to be paid for all the breastfeeding may Allah protect us you know I don't want to raise some people sometimes raise this and I think it's out of depression and sometimes out of trying to get back at someone and you know I need to be paid for this and that and all the cooking I did and what he thought I was just a worker and a slave and so on and I contacted brother what have you done here what is it why is she asking for all this he says no I was talking to her and I told her you know I give you more than your due and I said why do you why did you have to say that for what you need to understand that speak to the people lightly speak to them correct your spouse if the hadid says تبسوك في وجهي أخيك صدق to smile at the face of your fellow Muslim brother is a charity don't you think it is a greater charity to smile at the face of your own spouse because Islam believes in the notion Islam came with charity begins at home before English brought the saying alone خيركم خيركم لأهلي the best from amongst you are those who are best in their homes with their wives and children family members where did that come from محمد صلى الله عليه وسلم they coined it beautifully in English saying charity begins at home ما شاء الله so some people misinterpret it they take out 10 dollars a day that's my charity now I can go out let us realize my beloved brothers and sisters that if we have happiness equal to the day we were married we say الحمد لله الحمد لله and how can we achieve that so one moment let me explain to you there is something known as خطبت الحاجة which is normally read sometimes at the nikah I'm sure it is the same here in Malaysia so the Imam says يا أيها الناس اتقوا ربكم oh people be conscious of your maker الذي خلقكم من نفس واحدة وخلق منها زوجها وبث منه مارجالا كثيرا وكانه يا الناس خلقوا ربكم من نفس واحدة من نفس واحدة ومن نفس واحدة من نفس واحدة انها ترغب ومن اوه اوه انه ترغب انه يجب ان يجب ان يترغب المنطقة لترغب على الهر ولكلها وخلقوا الله so if we are conscious of our maker and conscious of the fact that Allah has created for us a spouse from us and conscious of the fact that we have a duty towards our offspring so that mankind can spread in a dignified manner throughout the earth and we look at the end of the verse it says we should be conscious of Allah the one whose name we use when we take an oath when someone tells you something that is not so easily believed say for example they tell you you know I jumped 3 meters you say you look at them and they say Wallahi I jumped 3 meters then you start thinking of a trampoline because now they telling you because initially they made like they just jumped 3 meters going up wow then you start thinking of something because why they said Wallahi when they use the name of Allah they take an oath with the name of Allah it changes the whole flavor of that statement so Allah says be conscious of that Allah whose name you use and be conscious of the wounds that gave birth to you and not only the wounds that gave birth to you but the wounds that are used that Allah سبحانه وتعالى has created for you to have come into existence and for this progeny to continue be conscious that's your mother that is your spouse that is your sister that is your daughter that is your aunt when Allah سبحانه وتعالى grant us the true respect of our women and may Allah سبحانه وتعالى guide our women that they can live their lives in such a way that they earn the respect of those around them I mean you know there are two sides of a coin we cannot only say that may Allah grant respect to one side without the other we need respect on both sides so that is the first verse notice I am highlighting consciousness of Allah if you are conscious of Allah of your maker and conscious of the fact that you are going to return to him and she is conscious of the fact that she is going to return to the maker in all times what will go wrong in your marriage what will go wrong you find there will be no flirting there will be no swearing there will be no fighting you know we are fulfilling whatever we have to and more than that to the degree that the husband actually says you know what Sunday just sleep I will bring you breakfast in bed Mashallah who says that's wrong is it wrong is it haram to do that some people say no I'm a Muslim my wife must make that breakfast okay fair enough fair enough we are not saying that this one or that one but you want to enhance the love in the home you might want to sometimes fulfill رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم used to help with the chores in the house the messenger peace be upon him he assisted milking the goats as well you know how tough that is الله أكبر I think we should go and try it and people are saying no this place is unclean look you haven't Hoover the carpet no problem all you've got to do is pick up the Hoover and say no don't worry I'll show you how it's done and show them how it's done there was once a man who was this is something that came to my mind because I said I'll show you how it was done it's not in the topic there was a man who met me when I was in India and he told me you know I'm a river I was a Hindu and I've accepted Islam and I am now a Mu'addin I call out the Adhan but my Adhan is not so good so the Mutwalli of the Masjid you know the person who is in charge of the Masjid he comes to me every time and says you don't know Adhan so I said who is he so he pointed at a certain man I said but brother do me a favor in my mind something crossed me and said I don't think this brother knows how to do Adhan himself and he is busy shouting someone else so I told him brother next time he tells you you don't know how to do Adhan tell him that do me a favor you show me how to do the Adhan and however you do I will repeat it so what happened is this brother he told the man but you know what okay you are telling me I don't know how to do Adhan please can you just leave the way show me once and I don't want to tell you how it ended that man was so upset and he realized he didn't know and it took quite a while to solve that matter but Mashallah it was solved the point I'm making is we need to lead by example sometimes we are complaining about dirt in the home we are complaining that the food is not done properly but we cannot even fry an egg to save our lives yes and if they say look you saying my food is bad okay show me how to cook once and I will do exactly like that Wallahi you just have to say oh that was awesome man awesome food so be reasonable think what we are saying there are some times in the home and this is also one of the reasons why a home breaks when we do not appreciate our spouse both ways the man goes out to work he wants to earn a living he comes back he is tired understand him tell him look you know what I really would like to talk to you and I really would like to spend more time with you but I think you are very tired and so understand it and this is not a green light to the man to say you know what you heard today we are tired when we come back from work so don't talk to me don't let that happen appreciate that look the man has gone out and the man is trying his best he is the one who has brought in the money that you are able to live in this posh house with and you have such a vehicle and perhaps a driver and a cook and so on and then when you have a meal that is made by your wife remember sometimes it takes long some of us are fortunate to have cooks you need to appreciate them too but at the same time in the most homes the spouse cooks the meal one small thing we only pick on the negativity you know she might get a recipe from her friend it took her one month to get the recipe emailing every please send it you know women I don't know if it's a problem in Malaysia but they are normally with recipes sometimes they say how was this pie made they say oh you like it that's my secret yes they don't want to let others know wallahi you take your secret to your grave is that okay give it to others wallahi I know in my own home when something is made normally I am told you know this recipe is from that woman somewhere across the globe and you say Mashallah so don't worry your copyrights will always be appreciated and acknowledged so she has got the recipe after trying so hard she came into the kitchen and what did she do she got the ingredients she went to this shop that shop this place that mall she brought in all the baking items and came in or the cooking items and then she got she perhaps might have bought a specific type of utensil that is needed or borrowed it or whatever and a great effort and she has the meal and this man is busy at work when he comes back it is something that is presented and she is waiting to watch what happens when we come in what's the smell here the same thing can be said in another way what's the smell you see the expression how it changes the meaning if I say what's the smell it means it's a stink and if I say what's the smell it means it's a scent how you talk in the home will develop your home it will protect it from breaking it will protect it how you speak how you speak your expressions on your face the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم teaches that to us the expression means so much because we spoke about the smile moments ago do you know what a smile does the other day I saw a message on my phone saying a smile is a curve that brings everything straight so it's a curve that brings things straight it might be correct it's a curve we ask Allah to grant us goodness these expressions we are very fast we are very very fast when it comes to expressions of the face on the face with outsiders come home and it changes look at yourself in the mirror have a little CCTV in the house by the door and see what you look like what's your own movie look at it and then tell myself why is my home breaking well you know what just watch your movie and then watch the real movie and see those who are not married pretending to be husband and wife in a movie what they do sometimes is you know far deeper than anything really married people have done Allah protect us obviously we are not you know encouraging people to go into the nakedness and so on but what we are saying is we are all guilty of knowing the depth of you know the Hollywood and Bollywood and so on and what all that we have in the sense that even that which we ourselves are guilty of destroying within our homes we watch others mending we don't even learn from that which is wrong Allahu Akbar I don't know if you understand what I'm saying if we cannot learn from قال الله وقال الرسول and we cannot learn from others who are enjoying a happy life then it's all over then it's finished because if you see others leading a happy life you learn from them number one then you will come to realize that but the messengers peace be upon him has something more than that I have explained in one of my talks that you know Aisha how the prophet was romantic in his home to the degree that he used to drink water from exactly the spot where she drank from and he would watch her to see that she is watching some of us are too big to do that in the home I am too high in my business or in wherever or you know I am too high in the religious rank to actually do that and when we go to the meat that was eaten once there is a narration which says that the prophet watched where she bit from this is his wife and he took it and rolled it to where she had bitten from and bit exactly where she bit from tell me what Valentine's day can come up with nothing that wife will melt she'll faint we need assistance we need assistance and that is something Islamic we are talking of Islam so if people say Islam and romance are two separate items that's not true Islam is a religion but we are taught to be romantic with the right people that's what we are saying today we can be romantic with all the others come home everything is gone this is the problem so Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم taught us when we begin to see how he lived there was a time when he took his wife and they were at a specific place and he decided look I want to race with you I want to see who's going to beat who here and he raced with her the first time she won and the second time he won later on in life and so on so these are the type of things that have been happening at the time of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and this is according to his time it was considered something very grand in his time so sometimes with us nowadays a little rose has a lot of value what's wrong if a person who's a big businessman you know comes with a rose hidden behind his his back and he comes and suddenly presents it to a wife whom he's been married to for 30 years anything wrong Islam doesn't say it's prohibited especially if it's on an ordinary day of the year no one will tell you anything or your wife might say who gave that to you that might happen yes that might happen because she will probably be shocked Allah protect us we need to develop it's not so difficult but we are guilty of being of drowning in our lives without looking at those who are the closest to us those who are the closest to us so Rasool الله صلى الله عليه وسلم has taught us so much so much yet we don't even know getting back to the verses that are read at the time of Nikah even the next verse Allah سبحانه وتعالى says يا أيها الذين آمنوا تقلواها or you who believe be conscious of Allah be conscious of your maker and this verse is repeated at the time of marriage it's خطبة الحاجة it is a khutba that is often repeated for most important items and the next verse the last one يا أيها الذين آمنوا تقلواها it starts in the same way or you who believe be conscious of your maker at all times know that you are going to return to him so in this you have someone whom you are married to she is also the sister of someone she is also the daughter of someone she is also the relative of someone she is very special and dear to her family members and you need to know you have taken her into your custody so to speak or in your care respect her and honor her and fulfill her rights and where she is going wrong there is a method of communicating with her of letting her know and that brings me to the last part of this third verse where Allah says وَقُولُ قَوْلًا سَدِيدًا utter that which is upright utter that which is straight سديد means straight make sure that you are conscious of your maker and you only utter that which is upright because 90% of marital problems are connected to how you use your mouth we have not been able to use it correctly there is a drought when it comes to good words and there is a flood when it comes to swear word that's what happening today we have a drought of good words and our mouths are flooding with bad words swearing in the house screaming, yelling when you raise your voice in the home your value is dropped forever if you yell at your wife once in her face sorry I need to say the other way around if you yell at your husband once in his face it's over you know we used to talk about wife bashing until I got so many e-mail saying brother we are bashed by our own wives it's husband bashing now الله أكبر so it's important for us to know either way respect one another understand one another speak to one another in a beautiful manner make sure you know this time you need to say words to your spouses and your children of reassurance you love your child let him hear it every day every single day the next time he wants to do something bad he say you know what my dad really loves me and I don't want to let him down I really don't want to this is not worth it some fathers are still of the old school you know I really with all respect to those who are older than me here but some fathers out of the old school where they will never ever utter those words in their lives to their children to say my daughter I love you I really love you you are the most special gem in my life you know what it does to a daughter when you say that it gives her reassurance it makes her feel the sense of belonging it gives her so much to be happy about in life it solves half of her problems in life just because she is gearing the reassuring words of her mother and father and the same applies to the spouse you know you love them but you need to say it again and again like we got to the food moments ago and you need to say this food is Mashallah it's really really great even if the salt is a little bit more because sometimes as I was saying she spent so much time bringing it in front of us and we are worried about how it's smelling number one and number two is we say as we tasted the salt is too much no salt is too much no what are you talking about she just looks at you and her face flops I've been at it for three hours here four hours I've been busy with this for so many months and what is she gonna say next time I'll try a bit better a bit harder that's if she's a good woman if not she'll say never gonna cook this again never gonna cook this again typical never gonna it's typical never gonna cook this again and if you have someone who's very witty the next time there's salt to be put in I'll call you to put it so we need to praise the cooking of our wives we need to praise their dress code especially for example I can let you know something that has worked for some people where you find some women you know they don't like to dress appropriately so the husband sometimes wants to tell them something there are two three ways of doing it you can either say this is very bad I don't want you to wear this and you know you might have a response but if you want a response from the heart what you do is you tell them the other dress look much better than this you see so you are praising one thing and that praise is not there when the other thing is there so you have told them in a way that this is what I really love and go beyond the limits in praise that's your wife don't worry you can say whatever you want to in terms of goodness like the food when you eat even if it is a little bit this way that way you know what it is praise the effort at least Mashallah you know let me tell you what has happened once they say the Imam in the Masjid said in fact two things have come to my mind the Imam in the Masjid said you need to praise the cooking of your wife just like I said now so the man went home and he had this meal and he was looking at it and looking at his wife and smiling and all happy Mashallah excited and everything and when he finished he says oh it was awesome and the wife says what I've been cooking for you for 21 years you never said that today when the food came from the neighbor it was fun to say it was awesome he says oh I'm sorry about that I didn't know it's like the other one the Imam he was telling the people you know he gave them advice in the Masjid about their wives that look you need to do this and do that so the man goes home very happy he tells his wife darling I'd like to carry you today oh I hope I'm not too heavy darling you know so anyway he carries his wife Mashallah and he's carrying what makes you do this my beloved what's happening here oh the Imam told us go home and carry your burdens Mashallah he carried my burdens Mashallah they told me to try the Malaysians out when it comes to humor we have tried them and Mashallah it's quite true Mashallah بارك الله فيك so let's understand that this is something long term we don't want to really we don't want to destroy our marriages because of little selfishness and because of a drought of statements it is free to speak you know you might have a tall gate with automatic clicking of your ring gates as you pass Mashallah at least your roads are okay but what about do you need to be paid to utter some women would probably be ready to pay their husbands to say I love you and I think vice versa as well so let's not do that so the point I am making is in order to protect the home from breaking we need to utter certain words we need to say things we need to never underestimate the value of a beautiful statement to your wife and your children never now let's get to a home that sadly things have gone wrong within I told you moments ago that when you are sitting and watching نقاح seeing someone one of the lessons you learn is to ask yourself I was there I was there why am I not as happy as I was that day there are some who are even happier for them we say نور على نور Mashallah but there are some who are not as happy ask yourself every time you attend the نقاح what went wrong where did it go wrong and let me try and look at where I went wrong don't just say no it was her you know she was like this that's not good enough look at where you went wrong so you can change and if really there is something wrong with your spouse you need to discuss it in a correct manner you need to talk yourself yourself you need to raise it respectfully don't bottle it in for many years and say you know for five years I've been bearing patients with you and she say well if you had told me five years ago I would have changed it that's what sometimes happens you bottling in with your own spouse for what some women say that we have to do it because really this man is a lion he might react in a different way he might react in a different way so رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم has taught us that when there is a difficulty between husband and wife they should communicate it out they should sort it out between themselves they should try their best to resolve the crisis you know before you go to bed before you recline you need to solve your matters have a big heart and become responsible people admit your guilt that is some you don't have to confess to your spouse what you've done but within yourself admit your guilt and change it if sometimes a spouse has to admit what they've done I think you know what a lot of marriages would be broken and Allah سبحانه وتعالى has protected us from them يا منظهر الجميلة وسطر القبيح you know one of the ways of calling out to Allah oh you who has only shown that which is beautiful and hidden everything that is embarrassing and very ugly Allah has hidden all that and this is both physically as well as when it comes to our dealings and so on our words when you meet a man you don't know his you just know him for face value you don't know how bad he is in the house and what he does when he you know swears his spouse some spouses will come and say oh this man really swears and you say who him but that man is in salah in the first five times a day yes him so you won't believe it he is the one but how الله أخبار so this is why we need to admit guilt admit it make sure that you know and change it within yourself say no she is right I am actually not being fair you know I am on my phone all the time or I am on the computer all the time and this problem is both male and female sometimes more with female as well every little thing that's my sister my someone give it a bit of time your spouse is in the home put the phone on the fridge on silent switch it off and now deal with him when he starts you can also then start yours and send him the message we need to know this a person who is in front of you is far more important than someone who wants to barge into the discussion who doesn't even live near me far more important we are taught that so what about your own spouse your own children gone are the days or should I say we should make the days go where we are so busy with our phones and our children are so busy on their computers doing all sorts of dirty items because we haven't even monitored and when we monitor we monitor with a stick gone are the days of the stick it doesn't work anymore what works is convincing speak to them engage them in discussion in order to do that you will need to apply your mind in order to apply your mind you need time and thinking and discussion with your spouse look we have seen for example someone came to me and told me I've seen my son watching pornographic sites on the net what should I do I need to tackle him should I kick him out of my home I said no that's the biggest mistake you would be making your responsibility should I block the internet from the home I said he'll get it on his phone so what do we do I said you need to engage him in discussion and show him what the evils of it are open up the discussion and explain to him what will happen how you lose interest in the opposite sex how you begin to disrespect your own spouse a male who sits and watch that which is pornographic will automatically look at all women as sex tools and so on there are so many things that happens and explain to him that you know what you're ruining your future and engage him in discussion and tell him Insha'Allah I will speak to you tomorrow or next week and let me know if you could not if you succumb to this weakness within the week and we will help you again so now he'll be honest and he'll come out and you are helping him you are assisting him but if we want to pretend from the outside that this relation is so beautiful the son comes and sits in front of his dad every day and you know his mind is filthy completely dirty but you can't see it may Allah protect our homes from that the second stage say for example you have spoken to your spouse you haven't solved the problem because it's now becoming a major problem people don't want to admit their guilt they don't want to change and people don't want to cater for the other tolerance in marriage is very important when you are a perfectionist you put pressure on your marriage do not be a perfectionist when it comes to the inside of your home and if you are a perfectionist outside you tolerate things inside the home because once you have a child you might have the child you know vomiting and the carpet you cannot get angry you might have the child urinate on your head you can't get angry that's your child sometimes it happens for Allah to train you regarding your temper because what are you going to do it's your own child I have a brother of mine a real brother of mine he was quite a temperamental person he had one son another son and by the time he had a third child all the temper was gone now he's cool calm person once in a while you find him losing his temper he probably will see this disc a bit later I'm worried about how to answer him but the point I'm making is valid that your children sometimes cool you down they calm you down they have to because they are your own children and they will do things don't get angry your spouse is only a human being she cannot you know make sure that everything is 100% perfect you know you have sometimes a frame on the wall you walk into the house and you say you know what that frame is not straight straight in it speak properly do me a favor you get the measure tape you measure around you correct it show us how it's done that's our rule in an Islamic home we have tolerance we tolerate one another we are different people a man is brought up totally differently from his own wife in a different home if you are brought up in the same home you probably not allowed to get married yes and the woman gives up absolutely everything to come and live with the man and next thing he wants to perfect everything even some women they have this perfectionist idea I'm not saying it is wrong to arrive at that level for yourself that's not wrong but to want that for everyone in a harsh manner is wrong you break your marriage because nothing is going to be perfect if the world was perfect today we wouldn't even be sitting here we wouldn't need to know why or how to help people whose marriages who have just been married or whose marriages might be suffering some turbulence in one way or another because there wouldn't be that turbulence so when people become too rigid and so on in their own and they cannot shift a little bit here and there you find things breaking up and cracking that brings me to a point what about in Dean if a person is not reading their Salah at all my beloved brother and sister one of two things either from the beginning you were reading your Salah both of you in that case you remind one another and you will appreciate the reminder of one another if you suddenly decide that right from today I'm reading my Salah show your spouse the same light that you saw and in the same way it took you time to get to that it might take her a little bit of time to get to that and you can try and convince her talk to her I know it is something that is very important Salah is a pillar of Dean but we are living in an environment that is not very Islamic sometimes we are living in the midst of 40% non-Muslim and we are living in an environment that not everyone reads their Salah so therefore as much as I know that Salah is without an excuse must be read but let's face the reality on the ground there are Muslim homes where Salah is not given importance so in order to start that you need to try and address the issue properly you know when we become holy in a marital home after we are married we cannot expect sometimes our spouse to follow suit immediately they may do in most cases but in some cases it might take a little bit of time and if you are going to be agitated and so on you might lose it all together so you have to tell them look at least read your Fajr and you started with one with two after a few months inshallah the five will have fallen into place this is my way of looking at things and it has worked at times there are two ways of solving the problem either through willpower you start immediately all your Salah that is ideal and that is the best way that is the proper way but sometimes it is better for a person to have read one than nothing and two than one and three than two and so on because we look at it if there are five Salah the minute you have read four 80% of your problem is solved you have a 20% problem and this is how we should be learning from one another but believe me since I am speaking to both brothers and sisters whenever there is an issue of religion give into it adopt it accept it understand that let us follow that which is better let us follow that which is higher when it comes to religion and Allah will open your doors one after the other that which is higher so if a person tells you you know what blessing appropriately you don't have to say look I was told by that sheikh that I can come slowly don't use that that's not the excuse that's never the excuse but say okay insha'Allah I will do that and I'm not going to be embarrassed at what people think of me the world can say what they want for as long as my maker loves me for that the hadith says من أرض الله بسخط الناس رضي الله عنه وارضا عنه الناس whoever pleases Allah and in the process receives or achieves the wrath of the people Allah will love that person and very soon the people will also love that person ومن أرض الناس بسخط الله سخط الله عنه واسخط عنه الناس whoever pleases the people and in the process displeases or angers the almighty the almighty will be displeased with that person and very soon the people will also be displeased with that person so you have to build your life today if people love you for the wrong things one thing can happen in your life and they will still hate you they will abandon you but if people love you for the right things you can't go wrong الله أكبر may Allah SWT help us develop may He help us really within our homes we have so many difficulties and issues so when there is a difficulty we haven't been able to solve it the Quran speaks about the Hakamain the Quran speaks about the Hakamain before the Hakamain there is one way of resolving matters a slight separation may help sometimes you are within the same home but you might want to think over your relation and when we say a slight separation we've got to look at who's wrong here we've got to look at who's wrong and what the problem is and try and ponder over solutions a lot of the times in separation we mix with friends who tell us yeah, fix him don't worry just sort her out divorce her, come on you can get this no shortage of women I was told that women here in Malaysia are much more in number than the males I can hear people saying 5, 6 I don't know what those figures are supposed to be standing for but to be honest with you whatever it is it is very wrong to advise your friend to say you know what leave her you'll get someone else someone might do that to you one day then what will happen tell your spouse leave him, get someone else and you don't know it was a direct result of the wrong advice the breaking of the home of someone else in Islam we do not break a home unless it's the last resort we don't break a home so in separation mix with the right people your best friends are those who are hard on you it's a fact my beloved sisters my beloved brothers your best friends are those who can tell you as it is they tell you what you do not want to hear those are your best friends listen you know what I think you're wrong come on he's such a good man look at the positives of it how could you walk out like this and you're sitting with tears in your eyes saying no he's done this okay we know what he's done we'll talk to him we'll explain to him but don't now give him another chance that's your friend that person is genuine they are thinking of you your children they are mature in their thinking not the modern Hollywood thinking where something small happens one SMS on the phone divorce him go home that's what's happening if that was the case it's so easy to break the marriage of a person all you need to do is just send an eye I really love you more than she does to his phone and the marriage is over she just has to see it and let it beep at 2 in the morning beep beep under the pillow and whilst he's snoring she picks it up that moment she's gone home already when you get up she has a note it's like they say the two of them who were not talking to one another the husband had to leave following morning and they weren't talking so the husband writes a note for his wife on the dining room table saying please get me up at 5 I know we're not talking but get me up at 5 o'clock some of you know this already so the following morning the man gets up at 10 he looks at his clock and he says oh no anyway after a while he sees a note by his bedside saying it's 5 o'clock which means they were not talking to each other she was there she woke him up also with a note so sometimes we wake up we see a note I'm gone my beloved brothers and sisters if even a little separation cannot help we move to the next stage bring in someone respectable from your side whom you trust and whom you will accept their solution our problem is we bring in a party from our side she brings in a party from her side the two of them get together they meet us they discuss the problem they present the solution and we say no I'm not ready for that that's wrong Islam has a different outlook الله سبحانه وتعالى says if the intention of both parties is to solve the problem it will be solved but if one of the parties is trying to prove that the other one was wrong and this one is trying to prove that that one was wrong you won't find a solution no solution because the minute someone says no you need to do this no he was wrong or she was wrong I want her to admit her error and she was wrong is this is this a meeting in order to prove who was right and wrong if that's the case we may not move forward put it back behind you and promise from today we are not going to do this and from today we are going to start a new leaf that is a way even with the maker with الله سبحانه وتعالى when we have engaged in sin we have to turn a new leaf الله does not remind us of the past every time and Allah does not say remember that day you did this and that day it's wiped out it's gone it's finished you started a new leaf and a new life and it's over سبحانه وتعالى that's the love of Allah so within our homes we need to know that if you have had a problem in the past and you've solved it don't raise it again don't raise it people have the bad habit Shaytan makes you say but you know from the very beginning you've been doing it and the problem was solved and then it comes into a new problem so the two parties that have come together that you have appointed one she has appointed one and they discuss you need to appoint people you respect whose solution you will adopt so when they come and say look we'd like you to give it another chance and we think you know you need to improve on X, Y and Z and he needs to improve on A, B and C and this is what needs to happen you surrender to what you have decided because you both want to solve the matter if after that you still find the problem reappears it comes back and so on and you find that now you are unable to resolve that matter then Allah SWT has permitted divorce as a last resort as a last resort and to be honest some cultures and religions do not allow it whilst others take it for granted Islam has a middle path and Islam teaches you that it is not something you should be playing with and it is not something that the almighty loves but as a solution as a last resort in order to protect you and your sanity we have allowed it to happen and this is why Allah SWT has permitted it so we have ways of resolving the matters and the problems and these are some of the ways that I have mentioned this evening how to resolve matters we appoint parties and even before that we talk amongst ourselves and I'd like to mention a point even before that introspection is important what is the meaning of introspection look at your weakness ask yourself what do I do how can I improve myself let me tell you how people go wrong number one is time we spoke about time T-I-M-E time time is such that if you don't spend it with the right people at the right times you may destroy your home some people don't have time for their wives they're working every day all day morning to evening come weekends I'm on shift I'm on what weekend shift I'm on call that can happen once in a while but not every day you also need a break your wife also needs to and your children also need you you have another role to play as a father of the home or the mother of the home the same applies to mothers in some countries you find children are astray completely astray why? mother is not there father is not there they have an au pair they have a maid they have a child minder who looks after the child so you find that they accept the religion of the child minder they speak the language of the child minder they have the habits of the child minder their best friends are people who are who are similar to that child minder and when they grow up you are wondering what's happened to my child it's not your child it's the adopted child of the child minder and you gave them up for free adoption just using the home as a dormitory you just came in and walked out no that's not fair you can have a child minder but there are limits you need to know I need to work and I need to come home so the issue of time is extremely important and quality time you know going out for a break some of us myself included we are not very outdoor people not very outdoor people if you had to invite me to a talk I'd come faster than if you invited me when you see animals I'd rather see human beings but sometimes you have to gulp it down for the sake of your family and children you need to go for the sake of your family and children you need to have the outing and you need to pretend like you enjoyed it you know what you probably will enjoy it when we have another tea what is that tea the issue of trust we said time now we talk of trust some people for every small thing they don't trust their spouses every small thing remember suspicion and doubt is a cancer that doesn't have a cure besides the chemotherapy by the person himself or herself it's a cancer it's a disease if you are a suspicious person you are sick don't suspect and don't want to know everything who was that why was that why did you say this who did you talk to what happened when you complained to say you know what after I speak on the phone I have a conference why did you say this or you know three minutes into your discussion I heard you say that what did they say for you to say come on leave the man alone let him have his discussion he's a good man he looks after you and so on and so forth you know one or two little weaknesses you can discuss and so on if something comes to the fore yes you're discussing don't go leave them a little bit of that trust that you have and allow it allocate it sometimes you know you might misunderstand things within the home such that you will want to break a marriage and the man is innocent and the same applies to the female sometimes she's innocent and you know we start doubting no I think this is going on and we believe anonymous callers this is something bad someone anonymously emails you you know I saw your wife do this or I saw your husband do that if they were brave enough and loved you they would come with their name and face but anonymous someone calls you and say you know your husband has fathered a child with someone else all they want is I love him so much he's such a good man I don't know how to get him away from you this is the only plan I thought of I'm waiting for you to divorce him so therefore he has fathered a child somewhere else and you go in the home yes very bad I believe this and I'm going and once you out she comes in and says wow and she said I'd like you to give many years ago I'd like you to use this example she flicked off she flicked off the wife of a man who she wanted to marry and she married him and she was divorced as he found out what had happened because they were so happy until one day she said you know how you divorced your first wife how? and she related the story and he immediately left her and he went away and by that time things too late they were cracks and breakages and to me I blame both parties the criminal was the one who invented the lie but the one who believed the lie was equally guilty Allahu akbar why should we do that when the Quran says إن جاءكم فاسقوا بنبئين فتبينوا when someone comes to you with news authenticated thoroughly before you believe it because the mere fact that they are discussing someone else in your presence renders them sinful Allahu akbar that's a different translation I've given you this evening I actually subhanallah normally we translate it by saying when a sinner comes to you with information verify it the reality is even when a person comes to you with information the fact that he is now talking about someone else it would render him a backbiter unless you have had four witnesses to it which then renders them truthful people especially when it is the discussion of immorality and when it is the discussion of adultery and so on may Allah SWT protect us all so trust is something important we've spoken about time we've spoken about trust and how valuable it is to trust one another and we hope and pray that Allah SWT can grant us happy homes help us to resolve our matters and problems and we ask Allah SWT to give us all the smiles every time not only here in Malaysia or in KL or in this venue but in our homes with our children and with those whom we are the closest to really it's about time we stood up and it's about time we were responsible and it's about time we realized the broader picture and it's about time we learned the beautiful religion we are following a lot of Muslims do not know Islam a lot of Muslims do not know solutions that Islam has and yet the Quran teaches us the Sunnah teaches us the Sharia that Allah has revealed teaches us when it comes to certain laws some people consider barbaric sometimes those are the only solutions for you in your problem the only solutions but when we don't want to adopt something sometimes we find you know you have the separation and the segregation in the Sharia you visit my home ما شاء الله you are more than welcome but there is a line there is a limit which you and I will not cross which others might cross but as Muslims we don't you don't just sit and laugh and giggle with my wife up to two in the morning when I am going to sleep because even if the two people were good and innocent Shaytan is very bad so someone says no they are responsible human beings the Shaykh told us to trust them trust them do not give reason to someone to doubt you that's also a qualifying statement whilst we are saying you must trust one another do not give reason for them to doubt you no don't so some people are guilty they might say look you supposed to trust and so on and yet you find them when they go out they are dressing so well with all their perfume and their wife is being left at home where are you going if that question doesn't come about I think she might not be a human being it's normal to ask look hey I see you really taking so keen interest every day you dressing up and so on and this is why in Islam and this is for the sisters a lot of us men as well perhaps we are guilty when we leave the home we like to talk up that's the word I use you know dress up well leave the home so all the men on the street wow and when you come home we are in our cooking clothes up to two in the afternoon husband comes I don't want to go back to that smell but subhanallah we have not even dressed to welcome him into the home yet it is more important for a Muslim to dress in the most attractive way within the home than when they are leaving the home today we are doing the opposite guilty as charged we are doing the opposite imagine every time your husband comes or say you know as a husband you go home and you are best dressed looking proper and smart and mashallah smelling so good and you come in with that smile the same smile we are not asking for a bigger one the same smile you give the people at work come and try it at home its effects will be far greater believe me and they will be Halal as well الله أكبر so my beloved brothers and sisters here we have a beautiful religion the only thing I have done tonight reminding one another myself to begin with to say we can achieve it its not impossible we can its beautiful but we need responsibility and we need to protect ourselves from all the different magnets around us that are pulling us towards negativity by staying in the center and creating that positivity being happy with what you have at home and being happy with your spouse and your children spending time with them the best feeling you could have is when your children race to you and hug you oh dad I missed you you know mom I really missed you and so on what feeling would you like better than that in terms of the home environment may Allah سبحانه وتعالى bless our homes on this occasion we pray for those who are suffering turbulence may this be may this be a means of resolving your matters and may this be insha'Allah an occasion where those who are suffering some form of turbulence can go back and look at their leaves turn a new leaf and solve their problems may Allah سبحانه وتعالى grant us an understanding the understanding of one another the understanding of the laws of Allah سبحانه وتعالى may He make us responsible people and may He give us every reason to smile until we meet again السلام عليكم ورحمة الله