 hello everyone hi it's been such a long time since we made a video and yeah it's good to be back it's good to see your smiling faces wherever you're watching this video from maybe good to share that we had to be strategize a little bit yeah also because of Elaine's work and schedule so yeah and I tend to overthink a lot of things so I was questioning why we're doing this and you know I didn't want I didn't know you wanted to go there it's okay people can know it's it's not easy combining a thing like this with like a full-time job and other things you want to do so it's good to reflect on your motivation from time to time and we butt had we butt had we butt had it butted head we butted heads yes but we were able to work it out so that's why we are here I expected us to start but okay yeah it's good to be transparent and I think it's okay to not be okay and we take a step back and we strategize yeah yeah yeah so today we want to go about doing something also lights something Elaine found on Instagram this morning yeah so as you can see with the title we're gonna answer these questions so the question it's not questions so we're gonna react to the signs that you're in a healthy relationship yeah so we're gonna react to these statements see if we agree or maybe we're not in an healthy relationship it might be yes so that's why I have my phone so I can read from it it's actually from the word I'm talking to this guy I was excited to use about this video it's actually from that we're not really strangers page Ram yeah which is also the game we play once a month oh yeah our dog Nala as you know probably will link the video she's around she's was right by the setup yeah we have a big light here so she was like yeah when I set up the dome she was like no way that big so she was running away at yeah but we're managing yeah as very new parents it's been on win a week so yeah that was a nice nice side conversation but we have to get back into the juice of it and nine signs that you're in healthy relationship one their feelings for you are clear there's nothing to decode or Google yeah I think yeah I see that with us I mean it's pretty plain yeah I was straightforward I know what you feel for me and I think you also know what I feel for you and we express that in different ways as in we do know yeah yeah it was funny okay maybe you're gonna say like no don't share it in the video but this morning so I already shouted everything I don't work anything from home and then I was like getting ready to get into the shower so he was naked and then I'm like any love so hard and I also love because it's special that I mean we've now known each other for seven years yeah it's a long time and when I see it not all the day all the day I'm like oh but sometimes you have these moments I just still like I think it's thank you thank you thank playful way to express it but yeah it's nice it's nice you would know when this person has feels for you depending on whatever it is whether you're joking whether it's romantic whether it's exceptionally romantic or friendship friendship you know or sexy yes I mean that by exceptionally romantic I mean there's romantic normal and there's over the top yeah yeah what do you mean please go to the next one okay I just wanted to understand okay too you love the reality of the relationship not just its potential a lot of people are gonna be burned by this one why I think a lot of people love the following love with the idea they have of the person and not the person itself right they like the idea they fall in love with the idea of love what they love love but not or they love what the person represents yeah maybe the person is rich maybe the person is powerful maybe the person is confident they also want that in your life maybe yeah you try the idea of having such a person in your life maybe the person is generally cool and you think that yeah I also want to have such a person as my partner or well that's clear that for me even what I don't think anybody would be like it's fine why wait all I saw you the first time laughing at myself because when I saw you the first time I thought you actually like yeah no I'm not cool that's what you think I'm not one of the cool kids I'm not yeah but I know that of myself that's what I know my potential is not in the cool corner okay okay but no that's not what I saw and that's not what I see yeah so what is the reality then of me or of our relationship I've been telling you several times you're bad ass you're super cool like you're very assertive confident and that's sexy as well yeah okay so you are cool okay yeah but nothing like the cool kids I don't what's cool kids kind of I don't know maybe I'm too much in high school yeah okay next I don't know where went okay three conflicts feels constructive not destructive not all the time yes not all the time to be fair in the beginning usually is hot yes till you you know it simmers down and you break it down realize okay this is what you can yeah do about it but I mean in the beginning of the relationship or you mean in the beginning of the conflict usually when the conflict escalates okay please sometimes it's too hot to seem constructive yeah but I have to say because we are already together for a longer period yeah the if we don't have that many arguments anymore we kind of know the signs like oh crime is frustrated because of this oh elaine is upset because of this and you you you kind of recognize that or acknowledge that and then you have the common ground to move forward but when we have a very fundamental discussion about things that go really deep which is where we are now in this in a relationship those things are constructive is all you mean then they get very heated okay but we don't have hot fights about dishes or I don't know yeah miscommunication or okay I want this from you but I don't dare to ask and no these kind of things we've already done yeah yeah I understand was that number three yeah for the relationship doesn't require a specific set of circumstances to feel good a lot of people are gonna feel this one really why you say that you read it because you your voice is nice to listen well the relationship doesn't require a specific set of circumstances to feel good okay so I've sometimes when I was with somebody and I was like if we were on an island a remote island with two of us what if then it would have been perfect yeah but because in real life and the challenges that it throws yeah and it doesn't work then you like it feels like you're you yourself not you're trying to fool yourself or you're like oh but when we're it's just two of us then it's fine fine yeah or what we go on vacations or we do this yeah we do this yeah but just being there in the same space most of the time when Elaine is watching TV and I'm on my phone and just existing together still feels good yeah so it doesn't need special circumstances to feel that kind of way which I agree yeah yeah and I think you should of course it should feel nice when it's just a tool of you but it should also feel nice when I'm with my friends and you're doing you're at home doing something or like it just in real life it just feel should feel good in general yeah I agree not like on a remote island just the two of us and like a honeymoon kind of setting yeah I agree I agree so point number five you don't have to hide your needs to keep the peace you do not have to hide your needs are you hiding your needs no are you sure no I'm not hiding my needs at all okay well some of my needs I'm hiding yes not necessarily hiding but it's not a need that is I can provide or it's not a relationship need you got a mean so I guess I need I need I need a like two Sony FX6's no that's something I think they're talking about what you need in a relationship or what you need to like so maybe how you want to be loved yes yes you don't have to hide how you want to be loved and what you demand from the person to you know keep the peace but I do have to say not that I am hiding my needs and there's no peace but it takes time before somebody really gets you especially if we are both loving differently and it takes some time to figure out the DNA and how to recognize it because it's like it's not a manual like step one do this step to do no life happens and on the go you have to love each other so it's not like step one two three it's like step one 16 28 38 like you go everywhere you have to be ready for it so yeah I think it takes time yeah and it's okay to take time and sometimes you need to also advocate for yourself what you need and it's okay if that doesn't bring peace immediately but as long as it's constructive so you're adding a bit of the previous points into it yeah as well yeah because I I think especially women sometimes make themselves small to facilitate what the partner wants it's often women not all the time but what I see around me and to keep the peace or to keep him close or that's what he likes but what about you yeah what do you like yeah because your piece is also at stake yeah so for me it's always better to talk about it but I know people disagree with that so and this one I think is very simple if your partner is not celebrating let me just read it your growth is celebrated not criticized yeah yeah your growth is celebrated not criticized if your partner is not celebrating your wins it's not even your wins as in even for the most part the conflicts arises from certain career changes and where it takes the people take takes the people yeah that are going through those changes those wins sometimes changes the routine changes being present together and all those things but even your personal emotional wins are also very important maybe there are some things that you like an example like yesterday so I was on a work outing and it was with the team that I a team from different countries that I didn't meet and I was invited to stay over and it was like uncomfortable because I didn't know these people and then on Thursday I would have my session with my team with the other team then I explained to grab like oh we're gonna do something that's quite like not what we've been doing all week so it's quite creative and more like out of the box so I'm wondering how they're gonna react and then this man this wonderful man just response like oh that sounds amazing I'm so proud of you I'm sure it will work out and it's nice to read because then it's like oh yeah it's gonna work out you know it's just like a reminder so I do believe in you I've seen I've seen her in action there's no way I'm gonna doubt the things that she she brings up in terms of creative business ideas it's just I'm not saying this because she's my wife or my friend or I've known her for that long she's just really good I've seen the things she's executed even when she was an intern at the Netherlands Embassy my wife is the best business developer but can I add some a critical note because I don't think that support necessarily means that you're always only celebrating I think support can also mean thinking through things and be critical together yes yeah so for example when you had the idea that you wanted to go freelance yes I celebrated that and I wanted you to do that but remember we also made a plan in counting down the days and what you needed to do when in order to be ready because it's not something that you just do overnight you need to think it through how are you gonna cope mentally what should we prepare for how we got how are we gonna you know manage because suddenly you are home all the time like what does it mean for our household and all these things yeah and so it's okay to be critical but you shouldn't like put somebody's ideas like make them small and not not like pursue it yeah but you can't help them by also asking critical questions maybe they're not always open for that but in the end it might help them in their process yeah right yeah oh okay lecture over it no I was in seven oh sorry you love who you are when you're with them as self-explanatory if you don't feel like yourself yeah if you have to stop yourself from doing certain things maybe because it's goofy or weird in whatever way and you just can't be comfortable no okay I can even give it an example from last night so wow so much happened last night guys it's amazing so many so many last night yesterday two days ago this vlog was meant to happen this week because I was good okay last night I was I mean I've had some things with my body that have been a bit of like I've had a lot of risk paid and some other things I will not share YouTube but risk paid for example and sometimes I just need to tell one person so that somebody knows and it gives me kind of a piece of mind like oh I'm struggling with this it's really like influencing my days so I literally told her a bed like about to sleep like I need to do like a weird update on my body and he was like well so I like no it's fine but let me just like so I could even though it it was something I was uncomfortable sharing but I still knew there was like space for it yes and the same space with me to do it yes and by saying like it's something where he knew that he shouldn't go laugh at me or like I announced it like this is a bit like vulnerable so please just listen and then I can let it go afterwards and today I haven't thought about it as much so it does help so that was my example okay number eight that was voice over right there yeah they make you feel loved even when you don't feel lovable it's true so do you have an example yeah I can be annoying with some of the things I can be very stubborn as well with some of the things that I want to do or some of the things how I want to do certain things or when those instances how when why and all like sometimes they've been announced it I just do it and she still doesn't make me feel like yeah it's such a terrible thing or it's so difficult to even be with you or I love you when you don't you know share some of these things or make us explore together or make me part of the process so that's that's an example yeah I think my example is I really always really focused on productivity so when I rest I always feel a bit like watch yeah the crowd is really good and like oh yeah do you like yesterday just chill yesterday I came home and I was just so tired like my brain was buzzing with everything from work I just wanted to eat and then watch some trash TV I call trash to be when it's like I mean it's reality TV but I don't have to think too much like keeping up with the Kardashians wow trash TV keeping up love is blinds or I'm now watching the ultimatum yes okay we will go into that discussion at the time and then like they can I watch some trash if you can just be and he's like oh yeah and he just like goes around those and nothing yeah so even when I feel like I'm not really loveable right now I can't talk I just want to watch TV and do nothing when you still love the hell out of me yeah and number nine is it's frankly just a bonus it's not discussable if you're reading this there's a particular person that comes to mind yeah yeah I think that's also a good thing yeah so if you go through all these points that you just listened and there's somebody that comes to mind it makes sense that this person makes you feel this way then yeah it's healthy relationship that you're in yeah and I think this can also I mean we are now applying it to our partnership but I think you can also apply to friends you can apply to friends you can apply to family maybe not so sure about work because that's nowhere those things are practiced most of the times workplaces are not the most safe places to well it depends if you meet I mean I met a lot of friends at work but but I wanted to add one more thing to that you could really be yourself because if I think about my previous relationships that I'm not in anymore and of course you're not in anymore I don't know why I added that maybe you just don't talk yeah I'm gonna find it you're interesting so I all that I think we should cut it out because it's really unpleasant to listen to no that's just my cue to tell you that I'm not gonna cut it out so if you've watched it up to this point in the video I didn't cut it out sorry I wasn't getting really hot like it's not going well yeah so we're gonna end it here so nine things that can be the thumbnail nine things to show that you know how to relationship out because your hand was not showing a bit so it's like ten nine things that you're in a healthy relationship do you tick all the boxes if so nine are there any other things yeah that should be added yeah no I don't think so so yeah so maybe people think so if you yeah if you think there's something to add just let us know yeah but this is our version of well relating to what we read from Instagram on we're not really strangers page we'll catch you in the next video my name is Kwame I'm Elaine and this is me plus you it's us and we'll catch you in the next one