 The narcissist teaches you to erase yourself. The narcissist teaches you to erase yourself through use of coercive control. This is also known as coercive abuse or coercive manipulation. This is where the narcissist will force you to act in an involuntary manner by use of threats or force. They will make you do something against your desire, consent or willingness by inflicting physical, emotional or psychological pain, injury, damage or hostile action. This can be achieved by persuading or convincing you, causing you to believe that something is true or real when it is not. The narcissist will intimidate you into submission to make you do what they want without any regard for your individual desire or volition. This is designed to force you into obedience to make you comply with an order or request. The most common examples of coercive control are unreasonable demands, intimidation, threats or pressure, name calling or bullying behaviour, restricting daily activities, financial control or monitoring of your spending, stalking and wanting to contact, controlling how you spend your time, taking or destroying your possessions, restricting your access to communication or information, isolating your behavior, isolating you from family or friends, depriving you of money, food or sleep. When you have been with the narcissist for a long period of time, you will become convinced that things that you once thought were not true are true. What you once believed to be true, you will believe is not true. You no longer know what is real. You no longer know what is fact and what is imagined. What is right or wrong, good or bad, okay or not okay. Coercive control causes you to become perplexed and confused. It makes you feel doubtful and uncertain. The narcissist makes you feel as though everything you are doing is wrong. They are not right. They make you feel as though you are always at fault. You are always doing something wrong, even if what you are doing is completely normal. They will blame you as though you are doing something bad. The narcissist does this to gain control over you. To establish the power to influence or direct your behavior and the course of events. To prevent you from doing something. To keep you under their control over their limits. To maintain influence or authority over you. The narcissist wants to control you because they are envious and jealous. They want to take things away from you and they don't want anyone or anything to take you away from them. The narcissist may have also experienced something in the past which led to a significant loss or wound in their lives. Which made them feel as though they need to have more control over their environment. They then develop this mindset that they will not let anyone or anything else hurt them. So they control everyone and everything around them to prevent this from happening again. This comes from their own insecurities, fear and low self esteem. They can't stand the thought or idea that they have no control over you or your life. It frustrates them. It causes them to become upset or annoyed as a result of being unable to control you. They want to control you because they see you as an extension of them and your feelings, actions and behaviors have a direct effect on them. They are happy, they are sad and when you are sad they appear to be happy. Anything that you do when you are around them can affect them emotionally. It can cause them to become dominant and aggressive towards you. They want to contain or domesticate you. Make you less powerful and easier to control because your feelings, actions and behaviors have a direct effect on them. If they can contain or domesticate you it feeds their ego. It regulates their emotions and boosts their self esteem. It makes them feel powerful and in control which compensates for how powerless and insecure they really feel inside. They want to make you accept their expectations and way of thinking and living as normal or usual. Having to witness your positive emotions fulfilling actions and behaviors which may have a direct effect on them and cause them to experience mental or emotional strain or tension. They will isolate you from friends or family members who know you people who might remind you of the person you are or the person you used to be the person that you are meant to become. They might remind you of your neglected qualities or characteristic traits. They might remind you of your individual desires or expectations these are all threats to the narcissist's control over you. The narcissist has to get you to adopt their expectations their way of thinking and living to be able to contain or domesticate you. They have to keep you away from people who will be able to tell you that something is wrong or that you are very different from the person you used to be. They might even brainwash the people around you or pressurize them into adopting radically different beliefs about you by using systematic and often forceful means. When you have a target of coercive control your perspective is twisted out of shape distorted it might come across as very strange or abnormal to people who knew you before you were targeted you can no longer think or see in a clear manner you don't know what is right or wrong it completely changes the way you view yourself the world and other people the narcissist uses coercive control to change how you think it has an effect on your emotions, actions and behaviors they change the way in which you view love they redefine love if you do not agree with their interpretations they will punish you they will project their insecurities onto you shift the blame onto you use gaslighting give you the silent treatment it takes the focus off their original act of abuse and makes you reflect on yourself it makes you feel as though you have done something wrong even though you are the one being abused it controls you to not confront them again it teaches you to accept or ignore your problems or difficulties the narcissist defines what is right and what is wrong they define what is suitable or proper in the circumstances with no regard for your individual desire or volition you may dislike the way things are or the way that they are treating you in the beginning but over time it becomes normal you no longer expect anything relating to your individual desires the narcissist defines the treatment that you deserve and you adopt it thinking that it is normal they define what is right and what is wrong and they expect you to change what will be different to be what they expect they might act as though they care about you or they are trying to help you but they are just trying to control you to make themselves feel more comfortable no matter how much you change about yourself they will never be satisfied they will always expect more and more from you without any reciprocation from them they don't want to be happy or satisfied with you they just want to see how much you are willing to do to please them it feeds their ego and boosts their self-esteem it makes them feel as though they are something significant or important something desirable or valuable as a target of coercive control you begin to lose the person that you used to be you begin to neglect your qualities abilities and characteristic traits you begin to neglect your passions and interests you forget what was once important or meaningful to you and the narcissist teaches you to participate in this they teach you to take part in the process of erasing yourself it changes and erases you at a core level you no longer know who you are once the narcissist has erased you they begin to adopt your qualities, abilities and characteristic traits your passions and interests things that were once important or meaningful to you and you begin to adopt their expectations their way of thinking and living their personality their qualities and characteristic traits you begin to switch personalities with them you can find yourself staying in these relationships for long periods of time because the narcissist uses intermittent reinforcement when they are hurting you and you start to realise that it is not normal they deliver a reward sometimes at irregular intervals intermittent reinforcement is a powerful manipulation tactic that keeps you trauma bonded to the narcissist it keeps you addicted to the hope of receiving a reward despite evidence that you are at risk of danger or harm it creates instability within you but drives you to become a source of constant stability to the narcissist intermittent reinforcement is used to strengthen the trauma bond when you start to realise that what they are doing is not normal they suddenly become friendly, generous or considerate it makes you think that maybe you got it wrong or maybe you are being too sensitive as soon as you begin to believe that they start hurting you again when you are fighting for emotional survival and chasing validation from the narcissist it makes you believe that you are responsible for the validation it makes you believe that they are not validating you or treating you with kindness or respect because of something you have done wrong so it keeps you chasing after their validation it becomes a sadistic game to the narcissist it can keep you attached to them to the unpleasant acts of psychological abuse or physical violence they diminish you, making you less impressive or valuable they isolate you and programme you to rely or depend on them for your sense of self-worth they condition you to seek them as it provides you with a temporary state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint even though they are the source of your pain and emotional distress heal your uncertainty of the intermittent reinforcement by meeting it with a certainty that you are dealing with an emotional manipulator stop believing in what they are saying or displaying to you detach yourself from them ground yourself in reality restore your balance and sensibility identify and track the pattern of their intermittent reinforcement identify that their friendliness, generosity or consideration is not real or genuine this will disrupt the cycle of their intermittent reinforcement before it can begin again thank you for watching I hope this video resonated with you if you liked this video please share and subscribe click the bell icon to receive notifications for my future videos if you would like to donate my PayPal link is in the video description coaching enquiries you can email me at www.narchsforvecoaching.com check out the immersion dice in the Narchsforve store where you can purchase your own Narchsforve t-shirt, tank top or mug the link is in the video description thank you for watching