 What's up everybody. This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and today I am joined by a guest. Go ahead and tell us your name real quick. My name is Charlotte under it Hey Charlotte. So yes, this is Charlotte and before I have her do a full introduction I just want to let everybody know that we're gonna be talking about some serious subjects here We're gonna be talking about depression and suicide. So if these are things that triggered you just be warned And yeah, let's go ahead and proceed. So yeah, Charlotte go ahead and do me a favor and introduce yourself to my audience Let them know who you are and what you're all about Well, I write a lot. I do blogging make books But I also predominantly do a lot of Twitter to raise awareness and provide a support network for people Yeah, so so yeah, it's interesting too because like I actually met Charlotte via Twitter Like I go on there like I am not as active on Twitter as I should be but yeah, I stumbled across Charlotte I saw what she was doing. I was like, you know what? Let's talk some time. So yeah And by the way, everybody who's watching this I will be putting links in the description for all of Charlotte's social media So you can get in touch with her and all that kind of stuff. So yeah, so you mentioned that you You write books and stuff and I'm I know about your book. I will be honest I have not read it yet, but it's called after suicide. Can you Let us know kind of what that books about Well, it's focus on my dad and his suicides because he died in 2014 And I thought there wasn't enough support for people that were bereaved by suicide. So I wanted to sort of Be a friend to people That maybe just want to get lost in a book and just give them some support So it just outlines the events before during and after His suicide and my recovery. So it's a bit of a self-help, but mainly What do you describe as just a friend in the books? No, that's an awesome description. I might I might Know and that and absolutely like that's part of why I do what I do I just and I think you've realized that too There's not there's not enough mental health support and we do we're trying I think society Is trying you know, but there's still not enough That's why I love when I come across people like you who's trying to spread awareness as well as as help So so in the book you talk about before and during and after so I've done some videos especially with all the dumb stuff that Logan Paul did recently And I'm trying to you know provide help like Looking back. Do you think that there were any warning signs or did your father struggle with any forms of like mental illness? Or anything like that like what can what do you think people might be able to look for? right Well, my dad was a very Proud man. He was your typical person who put everyone before himself So he was suffering from depression PTSD and insomnia Since 1996 and none of us knew until his inquest But when he did pass away, we did realize that he had given us signs And I can think there are three major signs There was Christmas and he had told us that this was the last Christmas and he had spent a lot of money I assumed it was because it was gonna be one of these years, you know, it's gonna be tight It was gonna be a less lavish Christmas, but looking back. It was him giving us one last You know special occasion and one last spoil then Another time was when I got in another relationship I dated a lot in this time because I was trying to distract myself but I dated one boy and Without knowing it. This was the stepson of my father's boss And he got overly freaked out and was like you can't mess up You can't run a spit it was out of character, but he was getting overly nervous and then the other one was the one that really really Hit me and I kicked myself a little not realizing it was the Monday Before I went missing he went missing on the Friday. He came in sat next to me into my room I turned my computer off because they just had the sense of seriousness And he just said to me, you know what Charlotte? You're the only person that understands me and it breaks your heart because this is a 49 year old man Who feels that the only person? that can understand him as his 18 year old daughter and I'd also overheard a conversation a few weeks before that and he was He believed that he didn't have any friends and that no one cared which turned out to be false because Between a hundred and fifty two hundred people turned up to his funeral some from 20 years ago So they definitely are signs, but they're very hard to miss. Yeah Yeah, and like and that's and you bring up something very interesting like and that's actually making me think about what I What I want to start doing more like I I Really tried like I have a nine year old son And I'm trying to teach him more about mental health because even at 32 years old I feel like that wasn't there for me and you're a little bit younger than me before we were talking in Charlottes 22, right? And and I think the younger generation is getting a little bit more familiar with Noticing mental illness and stuff within ourselves. So like when you talk about how he was able to relate to you Like it's interesting to me because I think that there is a whole generation above us Where they're taught to just suck it up and you know, I was one of my struggles was you know, my dad He's the same way and when I was growing up He he taught me what he was taught like just walk it off puff it up Dada, don't talk about your feelings or emotions and stuff like that And I'm glad that we're currently getting into a place like that But you know, there is that generation before us where they're not used to that, you know what I mean So I don't know like what would you suggest to any Kids out there who think that their parent might be struggling with depression. Well, that's the opposite of questions. Are you usually get the other way around? I did try my best to be there for my dad anyway, because I was a daddy's girl. I know that it's very important to Try to not let the teenage stage go overwhelming. I was guilty of that, you know, always out go away parents grumping and all that As teenagers do it's perfectly normal But for a little while I did forget that, you know, my parents want my attention to and I could drown them out for weeks at a time And I think parents won't say anything. They won't tell you why upsets them But I think it does and I think we do need to make sure that we have a little bit of time each week Even if it's sitting at the dinner table every night Just to show you that you do still have your parents. You're not blocking my life You're still present and you still care about them. Yeah, we need to realize that parents have to be strong for us So they won't necessarily say that they're suffering I'm sure that they do. I'm sure all parents have their own struggles. They just won't say it. Oh, yeah Yeah, for sure and like yeah, and I think it's you know, so much of this stuff But like that that whole dynamic of parent and child so much of it's just communication a long Long long time ago before anybody even knew I had a YouTube channel. I made a video about You know, don't don't lie to your kids about your emotions, you know, like Talk to them like if you're if you're sad let them know you're sad, you know Because sometimes I think parents do feel like they have to be strong and not show any weakness to their child But it works in two ways Not only is a is a parent able to you know, get that kind of process out But then the child can see oh, it's okay to feel this way. You know what I mean because Kids can get really confused when they see mom or dad crying and then the kid says what's wrong And then mom or dad says oh nothing's wrong then the kids like wait what you know what I mean And that's that's confusing for a kid. So I just I really think that you know That whole parent-child thing is just so much about communication in both directions, you know So so let's talk like you mentioned like in the book you talk about, you know afterwards and stuff like How like what what do you think really helped afterwards like me? I I don't even know if you know this about me. I think I might have told you But anyways, I work at a drug and alcohol rehab I've seen a lot of death a lot of death like what helped you with Healing at like the name of your book after suicide like what helped you do you think? Well, we have to understand that I didn't grieve for two to three years after the event happened It's only recently that I have For me it was the understanding that I didn't have to Be this person that the people expected me to be I told myself that I can say no that you know I am as I like to say I am the most important person in my life Because if I can't look after myself, I can't look after Anyone else and certainly if I don't if I end my life I can't exist in my world so everyone else doesn't exist that makes sense so it's really a lot about Looking after yourself putting yourself first and just giving yourself some respect because at the end of the day we're forced to Do things that we don't want to and if your friend wants to go out partying But you don't want to it's okay to just say no and say I'm going to read this book. I have a nice long bath. That's okay too And that was the biggest thing that helped me because I was covering up my feelings with substances because I was trying to be this person That everyone wanted me to be Yeah, no, and that's and that's that's that's huge like one of the analogies that We sometimes hear is it's like the oxygen mask on the airplane Like you got to put yours on before you help somebody else, you know what I mean Yes, and I think that's what happens in so many of us We don't have time to process or grieve like you said it took you a few years because you know, um, I I know that I have to monitor myself when One of my clients passes away I try to run around helping everybody else who's dealing with it And then I don't look at my own grieving process. So I think you brought up a very good point too, especially for young people out there Like knowing how to set up these boundaries, you know what I mean? Like no, I don't want to go out tonight No, I need to relax. No, I want to do this and so let's let's touch on this subject like So rather than Going through the grief you were covering it up with, you know substances or going out with friends and stuff like Like how do you think that affected you just by masking the problem? It corrupted me so much I was a mess because remember For a good year. I was constantly drunk or affected by other substances Um, or I was getting in these toxic relationships or one night stands and this wasn't me Um, but one night. I remember lying there one night after a breakup with the first boy I ever loved Which is all a mess um And I remember lying down thinking if I don't make a change My life is going to be very very short and very very miserable and it was damaging definitely because I'm healthy now mentally, but we don't know what damage has been done to me. Yeah for these years and yeah, I just I just got so disappointed in myself and didn't enjoy who I was because I wasn't me Yeah So so let me ask you this. So was this totally like just kind of like a self-awareness type deal or did you have any friends or family around who noticed that you were kind of Going down the wrong path like as a way of coping It something that I don't actually think I've managed to actually told people before but this relationship this Guy that was my first love um He was very similar to me. We Were the exact same people but we were both Very different in how we coped. I was always a bit more Determined for a future and he wasn't and he did drag me down And After we broke up. I remember a few years later. I've moved on. He's moved on with civil But he's gone on to abuse drugs all the time. He's in out of jobs, he's had legal issues and I just When I learned about that and I learned about how he's living his life It definitely woke me up and made me want to change properly because I could see myself doing that and I could see what was going to happen if I didn't make a change Yeah Yeah, and that that's interesting. Um, you know what? Let's let's stay let's stay on this let's stay on this topic real quick so like One thing that I'm talking about a lot like by the way at the time of recording this it's february and This is gonna sound like a very dumb question. You guys celebrate valentine's day in february in the uk We do but I don't celebrate it myself Yeah, but yeah, don't don't tell my girlfriend, but she'll watch this and figure it out I'm not a huge fan of valentine's day either but anyways for the month of february i'm doing a bunch of content about relationships and stuff like that and Something something that you just touched on is that we get into these toxic relationships We find people who are similar to us, but we're not mentally or emotionally there You know They can drag us down or we drag them down and stuff like that How would you say that your maturity as far as relationships? Has like gotten better since that one like has it changed like or are you still like dating? Like not terrible but bad, you know Luckily for me, I did marry a really nice guy. So I've got a lovely husband who gets me Yeah, and it's actually him that Showed me how much I've been in relationships because I no longer allow people to tell me what I can and can't wear who I can and can't see What I can and can't do I no longer let people force me to drink because they are or smoke because they are and I stopped letting people Try to change me and I've learned that if a person genuinely loves me they'll love Who I am and not try and Walk me for their own purposes. Yeah, and that's something my husband's taught me It's something that I also know now is That I deserve Only that respect and nothing less and it's so important to know that Yeah, no, absolutely Absolutely and and by the way for anybody listening to this or watching this like guys deal with that too like Like everything that you just said like that's that kind of defines my relationship Now it's you know, I think so many of us, you know, we don't realize we're getting into toxic relationships Because we're going into them and we're willing to change and become all these different things and different people And stuff and then all of a sudden you meet the person who's not doing that. They accept you for you You know what I mean? I think that's what a healthy relationship is all about Like understanding your flaws as well as all the great things and then Working with them because none of us are perfect. You know what I mean But I also think and let me ask you this So one of my theories is that when we're that type of person and we're always willing to change and have people tell us What to do or what to wear who to hang out with and all this stuff We also think that that person might change Did you ever get stuck in a relationship where you kept thinking the other person was going to change? I did I kept making excuses kept offending their actions and I was like No, they'll change. No, they'll change a year later. They hadn't changed and I'd still go through it and Yeah, they just I personally change if they want to and We need to stop forcing it because the end of the day We can't force anyone to be who they're not Exactly And let me ask you if you did this. This is something that I used to do and I've had friends told me the same thing You had did you ever justify the fact that they weren't changing because you were still kind of messed up? Like, okay, it's okay that they're a little messed up because I messed up too Yeah It's crazy. So anybody like watching this. So like I'm all the way in the united states She's over in the uk and like we we act in the same way and like that's what gets us into these toxic relationships That last too long, you know, because neither of us are changing Both of us are sick and then we just we're just stuck Um, okay So the next thing I want to ask you so I I love when I come across people like you who write like you write a ton I love that like before I even got into you know, the The mental health field and anything like that writing was always just my thing. I was natural added itself like So with your blog or when you write like your book and stuff like that like Do you find that to be therapeutic? Like do you are you ever having like a rough day? and like writing has helped you out definitely all my writing is always the real version or a version of what I'm really feeling and That's one of the reasons why I won't write the book after suicide because I really Wanted to get all of my thoughts and feelings out because I'd always Given different answers and different explanations For the same situation, but I just wanted to get one big Hunk of the whole situation the whole time period out into paper and when I did it was so It felt like a lot of emotion had come out of me at one time and it was a really good feeling Yeah, yeah, and then and then did that make you want to do it more and again and start a blog and stuff like that? Yeah, like That's what I try to explain to people like, uh, you know my clients at the rehab like just Journal just do something because everything's just trapped out here And it's just like you're just letting this like monster out of the cage when you just put it on paper You know what I mean? Yeah, kind of like what you talked about like when we have normal conversations Sometimes we're giving this person this answer and that person that answer And it's a lot more personal when we just have a piece of paper or a computer screen and we just put out our truth so like originally Were you planning on putting this book out in the public or were you just wanting to write it down? I Originally came up with the idea because I wanted to have that support net work for brief People that wanted to understand suicide or gone through it and I wanted that to be available because I think my book is very unique in that aspect and The only thing I didn't know when I wrote it is that I needed it to be free because I see a lot of people that write a lot of suicide memoirs, but they'll charge 10 20 pounds And which I think is fine. It's your choice, but to me I feel that I felt that I needed accessible Information and support out there Because when you go through any group of any kind the last thing you want to do is spend 20 30 quids on a book Yeah, you know, let let me ask you this too. How long how long is your book? It's very short. I think We're 16 to 19 pages Yeah, yeah, no, like I put out a few ebooks that are short too So yeah, by the way, everybody like like I mentioned earlier, there will be a link to her free re book down below And like here's the thing and let's I'm just gonna I'm gonna advertise for you real quick Like here's what I try to tell people like even if Even if you haven't dealt with this like get the free copy and give it to somebody You know what I mean? Like give it to somebody like I think that's what this whole mental health Awareness thing is about like This is just maybe an opinion. I got some science behind it, but I won't dive into it So many of us are so selfish, you know what I mean? We're just scrolling through twitter or scrolling through the internet and we're like, oh, that doesn't affect me And we just forget about it. It's like I try to look at everything like, you know When I come across that it's like, who can this help? I know somebody This can help somebody in my life. You know what I mean? Um, so let me let me ask you this Were you nervous? Were you nervous at all before you started talking about this stuff? Like you're very vocal about this stuff now But were you nervous when writing it and like being vulnerable to any person who wants to pick this up Was was that difficult at all? I was only nervous about my family because I did feel like I was intruding a little bit on them But I did get permission and I made sure not to Attack anyone or anything and made sure that it was all my views that were vocalized and All that but I wasn't scared for anyone else to read it because I think I was so overwhelmed with that desire to help Because I was so let down in my experience by my By the medical Section and where I live is quite bad. So I was so fed up with that but I was so determined if that makes sense Yeah, no no absolutely and and yeah, like I think that sometimes overpowers our nervousness when we Just have that legitimate want to like help people. You know what I mean Yeah So, so yeah, so speaking of uh your area. We were talking a little bit Um before that you ended you live in uh, what what norfolk? Norfolk. Yeah, okay. So that you said it's an hour and a half away from London. Yeah, is it like not like a huge like city? Is it more like is it like small city? It's the Norfolk is the County that's the word It's the county. I live in a place called Kingsland, which is a little town Um, it climbed us a bit big, but it's not So Okay, so here. I think this is an interesting one like we're in 2018 like have you found that Technology has helped you Even though you don't have anything really locally has social media and stuff helped you link up with other people Help other people find support in other places. Like can you I've been on the internet since I was 11 and That has always been my little solace and safe space because I've always found that Strangers though you need to Have caution At the same time, I've had more support and help from these these people 2000 miles away than I have in my area And I think if I didn't have that test internet over these last 10 11 years I I'm not sure that I would still be here because it's been that impact for me Yeah, no, absolutely. Absolutely. Like I hear so many things and like here's a problem. Like like so many people and even like parents and stuff like they're like Oh, the internet's bad and we need to limit their screen time and and stuff like and stuff like that and it's like We we hear about like dumb stories. One of them just just popped in my head Like I don't I don't know if you guys played like pokemon go when that was a thing like last year Other folks they would like say like the one story about like some guy like walking out into traffic because he's not paying attention But like what I was experiencing was with my son Me and him we're not really like going out and being active But we were going out and being physically active and walking for miles Trying to catch pokemon. Like there was some benefits that but also the our ability to connect Like I I'm glad that you worded it like that like you got to approach people with caution Like don't just meet somebody online and say, oh, you're depressed. I'm depressed too Like let's fly across the world and meet up like don't do that But there's so many there's so many resources like um You know, not only am I in the mental health space but also addiction recovery And I tell my clients all the time. There are so many just like Facebook groups and stuff like that where you can go in and just the support system. You know what I mean, so What do you think like let's let's let me ask you this if there's somebody watching this or listening to it who's In a small area, where do you think that they should turn to for support if they don't have it locally? Like what do you think would help? my Sounds a bit like it's a bit of promo, but twitter has been the best for me um, there's a lot of hashtags which I use which Have a lot of like-minded people who are fighting mental health and They almost become like a family. So twitter's been a good help But I know that in the uk we also have charity mental health websites So in the uk we have a charity called mind Which is A good charity and i'm actually fundraising for them in april But they have a website full of resources and types of mental illnesses and ways to support yourself and they have all sorts of things So I think it's just about Research it in googling it because they said you can find forums facebook groups There are definitely charity websites Some people just make the websites themselves, but there's definitely loads of Stuff out there. You just need to be mindful that you're not going to fall into a triggering Area of depression because you get the helpful side and the side that's quite triggering and Which you could solve because you can switch on parental lock if you were nervous about that as well because that would That's a that's a good idea. I did that A little trick and yeah, and by the way too, that's one of that by the way and I'm gonna advertise myself real quick That's one of the reasons why I started this channel because I was so I was so sick and tired of people just talking about the problem and sticking in these stories and and that's very triggering It's like we need to start talking about the solutions. That's why I always say we talk about the problem But we focus on the solution because there are some places I don't know if you follow Russell brand much, but he's kind of where I get like my uk kind of knowledge of the mental health space He was talking about these websites For self-harm and it's a lot of people just like encouraging each other I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't do that You know, but there are some very supportive places So i'm gonna put you on the spot real quick charlotte after we stop this interview I'm gonna have you send me some hashtags that you think are Helpful for people on twitter so they can so they can join this lovely family you speak of And um And then I want you to link me up with that mind thing that you're talking about So I can take a look at that and by the way by the way everybody watching Charlotte is amazing like go out in your area and find places where you can do charity and fundraising and stuff like that like I kind of got a little upset the other day and went on this instagram rant because there was this thing that Canada was putting on it's called hashtag bella. Let's talk. You might have There's a lot of people like talking about it and it's like doing a hashtag. I'm like, okay But what are you really gonna do like what are you really are you gonna go are you gonna go get involved with something? You know what i'm saying? um Every single year here in las vegas we do a um, it's called out of the darkness walk and it's for suicide prevention And like just hundreds and hundreds of people go out there and like me and about 30 or 40 people go out there Like every year and we all have our shirts and stuff All right, so people take after charlotte go out get involved in your local community all right, but um, but yeah, so That's about all the time we have but charlotte before I let you go tell the audience And I will put links in the bottom, but tell them what's going on with you and where they can find you and all of your lovely information All right, you can find me on x charlotte fox x on twitter My book is on smashwords.com, but I don't know the link of my heart, but that is pinned on my twitter feed anyway and i'm just gonna be keep active on twitter keep doing charity work and Hopefully get my third bit published That's what's coming from me beautiful. And yeah, everybody. I will put links to all that stuff down there And uh, and yeah, like charlotte is very active on twitter So if you're on twitter go ahead and go on there, but anyways anyways everybody. Thank you so much for watching charlotte Thank you for joining me all the way from the uk. Thank you so much But yeah, I I hope we can do this again sometime. All right. Definitely. All right. Thanks charlotte