 is the guy that you're seeing attracted to who you are beyond just physical attraction. Right now we live in the world of the hookup culture. More than ever before, both men and women are settling for casual friend with benefits situations ships where there's no plan of having any type of real relationship together. My guess is that you're here because you want something a little bit more fulfilling and meaningful. So how do you know if the guy that you're seeing is actually attracted to who you are or is just interested in something physical? My name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. Today we're gonna be talking about the signs that a guy is actually interested in you from an emotional standpoint. He's emotionally attracted to you and it's not just a physical attraction that he has. So here are the signs. Number one, he wants to get to know your mind. So do you laugh together and generally just enjoy each other's company? You know there's emotional attraction when he wants to spend time getting to know you for who you are and what makes you tick, right? So you feel comfortable spending time together without there needing to be anything that you do, right? This is a huge sign that he's emotionally attracted. He wants to hang out, spend time together and get to know the real you. If you're here with us in the chat say hi and tell us where you're from. All right, so number two is he introduces you to his friends. So have you met any of his friends yet? Remember this, a relationship where a man hides you where you're his dirty little secret is not really a relationship worth being in. You are worth more than that. If he really likes you more than just physical attraction he'll show you off to his friends and eventually to his family as well. Why? Because he's proud of you. He thinks you're awesome because you are and that is what you want. And my suggestion is that you don't settle for anything less. Number three, he takes you out during the day. So do you meet up outside or do you just meet up for nightly activity? So you're worth more than just being a booty call. If a guy is emotionally attracted to you he'll want to spend time with you even when it's not convenient to hook up. So he'll be happy to let other people see that you're with each other and that means that he's happy to be with you during the daytime. You can actually test this. If he normally just wants to hang out with you at night here's what you do. Suggest meeting up during the day for like a walk in the park or going to an event or something where people are gonna see you during the daytime and see what his reaction is. If he's interested in doing that then that's really good news. He's emotionally attracted to you. If he's not, then he's just not feeling it. So just remember that. Number four is he wants to talk to you for really long periods of time. So do you have long conversations with each other? Maybe he'll stay on the phone with you for hours or maybe he'll text you all the time or maybe he'll just love hanging out and chatting about world and the world and life with you. And so either way, he doesn't want the conversation to end. He wants to know everything there is to know about you and what you think about life. He's getting to know you. He's attracted to who you are. This is a huge sign that he cares about more than just the physical. He cares about the emotional connection because he's into you that way. If you get what I'm talking about, say I get it in the chat. If you don't get what I'm talking about go ahead and ask a question and we'll get to the questions at the end. All right, number five is he wants to do a variety of different activities with you. If a man just wants to hook up with you he'll take you to a bar to get some drinks over and over again until you're comfortable and ready enough to have physical intimacy together. If he thinks of you as more than that he'll want to spend time doing a variety of different activities with you. He'll want to show you, he'll want to show you his life and what his interests are. He'll want to get into your world and find out what you're all about, right? Men who are interested emotionally in you will want to engage with you in a number of different activities because he cares about merging your lives together and seeing how they fit, right? Because if they fit together that means that you guys can have something more together and if they don't then it's probably not gonna work out at least not long-term. And so this is a great sign that he's looking for something more. Number six, he remembers important things about you. Does he remember important dates or maybe little things about you? A man who is emotionally attracted will remember small things about you. He might not remember everything but he will remember some small things about you. It might be that you have an important meeting at work or there's a song that you really love and it came up on the radio or whatever, right? And he'll find little things about who you are, what you're doing and what you like and he'll remember them. This shows that he really cares about you as a person and that is what you're looking for. So number seven, he does small romantic gestures. Does he do little things that are romantic? If he's not interested emotionally, if there's no emotional attraction, if he's not kind of connecting with you on an emotional level, he'll try to avoid doing anything romantic and keep things as casual as he possibly can. However, if he starts doing romantic gestures, you know there's something else going on with them, things like opening up doors or having you walk on the inside of the sidewalk or giving you little notes or saying sweet things to you all show that he's got a strong emotional attraction to you. And you are worth that to him. So your value is high enough in his eyes that he feels like you're worth it and you're valuable and you're amazing and he wants to do these things with you and he wants to feel connected to you on that level. So number eight is he wants to talk to you for seemingly no reason. So I sometimes get women who will come to me and they'll ask me questions like there's this guy that just reached out and all he does is he says hi, right? What does that mean? What does he want? All that kind of thing, right? And the answer is that he wants to be connected to you. If a guy isn't emotionally connected to you, he'll reach out for one reason and one reason only and that's just to meet for a hookup. And if he's actually emotionally connected to you, he'll want to stay connected to you. And this usually looks like sending you messages just to say hi or to update you on what he's doing. So my suggestion is that you don't get weird about this, right? Cause sometimes women get weird about it. They're like, what's he doing, right? And they start making up things in their mind about what he's doing and all that kind of stuff. The point is, is that he likes you, right? And he's attracted to you emotionally and he just wants to reach out and connect. Number nine, he cares about your general wellbeing. So does a man check in with you just to see how you're doing? A guy is only interested in the physical who is only interested in the physical will seem like he's a bit self-absorbed, right? He's not overly concerned about what's going on with you or how you're feeling or what you like or what you don't like. But if he's emotionally attracted, he'll want to check in with you just to make sure that you're doing well, right? Even if you guys are together and he's just hanging out and he's just like, hey, what, you know, how are you doing? Like what's going on, right? If he can't tell, he'll want to check in. So if you're serious about getting into a relationship where a man is so attracted to you emotionally that he can't stop thinking about you day and night, check out my new program. It's called the obsession formula. You can check it out at commitmentconnection.com forward slash obsession. So if you have any questions, throw them in the chat and I will get to the chat here right now. So let's see what people have to say. Rachel Dyer says, emotional attraction is more intense than and lasting than physical attraction. Example, talk for hours over the phone with you, puts you first and wanting to be around you more opens up to you. Absolutely, Rachel. Maybe I should get you to do this video next time. I thought that was funny. Anyway, all right, moving on. Let's see what else we have. Lots of hello's, hello, hello. Diamond said, is it starting? It's already started and we're already started. All right, so Cassandra says, that is so funny. I was literally just looking for this information. Well, here it is. Welcome, we have the information just for you here. Hello, hello, hello. Let's see, what do we have? What do we have? Who has some questions? If you have a question, ask them in the chat. I'm gonna go through each question in order. If there's a lot of questions, we have a lot of people on the live stream right now. If there's a lot of questions, I may or may not get to your question. If you really want me to get to your question, you can always do a super chat. All right, so we got virtual hugs going on. I appreciate those. He's Cynthia, sorry for butchering your name. Says, hello, Matt. A friend of mine is married for two years and have one year child. Now, the husband is behaving strange, coming home 3 p.m., 3 a.m., postponed for critical discussion and recently he went quiet without, up, up, up. Sounded like there's some issues going on there. I'm not sure what the challenge is going on there, but it sounds like she needs to have a real chat with him and talk to him on a real level and find out what's going on. I mean, it's one of those things, right? One of the things that I talk about all the time is that if two people are really committed to something, right, if you're really committed to each other, you can figure out how to make things work out, right? You guys can do just about anything, right? But if you're not, if two people aren't fully committed, then it's difficult to do anything. So if he's committed, he's married, they have a kid together and he's like in this and he wants it to work out, she can sit him down and be like, hey, let's talk about this. And if he starts getting weird, she can be like, look, we need to talk about this right now. You can walk away, but that's a problem for me. It's a problem for us. It's a problem for everything with us going on right now. And so let's talk about what's going on so that we can figure it out together. All right, so let's see. Doop-de-doop-de-doop-de-doop. Lisa Marie says, what if he says he doesn't think he can do falling in love? Well, my suggestion. So here's a general rule of thumb, Lisa Marie. Here's what you wanna do, right? So there's actions and there's words. And so if he says something that sounds really great but his actions show something really bad, you want to believe the actions. If his words say something really bad, but his actions say something really great, you wanna believe the words. Okay, so you wanna believe the worst of the two in any situation where you're in a situation where there's words and there's action, right? Maybe he's saying sweet things to you or whatever, but he's like, hey, I don't do falling in love. Believe his words, believe him. When he tells you that he doesn't do falling in love because that is the worst of the two, right? You always wanna believe the worst of the two. If he tells you that he's in love but his actions show something different, trust his actions, right? Because that's the worst of the two. And so you always want to trust the worst of the two, right? And so when a guy tells you that he doesn't do falling in love, that means that it's a giant red flag waving in front of your face saying that you are gonna be heartbroken and in pain if you continue to see this man and you're gonna get more and more heartbroken and more and more in pain the more that you see this man. And what it sounds like is that you want something more because if you didn't, you wouldn't be here asking this question right now. And so my suggestion is that you keep searching, that you let him go, that you move on, that you create an abundance of options, that you create an abundance of connection in your life and that you find somebody who's willing to create a relationship that you absolutely want, who's willing to pursue you and chase you and invest in you, who's open to falling in love and to having a loving, committed, amazing relationship with you because that's what you deserve. And so that's what you should be thinking in your mind when you're coming to this. And just remember that you deserve more than that. All right, let's see what else we have here. Irene says, would he be ready from a relationship in the future if he's not ready now? Possibly. So if a man tells you that he's not ready, right? Just like what we're talking about with Lisa Marie, you want to believe his words, right? If he says he's not ready and he's acting like he's ready or whatever, even if he's not acting like he's ready, you want to believe when he says that he's not ready. And when he says that, here's what you want to do. First thing you want to do instead of making up a bunch of nonsense about it or trying to look for clues and all that kind of stuff, instead, what you want to do is ask him some questions. The first one is very important. The question is, when will you be ready? Most guys have an idea in their mind about when they will be ready. And so he's gonna give you a timeframe. If he does give you a timeframe, if he doesn't give you a timeframe, then that's a huge red flag and you just want to be like, okay, when you figure it out, let me know, right? And if I'm still single, then maybe we can meet up and be together, right? I actually had a woman who said that exact same thing, right? I taught her how to say that. And she said that to the guy that she was seeing. And about a week later, the guy stepped up and he was like, you know what, you're right. I needed that kick in the butt. I'm totally in on this. And now they're in a loving relationship together because she was like, hey, I value myself more than that. If that's not what you want, fine. But I'm gonna go. And if you decide that you want that, then we can talk in the future. And if I'm still single, then maybe, maybe, maybe we can continue to see each other, right? And so what you wanna do is ask him when. And if he doesn't know, that's fine. If he does know, what you wanna do is mentally check, right? If it's a long period of time, like it's a couple of months or more, right? Sometimes guys will be like, yeah, it'll be in about four years when I've got this done and I've traveled and I've got this business done I'm working at this job and all that kind of stuff, right? And you're like, okay, got it, right? And so what you wanna do is you don't wanna just sit around and wait for him, right? Because he's basically, what he's saying is I'm not going to be committed to you anytime between this period of time. And you wanna go back to what I was saying before where you're like, that's fine. Just when you're ready, let me know. And if I'm still single, then we can talk about it, right? I think maybe you can see a pattern here, right? And if it's a shorter period of time, right? If it's just a couple of weeks or whatever, then it's something where you can check in and be like, okay, is this something that I can work through and I can just stay with him through that? Or is it too long of a period of time where I should be dating other people anyway? And are you guys in a situation where he's like, yeah, I definitely wanna do this with you? It's just I have to deal with this right now, right? Or is it a situation where he's like, eh, I'm not really ready yet. And so I'm not, I don't know if that's gonna, I don't know, I'm just not ready yet, right? And if it's the first one, then you guys can kind of work through that. If it's the second one, you wanna start dating other people and you wanna start building an abundance of options. I talk about abundance a lot. It's called the Abundance Principle. It's in my program, The Forever Woman. If you haven't checked that out, it's at theforeverwomanformula.com. You can go and check that out. It's a great program. Lots of women have completely changed their lives and gotten into great relationships because of this. I talk through all of my most powerful tips and suggestions in that program. So go get it, theforeverwomanformula.com. All right, so what do we have? Is Cynthia says, saying a word on Mother's Day, I convinced her to follow you. Well, thank you for doing that. Do you have a program that will help them rescue their marriage? My friends tried all she can, but the husband seems very distant. Well, I don't have a program specifically about saving your marriage, but not yet anyway. I will, right? I'm working through building all the programs that all the women in my community are asking for and there's a whole bunch of them. Next, I'm gonna be putting together a texting program and then there's gonna be a program about like dirty talk and seducing a man's mind through dirty talk and I'm working on a program about going from a casual to a committed relationship. The marriage one I'm also working on, one thing you might wanna have her do is check out theforeverwoman program. She can get it for free, right? She can get free access to it and as a part of getting free access to it, she can get coaching from our professional, world-class coaches and those coaches have worked in every situation that you can possibly imagine and they can actually help her through her situation with her husband and make sure that they're taking care of her and helping her in the best way humanly possible. And so my suggestion is that she signs up for that. I've had women that have gone through that program and have completely changed their marriages around. It's not specifically designed for women that are in marriages, but it has, there are women in our community right now who have completely transformed their marriage around by using that program. And so I suggest that she gets that right now until I build a program specifically around marriages. I hope that answered your question. Irene says when he says that the reason he don't start or initiate, I'm guessing that's initiate, conversation is cause he don't want to bother people and he only texts if it's really important or a call to action. What is he trying to tell me? What he's trying to tell you is that he doesn't do regular texting phone calls, right? What he does is he meets up in person. And so what he's telling you is that when he wants to meet up with you, he'll contact you, right? That's what he's telling you. And it'll be a very like, hey, let's meet up kind of a thing. It's not gonna be like, hey, let's chat for a little bit and talk about stuff, right? That's what he's telling you. That's his personality. That's what he's comfortable with, right? That's what he's telling you. That's what it means. Ba-da-ba-da, ba-da-ba-da, ba-da-ba-da. Charlotte says, I've been texting a guy I've matched with since the start of quarantine. We seem comparable, but he hasn't asked to video chat or set up a date for after our area stay at home is lifted. It seems odd. Well, I mean, there's a lot of, so there's a lot of people out there. And this is why it's so important to get in abundance, right? Getting into a space of abundance. The important part is that if you get into, if you're like getting attached to this guy and you're like, yeah, I really like this guy, but he's not moving things forward, it's like, you know, he might just want a pen pal. You know, there's a lot of different scenarios, right? He could be married and he's just online, just talking to people because he wants to just talk to people. He could be single and serious and he just, you know, doesn't want to infringe on your boundaries. There could be a whole bunch of different things going on. And so you want to do what we talk about in the forever woman program where you're showing him interest and you're letting him know you're interested in him and you're giving him a path and you're letting him open up and create the kind of relationship that you want to have. And if he doesn't step up, that's fine, right? Because you have other people that you're also talking to that you're connecting with. And so at some point, one of these guys is going to start stepping up. Hope, ideally, several of them will start stepping up, sometimes I talk to women that are using my system and they're like, oh, I'm having a few different guys that are, you know, a couple of different guys that are just stepping up, right? I don't suggest that you date any more than three guys at a time because it can just get crazy. You'll start forgetting people's names. You won't know what you guys were talking about. You'll start thinking one person has a job that the other person has and all that kind of stuff. So you don't want to date too many people at a time but you do want to have an abundance, right? You do want to have a lot of options because at some point, some guys are going to step up. They know you're interested. And so they start saying that they want to meet up and start doing things together and all that kind of stuff. And other guys won't. And so that just tells you what's going on with them and who they are in your space, right? He doesn't step up. Well, he's not the one, right? Another guy does step up. Well, he's starting to create a chance, right? There's a chance. Another guy steps up. Well, now I have two people that actually have a potential chance, right? You're not sleeping around. You're not hooking up with a bunch of guys but you're meeting guys and you're connecting with them and you're letting them move things forward and pursue the kind of relationship that you want to have with them and you're connecting with them. You're setting your boundaries. You're telling them about what kind of a relationship you want and you're weeding out the guys that aren't willing to step up. You're weeding out the guys that aren't valuing you. You're weeding out the guys that aren't creating the kind of relationship that you want to have with them. That is what a forever woman does, right? A forever woman is a woman who knows her value, who allows men to give to her and is willing to receive and opens herself up to having these guys come and pursue the kind of relationship that she wants to have and she doesn't get hung up on any one guy who's not stepping up and creating the kind of relationship that she wants because she knows that she deserves more than that. That is a forever woman. Lisa Marie says, he was in a relationship with his daughter's mom a long time but since the breakup he can't do emotional attachment. Great, he's not the one. Lisa Marie, remember what a forever woman does. Always remember what a forever woman does. If you want to be a forever woman, don't get hung up on some guy who doesn't do emotional attachment. That's great, there are lots of women out there who don't do emotional attachment. And so this non-emotionally attaching guy can meet up with a non-emotionally attaching woman and they can have a great life together where they don't attach with, I mean, it'll probably be pretty shallow, superficial and meaningless but they can do their thing together without being vulnerable and getting hurt and dealing with their past and all the things that you need to do when you get into a relationship and things get serious, right? And that's fine, let them do that. That man isn't for you. The man for you is a man who steps up and pursues you, who invests in you, who wants to create the relationship that you want to create, who puts forth the effort and connects with you and acts as the man of the relationship and puts himself in that role. That is what you want and anything less than that is not worthy of you. Jessica's Alice has so many questions but don't even know where to begin. We'll just start at the beginning. Start at the beginning and work your way out. Andrea says how to get the emotional attraction back after trust has been lost within the relationship. Well, it depends on why trust was lost within the relationship, right? And it depends on how badly trust was lost within the relationship. One of the things that you wanna look at is patterns, right? So some people, like people will do things. So let's say that you lost trust with him, right? What you wanna look at is because he did something that's not trustworthy, right? My guess is that you probably did something that wasn't trustworthy because you're the one asking the question though. So let's flip it around, right? You did something that wasn't trustworthy. Well, it's gonna be up to him, right? He's gotta figure out whether he wants to trust you or not, right? Trust is built through the hard times, not through the easy times. So you build trust because you have hard times and a person's character comes out and they show you who they are and that builds trust, right? So it depends on what the situation is, are you guys still talking to each other? I'm guessing that you broke his trust by doing something. Have you fixed whatever it was that you broke his trust with, right? Like I have to know a little bit more about what's going on in your situation around trust in order to help you. Edith says, hey, Matt, I am overwhelmed to know there is a person like you. Well, thank you, I appreciate that. Lisa Marie says, if a man's been hurt, can he fall in love with you? And absolutely he can if he decides to heal. If he decides not to heal, then he will just live the rest of his life as in a shell with a wall up, avoiding any real connection with people. So it depends on him. He can, but will he? He can, but will he? We will see on the next episode of Lisa Marie. Janice says, how do you keep emotional connection long distance? Well, I have an entire program about this, Janice. It's called Long Distance Allure. You can get it at commitmentconnection.com if you go there and you can check out Long Distance Allure. But the long answer is that what you do is you connect with them in all the ways that I talk about in the Forever Woman program or in the Long Distance Allure program. What you do is you wanna build emotional connection. You wanna build positive emotional experiences. I talk about this as well in the obsession formula, which I just came out with. What you wanna do is build lots of positive emotional experiences together because the more positive emotional experiences that he has with you, the better off you're gonna be. And the less positive emotional experiences you have together, the worse off you're gonna be. And the more negative experiences you have together, the really worse off you're gonna be. And so what you wanna do is just connect with him in the right way and give him distance. There's a thing in the obsession formula that I talk about. If you want that, it's at commitmentconnection.com forward slash obsession. And what I talk about in there is something called connection cycling. And what connection cycling is is connecting with him and then what you do is you pull back and then you connect with him again, right? And you go deeper the next time. And so it's like this back and forth, right? Connect, pull back, connect, pull back. And what ends up happening when you do that is you get into a deeper, more powerful connection with him every single time you do that. And so you wanna leave him on highs and then pull back and give him some space and have him want to come and pursue you and then connect with him again and give him an amazing experience and then pull back and then not in like a gamey, hot and cold way, but in a loving, endearing, passionate, powerful, beautiful, I'm really connecting with you and I love this time that we spend together kind of a way, right? Because that will give you a really amazing relationship together where you're both passionate, you're both in love and you both really kind of enjoy each other. All right, so let's see. Natalie says, how do I get the guy I love back? Well, I actually have a program for that as well, Natalie. It's called Restart Your Relationship. You can go to commitmentconnection.com forward slash restart, dash your dash relationship. You can check out my program there, you can get it for $1 actually, it's a great program and it will teach you, I have a five step methodology for getting your ex back and it's very important that you don't miss any of those steps. So I've got text messages, everything that you wanna know in order to get your ex back and go check that out. I'm not gonna belabor that because I have an entire program completely dedicated to that. Paula says, thanks, Matt. That information helped me from friend with benefits to a man who is committed. He does all these things, bye bye, roller coaster relationship, hello, contentment. Cool, awesome, wow, that's great to hear, Paula. Simon says, this is so good. I just let a guy go because he didn't want to invest anymore. I feel like he could be my husband, but is that me being naive? Well, he could be your husband if he's gonna continue to value you and treat you well and be committed to you and have a great relationship with you. If he's not, then he's not gonna be your husband, if you're a forever woman, if you're following my system and you're a forever woman. Shoshana says, how do you find out if the guy likes you back? Well, if a guy likes you, what he's gonna do is try to hang out with you, right? If a guy's not trying to meet up with you, he might kinda like you, but he doesn't like you that much or he's really awkward and weird and he's not gonna give you the relationship that you wanna have anyway. You wanna have a man who is pursuing you. That's what you want. You want him to pursue you from the very beginning. If he's not trying to hang out with you, if he's not coming over to talk to you, if he's not trying to meet up with you, if he's not trying to get your number, if he's not trying to figure out what you're doing so he can hang out with you, then he's not that interested in you. And if he is, then he is that interested in you. Sometimes I get women that are like, there's this guy and he keeps taking me out on dates, but he never tries to make a move. Does he like me? Yes, the answer is yes, he likes you and he's scared of making a move. That's what the answer is there. So it depends on what your situation is, but if a guy likes you, he will pursue you to some extent or he will scare, or if he's awkward and weird and doesn't know how to talk to women, then he'll just cry in a corner somewhere and wish that he had more courage. All right, so Eno says, how do you view emotional attraction in a long distance setup? I view it a very similar way, right? He will want to spend time with you, he'll want to talk to you. Go back over the signs that I talked about in this video, right? Like this applies to a long distance relationship in the sense that, one, you guys are meeting up with each other and two, in the sense that you guys are actually connecting with each other or talking to each other, right? Giovanna says, why a man is opening up emotionally and then he needs some space. I get it, I need to lean back, but why do men do that? It's frustrating. There's a lot of different reasons, actually. There were some studies that were done on this where one of the things that they found was it actually has to do with a man's testosterone, right? So when you kind of get, whether it's physical intimacy or emotional intimacy, what ends up happening is when there's a connection that's deep like that that's made with a man, a lot of times there's two things that are going on. One is kind of an emotional thing, right? Where men take some time to process their emotions and how they're feeling and what's going on with them and they go home and they sit around and think about the relationship and they're like, oh, that was awesome, you know? And then they're working on their purpose and their plan in life and then they come back to it, right? And there's another kind of aspect to it, which is the oxytocin testosterone kind of chemical reaction that goes on in his body. And what they found is that how you interact with a man actually determines how much testosterone he has in his body, right? And so if you're really masculine around a man and you're like attacking him and stuff, he will actually have far less testosterone in his body if he starts becoming submissive and complacent and pulling back and subservient and all that kind of stuff, right? He will actually have less testosterone in his body. And if he's connecting with you, like if he's pursuing you and doing all that kind of stuff and being dominant, he will have more testosterone in his body. Well, when you have a connection like that, when you actually emotionally connect like that, it releases certain types of hormones in his body which actually reduces testosterone. And it's his testosterone that makes him want to pursue you, right? So when a guy gets physically intimate, for instance, what ends up happening is his testosterone goes down because all of a sudden he doesn't feel like he needs to pursue and go after a woman in a way that men typically do, right? His biological drive isn't pushing him to mate anymore. And so what ends up happening is a lot of times guys will pull away after that because all of a sudden their testosterone's gone down and they're not feeling that drive anymore, right? Which is actually one of the reasons why that I don't know if you've heard about this in the personal development movement at all but there's this thing called NOFAP where guys don't pleasure themselves at all, right? And what it does to their system is it makes them more driven. It makes them like go after things more in their life. It makes them like have more energy and just like want to have more drive, right? Because it doesn't, because when you have that release as a man, it releases it drops your testosterone down and it makes you less likely to pursue things and go after goals and go after women and all that kind of stuff. And so you just have to remember that, right? Men are wired a little bit differently than women are. And so things like that can happen but if you're leaning back and you're doing all the things that we talk about, what ends up happening is it creates a space and that man goes, oh man, like I miss her, like I can't wait to see her again. And all of a sudden he'll start coming back and it'll come back harder, right? And if you're pursuing him and you're doing all those things then what ends up happening is he starts feeling like you're less valuable and like he's not sure about things and he needs more space and all that kind of stuff. And that's why you need to lean back in those situations. You know, says, does he have to show all those signs you mentioned or just some? Well, it's just signs, right? You're looking for signs, right? If you're looking for signs that, you know, a guy is toxic and I give you 10 signs and one is that he drinks, another one is that he hides everything from you and doesn't let you look at his phone. The next thing is that he's got a bunch of restraining orders against him from a bunch of his ex-girlfriends. And I mean, how many of those signs do you need in order to realize that he's toxic, right? Is it one? Is it two? Is it three? So the more signs that he has in that case, the more toxic he is, the more signs that he has in this case, the more emotionally attracted he is. And so the more signs the better, right? Just because he has a couple of the signs doesn't mean he's not emotionally attracted. But if he has all the signs, that means that he's really emotionally attracted, right? So it's more of like a scale than it is like he's emotionally attracted or he's not emotionally attracted, right? I mean, there is a scale of that. If he's not emotionally attracted, he's not doing any of these things, right? If he is emotionally attracted, he's doing at least a couple of them. And if he's really emotionally attracted, he's doing all of them for a good portion of them. Namita says he reached out yesterday but only replied today. I told him why I went silent with him. He, his brother died. So I needed to say my condolence. Also, if I don't get a thank you, it's okay, I'll go no contact forever, okay? Sounds like there's some weird stuff that you're playing with there, Namita. Cheryl says, just, Cheryl says, tell me, Matt, what's worse, an emotional love affair or a physical one? And are they not both equally damaging? Well, it depends on what you mean by any emotional love affair, right? If you mean that somebody is like deeply in love with somebody else, then yeah, that can be a serious, serious problem. If you're talking, so generally speaking, just to let you know, men tend to think that physical, that physical affairs are worse, right? Physical cheating is worse. There's been studies done on this. Men tend to think that physical cheating is worse. They tend to think, oh, if my wife or girlfriend or whatever is getting emotional attachments other places, getting emotional needs met other places, I don't really care. I just wanna make sure that she doesn't physically sleep with somebody else. Women, on the other hand, tend to think that emotional affairs are far more dangerous than physical affairs, right? So women tend to get more caught up if a man is getting his emotional connection somewhere else than if he actually physically sleeps with somebody that he doesn't particularly care about, right? And both of them, yeah, absolutely. Both of them are bad. Both of them can be incredibly damaging. I wouldn't throw one as worse than the other. It kinda depends on you and what you want, right? And what you feel like you deserve and what you wanna create in your life. And so if you're in a situation, for one standpoint, right? You wanna make sure that you're meeting all of your man's needs, right? You wanna make sure that you're meeting all of his emotional needs, right? If you're meeting all of his emotional needs and he's a healthy man, then he'll only get his emotional needs met through you. If you're meeting all of his emotional needs and he's not a healthy man, then there's pretty much nothing that you can really do about it, right? He's gonna go off and do his own thing anyway, which is why it's so important to look for patterns and red flags and all that kind of stuff from the beginning to find out what's going on with him and how his previous relationships have been and all that kind of stuff. So yeah, you do, although you do wanna make sure that you're connecting with him to the best of your ability and meeting all of his emotional needs, which is totally, if you're like fully in and you guys are committed and you have a real relationship, you can totally do that, right? You can connect with him. You can make him feel significant and important and special to you. You can make him feel like there's variety and excitement and passion and love between the two of you. You can make sure that he feels connection. You can make sure that he feels safety. You can make sure he feels all of those emotional needs that a man has with you. And that's a very important thing to make sure that you're doing when you're with a man. Otherwise he might start seeking those things in other places if he doesn't know how to make sure that he's getting them through you. But again, like I said, don't blame yourself if a guy starts connecting with other people and you're meeting all of his emotional needs. You can't take responsibility for something that you have no control over. And if he's a good man, he will try to get his needs met through you emotionally as well. And he'll try over and over and over and over again until he feels like it's impossible to do if he's not doing it. And then he'll start seeking it in other places potentially, right? Which could be through a person. It could be through video games. It could be through all kinds of different things. So just be aware of all that. Jessica, Alex says, just wanted to say thank you. My ex broke up with me through a text on my birthday last year. My birthday is May 26th. Thought I'd never recover, but I am and still am. Thank you. Well, you are absolutely welcome. Jessica Lees, I'm glad that I've helped you. Sierra says, men are so confusing. They can be. They can be. Women can be confusing too. Everybody can be confusing. Or they can be really simple. Depends on how you look at it. So Virginia says, I have all the loving actions, but not the words. Patience, patience. Okay. Cassandra says, I have guys who I put in the friend zone. The worst possible thing you can do there, Cassandra. And they don't talk to me anymore. Why does that mean? Does that mean they only wanted a physical relationship? No, but it means that they did want a romantic relationship. If you put them in the friend zone, right? So here's what's happening, right? If you're a guy. So I just want you to kind of see this picture, right? You're a guy and you go out and you're pursuing women and a woman says to you, I just want to be friends. Let's just be friends, right? You say, okay, cool. Bye, I'm gonna go find a woman who's interested in a romantic relationship. When you put a guy in a friend zone, you're telling him that you don't want any kind of romantic relationship, right? And a lot of women are like, why can't we just be friends first? Well, you can be friends first in a romantic dynamic, right? If you want him to continue pursuing you, you have to let him know that you're interested in something romantic with him at some point. Otherwise he will stop pursuing you because he doesn't want to waste his time spending all his time hanging out with you when he could be looking for somebody who's looking for the same kind of relationship he is. If he comes to you and you friend zone him, he's assuming that he's gonna be in the friend zone forever because he probably will. And so you don't want to friend zone men if they are pursuing you for a romantic relationship and you're interested in a romantic relationship with them. If you never wanna see him again, then go ahead and friend zone him. But for him, it's a matter of time, right? So if I'm a guy and I go out and meet women, right? I have to go and approach a lot of women in order to get a girlfriend, a lot of women, right? The likelihood that I'm gonna approach one woman and she's gonna become my girlfriend is almost non-existing. You have to be like Brad Pitt or a special celebrity that women absolutely love and adore and the woman that you meet has to be like ready for a relationship and like, hey, it's on, you know? And that's really, really rare. Generally speaking, for a man to get a girlfriend, he has to approach somewhere between like 50 and 100 women, right? In order to get a girlfriend. And so what's gonna happen is he's gonna approach a bunch of women and most of the women are gonna reject them by far. The majority of women are gonna reject them unless he's stunningly good-looking, right? Unless he's really good-looking, really tall, you know, and dresses really well. He's really tall, dresses really well and really good-looking, then it'll be really fast. But if he's just a regular guy, most of the women that he talks to are going to deny him straight up, right? A few of them, let's say that he approaches 10 women, maybe somewhere between like two and four of those women will, it'll actually go somewhere far enough that he'll get their number, right? And then out of those four women that he got their number from, maybe two of them will actually go out on a date with him, right? And then out of those two women, both of them probably won't go anywhere, right? So he has to do it over and over and over and over again. And he's gotta meet a lot of women in order for this to go anywhere. And so sometimes guys look for women that are giving them cues and they're like, okay, it's on, right? And they'll go and talk to them. But you have to realize that this is a time management thing for him. If you friend-zone him, he goes, okay, she's not interested, this isn't going anywhere. It's, I'm wasting my time. If I spend any more time with her trying to get to know her, because I'm just gonna end up being friends with her, because that's what happens 99% of the time when a woman friend-zones a guy, right? Is that it means that he will never, ever get anywhere with her, which is fine, right? That means he's going somewhere else. And so you don't wanna friend-zone a guy. Instead, you wanna lead him on, right? You wanna dangle the carrot in front of his face and make it and show him that you're interested in him and make him see that it's possible for him to get the kind of relationship that he wants if he places cards right with you. So my suggestion, Cassandra, stop friend-zoning guys. Guys don't want that. It's not attractive. He doesn't want that. He doesn't wanna waste his time. He wants to find, he wants to find a romantic partnership. Doreen says, what can I do as I seem to attract rude men or scammers? So is there any advice you can give me? Well, it sounds like you're meeting men online. And yeah, I mean, there's a whole lot of advice that I can give you. I'm gonna put together a whole program on online dating because it's a challenge, right? Online dating is really, really difficult. There's tons and tons of scammers and rude men out there and you have to weed through them and get to the guy that you're looking for, right? My suggestion is that you stop meeting men online and instead go out into the real world and start meeting men in the real world. That's my suggestion, because that is by far the best place to meet people hands down. Most of the people that you're gonna meet online, there's gonna be a lot of weird people, a lot of people that are just super weird, that are crazy, that are very desperate, that are socially awkward, really socially awkward. You're gonna meet lots of people with drug and alcohol problems. And so my suggestion is that instead you go and meet people during the day in the real world. That's my suggestion. Ba dee, ba dee, ba dee, Lisa Marie says, thank you, you are welcome, Lisa Marie. Miss Kitty says, see, you got a fresh haircut, Matt, thanks. I did. I did, y'all, write about that. I got a fresh haircut. I got a fresh haircut. Okay. Irene says, when I tell him that if I text him too much that he should let me know, and he says I assure you it's welcome, does it mean he prefers or wants me to initiate texts? Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter, right? It does not matter. We're talking about what kind of a relationship you want, right? What he's saying is it's you're welcome to contact him anytime. He's not saying that he wants you to start smothering him, right? So I wanna be very, very clear with you, Irene. Do not smother this man. Do not start initiating all the text messages. I have a very, very simple rule that you need to follow. Never initiate more than 50%. Never. Never initiate more than 50%. I mean, there are certain situations that maybe you can break that rule, but for the most part, you don't want to initiate more than 50% of the time because you'll end up missing red flags. He won't be investing in you. He won't be chasing you. He won't be setting up the relationship that you wanna have. And on the other side of the scale, because a lot of women, when I say don't initiate all the time, what they do is they go to zero. You don't have to go to zero, right? Like a guy has to know that you're interested. A lot of times when we talk about leaning back, women don't actually go through my leaning back video and they don't actually go through my program. And instead they go, oh, lean back. I'm gonna lean back, right? And they're like, whoa! And they, you know, fly out of their chair, right? Because they lean back too far. And the dude's like, where'd she go? Right, where'd she go? Where'd Irene go? She fell out of her chair, right? And he thinks, oh, she must not be interested in more because she's gone now. In reality, you're just laying on the floor because you fell out of your chair. And so instead, what you wanna do is have more of a, kind of like a, you wanna lean back, but not like totally lean back, right? So you can still initiate 20% or more of the time. You shouldn't be initiating less than 20% because most guys, right? Unless they're really confident and just really like gung-ho about life and pursuing things. And like, this woman really likes me and I know it, I'm gonna go after her, right? Which is some guys, I know some guys are like that. Unless he's like that, he's not going to, he's not gonna continue to pursue you if you're not showing interest in him and initiating some of the time as well. And so those, that is it. That is what you want to be looking at. So Gloria says, am I wasting my time? I've been talking to someone for two months. We text back and forth, have met him twice. He has a 20 year old and the ex-wife lives on the first floor when daughter comes home, acts like a family. Well, you have to decide. I mean, it's one of those things, right? So some people, like you have to remember everybody's got a past. This guy has been married before he's got kids. He's got a past. He's got things that have gone on in his life with other people, right? And so you have to realize that and realize that he's bringing whatever baggage that is with them. Sometimes people get divorced not because they hate each other but because they just recognize that they're not right for each other or they're growing in different paths. They're not together anymore. And you, what you need to do is figure out whether this is a situation that you wanna be in or not. Cause it might be and it might not, right? If you're the kind of woman that like it gets jealous and this is too weird for you and you don't wanna deal with this, then you don't wanna be in that situation. But if it's not, then it is something that you can do, right? And just what you wanna do is get a better feel for the dynamic that's going on, right? Is there still something that's romantic between them or are they just good friends now, right? Some women don't want their man connected like that to any woman. And so you have to decide what that is for you and what kind of a relationship you want and whether this is something that you're willing to continue on with or not. And cause it's not for everybody. Let me tell you, it is definitely not for everybody. So you have to decide whether it's worth it or not for you. So we live in the world right now of the hookup culture. And so we have a lot of people that both men and women who are getting into casual hookup friend with benefits type situationships, right? And there's a lot of people that are just, they're not connecting really, right? They're not connecting at the heart level. And a lot of people don't even know how to connect anymore with social media and the culture pushing really superficial type of relationships. People have lost the ability to really connect. And so a lot of men out there and women are craving a real connection with somebody. And so I put together a program about how to really connect with a man's heart in a way that will make him just absolutely love and cherish and adore you. And it's called the obsession formula. You can get it at commitmentconnection.com forward slash obsession. And you can check out the program there. It's a great program. It's got some of my best, newest, most amazing techniques in there that you can use in any kind of situation that you're in, whether you're single and you're looking for a guy to be in a relationship with, whether you're in a kind of more of a casual situation if you wanna create a better, more empowering situation for yourself, more empowering connection that's beyond just physical, whether you're in a situation where you're married and you have a kind of a dull or boring or cold kind of relationship with your husband. This program will help you create an almost obsessive like love and passion back into your relationship. And it's built on science. It's built on studies and science. And you can go check out and learn more about what it's all based on and what it's about at commitmentconnection.com forward slash obsession. It's a great program. I suggest you go and check it out. Thank you everybody for being with me today. I feel so honored to have you allow me to be a part of your journey in creating the relationship that you wanna have, turning your relationships around, being single, getting into great relationships. We've had so many women send testimonials in lately. It's just absolutely fantastic. I love you guys. Thank you so much for trusting in me and being a part of our community. I, my mission and goal here is not only to help you create an amazing relationship, but also to help heal the hookup culture or the war of the sexes that is going on in the West right now, because there's a lot of anger. There's a lot of hurt. There's a lot of pain. And I want to make relationships real and great and good again, something that people actually wanna get into and they want to stay in for life because it's so fulfilling and so enriching. You can have a relationship like that. If you use the right tools and you learn these things. Sometimes I have women and they're like, you should just be yourself and just don't do anything to change and don't do anything different. And you can do that if you want, but it's like, you know, when you're, when you have a kid and he's growing up, you know, if he doesn't walk, are you like, oh, you know, he's just not a walker, right? No, absolutely not. Because being a walker is a skill, just like being in a relationship, being in a healthy relationship, connecting with a man is a skill that you can learn. It's not about who you are. It's about things that you're doing. You're developing a skill, like riding a bike, like walking, like playing the guitar, like driving, like any other skill that you might learn. This is a skill that you can learn and develop and create an amazing relationship. Get into a relationship where you're absolutely loved and cherished. That's it for today. Thank you so much for being here. I gotta get going. I've gotta go and, I don't know, pet some pigeons outside. Maybe go find a hedgehog. I wanna go find a hedgehogs one of these days. So I hope you guys have a great day and I will speak with you again soon and always remember, you are worth it.