 So, guys, welcome back to the Student Success Show. This is a playlist on my channel and if you want to see more of these, you can just check out my channel homepage and look for the playlist, the Student Success Show. So in this video, I've got a question, a private question, through my website, the link for it is below. If you want to send me a question, just check it out and send me a question. This one is in relation to this person who's coming up to some really important exams and they've recently just gone through the end of a relationship. So they've been dumped essentially, essentially, is what they tell me in the email. And they want to know how they can get focused again or at least focused enough to make it through the exams while this new thing has happened. So the question is, I'm not going to mention the person's name here, it says help, I can't focus and study after being dumped. That's the email title and it says, I've been seeing this girl for around four months. She's the first serious relationship I've ever had and I was crazy about her. Everything was going great or so I thought. Then totally out of the blue, she hit me with a bombshell. She told me that she couldn't see me anymore. She says that she needs to focus on college right now, but I think she's actually seeing someone else. She was constantly on her phone when we were together and my friends have warned me that she is being really flirty with other people. I don't want to believe it, but it's what my instinct tells me. So now I'm in college facing really big exams and I'm a mess. It's actually physically painful when I think of her with another guy. I feel like such a loser and what I feel terrible, what I really want to know is how can I stop feeling like this, at least until my exams are over. I can't handle this right now and any help would be great. Thanks. Again, I'm not going to mention the person's name, but you'll see this, so thank you for that email. It's really important to question because a lot of people go through this. The first thing I want to tell you is that you're going to be okay. Now, you mentioned in email that this is your first serious relationship and it lasted for a few months and now it's coming to an end. You're going to be fine and I know how this feels. I know what it feels like when you're in a really exciting relationship like that and you got so much invested in the other person that it seems like it's the best thing in your life and then all of a sudden it's done, finished, seemingly out of the blue. The first thing you need to know is that you're going to be okay and the way I see this, it's like for guys or for girls even, this is like a rite of passage into manhood for you because pretty much every guy I've ever met has a similar story. They have their first intense romantic relationship, tends to be really, really strong. Very few after that actually have the same characteristics. This one tends to be really, really intense. So see it as a rite of passage. Now it's unfortunate that it happened to you just before your exams because that's tricky. But what you're saying here is how can I stop feeling like this so I can get through the exams? Okay, now the worst thing you can do with this is to force the feelings down. Now I'm going to tell you how you can get through the exams but I want you to first of all realise that forcing the emotions down is not a healthy way to deal with this. Okay, you actually want to feel the emotion as horrible and scary as that sounds right now and I know how it feels, believe me. You can't hide away from that because first of all it won't work. It won't get you through the exams the way you think it will. And also if you do it will manifest in even more damaging ways later on if you don't deal with it now. So one thing I would say is how has this happened? Probably what you're doing is you're on a journey of learning about relationships and you have learned a lot from this one. Now you have a lot of areas in your life. You've got things like obviously you're big into college because you seem super focused on it and you want to do well in it. But there are other areas in your life outside of that and they also need to be maintained or kept in balance because it only takes one area of your life to be out of balance and then that area pops its ugly head up because you haven't been handling it well and then everything seems to come to a stop. You feel like you're a mess inside because of that and in this case it was relationships. Now you thought it was going well. There is something about relationships that you need to learn about. This is it sounded like it was going super super well. Now what generally tends to happen in those cases for a lot of guys particularly is that because they think it's going so well they think relationships are easy and they sort of rest and they're laurels a little bit. But the truth is that relationships are never easy. Relationships are never easy and they require you to be constantly growing for them to work. So you talk here about the feelings you have of the thoughts of her with another person make you feel horrible, physically pained. That is a sign to me that there is personal growth that needs to come from this experience for you. Your attitude should be she is her own person and I am my own person and whatever she wants to do, she is free to do that. You do not control this person. Similarly, she does not control you. You control you, right? So I want you to start thinking about well, what is it about seeing her with the other person that makes you feel this physical pain? What is it about that? At the end of the day, the underlying truth about most romantic relationships is that when they end, a part of the person is hurt and that's the ego. Your ego has been bruised by this experience, right? Your ego has been bruised. That will heal, that will heal but it's the part of you that's been hurt is the part that needs personal growth, it needs to grow. So what you need to start doing is let this girl go, let her go, don't chase her, okay? Don't try to control her. If this girl is for you, it will happen. You don't need to make anything happen here. In fact, what you need to do is move on, move on right now, and the reason I've been a little bit firm here is that time is an issue for you right now. You as a man have a mission and your mission, it seems to me right now, is university, college, grades. That comes before any relationship. As a man, you do have relationships and you're open to them. You enjoy them, you grow from them but what is your story, what is your mission? In addition to that, you could also start to, I'm not going to start to tell you to go out and have fun because I know what it's like when you're initially rejected like that in a relationship. You don't feel, you want to actually close yourself off. You want to stop contact with people. So what I would say is be open to the idea of moving on and getting out there meeting new people, okay? Whether that just be with your friends right now, whether that be going out socially, probably not to clubs, not to bars, okay? I generally want you to stay away from that type of thing but if you can find a different way to get out and meet new people, not necessarily romantically but just move forward with your life, your story, with your mission, okay? It's going to be tricky because what's happened is one of the areas of your life was overlooked for a while and now it's popping up again but you can move forward with this. So how do you do it? The bottom line from this is let her go. That's difficult. This does not mean anything about you as a person. Doesn't mean that you're not a man. It doesn't mean that you're a loser. Like you say in this, absolutely not because if that's true every guy out there is a loser. You are not a loser, okay? You are not a loser. You are going to grow from this experience exponentially. Trust me on that one, right? You will become a far better man having gone through this experience than you were before. In a lot of ways you were a boy before. You're going to be a man after this, okay? You are going to be a man after this. So be loving to yourself for now, okay? Take the time to feel the emotion that's coming up in you and it's going to be somewhere here and maybe a little bit lower down in your body. That's where the physical pain is going to be. Allow yourself to feel it. Take some time to yourself every evening to just get in touch with that. Really that's important, right? You want to feel it and it's only true trying to avoid that pain and that emotion by busying yourself or distracting yourself with a million other things that it will become a problem and you'll find that you're debilitated. You won't want to get out of bed in the morning. You won't want to study but just look it in the eye. Really feel it. Don't want to try to get rid of it. Don't try to block it. Just say, okay, be present with it and just allow it to be what it is. That's healing. That's how healing takes place. Let the girl go. Respect her. Have no ill will towards this girl whatsoever. If she wants to meet other people, that's her choice. She can do that, okay? And wish her the best. Wish her the best in that, okay? So if you do that, if you get in touch with the emotion and you feel it, you'll be fine and you will have, your motivation to study will come back. It doesn't have to take long but I want you to get on top of this, okay, starting today because you do have exams coming up but I've given you a way to get in touch with the emotion. Now do that. That's your top priority right now. Then the study will come. So that's it for me. That's the question. I hope it helps. Email me back and let me know how that goes. If you yourself have a question, you can contact me in the description below or you can just leave a comment if you like and also consider getting my book. It's like my manifesto on how to succeed in college, how to study effectively, how to stop procrastinating and that is in the link in the description below as well. So guys, I will talk to you soon.