 If you want to pump your body and expand your mind, there's only one place to go Might pop might pop with your hosts Sal DeStefano Adam Schaefer and Justin Andrews yesterday, I Finally watched the movie Sal that you had told me to watch. Oh And I've heard a bunch of people telling this get out. I don't like scary movies. That movie's fucking crazy I've heard a lot about this movie. I've not seen it yet. So good. Yeah, it is really good It's it's it's really and I don't like really creepy. I'm not it's not like it is it is but it's good though Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was well made. It is. It's very well written. I think it's done. It's they did a really good job It's very original. I love watching a movie That as I'm watching I'm going like oh, this is totally different like trying to figure out what what they're doing That's it just keeps you thinking and there's some nice twists in it. Yeah, it is. It's good It was definitely have a good night. Shyamala. I feel in Malaysia Milanima Another movie I watched the other night. That was good was game night. That was fun. Have you guys seen that? Yeah, another original another original movie You just finally watch grandma's boy. Yes, you know what movie I did watch that I wasn't impressed with Justin I'm blaming you. Oh blame me. Yeah, I'm gonna blame you a hundred percent Yeah, I'll throw some blame so low back at you. Oh you watched solo You didn't like I didn't say it was the greatest one, bro I just I'm a fan of all things Star Wars. So I have to kind of like it Oh, no, my boy was all kind of like me on it too. It wasn't it wasn't like it wasn't it wasn't anything that was like I'm gonna jump out of my seat for yeah. Well, I didn't Okay, that's tanking in the box office. Oh it is. Yeah, like it's it's tanking bad So, you know, here's the feeling I get Justin and I love for you to put your opinion in here Is that yeah, and we talked a little bit off air yesterday about this because Justin I were talking about the solo movie because I haven't seen it It is you know art. Is it just a business move? Yeah, is it is this not about writing and is this not about Creativity as this more like we see what Marvel's done with all the fucking Marvel movies And how that's a fucking bajillion dollars that they're making off of that and all they have to do is just keep Intertwining all these stories. Well, and are they taking a page out of that? It's I mean, it's kind of like they're They're trying to fill The void of what was created as far as like the fans wanted such and such to happen They want these kind of characters in there and they're feeding way too much into that to where it's not like an original You know story or watching like you kind of know the You know how it's all gonna kind of play out and and they're they're introducing characters that you know We're fan favorites, but it just feels like forced That's what I mean like why they didn't give enough time to develop to show the development of the relationship between chewy and Solo to see solos development to right. They didn't they didn't spend enough time on these things that are really important It's almost like they went well step one to step. Yeah, but is that because they they plan on Doing a whole one on chewy. Yeah, do it like I think exactly. It's just like it totally mirrors I think what they did with Marvel. Yeah, that's why individual character. Yeah, so it's And I mean did you what do you think of the actor that played solo you think he did a good job? You know, I like him like that. He's I've never seen him before and he's like an original Tough to feel Harrison Ford. He didn't he's not that charismatic though. He's he's like kind of flat He didn't cuz solo. I mean was cocky as fuck right cocky Yes, you almost don't like him, but you can't help but like him. Yeah, this guy was an asshole like you know But he's like a lovable asshole. This guy. Yeah, exactly. This guy was like, yeah friendly Yeah, he was he would he they should have shown him being more of that kind of asshole, whatever, but he was too He's too nice. Yeah. Yeah pretty funny Yeah, I had a conversation about this is my brother cuz he's he's mr. Technical like Star Wars guy I'm like, you know, I just love the storyline and everything with it Well, did they break a bunch of oh, yeah there was like there was like something that they'd mentioned about like some some death bond or something with like Chewie and Han that they had like that that brought them together that didn't even mention in the story and all this kind of stuff Like he's like getting super nerd, you know He's over-trumping my nerd, which is hard to do. It's hard to do So this this interview with Dr. Emily Morse good interview sex with Emily. She's um She's a vibrant vibrant young lady. Good conversation. I like that we went everywhere with this There was no holds barred with the sex conversation. No, this was great This is not my first time having sex with Emily though, but this is really I mean with an Emily is what I mean by that First time for me work out for you there I thought it was you know, I thought it was a lot of fun again You got it. Well, I got a good first shout out to is that your first Emily? Yeah, my first shout out to Tom bill you and Lisa bill you again This is another interview that they open their home up for us and allowed us to come in and hang out all day And interview people. I thought that was fucking rad. Yes super. I mean just amazing people and Emily's cool, man She was super down-to-earth a blast. She's been podcasting for would she say 10 12 years something like that You could say you could say she podcasts hard. She does. Yeah, she's in the industry She's been through all the changes in the industry. She's a definitely a veteran in this world of podcasting. She's It's great. It's great meeting people like that because typically when you meet someone People think we've been podcasting a long time because so many more people have heard about it But they don't realize it's been around for a long time. She's been podcasting along with them Ben Greenfield. Yeah, you know Yeah, we really like her style. We got a subject matter. We got to talk about that Also, I do want to mention I think when this airs You only have one day left for or one of the biggest promotions we've done the entire year So the promotion is you get the nutrition guide and the fasting guide for free If you enroll in any of our bundles and bundles where we take multiple mass programs Put them together and discount them like 30% off So this is the title. This is your last chance to take advantage of that phenomenal offer especially before Chris, excuse me before Christmas, please do Summer urgency before summer you want to get fit ripped. You want to look good Get yourself a bundle get those two nutrition components for free You can find those at mind pump media calm now Dr. Emily Morse you can find her on her podcast, which is sex with Emily Her website is sex with Emily calm and her Instagram is at sex with Emily So without any further ado, here we are talking to Dr. Emily. What's your background Emily? my background Which in what part like I'm from Michigan. How'd I get into sex? Yeah, yeah I got into my background is um, I Started a podcast 13 years ago in my living room in San Francisco. You're like ten years ago. Yeah. Oh gee. Oh gee That's like the first month of podcasting freakin greenfield. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know that is Oh, I do know we is because I went to some award show and he was there because I think he did podcasts for What did he do 13? He's been like nine years. So we use like I know I was like before Adam Krull I was on Adam's podcast. He was like what we and I'm like, no, I was like a year before Yeah, it's been a long time. What made you do that right? So I lived in San Francisco. I moved to LA five years ago but I at the time I was a Looking to do something around sex sex education sex a documentary actually is worried the first idea because I was a Documentary filmmaker. I worked in politics. Do you guys are from the Bay Area, right? Yeah, so I worked in politics for like ten years in San Francisco And I was working for Willie Brown and then I was made a documentary about him So after that, I thought I love telling people stories and and I whatever you do anything creative as you know You you have to be passionate about it like it has to be you can't just kind of like I don't know work for hire I I've always been fascinated by sex and relationships and what makes people how do you have amazing sex? How do you have great relationships? It just it's something that be confounded me my whole life I came from a divorced family and I was like marriage was never this thing that I was really excited about but what happened The podcast was that I had started doing like a cable access show and a documentary around sex Interviewing everyone I knew about their sex life and their relationships It was a bit the very early stages. We were just shooting some things and I thought I Always heard people saying like I had amazing sex or I had horrible sex And I was like I think I've had pretty good sex, but I think if sex could be amazing that would be something great to be an expert at because First of all, we all have sex and people would be infinitely interested in that and also I Just would love to talk like everyone I would love to have the best sex in my life I don't think I've had it yet when people would say to me They had amazing sex or great sex like what does that mean like back up? Do you mean like like was his penis double-jointed you say friend the rafters, you know Like what do you have 18 orgasms? What does that mean? So I just invited and I had a intern at the time who was like, you know, there's this thing called podcasting She was an engineer and just like I Could do something just interview people without a camera and and that's really what I love doing I realized after documentary filmmaking and all that stuff I was like, I just love connecting the people and hearing their stories and that sounds amazing So we hired some guys Craigslist Who did sound and we like made mics like this and a board and I invited like a bunch of friends over married gay straight single I just started talking to them about sex and dating and marriage and love and that's how it started That is my background. I need to make that story more succinct at some point It's not though because it was like whoa And then I released it that on iTunes and then it just became this thing and I was not the expert at the time But I was like, well, I have a lot of therapy But I had not went like the sex expert because we realized it would a lot of the questions It would come in because eventually I just started getting emails people asking questions And we're about like, you know, I don't know about relationships and anxiety and how people feel about themselves And then I went back to school and got my doctorate in the sexuality. I've done 5,000 podcasts I've read every single book on sex marriage dating love and then I did get a doctorate in 2009 Wow rad. I love how you just like downpipe that at the end Yeah, what's your background? She's like, well, you know, it's kind of a felony Oh, by the way, I'm a doctor No, okay, because I didn't know what kind of therapy you meant No, I love that. I love that you didn't lead with that. I think that says something about your character Well, my first month of it, I was like, people are like, what are you, why are you an expert? I was like, I got a live radio show six months in, which is so random Oh, shit It's a station in San Francisco called Free FM, which isn't around anymore It was a CBS FM talk I feel like, why are you an expert? And I was like, well, I've got some hands-on experience, right? Because I've kind of had sex everywhere now in them, but now I actually am a doctor Oh, that's cool Wow, so what are some of the biggest misconceptions surrounding sex? I mean, with your experience, you've probably heard it all like Oh my god, there's so many, there's like the men want sex more than women want Like people just So that's a misconception Totally, it's like a myth Like it's Now, why does it exist? Why does that myth exist? I mean, because, god, why does this exist? That's such a good question I think that, well, here's why everything misconception around sex exists Because we don't have a lot of sex education We don't talk about it We don't feel comfortable about it Because we have shame You know, we have trauma Hence why your show does so well, right? Yeah, well, right, exactly And I think the reason why too, because my show is not like Technically, I'm talking about blowjobs every weekend This is how you do it That would get really old But really, it's about getting people comfortable talking about sex And I think I talk about it the way that people are like I'm talking about the weather and it's cool And we all have sex and relationships And we all date and we get married And maybe we get married and we want to figure it out So it's a safe space to talk about it and to advise people But I think it exists because we just make things up It comes from religion, perhaps the church Or wherever, you know, I'm Jewish So anything, our household, we don't feel comfortable around sex No one ever talks to us about it And so I think that a lot of what we believe around sex is not true So there's so many misconceptions Like people believe that we are set in ways that we have sex So for women, for example I think that a lot of women believe They can only orgasm in a certain way Like when they believe that it's limited to sexual experience they've had So women might say like, I can only have And I can't ever have an orgasm during intercourse Like I get asked that question all the time I've heard that a lot actually Like they're only through oral sex or only through Or not at all Or not at all Or yeah, I can never have an orgasm All these things But it's like, let's say you've never had one during intercourse That might be true for you But maybe it's because you actually don't know And only 30% of women do have orgasms during intercourse So that's another misconception Oh, shit, I did not know that Yeah, so women feel bad their whole lives Like I'm broken, something's wrong But typically just because they don't have enough clitoral stimulation Either before or during Because that's where all the magic happens Like the clitoris is 8,000 nerve endings Like the only reason the clitoris exists is for female pleasure The penis has 4,000 So Damn, you guys are way better What? Said you guys are way better Yeah, they're way better, this is the deal That's why I like to use them together So they admit because it's like yeah But what do you say? That's why I like to use them together We use them together, oh my god That's your first tip right there And the odd type of sex penis though has more But there's not like clear stats on that for that reason But yeah, so I just think it's We are just so set in these fixed ways of thinking about sex And like anything's possible Just like, I guess fitness in a way, right? Like people think, oh I'm not an athlete Or I could never get in shape Or that's not for me But like for sex it's like the possibilities are endless So I just tell the women it's like Just because it hasn't happened yet Doesn't mean that you can't actually have an orgasm How much of it do you think is like I mean as far as like getting into that mental space Of you know going through that process Like for women especially Like to get to a place where they feel like You know this, I'm ready I'm ready for an experience that I'm gonna You know go all in on You mean when they're actually having sex every time? Right before sex, like Women, okay so that is such a good question Because here's the other It's kind of a misconception But it's more like people every person who has sex Should have to know this So I'm gonna tell you now Especially men So men are like Men are like frying pans, right? Women are still cookers The way we get aroused and turn on So you walk in and you see your partner Maybe we're talking about heterosexual couples, right? And you're ready to go You see your partner visually You're turned on, you're reaction You're like yeah And she's like sitting there Maybe like she's finishing up work You walk into the house, right? And she's watching you You walk in and she's like what? Like sex is the farthest thing from I'm so not turned on right So for women, it needs to be top of mind We get aroused If you're thinking about sex Then moving it through our body Or getting to, you know Foreplay, like foreplay Like not just a suggestion It's actually a requirement for women We need to get turned on and aroused So but you could do a lot of that You could start texting sexy things Before you see her You could start like, you know I think like foreplay starts After the last orgasm So whatever you have to do If you want to shorten that time But women need at least Like 20 minutes of foreplay 10, 15 But we're usually just men Just think I can go right in I'm aroused And women are typically not Do you think it's because And going back to the myth That men want sex more often than women Do you think part of it may be that Women, there's always There's a They have to be They have to feel safe In other words There's always that threat of You know, being assaulted Or not being comfortable or whatever Whereas a man We never really feel that So for us, it's easy to like Get in the mood And go for it Where they have to feel comfortable first That's such a good question I think that men, you guys The women One of the main things that women report When they have orgasms With the partners When they feel safe with someone So it's not even I never thought about the sense Of like we're going to be assaulted But that's a huge thing too It's more like Can I trust this guy? Have I know it like Is he someone that I feel like I can just let go And be myself And have, you know Have crazy sex And have my orgasm And make the face And do all those things And it's because Yeah, we want it Then we can kind of let our mind relax But since our mind is in overdrive I spent a lot of time talking about Having mindful sex Or mindful masturbation practice So you can learn to get into your body But I think that's a huge thing Yeah, if we're not safe and comfortable with you We're most likely not going to have sex with you And if we do, it won't be as satisfying What's mindful masturbation? It's something that I kind of like I don't know if I made it up But it's a practice that you just And men can do it as well I think that we just masturbate And we have sex I'm pretty good at it Yeah, guys, like I don't need to remind men to masturbate By the way Or give them anything But women, they're like Sex isn't as type of We don't see it And I'm not saying no women Okay, I don't want to hear like Angry things for you But most time women We're not walking around all day Like going like, look at the Although I think that Look at that eggplant Like, or look at that Look at that red girl foods And we're like, look at that carrot You know, stock of carrots I want to have sex It's felt like where men Can just see anything And they can think about sex So it's not as type of mind for women So I think and typically when we masturbate We do it with the goal of orgasm And so for women, a great practice Is to masturbate without the goal of orgasm But just to like, you know You might, you'll probably get there But just kind of So meaning to To play with yourself Without the intention of What feels good We have so many of Roger's zones On our body That we don't even know about Like nipple orgasms Like so many women Can have a breast orgasm Or nipple orgasm And they don't Because it's very common But they've never spent the time Hanging out You guys can help as well With foreplay So just kind of Masture breathing Into your body I think for women to Hold our breath And we forget to breathe during sex Like I've Jamie who's worked for me for three years We're always learning new things She was like Six months ago She was like I know you've been saying this forever But I wasn't about to Or I finally breathed during sex Like I Deep into my pelvic floor She's like I had multiple orgasms Like there's these little simple things You know that you could learn And tell people they're like Oh wow So during mindful You're just thinking about You know your body What feels good And just kind of taking the pressure off And you're out of your head and you're Speaking of masturbation What do you think of This right now in this Era that we live in with YouTube and the phones And being able to get connected To all these videos I know if I was a Teenage boy I probably would never leave my bedroom With the amount of access you have To nudity and pornography Oh it was so right When we were kids It was so valuable Because you can get it Right it was a big deal So I'm curious if If you think that's a Healthy relationship Potentially for some of these Teenage boys That are probably Getting oversaturated with the porn So I'm really nervous about Pornering out to be honest And I'm not anti-porn In any like I think that porn Starts on great purposes Like I think You know it's great for couples To watch together So you can see Oh that'd be really hot We could try this or that It's great just for Stimulation if you use it Like anything in moderation Right But my problem with porn Is that a lot of young kids That's all That's the first Thing that signs sex They're ever seeing And then they're thinking That's how sex should happen And then they have sex with someone For the first time And they're like Why didn't she bring six of her friends And start all over me Like what's the sex? Right Why? Yeah Why? Why? This takes years Why? This takes years, young Jedi Let's see what the ones See Do something around here And so there's all these Misconceptions It's bad for men And for women For young girls too Because then Then they're having sex And the women are thinking Oh I need to like Move like this porn star Or moan in a certain way And guys are like She wants to be choked That every woman's choked Important so And then they get oversaturated by it And then they're like Well it's a lot So scary I already don't have any skills I don't have strong communication skills Because I've learned everything Through my phone Or it's all been through Snapchat I don't know how to talk to women And it's much easier to say How I masturbate Because that feels good So I'm just There's a whole loop going on With porn That when people look at it as education And it's A rectile dysfunction Used to be non-existent In men in their 20s Almost non-existent And now It's becoming a problem Exactly And I think you're just We're just desensitizing The hell out of ourselves It's no different than Eating a shit ton of sugar And then you go Try and eat some fruit And it doesn't taste like anything Like just being desensitized And I can see it be It's the same thing So I would say that men do need A mindful masturbation practice And I have talked about this It's like It's like If you feel That if That guys will listen to this going Yeah, you know what Like you have to keep raising the level Of porn that I watch It keeps going Like that level of like Nothing turns me on anymore And now I have to see some It always gets crazy The longer you watch it Right Exactly, right? You're like Oh, now like the Wherever the tame stuff So I would say Yeah, if that is a challenge for you Scale back a little bit Or maybe Don't start with porn Maybe start with like Just your mind Like good old fashioned ways And the hot thing that happened to you last week Back in the day You could Back in the day, right? And then if you're like Okay, I did it for 10 minutes Then I can Then you can bring in your porn Or every other time And then eventually it's like Anything, right? Like bringing Introducing new foods I'm not going to say If you do drastic Change Because that's not realistic To say right now I quit porn Or I quit anything But kind of like Just try to have sex in other ways No, I'm sure there's I'm sure there's Tons of Individual variants But do you have like A healthy dose of masturbating For what you would recommend to somebody Like him You know, Sal's doing it like Three times a day Is that overly Is that over Is that a little aggressive? Why would you even know that? It's a problem So it's right exactly Well, because he makes these breaks All the time in the middle of the day It's obvious Sometimes he gives me a hand That's an issue See, that's fine It's like No big deal You got that, Tyler I have no problem With people masturbating As much as they want Until there's a problem So like Until it wreaks havoc on your life And you have consequences So if, let's say Paul was best Sal was masturbating Stay Paul, Paul He's Sal Yeah, you got it Sal, let's say you were masturbating He moans Paul sometimes You could no longer You guys were all masturbating Till you couldn't work And you're like Come on, dude She's here We're doing a podcast And you could come out It started impacting your life Your career and relationships Then there's a problem Is that happening? Is that all the time? Oh, wow Or for sex They're watching too much porn And they can no longer Ever want to see a woman again Or they Yeah, they can become addicted Never leave their house It's like video games Or they're You know, sex addiction It's kind of a People are like Oh, is it real? Is it not? I'm like If there's a consequence I'm not gonna say that You could label you as a sex addict But If you can only You know That's the only way You want to feed yourself Is watching porn You can no longer Even get off with your partner I would say that There's a challenge There's a problem If it gets to a level Where you have to have A robot How do you feel about that? Sex robots It's a whole thing Um That's gonna be weird It's only because It's over the place now It's happening, right? Like it's already happened They have brothels with like Mm-hmm With robots That's gonna pose some serious Challenges, I think Yes, for sure There's challenges around robots It's like, um I think that I mean I still like to think that This intimate human connection Is gonna be like What we desire most But I could also see That there's gonna be A lot of people Guys and women I'm like It's safer I know what I'm getting I can tell them to go down to me for 20 minutes They's not gonna complain about it She's going to feel amazing And she's gonna do all that I can program her to To do whatever I want So, um I would like to say no But I think that It's going to Hopefully in moderation Or you have like a robot party But I actually have to show That you're talking about that Like there's gonna be Challenges like at these brothels Where they need to Like they're dirty Like you actually need to And I sure your nose could get that You actually need to use protection And you need to like Clean out the robot So I think that the way sex is going Yeah, I just I would love people to work on intimacy And connection More than anything right now Like if you feel like Like I even feel like my phone Like I'm so glad I'm away from my phone Now for an hour I know when I work out I don't have my phone Well, I do if I'm running I guess But I want to get the watch Without the whatever The point is Turning off your phone feels so good And stepping away from it And communicating with it Right, right Definitely I'm curious too If you if you got into Your sex space Like we got into the fitness space And what I mean by that is You know when I look all the way back Into what drove me into the gym first It was actually rooted in some Insecurities that I had Like I wanted to be more muscular I wanted to be bigger I felt skinny And that's what originally Drove me to work out Now later on I found health And wellness and a better balance What about for you? Like did you What what in first That's a good question So at first it started with Like I just was like I knew I wasn't having Amazing sex Like I was having good sex But I felt like it was It couldn't tell when it was Like it was like sometimes It was good with others And I was like I don't think I know I think I could learn more And I Were you blaming it at that time Were you blaming it on the guy Like I used to Yeah I used to for so long And this is another misconception Is that So when I was younger I think I actually know That a lot of young people Women think this I thought like Someday my prince will come And so will I Right That he's gonna lie about a white horse And he's gonna know how to work my body Because I was a late bloomer When it came to sex I never masturbated It never even occurred to me It didn't even think I never heard that it was wrong I just never touched myself How old were you the first time? 20 Oh wow I had sex it For the first time at 18 And then I went to class 17 And then I went to college And I said to my girlfriend She was like okay What's the big friggin deal with sex? Like I had a boyfriend For two years I I never had orgasms either So that was the other thing But this I Okay so this was like when I was 20 So Ah they were like Have any of her masturbated And I was like no I didn't even know about it And they were like Did you have orgasms And I didn't know about that either And I don't know how that's possible To be honest Now looking back But there wasn't internet And and so Then I was like oh And then my My they were like sending me like articles And they're like Read this about you know Masturbation And then I finally like Masturbated and figured it out Was the first time like amazing Or did it take you all to figure out your gear? No it took me a while So it took me like I probably took me about a month Of like I had a toy And used my fingers And figuring it out And then with the partner And yeah it was amazing I was like oh Now I get why you all love sex so much But I think that I really believe that men Were shipped off to some place When they were kids And they learned all about the female body And that he would bring me my orgasm And he would deliver it to me And it would Because guys know Guys know everything Guys know what pleased me The guy I think that men are my You believe that they're mind readers And I think that I learned And I definitely in the last 13 years Literally just Like I said Reading everything on sex Talking to hundreds of Thousands of people about sex and relationships That's just obviously not true That we all Need to bring our game to sex We all have to do the work ourselves Like what makes us feel good Especially women Unlock all that And then explain it to our partners Because they don't know And I feel bad for guys now So yes I used to think Why I blame my partner for not having an orgasm I was like well that's his fault You know So But I think I had heard about orgasm Okay maybe I didn't hear about masturbation But I had heard about orgasms Because I remember when I was 19 Thinking like it's his fault And anyway I don't remember the whole timeline now But I did think that it was their fault If you could define Define for me what you think is amazing sex What is your definition of epic sex? I think it's when you're really connected And you communicate about your needs And you have no shame About my head thinking about anything else But like connecting to that person And feeling seen Feeling Yeah orgasms are great So do you do not measure that? Like I always thought that women would measure how great the sex was By how many orgasms they had in a session So are you saying that you could have the most intimate Passionate amazing sex in your life And maybe one orgasm once But then you've had other one times When you've done nine Oh yeah I love that we're talking about this Because men and women talk about this so differently Yeah I know I'm interested We're not like oh that was the five orgasm guy I'll never forget him That's not like that Oh wow It's because we can only have one usually I'm telling you right you only have one Right you're like oh three must be better Although I've had I've actually experienced multiple before Which is very very rare for men that's true Yeah it is I think tawntricks I don't know if it was like through Or just when you were young I don't know Men can have it in different ways But like moving your breath through your body And not actually having ejaculation Or orgasm without ejaculation Is a very fascinating practice for men But women can have so no I think for me it's like when I felt God I've had a lot of good sex now But let's think Especially since I started my show Like I'm so much more open to everything So I think it's yeah when I'm really connected Or it's fun or it's thrilling Or it's like unknown or like on vacation Or we're doing something a little different Or we're um What is that about that when we're If you're away or it's risky Or it's bad or you're on vacation What is it makes it so erotic or so Or in public Because it's unknown in public Right I think it's that The thing that makes sex so hot And then you're gonna see why sex gets very unhot It gets unsexy after a while when you're with someone Which is totally not like There's nothing wrong with you If you've been with someone for Over six months to two years And you're like what happened The honeymoon phase is real It's biology like that whole newness So what makes it great is When it's new and exciting So think of only first dating someone You've never been to their house before You've never been in their bed You've never seen them naked And you don't know what's happening next And it's just thrilling Everything's new and exciting and novel Which is what makes sex great But when you're in a relationship over time You're like I know what they're gonna do next I've seen them naked We have sex in this bedroom one more time I'm gonna shoot myself Turn over And I'm seeing all like yeah turn over This is what happens Like that's so freaking boring But when you're on vacation You don't have like the dirty laundry You don't have the bills You don't have the neighbors You've nothing to worry about And it's a new place Someone else is gonna clean up the mess And it's just it's exotic And it's variety We miss that It has so much to do with your Your mental space or your emotional space It's like I feel like If you can have sex with someone And there's no boundaries And you feel free That's when you have the best sex I think that And I think when you're on vacation You already feel that way Like I'm not home There's no rules We can get crazy We can whatever I feel like you could look at somebody And tell if they have good sex Can you do that? I feel like someone of your expertise Could like be like She's getting down Or no Can you see that? I feel like you could I can tell it more by talking to someone For five minutes Yeah Okay Questions Yeah But I don't think I wish it was that I wish it was that way But no I'm gonna think Let me see if I can do it Yeah We'll tell you I'm looking at us right now Oh Are you real? Yeah No I could be like the sexual intuitive Sometimes with people And be like Oh yeah The sexual medium I can't I could be like Oh No This is what you need Like I did this last night With some friends of mine And I'm like Whoa I'm like no I know They were a new friend They were like You need some anal beads You need a You need a cock ring And you need a You need a swing But I think Yeah Right Sex swings Those things are all real I think I my life Yeah I always get to try fun things I think it's I've had so many good sex But most of them are kind of novel Like crazy Where you meet someone And you didn't know What was gonna happen Or I've been with someone for a while But we Did something great And them So I read I read an article A while ago That I thought was fascinating And it said that Most people's first Sexual experience Not sexual intercourse But sexual experience Is with the same sex And it was explaining how the Sexuality is more of a spectrum Rather than a Your way on what So it was Is that true? Kinsey actually said Everyone's on We're on the spectrum We're all on the scale The Kinsey scale from one to 10 One being like Very straight and 10 being gay That most people Even men are Not a one Like very few people are a one But we're sort of on the spectrum Between like two to three And women are definitely more Open Bisexual Well for sure that's true Because I mean prison You know You've got a bunch of guys in there Who's super macho or whatever And Exactly Sex happens all the time in that I just think that we're very limited In our In our beliefs around sex And what we think we were saying Like all the why people don't Feel all these weird Have all these misconceptions That we just don't even know that Fact that it's okay And we're so We're going to be judging We're called gay You're going to be called whatever If you had these relations So if men had With a member of the opposite sex So I think that yeah It is on that continuum And I just My goal is like I just wish that more people would be Open To looking at sex It's something that is Your sex life is expansive And your sexuality is expansive And you'll constantly Be learning and growing And the more that you talk about sex With your partner And the more you communicate Your needs and learn your own body Learn about your own body You will have better sex It seems like Just will It seems like the more taboo And the more repressed A society is Or a culture is with sex The more Maybe sexual dysfunction Or strange or different Expressions of sex come out Like You go to some countries where it's like You get put to death For having sex outside of marriage And you see You know Sexual expressions where people may be Performing more things like bestiality Or stuff like that Like Is that really Is it is it It's such a In a desire that if we repress it Does it tend to come out that way I think so I mean I think if you look at Like war Okay, this is Political life You look like war in the Middle East, right So they're told You could have sex with Like 172 versions Or versions where ever it's 220 Versions when they die So I believe that there's a lot of So much repression Repression We are so repressed So the second you try to Repress people's sexuality Until when they can't do something They're going to want to do it Oh yeah Like they're not a lot of sex Like sex is wrong Women are covered up You know Our producer lived in Japan for a while And Japan is very interesting When it comes to sexual culture Where on one hand It can be very open On the other hand It's very, very taboo And he would say that He said that there were Vending machines in some areas with Like panties Like panties Yeah That you could buy And I'm like well And then of course Like some of the Scratches That come through the pan is really And you know I feel like it's because of their Their culture represses us so much That it comes out in weird ways Yeah exactly It comes out here in weird ways too Right Like if you think about Our porn conception Or if you think about Addiction Or rape Or trauma Or you know It's like The biggest challenge around sex Is that we don't teach In schools For example we teach nothing And if we do We teach about Like it's all fear based Right Yeah We're going to get an STD You're going to get pregnant We talk nothing We don't ever teach about Pleasure Self-pleasure And masturbation Which I think we actually Absolutely need to teach in schools And we need to teach kids About like Their bodies And they do that in Norway They do it in France They have like a 3D clitoris That teach the kids about that Like Really? I didn't even know about the clitoris Like really So Why don't we We just Because And especially the The Justin's still trying to figure it out Yes Obligated math problem I'm telling you It's like the journey And everyone's different Every woman is different So if you put like A hundred women in a room And they were all Masturbating They'd all be doing Something different So how the hell are guys gonna know? Like I said My heart opens wide for men He thought it was behind the ear Just like 2 weeks ago That it was wide? He thought it was behind the ear Just like 2 weeks ago So that's not it? I wanna know So we're talking about really First thing anything is going to Okay so we're talking That's the cons of it Now do you see Can we play devil's advocate? Do you see any pros For somebody who Refrain from having sex Until marriage and they got married And had Then they would say to you Oh I have great sex Like what would you say to that? Sure As long as they're Listen I'm not gonna play I'm so not like Oh this is right and this is wrong I feel like that's totally possible You could learn to fall in love with someone I would think they could have amazing sex But I'd also want to say like As long as they're working There's no way if they don't talk about sex Or they're not working on their sex Right It's impossible Like to have great sex If you've never Cause I could see the I could see the positives that too If you have 2 people that are Experiencing all of it together And trying new things all the time And if you if they have the ability to I just think that a lot of you Growing together Yeah But if you're if one person is evolving and growing The other isn't You know there's gonna be a disconnect Exactly Right I feel like it would be more like Wait until you're ready And you're with someone that you want to Have sex with the first time Marriage is interesting If people wait till they're married That make that tends to come More from a religious standpoint And religion Religion doesn't have the greatest Track record No In terms of how it views sex and stuff Right And this is the other thing about About people repressing it It's not even that The thing that I deal with a lot too On my show is that people We don't even realize these messages from childhood Everything happens in childhood Right Like all of our beliefs around our bodies And our bodies said you were a skinny kid And you wanted to grow You know what I I think women and men body image issues And we don't want to be naked in the bedroom And and we're also told to You know that you masturbation is wrong That that it's dirty to touch yourself That it's you could go blind Or like wait till marriage it's all It's nothing and so We might have gone to church and hated it But that's still what we heard We might have gone to wherever Our parents might have said Like there's a moment in our lives I think we're And we realize as kids Like we're actually born Being like these perfect right We still are perfect But these humans These little babies we know nothing But we start to get messages And for women it's like You're your little baby right And your mom's like Your parents the first thing we learned About our vagina I was like they're like okay here's your like Your knees and your thighs And they skin your belly button And they're like You skipped the vagina They skipped the belly button There's just everybody has no name And then maybe we're like Four or five And perhaps we're touching ourselves And appropriately Which apparently I did not do But a lot of girls are like That's dirty That's wrong Do that in private So it has no name And it's private You know and then we're like Get our period We're like You're gonna be a woman And I'm like I'm a woman now This thing hates me I hate everybody And I just want a lot of chocolate So what Like there's no information And then you keep going And you've sex for the first time And most women will probably tell you It's not that great Maybe guys even tell you that Too, right? Yeah, no, no You hear that on both sides for sure You're like What? Like this whole sex taboo thing And now it's not that great But no one's correcting the stories here No one's saying back up No one's saying like this is You know So that's why I feel like I will never I will always Be helping people I'm like Always have something to talk about Like when I started They were like Are you gonna be able to talk about sex every day? I'm like Yes Because every day I'm always learning too But people are always Had these same questions coming up But we have to undo stuff in the past Or relearn stuff And just kind of move towards the future See what's possible What do you think the big rocks are? So we talk about this We just got interviewed by Tom On their health theory And you know One of the things that was so different About Mind Pump When we came into this space was You know, everybody wants to talk about The new cutting edge this And the new science And the new pill And then try this, try that And one of the things that we talk a lot about Are the boring stuff That's been around forever Which is the most important stuff Yeah, but it's the big rocks So like get rid of the stress And sleep better And get some sunlight and walk And you know these things Those are really gonna make The most impact on your overall Health and fitness journey More so than this great new Pre-workout or pill that just came out Exactly And so I think I feel like the same thing as with sex Right, there's probably all the greatest Gimmicks and pills Next thing to take Toys What do you look at As like your rock Or like the things that you coach to Okay, so the thing that I mean Is the main thing I talk about is Communication Like I always say communication Is lubrication So What does that look like though For somebody who doesn't Have good communication With their relationships I feel like Okay, so Like practices Do you give like Hey listen Why don't you If you don't ever come to your wife I'll tell you something right now Being just straightforward I'm a guy I'm a workaholic I'm passionate about what I do So very easily I can become the guy who comes home from work Walks right past his wife Goes into upstairs And then starts working on his laptop And then literally Maybe kisses or goodnight And goes to sleep Like a day could happen like that Yeah, all the time I have to And I've done this before You know Coming from work And I'm probably listening to something That has to do with work Or multitasking When I'm driving And I get in my driveway And I know Katrina's in the house And I go like Okay, I'm home now Like I need to become You gotta breathe and get it Yeah, like You almost have to set those Yeah, meditation All being mindful And when you're in a relationship That where you're communicating Like Okay, so this is This is the thing around sex And I will get into some Basic pillars of it Because I think that's So important Is that So there's all these other Areas of our life that we focus on Right, like health We spend a lot of time thinking about health Nutrition Our jobs Like everything that we care about Right, we put a lot of time into Like exercising Religion Spirituality Our relationships Our jobs Our family But sex is like this One thing in our life That's actually really important In fact, I would argue Probably the most important thing Because when there's a problem With sex in a relationship It becomes everything But we think it should always be Amazing And magical And like unicorns And there should be very close All by itself By itself Without ever working on it Without ever thinking about it Or talking about it And the second there's a problem We're like, oh my god We should break up Or oh my god We don't know what to do But if you are in a relationship So what it looks like Is the second you start having sex With someone Or you've been Right now you've been having sex With someone the same person for 10 years It's never too late to start Talk about it And that could look like So how was it? And it doesn't have to be in the bedroom I think that during sex Is not the best time to talk about sex Unless you're in pain But take it and be like ouch stop 80% of women experience pain During sex and don't say anything Or will experience pain At some point in their life And most women don't talk about it Because we think it's normal But I would say just like What do you want to try What did you like about that Like play by play Like what worked for you What didn't Was that cool the way I touched you You jumped there for a minute What are you doing right there? What are you doing there? Stop right But really like What turned you on Like what do you think about Do you masturbate Like we could do mutual masturbation together Like that's a great learning to for couples Because when you do that together Then you're like oh I never knew You touched yourself that way First of all it's great education And what the power does And then it's hot Like it's like kind of four player She's a great bitch bar too Because if she's having way more fun By herself Right She gets the work to do Exactly Exactly and she wants to see But she might have shamed Like why don't masturbate Like we all masturbate Or we should Oh by the way man I don't think any guy does want to I mean if a woman masturbates What a great thing to hear from your girl Right Oh and to walk in on Just saying But she doesn't know that Because no guy Like she probably thought This is another way women are raised That it means that she's a slut That she's really into her Like that You know that something's wrong Or dirty if she's not growing up So she has shame around it So to be like I think it's so hot That you must show me your toys Show me what you do Like that you're not The toy's never gonna replace you It can just add to your intimacy Great conversation And people think that You know so it just doesn't So I think Communicating around sex And then you were to ask me The main things are I think to God learn to love your body Like really like we are not Especially for For women and for men Like we are not thinking about Your body the way you are Like no for women I'm like he's in the room with you He's not when like Her left boob is bigger than a right boob He's got this weird birthmark She gained like And if he is a slutty guy Isn't that funny how we are About ourselves You know About yourself We're like he's happy to be having Sex with you right now And he's with you in the room Like things are amazing But we're not thinking about that And women we're not thinking About your penis For guys we're not thinking About your penis size Like I swear to God Men are so obsessed with the size Of their penis That I've gotten more in In 13 years and like Tens of thousands of questions I've answered People email or call in It's usually his penis is too big What am I gonna like How do I have sex with them Or like it's a problem Not like it's so small I broke up with him So everyone's got to stop Stressing on all that You look like you don't believe me But I No Just like you must have told my ex-girlfriend I'm like oh no my ex-girlfriend Is called Henry I didn't want to throw that joke out there Yeah that's how I was debating it You're a big big guy So yeah I mean I just think it's really about Being in touch with your But it's like you are Being in touch with your body And being comfortable with it Is really like and masturbating And Conversations huge I was married for 15 years And got divorced about Uh God it's been two and a half years Maybe three years now And then started dating someone And it was very different In terms of How we communicated And especially how we communicated sex And with my girlfriend now We're so open We can talk about anything And it's the most It's the sexiest thing ever In the confidence also I think For women listening Like if you're confident You don't have to look perfect Just being Make it mean confident That is a massive turn on to a man Exactly Be confident Rocket love your body So I tell women and like Look in the mirror like love Like really like whatever you can do to Touch yourself Learn to love your body Walk around naked Dance naked These things actually work And they sound really silly But yes it is confidence is everything And it's the sexiest thing To men and women Like I think that we all think that Confident woman like She's rocking her body She knows Because that's the other thing When you have orgasms And you know what makes yourself feel good And you know what you want That is so sexy in the bedroom Extremely Extremely Let's talk about squirting You mentioned that earlier Good transition Yeah I know You mentioned earlier So silly was there right Yeah you mentioned it earlier I'm like we gotta ask about that What is it And I've heard people debate Is it real is it not But what is it What is the Squirting is real What is the fluid that's coming out And how do you Make it happen Okay These are important questions These are really important questions So squirting is real Like if you've been with the You know Of course squirting happens Women can squirt They can learn to squirt It's There are traces of urine in it For some women maybe more or less Traces fewer Lots of traces of urine Or But it's also periurethral fluid From the periurethral gland So that's where most of that is coming from So it's not Is that homogenous to like The prostate and the man Is that like okay Yeah, exactly So So it's literally ejaculate Yeah For female Literally It's like literally the same exact thing So that's what it is And I also think Why does it matter Sex is messy You're right It's dirty Sex can be All these things Like Get a freaking towel and lay down in your bed Take a shower Like The fact people think sex is- I like the messy part anyway So curious It's like messy It's hot It's like sex is messy And squirting and dirty And it can be really hot And so for some women They can learn through the G-spot So it's through G-spot stimulation And so you can learn to Or even through like Like your pubic mound Like here's the thing The G-spot are internally It's through internal stimulation But for some women Also like The clitoris is not just that little Here's what I'm going back to that Is it a shape like a wishbone that goes around So there's clitoral legs That are behind the like the labia The lips if you will The vagina So there's like nerve endings It's the vulva really And it's going down So I'm like Yeah, it's like a wishbone Okay And that's where the nerve endings They're extending through there So for some women If they have a lot of pubic mound stimulation Like above their pelvic Their clitoris Like this whole area I'm like pointing to That people can't see Pressure on that could also release it So pushing up or pushing down Yeah, both are pushing up Pushing down at the same time And there's like You could learn to do it It's a practice You could have your partner do it With their fingers Or with a toy Or with a toy Now is a squirting orgasm More intense than a regular orgasm So for men, you women They squirt and it's also Comes with an orgasm Comes along Package with an orgasm And for all women, they squirt And it's not an orgasm So it just It can just feel really good Or it's a different kind of orgasm Or it's a different kind of release But it's not necessarily an orgasm Does it just happen on its own Or does a woman have to Train towards that Does she have to try to Like almost push or push out Or I've heard people women Explain that they have to Almost like they feel like Oh my god, I'm gonna have an orgasm But I feel like I'm gonna pee Yep Push and then you get Yeah, it can be all of those things Like I hate to be like This is exactly how it Every woman experiences But yeah, it's like I think that you know what it's gonna You know when it's gonna happen But it's also It can feel like a lot of different things But for a lot of women Can squirt without orgasm Or orgasm without squirting But it's a real thing and So asking for a friend How would you train for this? Right, exactly I think that there's a lot You're asking for me Yeah, there's a lot to do A little training montage I think that It's great to do it manually Like so using your fingers Using her fingers or your fingers And just like constant pressure Kind of like how you would stimulate the G-spot So which is like that Come heather motion So I shouldn't assume anything That everyone knows this, right? A G-spot Well, yeah, yeah So in up, right? Yeah, okay So it's you put your like One or two fingers inside And it's like about One and a half to two inches inside And you do the come heather motion Like you insert it towards her belly button And that's kind of where you're gonna find it And it's like a rough spot That kind of feels like a peach pit And but it could feel different In some women too So but that's kind of where it's located Generally, but also the thing about it Is it really helps for women to be aroused To squirt Or to have an internal orgasm Or full body orgasm So again, clitoris It's all magic That's where all the magic happens So start by stimulating her clitoris She can have like a clitoral orgasm And then kind of go internally And again, every woman's different So someone might be like, no, fuck that I just go inside But that's a great way to like Because when you're more aroused The blood rushes to to internally To the g-spot And then it's easier to locate Interesting And in the I've heard I've read and I've heard that g-spot orgasms Feel different than clitoral orgasms They seem to be longer and deeper Is have they identified If there really is a difference between the two And people even people debate Around the g-spot too Yeah, I think there's a difference I think that the clitoris Orgasm can be more like More like I guess it can be more surface level Like it's more kind of intense And like a Fire, like a big spark goes off Like it's like a thin And that internal one can be more full-bodied But women will tell you It's all different when you hear them explain it And there's blended where it's both Like that's also where you're just kind of like It's like your whole body feels it So yeah, I think And also there is no right way to orgasm There's like holy grail of orgasm I'm just happy people can figure out their bodies So yeah, but I think that an internal one Is more like Can be longer and full-bodied Let's talk about sex toys What are some good ones that you tend to recommend For well for women I know men typically don't use sex toys But the fleshlight is like the toy for men But there's also prostate toys you guys This is the whole other thing that's changed like And that goes in the butt Yeah, that goes in the butt So it doesn't mean you're gay But the men have a prostate And when it is stimulated It's like the female g-spot Sal's been trying to give me on this for Fucking years and I just refused to go there I should have brought you guys, I wanted it What brought us to that? I should have brought you some toys What? Yeah, you should have brought us to that I was gonna bring you some toys But I didn't go into the office today As I was working from home Well, maybe we'll see you tomorrow Shucks Come to my office, see if I come I'll bring you guys toys But so That'd be great bringing those to us I'll bring some, so there's, what'd you say? I think that would be hilarious if you brought Cannabis and toys Hi, mom is like so excited Right We, so toys for, okay So for men, typically there's the flesh light It's like a male masturbation slave Right And then there's prostate toys which I mean How did those work? It's changing You insert it into the prostate And there's like kind of like There's ones that are just made So who makes ones? I like Aneros Makes one And also A-N-E This is all on my website too I believe Aneros My store is up Right now A-N-E-R-O-N-E Aneros A-N-E-R-O-S And then there's the Black Pearl By Vibertex And it's a vibrating toy It doesn't, you don't have to turn the vibration on But it just, it fits the prostate And you use lube And you can insert it And stimulate yourself And go slow You can even just try when you're masturbating To use your fingers to see if that Feels good But it doesn't mean you're gay It doesn't mean that things, you know I mean, I just think for guys Oh, you give yourself a hand job When you masturbate That doesn't mean you're gay either Exactly, so meant for men Like I think this has been Another change I've seen In 13 years that they're actually There's a lot of guys out asking They're like I want to know more about it The prostate massage And how to do it And how to do it with my partner And I think that's amazing Because for a while they're like I'm not, nope, that's exit Nope, nope, nope But it's like guys, what if Because to have that stimulation And to have, be having sex Or have like a finger, you know Can feel amazing So there's prostate toys for men And then for women God, there's so many Clear old toys, there's What do I like And then they'll talk about couples' toys Which are great too But I love anything by We-Vibe They make great toys They make my favorite one Right now is The Wish Or The Touch Because they just They're waterproof They're rechargeable They look like little eggs Like it's not like this big scary dill The guy's like oh no She's going to replace me Which I don't know where that came from Because first of all It cannot cuddle Toys don't cuddle not yet But for some women The challenge is they just They don't get around You know, they don't get turned on enough And they just need more cuddle stimulation If you think about typical In-and-out sex Pentrate of sex Nowhere near the clutter That's why my problem with porn too I'm like There is no way That he just stuck it And she's having a crazy orgasm Like there was no foreplay He's nowhere near her clitoris Like what is going on there So I think that for women You could use these toys during sex too Women should not be like ashamed to use Oh my god That's the way to multiple orgasm Use a vibrator while having sex Yes It's amazing Bring a friend You know what I mean Bring a friend too Bring your friends Bring your toys You're having your toy friend But yeah Bring your friends It's like having a threesome all the time Like don't be shameful So I want I think that there's a lot of women I know who's secretly Like keep their goodie drawer Like locked and private And it's like And I think for guys Like there are I've dated many men Over the last like 13 years Who are like known And they're like oh I get it Are you bringing your toys Or are you doing this It's not every time It doesn't matter if it is every time But I'm just saying It's a fun different thing To use And also a lot of these toys That women use The clitoral toys feel great Like vibrations feel amazing For many men On the shaft On your balls It like kind of is like Kind of soup up any blow job Or hand job Like I think in a low setting Some of these toys Or high setting The vibrations are like whoa That's like next level Amazing So then there's also internal Anything by Weevibe I love The nova that The insertion toys And then for couples If you've never used a toy I recommend using like a penis ring Like a cock ring Like the pivot Also by Weevibe Now why would you use a ring A cock ring Is that just to maintain erection Or Well so initially when Cock rings were invented I suppose The vibrating ones There's vibrating ones now But that was to help men Maintain erections Because you eat restricts blood flow And can have you stay harder longer But now there's these vibrating rings That one size fits all They literally stretch You put it on And you can wear it during intercourse So it feels great to the guy But it has a vibrator on it So she's on top or bottom It hits her clitoris and However you move it around And I mean it's amazing You're like become Your body becomes a vibrator Oh that might be painful If you if you never have Jackulate with it You never try what's going on But they're stretchy and they're Yeah they're super comfortable They're really not metal Though they make metal vibrate They make metal cock rings But these are like You've used them Yeah yeah yeah Probably like screaming omics Some that are like I don't know the brand But they're I mean they're super comfortable And they're you turn them on And they have like a little battery A little small battery in it Yeah those are the ones Screaming omics Some that are like disposable Waterproof rechargeable They're like No they're not rechargeable But they're um They're probably like 10 bucks And you can throw them away But then there's the ones That are like a little more It's maybe the pivot I don't know what that is 80 to 100 dollars But it I shouldn't know How much sex toys cost But I literally get 20 pounds delivered to my office a week I have a big staff To what to try To try them Yeah my staff So you go So this is part of your work You get to go home And try all these special areas So I always say Do you have Are you married? Do you have a boyfriend? Does he try them out too? Yeah I'm a boyfriend I'm not married So you So you take home the sex toys Do they send you man ones too And so you try them with them too Oh yeah I'm like We have to try this week babe This weekend I'm like We're trying this We're trying this We're trying the cannabis lube We're trying Oh yeah my sister would be like Don't forget to try this this This weekend It's a good amount of business We got the wrong podcast We got something that said I feel like you I feel like you would be a I get something that's too A very intimidating woman to date for most guys I would think that most guys Would be scared to death Or the opposite right Because if someone's really secure It's probably awesome But I guess if a guy's insecure They're probably like Well can we dive into your dating life In your MOU It's really funny for the first time ever A podcast that just came out Sex with Emily Wherever you guys listen to podcasts It just came out Yes this week We don't know when this is coming up But it's called having sex with Emily And I actually had the guy on that I'm having sex with Then my boyfriend I got into dating That we've been seeing each other I'm not into the boy I mean we've been You're not into labels No I'm not into labels man Don't fax me in But he's a comedian And it's really funny And we talked a lot about this We talked about Yeah having sex What it's like Because I was like People always ask me Are guys intimidated to date me So were you intimidated He's like No I was He's really he's pretty confident But and we got into like how his whole like What's the thing you've learned from me He's like I learned about the clitoris And he's like 38 years old He's had sex before He's had lots of partners And I think that I You know he's like Oh that's real like You gotta slow down You gotta want I'm like yeah wine dine And 69 the clitoris So I think it was And he'd never used toys before So that's been really fun And I think we've Yeah we have a good time Do you Do you know with your experience Do you find there There's some common mistakes That you see a lot Because of the fact that Boys don't get to They see porn All they see is penetrating Like crazy And do you see that a lot of guys come in And are too rough with the clitoris So they don't spend like So talk about that To answer your question Yeah I was going to say this earlier When you were like What are the pillar Which everyone know I'm going to tell every guy Go five times slower Than you think like All the time Like even the way you're touching And doing How fast you're undressing Or how fast you're stinging And how fast you're touching Or clitoris Touched Like literally like a butterfly Like light rainbow Like rainbow I always say butterflies or rainbows Butterfly And so I think that That's a huge myth And also when she's like That feels really good Don't stop Mentally go faster and harder Because that's what you guys want I think You're about to orgasm For many a man We're less sensitive Than you guys are Right We have less nerve endings Like whoa Don't go faster and harder For a woman Like just keep doing When we say don't stop We mean like Keep doing what you're doing And don't stop So If we say that Not speed up Don't speed up Oh there's so many misconceptions Just there's so many But it makes my head spin That's the best thing going ham Like every day There's like Why Just that Fight between that Oh my god That you just I think the way we talk And think about sex Yeah that you guys are I think that women like Just things a lot slower Do a lot of guys go down On women Or are there a lot of guys that don't I mean what do you Not near Yes I think that There's so many that don't And if they tell you they Okay there's a lot that don't And they absolutely like You get all the Why not Why don't you Like I think I think that maybe they had bad Experiences around it Or They don't know what they're doing So they're afraid that they're Going to be like Do it wrong And I think that if you're not Certain Ask Ask your part of what she wants To ever show you what feels good So There's some women that I think that's not negotiable Like I wouldn't have ended with Guys who are like It's not my thing I'm like you're not my thing Yeah I'm over I'm out Peace out There's some women that Don't don't want men to go down On them Because they're too self conscious So let me talk that's That's the other side of it So there's There are women who Who are self conscious And so and I hear from just as many men Who are like My partner will not let me go down Like she won't let me go down Or what do I do And I think from women There's there's actually two things There are women Who it really is too sensitive Like they don't like it They don't want it And typically those women Are multi orgasmic So they can have like So many orgasms during sex Or they can at least have a lot During a set and it's So they're kind of like No, I really don't like it It hurts it feel And that and that again That's not every woman But then there's also women who Are ashamed They're they're embarrassed about They don't think that you really want to do it So I what I always tell men is like Tell her the best thing you can say to women Is if you really want to do it And she let's say she's not too sensitive She's just Feels that guys don't really like it Or she's that say babe I think you're that you're like You look so sexy Like you taste so good I've all night I'm not going anywhere Like I'm going to be here I want to make you calm I'm like just relax and settle in Like to me a woman's like Really he wants to He's not just doing this obligatory Like lap with his tongue for three minutes Because literally if you do it for three minutes You could have just made me a snack And come back to the room Like three minutes is nothing That's not like a Get her wet and stick it in I think that's what Okay and Some women might want that They might be like Yeah, that's cool do it for a minute or two But typically if you're going to do it You got to settle in at least Five, ten minutes Like he's just the three minute thing Is or even a minute So um So I think that for women To just tell her she's beautiful I mean everyone looks every vulva's different Like vulva is the exterior of the vagina Some people don't know the difference The vagina's like actually the internal part Where you stick things in But I think that yes Women are self conscious There's but I think if you couldn't kind of If you're in a relationship with a woman And there's just ways to like You know listen to my show Call in and talk to her I think there's a lot of couples Who email you like thank you We listen together Because I'm not saying that talking about sex is easy Like I get that it's hard It's even hard for me Like we joked about it on the show With Ben the guy that I'm the other day My guy the other day It's like it's not even easy for me So I wasn't like day one Stop right here Like don't you listen to my show And you got to do all these things Like it's not easy to talk about We have never done it Maybe we're not comfortable You know like in your relationship now Right so you said that you're like Oh yeah yeah I mean it would because it was a new relationship I'd been like I said I'd been married for so long But probably never She was so she's so open And I tend to be that way anyway And so it was like it was incredible Right yeah absolutely It just really just opens up so much When you're comfortable So yeah I would say just turn to it Do you think there's a healthy amount of sex That someone should be having in a relationship And an unhealthy amount of sex That you could be having The unhealthy amount is when like You guys aren't talking about it And and like you have resentments And you're like I um Which happens Miss masturbators you want it More than your partner Happens all the time Yeah what do you do in a situation Like that because that's kind of common Right where one person's Wants more sex than the other person That happens all that happened That's almost the norm Rather than like we both want it Three times a week And we're very happy and satisfied What's a good strategy So to answer your question about how many times Because I'm never going to say like I will not say to you a number Like people ask me is it once a week Is it twice a week I think each couple you guys get to decide What feels good to you And um I would say that once a month Probably isn't enough But I would say that um That that's the one thing I will say Like if you're never having it You're like oh no we're fine We never have it we're great Well then your roommates Are your best friends But if you're not having sex There probably is There's a problem here Right Um and I think it's too much sex Again if you guys are having sex Three times a day And you get jobs Your life's going great Like then to have sex Three times a day If you can find the time Amazing So um so I'm not going to give a number To it it's really just where you In a relationship or feeling like Oh yeah we're really good We're we're great But the the libido thing is like Relationships are also about compromise So if you want every day Your partner wants it once a week You got to kind of figure out Well when they want it once a week Is it on the weekends Is it Saturday mornings Because there's nothing to stress about They don't have to go to the office Or is it at night You know because you don't have to get up Or work the next day on a week You know I just think that couples Have to realize Their jam and what what works And make compromises So for some couples like We never see each other Because we have different schedules Well it's like set the alarm then In the morning Before you both get or we get up Different times and set it earlier Like once a week so you know That that's when you're gonna have it Or just kind of figure out What works so you're both getting satisfied But also sex doesn't have to be Straightforward intercourse I think we're very limited The way we think about sex That it's just in and out It could be mutual masturbation It could be massage It could be a lot of other things That's not just sex Because a lot of times It's not so much that we're craving sex We're craving intimacy So it can be like holding hands Touching massage And really again it comes down to Figuring out what you both want And learning how to talk about it Without blame And this is just a relationship skill If you start out with like You never go down to me You know you never give me blow jobs Like how you haven't gone down to me Since we got married And why doesn't this happen And you never want sex It's like she didn't hear you Pass you Pass the blame Like she heard nothing you said Except for your anger And she's failing you And resentments are gonna build But if you can be like You know what I see that we're not connecting as much And like I want to know what I can do Like what make it You turn it on Like what feels good And for a lot of women I'm gonna be honest They don't Some women don't know Like they really have never really thought about it Or they're really embarrassed to say Like oh well when I fantasize I think about these things Cause I don't know how to tell you So you just have to kind of ease into it too With sometimes you've never talked about it But it kind of comes back to me I think it starts I mean you said it earlier And echoing what you're saying Is the communication piece And I think it even starts with just Communicating before you even communicate About sex Right I think that's I think a lot of people Just miss that piece And then they hear us saying Talking about this Like oh yeah Like it's so easy just to sit down with my wife And tell her after two years That she's never given me enough head Or some shit like that Like you know Maybe start with just the communication piece Start with just like I love the like As to if you're in a relationship for a while I mean I think even if you're in a relationship for Yeah you're like How do I bring it up now That I've been faking it Please never fake your organism For women And also that I've never been satisfied But it's like You can just say I was in this immigrant podcast Or I was thinking about us I was like I love the sex we're having I love you I love our relationship But I just thought There's a lot of things we could try Or things we could do And I want to know like What turned you on Like what do you like about sex Like what's the most memorable sex you've ever had Tell me about the favorite time you've had sex Cause that's a good place to start too She might say we were on vacation that time And the waiter almost walked in The room service You're like okay So you want something more spontaneous You might get caught That's really scary And we're on vacation So then you can start Or I'd say make a sexy bucket list For you each write down three things That you want to try and then you swap lists There's a lot of different ways to get there I think another I think a big problem with that too is that Sometimes people have fantasies And they're afraid to communicate them Because then they think the other partner Will think that they actually want to act them out Right And there's a big difference between Things you really want to do And things you can fantasize about Exactly And it's that safety Like you know Let them know that it's totally safe To say whatever Well there's two kind of fantasies There are the ones that you're like I would never want this to happen And then there's ones like Oh I actually think it would be really happy To time me up or to Give me a blow job in my office When someone could walk in whatever But I don't know if that's a fantasy But it's like So know the difference Because your partner doesn't have to know That you're fantasizing about Your acts Or about some hot girl at the office True You don't need to know everything Or just some crazy things That you actually don't want to happen But if there's something like I've been thinking about watching you masturbate Or I've been thinking about you The threesome fantasy Right That's the most common Being with another woman Would that ever You know, does that ever turn you on? Like I'm just thinking that would be really hot Like she might say No, I've never thought about her You want to fuck my best friend But they just wage it to be slow And ease into it But I think You know, knowing what Kind of like Not dumping it all on your partner But kind of starting slowly and Now on that note There seems to It feels like there's It was kind of movement Or something where Open relationships are becoming Kind of a bigger thing I feel like it's a resurgence of the 60s and 70s a little bit now You know, I've I've read about this I've had I've actually known people Who've been in open relationships Or tried them out And it seems like each The people that I know That have gone that route Was like towards the tail end Of the relationship Like relationship isn't working So let's try this one last thing And then it typically It's like a band-aid And then it breaks them up But then I do know some people Where it seems to work for them I don't know I mean What is your view on that? Is that a Is that a healthy Yeah I absolutely think it can be really healthy And I think you're right that Right now people are There's like a resurgence of it And I think it's also We're talking about it more That we're realizing that Maybe monogamy isn't for everybody Like why is monogamy The only thing that we see We see Get married forever Have sex with one person Till death do us part And we know that we all of these itches That need to be scratched Sometimes outside the relationship But we think I have to choose We have to make this choice We don't make that choice About anything else in our life Right? Like even if we You might have a cheek day Right? If you're on a diet Or you might You don't get a cheek day If you're monogamy You know like I'm gonna go But you can if you're in an open relationship And so I think that the great thing About open relationships are That you are The people I know In open relationships Practice rigorous You know And in a sense Like I've been in open relationships Like rigorous honesty Like you really are honest About everything you communicate You decide like What's negotiable What do you want to know about Them having sex with someone else Is it something that they know Is it something they don't know Is it You just get us at these rules And a lot of times People just want to know they can Or they want to know that it's Available to them as an option And that can help them And even just talking about the fact That they could be with someone else Like Can kind of refuel that fire And they're like Oh, we were gonna open up But we can't We are sort of open But we only do it twice a year Or it can look any way you want it But sometimes you're like We think that jealousy Is like this horrible thing But I think people in open relationships Really handle it Have a way of handling it That is so unique to people In like in monogamous relationships Because sometimes they use that Either erotically They're like Oh It makes me jealous But actually it turns me on Because I know you want to be with me Or they're like I'm so jealous The thought of you being with someone else But they kind of I don't know They just kind of like bring into the relationship Like I don't want you to be with someone else So let's kind of figure out I don't know Justice actually can be a healthy tool Is what I'm saying They manage it in a different way And um Yeah, like I feel like It's not for everybody though Like it is not for everybody But I just love it to I'd like it to be For people to understand that it's an option It's something that like And in And it can work for people And you don't have to like Silently suffer through monogamy And You might think your partner would freak out about it But I think That there's a lot of things that we hear about It's actually like Oh, I could never Have it through some I could never open It'd be horrible It'd rip me apart And that's because we don't have all the information Our sex toys would be the worst thing ever And it's like Well, but let's Let's really talk through what that could look like Or let's go see a therapist That could help us negotiate this Or There's some good great book I love this book Opening up by Tristan Taremino It's a great book about open relationships And so I think it can work Yeah, it seems like I know it can work It seems like it would be like Like a small subset of people that can Actually make it happen Or make it work Because I feel like it would be so complicated For the average person with all the And we don't see any Well, the other thing is How do you Talk about it at the holiday? You know, it's just like There's no role models for people In happy open relationships They're just like freaks or swingers or You know, my friend He's like, oh, they're all ponytails You know, it's like I'm like, no It's like Like, what are you talking about? It's kind of a stable And so I think that I just think that it's Changing right now and that I I would hope that if people are in Healthy open relationships They begin to talk about it And they can bring it into their workplace And bring it into their Or even their families And just kind of We have to start somewhere And I think the fact that we've been Talking about it is great because You know, even with children Like, you're like, well, you could Have our kids Well, once we had kids we shut it down I know a lot of people in open Relationships that have children I'm not saying you have to tell the kids either Like parents don't talk to you You don't talk to your kids about your sex life Anyway, why would it That's true You know what I'm saying? It's not what you're having So I think there's a lot of options Out there Now you say Those are the pros Do you see any potential cons in that For people? Like what do you see as a As what could be better The cons are when people Yes, here's when it's cons People are using it as a Revenge tool Or they're like They use it as like a They build up resentments Like fine, I'll do this Open relationship thing with you And then they're like They don't really want it Right And they resent their part of for it And then it blows apart So the People should do it Only if they have Really really healthy Healthy communication And you know just like Okay, so we're open this weekend We're gonna do it now It's Wednesday, Friday And like no, no, no Like you have to like Lay the bricks Really, you can't just like Move into that whole new situation You said you've been in Relationships like that before Open relationships Yeah How was the first one? Was that your Suggestion or was it his? Yeah, I think I'm more I'm more oriented towards That way But it was Kind of both of us It was Your dating And I knew that he's amazing Again, this is a great thing Because I'm friends with Most people I've ever dated And we were very Just kind of open Like we realized that we just I'm a workaholic too So I'm like working all the time Like if you don't fit into my life This isn't gonna work Like bring your laptop over We can hang out all you want That was making fun Like dating early Really building my You know company But I How did it work with him? So We just kind of were dating It was like really fun We were really open for them Like I'm dating people It was like so am I I'm like great But we really like hang out So once a week we saw each other Definitely on the weekends And then whenever we each had Something that's around for like Two years Whatever we had something like You know he ran restaurants Like he had a restaurant opening Or I had something he'd come with me We were like each other's person But we also would just Kind of be open about He like didn't want to know much about Who I was dating Or he didn't want to know anything Is he really He's like I know you're dating people I don't want to know unless you really like Someone tell me If you really like Find someone that you want to like You don't want to do this anymore You need to know But otherwise I don't want to know He's super busy We didn't see each other He's like but I'm like No I want to know about them Like who are they But if you like them more than me Like that could be hard You know it's like ego Like you find like for women We just kind of want to In these situations I think again This is another interesting thing That men My situation isn't as I mean I could There's a lot of different ways it's gone But what I found By talking to a lot of couples is that It's so interesting Because for men they're like Thinking that women want multiple orgasms They want so many partners That means just want to go out Bang a bunch of guys But for women we more want like Perhaps someone that we feel safe with That we've been emotional connection with And that That we know Or that it's you know more familiar And it's not as random For guys are thinking like Oh cool I could have this like Card if I'm out And I meet someone And it's It's more casual And that And so wait My point is that women are like They're kind of like If you We don't mind if the guy And they're not speaking for every woman But it's more like if we hear That our partner The guy On this thing He said That he has emotions for someone And he's like I fell in love And she was amazing And we're going to go to lunch And then we're going to See if I might want to sleep with her next week But we're going to build up I might be so jealous We freak out But if you're like Yeah, you just slept with some Chicks and used protection That's great Like Women tend to get more jealous of a man Having emotions Yes, and women And men just get jealous of a woman has sex Like we would prefer a woman To like a man Actually like a guy But not have sex with them Exactly And women are like Great I actually could like a lot of people And have emotional things And maybe sleep with them So it kind of works See what I mean Interesting It can actually really work And I'm again Not every woman But we're like If we know you don't You just went away out of town Or you were It was someone that we don't know And it was like a one-off Or you're not going to see her We're like We might be fine Because we're like I don't even want to have as much sex as you do And so the other way The guy's like That's cool Like you're not But you don't want to Have sex with 10 guys this week It's just one per Great You just want to have tea with him Right Go for it Yeah So it's been saying is Our ideas of what it is Is not the reality Right And this after like interviewing Talking to so many different couples It's really different Than what you realize Do you work mostly with individuals Or mostly with couples Everyone Oh everyone Do you have more than the others Or more women, more men If you don't see Clients, patients It's more like My podcast I help people And I help everyone in my life Today now My friends and family But it's all through And I would say that my show is Is 50% men 50% women Oh wow Little more men Little My audience skews a little higher male Does it really? Yeah Wow Because men don't talk to anyone Because we're open to talk about a lot of things Maybe we talk to our friends After our parents Our moms Our sisters Our aunts But guys are like Whoa Here's a girl Here's a show that I can Talk to me about it So Give me the playbook Yeah Absolutely All you just Any favorite guests you've had Or that have kind of blown your mind When it comes to sex or Um That's a good question That I don't know Who are my favorite guests Kai Um You are what I really like For men I really like um John Weinland was on my show This year It's W I N E L A N D And he talks a lot About like the masculine feminine energy It was kind of like David Dada's work I don't know if you guys know David Dada I'll tell you all about How men and they're in their math How in the bedroom like There's always a masculine energy and a Fem Even in same sex relationships There's a masculine energy and a feminine energy And how we sort of Play with that sexually in the bedroom I think was really I've no I've studied a lot of These different Ways of thinking about sex But I think of a lot of my listeners Were kind of That You just sparked a question for me Like so there's I'm sure it's common in a lot of Relations There's probably one more masculine and feminine And there's probably someone That kind of controls the room more As far as like the positions And is more aggressive What's your thoughts on reversing that role Or do you think that's a very Important thing that people should do that Should I should not always be the dominant one I should allow to be dominated sometimes Do you think that's important I think it's fun to there's no shoulds with sex Like I'm not going to say you should But If you have an inkling of it Like I was like Or take control sometimes Which I hear from men a lot Like why am I always initiating Can she it's exhausting Like he has always like His time is it ready I got to turn around can't you just like I'm like spontaneous acts of oral Like when he comes in Give him a blow job He'll be so happy So yeah I think Right Who doesn't want like A random A random blow job But yeah I think that it can't be Again That stops from getting baby stale Or boring That could be like You know tying him up Blindfold him every once in a while Do something a little different So yeah I think it's fun to play with those With the dominance in the bedroom But it doesn't have to be the entire Time-merving sex It can just be how it starts out Maybe ends another way But I think the way to keep sex Interesting And to way to keep you engaged With your partner Is to continually mix it up And try different things And play with different energies And play with anything new Like toys, lube, positions Locations All of this stuff will contribute to Having sex that keeps your interest And keeps it interesting and interesting And can actually enhance your bond In all areas of your life And your relationship Do you see common bad habits That couples make? Yes Never talking about sex Can I have I driven that home enough I would say Assuming that Their partner wants something The same as their last partner And they never talk about it That's like in more new relationships But people do that all the time Like this time my last partner Wanted I'm going to keep doing it I think that they fall into the routine And it's too late They wait too long to talk about sex And they think they can't get back But I'm going to tell you That it's not true Because there's a lot of You can always If you both want it You can get back to it I think Assuming that they don't change Because we change sexually Think about how you guys Like think about like How your muscles like the atrophy Right Doing the same routine Right With your workout routine It's the same thing for sex Like why should we think that That just because that works To get you off Doesn't mean that's the only way It's going to get you off So I think the mistake is That couples don't Think they don't think of sex As being expensive They just keep doing it the same way Every night over and over again Because the second you try to mix it up Make it interesting You're both going to be like excited Because it's something new to play with It's like let's play with this way Of doing it Absolutely This has popped up And I wanted to ask somebody Who might have the answer to this So I've trained thousands of clients Right I've been in the fitness industry Now for about 20 years And I've heard from two separate women That when doing particular core exercises They feel like they're about to have an orgasm Yes And there's a term for it called coregasm What is that? Where does that come from? Where does that come from? That's a great question I actually used to have this thing at the gym That um You guys will know the abductor Yep yep Good girl, bad girl machine That's the nickname for it Really? Yeah Good girl, bad girl That's a good name I remember I had at the gym I had that freaking abductor You're going Wait which way was it? Pushing in or you're pushing out I'm going to be like Can never get out of that goddamn machine What happened? Yeah they're sitting at their gyms out But that one yeah it's the core It's the core It's a pelvic floor That's such a the pelvic floor muscles Especially for women The kegels So it's the best exercise that you're not doing I actually have an iPhone app called kegelkamp And it's for men and for women And it reminds you to work those muscles Because we don't work them So the stronger that your pelvic floor muscles are The stronger orgasms you will have For men and for women Because those are the muscles that contract Right when you're They contract when you're orgasming So they expand and contract when you're orgasming So pumping those muscles during sex for women Can help them have orgasms And for men The stronger they are and for women The stronger your orgasms are I have a friend Jordan Harbringer You'll appreciate this He did kegelkamp with his now wife Like a few years ago And he called me Or he texted me their screenshots Because there's 20 levels You can compete on it Like it's you know You have to get harder and harder over time I'm gonna do this for sure And he was like He shot me both of them Like on level 18 He's like I'm shooting across the room Like I'm 18 years old right now Oh shit Oh wow So you'll appreciate that He's an old friend So I was like yeah So if you're like happy that last Stay harder longer You can happy you have longer orgasms Ejaculate like you're 18 apparently According to Jordan I've had it if so And so for women Yeah I know I love this Guys are competitive I should That's a thing by the way for dudes Tell me something like that Yeah like volume and distance Seems to be like this You're so friggin right That's also yeah So for women too That if those muscles are stronger Like when I do things Like when I'm doing my kegels all the time And that's just That's just attempting to hold To stop the stream of your hair or whatever When you stop and start the stream of your hair It's the same thing When you're like Someone's knocking on the door And you gotta stop paying That's the muscles right there You target them in your public floor And you hold You can tense and relax for 10 seconds Hold for 10 Relax Tense relax Or for start out with five It's reps of 10 to 20 So you hold like you Tense relax So they build over time Like and I'm telling you You do them every day for A few weeks And you will realize You'll see a difference Whoa are there Are there herbs Or speaking of volume Are there herbs or foods That increase the amount of Seminal volume that a man can produce You know there's like no conclusive data on that Like that people are like What can I eat to change my sperm I don't really know the answer to that Okay okay What about supplements for arousal Or herbs for arousal I mean I'm familiar from the fitness world There's like for man There's like Tribulus and You know Ashwagandha Can even do that a little bit And other stuff I don't I'm just kind of Getting more into this world Like I take supplements and stuff for myself But not for this So I just think overall The first thing is to be healthy Yeah Healthy diet And it's so true Like it's like Like just the healthy you are The more you exercise The more healthy you're going to want So you're going to have better sex You're going to feel more confident You're going to You're everything's going to be running One thing that I found is Because for so long We've been told the low fat You know like you got to eat low fat Got to eat low fat I've had female clients Tell me that Because I've always always bumped up their fat Because I know it's an essential macronutrient And some women You increase their fat intake Because it's connected to hormone production They tell me their libido goes up And they feel like they have better sex And that kind of stuff It is so true I absolutely believe that That happened to me I used to be low fat too I've always been a healthy work out person Like my whole life And I Used to run marathons All that like you just Yeah I was thinking low fat And then when I switched Like to higher fat Yeah for sure Like my libido went up I mean a lot of The challenge to be about sex Is around hormones And no one talks about hormones You guys talk about hormones I know I know a lot And it's just like It's so And then we just took women and On pills Or on birth control pill Or on antidepressants And men too And that's going to mesh with your libido So I think that anything you're taking Like that I'm not saying it doesn't work for a lot of people But there's probably a lot of things You could do with your diet With hormones For sure Before you go on a pill Thank you for listening to Mind Pump If your goal is to build and shape your body Dramatically improve your health and energy And maximize your overall performance Check out our discounted RGB Superbundle at MindPumpmedia.com The RGB Superbundle includes Maps Anabolic Maps Performance And Maps Aesthetic Nine months of phased Expert Exercise Programming Designed by Sal Adam and Justin To systematically transform The way your body looks, feels, and performs With detailed workout blueprints And over 200 videos The RGB Superbundle is like Having Sal Adam and Justin As your own personal trainers But at a fraction of the price The RGB Superbundle has A full 30-day money-back guarantee And you can get it now Plus other valuable free resources At MindPumpmedia.com If you enjoy this show Please share the love By leaving us a five-star rating And review on iTunes And by introducing Mind Pump To your friends and family We thank you for your support And until next time This is Mind Pump