 Hello everyone. Welcome to the session. Let's begin this time with the word of prayer. So, maybe one of us can please lead in prayer. Kogen, Garsha, Christopher, only three of us are here right now. Maybe one of us can please lead in prayer. Do you have any questions? Yes, please go ahead. Thank you Lord for this day. Thank you so much for your loving kindness and for being faithful all to our lives God. Lord, as we're about to learn this how to play in groups, God, I think you know that you help us to understand what is to be in you together and to grow in your word and in your church, God. Thank you so much. Lord, Professor Paul says about the church, God, that you pour out your spirit, God, and I'm afraid that we will not depart from the word that is being taught, God. Instead, we will hide them in our heart, and make it day and night. Thank you Lord for everything. Amen. Amen. Right. Thank you, Asha. No. One woman please. All right. So last week we talked about a few aspects on developing functioning skills as leaders. Last week we did only one hour. We talked about keep learning continuously and some specific skills that you and I will need to be as good leaders developing people and relationships skills. Now we talked about how ministry is about people. Everything we do is about people. It's not about the events and even the events and the programs that we have is for the people. As leaders, we must develop the ability to become a people person. Right? If we are already, you know, very people friendly people person, we have that in us. That's wonderful. If we are extra words, we are confident about to speak and all of that. That's wonderful. Right? But if we are not, then we have to develop that skill and building relationships. Now it's not only about talking, you know, being confident and speaking and confident in the word, confident in, you know, ministering the word and all of that, but it's also building relationships within the team. Now how do we build relationships? It doesn't happen overnight. It takes time. Proactively meeting, proactively, you know, just getting rid of fear of meeting people, being kind, being courteous, knowing the other person, just praying for the other person, knowing what they're going through. These are simple yet important skills that we need to develop as leaders. Right now, this is in a broader sense. It's not only for cell groups. Right? It's also for whatever ministry that we may be called to do. Right? We may be, you know, volunteering team. We may be a team leader leading a team in the corporate sector. Wherever it is, we are called to be people who can build healthy relationships. Right? And as a leader, we must understand that, you know, people are insecure. People need help. People are looking for comfort. They're looking for guidance. They're looking for hope. They're looking to, you know, just be emotionally strong, spiritually strong. They desire relationships. They desire to be successful. Just have this wonderful opportunity to speak into people's lives. Right? So let's go to the next topic. We will just briefly talk about developing counseling skills. Right? Developing counseling skills. Just one moment, please. Right? Developing counseling skills. Let me just present the notes. Yeah. Thank you, Asha. I just realized that I didn't do that. So I've just, I've just put it up. Right? Thank you for reminding me. Yes. So developing counseling skills. Now, as leaders, we will get opportunities to counsel one another. Right? Now, the Bible is very clear about counseling. The word counsel is used many times, especially in the Old Testament, because it was during that time when there were a lot of prophets, the Lord had sent messages to the prophets, to the nation of Israel, whether it's northern, whether the northern kingdom or the southern kingdom. So, so there was a lot of this prophetic counseling. There was a mix of the prophetic and there was a mix of the counsel of the Lord. Right? Meaning a word of wisdom. Right? Now, let's look at this. How do you and I develop the ability to counsel? Right? Now, this is an area where many times we may feel, hey, you know, I'm not called, I'm not called to be a counselor or two, I'm not, you know, skilled enough or I haven't done the right courses to counsel people. Now, that may be true. Right? But each one of us as leaders, we must understand that people are going through seasons. People are going through difficulties and challenges and all of that is there. So, they will come up to you as leaders because they will look at us as leaders and they will come and ask for Godly counsel. Right? Now, one of the things that we can do is even if we don't have the basic counseling skills, it is something that we can learn and develop in ourselves. Right? Now, let's look at this point, look at a few points here. Right? First one, develop the art of listening. Just listen without jumping into conclusions. Now, this is so true. Say, for example, somebody says, you know, a young man or a young girl, a youth comes and tells you as a leader, you know what, I'm feeling suicidal. This feeling, you know, nothing's going right in my life. I feel depressed. I feel that my life is not going anywhere. Everything's just the same. So, I'm having suicidal tendencies. Now, it is very easy for a leader, right? Especially, you know, somebody who's always talking and mentoring people. It's very easy for us to say, hey, God says that I have come to give you life and life in abundance. God says that, you know, you can overcome every challenge in life. Yes, that's true. Right? But we must get, learn and develop the art of listening. So, what can we do? Ask pointed questions and listen to them. So, one of the things we can personally do is say, hey, I'm sorry to hear this. But, you know, why do you feel this way? Then they'll keep sharing and sharing and sharing. Never jump to conclusions saying, hey, you know, this is just a devil. You have to overcome it. You have to overcome the temptations and you will be able to, you know, live victoriously normal. Develop the art of listening. Pointed questions, the right questions at the right time. Now, again, this comes over time. We will learn to ask the right questions, right? Especially because of one-on-one discussion. People are asking you questions and they're just pouring out everything in their heart to you. It's very important to ask the right questions, right? Because that will open up new ways of ministering them. Or it will open up to things that may not have, they may not have opened up to anybody, right? Asking the right questions. Three, build confidence and hope in the person. Now, the person has shared, has poured out everything that's going on in their lives. Probably about their work, family, children, personal life, mental problems, physical problems, emotional problems, whatever the problem is. Now, for you and I as leaders, it may be overwhelming. We may feel, oh, just, you know, it's been 45 minutes of just listening to this person, you know, just pour out and talk and talk and talk. But the responsibility of a leader is to build confidence and hope in the person. Never must a person get out of a counseling room feeling the same. There should be some kind of confidence or some kind of hope built in that person, right? You can do that through your words of affirmation. You can do that through, you know, just giving them words from the scripture or praying for them. Just, you know, using your own life as a testimony and how God has helped you overcome. So these kind of aspects can be shared and this will help build confidence and hope in the person, right? So that's our main intention, right? It's not like we, okay, finished one hour of session of counseling now. We build confidence, we build hope in the person that his spirit is, you know, he's encouraged. He or she's encouraged once they leave that counseling room. Now, it's not like, you know, fully encouraged, everything is alright. You know, they will still feeling those hurts and the challenges once they come out of that counseling room, but somewhere there's some kind of confidence that we have built in them, right? So that might be our main intention. It's to bring hope, bring confidence, bring encouragement into the other person. Then give room and time for the person to open up. Now, especially if you look at it in a cell group format, right? There will be people who will come join your cell group, but over time, you know, they may not open up, right? Initially, they may not open up, but over time, they will open up, right? Why? Because they've started talking, started building relationships. And so give room and give time for people to open up, especially if it's a new role, if it's something new that is being given some time, right? You know, even if you're planting a church, for example, and you have some folks join the church, don't expect them to, you know, immediately open up to you because they're still getting to know you. They're still getting to know the ministry and what the church or the ministry stands for, what's the vision and all of those things, right? So always give time for a person to open up, right? And on the flip side, never force a person. Never force a person to, you know, why don't you tell me? You tell me what it is and I will help you. I can give you some good guidance. Never force them, right? Because if you force them, they may out of, you know, they may just share it, okay, because he's, you know, he's a bastard and he's having me to share all the problems. So I'm just going to share it with them. But they're doing it out of an obligation. When they do it on their own, you know, they really know that they're opening up to you and it gives you an opportunity to speak into their lives, right? Always give time, right? Now, for example, you know, I was in Mangalore for four years, right? And as a family, we went there to look after the church in ABC Mangalore. When we went there, we were just a few people, right? Maybe about 10 of us, like 10 people in the church. They were mostly people who were, you know, retired and people who are, you know, there were a couple of youths, maybe two or three youth, but most of them were retired elderly couples, right? Now, I've gone there. They just know me, okay, as a person, but they don't know, right? They haven't built a relationship yet with me. So I cannot expect them to come and share with me. I cannot tell, hey, I've got a prior experience, so you come and you share with me. I have to give them time. So over time, it took about four, five months, six months. We got to know each other. We had all these prayer meetings together, you know, worship evenings, events together. We would meet for Bible studies and working together, you know, just working together as a team. We were just then, so we began to understand each other. They began to understand me, where I'm coming from. I began to understand their challenges. And, you know, the best part is when we as leaders, you know, we don't have to cover up our challenges. We must be open about it. We also go through challenges. We are also regular people. It's not like just because we are pastors and leaders, we don't have challenges. In fact, it should be all the more, you know, we may have even more challenges than the others. But what happened was over time, I think it was about four to five months. You know, I remember after church, I would say, if you want prayer, please come after service and nobody would come initially. But I knew, right? Because I haven't really, we haven't still built a relationship. But that didn't stop me from being available. So over time, I would already every Sunday say, you know, we are available. If you want prayer after service, we are here. And over time, I noticed that people started coming. They started sharing what all is happening in their lives or over their families or workplace. And then we began to, you know, just counsel them in small ways. Just be there to support them, to strengthen them. And after a year, it became a norm. So they would just come share. So don't be in a hurry for people to make people share what's happening in their lives. Nor should we be in a hurry to, you know, force them to share what's going on in their lives. Give them time. Next one, speak the word of God. Very important. Isaiah 54 and 5. The Lord God had given me the tongue of the learned that I should know how to speak a word in season to him. That is Gary. He waken it morning by morning. He waken it my year to share as the learned. The Lord God had opened my year and I was not rebellious. Neither turned away, turned away back. Now look at this. The Lord God has given me the tongue of the learned that I should know how to speak a word in season. The word of God, right? Yes, counseling is wonderful. You know, we have a lot of counseling that happens outside of the church, outside of the word of God, which will help, which is definitely helpful, right? We have all these psychologists and all these new courses that come up, which have counseling and all kinds of, you know, training that is given to people in terms of counseling. But remember that there's this power in the word of God. So whenever as leaders and maybe even when we get the opportunity to counsel, always try your best to get in the word of God. I won't say try your best, but get in the word of God. So for example, a person says, you know, this is what I'm going through. These are the problems I'm facing. It could be a general problem. It's the fear of losing your job, for example. So you give them counseling and then you give them the word. But I also want to say this is what the word of God says. So maybe you can go home and read it. It says that God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and sound mind. So you can claim this over yourself. Now, what are you doing? You're speaking the word of God. You're putting the seed of God's word into their heart, right? And this is good ground because they have opened their vulnerable to just open to anything that we speak. They're willing to listen. So you're putting seed in good ground. And remember the seed that is sown will bear fruit in its time in its season. So speak the word over situations. So that way we must be prepared as leaders. So somebody else will say, I'm always fantasizing or I have these sexual thoughts in my mind. I'm talking, I'm always thinking of pornography, for example. What would we say? We give them the practical solutions, practical counsel that is required. But get in the word of God. Get in the word of God. You can say, hey, I just want the Bible says, you know, we are to renew our mind. So yes, the enemy is there, but we can change our mind. We can renew our mind. We don't have to be confirmed for this world. So why don't you go ahead and go home, read about it. Think about it. Pray on these words on the squares, right? Now you're not expecting it to happen like magic. If it does, the word of God is able to do it. Give them the Reema word immediately and they just know it's the power of God. But over time, sometimes it's just a seed which needs to be watered, which needs to be looked after. And only then it becomes a fruitful tree. So give them time and speak the word of God. Now, especially if you know that there are certain people in your team or in your life group, cell groups, you know that they're going through this problem. Always be prepared. So there's some homework that we have to do. So we'll have to go by. Okay. Now, if you know this person has depression problems, so let me check verses that can bring encouragement, be prepared with them. So that's a little bit of homework that we must do. Right? Next one, depend on the Holy Spirit. Right? Isaiah 11, 2, and 4. And the Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him. The Spirit of wisdom and understanding. The Spirit of counsel and might. Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord. Verse 3. And shall make him a quick understanding, make him of quick understanding in the fear of the Lord. And he shall not judge after the sight of his eyes, neither reproof after the hearing of his ears. But with righteousness shall he judge the world and it reproof with equity for the meek of the earth. And he shall smite the earth with the rod of his mouth and with the breath of his lips shall he slay the wicked. Right? Very important. Depend on the Holy Spirit. Intellectually, we may know what to say. Spiritually, the word or we may know what to say. But depend on the Spirit of the Lord to give us wisdom and understanding. And also depend on the Spirit of the Lord to speak to the other person. Right? The most we can do is talk to them. Right? We can't shake them and say, hey, this is what you must do. This is what the Holy Spirit can do. You must receive him. We can't do that. All we can do is, God, we are giving the counsel, we are depending on your word, depending on your spirit. Even as we give Godly counsel, God, let your Holy Spirit minister to them, depending on the Holy Spirit. Right? That is something very, very important. The word and the Holy Spirit, even as we counsel people. Right? Otherwise, what happens is it becomes a general counseling session. A general counseling session, they can go anywhere. What is the difference? The difference is we are giving something that is eternal. That is the word and the Spirit. And you, we must completely depend on them. Right? I love Zechariah 4.6. I always say it to myself. Because it says, it's not by might. It's not by power, but it's by the Holy Spirit says the Lord. Right? Sometimes we have the capabilities. We have the abilities, the talent, the skills to do a good counseling session. But we must depend on the Holy Spirit. We use all of that. We surrender it to God and say, God, anoint this. That will be a blessing to me and a blessing to the other person who's listening. Right? Next one, be practical. Counseling involves being practical as well. Right? If you think practically. Right? Now, if a person, if a young man comes, I remember this, an elderly family. He's worried about their son who's a teen, who's a teen right now. And he's worried about his whole usage of social media. He's always on Instagram, always on Facebook, always on the phone, always on the laptop. So they were a little worried. Right? Now, 10 years back, this was not a problem at all. Maybe 20, 15 years back or not a problem at all. There was no phones or even if it was their computers, everyone was doing other things. There were different problems at that time. But now this is a problem. So we need to give practical solutions to them. We cannot tell them, hey, take that phone and never give it back to him. It's not a practical solution. He's a teen. He needs a phone. And now in this generation, we need a phone. We need to connect with people. We need it for all our activities. We need it. It's a practical, important need. But how can we give a good advice to parents who are going through this problem? And now this problem starts off with children at a young age. Even in their third standard, fourth standard children, they just know how to use the phone. And they know how to download. They know how to play games. Everything is available on the phone. How do we give practical solutions? So one way to do it is you can say, hey, you can advise parents. You set our timings. These are the certain timings that you can use the phone. And also let them know that your social media accounts make sure that whatever you watch is clean. It does not defile you. And just being practical about it. Talking about one of the things we tell our parents is to talk to your children about the pros and cons of media, digital media. Talk to them. Let them know about it. Get them to also look at other options outside, maybe outdoor games and outdoor things that they can do. But these are practical, right? It's not talking about, you know, this is what the Lord will do. And that says to Lord, there's practical things. And there may be plenty of practical problems that are around. So we need to give those practical answers. But also, again, depend on the word and depend on the Holy Spirit. Direct the individual to get professional help. When the situation is beyond ours to handle. Right now, as leaders, even as pastors, even as life group leaders, self group leaders, or maybe you're mentoring somebody or discipling somebody in the church. When you feel that an individual is, you know, whatever you've been sharing and talking and counseling hasn't done much. You feel that the situation has gone beyond what you're able to handle. You and I can very freely just get them to have, you know, to get professional help. Right now, this professional help again can be, you know, something that we have at APC is Chrysalis counseling, which is a, which is professional counselors who have studied. And they have, they know, they've learned, they've studied about counseling, what psychology and all of that. Professional counselors with giving practical guidance and also bringing in the word and the Spirit. So Christian professional counseling. So you can direct them to that. Right now, what happens? What if I don't find a Christian professional counselor, but there's only a professional counselor around you? Go ahead, you can start with that, right? But then you, you can be there to mentor, to speak God's word and, you know, but there needs to be that continual follow up, right? But get professional help when required. Especially at times when, you know, this is when, you know, people have gone into the next level in terms of suicide. You know, they've tried multiple times, they've tried committing suicide, but I failed. And you see that even after our sessions, they are, there's no real change, but they're still, you know, trying this. They're still attempting suicide or, or, you know, they just attempting to end their lives. Then you know that it's a serious situation, right? And to get help for them. And what about, you know, maybe a couple or husband and wife, they may come and say, you know, we're having these problems at home. And you have been, you know, you and I have been helping them counseling them. But you see that over time, things are just getting worse and they've come to a place where they were okay to even get a divorce. You know that they need to get trained and experienced professional counseling to help save their marriage. But as leaders, we are always there to be there and to empower them to build them up. Again, correction is important. It's not, it's not that, okay, only he's coming for counseling and then we only listen, we only listen and only give them our counsel, but we can also bring correction, right? But do it in love. I mean, and when they do it in love, it's, it's, it's good because the other person will take it in the right way. Guard your time, husband and wife situations, right, teen and young adult situations, don't cross your boundaries. That's again, very important, don't cross your boundaries. There are boundaries and especially in counseling, we are in no place to dictate terms on what a family or husband and wife should do. It is their decision, what they do for their family. But all we can do is give them Godly counsel, don't cross boundaries. We don't tell them what to do, just tell them what can be done, right? We suggest, we give them advice, we give them counsel, but we don't dictate terms to them, right? And sadly, we see this happening, especially in our nation, we see this happening in rural areas. But we thank God that things are changing even in villages and rural areas where, you know, sometimes these pastors and leaders, they say, you know, if you don't do this, then it'll be a problem for your family. If we don't sell off this or if we don't send your son to the school or when they have all these kinds of ideas and thoughts, no. As leaders, we speak into their lives, we minister to them, but we let them make the decisions. We don't cross, we don't enter their family matters or their personal matters unless they share it to us. Again, when they share it to us, it is their decision, right? You are never responsible for the pain of those who have ignored your counsel. Now, this is something that may happen, right? We may counsel, we may be counseling somebody or a couple or a youth or anyone, right? We're counseling someone and it's playing and counseling them. But you see that they're not taking anything, you know, they've not applied everything, anything that you have taught or anything that you have any ideas or plans you have shared with them. But over time, right? Again, this comes to the point of guard your time, right? Because if you have done your part, right, and you see that the person is still, you know, there's no changes. He or she's not putting in effort to do what has been told or we've seen there's no progress made. You know, you're not responsible for it. Never feel that, you know, hey, I did so much, but why would this person not take my counsel? There will be people who may not take it. In those situations, just guard your time. They say, okay, you know, you've done your part, you can just lovingly tell the person, hey, over three months, I have spoken to you, but I don't see any progress. Maybe would you like to speak to another counselor? Would you want me to connect you to another pastor or another life group leader who can counsel? So never take responsibility. Never feel that, hey, I was maybe I didn't do my part. Done your part. You don't have to go through the pain because they have ignored your counsel. It's all right. So these are some practical tips on counseling, right? Any questions? Any thoughts? Any questions? How many of you have, you know, probably, you know, counseled some of them and, you know, maybe you've gone through a difficult time to handle them. Or maybe, you know, they have taken your suggestion and their counsel and it has helped them in their lives. Anything? I think we'll try to counsel somebody. Yes, Oopa. Go ahead. Sir, good morning. Good morning. When I come across people who are really in need, but sometimes they are not ready to accept your counsel. I wait for the right time and they are willing to take the counsel and I keep praying that God will, he create a heart where they can accept his counsel when it comes through me. And then when I share, many times I have seen people taking it seriously and applying it to their lives and really delivered from those situations. I give glory to God for that because counseling is easy, but the other person accepting the counsel and putting it into practice and also to give the right counsel at the right time and not to force them or curse them in any way. And that is a learning I have learned over the years. Thank you, sir. Thank you, Oopa. Yeah, very true. You know, we were talking about this as well, right? So easy to say, right? You know, you do this, do this, do this. But, you know, we may not understand what they are going through and for them to receive it, it may be a big deal. For us, it can be like suicide or no problem. So you just pray, say, cast that demon out, cast that spirit out in Jesus' name and move on. You want to end your life. It may be very simple to us. But then I'm sure you'll learn more counseling, you know. You see, I'm going into depression and so that, you know, the lasting message they just pray and cast that demon out and everything will be fine. You know, just look at Jesus, he'll help you, you know. And we need to understand. Again, there comes the listening skill, there comes the empathizing, you know, we must be able to do that. Because they are at a different level. They are going through the problem. And, you know, the challenge sometimes is as leaders, for example, we have not gone through depression. And somebody comes and says, I'm going through depression. Since we haven't gone through it, sometimes we may not understand it. Right? And so it may not be able, we may not be able to empathize with them. A good leader must be able to understand and empathize. It's also like this, right? If you look at, you know, couples with small children. If you ask a youth, they don't know what are the challenges in looking after, probably not challenges, but the things that are involved in looking after a child, like children. They don't know, they are teens or youth, they have other problems. Right? So we must, I like what the Apostle Paul says, for the Jews, you become a Jew. For the Gentiles, you become a Gentile. You be who you have to be for the others. Right? So, again, that's an ability that we can ask God to, you know, give us. Right? Anything anybody else would like to share? Before we just continue. Okay. All right. Okay. Sell leaders, values and disciplines. Now, again, we look at it initially as well. Sell leaders, values and disciplines that sell leaders should have, but just a few things. I have a summary here. Sell leader must live a life free of habitual sin. Right? They're, now the word here is habitual sin. There will be times when we go through challenges, you know, anger is a sin. Right? Maybe even shouting at somebody or pride or jealousy. These are things that are there, but we must get away from it. Turn away from it. Right? So as leaders, turn away from habitual sin. If you feel that, you know, sometimes we always think habitual sin is, you know, these, you know, drinking alcohol, smoking or doing drugs or, you know, pornography and all these things. Habitual sin can be even getting angry for no reason every time as an habitual sin. So if, if that is something that is there at us, we need to free ourselves from it. Right? Live life free from habitual sin. Have a fully developed, developed relief. Live one day alone with your spouse and family and play with your team, your cell members or your, if you've got a foster, you know, with your cell leaders, right? So a fully developed real life. Alone with your family, then with your team and your cell leaders. The earned respect of cell members. We must earn their respect over time and respect the burden, right? From lots of servanthood, lots of preparation, lots of, you know, just being available, being there to counsel, praying, having a burden for them, blessing them, you know, and eventually respect is earned. Right? Faithful involvement in the local church and leadership and training and mentoring. I'm going to talk about, I don't know how it is in other churches, but probably there are teams, disciple teams, mentoring teams. That's something that we also want to look ahead in ABC because we are growing, our life groups are growing as well. So involvement in the church could include even training, teaching, mentoring, discipling people. Now, when you talk about discipling, it could be two people over the course of a year. So for example, one leader can get two people and say, hey, these are two people you can disciple for the rest of 2023. And again, it becomes a cycle and then that, those two will train another two as just a cycle. So that whole discipleship, you know, gets carried on and on and on. A strong desire to share Christ's love with anyone who will listen and a determination to help fellow cell members who wish their friends and friends, meaning evangelism. Right. So with this, we complete step two of the cell leaders training. We'll stop here. Kumblu has a question. Oh, okay. I hope my voice is all right. All right, so we'll stop here. What we'll do is the next class, you can just study, take your time, take care of personal time to study, read or use the time to just pray and seek God. And next class will begin with step three. We're almost completing the portions, but next class, we'll have the two hours. We try and complete it and then we'll spend some time just opening it up for questions together. We can ask questions and learn from each other. So is that okay? We'll close for today and then we can meet next Tuesday. We'll do the next hour to study and to maybe read. Thank you, sir. One of us can please pray. Rupa, would you like to pray? Sure, sir. Thank you Lord for this new day, new morning and the class you have given us and Jesus' name Lord that we could refresh and learn so many things about being a cell leader Father God, please grant each one of us the discipline we need and also the Spirit Council at each moment to carry on your work for your glory Lord God. In the name of Jesus I pray that you would bless our pastor with your healing asses and also Father God I pray that each one of us will be right in your presence Father filled with a fresh and new Father God with thy Spirit and leaders and guidance to learn what you're teaching and put it into practice in the name of Jesus so Lord God Father, bring this together with more of your love, more of you in our lives and guide us, Master in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. Thank you so much everyone. Have a great week. I'll see you next week. God bless. Thank you, Master. Thank you so much.