 I should have destroyed it when I had the chance. Who knew a diary could serve better divorce papers than a lawyer? This story shows that a decades-old secret affair will come back to haunt you. Stay till the end for how a loving husband transforms into another person after finding a hidden diary. Smash the like button so hard. Google can't find it. Warning. This story will be unsettling to cheaters who have a secret kept hidden for decades. I'm really struggling and need to hear the voices of others to hopefully help guide and lift me to a better place. I'm a 49-year-old female, call me Sarah and my husband is 50, call him John. These are not our real names and I plan on deleting this account after posting to preserve our privacy. John and I have been happily married for 27 years and have two great kids, a son aged 26 and a daughter of 24. He was my first love and the only man I've ever truly loved. We've been a couple over 30 years getting together when I was 18. I fell madly in love with John and he proposed to me after just seven months. I accepted and was ready to marry him on the spot. He was in his second year of college and I was working at a local hardware store franchise in our hometown. The plan was for us to remain engaged until he graduated and got a job before we would marry. I was fine with this even though we wouldn't be married for nearly three years as I loved John so much and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. The college he attended is in the capital city of our state, which is a little over two hours from our hometown. He normally would come home nearly every weekend to be with me. However, there were weekends when he would just stay at school to study or if the weather was bad. On those weekends we'd spend hours on the phone talking multiple times per day. Remember now, this is 30 years ago so there were no smartphones, texting or internet like we know today. We talked on good old fashioned landline phones. I feel old emphasizing this. About a year into our engagement I started getting antsy and asked if we could get married now. Instead of waiting another two years until he graduated, I explained how much I wanted to be his wife and that getting married would give me peace of mind. As I was concerned, he was going to meet another girl at school and drop me. John promised that would never happen and professed his love to make me feel secure. He explained by waiting we can ensure we are right for each other and would ensure we had financial resources to start a family. Here's where I really messed up. One of the regular customers at the hardware store was this guy, call him Sander, who was an electrician. He would generally be in to pick up supplies two or three times a week. We had a friendly and professional relationship and always exchanged pleasantries when he checked out. After a while he started flirting and making passes at me. I would tell him sorry I'm engaged. He told me he was too, but said he felt such a strong connection he'd be willing to risk it all for one chance. This on and off flirting went on for weeks. Then one weekend when John unexpectedly called to tell me that he'd have to stay at school for the next two weekends. So I decided to go out with Sander. We went on a couple of dates and after our third date I ended up in his bed. We met at Sander's apartment three additional times over the next two weeks while his fiance was at work. I know what you're all thinking about me now and I agree with you. All I can say to that is that I think I temporarily lost my mind. When John finally came home I quickly came to my senses and immediately broke things off with Sander. Sander was crushed and cried begging me to run off with him and find our love. I hated breaking his heart but I had no doubt and was firm. I told him we need to forget this ever happened. I explained that we were both engaged and that John was the love of my life. Sander and I parted ways he stopped coming into the store and I've never spoken to him in 29 years. Two months later he married his fiancee, call her Jenny. Then 19 months later I married John. Since that time we've been happily married and I truly mean that. We had a conventional marriage with John being the provider, my protector and being an awesome father to our children. With me being the keeper of the family, running the house and being a doting stay-at-home mom. We loved our lives and had what most would say was the ideal marriage. This was all shattered three days ago due to my carelessness. So all through my teen years and right up until a year before I married John I kept a detailed diary. When I moved from my parents house I kept the diary in a cardboard box along with yearbooks and other keepsakes from school. We put this box and other similar boxes of memorabilia from our school years on a shelf in the basement of our new home. Those boxes sat in the same place in our basement for over 25 years untouched. In fact I completely forgot about the contents of the boxes and that my diary was in one of them. Then this past Saturday John decided he was going to clean up the basement and move all the stuff in those boxes into plastic storage bins. He was down in the basement, all morning cleaning up. When he finally came upstairs he didn't say anything and walked down the hall. I thought he was just tired and was going to take a shower. He went into the bathroom and stayed in there for a good 45 minutes. I checked on him and he said he was fine and was just reading. I soon found out what he was reading was my diary he found in one of the boxes. When he came out he walked right over to me holding up the diary and said, Look what I found. He had a disgusted and angry look on his face like I had never seen before. He then opens the diary and starts reading the pages that I wrote about Sander. I immediately told him to stop and I could explain but he just kept reading out loud. I then started crying and pleaded for him to please stop. He just kept reading getting more and more agitated and louder as he read. When he finished I started to speak and he cut me off saying, Go pack a bag. I asked him why and he said, You're going to your parents. I kept trying to explain and he just very sternly repeated, Go pack a bag. I didn't want to upset him further so I went and started packing. Once I finished I tried talking to him and he just said, Leave. I begged and got down on my knees hugging his legs and pleaded with him but he just kept telling me to leave. By this point his face was red and veins were protruding from his forehead. I had never seen him so angry in my life. He's always been a very calm and level headed person. I just left and drove to my parents. When I got there I explained to them what happened, the truth. They were shocked and disappointed. My parents are both 81 years old and love John, like a son. I explained that what I did happened over 29 years ago and I have always been faithful during our marriage. They were so upset they couldn't talk properly. I called and sent John texts all night but he never responded, not even one. The following morning I got a call from my daughter and she started yelling at me saying, How could you do such a thing to daddy? She said her dad had a video call with her and her brother last night and sent them a file containing the key pages from my diary. I was embarrassed and started explaining my daughter about the situation but she wasn't buying it and hung up. I then tried calling our son but he didn't answer and didn't respond to my texts and voicemails. I also started calling John but he didn't answer. I then went over to our house and he wasn't there. I stayed at the house all afternoon but he never returned and I eventually went back to my parents' house. A little after 4pm I got a call from Sander's wife, Jenny. Jenny started cursing and calling me terrible names and told me I better make sure to stay out of her sight if I know what's good for me. I tried talking to her but she too just hung up on me. Later that night I got a call from a good friend who said John was at a popular bar in town and was telling everyone about the affair. I was devastated as this wasn't like John at all. According to her he appeared drunk and not himself. This really concerned me as he generally doesn't drink having maybe two or three drinks a year. I was worried sick and started calling and texting but he didn't respond. I went back to the house and decided to wait for John to return and at a little after 9pm a friend of his dropped him off on our driveway. When he came through the door I just grabbed him and hugged him. At first he didn't respond but eventually he started hugging me back and we talked. He smelled of alcohol and was crying asking, How could you do this to me? I said how sorry I was and told him it was a huge mistake and that it was nearly 30 years ago. He said our life has been built on a lie. He went on to say what a fool he was and how angry he felt. Being played by a loser of a man and an unfaithful skank of a wife. After saying this he became very agitated again and ordered me to leave. I told him I wanted to stay as I was worried about him. He calmly asked me to leave and give him a week to think before coming back home. I begged him to stay but eventually left crying. Over the next week I sent him daily texts saying how sorry I was and how much I loved him but he never replied. I heard from several friends that he and Jenny were seen out having drinks multiple nights during this time. I don't know if they were just meeting to share information or were having a revenge affair. All I know is that I feel beyond terrible for what I did to John. I heard that Jenny kicked Sander out and was planning to divorce him. He's crushed and emotionally destroyed. There have been rumors that Jenny has been cheating on him for years and the person who told me said she thinks she's using the diary as an excuse to divorce him. Our town has 3600 people and nearly everyone now knows about the affair thanks to John and Jenny. The feedback I'm getting is that most people feel Sander and I are disgusting people but should be forgiven since this all happened nearly 30 years ago. For now, I'm back at my parents' house waiting to return home next week to be with John. I understand his pain but think he's overreacting. I hope over the next week he will come to his senses and we can both heal. What recommendations do you have for how to best handle this situation? I know what I did was awful but I feel that John has completely overreacted. The affair happened nearly 30 years ago and since that time we've had a beautiful marriage and family. He feels our life was built on a lie, which it wasn't. What do you think of this? Thank you for letting me vent. Please help me. Sorry Sarah, you are not going to get any sympathy from me. An engagement is a commitment just like marriage and you cheated and lied to your fiancé. I agree with him that your entire relationship has been built on a lie. The only thing you can do now is apologize and give him space. I wish you luck even though you've caused this yourself. Your husband is a disgusting man-child with anger issues. I would give him an ultimatum. Either he knocks off the ridiculous behavior or you'll divorce him and take him to the cleaners. You've apologized multiple times and he's still acting like a spoiled brat. This has toxic masculinity written all over it. This is all a result of the conventional marriage you initially bragged about. Stop being subservient and stand up for yourself. I can understand why your husband is so upset but I hope he eventually focuses on the wonderful 27 plus years you've spent together instead of obsessing over your brief affair. The best thing you can do at this point is just give him time to heal and be there for him when he's ready to talk. I hope things work out for both of you. My husband is overreacting. Really? You went raw with a guy. For two weeks while you were engaged and claimed to have never spoken to that man again? Come on, no one believes that. I bet you've been bedding him on and off over the past 29 years. If I were your husband, I'd DNA test the kids and divorce you faster than I can blink. And for you, commenters telling her, he is a spoiled brat, get a grip on reality. I honestly feel utterly ashamed for just reading your thought process while mentioning toxic masculinity again to avoid accountability. Get over yourselves with that plethora of nonsense. First, I want to thank everyone for their comments, even the harder ones. It really has been helpful. I took the advice of many and told my husband to take as much time as he needs and that I'll be here for him when he's ready to talk. It's been a few days and I've not heard from him but mutual friends of ours have seen him and said he looks fine. Next, I want to make it clear that I have never met with or spoke to Sander again after we ended our affair, nor have I cheated on my husband with anyone else. I can honestly say that nothing like that has ever crossed my mind and I have been completely faithful for our entire marriage. The only time I strayed was with Sander during that foolish two-week period. Finally, my relationship with my kids is tense right now. My daughter is especially cruel. Out of the blue, she decided to order ancestry kits for the family. She called and asked sarcastically if there was anything I wanted to disclose before she placed the order. I told her, of course, not and I was looking forward to the results. That's all for now. I'll update next week when I'm back home. I wanted to provide everyone with an update. I'm back living at my house with my husband, but we're now legally separated. I'm devastated. When I came back home, John presented me with separation papers and said he moved all my belongings into the spare bedroom. He also put a key lock on our master. Solely so, I cannot enter. He's moved our son's old dorm refrigerator into our master bedroom, along with a cupboard for storing food and a coffee machine. You know, I only see him when he's coming and going from work or wherever he goes off to at night. He's also doing all his own cooking, cleaning and laundry and says we will be living as roommates for the time being, with no commitments. He's still meeting with Jenny and refuses to stop seeing her. When I ask him what's going on, he ignores me or says, I'm keeping a journal and will tell you all about it in 30 years. He's also told me several times when I tried to initiate to. Go jump, Sander, if you need some action. I still can't believe what's happened to my life. It's like he has thrown our love away and now hates me. I'm so broken. According to a good friend of mine, her husband told her that John was drinking at a table with a group of guys yesterday at a local social club we all belong to. Sander was also there and came up to John and asked to talk in private. John ignored him and Sander pleaded and apparently started crying and begging John in desperation. According to reports, John told Sander to get lost and warned him he'd better stay out of sight unless he wants trouble. Hearing this terrified me as John has never been mean or violent in any way. I'm concerned something has changed in him mentally as he's no longer the kind man I've known and loved for 30 years. For now, I'm just going along with John's wishes and told him that I'll be right here when he's ready to talk. I'm thinking about getting a little job to take my mind off things as there's little for me to do all day now that John's doing everything himself. That's all I have to update for now. I'll update again if something comes up. Thank you for your well wishes and blessings. I wanted to come back and give an update on my situation. After all the great comments I've gotten during this past year, things are really bad for me, though. John and I are now divorced and I'm now completely alone. As I said in my last update, we were living separately in our house and I was doing everything to reconcile. We did this for two months and I thought things were getting better. Then one day John came to me and asked to talk. The anger had left him at this point and all I could see was him being somber what he said to me next crushed my soul. He said he no longer loves me romantically and wants a divorce. He then apologized for being so difficult over the past few months. I ramped up the pleading and begged him for days but his mind was made up. He explained he cannot forget the cheating and lying and can't get the thought of me and Sander out of his head. Next he told me that he had put in a transfer to the Tampa office and would be moving to be close to his parents in Sarasota and our daughter Orlando and son Atlanta. This news absolutely crushed me. To cope I've been in therapy three times per week and it's helping. My therapist explained that discovering the affair has completely changed my husband and he is no longer the same person and views me differently. She said that I need to mourn the loss as if John passed away because the man I loved is gone forever and cannot be brought back. While my kids were angry at me at first they are now very upset about our divorce. I think they thought their dad would be upset for a while and would then make up with me. They both have come home to visit and tried getting us to reconcile but again for John the ship had already sailed. My parents are just sad and depressed by all of this. They said before John was like their son and he did a lot for them. I'm trying to convince them to move down to Florida but they want nothing of it. They insist on staying in our hometown even though most of their friends have passed away. I'm going to keep working on them as I'd feel so much better living near my kids and John. On the plus side I'm going to Atlanta to visit my son and Orlando afterwards to visit my daughter for the holidays and will be gone for two months. While there I was also planning to visit my former in-laws in Sarasota. When John found out he called and invited me to stay at his new place outside Tampa. This was totally unexpected and I of course immediately took him up on his offer. I'm hoping this will be an opportunity for us to reconcile. I know he loves me and misses me terribly as my daughter and son both told me he does. I just think he needed to get away from this town and the bad memories and punish me by having an affair and pushing for divorce. Now that he has, I think he realizes our love is everlasting and we were meant to be together. As for Sander and Jenny, they too are divorced. I heard Jenny was very upset that John moved as they had grown close and he helped her through her divorce. She claims they were only friends and John has never admitted anything. But I heard they had a passionate affair for several months prior to John moving and she's already visited him in Florida. Hearing this really hurts bad. If having an affair was what John needed to get it out of his system and heal, I guess I'm okay with it. I feel so much regret for my stupid affair and also feel so dumb for not destroying that damn diary when I had the chance to do so 29 years ago. I actually thought about shredding it back then but decided to keep it as a memory. I could kick myself. That's my final update. I really don't want to mess this one up so I'll be dropping this account. Thanks again, everyone. Sarah. This is the end to Sarah's story. There's no update after this. What do you think happened? I can't shake this feeling that John didn't put in all that effort and stay strong minded in the divorce just to get it out of his system as Sarah puts it and reconcile a damaged marriage. Besides, Sarah heard through the grapevine that Jenny still visits him. Remember also that in the end she even wished she had destroyed the diary instead of wishing to undo her own choices. It's interesting that Sarah was concerned dropping her while they weren't married but there were no signs he would cheat. It seems to me that she was projecting her own fears and what she was capable of onto him. Also, as I can imagine, you'd love to know what she wrote as I would too. But it might be for the best not to know the torment John went through. We can only look at his actions from our perspective. So, what do you think happens with Sarah and John? What do you think John's intentions are? Or what would you do? Let us know your thoughts down below. Don't forget to smash the like button so hard Google can't find it. And I'll see you in the next one. Yours truly Royal AI Signing out.