 Covenant Castello program brought to you by Camel, the cigarette that's first in the service according to actual sales records. See if your throat and your taste don't make Camel a first with you too. Find out for yourself. Listen to the great rhythms of Freddie Rich in his orchestra. The swingy singing of Connie Haines. And that great lover of the screen who softly whispers in the ladies ears. Castello, Castello, Castello. Castello. What's the idle all this noise? What do you think you're doing? This is a great poem in history. What do you mean? You are listening to the new Bing Crosby. The new Bing Crosby. The new Bing Crosby. You dummy, do you realize that Crosby is famous all over the world as the Groner? I'm gonna be famous all over the world too. As the Groner? No. Castello, please. All right, look, look, look, look. Will you cut that out? You'll never be able to sing like Crosby. His voice is unique. The doctor's found a wart on his vocal cord. So what? What do I care about a wart on his vocal cord? Look in my mouth, Abbott. Hey, what's that blue jade plaster doing in your throat? I got a bunion on my windpipe. Now, cut out that silly talk. You can't go around imitating Bing Crosby. People will say you're a mimic. A mimic? No, they won't. I got as much blood as anybody. No, no, no, no, never mind that, Castello. You still haven't told me why you came in here singing like Bing Crosby. Because I want to do a high-close, high-close. High-close? High-close, not high-close. That's wrong English. I want to do a high-close. That's a bum reading. So what about it? I want to do a... Can you help it? All right. Say what you want to say. Because I want to do a high-close program like his. No jokes. No comedy. Nothing but music and beautiful songs. Don't be silly, Castello. We can't get along without claps. We've been doing all right up till now. No. Castello, don't talk like an idiot. You can't compete with Bing Crosby. Look at his background. Look at his background? Yes. Look at it. Get a load of mine. Barbecue pit. Castello, look, I'm talking about Crosby's musical training. Do you realize he studied opera? Why, he spent 15 years on Faust. Crosby spent 15 years on Faust? Certainly. Then you've been lying to me, Abbott. What do you mean I've been lying to you? For 15 years? I don't mean he was on Faust. I mean he sings Faust. He does not. He doesn't sing Faust. No, he sings very slow. Like my uncle already stepped out. Yeah, all right. Cut that out. Look, Castello, Faust is an opera. I'm asking you, please. Faust is an opera. Do you know any operas? Yes, Abbott. I know two operas. You know two operas? Yes. Carmen and Miranda. No, no. Not Carmen, Miranda. You mean the opera, Carmen. Did you ever hear the third movement from Carmen? No, but I saw the fourth movement from Miranda. Don't be silly. You don't know the first thing about music. You don't even know how many kinds of notes there are. Oh, I don't. No. Yes, I do. All right. Name the different notes. Well, there's wall notes, P notes, coconut, passion notes. Cut that out. I'm talking about musical notes. For instance, how many notes do you find in a bar? How many notes do I find in a bar? That's right. My mother never lets me go into those places. Not Castello. A bar is a measure of music. And every bar gives you a full measure. Say what? Every bar gives you a full measure. Not in Hollywood, they don't. It's the home of short beer. Oh, no, no. Never mind that, Castello. In order to be a singer, you must be able to read notes. Freddie Rich, please. Hand me a sheet of music. Thank you very much. Yeah, thanks. Now, Castello, tell me. What do you see on that piece of paper there? I see a bunch of flies sitting on a fence. No, no. And some of them have tails. No, no. Look like the tails are broken off. No, no, no, no. Those aren't flies. Those are notes. Freddie Rich wrote this music. Did he write it in bars? Certainly. Freddie wrote this song in 32 bars. In 32 bars? That's right. No wonder his music is so staggering. No, no. Oh, Castello, Castello, please. He shouldn't know better than to write music in bars. What do you mean? Why don't he do his cutting up at home like other musicians? Now, just a minute, Castello. Freddie Rich is a great songwriter. I was with Freddie last night when he wrote a song in four flats. In four flats? Certainly. You guys sure get around, don't you? No, no, no, you idiot. Four flats is the key the song was written in. Freddie used the key of four flats. Freddie Rich has the key of four flats? That's right. Does his wife know about this? Look, Castello, when I say Freddie wrote a song in four flats, I don't mean the kind of flats you live in. I mean the kind of flats you play in. And the number of flats gives you the key. And Freddie's key is four flats or a flat. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Now you got it. In ain't the kind of flats you live in. No. Because the key of the flats you play in is four flats and the flat he lives in has nothing to do with the key of the other four flats. Now you've got it. Now I've got it. The program will have our usual salute to the yank of the week. But tonight and right now, we have an extra salute to another courageous yank. His name is Gilbert Bundy, a brilliant artist who has been serving his war correspondent in the Pacific. Take a look at the back cover of Life Magazine coming out tomorrow, and you'll see his photograph and many of the on-the-spot sketches he did with the Navy and Marines. You'll also see some interesting things, he has to say, about camel cigarettes. Quote, there are moments when having a cigarette seems like the most important thing in the world. And camel is the cigarette that rates. Maybe it's the flavor. It's because it's easy on my throat. But whatever it is, camel's got it. And you can quote me. Unquote. Well, folks, your T-zone, T for throat and T for taste will tell you that too. C-M-E-L-S. Camels, try them on your T-zone today. From the film capital's newest picture, Hollywood canteen, Freddie Rich plays Don't Fence Me In. I used to sing in a quartet in a fish market. A fish market quartet? Yeah, there was four of us. First tuna, second tuna, barracuda, and bass. The fish market paid you to sing? No, we just sang for the Hollywood. This isn't a fish market. Oh, no, if this ain't a fish market, what? That isn't Piccolo. That word is Piccolo. Oh, no, it ain't. Piccolo is what I had for lunch. You had Piccolo for lunch? Yep, hamburger with mustard, Piccolo. No, no, no, no. No, that's Piccolilly. Piccolilly is a relish. That's what we got growing in our garden. You've got relish growing in your garden? Yeah, horse relish. No, that's not relish. That's radish. Radish. Radish is what my girls got. Radish? Yeah, green eyes and radish hair. Look, please, talk sense, Castella. This has nothing to do with your silly idea of singing on the program. Oh, wait a minute. What's the matter? I tell you, Abbot, I got to sing. What do you mean you've got to sing? Everybody wants me to make good. Oh, I'm sorry. I've always been musically inclined. On the day I was born, my mother looked at me and said, little Louie is going to be a great musician. How could she tell? I was born with drums in my ears. Oh, all right, Castella. If you insist on singing, I might let you sing one number, but you can't sing Bing Crosby's theme song. You've got to get a song of your own. Okay, Abbot. I got a beautiful number about a girl on a bicycle. How does it go? She pushes it with her feet. No, no, no, I don't mean that. Look, I've had enough of this nonsense. Look, Castella, if you want to sing on this program, you'll have to get a songwriter to write you a number. Now, come on with me, Castella. Where are we going? We're going over to Ned Blank's music company in Tin Pan Alley. Here we are, Castella. This is the Ned Blank music company. Let's go in. Yes, Castella. This is Tin Pan Alley. We're all beautiful songs like that are written. Gee, Abbot, I wish I'd have blown along a needle and a thread. A needle and a thread? What for? To give to that poor girl that's always dancing with a hole in her stocking. Oh, be quiet. Look, we've got to find the head songwriter. Pardon me, sir. Are you the manager? No, I'm the janitor. Just call me. Ireland must be heaven, because my mother came from there, Bochowsky. And speak to the secretary over there. Okay. Pardon me, Miss... Miss... Just call me. Yes, in your eyes, Honey Sockle Rose. And who are you, young man? Well, you can just call me Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition in Lula's back in town. Come down and get you a taxi, honey, Castello. Young lady, we came here to have a theme song written. Could you help us? Oh, well, here comes our head songwriter now. I haven't sugar in thee. At hiding songs, I'm handy. Kitzel, don't tell me you're a songwriter. Greatest musician in Tin Pan Alley, and I can play any instrument. You can play any instrument? Have you a pipe? Yes, and a couple of keys. Oh, no, no. A pipe is a long, skinny thing. Uh-huh, yeah, that's my series. Oh, yeah. Hey, Adam, why should we listen to this guy? I can play any instrument too, you know. My favorite instrument is the flit. The flit? Mm-hmm. You mean flute. Flit is a spray. That's me. When I play, I spray. Look, Kitzel, Castello's looking for an original song to sing on the program. An original? Oh, who are you, unfortunate fellow? I just wrote a song about a lady price finder. You wrote a song about a lady price finder? Yes, sure. Punciene. But this guy's a phony. No, no. Yes, you are. Before I give you a nickel, I'm going to sing my own song. It's the most beautiful ballad that was ever written. Oh, pishpash, don't tell me that you wrote a ballad. Did I write a ballad? What a song I wrote. It's a song of mystery. What do you call your song? I call it our sweet mystery of. Our sweet mystery of? Of what? That's the mystery. Oh, what kind of... That's a great theme song for you. A lovely Connie Haynes sings one of the season's best sellers I'm making believe. Because I wish television were here right now instead of in the post-war world. But you can't blame me for my impatience. I'd like to be showing you right now a diagrammatic drawing of the human throat. That wonderful, intricate instrument. Then you would see for yourself why it deserves such care and attention. Like the proper choice of a cigarette, for example. Try camels on your T-zone. T for throat, T for taste. See how your throat likes camel's cool mildness. And how your taste enjoys the rich, full flavor of camel's superb blend of costlier tobaccos. S-A-M-E-L-S. Camels. Try them on your throat and your taste. Your T-zone. Just a minute, Castello. Please don't interrupt me, Abbott. What do you mean? Two nights. Ready to sing yet? Wait a minute. What are you drinking out of that bottle? My throat. It's to keep me from getting hoarse. What is it? Hoarse linemen. And the ushers will lock. Now, what's the matter, Freddie? Can't you handle it? Well, I just want to know how you want your music played. Do you want it poco a poco or piu accelerando? Was your script shaking? Now, wait a minute, Castello. The band isn't ready to play for you yet. They don't even know your range. My what? Your range. Every singer has a certain range. Now, take little Connie Haynes. Don't you like her range? Yes. In fact, I like her whole kitchen. No, no, no, no, Castello. I tell you, you can't sing on this program without some preparation. Now, listen. I've taken the liberty of hiring you a vocal instructor. Would you please step in here, Madam Spamone? Now, Castello, you can't talk. That's way to Madam Spamone. Madam Spamone? Yes. She's a great opera singer. Opera singer? Yes. She don't even look like an opera singer. Oh, you don't look like a chicken eater, but I've heard you lay plenty of eggs. No. Now, let's not argue. Please. Madam Spamone. Now, just a minute here. Please. Look, Lou. I brought Madam Spamone over here to listen to your voice. Castello, sing a few notes for her. All right. I'll sing my favorite song. I am writing Caroline. Oh, you mean I'm calling Caroline. I mean I'm writing Caroline. I don't think you'd better try to sing a song yet. That's right, Mr. Castello. First, I want to find out something. Do you have an ear for music? Yes, ma'am, but I sing better with my mouth. Castello, please. Pay attention to Madam Spamone, will you? Yes, Mr. Castello. Now, I'd like to hear you sing the scale. Go ahead. Okay. Do. Of course, there's more. The next note is me. Now, hit me. I beg your pardon? I said hit me, hit me. Abbott, this kid is asking for it. No, no, no. No, no, Castello. Castello, put your foot down. She didn't say to hit her. She said hit me. Now you're talking. We'll get my coat off and I'll smack the both of you. Boy, we don't want to fight with you. We're trying to help you. I want you to sing me the third note in the scale. Now, sing it alone first and then we'll try a few bars together. We'll try a few bars together. Certainly, I'll join you in the last four bars. If you do, you'll buy your own... Castello, Madam Spamone, Mary wants to hear you sing a few notes. Oh, well, that's different. Where? Get a load of this. Your voice sounds very strained. Yes, I know it. I strained it singing through a screened dog. No, try it again, Mr. Castello. This time, I want you to give me a nice round pear-shaped tone. A what? A pear-shaped tone. Every note must come out of your mouth shaped like a pear. Which end first? Castello, please. Madam Spamone... Madam Spamone simply means that you've got to breathe properly to sing. That is correct. Get it right. To control the tone, you must sing from your diaphragm. Do you know where your diaphragm is? No, I haven't worn one of those since I was a baby. No, no. No, Castello. She's talking about the thing you breathe with. What have you got between your stomach and your chest? My belt. No. Gentlemen, gentlemen, if I may call you gentlemen, you're wasting my time. Now, Mr. Castello, I'm going to ask you to sing these two words after me. Ready now? Fresh fish. Fresh fish. Get me to have a fresh fish. In one way, you can make it another. But I don't need her reading, you know. I don't need anybody to help me sing. Oh, but Castello, you can't sing without music. I ain't going to sing without music. My kid brother, Sebastian, is going to play for me. Come on up here, Sebastian, and play the piano. Now, never mind that, Sebastian. Look here. Castello, your kid brother can play on this program. He doesn't know how to play the piano. Oh, yes, I do, Uncle Bud. I play the piano with my feet. With your feet? What do you do with your hands? I... Oh, that's me. Sebastian, sit down on the piano for Uncle Bud. What's the matter, Sebastian? Come, Sebastian. Let's see you play something. Sebastian, Sebastian, what was that you played? Home, sweet home. Now, that was terrible. We have a tur... Sebastian, I'm surprised at you. You can play better than that. I gave you 50 cents for a piano lesson yesterday. I know it, Louis, but I spent the money on my girlfriend. I bought her a peppermint stick. You've got a girlfriend at your age? Yep, and yesterday was the first time I kissed her. You kissed her? Yeah, and we better finish the program fast. I'm getting harsher and harsher. Mm-hmm. I kissed her yesterday, Uncle Epic, but it was an accident. We were both eating the same peppermint stick. Sebastian, here I was depending on you to play the piano for me tonight. I was going to make my debut as a singer, and you deliberately take the hard-earned money I gave you for piano lessons and spend it on a high-living and wild women. You haven't been... Always do these things to me, Sebastian. Captain Costello will be back in just a moment. Thanks to the angst of the week. Tonight we salute technical sergeant Henry Schauer of Scobie, Montana. Endules with three German machine gun nests. His deadly marksmanship killed the entire gun crew. He stood there shooting unprotected, with machine gun bullets tearing up the ground at his feet. The Medal of Honor was presented to him by Lieutenant General Alexander Patch. In your honor, Sergeant Schauer, the makers of camels are sending to our fighters overseas 400,000 camel cigarettes. Camel radio shows honors the yank of the week by sending free 400,000 camel cigarettes overseas. A total of more than a million camels sent free each week. In this country, the camel caravans traveling from camp to camp have thanked audiences of more than 4 million yanks with free shows and free camels. Camel broadcasts go out to the United States three times a week. A rebroadcast to our men overseas and to South America. Listen tomorrow to Jimmy Durante and Gary Moore. Monday to Bob Hawke in Thanks to the Yanks. And next Thursday to Abbott and Costello. And I'll hear about Abbott and new Costello with the final word. Well, Costello, if you really want more music on our show next week, I'll bring along my cousin Chuck Reisner. But, Abbott, I didn't know your cousin Chuck Reisner was a singer. Very few people knew that. But cousin Chuck is Abaso Perfondo. I wish you hadn't said that, Abbott. What's wrong with me saying that Chuck is Abaso Perfondo? Because some of those children turn out to be the best people. Oh, please don't talk about my cousin Chuck Reisner like that. Good night, folks. Good night, folks. Good night, everybody. Good night, everybody. It's a great Abaddon Costello show. And remember, try camels on your throat and your taste. See for yourself how camels' mildness, coolness, and flavor click with you. To many a pipe-smoking man, there is one symbol of Christmas almost as familiar as the holly wreath and the evergreen tree itself. I mean that big, cheery, pleasure-filled package of Prince Albert smoking tobacco with the bright Christmas band. Yes, many a merry Christmas has been made merry or still by that pound or half-pound package of smoking joy. Rich, full yet mild flavor, aged in the wood aroma, the famous crimp cut for firm packing, easy drawing, and even burning. And then, too, Prince Albert is so tongue-gentle thanks to its no-bite treatment. Look at that Christmas list of yours again. There's many a man's name on it, which you'll want to write, Prince Albert. The Abaddon Costello show for candle cigarettes will be back at this very same time next week. Don't miss it. This is Ken Niles in Hollywood, wishing you all a pleasant good night.