 All right, what's up everybody? Thanks so much for being here. My name is David Perkins, and this is the workshop called Thriving Family. And if you're hoping to be in this seminar, you can stay. If you're looking for a different flight to somewhere else, you can get on a different plane. But it's great to see all of you. Thank you so much for coming. I'm gonna get started. I really wanted to just talk a little bit about family today. And when they gave me the opportunity to share with you, this was really the burden on my heart. I have four children. I have a wife named Renata. And then I have my son named Dawson, Olivia, who is 13, Adalind, who is 11, and then my youngest son, Justice, who is nine. So just curious, how many of you here like you've got kids five and under? Five and under, there it is. Oh, yeah, a lot of you, all right. How about 10 and under, 15 and under, 20 and under, 25, come on now. There you go, 30 and under, all right. We got any grandparents in the house? Just curious, all right, there you go, all right. Come on, that's awesome. That's awesome. Well, let me just tell you, I'll give you in 60 seconds, kind of the preface for this seminar. And then I'm gonna pray and we'll get started. And for me, I spent 16 years in Colorado Springs in ministry. And then felt like the Lord was putting on my heart to plant a church and to parachute into Kansas City and plant a church. And to be vulnerable, I haven't talked about this much until this conference, but the hardest part for me was my kids because everything in Colorado Springs was awesome. My job was awesome, my Colorado was awesome, my house was awesome, everything that we, just where we'd been and God had blessed it and the thought of after 16 years there and for me, 21 years in ministry, to go just drop into a new city and start over sounded really challenging. And for me, the big hiccup for me was my kids. I knew that Renata would be fine. I knew that God was faithful. I've been seeing, he's been faithful to me since I was a kid. I knew that God would be good. I knew that Renata would be fine. But I had these four little precious hearts that I just, honestly, it was a place of struggle for me where I wasn't sure and I wanted so desperately for them to be okay. And so really the preface of this is that we're three years in almost and what God has done in my children has been amazing. And so I don't know if there are some of you in this room that are asking God for faith to make the transition that he's inviting you into. I don't know if you're early on in ministry and you're wanting to just talk about the value of kids and discipling your children as you begin in ministry or maybe you've got that teenager that you're trying to connect with. But my hope is that these few minutes that I have with you can help you in your family. And making disciples of your kids. And that's really the context I'm gonna talk about is making disciples of your kids. And just so that you know, our kids are thriving, thus the name of the seminar. And so I am forever grateful. Oh, he is good to me. And so let me pray and we'll just start it. Father, I thank you for every family that's represented here. I thank you for every husband, every wife. I thank you for every pastor. I thank you for every associate pastor and every leader. And Father, I ask Lord Jesus that each one of their children would walk with you. God, I ask Lord that you would give them strength and wisdom to make disciples of their kids. I pray that you would give them revelation. I pray that you would give them courage. Lord, I pray that you would help them to make the necessary sacrifices to invest in their kids. Even when it's scary and hard. I pray Lord Jesus that even in these 58 minutes that we have left, I pray that you would give thoughts, ideas, just one liners, just one idea about how to invest in their kids to make a difference in their families. And I pray your strength and your favor and your blessing on them in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. I grew up in Oklahoma City, my dad's a pastor and I was honestly really fathered well. My dad is to this day, other than my wife, probably my closest friend. And so he is 72. And we're tight, we're extremely close. And when I was 16, my dad had made a commitment to disciple his children when we were born. My parents had the shock of their lives in 1976 where they were expecting to have one child and only to find out that they were pregnant with twins. And then at the hospital after two of us were born found out and there's more in there. And I guess technology wasn't great in the 70s. And so then to the shock of my mom's life, another kid came out. And so we are David, Dana and Deborah. I'm four minutes older than Dana. I'm eight minutes older than Deborah. And five years later, they had my little brother, Dan. My mom's name is Debbie and my dad's name is Hal. And so you can tell who won those arguments. But anyway, and so my dad though made a commitment, a decision, he was pastoring a church just outside of Philadelphia to make disciples of his kids and felt that the Lord showed him that his Peter, James and John was David, Dana and Deborah. And so I don't know what Dan is. That wasn't part of the story. I always tell Dan, I'm not sure if he's Thomas or Judas. Either way is bad. Just kidding. All four of us are in ministry. The triplets, the three, my sisters and I were all 42. My brother Dan is 37. And we've all been in ministry all our lives. None of us had a prodigal season. All of us married great spouses. And now my parents are trying to figure out how to influence their grandkids because we all had a bunch of kids. And so my parents are amazing. And so much of what I have to say to you is influenced by them. But my dad made a decision to disciples' kids. And so on Monday, every Monday he took out my mom. They had their date, their weekly date. And then he took out one-on-one each kid. So I was Tuesdays. David got Tuesdays. Dana got Wednesdays. Deborah got Thursdays. Dan got Fridays. And when I was 16 years old, I was in, we were growing up in Oklahoma City. And 16 braces had a mullet. It was the early 90s, Oklahoma City's, Billy Ray Cyrus days. And I could reach back and grab my mullet. It was so long right there. And my time with my dad on a Tuesday, I began to just break down in tears, telling him about this girl that I had a crush on that didn't like me back, which was a part of my journey for many years, actually. And so after about 45 minutes, I'm still just an emotional wreck. And my dad got up and he said, David, it'll be right back. And he walked over to a pay phone. I know you millennials don't know what that is, but he walked over to a pay phone and came back. And he said, all right, we've got the rest of the night. I just canceled my board meeting. Let's connect. And I said, dad, you can't cancel your board meeting. This, it was a congregational style church government. He reported to that board. I said, you can't cancel the board meeting. And he said, I can cancel the board meeting. He said, I want to connect with what's going on in your journey. And I said, but dad, that's your church. And I'll never forget the moment that he looked back at me in my tears in his eyes. He said, hey, son, sorry, you're my church. You're my first church. And it marked me because it wasn't just language. He had lived it. And really that's the preface of the next now, 52 minutes that we have together is I want to challenge you to help you think about how to arrange your schedule, your time and your dollars to make your family, your first church and what it would look like for you to make disciples of your children intentionally in the 1820, 22, maybe 24 years and they live in your house and how you can in the midst of all the pressures, in the midst of all the different things that you have going on. So value them that you disciple them. That it's not a passive way that you're approaching parenting. It's not an authoritarian way that you're approaching parenting, but it is a relational Jesus at the center way of parenting. And that's kind of where I want to go. I think that when we look at Jesus, here we are a couple of thousand years later and the church of Jesus Christ has continued to expand. Right now we know that there are believers in every nation. And so all across the globe, all across the world, we have not reached every people group, but there are worshiping believers all over the world. So we know that without a doubt the church of Jesus has expanded. We know that it's growing bigger. We've got that and yet when we look at the origins, Jesus discipled a few. And so he started with his one John, I heard that from Mark Triska last night and then three Peter, James and John and then is 12. And my invitation to you really, the prophets of this time together is that your kids, your children, the people that you have are your first church. They are your first church. And so to make disciples of your kids and my encouragement would be even to look at the way that Jesus made to disciples and to implement as much as you can reading the gospels, reading the conversations that Jesus has with his disciples, reading how Jesus taught, interacted and thinking in your viewpoint of your kids as your first disciples. And so for me in my journey, that means that I care very much about my lead team. I'm right now in the middle of our church plant. And so we are coming up on three years in September. I've got a great lead team, but that's not my first church. I lead a men's small group, but that's not my first church. My first church is Renata and my four kids. And so that's Dawson and me really digging into his life intentionally, not passively, but I would say in a systematic way. I've implemented in my family the same thing that my dad did, which is to spend one on one time each week. I don't hit it 100%. I probably won't this week because I'm here, but much of the time, if I aim for 100%, I'll probably hit it about 80%. If I never aim, I won't hit anything. And so my boy Dawson, he's 14. He looks just like his mom. He's got brown hair. He's got brown eyes. He's tall, dark and handsome. He's two inches taller than I am, which is creating more insecurity in me because he's only 14. He loves fashion. These are his shoes. And I wore his jacket yesterday. But he's becoming my best bud. And then Olivia, she's 13. I spend time talking with her, engaging with her. She loves ballet. She's very quiet. She's a little bit more like a mom. She's an introvert. Dawson's an extrovert. He's an Enneagram three, like his dad. So we spend our Tuesday time together just looking at each other going, you so handsome. No, you so handsome. No, you so handsome. Man, I love you, I love you. He sits in the back and the production table every, every Sunday that I walk off the stage and walk back there to go tell them the name of the podcast. He looks at me and goes, crushed it, crushed it. And you know, he's 14 years old. So, you know, his voice is a little bit crook. I mean, it's just right there. It's like, you're not sure what you're going to get week to week. But it's like, you crushed it, baby. You crushed it, you know. And every week, I mean, I'm the dad. I'm 42. He's 14. He's like, I'm so proud of you. I think it's because as soon as he got taller, he started looking down at me. I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of you, you know. And then my daughter, Adalyn, she's 11. And Adalyn, out of all four kids, she's the only one that looks like me. All of them look like Renata, which thank God for all of them, except for my dear Adi. She looks like me. She's got blonde hair. She's got blue eyes. She's super loud. Needs lots of applause. Chip off the old block. And when she was three, my favorite story about her when she was three, I was so celebrating that we finally had a child that looked like me. I mean, I know, whatever. And so I got down on one knee. She's three years old and I put my hands on her cheeks. And I said, Adalyn, when I look at you, I see me. And she put her hands on my cheeks. Three years old, blue eyes, curly blonde hair. She goes, Daddy, when I look at you, I see you. She's like me in lots of ways. Great looks, not too bright, but just kidding. Take that off the podcast. And then my son, Justice, he's an athlete and he's 11, he's nine. And he's a delight. He's right now, he's a man's man. So he's a tough guy, way tougher than his older brother and me. But I'm just loving each one of these kids. And I wanna invite you to see in the time that you have your kids, get your PhD in each child, know them extremely well. And I wanna look at even some of the ways that I see Jesus interacting with his disciples so that we can intentionally make disciples of our kids. Here's the first thing I want you to get. And that is I want you to value and think about them and speak life into them. Speak life into your children. I was reading Irwin McManus' new book, The Last Arrow, and I just loved, I just fell in love with his dedication. Listen to this, this is just, this is Irwin McManus as he's making this dedication. Long after I rest my bow and have struck my last arrow, there will still be arrows flying true. Their names are Aaron and Mariah. The trajectory of their lives will take them far beyond the ground I have taken. You are the future. This is your fight. I pulled the bow back as far as I could and gave you all the strength I had to send you into flight. Fly far and true, cross enemy lines, hit the mark, set captives free. Yeah, you just, I was done with the book. I was like, all right, let's just pray. I just, I wanna love my kids like that. Someone 27 is where he got that idea of arrows. It's where it says, behold children are a gift of the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward like arrows in the hand of a warrior. So are the children of one's youth. And so thinking, reframe, these are not the kids that just fill up the minivan. This is not just a time where I'm going to endure it until they're gone. It's not just to have a fairly passive approach where we endure these years, but to be intentional about making disciples. I see number one in what has meant the world to me and what I see Jesus doing. There's so many different times where we see Jesus speaking life into his disciples. That's the first one. Speak life into your children. But I think that we see even the heavenly father speaking life into his son. And so if you wanna know how to be a father, look at how your heavenly father fathers, right? Look at how he spoke even at the baptism event into the life of Jesus. And I wanna just look at these three phrases, Matthew 3, 16, where it says this. As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water and at that moment, heaven was opened and he saw the spirit of God descending like a dove and aligning on him. And a voice from heaven said, this is my son whom I love with whom I'm well pleased. Few things, I wanna break down there. Look at this, I wanted you to think, God the father speaks over God the son this way. First person of the Trinity speaks over, second person of the Trinity this way. I see three things. I see number one, acceptance. I see him saying, this is my son. And speaking every chance that you get over each one of your children, no matter if they're babies, elementary, teenagers, or adult children, you are my daughter. You are my son. You're mine. And then affection, first I see acceptance, then affection, whom I love, which you just say like a broken record. And then affirmation, with whom I am well pleased. Acceptance, affection, affirmation. And here's, this is the line of great parents. Is we're just like a broken record saying, you're my son, you're my girl, I love you. I'm so proud of you. You're my son, I love you, I'm so proud of you. You're mine, I love you, I'm proud of you. And here's what's caught in those three. You belong, you are loved, and you matter. So every time that you can get them to believe that they belong somewhere, it's in pictures, it's in songs. We are big on Sabbath in our family. One of the things we do is every Saturday, we spend together, I'm sorry, every Friday we spend together as a Sabbath. And we have been doing that day since we planted the church. When we lived in the springs, it was on Saturdays. But now in the middle of the church plant, it's on Fridays. And we're doing intentional things to help them feel like they belong. So even we write songs, I know this sounds cheese factor all the way to the roof. And I'm intentionally being vulnerable and risking you mocking me as you walk out the doors. But what I do is I want all my kids to know they belong and there's lots of ways. So they will one day think it's easy, so they will one day think it's incredibly weird that Renata and I took a picture with each one of them with a verse that we put for them and put it over their bed when they were a toddler and their whole lives, the last person they see before they go to bed at night is their parents with a picture of them with a verse. One day they might think that's a little bit crazy but right now they think it's normal, right? And it's just defining, hey, you're ours and you belong. And we love you and we're gonna have some good days and some bad days, but you belong. And so I've never written like, you know, song like Reckless Love like Corey Hasbury. I'm working on it. But I have written a bunch of family songs that we sing in the car. And my idea is, is I'm trying to get them to know this is who we are. So we sing, I mean we get in the car and when we sing take me out with my family, take me out with my friends. We'll sing together and laugh and play. It's gonna be a super fun day cause it's Dawson Perkins, the leader, Olivia Faith, the princess. They're getting older now. Adeline Grace is a movie star. Justice is screaming in the back of the car it's cause he was one when we wrote the song. We haven't changed it. Now he's nine. He never screams. He's like the most quiet kid we have but the lyrics live on. And it's mommy passing out Chick-fil-A. Daddy screams, hip hooray. Let's all start by praising King Jesus for giving us this day. Hooray, right? And then we all scream and thank you very much. Yeah. Thank you. But the idea is, and we've got lots of them. I will only sing one. But we got lots of them and the idea is I'm just trying to create, man put it over their bed. I'm trying to think, let's have the song. This is the family song. But it's this idea. You are ours. You belong. You belong, you belong. And then it's, and you are loved. That's the second one. This is my son, whom I love. And so every single possible way. Text, spray it, say it, put it on their walls, sing it. I mean, depending on how little they are, it's a little bit different. But honestly, I'm gonna be a little vulnerable here. I know it's being recorded. But I remember having a pastor friend of mine tell me I was too affectionate with my sons, right? It's a little too much, right? And I didn't know how to respond to that because it was someone that I really respected. And he was like, yeah, I just, I think you should pull back a little bit. This is when they were really little. And so just today's Tuesday, so just last Saturday, I went over at my nine year old son's basketball game to coach him for just a second on basketball, which I'm not, whatever. And he'd be the judge on how good of a vice it was. But anyway, so he's sitting there with his other nine year old friends. I'm not the coach. I'm just the parent that comes over at halftime that's gonna basically tell him to hustle, right? And I go and I whispered in his ear and he looks at me and he says, thanks dad, kisses me on the cheek. Yeah, you know what's happening to me? I mean, I've got right now, I've got four kids. There's as affectionate as they can be. And I think right now, and I know right now, you're like, well, just wait, high school's coming. You don't know nothing. Why are you talking on parenting right now? I don't know what I don't know. All I know is this, is that we're in the thick of it, but right now I'm seeing God at work and my kids. And I'm seeing a family that's really, really close. And so when Lee says, hey, talk on what's on your heart. I'm like, well, I've been doing, I didn't have been doing prayer seminars for 20 years. I'm gonna just swing the bat and talk about my kids cause this is what's alive in my heart. And right now I've got this family that's really, really close. And I can see some of the fruit of just like a broken record saying, repeating, declaring, hey, you belong. Hey, you are loved. Hey, you matter. And trying to get that in the hearts of my kids. I see Paul doing the you matter thing. So here's how the father says, with whom I'm well pleased, I think every one of our children from mother, from father, they want to know that they're pleasing. They want to know that they matter. And I love the verbal shout outs that we find Paul giving all of his spiritual sons, right? He does it frequently. He says in Philippians, he says, he shouts out Timothy. He shouts out Epaphroditus and Ephesians. He shouts out Taichikus, a brother and a servant. Colossians, it's Epaphrys who's always wrestling in prayer for you. And here's what he's doing. He's declaring to them that they matter. He's helping them understand that he sees them. You belong, you're loved, and you're seen because people tend to become what the most important people in their lives think they will become. And so you are the most important person in your kid's life, and you want to remain that way. You want to be that person that so makes emotional, spiritual deposits in their lives that you maintain that position. And so I mean, my brother's 37, and my brother still says that the person who disciples him is my dad. Both my triplet sisters are 42, and they're both eloquent and they're both small, they're, we're all about the same size actually, but I always say if I'd had the womb to myself, I'd be 15 feet tall. But anyway, so, but they're frequently talking about what it meant that my dad's spent this intentional time one-on-one. So what Renata and I have done is it, I loved what my dad did, and so Renata and I do where we both do this. So she spends one-on-one time, I spend one-on-one time every week, which is a lot. It's a big sacrifice to speak these things into our kids. Sometimes it's privately, sometimes it's publicly, sometimes it's a public shout out like Paul or like the father audibly declaring in Matthew three into human history, his delight over his son. This is my son, whom I love, with whom I'm well pleased, but getting it in there, speaking it. And I think the first step for us is speaking it, saying it, speaking life into your kid. The second one that's big is connect their hearts to Jesus, to speak life into your kids. The second one is connect their hearts to Jesus. Your big win is connecting your child's heart to Christ. It's their personal relationship with Jesus. It does not matter as much if they're a great athlete, if they're a scholar, if they have even great behavior, if they're a good citizen of our country, the number one thing you want, the center of the target is their personal relationship with Jesus, that's your aim. That's your goal. Is it mostly you? No, it'd be great, but here's number one, it's Jesus. You get that and you get everything. Because they will go through some good days and some bad days. I won't tell you those stories because I don't have permission for my kids, but they have gone through some hard days. And if it was just me, I'm not sure exactly how things would go if they were just a relationship with me. But they've each got, I've been working pretty hard, but not I've been working pretty hard in the relationship with Jesus. So even dialing back the conversation is not usually, hey, here's what we want. And as for me in my house, I want you to do this. It's, let's talk about your relationship with God. And what does Jesus think about that? And what's he saying to you? So you get, you want to highlight that. You want to make that the center. I think sometimes we don't know what the target is or we think that there's lots of targets. And because we think that there's lots of targets, we got to get them right in all these areas. Then we miss the big one. And I'm fine with there being some other smaller ones. I just want to make us, I'll tell you what I think. What I believe firmly really clear is the center is that relationship with Jesus. I like the story of Matthew Emmons 2004, Olympian shooting, riflery. And it's a great story because he was by far the best shooter, went in, represented America. And in his last shot, he only had to hit, he only had to hit the target. He didn't even have to hit the bullseye. He just had to hit the target to win gold. Went back, made the shot, bullseye. Not just the target, bullseye. Looks up at the scoreboard and he dropped to eighth place. Illogical, doesn't make sense. Wait a minute, hit the bullseye. How can I possibly drop from first to eighth? The story, 2004, he hit the bullseye of the wrong target. Right? Yeah. Listen, if you're not careful, you'll hit the bullseye in the wrong target with your kids. You'll think, well, I need to get all the behavior right or in our culture, a lot of applause if I raise good kids. Here's my thesis, some of you may push back on. I'm not trying to raise good kids. I'm trying to raise Christ followers. And if I get relationship with Jesus, then they may have some dark moments. They may have some moments where their behavior doesn't align with their conviction. But if at their core they have Paul's Confessions and Philippians 310, I want to know Christ. If I get that, I've got it all. And so a lot of times, man, we have stressed some behavioral law and we've missed out on relational discipleship. And a lot of times their darkest moment is your greatest opportunity, right? So my dad discipling me, he took my darkest moments and made it my greatest opportunities. I had a moment where seventh grade, I was four foot three in the seventh grade. And I, we had just moved from Idaho to Oklahoma City. I went from Christian school to public school and I hated life. My sisters were a head taller than me. And we went to this public school where the first day I was shredded. I mean, just, I was thrown into a locker. I didn't even really know. I had been so protected. I didn't even really know like cussing and swearing. I just, I didn't even know. And suddenly I was being called things. I'd never know. And I went through this bullying phase. And I started to become angry. I started to change. I had been a good kid up to that point. And I started to have such anger and hurt inside of me. And my dad took those moments not to change my behavior, but to ask me about my relationship with Jesus. And so I'll never forget there was one kid who was by far the most challenging. And he was, he was the largest bully in my life. And I began to share with my dad in our Tuesday time, in seventh grade, here's this kid that I hate. And my dad didn't, he didn't take that moment to say, hey, you need to not act out. He dug into my heart. It's like pulling on heartstrings, okay? Asking questions. Jesus always asks questions of his disciples, you know? Hey, Matthew 16, who do you say that I am? Right? He's John 21. Do you love me? I mean, do you believe me? Those are the kinds of questions he's always asking. Our tendency is, all right, we're gonna create the guardrails. We're gonna create structure and law. And we're just gonna keep our kids on track until they walk across the platform when they're 18. But I'm telling you, as a 20 year youth pastor and as a father, these are real people. And so you're leaning in and it's your opportunity to make disciples. What do you feel like? What do you, what's the Lord saying to you in this process? And so I looked back at my dad in seventh grade and said, what's the Lord saying to me? And of course, typical parenting is to say, hey, we're gonna pull you out of that school. We're gonna get you in a safe place. I'm not letting anything happen to my boy. My dad loved me a lot, right? And he, I mean, I'll never forget him getting down on one knee, looking me in the eyes so he could see his teenager face to face, eyeball to eyeball and saying things like, hey, I know this season seventh grade is hard, but it's in this season that you'll either become a rebel or a John Wesley. I'm not ripping you out of that. This is your opportunity to grow close to Jesus. This is your opportunity. Who does God want you to be right now? I'm thanking God for this season so that you can get close to Jesus. You got a dad like that instead of a dad that's like, just wanting to go, I'll go kick the bully in the teeth, you know, some of that kind of stuff. I had a disciple maker, I had a father that helped me refocus on Jesus and it changed everything for me. And so then when I'm telling him about this kid, he said, what does Jesus want you to do? I said, I don't know. He said, well, let's, let's read Jesus. Do you know, do you know where Jesus talks about how to handle your enemies? Well, I know it's in there, but I don't know where. Do you care if I help you? Okay. All right, let's read it. And my dad shows me, all right, love your enemies, pray for those, persecute you. And I'm like, oh God. I mean, I'll never forget, seventh grade. I'm like, dad, I know this works for you because you talk about this on Sundays and stuff, but he's like, and then it's just, but it's, I was 12. David, is this real? Or is this, is this just theory? I mean, I was a typical 12 year old, you know, just rolling my eyes. Are you serious? But slowly, not immediately, but slowly. Okay, let's pray for him, developing the language. All right, we'll pray. And then went back loving him, eighth grade. That kid became my best friend. That then that kid gave his life to Christ at my house at midnight. Then that kid became the little prayer warrior with me. We started a little prayer meeting that met every day. And I saw hundreds of kids give their lives to Christ in high school. And it started with this, and he was my best friend that then became a missionary when we graduated college. Like, but here's my point. It's this, it all started. Sorry. For me, with a father, he's not just talking behavior and he's not just saying, this is how it's gonna go in my house. This is how we're gonna do, it's pointing me to Jesus. And so, I wanna encourage you in your one-on-one times and in everything that you've got to help your kids have a relationship which is an invest your time, your money. If you get that, you get everything. And so with my kids, they know I've got a soft spot. If it has anything to do with their personal time alone with Jesus, I say yes. If they say, dad, I want this brand new Bible, yes. And I'll invest it. So, we have a, I drove a car to the airport on Sunday that has a suburban 2,001, 207,000 miles on it. I don't care about cars, but my little girl, she has a journal that was $60. Journal is $60? That's a lesson. Uh-uh. For me, I'm like, no, you cannot have cheese on your cheeseburger. We will not pay the extra 40 cents. But you want a $60 journal? Absolutely. You got it, right? My son Dawson, he just said, hey dad, that Louis Giglow just came out with this really cool new Bible, you know? And I was like, yes, absolutely, right? Cause it's feeding what I care about, right? So, like for them, we have a culture in our family. We spend time with God each day. We don't hit it 100%, but we aim for 100%. We aim for 100%. Then we hit 75, 80, 85, 90, but we're gonna get there. And so our Sabbath day is not that we, and I'm not trying to be offensive, I'm just telling you, this is testimony. It's not, I don't take Sabbath and go, oh, that just means we go water ski, snow ski, or ride bikes, or just put, no, no, no, it's, we pray and play, but we pray. We're gonna get close to God. And so, a part of our culture is, we go sit at one of the hipster coffee shops in town, and that's expensive. That's $4 for a pour over, right? But here's, yeah, the Shekinah, but here's what we're doing. We're having conversations. Tell me about what's going on with you and the Lord. Tell me, let's talk about it. And it's creating, it's creating the, here's the center of the target in this family. Center of the target is not just that you're the preacher's kid that doesn't do bad things. Center of the target is not that you make it through high school without doing some bad things. You're probably gonna mess up. But man, I wanna make sure, if you've got a heart alive for God, and then the moment where you start to see it twist, I mean, you do everything. And I know, I know that every single person, it's voluntary love. None of this is forced. You cannot, I mean, you're really dealing with people who have free will, and these are real people when they're nine, and they're real people when they're 11. They're real people when they're three, right? And we had some weird moments, right? I'll never forget the moment. We talked about Jesus all the time. And so, Renata was like doing jumping jacks, you know? Trying to get Olivia. He's like, come quicker. And I'm just, I don't know why I'm telling you this. And all of a sudden Dawson's three years old, he started doing jumping jacks. And I was like, what are you doing, Dawson? He's like, well, you're trying to get Olivia out. I'm trying to get Jesus out, you know? Like, we just, we had lots of conversations. Some was bad theology, right? He knew Jesus lived inside of him. But anyway, sorry. Yeah, that's cute, but not theologically strong. But you had Mark Driscoll last night, so you're fine. So for me, that's my win. So we, so with that end in mind, we kind of form everything around that. So that means each of them have kind of their place where they spend time alone with God in the house. We invest in Bibles and journals and highlighters. It means that on our Friday Sabbath, we have a $20 coffee moment where we talk about what God is doing. It means that I'm not the dad that only teaches my kid how to play baseball and basketball and then never teaches them how to spend time with God. I know I said that in a condescending way. Let me rephrase that. I want to be a father that teaches them what values most, what I value most. And what I value most is it's not their education and it's not if they're gonna be a great athlete or even a hard worker. What I want most is their relationship with Jesus. So I've taught them how to spend time with God. I'm not trying to be pious when I say that. I'm just telling you the center of the target for me. Does that make sense? It's the center of the target. And so that's, if you think about I live and I wanna raise good kids, you will live differently than if you think I want disciples of Christ that know him. If you think mostly about behavior modification, your reputation, you don't want them to go off the rails and do bad things. I'll never forget my dad having a moment with one of my sisters. She was blonde, good looking. We went to a high school with 2,500 kids and she had so many different boys that were pursuing her. She had a guy who ended up playing varsity, NCAA football, he was cool guy. He really liked my sister. He was not following Jesus. And my dad who had made this investment in having a meeting with her since she was in the first grade every Thursday, having conversations with her and his heart breaking as her heart was turning towards this good looking football player that really liked her. And my dad looked at her and said, "'All right, I can feel you starting to shut me out.'" And he said, "'But I'll make a deal with you. "'If you will keep your heart open to me "'and talk to me about what God is saying, "'what Jesus is doing in your life and not shut me out, "'I will have no rules. "'You can date him. "'What I care about is that you keep your heart open "'and you keep talking to me about Jesus "'and what Jesus thinks about him "'and Jesus thinks about you dating him. "'And if you're gonna make, end up in a covenant marriage "'with him, if you'll stay vulnerable "'and keep talking to me, "'I won't put a guardrail that says you can't date this man.'" Interesting parenting moment, isn't it? But you know what happened? She made that deal. She made that deal. And my dad discipled her slowly out of the relationship, instead of just law. And so before too long, she was... Nope, he's not the one. And I'm just telling you, I'm not telling you to do what my dad did. I'm inviting you to think about your when being, you have a relationship with Jesus. I am a disciple maker. I'm helping, I'm, follow me as I follow Christ and I'm gonna help you follow Jesus and you're helping them. You're getting their vertical relationship with Jesus right and you're, it's your big passion about you talking with them, discipling. It's what we see Jesus, Jesus asking questions, one-on-ones conversation. So for me, I taught my kids and this is what they do. And right now we're in a phase where we've even taught some different methodologies about how to spend time alone with God, but I've taught them to start with praise. We moved to thanksgiving, go to confession, go to scripture, then we pray about the next 24 hours. All right, then you've got, I mean, we've taught them, we've taught them about kind of that soap method. You know, there's lots of different ones, but I'm talking about those are the things that they've got an education on. You know where they're like, spending time with Jesus knowing, the scriptures walking with Jesus, number one priority. Very simple idea. I'm just inviting you to think about what does it look like for you to spend your time and your money making sure that the center of the target for your kids is their personal relationship with Jesus and you'll do anything. I promise you this. If you right now have four kids, they're elementary and in their 20s, they're walking with Jesus. You'd rather have a church of 50 and four kids who are alive in God than a mega church and have them say, I forget God, I'm out. So in these precious years that you've got, slow down and be intentional. Think, I'm not telling you to do our methods. I'm inviting you to have methods. What's the way? What's the process? God, how can I make this? I got a 16-year-old boy. God, I got a five-year-old little girl. God, I got a 21-year-old son. And be strategic on connecting their heart to Jesus, helping them connect. Know him. And then the last one is to fight for their heart, is to fight for it. Like, as a parent, giving everything. Ha-ha, guess who called me while I'm talking to you? My dad, told ya, we're friends. He just left me a voicemail. I should read it, just to prove to you. I won't. You're gonna have to fight for it because you are competing with the entire culture, right? The entire culture and everybody's fighting for the hearts of your kids. Your kids will be discipled by something. The question is, will they be discipled by Jesus? Will you help them be disciples of Christ? Somebody's gonna disciple him, right? Whether it's the radio, music, sports, theater, they will end up valuing something. Fashion, I mean, they're going to allow something to influence them. They will give their life something. The question is, will it be Jesus? And as the steward of their little hearts, or big hearts, depending on their age, you're, I'm telling you, it is a fight. Guard your heart, Proverbs 4, right? Guard your heart, for it's the wellspring. I wanna invite you to think about fighting for it. We were on a family bike ride this last year, and I was a 20-year youth pastor, so my kids right now, they're helping me write my sermons, because I'm so stressed out about it. And so we're all on six bikes, and my daughter Adalyn, she says, dad, she's blonde hair, blue eyes, third born. Dad, I've got a great idea for a new series at church. And I said, what is it? And she goes, take me to church. And I was like, ooh, I like that. And I said, evangelism, what are you thinking? What does it take me to church? She's like, I don't know. It's just a new cool song. It's a new cool song? Oh, it is? Yeah. Okay, I'm still believing it. I'm like, YouTube, take me to church. It ain't church. Definitions of words? This is a different game, right? What? So here it is, my innocent 11-year-old girl thinking this perverted song is about take me to church, little hooks. She is a homeschooled church planner's kid. I said, where did you hear this? And she goes, it's in the mall. It's in the coffee shops. I hear it everywhere. You always sit at Barnes & Noble with those leaders and we're listening to the radio. It's like, take me to church, right? She's singing it. Here's my point. Media, somebody is gonna disciple your kids. And you gotta fight like crazy. You gotta fight, so you're thinking through in your house. And again, like I just said that we homeschool, my goal is not to homeschool with the whole philosophy of protecting them from the big bad world. I know that's kind of the stereotype of most homeschooling. But here's my thought. Man, I got precious years to make disciples. I want them as much as I can get them, right? I wanna keep them close. And so I wanna encourage you to think even when we read, I mean, Deuteronomy, listen to this language, I'm just gonna read it. I'm just gonna read it in the message because I know you know this well. But just hear this afresh from the message. Eugene Peterson kind of just makes it fresh. Deuteronomy six, attention Israel, God our God. God the one and only. Love God your God with your whole heart. Love him with all that's in you. Love him with all you've got. Write these commandments that I've given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you. That's the most critical piece to making disciples of your kids. If you're not a real disciple of Jesus, then I'll see Jesus in you. Good luck making disciples of your kids. Sorry, I'm kind of harsh today. I don't mean to be harsh. I'm just saying this how it is. Get them inside of you and then get them inside of your children. That's what we're talking about today. You get this inside the heart. Talk about them wherever you are. Sitting at home or walking in the street. Talk about them from the time that you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. I'm just telling you, even kind of getting kind of literal about this. I mean, for us, we just try to think morning, noon, night. Like what does it look like? What does it look like for them to spend time alone with Jesus in the morning? And that's an aim. We're not a spends time with them. My wife doing just a little conversation about Jesus and Bible in the afternoon. And then we've got in the evening, I take out one of them and then we do what we call tribal Bible. And we named it when they were three and you know, one, three, five, seven. Now it's kind of weird. We still call it that, right? It's conversations. Let's get the word of God. And I hear lots of pastors that mock that and say, oh, we're never able to do that. It doesn't really work. I'm just gonna go on the other team. I'm gonna say, I like it. I'm gonna say, my dad would do it with us. We do it. We love it. We love having these conversations. It's kind of just pulling out. Okay, what do you think Paul is saying here? What do you think God is doing? It's helping them get that conversation inside of them. And for me, it's just some of this Deuteronomy 6. We're gonna get it in them. I wanna encourage you to think you will have a philosophy on parenting. You already do. You're doing something, right? Like, and I wanna invite you to think not just authoritarian. This is how I see many of my friends, honestly. And they would never, they're saying, well, I'm kind. I'm nice. But the way that they lead, some of my friends, my buds, it's, this is my house and while you're under my roof it's gonna go this way. And I'm just like, that's got a short lifespan. Like, I remember when I was growing up my best friend was another pastor's son in town. And so we both went to the large public high school and he and I were really tight. He was a musician. He was a baseball player, played wide receiver. I was this size and he was a different size. We were tight close friends. And we would talk in high school and I had this tight friendship with my dad. And my dad, who was a pastor, would ask me questions. Did not, did not talk law and behavior. He talked heart and motive and spent time. Let's talk about it. And my dad, I told you the story to start this session. Hey, I'll cancel the board meeting. I just wanna hear. That wasn't even like a, that was me having a crush on a girl that didn't like me. And he was willing to cancel the board meeting. Just hear that. Most of us would not see that as a crisis. We'd be like, oh, my boy's being dumb. You know them boy, they know. My dad, this is a moment. So why do you like this girl? And what, and how does that make you feel? And how do you think Jesus sees this? And I'm telling you, I watched one of my dear friends become mad and he had a great dad. I mean, great Bible teacher. Honestly, probably, I mean, smart, really smart. And I just watched him slowly get cold. Slowly get cold. We were roommates in college at University of Oklahoma together. Just two of us roommates dorm room. And all of a sudden the temptation was on. I mean, I mean, both of us had the exact same ones. And in that moment, I decided there was a place at the top of the dorm room. And I'm gonna go be alone with Jesus a couple hours a day. And he decided I'm gonna go join that frat and we have gone opposite directions. And I'm 42, talking about making disciples your kids. He's living about as far from Jesus as you can. I'm not comfortable saying it. It's that bad. And I wanna tell you, I know, and I don't mean to over spiritualize, overstate. We were best friends. I watched it. I watched about how my dad watched my struggles and my challenges and said, let's talk. And his dad said, not in my house, boy. And both of them use the same Bible. One just said, let's just be relational. One was authoritarian and other parents tend to just be passive, you know, like we're not gonna really have a plan or a strategy. We're just gonna punt on strategy and just pray to God we survive. I wanna invite you not to be passive. I wanna invite you to be relational. Jesus is relational. Jesus with his disciples talking to him. Jesus doesn't just always come in and say, he says, oh, Peter, you just, you love me? You love me? Come on, let's talk. Everybody's saying some things. Some say, who do you say that I am? Some say you're like Elijah. Some say you're John the Baptist, one of the prophets. Who do you say they are? Questions. Pull it out of their hearts. I'm amazed how many dumb parents keep monologuing at their kids. Dialogue, listen. Jesus listened when he made disciples. Your temptation is always gonna be, I'm better, I'm bigger, I'm stronger, I know more. You pull that, it's a short shelf life. It ends. One day they're like, peace out. You don't want my money, my house, my car. You don't want that. Sorry, I'm getting more dogmatic. I was nicer yesterday. I wanna invite you to just, so I'll just close with this. Just tell you this story. So for me, parenting, my kids, planning the church, I have watched small moments that seemed like moments I could quickly correct it, where I just listened, become moments that drew them closer to the Lord, right? And I gave you the examples of my dad. I think we see it in the life of Jesus. And one of them was this, February 2016. We've spent 16 years in Colorado Springs. Dawson was born there in 2004. Olivia 2006, Adeline 2008, and Justice 2010. And we're moving to plant a church. Our kids had a great life in Colorado. Dawson, strong social kid, had a great life, 11 years old. I'm driving the U-Haul. I've got two kids with me. Renata's driving the suburban behind me. I-70 East, it's our move to Kansas City. And Renata calls me on the phone and says, Dawson's not doing well. He's being a problem. And I just can't handle it. Can you take him? So he's pulled over. I put two other kids back with Renata. Just me and my 11-year-old. And this is the moment. This is the moment you can be like, how dare you do that to your mom? And this is a stressful moment. We gotta make this trip and da-da-da-da-da-da-da. You know, all that kind of stuff. Parenting, authoritarian, or passive. Just be quiet. I can't handle this. I'm about to make the biggest risk of my life. And I just can't handle you creating tension right now. Or a relational discipleship. Dawson, what's going on? Nothing. Come on. Talk to me. We got eight hours, brother. And driving across Kansas ain't that pretty. So, 10, 15 minutes in. I just, I don't know. Dad, so when we get there like, when we go to start this church in Kansas City, is it like you don't have a job? Right. Church, so that's different than taking over a church. When we get there, we're gonna start the church in September, but when we get there, there's no job. And he's like, so that means like, like no salary? Like, right. And he's like, 11 year old boy. Dad, you know I'm turning 12 in June, right? Yeah, I know. Are you gonna have enough money to buy me a birthday present? Motive, could have just got behavior. Come on, boy. Come on, we don't act like that. We don't drive our sisters crazy. We don't talk back to our mom. What's going on? What's going on? Talk to me. Pull it out. Ah, okay. So it became a great moment. Let's talk about it. What is God like? Has God provided in the past? What do you, do you think God will provide? I know we've always worked at a big church, but right now we're gonna see how this works with starting churches in cafeterias. Like let's just go, you know. All of a sudden, what do you believe in? Do you think God can? I think God, yeah. I think God cares. I think God cares. Do you think God cares about your birthday? Same as me when I was 12. Yeah. Skip forward four months, four months. Out of nowhere I get this invitation to speak at a church in Houston. It's on his birthday. His birthday was on a Monday. Dawson loves to come with me. I said, hey, I got your birthday present. You're coming with me to Houston. He's excited. He's grateful. He's sweet. We get to Houston. We walk into our hotel room, gift for Dawson. The very gift he had wanted with things as happy birthday Dawson. The next day, I'm preacher of the church. Said, hey, I'm flying out tomorrow night, Monday night. My boy's birthday tomorrow is 12. Like got any ideas of what I could do in Houston? Just something fun. For his birthday, we're gonna party together. Just he and I. And Pastor says, let me take this off your hands. I'll plan it for you. Okay? Just so happens, he has a very successful businessman in his church. That businessman pays for the day I'm about to tell you. This businessman picks us up in his truck and he and his personal pilot fly us in a helicopter to his ranch. Where we get off a helicopter, like a helicopter. And a guy who works at a ranch takes us to shoot guns, which I've never done before. I'm like $4 lattes, you know, in theology books. We're shooting guns. He takes us fishing in his private lake. We get back in the helicopter to go back to Houston. And I'm talking in the little intercom, I don't know. Headset to Dawson, I looked at him and I said, hey Dawson, happy birthday. So you remember when we were talking in the U-Haul? He goes, he goes, yeah, God's good, isn't he? I said, this is my first time on a helicopter. He must really like you. And then last year, when he was 13, he preached his first sermon. And it was the biggest God is good fest I've ever heard in my life. And then he starts talking about how God wants to give his children good gifts. And he's looking at 17 or he's 13. He's looking at his teacher in our youth group, God wants to give you good gifts. God cares about you, God loves you. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I got a prosperity preacher in my house. Hold on a second. Let's have a conversation. You know, like every obstacle that you go through with them, it's your chance. Let's talk. Let's point this back on Jesus. I am not saying you won't have hard times. I know everybody in this room, the subject of parenting seems overwhelming. I just want to invite you to make disciples. Don't just be passive. Don't just be authoritarian. Take the time. Make less money. Have less influence. Spend more time. Disciple the children in your home. Amen. Amen. Be blessed. Thanks for coming.