 Haya basi, tuki grou apu lukone le time lukone mo nama ma nama helyangi at siji mo nango kuangina ma nama kuangina ma feelings siji ni ni yi don't catch weh, sawa basi kwa grau kuna se maje that is what we want to discuss this morning and we want to look at it broadly wana mo kach ma feelings well to help us discuss this i'm joined by panel of young people smile manzei, ehi ma banad ni ni ni banad, yetis let's begin from Frida intrenuza saa place I'm Frida Kenboy from Multimedia University of Kenya ya so weh kumere lax tu apu Multimedia University ya and every Saturday you can join me as I host a show called Connect on Multimedia University Radio 99.9a farm biga biga biga let's have banad yes my name is Banadupondo I'm from Siya County I already presenter I trained in Mekahi Mekahi Kilaoke I host shows Roomba I do made morning program and also do news yes okay, so jituwa zaku piga ma kofitikitika wana wana kana lewa uni kuna ma journalism reporters ma presenter ni ni ni ni, Tracy yes my name is Tracy Kikuyu I am a student at the University of Nairobi studying journalism and mass communication and I also work with value added services providers a beautiful company that deals with networking okay sowa sowa I'm loving the way it is today like manzela kuna ma reporters ma juna rusungu ni kwa engi engi we will skip Tracy let's try and say Kikuyu even Kikuyu has to come with an English you know as until Kikuyu you know all right let's begin the topic Banad let's begin with you okay it is said that both male and female they do get affected by feelings but they react differently to their feelings yes for example you can give empathy as an example you realize that the female they will empathize with someone who is suffering but male they will say ah iyo ni kido manome ni kujikaza okay manome ni kujikaza you agree kwaaza manome ni kujikaza okay the reality is that is what the society wants but in reality it's affecting the manome man the man okay manome hu liya manome actually manome at the end akijikaza he will end up kuleya because we banad yes manome hu liya it reaches a time you've heard this no no freedom of doctor but before okay it can reach a time manome ana liya inasmuch as ana jikaza he don't want to show out that actually he is suffering i want to be hard you see because it is perceived that manome kuleya you weak i want to show that i'm weak i want to try as much as possible to show that i'm strong depending on the situation yes where i i love it the room answer and i want to go you know before before we even talk to Frida interact with us tell us where the men who wanna feelings who catch my feelings like manzina nakafungia anaka kanyangia tu frida ulukoma zewna taka ulukoma chomekakuongia tell us please hand over the mic so yeah men are affected by feelings i mean we are old beings and we have those soft spots or something eh wonangi femicide like somebody asked somebody's girl or something so men i think they just react differently but they are affected by feelings so you agree with banad yeah they are reaction okongaji but me actually personally i don't like my man crying out there just being honest like why are you even crying ok ok ok ok you don't uh oh hey no as in ok frida men are created ok men are created to be these beings that are strong somehow so like when you break down what will the society like what they created amoniku jk yukakitu cause this is african guys kunae lamentende kufunzuwa you know you don't cry nae nae nae do man cry i always see even in funerals unabuwa like jikaze kimuwa naum naunajo en domuwa naum me sasa eh ukiliya mama kwa tafanya aje but ok sometimes it's okay to cry but not in public though but if you cry kwa publik publik nini spaces ok as a man in a public space you cannot express it you have to show that you are strong maybe as a man there are some responsibilities bestowed upon you that a man you have to be the source of strength to others you have to be their leader so there are some people who are weak they depend on your support so if you are the first person to cry in public like she has put it what do you think the rest will do Stacy yes I see Stacy wants to Stacy wants to come in Stacy what what is this do man by they have to hide it first of all I would like to say a man is just a man God created man and when I say man I mean both women and men these people are people who are created and they can feel things I can't say that we have emotional like sensitive people and people who are not sensitive I like to think of it this way everyone can feel things at their own different levels just that others are more expressive and others are less expressive for example if you were to tell me a really bad word right now it would be my choice to either decide to get angry or to not get angry so as for the men even if we were to say that men do not cry I prefer that you just cry because in one way or the other you will have to let that anger out I would prefer that you cry other than you shava and axe into my head right just cry we have our own our own inspection speaker psychologist and everything as we can say but Stacy you mentioned something about anger everyone goes through the same yes everyone goes through the same what about the reaction there in that comes with anger first of all I would like to say anger is a signal that something is wrong somewhere and you have to let it out women sometimes will scream others will get into their pillows and scream and cry pillow moments yeah pillow moments and others would cry if I had a man that cries as long as yes if I had a man that cries I love the if yes when if has to be there so if I had a man that cries and I mean it depends at what levels that you cry if it is something that really bans you I would like that you would tell me I would see you cry that wouldn't bother me at all but if it's all you have to go out they are wailing and wailing and okay that one has to have a problem but if I am with you it is okay to cry every once in a while besides you're just human this notion that men have that you should not cry that the lady jikazi kumanaume and do this and that I would rather that you cry than for me to spend money and time at a later time in life and take you through psychological help I believe it is not about me giving you the shoulder or someone giving me the shoulder to lean on I believe we must be the strength for each other all right not that one of them I every time I have a problem I have to come to you you are my pillar no it should be a two-way traffic but what do you think okay as she has put it actually when we get into a relationship a man and a woman we are here together for us for better relationship or whether it's a relationship or it's a family like the feelings we are talking about maybe it's a family we have father, children and ma so we have both the different genders in a family so we have to show that support such that when we realize that so and so is undergoing certain challenges we need to support him so that that problem should not torture him psychological because man mostly they keep it to themselves because I don't want to share with you but these ladies do share wherever you personally come bannad who are you sharing them to especially when you share them you don't share them okay it depends on the level of that the level, the friendship level of that them when you share them because I cannot just choose everybody meet someone in the streets and say I have this problem no you are insecure because you don't know who to say to tell yeah I don't know who to tell I don't I don't know Niki Mami she may go out newspaper in a trend all right to take my trend Frida let me ask you this do you think by any chance you feel insecure when you have a guy who apparently cries because when you go through issues yeah if you like man too much yes like how can a man be the crying baby you feel especially in public okay let's live and talk about pray with moments zila mwantumana nae date manzei anata kumbe manzei zile shuna piti and there he has tears let's live the soaps they are scripted okay man please kindly don't cry okay it's it's okay as Trace has put it once in a while it's fine you're human okay but now when it's frequent we need to talk we need to talk we need to talk like you can't be crying all the time in your man why don't we go through the same issues that you do no how you handle it is different though you know like we are women it's okay she said Trace said that issues are the same that we go through and our anger is still there but how we react to it is different it's different yeah for men and women but I think for women it's okay to cry you know we are those beings Banad Reconversation it's it's okay to cry for women but for men you know it's different especially in an african setup it's very different okay for example you can you know like something has happened you start screaming and wailing you know the same way a woman does it's different have you ever seen a man crying something on the street because I'm a bumber no one ever say no you've never seen no Banad have you okay sometimes I cannot say I've never seen of course I've seen thank you yes but now it depends what made this person to cry or to open up and do that it depends to the extent to how that thing has been torturing the person because you know they say that you cannot be mad to just live start walking out then start crying there must be something that has been tormenting you for a long time to an extent that instead of sharing with people you find yourself you become so weak vulnerable to an extent that you find yourself you cannot control your emotions and you can cry but the society african setup a man if a man cries my friend unawama unawama respond to that then we can look have a look yourself I think umama is overrated seriously the what we mean by a man being a man it has been overrated at some point people are exaggerating it so much I mean well as for me I think it takes a really really strong man to come out and say what is bothering him but it takes a very weak man to keep it with him and go to some bar somewhere and try to find the meaning of life in the bottom of a bottle of alcohol I would prefer that you talk to me I would prefer that you talk to me cry even if you have to do you know how much strength it will take a man to come out and say what is bothering him it takes a lot of courage for him to come to you and break down and cry that means something is really bothering him do you think man have an issue of as he as he put it ya do you think man have an issue of like who should I tell yes they do have an issue they do have an issue with that because you just can't go opening up to someone just like that anyone anyhow you want no there has to be limits that you have whom am I opening up to will this person understand me will they be able to you know get to feel how I'm feeling this thing ya because they're different people some people you can open up to them and they use what you have to what you tell them against you they use it against you I want to bring it to an aspect of someone from Brusea Broyo says the problem we don't cry okay niju our girlfriends discuss us kwa slip of us you know the corridor talks ita bitu kimi our girls silent us let me tell you one thing as for me any person who goes out there and let me put it as the Swahili put it ana nika mwenamewa kii injaivo that is not fit to be a woman if huyumoname has told you something in the privacy between the two of you if he wanted to tell the rest he would have waited for you to say you're going for a slip over gone there expressed himself but he did not do that why do you think he came to you and told you I want to tell you this I'm opening up to you you see it's this way and this way it's because he trusts you and for him to trust you means that he feels differently about you so somewhere we would talk here up and you go somewhere to a slip over and umwani kii vo that is so okay I only give you high five I only give you a band at Kwanzaa has that issue been like koridotox do you think man affected so much by the koridotox in terms of like ladies want to come so much in our koridotox yeah because you know as human beings even as men this is something we do have this koridotox about what we've gone through with ABCD men do have okay it's about the reality so even ladies if you share with them they will tell you sometimes we do we do share ABCD about person ABCD you see so maybe you are undergoing something and maybe you are in a certain position then you share I share with Tracy about what I'm going through then maybe by bad luck she goes and try to share with someone else you see so it will be now spreading like bushfire you see so for a man to go and share his problem with the lady there must be what we call trust trust and for trust to be there there must be some certain closeness that and it has to take time okay such that I don't if I share with her she will keep it I see a secret I want to use the Johari's window theory okay yes we have four windows so there's some information that you have personal that you don't want to leak to leak out but because you become vulnerable you want to get a solution I'll try and share with someone that I feel can help me unfortunately that person leaks that information out wow before we went manzeto in the comments see see I'd like for you that to respond to this then watching from coast mbonama de wa kiyonitunelia they associated with romance and loyalty will not cry anymore that is the know ma naumeni kuangumu what do you think like associating crying with romance and loyalty you cried you feel it's very important as much as I'm saying don't put it out there like being you cry all the time out there but you see when a man comes to me and cries and shares it's some other level of trust do apart from their mother you know a man trust for you to come to me who's not your mother and tell me other things that are bothering you like let not even say man any other human being it's not easy for me to open up to anyone for that fear of atambia so and so atambia so and so but you see when a man really opens up about something it's loyalty it is opening up is loyalty it is you know it's a sign of yani there's there's distrust you and me share yeah okay so what's up Abasi we have comments coming in of course from the you know public kwa sayo to us social media big up on yourself we want to have a look at some of the things that you are talking about let's get to have a look ask some of the question of course we get to remind you of a question for the day li kwa wanahume you know wanahusi kwa kwa kukatima feelings uh we have uh adimilo kwa adimilo kengoru wa magumu good morning the face of nyandaro kwanti magumu kinangup is well represented as usual kabeesawanze adimilo then we have Emma James as always good morning val man anyway bakari mashama sama ana yuaiote ana yuaiote manamke waake ay okay i don't know whether we respond to that but we'll be coming to that patricksa manahume haweziliya okay manahume haweziliya that's simple and clear ati amenyanganyu adim ah yeshwo wik wikresawa tundele tukuna Samuel Wood amani nasama samibu inikiwa kilisha siya accounting a woman was made from a man's ribs so naturally men feel what a woman feels it's only that we men should control our emotional feelings more ma feelings inabidi kwani okay and i know you know tacy agrees with that donatip kuto say he's from Mount Elgon kilabinadamu anahi siya so it depends with how they explode that is sami choose to be silent yet they are beta and vice versa feelings lazima tuenazo val all right those are just some of the comments that are coming in and of course we have Mugi allkalao good morning to all kanyandarwa counti wasing you know big up big up bigger mugo then we have ken ken gangstinger all right a man should always apply the slogan I don't care men in relationship issues no matter how hard okay especially if it's about trust issues I want to give you an opportunity to respond I don't care attitude should care you can't say I don't care and you should care you know yeah you should care there's nothing like I don't care in a relationship we care all right banad do you think men should have that mentality I don't care mentality they shouldn't because this is a matter of life and I want you are going into a relationship and you say you should not care no yeah you're heading nowhere and because relationships we come into we get into relationships so that maybe for future growth but if you get into relationship and you don't care then it means you're wasting your time so men should care they should okay yes I want it to give an opportunity but because of time I want us to preview more so as now we come back and probably can respond to one more okay we have Balozi Ken at least aunt Kitali manawuma inafa ukuena rohungumu kama mikonoz na jengo man so hey man usirushi yao ati manze niya sumui Anthony Onyari I don't feel like it will be secure for a man to catch up feelings they should they should draw that try to be to bear that is no matter what you can communicate emotionally by speaking up anise kwa man is one who knows that he that is Kustin Tigres okay sama sama there we have doesn't make his own woman happy so he feels jealous when he knows that she might get someone whom I do what he felt at let's come to you Tessie what's on the ground kwa ground with wawudu is not quite different that we know but if we want to speak about the issue that he said about I don't care then why are we here in the first place ya because we care if at all you're in a relationship that means you care for this person you know these are hearts people's hearts we are talking about it's not a pair of shoes these are people's hearts and I think you should be able to care it's not just a matter of I don't care because number one one thing with ladies if if a man assumes that I don't care attitude they shall complain that this man does not care for me and when he starts crying they'll say this man is too emotional and doesn't speak who should give who time each one I believe each one should have like their own time in a relationship time to express if I want to speak for myself if I have someone and they are not talking to me and they are undergoing things it would and they cannot tell me it would make me feel very bad as if there is a point I have failed because I am supposed to be these persons companion they are supposed to be letting me know on things that are affecting them and when they cannot tell me I feel that would hurt me very much okay, so now we are going to talk about we are going to talk about Hassan Ahmed however, hi I don't know what I feel what I feel is very sad because I don't know what I feel because I don't know what I feel and I don't know what I feel and I don't know what I feel and I don't know what I feel let me tell you one thing you help one another you see when this man starts keeping things to themselves Anaziweka he keeps them and they build up and after some time they become poisonous to him and once they are poisonous to him they will make him a very bitter man a man who is even very unapproachable and also in the long term it will generally affect the relationship between the two of you so I believe it is better for him to let it out that is why at some point you just hear people grew distant and you ask what's the reason just like that let's hear from Barnard ok, I just want to answer that lady that if you have a man and he doesn't share with you some information maybe whatever is going through then I want to tell you that man don't trust you yeah, that's it that's it alright then we have let's have a look at some of the come that have been coming levis muriwa wanjero insecurity is applicable to our beings in this world anafuma naume ni hei ni kuji kaza feeling atia girl child they are expert in that ok zamzam tushaso mayako api etunenda apochini then we find you know Kate Kajak manaume ni kuji kaza feeling zen kawahida kuake that's why atam toto wa kiyume huze liwa ok, kitu ya ko kitu ya kei kiyua ok, wait, wait, Kate yo tu makanyanjia story na tino kunae from fa we see you then we have Lizzie Bean ya apia haoni binadam wa kawahida yes they are ok so asawa basi I see that we are not on the same page ok kuna uu nansim janja wa keno keno kagam rangakawti na wakiresha then we have Sultan Kolo Bazi Zenga I normally feeling secure when I see my girl talking and chatting with other guys Bernard, what do you think? ok, as a man it depends on the level of one maturity secondly, it depends with you what you always do when talking to other ladies if you see someone or a man is too much and don't talk to don't chat so and so it means there's something maybe he has gone through in the past but he knows that when these things begin here it may end up because maybe has an experience we say we do what we call it the experience we go through in our past make us make a judgment in the present yeah ok I want because of time yes I want us to end up just one question each and every one of us between men and women or rather between the male and the female who are the most affected emotion in terms of how things happen let's begin with Frida ok I think we are all affected emotionally how we react is different yeah we all emotive beings we feel things yeah so emotions affect all of us it's just that women react more as if they are more open than men ok yeah all right please briefly because of time yes I want to concur with her because we are all human beings we have emotions but the way she will react will be different with how I will do because of the society in quotes all right let's come to you I think if I were to speak I would say that it depends with an individual we are all human beings with hearts and feelings like I said before I do not think that there exists people I cannot say that too emotional I would just say that exists people who are more expressive than others but we all feel things maybe at the same level just that others find it easier to express and others find it easier to just compress within them I don't believe in that with jikaza and talk to me don't jikaza and then you go somewhere out of corner in a bar and then you just drown all your feelings in a bottle of I don't know McMohan or any of those drinks wait please which best advice a young man who is going through issues to address his own issues it depends to their partners or just the people around them I would just say if you're a young man and you're going through issues don't sit there trust me it is easier for you to speak up than for you to run mad with depression it is easier for you and it is easier and it is cheaper for you to just come out and say it and then you walk people will say that you are lesser of a person it won't make you lesser of a person but that is what people will say I believe just speaking up is easier than for us having to go through depression and you having to go through drugs okay banad manome ni kujikaza is it a form of kufichi uchungu something okay as it is said it's a form of but as an advice to people be yourself be yourself don't tend to be so and so because nani kujikaza yeah because at the end of it you will get affected and the end results will be more worse than even the effect of after sharing it yeah so open up as much as it may be leaked out okay let's have freedom then we go all the way to the comments yeah manome ni kujikaza that thing okay I'm not saying don't open up okay depression is real people are committing suicide out here because they can't talk to I'm just saying open up but depression is affecting both yeah it's affecting both but you see women we easily open up than men we can cry we can do things then who are more vulnerable we are all vulnerable I think yeah because okay as Tracy said it depends on the level of how I express things you feel I can be a woman but I know how to suppress feelings somehow it's not always like women I always express if there are women who suppress yeah but I'll just say find the proper channels to talk to to put out what you're feeling yeah all right let's have a look at some of the comments that are coming in we have non-sim judge our channel manome ni kujikaza it's a phrase that is really taking preeminence in the discussion and then we have you know Newton Mandell let's be realistic guys kujikaza ata oki okay oki bebofa la okay sawa they are unallowed if they don't if they don't do so they will continue dying at early age all right that is roba kambresh manemen then we have kijikoya jela manome ni kujikaza kisabuni kajia do locked kama kawahida bega bega kijikoya jela sawa sawa makarabati gui jena sama nyama kema tuned in fiti fiti then we have young sela feelings has it ambui gender which has been the main thing and of discussion sinjo so i don't know whether we have still more then we can have a look at them as as they are working on it guys she she mentioned about vulnerability who is more vulnerable i won't banner to respond to this who is more vulnerable all of us we are vulnerable but who is more vulnerable okay with that to open up and say the truth women we are more vulnerable women we are yeah okay because at the end of it the action i will take after all this keeping to myself will either destroy me or destroy someone else other the female they tend to share with friends so through sharing they may get half solution to to it they should realize at so and so is also having the same pro problem so i'm not alone i'm not alone okay it depends on the problem women we are going through many problems insecurities financials can be able which is happening to everyone yes and we have seen we have seen nowadays people commit suicide because they've been trying to kujikaza no na kujikaza kama ma na have you ever heard about a woman am a particular mejinyonga kwa nyumba it is rare but what about men in the effect of kujikaza kama ma na you end up you squeeze yourself to the wall to a point that you cannot the only solution is take your life wow before we even come to to to tacy let's have a look at more comments you know spiti in one data na sama manome ata kusaje ma feelings na ata e ni bin adam na mtuku ilo spiti in hapun kabisa zileza kingstone kukauka nina anga ala ei sama kera nja na sama ata kiyambo manome niku jikaza ok then we have Emma James as always where is benjamin zero ok haku manage leo but next name lazima we have adi milo kingori wa magumu good morning the face of nyandera county magumu kinangop is well represented as usual alright guys it has been such an amazing moment even to have the open forum and discussion with you guys but i want to give it on everyone of you just 30 seconds parting shots let me just say i would use the words of a very wise man who i i i love very much he writes books is okay his time is long over due and he is gone his name is Pablo Neruda i don't know if you know him he once spoke and said we cannot serve ourselves from death but at least let let love serve us from life life comes with a lot of struggles and a lot of things that you have to deal with in as much as it it is it it turns out different for everyone but in one way or the other you have to struggle with something let us find love someone whom we can share this life with as he said we cannot serve ourselves from death when death is here it's here but let us let love serve us from life amazing that's our banner okay what i would like to say is that we should be ourselves have your own values have your own goals set your limits and when making a decision maybe to get into a relationship don't go for the physical appearance go for the character talk about in your parting shot or rather let me just give you the opportunity just in your parting shot talk about man and the issue of feelings okay i'll just say man it's okay to open up always find channels you can talk to okay channel your expressions don't don't keep them within you they ruin you and then i'll also say that when dealing with people always prioritize yourself there's nothing there's nothing somebody else can do to you as much as you can do for yourself all right many thanks so very much nufrida bana and tacey for making time and being here well guys manzai i hope that you enjoyed has been a nice moment sitting in for val but you know what we've got some good surprise for you you know where val is well a kwa shou she's coming up