 The narcissist has to win. The narcissist has to be successful or victorious in a contest or conflict. They have to acquire or secure something to feel like they have won. The narcissist believes that for them to win, someone has to lose. The idea of winning isn't about achieving greatness. It's about superiority. It's about dominating the people around them. They have a dualistic mentality. They see things in black or white where something is either all good or all bad, right or wrong, all or nothing. The narcissist has to develop their own ideas of what winning looks like based on what they have seen and experienced in their lives. They believe that a winner is someone who makes the rules and ensures that people comply with them. An authority figure, someone who has influence and control over other people. They believe that a winner is also someone who is an exception to the rules. Someone who can do whatever they want. They believe that a winner is someone who directs people's behaviour at the cause of events. They believe that a winner is someone who is wealthy, accomplished, popular, intelligent, strong and beautiful. This is what they have learned from their childhood of what a winner is. They see it as though if they don't have those qualities or abilities right now, one day they will. The narcissist believes that if they can intimidate you, they have won. They believe that if they can have a frightening and threatening effect on you, they are the winners. They have to get you to do what they want by making you feel injury or harm. They have to make you feel frightened or nervous. They have to cause a loss of courage or self-confidence within you to then make them feel as though they have conquered you. They have learned this behaviour at some point in their lives where someone had intimidated them. It traumatized them and left mental scars. And from that point on, they decided that they would rather be on the other side of that, where they are the ones intimidating you. The narcissist believes that being stubborn can help them to win by having a determination to not change their attitude or position on something, despite good arguments or reasons to do so. They learned this way of thinking and behaving from a young age where everything is either winning or losing. Good or bad, right or wrong. And they realized that they have to beat people at this game. They have underdeveloped minds, which also results from unhealed childhood traumas. The narcissist sees everything in black or white. They don't see the gray areas. They don't realize that some things can be different or in between. Everything is either right or wrong. Good or bad. So in their minds, they have to do whatever it takes to win. They have to conquer you. And that is why they are so quick to express adverse or disapproving comments or judgements about people. That is why they are so quick to treat people as unworthy of serious consideration. That is why they have to break you down with that anger, until you gradually lose your energy and confidence. When they argue or disagree with you, it's not about giving reasons or citing evidence. It's a port of an idea-actional theory. It's about winning. And that is why they refuse to admit when they've done something wrong. In their minds, that means they have lost. They cannot be intimately vulnerable with you. Because that means they have lost. And you can see that they think this way. By how they treat you. When you make a fault or mistake. When you try to be vulnerable, they blame and shame you. Because in their minds, it means that you are beneath them. It means that they have won. The narcissist has to win. It may feel like they are winning, but because of their obsession with winning. They don't have emotional connections. They are not empathetic or compassionate. They keep up a wall to protect themselves. Which leaves them stuck in this underdeveloped way of thinking and behaving. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.