 That's what I like to say. Getting an achievement for just starting the game. Hey there friends, how's it going? My name is Kevin and today we're playing Esports Tycoon where I'm going to make my own little esports team and we're going to rule the esport world. Is that guy in the middle is getting pissed at me? We're going to move on. All these people wear sunglasses indoors. Uh, they're mine. So I played a game that's like a spin-off of this one or vice versa. I'm not sure where I did like an esports game where you become the gamer and whatnot but this is managing your team. This is a different game just to be clear. I've not run out of ideas but I'm getting awfully close. Already off to a fantastic start with my guy. I think he's looking really nice. I don't think I'd like to go to a comedy film with this guy. I feel like anytime there's something slightly funny that gives you a little bit of a, I think it would sound like a jet engine. Everyone would evacuate the theater. Everyone on a t-shirt with a monster on it but he looks way more terrifying. Camo might be a good shout. I think it's best if no one sees you. I was going to give him sunglasses but his whole face does a good job of hiding his eyes as is. I don't think he needs them. Oh my god. Why are you gathering here? Missing Link Discovered. They're just taking pictures of him. Former esports player. Fuck and kill me. This starts a new career as a manager and we have to start in the bronze league? Why is there a news conference about this? This is definitely about my appearance and not about my achievements and my team is weird hostages. Help us. Christ, I get to design a logo and everything. I want flames. Flames are cool. Well boys, I got our logo. It was the cheapest possible one I could find on Fiverr. It's like all the same color. It's awful. Oh, they have Ireland. That's kind of cute. Oh, and this is the team, huh? What is with that cultural appropriation? Get that off. You're going to ruin our reputation. Shave his head now. There you go. In fact, since one of you did it, all of you are getting shaved. We can't take any risks. We're just getting on this ladder and if we mess up now, it could be over for us. Crogneck looking fecker. All right, I renamed them all. We got names such as Fuck, Fuck, Shit, Shit, Asshole, Asshole, Dickhead, Dickhead and Joe. All right, and I gave them all little makeovers. They look like the worst supervillains of all time except for Joe here. They look cool. Honestly, I don't even want the eSports. I just want this to be a makeover simulator. I think it's really fun. God, I could use it myself. I look like a mess. What kind of setup is this? Who is funding this? They must be wealthy to afford all that plastic surgery. I just shelled out on, I guess. The hell is this face? Low stamina? Why are you making that face? I'm just working on our team chemistry over and over again. I'm not even practicing the game. We're not even going to boot up the game. We're just bonding. I don't care if you're in a bad mood. Keep bonding. No, you're not allowed to lie down. You're going to stand there and bond until the match starts. I think they're getting pissy at each other, but never mind. It's time for the match. They're all pissed. Look at your tryhard names. Actually, I don't even know if they're tryhard names. I think you just mashed the keyboard. At least ours are words, even if they're all offensive. We lost our very first game. We're in bronze. We paid massive money for this setup and all this plastic surgery and we lost. I'm just going to leave them rest. If they're well rested, I think they're just going to win. They don't need to play the game. They don't need to work on chemistry or looking into the other team. They just need rest. Just chill out, guys. Have a few Bruce keys. I mean, we are playing e-sports after all and for sports, you need rest. Everything is red. It's like, please build high. Please scout. Stop just resting. They're done. They're done. All right, next match. Let's go. Look, they're better than their counterparts. Shit, he's better than pizza and shithead is definitely better than government. We lost. It doesn't matter if we're better. We didn't even practice. Feckin' Joe is letting us down. He's not even trying to fit in with the team. Can we get rid of him? Can we fire Joe? Oops, it seems that two players are not getting along after the match and one of them is angry. Who are they? Oh my god, what are you doing? You're gamers. Come on, don't fight. It'll be embarrassing. Click one of them and get them to your office. I have an office? Oh, you mean just a desk over next to the couch? Hello, feckin' kill me. I don't like to be a rat, but scumbag, instead of practicing, spends his time in front of the computer watching videos. Can you watch mine, please? Okay, so what do I want to do? Hit a punching bag, talk to him, get a pizza, send to the gym, send to the psychologist. Yes, send it to the psychologist. Feck, I need to hire one first. Get him a hundred dollar pizza. Jesus Christ, better be a good pizza. I hope it has money as a topping because we need some kind of return here. What the hell? Like, asshole, asshole. And Joe Swanson are from Ireland. And then this person's country is European Union. Shit, shit. I got a level with you. You look like an alien and you're being very vague where you're from. Right, guys, let's just spend a lot of time hyping the match. Hey everyone, we're a new eSports team. We're really trying our best out there. We've just made it to bronze. It's all about the fans, you know. An unknown person got inside the house. What the hell? Hello, I'm a league of heroes, heroes. What? I've been sent by the community to evaluate whether you're worthy of the league or whether I should make you disappear. Are you a hit man? Make yourself at home. Just don't fucking practice the game. You don't need to be good at games. I've proven that. All you need to do is keep making videos. Eventually people will watch them. All right, here we go. Play the match. Oh my God, you lost again. Please. For the fans, guys. They're just hyping up the fans and they don't even know how to play. They're bumping into each other at spawn. They don't know the controls. We got a bit of money from the hype we generated though. Let's just keep generating hype. Who cares if we win or lose? The fans know it's not about winning or losing. It's about taking part. I don't know why you all need to do this at once. This guy's not even in the shot. Fuck. It got back to the couch. If you all rotated this, you could be hyping the match day and night. Okay, we've even more hype built for this. We should make tons of money. Maybe we can actually hire a psychologist. I have a feeling you're all going to need it because all you do is sit in front of a camera all day and that's definitely got to damage you to some extent. Another loss, boys, but it's all about taking part. I mean, if you think about it, we enable other people to be successful. That's kind of nice. That'd be a good team leader with my pep talks. Yes, money. Who is paying us? These are definitely rigged. This is the money we're getting. That's a kickback for all the fixing we're doing. All right, guys, as team leader of the plan, we're actually going to boot up the game and see what it's all about. We still lost. I think we're just hopeless. We're all boomers. We don't understand video games. Oh my God, it's gone to easy match. Oh, come on, please, so we can actually win this. A walk in the park. It's saying, all right, build hype for the fans. They might actually get to see us win something. Oh my God, these people are going to be fucking devastated. Look, they've already invested in the matching jerseys and we're literal journeymen. We're only there to boost people's records and we're probably going to beat them this time. We won. Go on, scumbag MVP. I don't know what I'm doing with these skill points, so I'm just putting up their attack. Like, I don't even understand. What do you mean? You're putting up their attack. All right, we got another walk in the park, boys. Let's just build hype for this. The fans deserve to see a win. I don't know what my guy even does. Does he just every known again shout up at them and rest? Or what is his contribution here? The only things he has done is said, here's $100 for a pizza and he let a stranger into the house for two days for no reason. Okay, I think this one I actually get to play instead of just simulating the victory. So this is where my guy comes in. I have no idea about this game, guys. I'm here as a manager role. I don't understand the game, otherwise I'd be playing. What is happening? What do I do? I don't understand. Guys, you don't get it. I'm a boomer. How is this different than a simulation? All I do is have to watch every animation as opposed to it just telling me how it ends. Just fucking go for the kill. Come on. Get angry. Push, push. I literally have no idea what's going on. I imagine this is what my parents felt like when I was trying to show them video games. It makes zero sense to me. I think we've won. I don't know how. I don't know what's going on. We're going to move to a new apartment for the season. This team deserves better. We won two out of like our eight games. I don't know if we should jump to that. You know what? Whatever is fine. We get a sponsor as if. As if Swipe Basketball would promote us. Like, this sponsorship thing is ridiculous. Like, what are they going to say? Oh, Swipe Basketball 2, the best game ever endorsed by shithead and fuck. They're just going to think the narrator is Tourette's or something. Wait, we're paying these people? Why? They're useless. If we're paying people, get some good people. Welcome to the presentation of weird hostages. Help us. Look at them standing behind like the fucking dictator of North Korea. They're blinking and they're like, help us. Morse code. Why are we buying them fucking race car things to be playing with on the ground? Like, you got some hot wheels shit in there? They don't deserve hot wheels. At best, they deserve knock-offs hot wheels. Oh, great. Now I have to manage everything, including sporting and financial, or the owners will take action against your management. At least I have my own office now, so I can be out of the way when I pretend to know what I'm doing. I'm the CEO of Team JJA. I read you were joining a team, and I just wanted to welcome you to the li- We'll see. The relationship has gotten worse. Gonna send that hitman to their house next. How do I hire people? I want to hire people. I want to spend all this sponsorship money. The first rule of running a business, I ran a business, I would know, is to spend all of your money so you have to pay lower taxes. Employees. I want an employee. Can I have a psychologist, please? I don't need a coach. I'm the coach. Let's see. How's the team doing? Where's Joe? Look what I'm in. It's a fucking shirt. You think you're better than us, Joe? Just because you know how to use buttons? All my shirts use Velcro. Get rid of them. Don't even sell them. Sack them. He doesn't deserve another chance. Oh, wait. I don't have any other players. A player wants to meet with you. Hello? Fucking kill me. I want to ask for something. I want a TV in my room. I need to relax at night. Fucking Joe is so demanding. I'm actively trying to get rid of you, but you won't leave. I'm not buying you a TV. Joe is pissed. Look how angry he is because he's now getting a TV in his room. He's on fire. Can we just leave him burn? I've been trying to fire him for ages. He's so angry. He might be a bit tilted. Don't worry. We still won, even though Joe did an abysmal performance. I think he just didn't play. He didn't get any kills and he didn't die either. He just sat at spawn AFK and then he levels up for doing nothing. Fucking Joe. Everyone hates him. I like how it says your team next to me as if I could forget the name. We are hostages. Help us. We are hostages. Help us. Players were caught partying late at night. They seem to have had a day off and clearly made the most of it. I mean, they won the match. Aren't they allowed like actually have a life as well? Wait, no, actually that's a weak mindset. Keep gaming. And especially these days. Who was partying? We're quarantined. Your player's neck is affected by a cervical spondylosis and should spend seven days away from computers? What the hell is a cervical spondylosis? And who is on fire again? It's a general term for age-related wear and tear affecting the spinal discs in your neck. You're 19. All right. Get back in that seat and start playing video games. You must look for a sub right now. No, he's playing. He's faking it. Oh wait, there's free agents? Oh, I wanted to get the highest rated player in Afghanistan just so I could say I have the highest rated player of some country but there's no one in Afghanistan playing this game. I just realized that I spent a load of money finding out their potential when he didn't even want to be on my team anyway. I didn't realize what this was. Literally no one wants to be on my team. Like, do people not like money? Because I'm willing to just pay you whatever. Okay, this person is 65 and they'll join my team. Wait, they'll get back to me? What? No, I need someone now. Oh Christ almighty. All right, Joe's on fire. Fuck, fuck is injured and the other person isn't getting back to me. Interviews for a sponsor event. Oh yeah, go for it. Sure, why not? The place is falling apart anyway. It doesn't matter. Who are you? Look, just come on in. I don't care. Kill us all. Good morning. I am a police officer. You've been accused of conducting suspicious activities. We've been told there are young people here locked up all day long when I permission to leave. Is this true? My guy is like nodding. Yes. I mean, we've been up front with it. The team name is literally We Are Hostages Help Us. I taught them Morse code myself. I'm just gonna say yes, they've all been kidnapped. The officer talked to the players and they've explained their esports team. Nevertheless, you got a $2,000 fine for disrespecting authority. This ridiculous fine went viral on social networks and you got 5,000 new followers. I know what I'm doing. I like how the police officer wasn't concerned at all with the fact that Joe was literally on fire. There's someone else at the door. Oh, yes. The negotiations. Yes, yes. I forgot about you. Player demands. Oh my God. A bio clause. You're not on a team, are you? I don't think I have that much money. You know what? Yeah, go send him the offer. I gave him everything he wanted and he's still like, okay, I'm considering your offer. Well, there you go. Join the team. I think we've just spent all our money on you. I'm delighted to have side with We Are Hostages Help Us. All right. Joe plays bot support, but we're still gonna get rid of him and put in this guy. He just tanked in skill level. All right. Let's put you up where you should be and we'll put the injured player down here because they're useless anyway. We're gonna make you the captain even though you're a new player and you don't even know the names of the other people. Speaking of names, you're gonna have to swap that around. We don't take normal names here. I mean, look what happened to Joe. Just look off in the corner. He's on fire. I can't edit his stuff. God damn it. I wish the game would help me out here like it just is filtered by role, but it just has these symbols which no one is gonna know. It doesn't have the text, so I don't know what I'm looking for. Okay. We virtually did no training, but we have this guy who's really good, so he's gonna carry us through even if shit has been medically advised not to play and they're in agony. Shit. He went zero in 13. The guy against him got MVP. I wonder why. Shit, you're being replaced. If you wanted to get injured, you should have told us beforehand. Very irresponsible. You're off the team. That's it. I'm gonna replace everyone. Can I get rid of everyone? All right. Go to negotiation. Just give him exactly what he wants. All right. All my players are here. The team are just like, who are all these people? Oh, no one. They're not players. They're the firefighters to help Joe. You know, he's been on fire for a few days now. All right. Now get rid of everyone. Yeah, there you go. You're all being replaced. They're not even that much better really. All right. They were halfway through preparing for this match and I just replaced all of them. Look at this easy match. This is the highest barrel I've seen. We've got this one in the bag we lost. What the shit? Shit's over in the corner. Like someone call me. All right. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I just re-rostered the entire team halfway through training. Oh dear. This is our balance sheet. We're spending a lot more than we make, but I just can't figure out where we've gone wrong. Because once in, you're gone. You can only offer players to teams whose relationship with yours is good or excellent. I probably shouldn't have sent out those emails saying we'll see. All right. Just sack them all then. I'll have to pay compensation. Joe, feck off. Look at this. No one even died. Okay. This is my team. We're doing fantastic for once. The rest of you can feck off. Sorry about the whole shaving your heads thing and that plastic surgery and all that. I just assumed you knew this was like a temporary gig. Honestly, I was kind of joking when I suggested it. You just went and did it. Wait, what the hell is this? I'm going to hate mail. I hate your team. I'm sorry. You're losers. I lost so many followers. Will you win the tournament? I don't think so. I'm getting abuse of emails from my former players. Well, you want to bench me? We'll see who gets the started job. Goodbye. Start sacking people. I'm not taking this abuse. Even if it is just emails, you're gone. Send abuse of emails to someone else. Okay. We have an issue. One of my rooms is like on fire over there and I have no money to fix it. I spent all my money firing my old players. Okay. Now one of my other rooms is also on fire. The camera is sparking. Okay. This is clearly gone downhill. I don't think I can save this. Look, I'm a professional gamer. That is a fact. I'm not an accountant. That is also a fact. It's not my fault. I just spent way more money than we had. Great. Another unknown person got in the house. Someone's mom is trying to see them. No, get out. Your players started a hunger strike as a protest for their mom's food refusal. The media attention got you 1,000 new followers. An esports gaming team has started a hunger strike and this gains me followers. Okay. How is the pinboard sparking? What is going on? This house is haunted. It's fucking Joe, isn't it? Okay. Looking at the weekly recap. Combined with the fact that pinboard is literally on fire somehow, it might be a good time to end. And that's convenient because I got a message from our owner and he's shutting us down, folks. He went over 100 grand in debt. Resin your contract due to your poor economic management. I mean, I don't think you needed to specify any area. It could have just said poor management in general. Thank you for your work on the team during this time. All right, fine. But I'm taking the jerseys. My mom made those. All right. Well, that's the end of We Are Hostages Help Us. I hope you enjoyed our journey. It's been a while and you know it's always been about the fans. All right, but I hope you enjoyed the video. If you've got any game suggestions, do let me know. I've been looking for some recently and it gets a bit tough to come up with daily stuff, but I hope you enjoyed this video. I definitely enjoyed playing it. It was a fun game. I hope to see you next time. I appreciate you watching as always, folks. Bye for now.