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We have of course got tremendous comedians. Sam Avery with us. Sam, how are you? I'm all right, but I like the concept of being like the Big Sam of podcasts, where the podcast is ailing, then you just pull me in for a couple of episodes and... To rescue it. To bring the ad revenue back. Fair play. Not if this is ailing and not that I'm capable of doing that either. You've got six to eight podcasts to save the podcast. Never knowingly failed a podcast. But do you like to bring in as your version of Sam Avery? Oh my God. It has to be someone who's got full beans and driven down to me. I like to stand there looking pensive. Would there be someone like related to you because I've noticed people are often bringing in family members these days to help out? They've got a big gig. I always forget his name, they go off the chase. Bradley Walsham. Get a son on everything. He's got them on the gladiators. And then the weirdest thing happened the other week. I was watching Casualty. And Bradley Walsham and Stomeron was in it. No, he's been in it for ages. Yeah, and I was like, but you know, you watch one programme and you see me, you see him standing next to his dad. So you're like, well, that's his son. You see him next to Stomeron with like Arthur Legg and it was like the Superman taking the glasses off effect. It was like, well. Does he cut that what he was doing? What? Cutting someone's leg? Yeah. I mean, as an actor cutting someone's leg, he did an order. Is he believable? Well, I mean, I don't know because I haven't stood next to any real people cutting anyone's leg open. So that would have to be. I mean, acting's great. No, when you go on, I'm acting to, you know, you know, like swatching. He goes, like, what an amazing job he did. Like saving the wealth from those robots taking over in Terminator 2. I've not seen that in real life. So I don't know if I can compare it. So it'd be the same with like an operation. You can go, oh, yeah, look, I'm just massaging the heart and all that. I've never seen that in real life. That could be bollocks. What a bollocks. Yeah, but if you believe it at the time, then he's done a decent job. So fair play. So you must be in all that. Casualty and the bill are two shows that I think most of us would be on, whether they're aware of it or not, because like everyone's being on. I think the bill, you just have to turn and they just let you go. It just seemed to be like it was a great little, you know, melting pot for everyone to just get a little bit of a, get a cutie card and all of that. Yeah, well, your version, that's Sam, and I think this will be coming soon. You'll be on like, you'll be on the weakest link soon, you know, or you'll be on point. Oh, I hope so. Oh, absolutely. Felly, bucket list that. Oh, absolutely. When I started to accommodate it, it was like one day, I want to be number six on the weakest link. Now on the weakest link, I had to get you to introduce yourself, and some people find it very, very difficult just to introduce yourself. How would you introduce yourself, Sam, to the weakest link? Say, my name's Sam, and it's been a childhood dream to be here, so whatever happens to me, I can put in in it. Absh, smashed it. Good week. Good week, man. Good introduction, with no preparation, that was good. Some people find it really difficult just to introduce themselves. They go, I am Peter, and... The fair play. That happens. Pressure gets to them. The pressure gets to them. Did you say there ain't no pressure? Like a weakest link? The weakest link. Intro pressure. There you go. Listen, that is up there. That is up there. Can you tell, Evan, having played this? You can tell, but I'll smile. My God. Well, Evan didn't... We'll come back to football. Evan didn't play, but you did run a half, Marathon. Yeah. You've turned up brighter than freshers of the easy. Path of course. You just... You look... I asked you were you stiff, you said no, and that's all good. So how did you find it? Well, I was going to say, my biggest issue this weekend has been getting my new contact lenses in, because I've just become a... I've just adopted the contact lens. And that's been, like... How does it feel? Is it... The fine went in, but... Yeah. My right eye is sad, and it goes straight in. That's the eye I control, but left eye I've got no control of. No, like, the blink. No one you blink. The eye I control... Can you blink with two eyes? I can't do that. I can't blink with my left eye. You can't wink with your left eye. No, I've got no control of my left eye. Oh, right, right. Do we know why? I'm just asking you. Oh, it's all right. I'm going, who am I, Christie Brown? It's all right, innit, when it's... It's left up to my kids there. When the colour blind jokes in the room, innit? Right. When the colour blind jokes in the room. Sam, have you got control of both of your eyes? I've got control of both of my eyebrows. Sorry, my eyes, but my eyebrows, that's a different thing. I can... Cos when the rock was doing his people's eyebrow, I couldn't... I can't have the other side. I mean, that would come in at once. And I couldn't... Cos I'm a big glasses wearer. Just worn glasses for years. And he said, don't come and strike contact lenses out. But you don't like to leave the opticians till you've put them in and take them out on your tea times. And I sat in this room for about an hour and a half. And I struggled to get them in. I flicked them in and couldn't get them out. And at one point, the woman trying to help me, she said, your eyes are shut, mate. Your eyes are shut, and I'm trying to bend my finger on my eyelid. I was like, I know, but I'm just... It is a daunting experience, isn't it? I mean, I experienced this last week. It is daunting. You go in. And my missus went a couple of weeks ago to his, and he made a do this on the shop floor, by the way. Cos it was a small shop. But luckily, the one I went to, it was on upstairs. But it's a pressure because you're like... Your eye suddenly is like popping out your head, like running stimpy. Remember that one? And you're trying all different ways. But you put your hand over, and then you get wrong finger. And you're like contortionist. It's one of those skills that I believe you could do better when you were drunk. And you can literally do anything. You can just mass there. And it was just so difficult. 10,000 hours you'll be fine. So I just watched a couple of YouTube videos, went back the following week. And I did it quite quickly, but I am struggling a little bit. Cos I can stop myself on my right eye from blinking, but I can't stop myself on my left eye. I've just got no control on my left eye. So it's been a new experience, but it's good for me. Did you have to go in and did you do that puffs of air in your eye? Oh, that's just... Well, that's just the eye. Doesn't it, but I hate that? I can't. I think I'm not going to jump, and then he do it. And I'm like, right out my seat. I'm like, stop it. It's a little bit of it, and you're waiting for it to tension. Like that fella, you know, you see the meme of the one who's changed it in his head. Don't blink. And then it comes again, flicking. Then there's balloons down a bleed highway. You know, all sorts of tests. And the one where you have to do your peripheral vision, so you're at your head wrestling, and lights up, flash up, and then after a bit, you think, I'm going to start one. My angle, dude, that was that one. Horom. Yeah. No, it was good. There are a lot of them. Cos all these thoughts about the human brain now, and I think the sort of waiting for something bad to happen is wasting the actual thing that happens. We all knew that through following everything. Yeah, absolutely. It's the waiting and you're down. The waiting. Like when you're waiting for that gust of air, the gust of air, it's not, and it's like breathing on you. When you're waiting, and then you're tensing, and then it just comes bigger than what it actually is. Yeah, horrible. You used to have built this up, horrible. Then I've had this conversation before. I'd gone for an eye test. I'd be shitting myself. It doesn't hurt. No, no. It's just horrible cos you're thinking, there's a pop of air in me eye now. And you're trying to keep your eyes open. Some of the things you have on your eye test, you're thinking, what the hell are you looking for here? It's like, it's like... I had a photo, so it's gone up in my head. Well, I've gone up because my mum had flown home. So I have to grab one every two years. And I, in fact, have just grabbed one. I didn't, it was fine. But the, no, I just fancy having contact lenses. Cos I do, I have struggled with anyone who's going into the studio. I don't know, I have struggled with like looking at some of the graphics and stuff. So I just wanted to get some. And when I'm playing like, when I'm playing computer games as well, it's like the, it's just weird. Not clear. It's not a, it's things that obviously are in the difference because the distance, because they're in the same place on your telly. But yeah, they get a little bit of fulge on it. You're like, back in 3D now. Is everything clear for you? I think so. But you know when you think... I think so. No, but you know when you're like, was there ever really an issue? Cos what's that? I don't know. Are these just clear bits? Yeah, I'm like... Is this just a placebo? Are they actually having me off? Have these given me just like, I don't know, jelly babies? Yeah, that's it. If you don't really notice that, if you don't practice with the benefit, I was really, really bad. I had poor sighting to like, when they got glasses and I was driving up and down. Driving up and down the country, I just started doing stand-up, I was driving everywhere. And it was going off. I was, I was, remember the AA road, the root planet? I had typing that was going on and then a print off all the sheets. And I was driving, looking to try and look at the sheets. And it was just, and with terrible eyesight. So when I finally got glasses, and I didn't realise it was a bed sheet, I put my glasses on. I looked in the mirror for a face down and I just thought, oh my God, I've aged sadly. Cos I hadn't seen myself in focus for about 15 years. And I was like... He's gone! He's gone! That one told me... So that was, yeah, so that was what I was wanting. That was, yeah, that was my biggest thing. And then the marathon, the half marathon, sorry. It was all right. The only thing I was worried about was like, it wasn't even like the running, it was the more like, the getting up was always going to be an issue. Yeah, of course it was. Cos it started at nine, but I think I was awake for, I think I was awake at quarter six. Yeah. You will start anticipating. And also I was just a bit worried about like the bathroom trip situation. You don't want to get into that situation where you're halfway through and you suddenly need, you know, the call of nature and not... All that effect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was, and that was playing on my mind, but it was all right. And I was struck by my mind off the running then. Got through it and then straight over to John Lewis. And... Fy boi. Redecoration. Fair play. And yeah, and yeah, it was all right. It was all right. It was, it was, Sam's just got that. He's just got that. Yeah. Yeah, it was all right. It was done again. Two hours, 13 minutes. So it wasn't bad at all. It wasn't bad. And the worst thing was again, the sun came out. I was casing the sun, running down the prom and the sun came out. I was like, what are you doing? Lovely. You're prick. Yeah, it was bossing 7,000 people there. And brilliant events. I've seen loads of people, loads of people cheering me. Shout out to you. No bad. I don't think they were, really. To me, they were. That was good. I'll get the officials these days, can you? That's it, yeah. It's mad to the officials. I was just on the start line. That was good. I did a half-marathon about 20 years ago. And I was, I was obviously alone. When you were 7? I was, when I was 7 years old. And they said I was the youngest person to ever come into half-marathon. But I went to Ibiza the week before. On like a mad in your 20s Ibiza holiday with all that you would expect that to contain. Yeah, full of track and strings. This is the beauty of being in your 20s. It didn't change. Had a skim full of ale that night before. No. Sunday morning, the starting point was back to Sefton Park. So I jumped, I lived in town, I was a student. I jumped in a cab, got down to Sefton Park. Got out of the wrong bit of Sefton Park. Someone said, oh no, it's the other side. So I sprinted through the park just to get to the start line. As you do. I still did all right at the end. Cos it's just a different world, innit? In your 20s, it's like a different country. That's a, yeah. That jog just across Sefton Park would kill most people now, never mind. It wants to get to a certain age. But now it's good. Great events and loads of people, as I said, loads of people in town. And again, being in town on St Patrick's Day, by the way, is just a very unique experience. Very, very unique experience. Probably like being in Dublin on St George's Day, I imagine. No, I wouldn't, I wouldn't. I don't think he's quite celebrate. No, again, one of the mysteries of the world. I don't think it's a mystery. Alcohol in it, it's just alcohol in it. It's fair play, too, though. Fair play. All right, well let's quickly touch on football and then we can get away from it again. Obviously, Everton didn't play this weekend, which is why we are full of the joys, light-heartedness, but Sam, there was two very big games at the weekend and I would suggest that both went Everton's way. He, you know, barely beat Brentford and even though barely are second bottom, I can't see them winning much more than two other games this season and giving Brentford a very close to Everton. I would suggest that if any team was going to win, that was the one that we didn't mind happening. Nick, you're great. I think barely, Shepard United, just have looked so under people to be put and they still, even with that win, barely is still so far behind. So actually drag Brentford back into it, felt really good and just whenever I'm playing, we used to talk loads about it's horrible how Everton's form over the past certainly three years means that you're constantly looking at other team's results, not out of curiosity, but out of necessity, which is horrible. But when we were playing, I was just watching that game, I was thinking, well, if barely lose, that kind of cements them down at the bottom, but if I did actually want barely to beat Brentford, because it's funny in it, you look at the table and I look at the table a lot at the moment as we all do, but all of a sudden, Brentford have just been sucked right into it, I don't think really really stuck down into it and that defeat was a terrible result for them. The couple of games that we've had recently where we probably should have got more points than we did for each game, like the West Ham game, the Bright game, had just a couple of points swing in our favour, those two games, we'd beat up both Brentford now and we'd be looking down Brentford, down on North Forest. So that was a really, really good result. It's also just the momentum that the Brentford have got, which is it's all going the wrong direction for that, isn't it? And as we've seen, teams just kind of can just start going down into the quicksand at the bottom of the league. So as much as we're kind of, you know, we haven't put a run of results together, and we haven't won in about as well on games, I think it is. At least for a few draws in there, I suppose if you're trying to plug it like positives, at least it's been collecting the odd points here and there, and as Brentford just seems to be in 3-4. Heard, I mean, their next game is three weeks' time against Manchester United at home, so we'll see how they go, but I mean, if Eddarton, and we've said it all season, without the six points, the ducks in Brentford would be in massive trouble. They're a point ahead of Eddarton, Eddarton have got a game in hand, albeit it's the derby, so there you go. They're one of only three teams, along with Eddarton and Luton, who have no wins in the last five games, and they've lost four of the five Brentford, and Ivan Tony coming back, it gave them a bump immediately, which got them six points, beating, I think it was forrest their own women, and it rolls, but since then, they've dropped right off and again at the weekend, even though I've got to say, why was Reggie on centre off? I thought that had gone, that it's a penalty, it's not a red card, nine minutes into a Premier League game, it's a ball over the top. It's a penalty, I mean, how the referee and Lansham didn't give the penalty in the first place is bizarre to say the least, very much like the penalty ever, and got the other week against Westam, which was the most blatant penalty I've ever seen, but he gave the penalty and sent Reggie on off, and I thought that was incredibly harsh to send him off. Yeah, there's supposed to be no double jeopardy, isn't there, or no double jeopardy, whichever way you look at it. No, no, strange one, strange one, if you're making an attempt, it's supposed to get the better foot of the doubt. A book, and by all means, but not a pen, not a pen for me. So very, very strange book. I mean, David Fafarnam is the miss of the season in the first half as well, middle of the goal, no goalkeeper, a yard out, and, to the point, but he did make up for it in the second half, but were you in the same... This doesn't play for us. Yeah, exactly. Were you in the same boat, those mean sammers, like if anyone was going to win, then it was a bit... Yeah, I'd probably prefer it's raw, but if the way it is, but now listen, if barely catch everything, then everything deserves anything to get. Simple as that. So, yeah, you've ever been able to get a both bremford, and then obviously, that's another team down there. It's... I don't know whether we expected too much of a bremford this season, or people just thought he'd be all right, because, but obviously, I haven't only been out, and as I said, he's not really sparked. I wouldn't have, not that I'm particularly bothered, but I don't think he deserves to be in the England squad. I think Donald Sollancs, he deserves to be in their head of him. But it'll be... Obviously, they need... They need three wins, you know, and I'm looking where they are, they're a point above us. So, it's funny how you look at it sometimes, and you look at something like bremford, and everyone will go, oh, that'll be all right, and then you look at everything, and people will go, oh, they're in trouble, or it's funny how we look at things from the different perspectives, but... Now, they've lost 17 of their 29 games, and they've only won seven, where Evan have won eight of 28, and only lost eight. Yeah, but we should have more points with me, I mean, that's obvious, but now it is interesting, they've had, you know, they've had things, they've got a few plays now, they were out for the, certainly, Ben Mees, out for the rest of the season, and they have had injuries all season, but that's obviously... Obviously, as Rallion, I'll be suspended now only as well. I mean, that happens to everyone, but it is good result for Burnley, and with the other game going... Yeah, it's so leaping for us, but, I mean, I watched most of this, and went out, Ross Barclay again was tremendous, I went out and... I'm thinking for us, they're going to ride this out, but we almost seen an unbelievable goal from Meryl O's free kick in his own half, which keep him in a good shape, but Luton end up getting it late equaliser, and for an evident perspective, that was a good result, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's funny, as Nick, as I've on Wednesday, Luton had held on, you've been desperate for a Luton win yesterday, but that's the way it's going at the moment, so yeah, it draws best for everyone, keeps both teams below us, Forrest were still waiting as time of recording, still waiting for the point of deduction for them, and whatever's going to happen with them. But if teams aren't winning, then that can only be a good thing for us. Sam, a draw, good result for you, in that instance. Yeah, I think so. I think when Forrest were winning, I probably would have watched that game, but it just... because when we're playing, Mimi misses, put on loads of a cube later bets, like we used to do years ago, before the kids were born, and we'd roll back the years, fish finger butteys, dice balls Saturday, it was full-time, and everywhere playing, so whatever happened, it didn't really matter, and that was the other game where I was thinking, I'll just roll with it because I don't want to do any dice when Forrest were winning, and I'm like, okay, well that means they're going to, you know, miss that one point, then equalise at the end. I thought, well, that draws probably a kind of a good result for us, really, because it doesn't do that either favours. We haven't spoken to that Luton ballad game this week, which was, because I was joking to be misses, I might watch Luton ballad, because it's a really big game for us, and I was joking, semi-joking, and then I saw it was 3-0 at halftime, and I thought, I'm glad I'm not watching that, and then I checked the score right at the end, and obviously it was 4-3, it was just like an absolute barnstormer of the game, but I think Luton have got that real, the really fragile, aren't they? The really fragile at the back, and they just become four apart at any moment. What they have got in their favour, they've got that kind of tenacity, haven't they, where they seem to be scored quite a lot of light goals. I mean, they've got one of the goodest ones, isn't they, in the cut. Or, well, not a bad result for Luton. Probably a bad result for Forrest, the way it went, and probably in broad terms, a good result for Everton. Yeah, I mean, Luton have got the big, the bad thing for them is they've got nine players out now, and that, for a club like Luton, who haven't got a big squad. Yeah, that was always going to be the issue, wasn't it? That is it. It's a killer, isn't it? They go to Spares next time out, then they've got Arsenal away, Bournemouth their own, City away, Brentford their own, Wolves away, Everton their own, West Ham away, Fulham their own. So they're not on a good run, and they've got, certainly, kind of like three of their next four, are very tough games for them. No, they've got the right, we spoke about this, haven't we? They've got the right attitude, and they do keep on there is a difference between them and obviously, like the likes of Ben and Sheffield tonight, because they don't look lost, like you look at Sheffield tonight, and they look lost, and every time they pick a point you go, like even when Sheffield tonight went to Bournemouth, they got a 2-2, they were 2-0 up, so they've been pegged back to 2-2, and have dropped points in it, so it looks like you've, it looks like you're continually losing out, where it's Luton look, even though they went 3-0 up, and end up getting B4-3. There's a, you know in your head, the reason, the reason they lost 4-3 is the reason they were 3-0 up, they have that attitude about them, and until that sort of gets beaten out of them, which I hope happens sooner rather than later, you're still having to... I've got threats. Well, you know, I can see clearly now, Sam, I know, I know... You know it's a danger. I know which one of them to go after. Now that, you know, until that goes, and that might go if they start losing players, or whatever the situation, or because they're not, because they've not been dragged. I mean, let's be honest, the forest get that point deduction, they're out of bottom 3. So that's the, I mean, it's not, they're not lost. They've won one game, which is the Brighton game, in 4, 8, 10. This live match? Yeah. 10, 11. They've won one in 11. And yet, could be out of bottom 3 this week. Because they won two on the run, in two, in two games. And that, and they still have that. Like, you know, that air of them, and you know, the legalising in the last minute of the game, and everyone goes, they're still in it, they still have that fight, they've stopped forest from getting away from them. And it is that thing that everyone still looks at. And then, but then again, that tells you what the bottom of the table is like, no one's really winning. So therefore, when somebody wins, it's a big deal. And then, you know, it's still very, very open. Forest just looked up all over the place. Go ahead, Sam. At the weekend, but go ahead, Sam. Where do you think Barclay goes after this season, because he's had a really good season, hasn't he? And he, you know, he's kind of not really panned out how he planned it, I suppose, when he was at Ivan, he moves to Chelsea, but he seems to be kind of building, building his reputation back up, with, you know, consistent butters. Where do you think his future lies, if he doesn't stay with Leighton after this season? God, the snaggo. At Avon, that I said this in the summer, Sam, when he was free, he was a no-brainer for me in the summer. For the simple reason that he can play a couple of positions, he can play as a number eight in Everton Smithfield, and he can play where the court he plays. Because, you know, again at the weekend, he's won from 25 yards, which is at the post, with his left foot, he strikes it with the right, he travels with the ball. None of our players do this. Again, I understand that there's a section of Evertonians, that wouldn't want them. But I look, and he's 30, so again, you know, I don't think he'd be commanded huge wages, because he's on, they don't think he's on that much at Leuton. And by all accounts, he's going to be a free transfer, but I don't know the ins and outs of that contract, but if he was a free transfer again, I mean, Perth, wouldn't you have him for a two-year deal? I think he's a really good player, because he's not maybe what people thought he was going to be, and never quite hit that top level. It doesn't mean he's not a good player. He's a good player, we've seen it. Whether someone else takes a risk on him, I don't know if you're going to take a risk on him. Like a top club, you've got to play. That's the only way you're going to get anything out of him is why he's got to play. Because I don't even a Chelsea, you saw flashes of brilliance in there now and again. So it would be interesting if it would... He's played 24 Premier League games off four goals on three assists in the centre of the park. For Luton? For Luton. So there's a player in there. I've just got a feeling that whatever David Moyes is next season, that's Barclay will be there. Really? Yeah, I do. I've got to just... I just think that he's that kind of player. He fits that perfect player that Moyes always used to get when he was at Everton. Those players who were talented, but he'd lost their way somewhere and didn't quite fit one of the big clubs. I was surprised, actually, that Westam didn't go for him this season. But I think now that he's had a season in the Premier League, I wouldn't be surprised if he stayed at Westam, that he went to Westam or if he went somewhere else. Moyes might earmark him, because I think he's that kind of player. What about you, Sam? I'd take him back, definitely, because even when he was at Everton, the minute I wasn't one to leave when he left, obviously there was all sorts of controversy about the manner in which he left. But he was one of those players, and he's still one of those players that he's always looking to get forward. He's always looking to drive the ball forward in one way or another. A lot of the time, recently, we've seen just our team set up with a certain amount of patience is the wrong word, because it's not like we're playing patience, we're just playing very cautiously and not really driving at the opponent. What I used to love about watching Everton and the Moyes kind of tell you was that the periods of pressure we'd have on opposing teams, especially at Godderson, we'd just have them pinned in their defensive third, and we'd just, we might not be creating those chances, but we'd be winning the second balls all the time. We'd get in the possession back, and we'd be driving forward with them again. And if you do that consistently, you can see that at the end of games, you know, the last 20 minutes, you just, you're forcing into a mistake in the end. He's one of those players, I think that just, he sort of, he turns the team into a bit more, you know, gives it that much more progressive edge. And I think he'd fit, he'd fit with the back of Godderson. I think that would be a small minority, wouldn't it, he just wouldn't say to him, but look, if we can take Rooney back that's the way he left, he can take Barclay back. I think as well it, they almost would suit a dice type of a failure I think, because he's big six, nobody's built. Yeah, I don't know whether we should get onto that or not, but you know, over six foot, powerful, left foot. He's absolutely a player that we just don't have. You know, we spoke of, like we have literally two players who play in the same position, O'n Anna and Garni. James Garni, that is. And then you have to call out your head of him, doesn't pick the ball up and run with it. No. So Everton are massively missing a player like this and, you know what, I'll be honest, if 99% of Everton fans said they didn't want him back, I'm listening to the 1%. And that's just the way it is, because he is a good player and whatever's happened, is happened. It's, it's. John Swinney aig rand o weithydd. People do things all, you know, in football all the time. People hear one side of the story, the story of the football club wants you to hear. We all know that. We knew that, just mentioned the day with Wayne Rooney. People held a grudge within for years because of the story that was peddled by our football club about why he left. And I'm sure, I'm sure there's something similar in there with Ross. What has he been? Has he been, you know, silly something in some of maybe the, some of the ways things have been done? Yeah, probably. Listen to his agent maybe, probably. He should not have done, yeah. But also you've got a player here who's flying on the madness. Cumin was like prove you can, prove you deserve a new contract. And then suddenly, you know, he's like, well, no, I'll just, I'll go somewhere else actually then if you don't actually want me. And it's, that football is off to make decisions for themselves. At times not football comes, you have to make decisions for the better then. He wanted a sign and he comes like Cumin drove the wedge between the two. In the end, yeah, in the end, it's, it's, you know, that's what's happened and, and I'd have him back because he's simply a much better player than we have and a different player like Sam said to what we have right now. And if you couldn't get, I mean, let's, let's be quite frank about it Sam is that we're not going to have a huge budget, are we? Let's be honest. So if you can get a player who's on, he's on 28 grand a week apparently at Luton. So I don't know if I can give him 40 grand a week, 50 grand a week, but you're not paying anything for him. And he signs a two year deal with an option. So you can have a look at it after two years then he plays to it. He can even play wide right in fact, some of his best games for Cumin. We're on the right hand side, creating for Le Cahy wedi. I think if you are gaming your squad, I think he makes everything better and I'm all for anyone who makes everything better right now. Well, that's all we can try to achieve, isn't it? Because hands tied behind our back and centre of the transfer market, what we can spend and you know, ultimately these little petty grudges, which has peds very rightly outlined that you know, everything for football over the years have, I think that the kind of phrase would be, they've been an unreliable writer, haven't they? It's because of the stories that have been told about departing players and departing managers and all of that sort of stuff. I think I'm 45 now so I'm way beyond far from John the 19 minutes and way beyond kind of wound up about players leaving or kissing a badge and all of that. Because ultimately it's great when you've got a hero and they really love the code but I just want 11 players on the pitch to be better than the 11 players we put out last time and Ross Buckley is a much more kind of sensible son because he's proven in the Premier League over many years and recently, as in this season, he knows the city, he knows the club. He's got a fast tag. If you look at some of the players that we have brought in, I mean, I don't mean to take apart any players but even someone like Jack Harrison, he's kind of, he's good in flashes and then he sort of disappears or you know, he waits for with the ball. I think someone like Barthly comes and just makes the team better, doesn't he? If you want to put it in black and white and if he's available on the cheap or on a free with limited wages, it just seems like a no-brainer. That's it, you just said it yourself. That's a really sensible sign. There's nothing dramatic about it at all. You can blow it up and make it a daily mail splash all you want but there's nothing there that's conservational. Player has good season in the Premier League, in a position that we need to buy in and you go, the last thing is, well, who is he? Well, it's Ross Barthly. So what? Like because literally, if people are stupid enough to be put off by something that happened like five or six, eight years ago was it now, then they need to grow up. This has happened, I couldn't care less. I've heard the lies about Rooney, I've heard the lies about Gary Speed. There's been loads. There's been loads of them as in there. Headlocks. Exactly. The club, the player, we've seen a load of times. The players will always, seeing it on documentaries and stuff, where players are like, I wanted to leave, I hated the club because of the manager or because of the contact situation or something. And I was basically told that if I left, I had to just take the blame for it. And things happen where stories are written or stories go in certain newspapers to make the fans kick off. And that's all, it's not just, it's loads of clubs do that. You take the blame. If you want to move, you take the blame. When it's as simple as that, and fans just, silly fans of our club, should just look at the situation and go, hmm, who should I really believe? Yeah, exactly. Who should I really believe after everything that's gone on? Who should I, why because, because why would you want them back at our football club? Because they're a good footballer. It's as simple as that. You know, imagine someone going to them. I'm going to do the big shot later. Right. And if I come back with a big bag of stuff like for the whole week, and my wife says, why have you bought turkey mince? I'd be like, because we had it last week and it was nice and it's affordable. I'm going to have it again. She has to go fair enough. And that's, that's Ross Barclay. That's it, turkey mince from Ross Barclay, you just thought. What have you nearly choked on that turkey mince, though? Would you take, would you take it out on them the following week? Would you make it personal? I'll push two more carefully. And that's it. And that's a good thing on life, isn't it? Basically. Two more carefully. Two more carefully. You know, tread carefully where turkey mince is concerned. Are you going to quit that to Ross Barclay? Can't you? Why are you treading on turkey mince? Tread carefully. That's waste, isn't it? Well, it depends, doesn't it? It depends. So Ross Barclay like into turkey mince. Where play does a job affordable. What more do you want? Bernard Malins that is hands all over it. I don't know if that's true. But there you go. Was it very funny? Bernard Matthews. Bernard Manning. Bernard Manning. Bernard Manning. Bernard Manning. On a Saturday morning. Bernard Matthews was beautiful. Bernard Manning was weird but I won't say it like that. Reisist. Yeah. Horrible. Mrs Mayer in destroyer. Reisist, wasn't it? Yeah. Mrs Mayer. Mrs Mayer in destroyer. Very much like his turkey mince of Bernard Matthews. No, his turkey mince Bernard Manning. We've established that Bernard Manning didn't have turkey mince. Well, he might have had it but he didn't certainly produce it all for his name to it. I have to be very English. There you go. Very white. There you go. What do you want? White, say. He did. Yeah, fair play. Fair play, too. I digress. You do digress. You do digress. Sam, what did you do with the weekend? Do you have any gigs? Yeah, I had some gigs. I was in Stoke on Friday night and the whole time I was there. All I could say was can he do it on a Black Friday night in Stoke? That's all I think of him dead. Could you do it? It turns out I can. So it turns out I am another weather all location performer. So that was good. That's good. I was back home quite early and then on Saturday it was my wedding anniversary. Well, it was my wedding anniversary on Sunday so Saturday at the night off we went for the feel. That was very nice. Suddenly woke up wedding anniversary and me and my wife were married for about two thousand years now so we don't really do presents. I'll be honest, Sam. I'll be honest. Just let me jump in there. Married for about. Come on. How long have you? You must know how long you've been married for. 12 years. OK, Sam. That's what you have to say. 12 years of slain. So, we decided. I thought we had the conversation that said we're not going to get it. Oh, that conversation. Yeah, that conversation in your head. That conversation can be had on a loud speaker in a shopping mall being live to the country. There'll be no proof of it on the day though. No, no, no. What I would go with Sam is always get a back off regardless. So, you've got the gift. Yeah, I would, mate. I would. And that's why what I found is taking minutes. That's going to take taking minutes. A pound of it. A pound of taking minutes. A pound of it. Oh, I love it. It was tasty last week. So, what happened was on Sunday I woke up and I was like, oh no, I haven't got a card and I saw she'd left a card on the side. So, I said, oh, the kids need milk so I won't get some milk. Classic. So, I went up to the little shop at the top, some milk. Got a really substand the birthday card. Yeah. Come back home. Why are you getting a birthday card? Why are you getting a birthday card? That will get you in trouble. A birthday card on a wedding anniversary will get you in trouble, Sam. That shows you are unprepared. Very much like a Roberto Martin as Everton team in pre-season. Very much undercooked. Like taking minutes. Sorry, it wasn't a birthday card but it was for. It wasn't as caught as a birthday card on a birthday card which was great. You know, with like a buy or direct it out. Yeah, it was a genuine anniversary card but it was pretty ropey. So, picking the kid's porridge and I'm thinking I need to just write this upstairs so she doesn't think I've just bought it. Of course. But I'll present it later on. So, I'm doing the porridge. Got two bowls of porridge in the microwave. I'm upstairs. I hear the microwave beeping. One downstairs. Open the microwave. Grab both bowls with my hands. Like, absolutely. Pull them out instantly. Go, Jesus, that's hot. Drop one of them. One of them hits the floor. From quite a height. Lands perfectly. But all the porridge flies up honestly. A bit on my face. Oh my God. It's still on the ceiling now and he's got the ladder out and clean it. It's all dried. And obviously this gave the game away as why I was so flustered. She went, you haven't got a card yet. And I was like, why can porridge off my face go? Sorry, love. You should have said course I have. I'll go and get it for you now. Like the porridge. Can I just interject, right? Do you ever drop like a cup of tea or a cup or a bowl and try and take the sting out of it with your foot? Always. Yeah. No, I always do. I always do. I just want to check. Well, not always. That sounds like I drop everything on clumsy but if something never falls instantly, the accents I can try it with your foot. I always football. No, no, no. I'm just trying. I'm just, yeah. I just want to check other people did that. No, have you ever dropped a bit of tea and your cup's still full but there's a lake on the floor? There's like, you'll go like that and think, wow, and you're catching, you go, and that's all right. Me tea's still at an acceptable rim level. Yeah. And you look at the townhouse there, wasn't I? And I look down and there's literally a lake. It's a bar in town at, you know, rim level. Is it? No. No. Oh. Acceptable rim level. One, nil. Yeah. Have fun. That's it. Yeah. Science. Science. When you trap it though, if you it's just when you trap a cup of tea with your white traps on, it's obviously going to have you know, negative. Consequences. Consequences. You've got to do that, haven't you? You've just got to soften the vlog. You've got to stop the cup of tea. If you've got a kitchen floor, that will literally break anything, by the way. Literally break anything. Anything. Anything at a time. If you drop a glass, you clean up. You clear everything. And there's still glass. Three months later, you find a bit of glass. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. I clean it everywhere after this bit of, and it's like a shard. It's proper shard. Shard. You can't say shard. You have to say shard. Shard eh? Shard. Oh. This week, I nominate. This week, I nominate. Calorite and shard eh? Sorry, Craig. But there you go. There you go. The Craig Phillips reference for the ages. The way things are going on at the moment, that reference will come back. Of course. Because everything's coming back. That's a little too big for the genre at the moment. Put it on TikTok. It'll come back. And it'll be there. It'll be there. I've got a few. Would you rather, what about this? What about this? Right? Would you rather be forced to listen to the same 10 songs on repeat for the rest of your life? Or watch the same five movies on repeat for the rest of your life? Let's go to Sam. OK. I would probably go. Do we get to choose the songs in the movies? I imagine. Yeah. I'd probably go with you. You can choose them. Will you? I think the songs would get really, really annoying after a while. Cos if you went for like a really long frog rock, you know, random pink Floyd track, it's going to get boring after a while. Whereas I can watch the same five movies again and again and don't even have to be go movies. I remember when I was a kid constantly watching Teen Wolf on repeat. Absolutely. I'm with you. It's not a great movie. No. Well, I love it. Super. Can I ask you a question? Can I ask you a question about Teen Wolf? Right. Are you aware of the final scene in Teen Wolf on when they've just won and everything goes in slow motion and there is a gentleman on the bleachers who gets his lad out? No. No. There you go. Is another reason to watch it, Sam. Another reason to watch it. Are we sure that's in the real? It's in the real. At the very, very end. It all, they just won. It's just gone. I'm not being Teen Wolf and everyone's like, shut up your tit. Wolf up. Llywydd, they didn't skip it. This isn't your tit. Wolf up. Wolf out. Wolf in. Wolf Alice. Wherever it is. They say, he says. They're really like, no, I'm going to win this as a five foot three little white guy with terrible air and they go, Sam. That'll have no ramifications. Never. They win it. Even though again, they've got a fellow who clearly could die on the court that he's that morbidly obese. Yeah. They still win and at the end, they're all celebrating. He rejects the unbelievably hot female for the unbelievably tomboyish gael, fair plaitum, whatever rings his bell and then plus behind them, fellow just scarcely pulls that on his jeans. And I notice me into your bed out. No. Honestly. I can honestly say, I've never, ever noticed that. Go for it. Go for it. Why have they left it in there? I don't know. I don't know. Seems a bit creepy. Seems a bit creepy. But that's the beauty of films. You can always find something new in them. Mm. Apparently so. Go on, what are you up to film, Sam? I don't know. It was that one which now got a massive bit of flag above it. Yeah. Huge red flag. I'm going to see if it's that as well. No, don't show the kids. Yeah. Show the kids that. Superman 3, I used to watch it all the time when I was a kid. Obviously, Back to the Future, The First One. And just Michael J. Fox seems to be you know, very popular in my house. But then there's like other films like really like, you know, films that are twisted at the end if you watch them now in the twist, you can then kind of put the pieces together. Yeah, you can see more stuff can't you're in the film because you can see when films are got a good twist you can go back and go ah look it's there, it's in plain sight earlier then. Okay. I can watch, honest to God, there's some films that I can watch. Well, there's a lot of films I can watch where I can start them at any point. And you're all right. And just watch 10 minutes of it and just go I'm happy with that. That's there. Because I know that after that I know everything about it. Like the US office if you could give me that I could finish that and start it again because it's amazing. But for me it would be I'd probably watch this into the music because I need new films all the time. It's literally my passion. Your thing, yeah. 30, 30. Well, do you rather lose the ability to cry? Or cry every day for 20 minutes randomly? So not be able to cry? Imagine it, imagine it just based on tears for 20 minutes so never cry ever again. And I imagine a lot of men will probably go yeah, I'm not asked about crying ever. Or just based into tears. Let me, can I just come on, you know, we're all encouraged to talk more. Of course. Am we right? Yeah. I hand on half and I find it so much. I will, bad things will happen and I'm just like terrible that, right? Give me a sport and drama film. Oh, I mean buckets. I mean buckets at the end. They've just won the little college, plucky college team have just won the big game and I'm in floods of tears. Felwch chi, felwch chi. Felly, felwch chi. Felly, felwch chi. Felly, felwch chi. Felly, felwch chi. Felwch chi. Felwch chi. Felly, felwch chi. Felwch chi. Felwch chi. Felwch chi. Felwch chi. Buckets. Felly, honestly, any sport and drama, little tears in their, honestly, fielded dreams of what they do tonight and I'm just like, yeah, that is that. Yeah. I mean, that's an optional connection that was it. He died in it. He was like shant, team's dead. A big deal. Go on. I would, I would probably choose, I mean it, like, crying randomly at 20 minutes in the middle of the day could be in the middle of a passion. Yeah, could be doing work with your lover. Yeah. Then you start, you know, it's all a bit weird. I got it from the garage for your love. The garage forecourt with the flowers. These roses are from the ass there. I'll be elevate, silly. But the perversely, crying after a good sob, because I don't cry that often, but when I do, you feel amazing afterwards. Yeah. Great, because I think chemicals come out of the tear ducts and all sorts. Yeah, yeah. Like, you know, when you put your hand over and you puke up and blow up five minutes after you can, you go. You feel amazing. If you're getting a gym, you gym get ready, you're going to hit the treadmill and you'd feel sick. Yeah, obviously. It's, it's cacatatic in it to do that a little sob. Yeah. But not randomly though. Imagine if you were on stage and you just, you just went, so what would you go for then? The non-random one. So never cry, never again. Okay. Good if you could book it in, like every day. Yeah, if you could schedule the tears. Like the claff of carers. But that's a claff of carers. Yeah, but that only lasted three weeks. Um. Yeah, but a random takes that away don't it? All right. Would you rather your only mode of transportation be a donkey or a giraffe? I'd say a donkey just for storage. You're not going to get off in the shed are you? No. I'm not saying you should put a donkey in your shed. No. But well, unless it's Ned's shed. Because it couldn't get in the house. It couldn't get in the house if it was Ned's shed. Is it really a shed? Not really. Well, I don't know. That's for a different show, isn't it? That's a different show, isn't it? Donkeys have got, yeah. But if you've got a barn and you know, maybe the son of God will just, you know, come round and go, there's a donkey there lad. Let's sleep over there. You aren't getting the son of God coming around if you've got a giraffe are you? Unless that's in another book. Unless that's a different book. Yeah. That's a different off, a different animal. You know what I mean? What are you going for? So you're going for a donkey. What are you going for, Sam? I'll go giraffe just because I feel like that neck needs climbing. I'd love to just shimmy up. Like a lam post. Little cushion. Like a lam post, but a bit like a helter, a helter as well, like a little cushion. And then just slide down. Yeah. And the graceful auntie giraffe. I mean that's a hala has on the giraffe. I'm not going to be like that. You might be here to get away with it. Yeah, I'm alright. But Sam's not getting away with climbing a giraffe. I'm sorry he's not. You maybe dead even more so with him being the smallest boy in the room. Maybe. Like a little panelchio over there. I'm a real boy. I'm a real boy. I'm a real boy. I'm a real boy. I'm a real boy. Many. Yeah. Hands go where they shouldn't. Bull. Yeah. It's definitely. You're actually quite vicious as well. I saw a video of giraffe kicking a lion's head in. Like with the back legs just kind of. Because the lions try to get them up. They can slide down it as the helter skills have been funny. Town gets worse every week. Yeah. Yeah. Town is bad. Town is bad. Would you rather be able to control animals or see into the future? Control animals for me. Yeah. Yeah. Because if I see into the future my personality would mean that if I saw something terrible I'd fixate on that and if I saw something great I'd be convinced that that wouldn't really happen. Yeah. That's just being an episode. If you see into the future it's proper spoilers. Do you know what I mean? At least if you can control the at least if you can control the animals then it would just be they could make the world a better place. That is. Yeah. You could you know. Great to just be walking through town wouldn't it? With like you know. A lion pock's behind you. A donkey. You've got the giraffe behind you. Why are you picking shit animals? You walk into town and you have a pack of wolves. Some lions a couple of tigers and you go on. What lad? Get to the go into the and then you just go. Go into the machies. Flicky fingers. No you go into the machies and you go. What lad? The milkshake machines off. No I don't think it is mate. I don't think it is. Get it back up now. Why? Because you've got a lion in it. Fair play. They're switching that they're switching that milkshake machine back on straight away. Simple as that. With a couple of tigers. It's 10.31 and I can't get a breakfast. Is that right? Yeah. A sack. All right. A pterodactyl swoops down. That's it. Hang on. That's pterodactyl. You've gone from donkeys to a pterodactyl. My God. My God. All right. The last one for this week. Would you rather go a year with no eyelashes or a year with no eyebrows? But what do lashes actually do? Did they prevent me from putting my contact lenses in? So both. But what is it about eyebrows that make you seem... You look like an alien. You look like an alien. You look like you're in cacoon. You look like a completely different person. Like, you know, without Sam and like a horrible person here, you know, for Sam, eyebrows are hugely important. You know what I mean? Without them, he looks like a freak. I think everyone does. Listen, I've said this before. I went to a party when I was 15 or 16 and there may have been some alcohol contumed. And I went to sleep. Yeah. And I was asleep on my side and some knobbett shaved my eyebrow. Very much. And apparently when I finished, I turned over so he shaved the other one. So I did look like I was in cacoon. I did have to use mascara for a little bit. On what was just to try and get because you cannot underestimate. No, power. Different your face looks. With no eyebrows. If I was going to the dragon's den, wherever I was pitching would be for eyebrows. They're that important. Has anyone ever gone in and pitched eyebrow stuff? Ni must have done, surely. Not to my recollection, I've watched every single episode. Yeah, every single one. There you go, fair play. Fair play. Sam, what are you going for? For a ball of time. To Neville. To Neville. To Neville. Yeah. To Neville. Fair play. I'm going eye-lasses as well. Good. So go on, Sam. You can have the final say. Well, I can't disagree with Ed's. You know, very honest and frank assessment of my face, but I would look like a... I mean, I look a bit odd anyway, but that's the demo way. I've just got nothing. I've got no... You know, there's none going on there, so I'd have to keep my eyebrows, but it's amazing how long it takes eyebrows to grow back. As you know, about if someone's shaved them off. We all shaved these, at least, 17, like 11s in our eyebrows once thinking, let's go back like a beard. We'll go back in three days. It was about six weeks after that. Yeah. How is it? You can't get it off. Yeah. That's it, innit? How is it? You have your eyebrows. If you shave them off, they take, like, a generation to come back. And, yeah, as you get older, the hair in your ears grows by the hour. It's literally sprouting out. What's going on there? That's why you need to go to a circus barber. Listen, I think you are a... Like, a man in your position normally would have grown a beard by now. So I think you do well, mate. You do well, don't you? I... I... So... I'll toy with the beard, but I just look a bit homeless when it gets beyond about five, six days. So then I go completely, you know, clean shaving, and then I've got not. And if it's in my eyebrows, just centre my face. Yeah. Fair play to you. Would you miss his fume if you had the beard? Does she not like it either? She just wouldn't come near me. Yeah. So fair play to you mate. I think sometimes to just go it if you just want a bit of time alone, just change your face. But there's not much she can do, which is why I think it would be great if Botox and fillers developed to the point where we can have Star Trek style implant in our heads. Cos people with no hair, we need options. Give us like a funky nose or a, you know, a cling on head. You could get that hair do that you see, couldn't you? The way they glue it on. Yeah. And look at me. That's what I sent you the other day. It's amazing. Unbelievable. It's amazing. You literally go, they glue like a big thick wig on your head and then they shave it all. And you, mate, you could look. It looks amazing. You could look. I know, but no. Six months. No. No, it doesn't matter. You could look. Six months. Someone could be like, it doesn't matter. Something different. Well, Sam. Sam looks a bit different. Ah. You've done something with your eyebrows. Yeah. You've got your eyebrows shaped. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's the eyebrows tattooed on. I have got this one tickle hat and when I wear it, it leaves like loads of little residue of wool on my head. So it looks like I've had really cheap plugs on. So I have to make sure when I wear that, I have to take it off and I've got to spend ages like plucking off. Do you know what it is, though, Sam? Know what it is for your eyebrows and for your hair. Power bars and lucasate. That's the thing. That's the mix. That and vitamin B12. But there you go. It's all good. Get all that down your neck, Sam. You'll come on next week with full-grown locks. I'll be like one of those eggs that you grow Cressar of next week. I'll have all this like. The assignment you get in reception. We're going to have the egg with it. Kids always have to come home with the egg and put like things on it. Sam is basically a 21st century Tamagotchi. Make me. Make me. That's what I am, which is the lesser known T-Rex song. But if I come on next week, I come on next week with hair. Yeah. It's a favour. Don't reference it. We won't. No, we won't. No. Of course. What you choose to do with your beauty products or your personal grooming has got nothing to do with us, mate. You do. You do. You, Sam. And we'll see how we go. We'll see how we go. Right. Let's leave it. Let's. No. There's no judgement here. Only if you have white statements. Right. Let's leave it here. Thank you very much for everyone who's listened. Give it a like, subscribe. Give it a five star review. All of that stuff. Follow Big Sam. Not Big Sam. Follow Sam Avery. Not Big Sam. Well, follow Big Sam if you want. I'm not telling you what to do. But we'll be back next week. See you later. Bye.