 اور ویشتیت ہے۔ یہ ہمارے منتظر پڑھا ہوں۔ کیا ہے کہ ویشتیت اور ویشتیت ہے؟ your mother has a problem with your wife you don't just side with one of them no you must be just you must be fair if your mother is wrong she is wrong even if she is your mother we have an attitude where we say my mother is my door to paradise my brother sometimes your mother is your door to hell انہوں کیا جانتے ہیں؟ اسلام میں آپ کو اگر اور آپ کے بارے از ہمارے میں کاف سچی ہے اور وہ جو کچھ کسی ہر کوچہ نہیں ہے۔ کیا آپ جانتے ہیں؟ واللاحد اور ایک میں یہ جو آپ کا تیشید کیا آنا بات کرتا ہوں ، کیونکہ جس آپ کو ایسا کے بارے میں الكھوپ پاس بگر ہے۔ اور اس کے جبتی کی فرمتوں کو کہتے ہیں۔ اور پھر ان کی وجود میں سالت پر طرح جانتا ہے اور جو کافت تک سکتا ہے کرتا ہے اور بھی کسی اپسی دلی سے بلگتا ہے اور گرمان چاہتا ہے یہ ایسا my mother that's my mother that's my mother how long are you going to keep on saying that's your mother when she is oppressing your wife something somehow somewhere needs to be said i just speak to your father or tell your mother mother i love you so جو خود بچتے ہوں، ا پنی سیسجہ لیکن اس جو چھنے کے لیے پر کتبے قرآنی پر بہاہت کرتا ہوں یا ان ہوں کے لئے سے مدیہ معاہ خود کیا ہے۔ اور مدیہ ہوں کسی پر آپ کو خود سکتا ہے دنہوں میں آپ کے لیے کیا اپنا تورانی ہوں تو مدھر میں آپ سیکتےہ لیے گا ہوں اور یہاں چاہتا ہوں کہ This is the پھر مدھر کو کسنے کیا ہے اور آپ جانا سکتا ہے آپ اس کی مدھر کو کسنے کیا ہے اگر ان کو مجھے نہیں سическиنے کیا جس چوں اسکلنے کی غیال دیکھتے ہیں خوب کو ڈابeka کا معلوم کرنے کا دانسیا گناہر قائennen ہے When you do not lay your territory, your marriage cannot work People don't know where is my leave They don't know So how can your marriage work Your mother doesn't know, your father doesn't know Some father's issue instructions to their daughters in the law worse than the instruction of their own son to that wife of theirs What was the point father why didn't you just marry this woman one time That is not fair You can NOT just come and say اپنے گھوشروں کا محرش ہی بھی میرہ تک انہوں کو پر ت covet دیتے ہوں انہوں کو محرش ناہریں اپنے گوشeau دیں گوشا ہوں انہوں کو افراد کرنا چاہتے ہیں انہوں پہنے اور بہت executive ملی ہوتے ا回س طرح جو کم کے لوگوں مئے مرابط لائے جانتے ہیں اوہ میں اس میں بہت بہت مکہ مجھے س Lux پر کچھ کی ضرورہ ہے لیکن یہ اپنے گوشا ہے لیکن یہ اپنے زبگا ہے دیکھے کا عقبھ روز مجھر تقوم ہوتا ہے اور ہموں سے کسی مجھر بہت کرنا چاہتا ہے کہیارا ہے جب یہ حقید تھی حالت ہے گے کسی بہت ہوا تلوی کو بھی چاہتا ہے کہ آپ انھیں لیکن اجنا کی نänder پر سویز کے انہیں جاں ایسSn تحقید ہوتا ہے کہ آپ کسی بہت تحقید ہوتا ہے جب آپ انہوں Honors کے لئے ہم خطاب ہی نہیں سکتا ہوں لیکن ہمیشش سارے ساتھ وہ آگا ہے جیسا ہوں اس کی جانتے ہیں کہ یہ ہے کہ آپ پر وہاں پہنچ گوٹا ہے جب آپ کا سی relation پڑتے ہیں اور آپ کے سارے ساتھ ہی کھوٹا نہیں کیا ہے اس کے because میں آپ کے لئے چاہتا ہے آپ کیFredک لی ٹھیک دور کیا ہے لیکن آپ کے لئے کھوٹا ہے ہمارے ساتھ اور چالے کے لئے یہ سکتا ہوں ساکتا ہے آپ پہنچ پہنچ نہیں ہوں ہوتا ہے ہمیں جو احد نے لین تھا ہوں refrigerator� احوالت ہے اس وقت کے لئے سوچا 你ہ اکستش Wet بھی مرجا کے لئے آپ بھی luck مرجا کے لئے ایک فرمان ا believe медی بھی مخقد Colorado خفض کان MIT اللہ packs ابتندívتا ہے آنے مساہ کے لئے جان ت assessed Oh my son where where you what happened these children are watching they are seeing look at this grandfather of mine these people here does he know what they do at school and here he is embracing them it is only because we are foolish human nature makes us get irritated with those we live with sometimes and we don't know those who are really irritating are actually so close to us because they are far this is why we tell parents sometimes you need to make sure your children live a little bit of a distance from you so that you can be even closer in relation and I have seen in my life with lots of experience that those children who do not live with their parents are sometimes closer in relation with their parents they have a better understanding and they have a much better relation and I am not promoting people to abandon their parents no you need never to abandon your parents if you do that you are sinful of the highest order but what we are saying is give each other your اسے دھو مرسالہ ہے جب آپ کو مرسالہ کو دھو اور آپ کو۔ some women get married into homes where mother-in-law sits and dishes instruction right today we will cook this this this this this i am inviting twenty people for lunch forty people for supper tomorrow morning sixty people for breakfast but hang on man i am one daughter-in-law here we are a few people here what's going on if this happened once a while it's okay but you cannot just sit back and dish out instructions as though this is a restaurant ماشا اللہ لوگتا ہے اگر آپ میں تمہارا کا خلاف بار ہے آپ آپ کو معلوم کر رہے ہیں جو ایک رoger ہے جو معلوم کرتے ہیں کم ہمچھا ہی ماشا اللہوں پریش رہو ہی ٹھیک ہے ماشا اللہ اللہ سبحانہ و صرف اللہ ماشا اللہ میں اس سے بہتا ہوں کیا پہلے کچھوں کا نلائے آپ آپ knowing یہ نظور کچھی مر Iron ہمجھے ہمٹنے کیا نہیں ہے ماشا اللہ جو کسی ایچے لیکن محاقا ایک کسی نقاطہ کا سمجھ기를 بہت stewارہ ملتی نہیں بہت ظاہری نہیں رہا کرٹا Bend esses اوموں میں بہت جب آپrias کی کھانے بھی بڑے ہوئےployا ہے آپ دیوتے میں مصور کہا ہے تو تلاک حضیص sends کو算ان ہیں Tada م抽 م right سکتتے ہیں کہ وہ دن ت پہلے ہیں کہ آپ کی نام کرتے ہیں آپ دارہ نام میں پر سکتے ہیں سکتے ہیں اسے بہت ہی سامنے میں سوچ کر دیادہ ہوتا ہے ، آپ کے بارے میں سوچ کر د� 👈 آپ یہ سوچ کرنے گا؟ یہ جو کافہ ایر thanتا ہے کہ پولک میں دوران میں در کوئی بلاتلی ہوتا ہے لیکن سکل چاہتا ہے کہ پولک مرد بات بات سوچ کرتے ہیں اور کچھ ربن کرنا کرنا ہے ، اسی ہم کی حدہ جانا ہے؟ اسی طور پہنچا ہے تو اس کا سوچ어서 پرزاnah ہے ایک سب سے انہوں کو پہلے گا اس کے جو انہوں کو پہеня جو پہنچا ہےSarah بھرارہا ہوں اس میں بھی نقصہ ہوں اس کے نقصہ س collaborators ہم آپ کو بھی کامنکی لیں اسی چیز میں ہم سے کامنکی لیں پہنچا کو کامنکی لیں آنسانوی ہم ink آنسانوی ہم آپ کو کامنک نہیں بھی سب سے بہتlooking ماہبیا ہےہم اسی بیٹس کے مجھے شماہ پر اگر اسے轉 mood a big problem for me my dee sister am going to advise you some think from a psychological point of view psychology and naturally your husband is in a very tough situation his mother you have to understand this his mother is his authority which means that he can only say so much and if If he says something to her about the situation, he will normally choose a time and place where you cannot hear the conversation. Most men do that. The reason he does that is not because he is trying to hide things from you if he does that. But it's because he is afraid that his mother may say something that may hurt you more. لہذا یہ ایک کہا ہے اور اُن م剌ت کے مہد رہا ہے کہ ایسا کسی چاہتے ہیں لوگ ایسا کہا رہے کہ در اچھا جو بہت ایک cũng franc اللہ جن ترہے۔ لوگ ایسا کسی مہد نہیں تک کہا جاتے ہیں وہ کسی بہت چاہتے ہیں اور ایک ہی سیچویلوسٹ کرنا ہے۔ چی چی؟ whether he likes it or not thant can only talk to his mother so much کسی چاہتے ہیں کسی ایک چی چی چی چکتے ہیں ایک چی چاہتے ہیں when I see here that you are saying, and the husband stays silent, I feel as if there is blame being put on the husband. Please take it easy on your husband, please have mercy on your husband, because one day you will be a mother, and one day you will have a daughter in law. ہے انہوں ہے اور اللہ who اعلم what kind of a daughter in law you will have and you may have ill feelings toward  ٨ہر you may feel that this son of yours has chosen her over you انھے ہم آپ کے�ت pleasing You're the mother you're the one who carried him you're the one who sacrificed her life for him اور now this woman pops out of nowhere and takes him all from you you're going to feel like that only a God fearing woman abstains from such language so what I can say to you first of all sister is take it easy on your husband and listen the burden of him let me give you an excellent piece of advice my dear sister in Islam I've done about, I've solemnized about 600 marriages in Australia and half of them they call me up and talk to me about their situation in the marriage and ask me very similar questions among the best advices I give to them and it works الحمدلہ اللہ is this no matter what your in-laws say number one tolerate tolerate their bad behavior I know it seems harsh I know it seems that maybe I'm not considering your own feelings your own rights I know I may be sounding like I'm not respecting your own dignity اللہ ہی I am please bear with me try to tolerate as much as you can from the misbehavior or mistreatment of your in-laws if you do that اللہ ہی 90% of the time your husband will only grow to love you more he will love you more because you are helping him and if he loves you more he will serve you better and he will protect you from them more in fact you will give him a better stance to talk to his parents a better stance to talk to his parents the way you like try not to put that pressure on him he can only go so far because remember this person you married when he came out of his parents life his mother knows him inside out his mother knows him inside out she knows how he speaks she knows how he deals with situations he doesn't like so if you put too much pressure on him and force him to say certain things to your mother in law and you have a right to defend yourself اللہ ہی but if he goes out out of pressure from you then he's going to say and act in a certain way that his mother knows it is not her son speaking so then she will blame you more she will say this is your wife's doings she is sending you to disrespect me because I know my son am I right or wrong but having said that having said that she will not give the mother in law the right to disrespect her daughter in law what happens her son will limit or he will limit his contact with his mother why because every time he visits her or he goes out with his wife he comes back with a headache at home the result the children become psychologically disturbed the children get raised in a dysfunctional family mark my words the arguments grow because the husband is in two places number one he wants to protect his wife and defend her she's his wife these are his children he needs her he loves her she served him well she loves him he owes her a lot at the same time his mother he owes her even more secondly he has authority over his wife but his mother has authority over him so he is afraid he can't bring himself to tell his wife my mother is a bad woman my mother is a nasty woman some wives they want to hear that from their husband they want to hear their husband say my mother is very wrong my mother should have never done that may Allah guide my mother for her mistreatment of my wife you wife don't even listen to her she tells you the next time you don't listen to her I will deal with her the wife wants to hear these things but a good son who is God fearing will never say these things he will say simple words like my dear wife Malish be patient I know my mother may say things sometimes that are hurtful to you and it doesn't please me but what can I do now the first time he says it the second time he says it to you third time fourth time and in the end what happens he gets frustrated too he can't say what you want to hear because he can't back bite his mother he can't she's mother is about to die he only has a few more years before he sees her pass away he doesn't want to leave her like that at the same time he wants his wife to be comfortable and happy so then he says to her wife look you don't have to always go over I don't always have to have contact with my mother I know of couples where their wife sees them only on occasions she goes to visit her in-laws on Eid or in Ramadan which is fine she's not obliged to constantly visit them in these circumstances but the son has to continue to maintain his contact with his mother and father my dear sister having said this when your husband goes and visits them please do not ask him questions don't sit there asking what did your mother say about me you were there for a long time you can talk to her Masha Allah but your wife will always argue I wish you can talk the same way you talk to your mother with me but you see the problem was that when he was with his mother his mother is pampering him making the best food for him I'm sure the sister does that too but she is smarter than you because she knows her son better than you and her son's compassion and kindness overcomes him this is not his fault he's born with it and your compassion and kindness to your mother and father also overcome you my dear sister as well I'm sure about that now if the husband supports his mother with his ill treatment towards you then this is lulm this is oppression and the husband who oppresses his wife even if his mother is the one who causes him to do that will be gathered with the oppressors of the world on the day of judgment people like Hitla and Firaoum and there is no harm and no haram in the husband or the son sitting down with his mother and saying to her with the most respectful words my mother my dear mother Allah is witness that I love you more than myself my blood in my veins flows in love for you I will do anything for you my mother I will cross the seven seas but my wife Allah has obliged me to look after her she is not better than you the son has to say these things to his mother he has to say these he has to exaggerate them even if he doesn't mean them a hundred percent you must exaggerate them to your mother she is a human being who only wants the best for you and she loves you so you say to her mother what you are doing is wrong this is the work of the son what you are doing is wrong the mother may respond and say what am I doing is right she teaching you mother wallahi she is not teaching me and you know what mother because of my respect and love for you I don't want to say anything more than that all I want to say is it's hurting me and it makes my life hard that when words that are hurtful it's not nice so there's nothing wrong with saying to your mother that and you say to your mother and hug her say wallahi I love you more than anything you have to express these words so ten good things one negative thing and then you say to her mother I will never leave you alone and my wife never can change me no one can change me so my mother please if you love your son please help me in this manner and if there's anything my wife does wrong come and talk to me talk to me inshallah and I'll handle it and in the end if they don't listen and they keep arguing some parents they just don't get it this is what you say to them finally you say mother and father you taught me I didn't teach you you know more than me I don't know more than you if you think that what you are saying and the way you think is the right way then keep going and if you think it's the wrong way then you know it I'm not the person to tell you I will still love you and I appreciate you inshallah your parents will go back and think about it and I'm sure inshallah it'll have a positive effect so long as you are the one who talks to your parents in that manner and you know sister please respect him with his privacy with his parents I'm sorry to take more time on that this is a very serious topic respect him and give him the room to talk in private with his parents and don't burden him with too many questions because just as when he talks to you you don't want him to say anything about you to his parents also his parents are trusting him not to pass on the information to you so if there's no trust there is no relationship if there is trust there is relationship and may Allah ﷻ grant us understanding patience and success in this great trial and test may Allah ﷻ make our wives and the husbands among the righteous for our shortcomings my dear brothers and sisters please forgive me if I have said anything that offended anyone here if I did then it will be a mistake on my behalf and if I have said anything wrong in accordance with Islam not according to Islam that it is my mistake and Islam is innocent from my wrong words my Allah ﷻ grant us understanding and knowledge and forgive us and now let me talk to the sisters for a little bit sisters you are stuck with your husband stop being angry accept it and try to love your husband try to make your husband happy because believe me if he gets even a little bit happy you will be really happy I'm telling you right now you say I'm angry why should he be happy I know you I know I've talked enough of you I know he doesn't care about me why should I care about him and he thinks the same thing she doesn't care about me why should I care about her you start you be nice to him you smile at him and he'll get all shot like why are you smiling is everything okay is your mother here you have to be nice to your husband don't dress up when you go to a wedding dress up for your husband even if you have four kids it doesn't matter dress up for your husband there's enough shaitan and fitna outside so your husband should find beauty in you not anywhere else and you should compliment your wife you should say nice things to your wife you shouldn't just always complain where are the keys where's the mail did you get the groceries did you do this did you oh you didn't do anything oh you don't listen to me stop man there's not enough salt there's too much salt there's not enough sugar there's too much sugar there's not hot enough it's too hot stop stop say nice things to your wife and I know if you're like Indian Pakistani then it's very difficult for you I know it's very hard to say nice things to your wife in our culture if you say nice things to your wife your ribs hurt you know so you have to immediately follow it up with something mean you have to say something bad right after the balance the equation you can't just say nice things so if the food is really good you're like but I still hate your mother like something you have to add something but don't try to be this is the dua we're asking Allah to give us so much happiness from our wife and our husband and our children that it makes us want to cry out of joy how will that happen you cannot ask Allah for something and not make any effort yourself it doesn't work that way you cannot say yalla make me establish her of the prayer and you're sitting lying down in bed Azaan is going on you're like Allah is not going to send you angels that carry you and lift you to the salah and then they make you make ruku and get you back you got to get up yourself man you make dua and you make some effort yourself you're not going to make dua and all of a sudden your wife will start loving you no you have to show her love too you have to do that you have to make some effort in the house I am telling you this is the work of the ummah today fixing the family fixing the family and when our children see that the husband and wife are fighting with each other they slip through the cracks so they get in trouble with the mother they run to the father when they get in trouble with the father they run to the mother and they know they can do whatever they want that way because they know father and mother don't like each other when father and mother are a team oh man then they got nowhere to go you go to mom mom is like okay hold on let me call your dad let's talk about this together oh no no no I was hoping we could discuss this by ourselves without getting father involved no no this is and why should we do this why should I care so much about raising a good family being a good husband when you're a good husband your son will be a good husband when you're a good wife your daughter will be a good wife sisters this is what's good and if you're not then you will create bad families down in the future and you will be the fault you will be the reason so we say make us imam make us leaders over people that have taqwa in other words everybody who has a household is an imam you have an imam of the masjid you have an imam of the musallat but every house has an imam you're the imam of your house I don't care if you have a beard or not you're the imam of your house I don't care if you memorize quran or not you're the imam of your house and you want to make sure that your household that you are imam where these people are the last thing I want to share with you about these requirements is why why did Allah say on judgment day when I stand in front of Allah as an imam over my six children and my wife when I am imam over them they will be tied to me and if I didn't do my job with them and they made mistakes because of me their mistakes will also cost me I will be dragged down with them but if I raised my children correctly and I did good with them and they went on to serve Allah's deen and become good people earned good deeds then Allah raises them and when He raises them automatically because I'm chained to them He raises me we ask Allah to be with imam over muttaqeen we ask that because we need it on judgment day my deeds are not enough I'm going to need commission from my children and their children and their children