 Can we acknowledge that in the current dating marketplace, it's rather hard to kind of recognize who's worth investing your time in versus those you should walk away. So in a minute, I'm gonna talk about the three signs that he's a keeper, okay? Then, you know, as I was reflecting on this thought about why is it so challenging? Everybody says, why is it so hard to meet someone? Why is it so hard to find a good partner in your life? Well, we're in a chaotic world these days in a variety of different ways and not just from the outside influences and certainly here in the United States, we have a divided country in many ways that makes it challenging just to connect with people just in your, you know, who are even your friends. I want you to think how many people became so divided with each other during COVID as an example. And so what I wanna really lean in today is the understanding that human beings are oftentimes suffering on the inside in some way, shape, or form of not feeling good enough, not feeling lovable, not feeling likable. And part of the problem with, or the part of the reasoning behind that is many people are suffering from childhood wounds and traumas as well as adult traumas for those of us in midlife that makes it very difficult to actually lean into a relationship, to feel safe in a relationship. And I'm sure many of you are feeling this way as well. It's very difficult to develop a sense of trust because these days is certainly, and I called it the dating marketplace because in some ways, I don't wanna call it a meat market, but it can feel that way. One of the challenges is we're meeting total strangers, meeting total strangers. And when someone's a stranger, we don't feel safe, we don't feel comfortable, we don't feel a sense of familiarity and we don't know their backstory on what might have happened in their life. So it can certainly be understandable why it's much more difficult today than it was in years past to actually connect with someone. I want you to think back, hundreds if not thousands of years ago, most people met in the tribe that they lived in. You know, so everybody knew each other, in the village you lived in, everybody knew each other, maybe even in the town you lived in. And certainly up until about 50 or 60 years ago, a lot of times people met either in school or in their work environment. There was a sense of familiarity and with that familiarity, it made it easier to actually get to know one another to lean into a deeper relationship. And so what's happened today? We use these devices to connect with people and most of the time it's based on a photograph. It's based on how tall are they? How's their hair? What's their body type? What's their financial status? What's their stability in life? We oftentimes focus on the, I don't wanna call them superficial things, but the baseline needs, rather than the deeper needs that we all might want in a relationship. What makes someone a genuinely a keeper in a relationship? And if we're not addressing our childhood wounds and adult traumas, then what's gonna happen? You ever heard the definition of insanity? Doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results. That's why if you watch my other videos, I continually talk about books like the Hoffman process. I talk about the book's emotional maturity by Robert Masters. I talk about books like Talking to Strangers from Malcolm Gladwell. Why do I bring up these books? And by the way, there's a link below to all the books I recommend in the description under Jonathan recommended books. So why do I recommend these things? Because how to recognize someone who's a keeper starts by becoming a keeper within yourself. And I know we egoically think, I mean, human beings, well, I've noticed that there's really three types of people. There's the entitled personality. They think they deserve the best of everything. There's the doormat type of personality that is afraid of their own shadow and they're afraid to even ask for what they want. And most everybody is somewhere in between this. And part of this is because on some level, we're all experiencing some level of dysfunctionality because human beings haven't really developed, at least I noticed this here in the United States, haven't developed a sense of emotional maturity and very few people have good relationship skills. You know, it's interesting, last night, I was watching a show on Showtime called Couples Therapy. And I believe it is hidden cameras with actual couple therapy session. And what's fascinating to me how two people who genuinely love each other have a difficult time really connecting with one another. These are people that have been married or have been together for a very long time and they have difficulty really connecting on an emotional level because they have weak relationship skills. They have weak communication skills. This is why I continually recommend the book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg to help develop those skills with one another. So on a completely side note, I want you to think about the dating process, how difficult it is, okay? And I get it, it is very difficult. I feel like I've gone on what seems like a thousand first dates before I met someone genuinely special in my life and I met special people before and I say special in the sense that we're connected with one another. And yet this time feels so different. So I kind of think of the dating process of how did I get to where I'm at with this person and how do we get to a place of really connecting with another human being? Well, I can only say this for myself and that is I've spent what feels like 3,000 hours of personal development workshops, trainings, watching videos, continually working on improving myself each and every day. And yet most humans will spend more time brushing their teeth, combing their hair, going shopping for clothes, getting their nails done, playing golf instead of actually investing in themselves. And that's my invitation for everyone because if you want to find someone who's a keeper, you have to become one yourself, okay? So I'm gonna go on a side note. I said I was gonna go on a side note, here's the side note. So my girlfriend and I were watching the movie, Crazy Stupid Love the other night with Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone and Steve Carell and Juliet Moore. And Ryan Gosling is the player. He's a player and he hangs out at bars to pick up women to have sex with them for one night and he moves on. And I know many of you feel like that's how men operate, that they're only focused on sex. And yet I will tell you that as men age, while that is still prevalent for them because I'm probably the horniest guy on the planet, at least that's what my girlfriend says. There's so much more to what a man genuinely wants. And so in the movie, he, actually it's interesting because Emma, you know, he hits on Emma Stone and then she blows him off and then later she rushes towards him and takes charge and wants him. What ends up happening is they end up talking all night long and she's actually doing a lot of the talking. And what I found fascinating and this kind of leans into what makes a person a keeper is he said to her, and this is guy traditionally a player but something was different because they were genuinely talking to one another or she was doing a lot of talking and eventually he asked her, ask me a question, ask me a question. And I love that he said that because he's saying, I want you to get to know me. I want you to get to know me. Folks, I am a big proponent of radical honesty in the early stage of dating. I'm a big proponent of laying your cards on the table. Now I'm saying this because that's how my relationship accelerated instead of the mundane things of how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. To go deeper beyond the surface because if you really want to attract or if you really want to experience a healthy, deeper relationship with someone, it's gonna require going beyond the surface level questions about those things I shared earlier about the height and the hair and the status and the stability and that sort of thing to go deeper into the emotional elements of a relationship because here's the bottom line. We don't live in a world, well these days, thankfully, we're no longer dependent upon each other from a survival perspective. Most everybody can have a roof over their head and they have food in their table, okay? So we're not dependent from that perspective and I think what's happening and what's more important is connecting on an emotional level with each other to really deeply connect on an emotional level and most men are relatively poorly skilled in this. And so when Ryan Gosling said, ask me a question, he really wanted an opportunity to open up to her. And I believe men are thirsty for this from women. We are thirsty for, and I say this from women because women tend to be more connected to their emotional side, they tend to be more expressive than men. So I invite you to start leaning in if you're in a current relationship or you're in the dating process and you're just beginning to date someone, I would invite you to lean into asking deeper questions. In fact, if you need some support and help with that, that's where my area of expertise comes. I help you craft the questions based on your personality to determine if someone is really right for you. And so check out the link in the description below for a free discovery call with me because I am here to promote going deeper than the surface, to stop focusing on the swipe element of dating and actually start leaning into the more important aspects of a relationship. So I said I would share the three things that suggest that he's a keeper. And some of this is gonna be from my personal experiences. Actually, everything is gonna be based on my personal experiences. And I know a little bit if some of you are probably annoyed that it took me 10 minutes to get here, but I felt like it was important to share all that in the beginning. So you recognize how you can recognize a keeper is by doing work initially for yourself. So you can actually be able to notice those people are a keeper because I want you to be a keeper as well. So I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses. Here's my notes, bump, bump, bump. So number one, how do you know if he's a keeper? First, he's a giver and he's a receiver. Let me repeat that. He's a giver and receiver. And the reason why those are two separate things is because to be in a healthy relationship, I think it's important to be both a giver and a receiver in a relationship. Someone who has the capacity to receive love from another person. It's interesting. My girlfriend and I were having not a debate but a discussion about masculine and feminine energy. And I told her how I sometimes get irritated with the rhetoric that's being explained regarding masculine and feminine energy. In fact, we were doing a spiritual journey that this kind of amplified this. To me, masculine energy is giving and feminine energy is receiving. Giving is, and giving can be in a lot of different ways. I'm frustrated with the rhetoric out there because there's this expectation that a woman should always be in her feminine energy which means always receiving and a man is in his masculine energy and he's always giving. And can you see how imbalanced that is? I think to be a really good partner in a relationship, you're both a giver and a receiver. To be able to receive someone's energy, but to receive someone's love, it's not about paying for dates and receiving that. And it's not a man leading the process and you just sitting back in your feminine energy and let him do all the work. I'm talking about a good element of giving or receiving. So I'm gonna give you an example of this of where my partner was giving me strength. We could call that masculine or we could just call it giving strength. When I picked her up at the airport during her last visit and I'm in a long distance relationship and we spend a significant amount of time together, thankfully we have professions where we can do that. But I picked her up at the airport and when we went to go to my car, I lost my car. I mean, I just totally lost my car. And it was like, I mean, I'm shocked because this is a long story. And it took over an hour to find my car and I was losing my mind. You know what she did? She gave me her strength in that moment. She didn't judge me, she didn't criticize me, she didn't do anything. She just gave me her strength. And in that space, I was able to receive her strength. I didn't get into an argument with her. So we're both in this dynamic of giving and receiving to one another. And I'm using that particular example rather than about giving gifts and receiving gifts or paying for dates and receiving for dates. I'm talking about giving each other strength. So what we recognize between the two of us is because we've had these radical conversation, radical honesty conversations with one another. We've talked about our strengths and weaknesses and what I'm so grateful for is where I'm weak, she's strong and where she's, I don't even wanna say weak, but where she is less strong, I fill that gap. That's what I'm talking about, giving and receiving. I'm talking about how can we fill the gaps between the differences between the two of us or two people? Because ultimately, relationships are gonna have some imbalance and it's not about giving, and it's not about like, I said paying for dates isn't an imbalance. Someone who makes more money and someone who makes less more money, it's really about how can you find the differences between the two of you and then focus on where one person can give more than the other. And when a person has that capacity to both give and receive, instead of getting critical, instead of getting contempt, acting in contempt, acting in criticism, can they be open to giving and receiving? Number two, this is something I really, really admire within my partner and I believe I'm equally the same way as we're both agreeable people. Agreeable people. Now, what is it being agreeable? It's not getting into power struggles with one another. A person that gets into a power struggle with another person, oftentimes is being in a power position instead of a position of being open and receptive. So, I'm gonna give me another example of agreeableness. My girlfriend and I went to a party, some days back, a social event, outdoor barbecue. And we'd been there a couple of hours and I felt like I was ready to leave. So, I turned there and said, would you feel comfortable heading out shortly? And she said, absolutely. And I love that she said, absolutely. She just said it, like I'd love to do, I'm fine. And she was being agreeable to me. She wasn't in a controlling position. She was in a position of saying, I wanna do, what makes you happy? Well, here's what happened next. She got to starting a conversation with someone else and she turned to me and said, do you mind if we stay another half hour? And I just said, absolutely. Because I wanted to make her happy. So, this agreeableness is a two lane street with one another. In other words, it wasn't like, okay, I'm in my, I wanna leave right now. I asked her, she was being agreeable and then she asked me. And I was being agreeable. That's a great sign for two people when they can stand in that capacity to be agreeable with one another. By the way, my T-shirt says, people should stop expecting normal for me. We all know that's not gonna happen. But I just noticed that while I was looking at the camera right now. So just know that I'm a little bit, I'm a contrarian. I'm a little bit off the beaten path. My advice is contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations. So what's the third sign? Someone's a keeper. I think it's when we can actually accept another human being for who they are. And we can actually accept that person rather than trying to change them. Because what that does is it builds a sense of safety and it builds a sense of trust. When you can actually care about another person's feelings and wanna make them happy. When we can accept their feelings, we can accept them for who we are and we want them to be happy. How many times do you've noticed that men are trying to change you? How many times have you women tried to change us men? I think what's more important is to understand each other and accept each other. And it's okay to talk about the differences I mentioned before, but look at it from a perspective of how can we grow together instead of trying to change someone? You know, some people aren't good textors, okay? Some people aren't good communicators. And a lot of coaches will try to tell you, well, just say, it would feel so good if you text me every night. If you would feel so good if you did this. How about maybe just accepting that they may not be good at that and going, I'm okay with that. The problem is here in the United States, I noticed that it could be around the world. We suckle on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself instead of accepting a person for who they are and trying to change them to make yourself feel good. How about feeling good within yourself and accepting people for who they are? Now, let me be clear. I'm not talking about accepting bad behavior. I'm not talking about accepting behavior that is contrary to your own position, your values in life. I'm really talking about accepting them as human beings that are riddled with flaws. We are all riddled with flaws. And rather than judging them for it, how about working together with one another to heal each other because ultimately most people are in some sort of karmic relationships they're meant to heal with one another. And I'm here to say is you're gonna, you're going to have a better experience when we can accept each other for who you are, who you are, rather than change them. Is this sinking in, is this resonating? Please let me know, post a comment below. If it is, you find value in this video, please like it, please share it with your friends. Please subscribe and hit the bell if you wanna be notified of more videos. These are my weekend videos that are much calmer than my live stream videos. So I hope you find value in this. All right, we've talked about what makes them a keeper. And as I said in the beginning of this, this is a two lane street. These are both people being givers and receivers to be agreeable and to accepting each other. And I think when you've reached that place you probably have a keeper. All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video. I'm gonna wrap it up as I always do. First off, give myself a big check and a jar of the bear hug of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear or pillow and get, oh, a teddy bear and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye.