 All right, what's up everybody? It's Chris from the rewired soul a little bit different I'm not gonna do the whole intro and follow me and stuff like that You can if you want to but I just want to sit down man. You it's it's Tuesday. I started a new series YouTuber Tuesday um And yeah, I don't know. I'm a youtuber. I'm gonna be talking about why I you know Don't really feel comfortable getting vulnerable on YouTube anymore So I hope this helps some other youtubers, but also this is mainly for my audience and if you have any suggestions like Go ahead and leave them down below, but this is gonna be pretty much unedited. I think uncensored and One of the issues with being a youtuber is like you have like your brand right like your brand What's my brand and like YouTube was this place where it's like you're just authentic, right? You just talk how you talk you be you you just be authentically you but You know, especially just after you've been through some shit like you're worried about what you're gonna say Who's it gonna upset? But I don't know this video like I might say some things and might piss some people off and I you know It's whatever. I'm just gonna be authentic. All right. So the first thing I want to talk about is I'm making this video because I just got off the phone with my therapist and like holy shit I haven't talked to her in a month and a half two months something like that just because my schedule And her schedule just hasn't been syncing up and just Man just break through break through break through like I'm like, oh my god because I've I felt so stuck lately um, I Set up an appointment with her because I've been feeling anhedonia, right that kind of numbness That goes along with depression and everything. I thought it might be my meds everything like that and yeah, we talked through it and like I Don't know man. I can feel like alive and I'm like, holy shit Like it it feels and like any of you who have been in therapy, you know what I'm talking about feels like well Hopefully if you have a good therapist feels like just something like the gears in my brain were like clogged and just talking With her just kind of it unclog some shit and now I can Keep moving forward But the first thing I want to talk about is my therapist is a better help therapist All right, better help is a great service My therapist is a fully licensed therapist here in the state of Nevada and she's a fucking badass All right So anybody out there who still believes in the conspiracy theory that better help doesn't have real therapists like you're a schmuck Okay, you are a schmuck. So yes, I am an affiliate of better help So they actually give me free therapy because I promote, you know, their service because it's awesome But anyways, if you want to ever check them out, I always have their affiliate link down in the description below but anyways So I was talking with her and um I don't know how much I want to tell you guys because I don't want to make this video like an hour long I'm only three minutes in let's do this. So I was talking to her about the numbness, you know what I mean and this feeling and everything We were talking and she's just you know trying to open me up and figure this thing out with those questions that therapists ask you and stuff like that and um I told her like I just haven't felt passionate and motivated and things and um, I don't like that. I don't want to be I've never wanted to be just one of those people who's just mindlessly going through life and then next thing, you know, like I'm lying on my deathbed like I wanted to make a positive impact on this world and also ever since I got sober seven years ago and was almost dying like I feel like, you know, I want to do something right. I want to leave a positive impact on this world I want to help people I want to do this, but I just haven't felt motivated and one of the goals I've had and some of you who follow me on social media, you know, I've been Talking about starting my new book and everything like that and I'll just throw a spoiler out there for you So I was gonna make it. Um, originally I was gonna write it about depression But then I was like, no, no, no, I want to write about happiness, right? And I've been stuck and I was telling her You know, um, because I'm not working on anything big like just the youtube thing like I love creating I love putting videos and sharing my ideas and thoughts and everything like that but Like, uh, I'm used to working on something bigger. Like I love writing right like before youtube even started Like I wrote my first book, you know, like writing is who I am and then youtube just happened to work But I was telling her like I was gonna make the book rewire your happiness But I'm like, I haven't felt like that kind of like um that motivation that You know, I'm not just gonna write like a dull book On happiness and she's like, why'd you want to write that book? And I told her I was like I was like, you know, I've been through so much in my life And you know, I had to get sober seven years ago. My first year sober was a bitch The second year sober was harder than that for five years straight My life started going good and this year was the most difficult year of my life since I got sober And I was like, and you know what? Like I didn't relapse. Um, I wasn't, you know, suicidal and all of that And like, hold on. I told you guys I wasn't gonna edit but let me see. Uh In a minute Recording I'll go back down. Okay. Tristan just got home with groceries and she asked me if I can come down I was trying to time it so I can record this anyways That's the thing but I'll go down and I'll grab the groceries after I finish this So, uh, yeah, I was gonna make it um rewire happiness, but oh, oh, no, no, no, so Uh, I wasn't suicidal or anything like that and that's crazy for a guy like me, right? I'm a drug addict like something like like losing 20 000 subscribers having the whole world hate you Like that's something that should Drive anybody over the edge and I'm like I was telling I was like I want to help people I want to show people like you can get through shit Like no matter how hard things are going through like because most people out there They don't have to worry about picking up a drink or a drug or anything like that Like so I want to show people like if I can get through this you can get through anything So I was telling I was like, you know, and then it clicked I'm like, maybe I've been stuck and haven't started on this book Because I I shouldn't be writing rewire your happiness right now I should be working on something else and just just discussing how you can get through stuff and trying to inspire people and You know and share the strategies that I use and everything like that Um, so yeah, we kind of got there but then we were talking and Yeah, we we kind of got to this thing where, um We were talking about vulnerability and You know, like how I help people right like part of the way I help people and always have and it's what I learned when I got sober was Share your experience so you can help others And I don't know how we got to the conversation, but when I started this channel and I always thought Um That I I always thought that I did a good job You know sharing my experience like I'm a crazy person just like all of you I'm just less crazy than I used to be, you know what I mean? I thought I did a good job explaining that and Uh for forever since I've had my channel and even when I was working in the rehab center like It was no problem Sharing and getting vulnerable and and being like, yo, I'm going through this too and everything like that and you know, whatever And I was always making videos like that as well And it's been ever since everything happened back in march or or april It's been hard to do that, right? And I'm like why like why like why am I stuck? Why am I afraid? To get vulnerable on camera. I was like I've I've shared my story like my addiction recovery story in front of hundreds of people at uh You know mental health conferences and at the rehab center everything like that I've shared my addiction story on youtube in front of thousands of people and everything like that, right? So i'm like so what the fuck is wrong with me? Why why can't I do that? and Yeah, like just talking with her. I'm like I I know what it is. I know what it is. See see back in the day when I started this channel when I started, you know, um I'm sharing at the you know, uh running groups and everything at the rehab like I did that and it inspired other people like look like I'm a I'm a straight Dude, you know, whatever with a beard and everything and I can hop in front of people and get vulnerable And talk about mental health and some things that other people Don't talk about and it inspires other people to open up and talk about that, right? So The thing is it's like ever since everything happened I have this like fear in my head because now when I hop on a video And get vulnerable. I have this massive fear and it's so fucking stupid I have this massive fear that if I sit down on camera and get real get honest get vulnerable I'm gonna have a bunch Of little assholes coming in and saying oh look at this guy just playing the victim Right, and it's dumb that I even let that bother me You know and like I said a lot of you who've uh been Watching the last week or two like I'm trying to make sure I provide you guys with value and everything like that And like why am I worried about them when my goal is to help you? You know what I mean, but I'm so worried about me getting vulnerable on camera and people saying I'm playing the victim and Oh my god. He doesn't take any responsibility Just all this dumb shit, right? So what I do for kind of this like safety cushion thing is You know, I have one of my mentors asking me yesterday. He was like, uh He's like chris is like, why do you still make videos, you know Using youtubers as topics and then talking about mental health. He's like that hasn't been working for you for months or whatever And uh, you know part of it be completely honest like part of it is I know a lot of you You you you came here from that right and that's how you learn and everything, you know So like that is a learning technique that works like oh I can relate to that youtuber Here let's learn about mental health, but what I kind of realized today was Part of that's a safety net like if I use a youtuber as a topic Then I don't have to fully You know just sit here and talk my own experience, right? But then there's the other group of assholes who comes in and says So in my mind is kind of this damned if you do damned if you don't situation So that's why I haven't been sitting here and getting like real and just you know Just doing this like a traditional mental health channel, but uh, but I'm gonna start Trying to do that more and everything and I put up a poll the other day um There were some asshole comments on it uh But anyways, I was like what topics do you guys want me to talk about depression anxiety trauma, you know, whatever um And I think I did another poll Because november's coming up and it's like national writers month And I was gonna start daily blogging and everything like that and Like I want to blog and just share my experience and hopefully Help others and let you know like hey, here's what I'm going through and here's what I'm doing to get through it Get over like therapy, you know, um meditation keeping active keeping busy You know something that I really want to discuss in a video is How do you get shit done When you don't want to get shit done, right? Like one of the biggest symptoms of depression is this lack of motivation But like I keep moving forward. I keep doing things I keep making videos I keep working on other projects and everything like that You know what I'm saying? So there's a lot that I want to share whether it's in video Whether it's in blog form or whatever like one of the reasons I want to blog is just get back into the writing mode so that I can Start writing a book um again and everything like that But I did want to sit down and discuss like Just a little bit about what's going on with me and why I make the videos I make or why I don't make certain videos But I'm gonna try to do better Uh at that and just not letting the assholes bother me as much You know what I mean, uh, but recently I um, you know I made that really smart decision to unblock everybody and it hasn't been that bad Like I'm not like in all seriousness. It hasn't been that bad I thought it was gonna be way worse But I unblocked everybody and it did open up this like demonic floodgate of dick heads Who come in and talk shit, but whatever but I um, I haven't been as active in the comments because of that like Hell we're being honest. We're being vulnerable I have not been in the comment section as much as usual because People come in just talking shit and like I really I really like I said like Us youtubers. We got to find this balance with being authentic But sometimes like when I see those comments and one of the reasons I don't read them Because I see it and I just want to tell people to go fuck themselves You know what I mean, and that's probably not brand friendly for my brand because I'm the mental health guy But I'm not that kind of mental health guy like I'm a human with feelings and emotions And I don't like when people are assholes like I'll end with this. I was telling my my uh My therapist this um If anybody says chris is playing the victim Here's the part where they're gonna say that I was telling my therapist right before we got off the phone I'm like it just bothers me because I'm just a dude who wakes up in the morning I want to help people with their mental health. That's it But for some reason people just won't stop fucking with me You know, um, and I get it like uh, you know, I have my style I have my tone and everything I've pissed some people off and everything like that But at the end of the day like there's all these like crazy conspiracy theories out there about why I do What I do But like the the 1000 honest truth is I like Helping people. You know what I mean? So That's it. But anyways, uh, yeah, if you have any suggestions comments, uh, if there's any topics that you want me to cover um You guys have really been into videos where I just Kind of share what's going on like, um, so I don't know. I I I want to make a commitment to myself to kind of Do more of these and challenge myself and take risks and kind of get out of that mindset of like, oh no, I'm worried about miserable assholes on the internet saying I'm playing a victim You know what I mean? So I'm gonna try to challenge myself more and sit down and do some videos like this. All right, anyways That's all I got. Happy Tuesday I'll see y'all tomorrow