 Everyday woman, woman, woman, in every way, yeah, yeah, I'm living my life, life, life, living day by day. Welcome to Every Way Woman. There are some major changes happening in the talk show world. Live from Los Angeles, here's Every Way Woman. Face those imperfections. How do you do it, Cheryl? Well, you know what, I'm fortunate to have been blessed with a very, very healthy dose of confidence. So, quite frankly, I don't let mine bother me all that much. A funny story I think of is, you know, a while back, my ex-boyfriend and I, and he's my boyfriend at the time, we were, you know, hanging out on the couch at my place and we decided we wanted to go grab some dinner. And so, we looked like, we left the house looking like we just came off the couch. We were couch potatoes. We were couch potatoes. And then we drove into town and we saw this restaurant, the Goucho Grill, and we decided, you know, why don't we just go in? So, we went in there knowing good and well, we looked like crud, but we sat down and we had a meal. And since then, it became a tradition of ours to actually go back to that restaurant and intentionally look like crap. And it didn't matter because it's like, you know... Wait, wait, hold on. She said she wanted to go to the restaurant and look like a brother. The restaurant was okay. Downtown Long Beach. She didn't have a reservation. Oh, she got the table. No reservation? Look, I barely had shoes on. You know, I find it really interesting, though, because it's coming from the fashion industry as a model where a lot of times these differences or these imperfections were celebrated as uniqueness. You know, their eyes are a little too close together. They've got this gap tooth and all this and their exotic beauties. And for me and most of the women, I know, we look at ourselves in the mirror. We think, ugh, you know, something's wrong with me. I hate this. I've got to change that. I wonder how much it costs for a nose job. How old do I have to be to start my Botox? I mean, I see everything that's wrong with me. And it's really hard to think that those are things that make me individual or that I should celebrate. I think sometimes that it starts with our parents and our brothers and our siblings and our family. That's true. Because growing up, I had a grandmother and I loved her dearly now that she's gone. That was a happy thought. Thank God bless her soul. Bless your grandmother. Oh my God. But one of the things she used to say all the time is as I was getting older, you know, I have freckles. And I had them a lot as a kid and she would look at me and she would look at me and go, ugh. You know, and then she'd move on. And that was her thing. We have a lot in common, Madison. Because my grandma used to tell me, you know, I used to love popsicles and like ice cream sandwiches. And she'd be like, girl, you're going to be as big as this house, girl. Because I have a big booty. Yes, yes. And if I can get my booty sucked, I would. Just a little bit. And some people want to keep their stuff, but I would like to get mine sucked up a little bit. But she used to say, you know what? You keep eating those ice cream sandwiches, you want to be as big as this house. And I was skinny as a tool thing. I lived in San Francisco. I walked up hills and mountains. Oh my God. Did it give you the complex? Were you worried about being imperfect enough? Mm-hmm. As far as my booty. I think it does. It plays with you a little bit. I mean, now that I'm older, you know, my daughter has like, she's, you know, and she has a little pop belly. And I'm like, ooh, you know, but I try not to make up a song or tell her not to eat popsicles. I really wanted to enjoy it. Make up a song. There was a mom, she used to make up a song like, ooh, that big belly. And so. And she does the same thing. She gets that when they get eight years old. Kyle, your niece does the same thing to you. Oh, she does the same thing to me the other day. She's only two. And she was singing to your belly. She was singing to my belly. All right, my son was about four, about a year ago. And I'm a fit person. I consider myself to be extremely fit. And my son looked at me and I had gotten a little chubby. I was kind of depressed. I just started my divorce. And my son looked at me and touched my belly and he goes, having another baby mommy. Oh. You touched your belly? Yeah. And he's going, you have another baby mommy. And I went, oh my gosh. What am I going to do? I think of my whole point to like, my niece doing that to me. And like, let's get real. I lost 160 pounds. Yeah. Yeah. Obviously. Thank you. But obviously that was my, like I have a lot of imperfections and that's one of them because I still, I still struggle with that, you know? But at the same time, I can't be looking at all my imperfections. I, I've learned to embrace them. Right. And that is one of the reasons that I ended up, you know, being on the cover of that magazine that actually took. And I said, okay, you know, because, you know, you celebrated those curbs. But what's the stereotype of being on a cover? Skinny, right? Yeah. And I, yeah. You know, I, of course, I don't. And I got a little, I have a vocal of a body but I would lug my hips and like just, my booty just, they get, maybe that's, I'm still on that thing. Right, you are. To get like a little burn. Like, I want the muscle, I want muscle there. You want to be less minutes in your hourglass? Yeah. What do we do? It jiggles sometimes. But I, I was teased. I was teased. But sometimes, sometimes women look at, generally speaking, they did a survey. Women look at what's attractive and we tend to look at what's on the thin side, including our men. But men look at what's attractive, they tend to look on what's on the heavy side. Men don't look at cosmopolitan and go, that girl's hot. That is not true. You know, you know what I think is really interesting though in this conversation is that when we are referring to imperfections, we are all talking about our bodies. And that's really telling of where our focus is because none of us have talked about our imperfections and you know, our habits or our personalities or our lifestyles. Very true. What are you talking about? Yeah, exactly. I mean, I don't have any. That's a good point. That's a good point. But you know, because it does start from the outside because a lot of times what we feel on the inside is what we reflect and see on the outside. That's why we focus on the outside because it's the easiest thing to hit first in terms of work. I feel like I'm in therapy right now. They told me to look in the mirror. My therapist at one point did say that. He said, you know, when you look in the mirror, what you're seeing and when you see these imperfect reflections is really just what you're struggling and what you're fearing and those are the imperfections that we have to deal with. That's the only way we're ever going to really embrace and love the perfection in our own perfection. You know what? Now that I'm older though, I don't really want to take that much ice cream sandwiches. I mean, because I know the outcome is my big but. But I liked what Anna was saying earlier because sometimes what can be perceived as an imperfection is what makes you beautiful. Wow. So it is kind of learning for yourself because if we look at ourself in pieces, we can all break each other apart and break ourselves apart. But what does it look like as a whole? And what does it feel like as a whole? But if I was to like look at myself and pinpoint out an imperfection that doesn't have to do with my looks, it would probably be that I'm too hard on myself. Wow. I'm too hard on myself. And that's true. And I had to have somebody here tell me that. So I realized that. I was like, oh man, she's right. Well if it makes you feel any better, I did make a New Year's Resolution to drive around with a clean car. Inside and out. Wow. Not doing so well with that. Thank you. This is a shiny car at the valet. We'll be right back. Coming up next, more Every Way Woman. You think being a mom and a wife is easy? We have Danielle here to let us know. Welcome back to Every Way Woman with Danielle Addisi for Real Moments with Real Mom. Danielle Addisi, you've just had a baby about a year ago. Yeah, yes. You had a fourth of July baby. Yep. What was that like? Oh man. Well actually, I was afraid that when I approached the due date, I would be very afraid. But I just, it was so miserable. By the end, you're just so grateful. You didn't even celebrate. Oh thank God, yeah. My family came out and they were all just waiting. It was a week after the due date. I was afraid they were going to have to go. And it was just, I was really glad when it went into labor. How was Holiday in Staff because it's the fourth of July? Yeah. It was the first and then we stayed until the third. So by the fourth of July, we were able to watch from our own home the fireworks and that was really, really wonderful. So this is your first year of motherhood. Yeah. What would you say is the most rewarding part about it? Man, when she cuddled, she's a very active child. She hardly ever sits still. So when she finally calms down and takes that moment to really appreciate me and you know that look in her eyes, nothing is like that in the entire world. Was there something within this first year that you didn't expect? Like, we all get the book, moms get that book. What to expect when you're expecting. But then there are things we don't expect. So was there something that you didn't expect? Yes. When I became, you know, when I was pregnant, I knew there would be days where I was very overwhelmed. I knew there would be late nights. There would be hard moments. What really struck me was that it never ends. And just, it's like a marathon. You know, I was ready for some sprints, but it doesn't ever slow down. So, yeah, and that was really difficult with my family not being around. They live in Wisconsin. I moved to L.A. about two years ago. So that was a big surprise. So your metropolitan lady married? Yes. Yes. And how was it with your husband? Now you've been married how long? Two and a half years. Pretty earlier than we expected. Yeah. But, I mean, it's amazing. Yeah, he is absolutely incredible. Surviving in the city together does put some strain, especially with the baby. We've really worked hard to be supportive, but it's hard when you look at each other and you see just the tiredness in the eyes. It's difficult. Yeah. Now, what would you say is the thing that you've done, but he's done for you that has really something you didn't expect? Wow. He, gosh, he's done so many things. Everything from just housework, that's something that wasn't really expecting him to do. Are you working? I am. Yeah. When I, first I went back to work at six weeks. I work at Starbucks for the health insurance benefits and he earns the income. But, I went back at six weeks. I was working 35 hour work weeks. I was kind of slowly, I've become more honest with myself. At the beginning I was like, I can do this. What does that mean when you said you became more honest with yourself? You know, I realized that you can do only so much. You can do a million things, but you can't necessarily do them well. Is that because you didn't feel like, sometimes you hear that, oh, the super mom, I can do this, I can do that, we can do everything. Did you feel like the challenge was over? Yeah, well, it should be completely honest, the way I would get through on the days that I would qualify as super mom was a ton of coffee and that really had a detrimental effect on nursing. So you nursed your baby? I did, I nursed my baby. It was amazing. And difficult. I thought it would be amazing. The first three months or so was not that amazing. At one point I thought, I remember I was supposed to love this, but it just hurts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, and I thought right after the baby was born, I'm done, and it was incredibly painful. It kept going. Yes, just a surprise. Now, you seem like you're in pretty good shape. And how was that for you coming out of getting back to the main flow of things? What about your body? See, this is, I'm not back to what I was and that's difficult for me. My strategy tends to be whenever I have a little bit, my life is a little bit saner, I'll do cleanses because there's less to think about. I know a more consistent approach is probably longer-term lasting. Like exercise? Oh, exercise. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exercises. You know what? You just joined the Y and that has been absolutely incredible. I love that you said that, that you joined the Y. I think it's wonderful. I'm so happy that you could do that. Yeah. Well, and I didn't know, I didn't realize the impact of two hours of childcare a day. That's the only moment I get to myself in a day. So, that's been huge. Yes. So it is. It's challenging being a new mom and being honest with yourself about what their approaches are. Not everything about being a new mom is a dream. But thank you, Danielle, for coming here and sharing your truth to childbearing, childrearing. Is there any advice you'd like to give to our audience? Yeah. I would just say that I would encourage you to feel like you have permission to feel like you can do less and still be supermom. Do less and still be supermom. Thank you. After this commercial break, more Every Way Woman. Are you an Every Way Woman? Today, Dr. Sherry Thomas is going to give us a little information about menopause. Or, as my mother told me, the change. Do people still refer to it as the change? Oh, yes. Wow. Tell me, what is the problem? Why do women have a difficult time accepting menopause? Well, it's not just the word menopause. It's the changes that go on in the physiology of our body. And one of the biggest problems is the change in the body. So those personal summers, hot flashes cause us to not sleep at night. And as a result, we have some personality changes. It causes us not to think well. Women multitask all the time. Right. First two weeks of our menstrual cycle, lots of estrogen, lots of multi-task. And we do a good job at it, my ass. But when we go through menopause, it just really destroys our ability to have reserve and to think and to really deal with all those issues we deal with when we're having periods. So in addition to hot flashes, personal summers and not sleeping, what are some of the other symptoms of menopause? Well, drier skin, especially in the vaginal area, which causes pain with sexual activity or may cause more bladder infections. Osteoporosis, we also catch up with men with heart disease 15 years later because that's going through the chain. And our body, just the physiology is that we just start aging a little faster. And as women, we just hate aging anyway. And so I think that's why women have such a negative connotation about menopause is like, now I'm really going to age. You know, I agree with that. I think that is why women do because you come to terms with I'm getting older and there's something about aging that just kind of messes with our psyche. And I think that's why women don't address this menopause to change aging. What are some of the health risks? Well, let's let's back up to how we can go through menopause without the health risks. And that is let's start about taking good care of ourselves. Making sure we see our physician every year keep our cholesterol and blood pressure and glucose under control. Not smoking, exercise, eat well and have a nice social life with our friends and our family. And that's why menopause there's a lot of things we can do without hormones. And we know as Pujo will help the hot flashes but how can we get through it? Well, let's keep our weight down let's cut down on the alcohol especially at night because that will really increase the hot flashes. So you're saying a little nip at night is not good for the ladies? A little nip with dinner is fine but a little nip before you're going to go to bed it really cools your body down take a little little cool not cold shower or go in the pool. Let me ask you this as my doctor you will help me through this process what should I be looking for or how would you help me if I come in and I say I'm going through the change how will you help me or how should I know that my doctor is my advocate to menopause? Well, I want to ask you symptoms and specifically which symptoms you're having hot flashes, problems thinking problems concentrating dry skin pain with sexual activity and then I want to ask you how much does that bothering you? How much is that affecting your life? If you tell me you know I have a few hot flashes here and there but it's not a problem I'll say well let's just see how you do but let me know if it comes worse and if you say I am so overwhelmed that's why I'm here today I'll say let's talk about how we can change Now what about premenopause because there's the notion of some people who are close to me that started their menopause are the change in their late 30s early 40s or even in their mid 30s Yes, that happened we call that premature ovarian failure our ovaries produce estrogen and release follicles at a time that's genetically predetermined basically when our mother goes through the change we will but some women their body doesn't pay attention to that and so in their 20s, 30s they just stop producing estrogen and that is very significant and very upsetting for them because we know as women between 45 and 55 we're going to go through the change but when women start doing that at 25 first of all it may take them a few doctors to really diagnose what's going on no, it's not a thyroid problem no, you're not having some infection no, you are going through the change and then we start treating it appropriately because I know you talked about some of the health risks by not going to the doctor so if I'm having those symptoms what should I do tomorrow? what should I do tomorrow? I'm hot flashing what should I do tomorrow? so if you're having hot flashes and you say gee, I didn't sleep well get a fan out take a little cool shower go swim at E4 don't drink the alcohol not high spicy food see how you get through the night if you feel like the next day I'm still just rung out I'm miserable I can't go to the meeting every time I sit through a meeting I'm drenched I just feel beat red and uncomfortable go see your doctor the fastest, quickest way to get rid of hot flashes is taking that well, hopefully a lot of people will be making doctor appointments today listen, ladies in order to take care of others you have to take care of yourself if you're having a personal summer get a little hot flash or just not sleeping well you could be starting to change stay tuned, everywaywoman we'll be right back everywaywoman gives back to the community go to everywaywoman.com to find out how you can match our donations of undergarments for needy kids thanks for getting to know everywaywoman I'm an everyday woman woman woman in every way yeah yeah I'm living my living day by day