 Happy Father's Day everybody. This video is dedicated to any parent out there who is currently struggling with their alcohol or drug addiction or anybody who is in early recovery. I'm here to provide you with some hope. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and it is Father's Day and I was debating on what type of video to do. I even forgot that it was Father's Day but my son got me a beautiful gift. I'm like oh yeah so I decided to make a Father's Day video and do me a favor please please share this video with anybody you know who is struggling with addiction, who is a parent out there or anybody who is in early recovery. Like man being a parent in early recovery is one of the most difficult things and I'm gonna talk a little bit about my experience of what it was like and the things I did and how much better it is now. All right so I just kind of want to start this story off by talking a little bit about my addiction. So first and foremost being the son of an alcoholic mom I never thought that I would drink or use which obviously that happened okay. My idea was as soon as my son was gonna be born I was gonna stop but I couldn't. I couldn't stop even for my son and I started to realize like what my mom was going through so I didn't actually get clean and sober until my son was three years old and as I was in my active addiction I felt like an absolute terrible human being a terrible parent because I had all these ideas of what a good parent is supposed to be and I was none of those things so even though I was seeing my son because me and his mom had split up like even though I was there I wasn't there because I was getting drunk or high and this kid he only wanted to do was play with me and man like the the two instances that I remember that really just made me feel like a piece of garbage was I remember being in the bathroom crushing up and snorting pills while my son is just knocking on the door like all he wanted to do was play he missed me he wanted to spend time with me and I'm in there just snorting drugs you know what I mean but there was another time where it was early in the morning and I went to go meet my drug dealer and I had my son and so he's two three years old and he's in the car seat and he was just hungry he just said you know daddy I'm hungry I want food I want food I'm like just hang on hang on daddy just has to meet a friend real quick and if you have drug dealers like I did like they never show up on time and we're sitting there we waited for like two hours as this kid is in the car seat just hungry and I'm like just wait a little bit longer wait a little bit longer and I'm sitting there just dying inside just knowing like this is not what a good parent does you know what I mean and we sat there and we waited and we waited so towards the end of my addiction and it's crazy six years ago today you know like it was around father's day okay I didn't get sober until June 23rd so if I stay clean until next Saturday I'll have six years clean so I've been thinking a lot about that time back then and man the last four months before I got sober I was not allowed to see my son I wasn't allowed to see my son for four months and you would think you would think that a parent would just stop using they would just stop drinking they would get well so they could see their kid again but that's not what happened to me all it did was make me more depressed and it made me drink and use even more I remember when I was laying in the hospital bed and my family was begging me to stop my kids mom was there crying begging me to stop my crazy brain in my addiction thought that my son would be better off with a dead father than a junky father like that's how crazy this addiction is okay but as some of you know who follow my channel I ended up going to California my mom took me there and I ended up cleaning up now I share this story because I work at a rehab center and I guess so many people who come in from out of state and I try to convince them don't go back home do not go back home because it will be a quick path to relapse I don't mean never go back home but build a foundation build a very strong foundation and I tell them this because I stayed in California for 15 months 15 months because that's how important my recovery was to me and it's difficult it was the hardest thing I ever had to do because every paternal instinct is saying you got to go back home you got to be with your son you got to be with your son but I had to sit there and realize like if I go back if I go back home too soon I'm gonna die and this kid is going to lose a father so as difficult as it was I had to stay in California and continue working on myself like I can't stress enough I was in a I was in a great situation because my son has an amazing mother and her family is amazing and they were taking care of my son while I was trying to get better okay and it sucked because anytime she would call me and tell me that he was sick or he was sad or he was upset like everything in me was like Chris you got to go back home you got to be there for him but I had to get rid of my delusion of control like being there with him like I'm not a doctor I couldn't save him I couldn't give him medicine you know all I could do is be there to comfort him but I had to remember he has the comfort that he needs back home and this was difficult you know like I have people who are in early recovery and they're like oh no I got to get back because I'm I got to be there for Christmas or I got to be there for my kids graduation or this soccer game or whatever it is like let me make it clear because I put my sobriety first I missed literally every single holiday with my son Father's Day Halloween Thanksgiving Christmas his birthday is New Year's Eve so right after that I missed his birthday like I missed every annual landmark event with my son because I was focusing on my recovery and you know what if I had to do it all over again I would 1000 times over because like I said it built my foundation I was able to focus on myself I was able to dive in deep and realize all the things that were leading me to drink and use and I learned a bunch of different tools to overcome that all right so after about 15 months I decided you know it's time to move back to Las Vegas become an adult again start being a father to my son and it was tough it was hard even with over a year and a half sober my kid's mom still didn't fully trust me like I was allowed to see him but I wasn't allowed to like have him sleep over you know and things like that because she still didn't fully trust that I was going to stay clean and I couldn't blame her you know I was upset I was hurt and all these things because you know a year and a half sober like why don't you trust me yet but I had to remember I gave her so many reasons to not trust me and not believe in me and this is what I try to teach people who are in early recovery who are like but my family doesn't trust me why does my family trust me why are they still mad at me I can't stress enough your actions speak louder than words okay I was putting in the work I was putting in a ton of work and when I moved back she started to see like oh wow he's taking his sobriety seriously he's going to meetings he's working on himself but it wasn't just the fact that I was going out and doing things and working and stuff like that she saw the change in me she saw that I was the type of father who would show up when he said he was going to show up you know what I mean she can count on me now see I often thought that my kid's mom only hated me because of my uh drinking and using no no no no that wasn't the case she hated me because I was an a**hole all right I was unreliable I lied all the time these are the things that made her hate me that's why I have to teach people that getting sober is just the bare minimum we have to do more we have to become better people like now my life is amazing and like I said I would do it all over again a million times because now I'm coming up on six years sober and my son is actually right there in the other room I'm spending father's day with my son my son loves hanging out with me we get to go see movies together we get to play together build Legos together in fact look what he got me for father's day this beautiful little Thanos brickhead right and we get to do stuff and his mom trusts me now like um next week for my birthday uh my son my girlfriend and I were gonna go visit my best friend down in Southern California and we get to go to Corgi beach day I might vlog it I'm not sure but it's all because of my recovery and because I realized that I had to put my recovery first like when people said you have to put your recovery above everything else I'm like you're crazy you're crazy how can I put my recovery ahead of my son that is my son but logically when we look back at it when my recovery isn't ahead of my son I don't get to see my son that's why I have to prioritize it so I always have to be focused on my sobriety and staying clean and staying sober so my son has a father in his life all right but like I said I wanted to make this video because there's so many people in early recovery who who give up they leave because the first three months the first six months the first year are difficult some of you are dealing with custody battles some of you can't see your child you know all these things don't give up the only thing that they promised to me was Chris as long as you stay sober one day at a time and each day you try to better yourself just a little bit they promise me that everything will get better they didn't give me a time they didn't say on this day everything will be better they just guaranteed that it will be better and it did it stayed better and it continues to as long as I stay clean there's a saying in the meetings where they say don't leave before the miracle happens and it breaks my heart on a regular basis how many times I see people leave before that miracle happens just stick it out rely on your support system listen to stories of other people about the work they put in into themselves and their recovery and I promise you too that things will get better okay but anyways like I said please do me a favor share this with any parent you know even if they're not an addict or an alcoholic share this with them if they're going through a tough time dealing with custody or anything like that share this with them to maybe give them some hope okay but if you like this video please give it a thumbs up and if you are new here not only do I make videos about addiction recovery but I'm always making videos to help you out with your mental and emotional well-being click that little round subscribe button and if you want to check out some more content on my channel you can click or tap on one of those thumbnails all right thank you so so much for watching happy father's day and I'll see you next time