 The Craft Foods Company presents the Great Gilder Sleeve. It's the Great Gilder Sleeve starring Harold Perry, brought to you by the Craft Foods Company, makers of a complete line of famous quality food products. It's a fact long recognized in the Gilder Sleeve household that if you want to catch the old boy in a pleasant mood, catch him when he's sitting down to dinner. And right there is where we catch him this evening. He has just tucked his napkin into his vest, beamed upon his little family, and cracked a medium-sized joke. From Marjorie, all he gets is... Oh, Anki. But from Leroy. Jokes on. It's not as funny as all that. I thought it was funny. Crackers, please, Marjorie. Oh, say, Anki, before I forget it... Well, never mind. I'll wait until you finish your soup. What is it, my boy? No, go ahead. I don't want to interrupt you. I am perfectly capable of eating and listening at the same time, Leroy. It's an old trick handed down to me by my father. Principal today, she... Miss Goodwin? Yeah, she wonders if she could have a talk with you. She does, eh? What does Miss Goodwin wish to talk to me about, Leroy? Please. I knew it. Where is this note? What's in it? Why are you keeping it from me? I'm not keeping it from you. I've got it right here somewhere. That's funny. Yeah, I did have it. Gosh. Leroy. The other pocket, Leroy. Oh, Liz, Anki. No. Yeah, yeah. Why don't you mind your own business? Why did you pretend you didn't have it? None of that. Leroy, this note is addressed to me. How does it happen that you're familiar with its contents? I didn't read it, Anki. Honestly, you can ask anybody if I did. How did you know then that Miss Goodwin wants to have a talk with me? Something told me. Ask him what he did that made her write the note. I will ask my own questions, Marjorie. Thank you without any help from you. What did you do, Leroy, that made her write the note? Answer me. Miss Goodwin says here that some of your social attitudes require adjusting. What does that mean? She claims I was picking on the girls. Well, were you? Well, that's not the point. It is, too, the point. Now, were you or were you not picking on the girls? Well, I wasn't the only one. Piggy was in it, and so was Walter May. And Donald Rosenberg, he's terrible. He doesn't do anything the teacher tells him. Never mind, Donald Rosenberg. What exactly did you do? We raided the girls' playground. And he broke up their games. Go on. Funny when he told me about it. I'll handle this, Marjorie. Why did you do this, Leroy? I don't know. You must have had some reason. Why did you do it? Why? Because girls think. That's a fine thing to say. It just happened, young man, that your sister is a girl. Now, you apologize to her this very instant. Go ahead. Apologize. I'm sorry. The trouble with you is you spend all your time with boys. You haven't learned yet how to behave in the presence of a lady. There's high time you did. Have you answered that invitation yet? What's that? Oh, why doesn't she mind her own business? Leroy, apologize to your sister. I just did. Apologize again. Oh, for corn's sake. I apologize. Now, what's this about an invitation, Leroy? He got it a week ago, and he hasn't had the decency to answer it yet. I think he might at least tell a girl, yes or no. Well, I haven't made up my mind. That's no way to do. What kind of a party is this, Leroy? Birthday party. Birthday party? Why, that sounds like fun. You'll go to it then. Now, now, who's giving the party, my boy? Ethel Hammerslog. Why, Ethel's a nice little girl. I walked home with her father just the other night. Harry Hammerslog, a very pleasant fellow. I think you ought to go. I don't want to. Why not, for goodness' sake? Piggy says they're going to have dance and... That's nothing to be scared of? Why, Marjorie and I will teach you how to dance. Won't we, Marjorie? Will we? Huh? Dance with her? Go to this party or not is entirely up to you, Leroy. But I will tell you this. If you don't go, you'll spend the time right here at home. You don't go off the property, understand? And what's more, you'll mow the entire lawn front and back. All right, I'll mow the lawn. No, you won't. You'll go to the party. Now, Leroy, you're going to enjoy this. Anyone who enjoys outdoor sports as much as you do will enjoy a helpful exercise like dancing. Well, you will. Now, first, Marjorie and I will dance a little for you. Then, well, just to give you an idea first, then you can try it. Come on, let's get some music here. What have we got in the way of dance records, Marjorie? Okay, honestly, there's nothing decent. Don't tell me. Here, what's this? Uh, whispering. Larry Rose and his rose buddies, Foxtrot. What's the matter with that? Where do you hear it? You're too critical. Come on, let's show Leroy the Foxtrot, my dear. What the heck is the Foxtrot? It's the easiest dance there is, my boy, just like walking. Ready, Marjorie? Oh, the music. Pull that rug back, Leroy. You're not playing a room. Pull back the rug. When I Foxtrot, I like to cover a lot of ground. Watch my feet. One, two, three, four. One, two, three. Pardon me, my dear. One, two, three, four. It's exactly the same. Only you add a little variety as you get more skillful. Now, watch this. Yeah! See, that's how you turn, Leroy. Let's stop the music for a minute. Now, Leroy, I want you to try it. No. No, no time like the present. Gosh. No nonsense now. Dance. I'll start the music again. Put his arm around her waist and where you're standing. I'll move in closer. What? This is your own sister? No, I don't mind. It's done. Now, get hold of her. It's not so bad. You're doing fine, Leroy. Just don't walk forward. Just steer around in a circle, my boy. Count, Leroy. One, two, three. He's out of step with the music. Count found it, Leroy. Can't you hear the orchestra? Are you kidding? He's busy now, and he can't... Wait a minute. Who is this? It's for you, Leroy. Miss Ethel Hammerslag. Hi. Leroy, she can hear you. Oh, for corn's sake. Gosh, if you knew how she pesters me. Leroy, she can hear you. She can hear you, too. Hush. Oh, hypocrite. My George, I can't let him get away with this. Leroy, give me that telephone. Just a minute, Ethel. What's the matter, hon? Just give me that telephone. Hello, Ethel. This is Mr. Gillesleve. I'm sorry to hear about your mother. May I speak to your father for a moment? Thank you. It's tough about the party, isn't it, honk? Ha. Hello, Harry. Gillesleve. Say, it's a darn shame about Mrs. Hammerslag. Touch of flu? Glad it's not serious. Just the same, it's too bad Ethel has to miss her birthday party. I was wondering if she couldn't come over and spend tomorrow afternoon with Leroy anyway. Leroy, let go of my leg. Leroy. Leroy, so disappointed. I thought maybe we could have a little party just for the two of us. Let go of my leg. And that would take Ethel off your hands while her mother's sick. And at the same time, the kids will have a lot of fun. That'll be fine, Harry. I'll take you to the rest. Goodbye. Now, on with the dance. The Great Gillesleve will be back in just a minute. You haven't heard me recently on the subject of parquet margarine. And it's about time you got back to my favorite spread for bread, Mr. Lang. I'd like to know why parquet is so hard to find in the food stores. Well, that's just what I was about to explain. You see, there is a terrific shortage of all spreads for bread. And there's an especially big demand for delicious, flavor-fresh parquet margarine. So, despite the fact that Kraft is making all the parquet margarine possible, under present conditions, there simply isn't enough to go around. And is this shortage likely to continue, Mr. Lang? It looks that way now. That's why, for the present, you may not be able to buy all the parquet margarine you'd like. Kraft will continue to see that each food dealer gets his fair share of all the parquet that's produced. And your dealer will see that you get your fair share, too, of this nourishing spread that tastes so good on bread, hot toast, rolls, and waffles. So be sure to keep asking for P-A-R-K-A-Y, parquet margarine, the quality spread for bread made by the Kraft Foods Company. Well, Gilder Sleeve appears to have got himself into something again. He intended just to invite the daughter of his friend, Harry Hammerschlag, over to spend the afternoon with Leroy. But he winds up at the last minute trying to make a party out of it. There you are, Mr. Gilder Sleeve. One quart of vanilla. And like me to put a wooden spoon in with it. Oh, I'm not eating it myself, Peeley. Leroy's giving a little birthday party this afternoon. Leroy? Birthday party? How many birthdays does Leroy have a year? This isn't Leroy's birthday. He's giving the party for Ethel Hammerschlag. And it isn't a party, exactly, just Leroy and Ethel. But I thought I'd try to doll it up a little bit and give them a good time. Say, you haven't got any favors or anything like that, have you? You know, it's remarkable, you see that. Huh? A man came in here just last week, a salesman. And I said to him, well, hello, I'm a sucker, but put me down for a dozen just the same. A dozen what? The snappers. You know, the paper snapper with the motto and the funny hat and the thing you pull that goes bang. Just the thing? Let's see him. Well, if you would just step over into this department. Yes, the essentials are beginning to trickle through now, one by one, armies releasing things. These are the first snappers I've seen since the war. You're not going to tell me these are army surplus. No. No, I believe these represent reconversion. Yes. You see, they're the standard pink with the customary ruffle at each end. Only they have the added feature of the little Santa Claus sticker on there. And that accounts for this right increase in price. Increase? That 20 apiece used to be 10. Will you sell them for 10 without the Santa Claus? I'm sorry, Mr. Gildesley. But I don't want the Santa Claus. It isn't even a season for Santa Claus. I'm sorry, Mr. Gildesley, but that's reconversion. Well, I only need two. I guess 40 cents won't break me. You say they got something inside? Paper hat, yeah, and mottos. Mottos? Yeah, clever things and so on. Are they suitable for children? I imagine so. You imagine so? Don't you know? Well, I haven't actually... I don't want Ethel Hammerslock going home with something that'll make her mother refuse to speak to me. Oh, that wouldn't be too simple. You're not going to sell me a pig in a poke, Bebe. If you don't know what's inside, we'll open one up. Well, Mr. Gildesley, if everyone who buys a snapper buys a pig in a poke, that's the only fun there is seeing what's inside. Open one up. I'll pay for it. Here, grab ahold of the other end of this. Now pull on it. Pull, Pee-Vee. Pee-Vee, pull, will you? You, Mr. Gildesley, when these things go off, they'll make me so darn nervous. Oh. Here, give it to me. What's inside, Mr. Gildesley? Well, wait till I get it open, will you? Well, I was about to see what's inside. Hmm. Don't cap. Hey, you can have that, what I want is this. Can't be changed. Eh, roses are red, violets are blue. I love the girls and the girls love me. Yeah. Wait a minute, it doesn't rhyme. Doesn't it? What kind of a motto is that, Pee-Vee? It doesn't even rhyme. How can anybody... Uh-huh. It says here, made in Japan. So, reconversion, eh? Pee-Vee, you know what I think? No, no, I wouldn't say that. Doorbell, Leroy, that must be her. You go, Bertie. Now, Leroy, that ain't no way. This is your party and you ought to go and greet your guests. I know what your uncle would want you to if he was here. Leroy, that goes her daddy driving away. You just can't leave her standing out there. Go ahead, now, Leroy. Oh, for corn's sake, girls. I suppose you'll want to play house. Not a new dress. It's new for my birthday. That's nothing. I've got a real army compass. Come on in if you're coming. Is this where you live? Sure, what do you think? It's nice. Sure, it's okay. Well, what do you want to do? Anything you want to do. I'm not going to play house. Who wants to play house? Okay. Uh, I saw you cleaning the blackboards yesterday for Miss Bray. She made me. I don't like her very much. Do you? Nah. Here's old lady Spring. Leroy, I shall be forced to detain you off to school. Now off to meet children all together. How doth the little busy bee improve each shining hour? You're funny. Well, that's nothing. Did you ever see old lady Hubble? Here's old lady Hubble walking down the hall. That's old lady Hubble. Oh, be somebody else. You want to see me be Uncle Mort? Yes. Leroy. Over a happy birthday. Leroy, have you wished Ethel a happy birthday? What are you two giggling about? Leroy, I want you to play nicely with Ethel. You hear? Well, Ethel, how's your father? I had the pleasure of walking home with him the other night. Sorry to hear about your mother being ill. Feeling a little better, is she? That's good. Now Leroy, why don't you show Ethel your books? You want to see my books? If you do, I've seen them. Confounded, Leroy, that's no way. Ethel's your guest. It's your duty to entertain her. It's not a question of what you want to do, what she wants to do. Well, what does she want to do? I don't know, but ask her nicely. I've got to take these things out to birdie. You two just have fun. You hear me, Leroy? I want you to have fun. Okay. Is your uncle mad? Nah, he's always like that. Don't mind him. He's okay. What should we do? Anything you'd like to do. I can stand on my hands. You can? Easy. You want to see me? You might hurt yourself. Nah. Be out back. I can swing by my knees and drop off a land on my feet. Every time, almost. Come on out. I'll show you. Leroy, where do you think you're going? Well, just out in the back. I told you I want you to play with Ethel. Now come back here. Okay. Gosh. Remember, this is a party. You're supposed to have a good time. How about a good game of blind man's buff? What do you say? Blind man's buff? Blind man's buff is what you play at parties, my boy. Would you like that, Ethel? I'd like anything. There. You see what a polite little girl Ethel is, Leroy? Why can't you be like that? But, Uncle, you can't play blind man's buff with just two. You can't? Well, I know. How about pin the tail on the donkey? Oh, doorbell. Pardon me, children. I know who I'd like to pin the tail on. I hurt that, Leroy. Geez it, Miss Goodwin. I hope I haven't come at a bad time. You've come at a perfect time, Eve. We're just having a little party here. Aren't we, kiddies? Oh, well, I don't want to interrupt anything. I was just out for a walk, and I thought, Hello, Leroy. Hello, Miss Goodwin. And Ethel. Hello, Miss Goodwin. Well, this is a party. Yes, indeed. I, uh, got your note, Eve. Leroy delivered it all right. Hey, get right ahead and play, children. I'm trying to do something about Leroy right now, as you can see. But it's getting along with girls, I mean. What is it, Leroy? Can we go outside? Leroy, I've told you this is a party. I see Bernie's got the table set there, and I think she's going to have a surprise for you. Oh, my, doesn't it look festive? Snappers and everything. All ready there, Bernie? All ready. It's been with us a long time. All right, kiddies. Now, remember, Leroy, that Ethel go first. She's a lady. That's right. Now, Ethel, you sit at one end of the table, and Leroy, you sit at the other. They're going to be a little far apart, aren't they? Oh, but Leroy, what do we do first? We pull out the lady's chair for her, don't we? I can pull it out. Let Leroy do it. It's good for him. Oh, of a corn shape. Leroy? Now, Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday. Oh, it's a lovely cake, Bernie. Yeah, not bad. Thank you. Prosting, didn't I, Bernie? That's right. Oh, it's just you. Throckmorton, come on. Let's leave them. Say, you got snappers there, kids. Aren't you going to snap your snappers? Later. I just want to look at it for a while. Throckmorton. You have to blow out the candles. Blow out the candles and make a wish. Let's stay and watch this Eve. Do we have to blow them out right now? Well, you're supposed to blow them out for luck. If you blow them all out, you get your wish. You want me to blow them out for you, Ethel? Now, you stay out of this. Ethel gets to blow out her own candles. Throckmorton, let them do it their own way. I'd like Leroy to blow them out for me. Leroy's a good blower. Okay, but not just yet. I just want to look a little longer. I think you've looked at them long enough, Ethel. How about those snappers there? Aren't you going to... Throckmorton. Yeah? The principal would like to see you, please, in her office. Huh? Oh. Let's go into my study then, shall we? Have fun, kids. Just don't burn down the house. That's all. Honestly, Throckmorton, I'm surprised at you. At times you seem to be truly intelligent, and then all of a sudden... I turn out to be a dumbbell. Weren't you ever a boy, Throckmorton? Certainly I was a boy. What do you mean? Well, think back to the time when you were Leroy's age. Try to remember how you felt about girls then. I must have been a lulul. I wish I'd known you. You wouldn't have liked me if I was different then. I remember there was a little girl a couple of doors up the street. Her name was Nancy Ringe. Did she have a crush on you? She must have, I guess. She was always pestering me. And I guess I played some pretty mean tricks on her. I remember one time, Eve, father called me into his room and shut the door. That was always a bad sign. And then he said, Well, young man, I suppose you know why you're here. Well, answer me. Speak up. Speak up. Do you know why you're here? No, sir. Sit down. No, stand up. Stand up straight. Confounded I'll have no slouching when I'm talking to you. Hee. I had a report from your mother this afternoon of your conduct regarding a certain young lady. Do you know what I'm talking about? Me? Yes, you. I'm talking to you. Am I not? Am I addressing the wardrobe? Am I addressing the bed? No, sir. Very well. Mrs. Rinn spoke to your mother this morning. Does that suggest anything to you? Oh, that. Yes, that. Now I should like to hear the whole story from your own lips, if I may. The whole story. Hee. And stop saying he. What's the matter with you? Have you got asthma? I don't know, father. Maybe I have, father. Maybe I should see a doctor. Maybe Dr. Yeager could help me. Don't try to change the subject, young man. Proceed with your story and omit no details. Yes, sir. Well, Nancy Rinn pesters me all the time, you see. Yesterday afternoon she was hanging around when Ralph and I were trying to play catch. Ralph Deedersheim? Yes, sir. Proceed. Don't try to put any of the blame on Ralph. Hee. Flockmorton? I'm sorry, father. It's my asthma. Anyhow, she kept hanging around and we weren't paying any attention to her and then she started interfering with our game. In what way? She was trying to butt in on that game of catch. She was trying to make us quit playing. So, well, I chased her away, that's all. That's all there is to it. My son, I'm not to be farmed off with a long inconsequential story about a game of ball. How did you chase the little girl away? I dumped a bucket of mud on her, but it wasn't full. Oh. Young man, I'm astonished and appalled at your conduct. Torda girl, I can't believe it. Your mother and I have tried faithfully to teach you that a man's highest obligation is to defend and protect the members of the opposite sex. You will receive Punishment Day, Flockmorton. Punishment Day, father, please, I won't do it again. Punishment Day, remove your trousers, Flockmorton. Hee. And there'll be two extra for your asthma. He really gave it to me, too, Eve. Poor little Flockmorton. How old were you when all that happened? I don't know. About Leroy's age, I guess. Yes, sir, at that stage, girls were just a big pain in the neck to me. You've gotten over it pretty well, haven't you? Yeah. What do you think? Oh, I think you're cured all right. Do you remember when it was you first began to feel differently? About two years later. Well, then we certainly can't worry about Leroy. You have to let nature take its course, Flockmorton. Yeah, yes, you're right. At his age, all we can hope for is civility. We can't expect him to really like girls. Poor kid. Maybe I've been a little hard on him. Well, Ethel's had her birthday. I guess I could take her home now and let Leroy have a little fun. Come on, Eve, want to go along just for the ride? What the dick? I thought Marge, we went to the movies. Come on, Eve, let's get... Well, Eve, do you see what I see? Why? Ethel is giving Leroy a dancing lesson. Yeah. But look at him. He likes it. Close the door, Flockmorton. Well, what do you know? Little Leroy. That boy will be a gilder slave yet. We'll hear a good night from the great gilder slave in a few moments. Many listeners have written to tell us how disappointing it is when food dealers can't supply parquet margarine. Now, if you've had that experience, we're sorry, and your dealer is sorry, too, especially since millions of American families have made parquet their favorite spread for bread. But, as I explained a little while ago, there's been an increasing shortage of all spreads for bread and an especially big demand for parquet. Craft is continuing to produce as much parquet margarine as available supplies permit. But this is still far short of meeting the big demand. Your craft food dealer is trying to serve you as best he can. Both he and the craft foods company appreciate your patient understanding during this period of temporary shortage. We pledge our best efforts to see that everyone gets a fair share of all the parquet margarine that's available. And now the great gilder slave. Good night, folks. Great Gilder Slave is played by Harold Perry. It is written by John Whedon and Sam Moore. The music is by Jack Meekland. This is John Lang speaking for the Craft Foods Company and inviting you to listen in again next week for the further adventures of the Great Gilder Slave. And now here's a favorite food you can serve in a hundred or more tempting ways. It's Pabstet, the delicious cheddar cheese food that spreads, melts, slices, toasts to perfection. Serve it between meals and at parties as a tasty appetizer or sandwich spread. And at mealtime, enjoy Pabstet's mellow cheddar cheese flavor and omelettes and souffles. And in smooth, luscious sauces poured over macaroni, egg, and fish dishes. It's extra nourishing, easy to digest. And Pabstet comes in two popular varieties, Golden Cheddar and Pimento. Buy delicious Pabstet cheese food when you shop tomorrow. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.