 Signs you're dating a narcissist, when you're dating a narcissist you feel invisible, you don't feel seen or heard, you feel as though you don't even exist, because the narcissist is self-absorbed and lacks empathy, they don't consider your feelings or needs and yet they feel entitled to privileges and special treatment, they think they should be treated differently from everyone else, they can't deal with you at a real human level, because they live in a fantasy world inside their heads, they're too preoccupied with their grandiose fantasies, and they only want to associate with people, or they deem it to be on their level, people who are interested or successful, narcissists are very superficial, their main concern is their image of reputation, they're heavily focused on their appearance and the appearance of the people around them, they only care about what's on the surface, they don't care about the deeper or meaningful things, they have difficulty regulating their emotions, they will get angry very quickly, they will throw temper tantrums if they don't get their way, they can be very critical of other people, but they are very sensitive to criticism, they can dish it out but they cannot take it, they don't tend to accept criticism, they will usually minimise it or blame it on someone else, they can often engage in monologues where they don't require any input from you, because they think they know everything, they think they're always right, if you have a different opinion, they will argue with you, they will assume that you're wrong because they believe that whatever is in their mind is always correct, they think they're very intuitive, their feelings become facts without any conscious reasoning, they think they're special or different, they think they're unique, they think they're something that everyone should aspire to be, they exaggerate things that they do right, and minimise their faults and mistakes, to craft this distorted false image of perfection, narcissists can be very jealous, they can feel an envious resentment of someone or their achievements, possessions or perceived advantages, they can feel a resentful suspicion that their partner is attracted to or involved with someone else, they can be very suspicious, anxious and distrustful, because they're insecure, they're uncertain or anxious about themselves, they believe they're not good enough, which can cause them to be fiercely protective of their rights and possessions, they can be very protective, defensive, vigilant, watchful and heedful, they can be very on edge, they can be tense, nervous and irritable, unable to relax, narcissists will gaslight you, they will get you to doubt your own memory, perception and sanity, they will invalidate your feelings and experiences, they might have said or done something, but when you question or confront them on it, they will rewrite the past, they will act as though it never happened or as though it played out differently, it makes you question yourself, it makes you feel like you're going crazy, and this is one of the main signs that you're dating a narcissist, you will be questioning yourself more, you will be seeking their validation, you will feel the need to record your conversations with the narcissist, so you can play it back to them, narcissists will project their insecurities onto you or other people, they will shift the blame onto you, and they'll sit back and watch you trying to explain yourself, because they derive pleasure from inflicting pain, punishment and humiliation on you, narcissists pick their friends and dating partners to make them look good, their logic is that if they look good, then I look good, and that is why they will usually target people who are physically attractive and successful, people who will improve the narcissist image, narcissists want someone to make them look good, while a healthy person would want someone who makes them feel good, narcissists are more focused on their image, they are more focused on superficial things, they don't really care about how you feel, as long as you keep quiet, and just make them look good in front of other people, and this has a detrimental effect on children, because it's like the narcissist wants to be their child, and they want you to be their parent, they have this childlike need for you to be something you cannot be, and that's something that's never going to change, because they're so heavily focused on their superficial things, they don't care about what's underneath the surface, they don't care about making things work with you, they just want things to work for them, they just want things to make them look good, narcissists have a void inside of them, they feel empty, they're like bottomless buckets that can never be filled, so even if they meet someone who is good for them, the narcissist isn't going to be good for that person, the person they're with will only end up feeling unheared, they will feel like they don't even exist, because narcissists are too preoccupied with their own feelings and needs, and they train the people around them to focus on them, in a relationship with a narcissist, it's two people focusing on the narcissist, catering to the narcissist 24 hours a day, making sure they're okay, making sure they've got everything they need, while the other person has left feeling invisible, like they don't even matter, even after they've just done everything their power to help the narcissist to make their lives easier, a relationship with a narcissist is one sided, there's no equal exchange, and whoever they're with always ends up getting the short end of the stick, people often think that if they love the narcissist more, maybe they'll finally change, maybe they'll finally be happy, maybe they'll finally care, maybe they're grumpy now, but if you just give them some love, maybe they'll be nice, but it never works out that way, it's just a fantasy and no matter what you do for them, you will only be wasting your time, even if you changed everything about yourself and did everything in the way that they want, you clean the house every day and give them as much money as they want, they would still be miserable, they would still think that they don't need to change, you could try to teach them to be more caring and compassionate, but as soon as things don't go their way, they will be back to normal, you might be able to temporarily change their behavior, but you won't be able to change how they feel, they feel entitled, they feel like they should be able to do whatever they want and they don't care how you feel about that, once you know that you are dealing with a narcissist, you only have two options, your first option is to leave the relationship, which could cause you for more problems, as narcissists do not like it when you leave them, they don't mind leaving you, but if you leave them first, it can cause a lot of more problems, if you have children, they will try to stop you from seeing them, they will try to place financial hooks into you, once the narcissist has experienced you and everything that you have to offer, if they have to leave, they're not going to go without taking a part of you with them, a lot of people don't want to leave and while that is understandable, my advice to you would be to manage your expectations of the standards that you expect from the narcissist, don't expect them to want to listen to you or to hear about your feelings or needs, even if you try to talk to them, it will only turn into a conversation about them and no matter how many times you go through this process with them, even if one day you say that they never listen to you, they will still turn around and say that you never listened to them, they're just never going to appreciate anything you do for them, they're always going to want more and they're never going to give you anything back, they're only going to argue with you and complain about you to everyone around them and complain to you about everyone and everything that they're involved in, so if you choose to remain in this relationship, you need to manage your expectations, you need to look for empathy and compassion somewhere else, look somewhere else for someone to appreciate you, look somewhere else for someone to respect you because you're never going to get that from the narcissist, try to stop investing all of your time and energy into that relationship, you're never going to get a return on your investment and you're only going to be left feeling drained and lifeless by the end of it and told by the narcissist and everyone else that you didn't do enough for them, find activities or conversation topics that you can engage in with the narcissist where they don't get the opportunity to insult you or talk down about other people to you, talk about neutral topics, things that don't require much thought or analysis, you may feel invisible, you may feel like you're not being heard but understand that it has nothing to do with you, the narcissist is self-absorbed, they are very insecure, so they need constant validation, you cannot change the narcissist, you can only change how you deal with them, thank you for watching, I hope this video has it with you, please like, comment, share and subscribe, click the bell icon to receive notifications for my future videos, check out the new Narc Survival website at www.narcsurviver.co.uk where you can read my blog posts, book coaching sessions and join a support forum, if you would like to donate, my PayPal link is in the video description, coaching inquiries, you can email me at coachedatnarcsurviver.co.uk thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon