 Joanne Allen is our next guest. Joanne Allen is a lifelong resident of Santa Cruz County and has either lived or worked in nearly all the cities and communities of our county. Joanne has been an administrator at Santa Cruz County Office of Education for 24 years. Her duties encompass the oversight of multiple projects and programs to address the needs of high-risk youth populations. She has extensive experience in monitoring federal and state grant requirements, program implementation, coordination of services, and vast experience in collaborating with multiple federal, state, and local agencies to create sustainable programs to support high-risk youth. She has planned or been part of the planning committee for local, state, and national conferences. She has a BA degree in business and project management and has specialized trainings in organizational development, conflict resolution, youth development practices, strength-based assessments, school safety assessments, balanced restorative justice, youth court diversion programs, integration of preventive services into schools, and bullying teen dating violence prevention. She is a firm believer in creating protective factors in schools and communities that foster resiliency in all children and youth. Who best to follow Dorothy than Joanne? Thank you, Joanne. I do have to say Dorothy is a tough act to follow, but I do have to say too that she's validated everything that I've done and the research that I have done for putting together this presentation. So I'm part of the Safe Schools Partnership, which is a cadre of individuals that work with the Department of Education and the Attorney General's Office. And what we do is we create programs and best practices and training modules for schools. So usually those are about six hours long. And I'm condensing them into an hour, we'll actually probably 45 minutes. We'll see how that goes. So here we go. And I gotta remember to use the clicker because I'm not used to that. Okay, so in schools, how we see bullying, and one of the things that I've done a lot is I've gone to a lot of workshops and trainings because I need to keep myself abreast. We take the work that Dorothy and her colleagues have done at the state level and pull it together and pull out best practices that are aligned with our local legislation. And one of the things that I've discovered at the last training I was at is we should not be labeling children bullies or targets. We need to talk about the behavior. So that's why I added to my slide. It used to say bullying, I've added bullying behavior. And in schools, it can be a school safety issue. It can often be an act of violence, creating a hostile school environment, and several other items that are listed on the slide. But it really does create a trauma inducing acts of hostility in your school climate. And that's primarily what we're talking about today is the trauma. So I'm gonna go over, there's a bunch of ed codes. I'm not gonna read all these. So here's ed code, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it tells you that you have to create a comprehensive safe schools plan. And in that plan, here are all of the ed codes. If you wanna go look these up, late night reading, I'm gonna read all of the definitions to all the ed codes. This is what schools have to do in California. And then along with the ed codes, we have a bunch of ABs. AB this, AB that, and these are the legislations that have come into play, mostly because unfortunately, someone has been harmed in a serious way, there's been a fatality, or something terrible has happened where all the legislators go, oh my God, we shouldn't have had a legislation about that. Why is this happening? We need to stop this now. And so they pull a bunch of people together in the room. Usually not youth, and they come up with a legislation to deal with the issue that we now in schools have to abide by. And they're good legislation. So this one is about cyberbullying. Basically, this is about the punishments. A lot of these things are about punishing. The acts of bullying behavior. This one has to do with you have the right to suspend or expel. And even they added onto it now with texting and all the different aspects of that. You have a right to do that in your schools. The latest one up here is AB 1266. How many of you are familiar with AB 1266? That, I put this on here, even though it's not really bullying per se, but it's one of those areas of youth that can be targeted. Basically, it permits transgender students to participate in gender segregated school programs and activities consistent with their gender identity and to use facilities consistent with their gender identity. Huh. Can now, that's a really great legislation, but we all know how youth are and this has created quite a bit of controversy in our schools. This was my first call on the first day of school opening. Hey Joanne, help me write a policy. And which was great. I hadn't even seen the legislation so we worked together and our schools do have policies for this. We do have youth, transgender youth in our schools in Santa Cruz County, that their needs are being addressed in a positive pro-social way and they're not being cited as different but being helped to really fit in to our school. So I'm very proud of the fact that our schools are actually wanting to do this and not being, yes, very proud. The other one is Seth's Law, which is AB 9. And it talks about what you talked about Dorothy. There has to be an immediate process, a complaint procedure, something has to be done immediately, it has to be investigated, schools are mandated to do this, they need to thoroughly investigate what's going on and do some kind of alternative disciplinary program to address both the bullying behavior of the individual so that it doesn't go unchecked. And then in addition to that one is AB 1156, which says, and when I do these trainings, what it says here is encourages, I crossed that out, I would say you will. Schools, you will incorporate bullying prevention strategies in your safe schools plan. The law just says encourages, I say you will because everyone needs these kinds of strategies in their safe schools plan. And so what it does is it revises the definition. As Dorothy was saying, we all wanna define something, we all want to know who it is, what it is, what it looks like, what it smells like, how would we address it? Because if we can't define it, then we don't know what to do with it. And so every law has a definition and now the public health has a definition, the World Health Organization has a definition. Then there's a new legislation that I threw in here, which is AB 549, which I really like. This one, if you read the bottom section, it prioritizes mental health and intervention services to be part of your safe school planning efforts. Restorative and transformative justice programs. Restorative and transformative, things that we don't always hear in the education system. And positive behavior interventions. And it talks a lot about the social climate and changing the social norms. And it's to be incorporated in your safe schools plan. Again, I'm very proud that this legislation came through. Although all of you out there in schools are going, what, what do I do now? What policy do I have to do? And that's why I come out to the schools and help you with all these different policy issues and talk to you about them. It's not rocket science, many of this is just, huh. Should have done that to begin with. So the first thing that I'm gonna talk about is defining bullying. We have to come up with a definition according to the law. And I'm gonna talk to you about what California says we have to do. And I'm actually going to quote the legislature here so that you have their definition. First of all, it's gonna be, you have to look at all the different types of bullying there are. I don't need to reiterate these. There's physical, which is what it says, verbal, relational. And relational is the most difficult and the most pervasive because it's so hard to identify. You can see somebody pinching, pinching, shoving someone. You can actually hear someone calling names, but it's hard to really judge those relational types of things when someone's being snubbed or the mean girl syndromes or those kinds of things that are happening. Often they're happening through the airwaves and through texting. And then the other one is cyber. So this is the definition according to the education code. Any severe or pervasive physical or verbal act or conduct including communications made in writing or by means of electronic act and including all forms of bullying and harassment, physical, emotional, electronic means, including sexual harassment, hate violence, threats, harassment, and intimidation. Well, why do we need to call it bullying? We need to just address all of those issues, as Dorothy was saying. We really need to address those issues. And then, again, this is an interesting, it talks about a reasonable pupil. So I go, reasonable pupil, hmm, was I a reasonable pupil? I don't know, I can't remember. So you have to identify what a reasonable pupil is for causing you to feel duress over having these behaviors put upon you. So this is the definition of a reasonable pupil. A pupil, including but not limited to an exceptional needs pupil who exercise average care, skill, and judgment and conduct for a person of his or her age or for a person of his or her age with his or her exceptional needs. What? So are any of you reasonable pupils? I think it just means everybody. So the other thing, and I'm gonna do a little defining the different types of behaviors, because a lot of what happens in schools is parents will come in, and it's just like Dorothy said, I'm being bullied. Well, what does that look like to you? And you have to kind of differentiate for these different kinds of social interactions that could be considered bullying behaviors or teasing. In some cultures, teasing is a bonding experience. I think it was in mine, I'm not quite sure. But yes, it did happen. But anyway, teasing is usually, there's a mutual give and take, and you tease each other back. However, if it is pervasive and you tell someone to stop, it can exhibit the bullying behavior within the teasing. But bullying, as we've said, it's intended to cause harm. That's kind of what we can all agree with that when you're doing these behaviors, you wanna hurt someone. When you're teasing someone, you don't necessarily want to hurt them. You just wanna make fun or have some kind of camaraderie with them. We see a lot of teasing in the media. And a lot of the shows have a lot of teasing back and forth. And sometimes it does cross the line. So this is an important aspect. Because not all negative social interaction is bullying. I mean, there's a clear definition, and you can take it or leave it. I mean, it's what's out there for all of us to look at. But there's also a social conflict, as we were saying, that there's some conflict between two people that you can actually mediate. There's not the power structure of overpowering someone. There's not the fear, the threats and intimidation. And you can mediate with a social conflict. With bullying, it's all about power and control, typically. And then aggressive acts, we talked about that. Dorothy mentioned there's an aggressive act that's just kind of a single incident. They're angry, they're frustrated, they lash out. But it's different than the social dynamic, as it were, of someone who is exhibiting bullying behavior. Some of the, and I don't wanna call them sociopathic in nature, but sometimes that's why they can get away with it because I'm gonna date myself. I'm really gonna date myself. They're the Eddie Haskells of the world. Yes, so, and typically they're doing things, but they're in front of you, they're being very polite. And the reason this is important, because in the schools or in those situations, you're not gonna deal with every conflict the same way. So you really need to have a clear understanding of what you need to do. So in a social conflict, you may wanna bring in conflict resolution and mediate the process. If it's bullying behavior where there's intimidation or power and control situations, you don't really wanna do conflict resolution. And you can choose if you want to. I mean, my feeling is conflict resolution and what the State Department is saying is, I didn't put it in these slides, it's never, never, never, never, never, never use conflict resolution for bullying. And the reason is what they've done, the research that they've shown, but you know, if it works for you and you try it, great. But the one thing you need to realize is the students are doing this kind of behavior. Typically it's about the power and control and hurting someone. Not always, but that's what they're saying in a lot of the research that we're looking at. And so when you bring me into a conflict resolution and you're all there and I find out that, I, what was your name again? Jackson? Like, I hurt, before Jackson, he's sitting right there. Like, I said something to Jackson and it really hurt him. Yes, he's so upset, he went home, he told his mother and now I'm in this conflict resolution, you know, because maybe we were friends before and you know, but really, I don't like Jackson. And I'm gonna do everything I can because he just drives me nuts. And so I'm in this room with the conflict resolution team and they're saying, Jackson, how did you feel? And Jackson would share it with me. How did you feel when I was picking on you, Jackson? Did it really? Oh, oh, oh, yeah, oh, I'm so sorry, Jackson. You know I love you, you're an awesome guy, I would never do anything to hurt you. Oh, and the teacher sees me say that and she apologized. Jackson leaves the room because I now know that not only did Jackson call me out and I just made all the teachers love me because I was, oh, she's so apologetic. I now know I can hurt him, I know how to hurt him and I'm gonna keep on hurting him because in my state of power and control, that's what I want. And so you kinda have, it's really hard and you have to almost have a degree into understanding human behavior but that's why they say don't use that as a mediation for bullying because you don't have a degree in human behavior to know if that's going to work. So that's, sorry, Jackson, and that one's sincere. I already mentioned this one so I can skip over it. It's very important because a parent is gonna come to you, Jackson's mom. I am so angry, do you know what happened to my little boy yesterday at your school? You need to do something about that. I'm not gonna send him to school anymore and of course Jackson's totally humiliated because his mother is coming to school and he's like mom, please don't but I don't care, I'm gonna protect you anyway I can and I wanna know that you're doing something. Well, if it truly is a situation, then you can let them know what are you going to do, how are you going to address it but if it really is like, you know, Jackson and Joanne, they're friends, they do this all the time and let me show you and let me figure out how to do this and we can come in and say yeah, we were messing around, didn't really mean to do that and what you wanna do for Jackson and I is help develop our skills so we don't do those kinds of things anymore because it's not cool to pick on each other. So you have a different approach and if you don't have the clear definition, it's like Dorothy was saying, if you lump everything onto bully or what does that mean and don't let those kids pick on you, well what does that mean and then it's also, which I'm not gonna go into too much but there's also something called a provocative bully which is the person, this is where the skill development comes in, which is the person who really is walking around the school with a sign that says kick me on my back, you know, they're kind of not understanding their role in the situation, no excuse for them to be picked on but they become provocative in what they do and it's a whole other kind of dynamic and you really need to understand all those different dynamics when you're looking at your school climate. So this is an important slide because children learn at home or with their family how, and so if you're a family that punches everybody when they walk by and you have this social norm of teasing and jabbing but it's not to you not bullying, you know, you kind of kind of bring that with you if you have a social norm where you all sit at the dinner table and you say please pass the biscuits and thank you mom and all those kinds of things which wasn't my family. Could you please throw me a biscuit? Oh sure, here, catch. You know, that was kind of how I grew up and so those kinds of experiences they learn and they learn how to negotiate within the norms. When they get to school, it's a little bit different and those social norms are a little bit different and they learn really quickly how to maneuver in that new environment and they learn how if they're the new kid on the block what they need to do to bring the power to them as Dorothy was saying or whatever it is they need to do to maneuver those social environments. And one of the things that, and I can't remember who did this research but Dorothy alluded to it, 75% of a child's school age waking life when they're awake is spent with someone else and that's someone else is typically a teacher or their classmates. So all that social norm and you're doing whatever's happening in your home can drastically change when they get to a school climate and this is the infamous Oveas. I too feel like Norway, really? Isn't that where we get fish oil from or something? But the research has shown that originally this was the be all, end all, everybody. How many of you have Oveas in your schools? A few of you, now you're afraid to raise your hand. Oveas has some really nice foundational aspects to it and what they're finding is what Dorothy said. It's not the research here in the United States is not panning out as well as it may have done in Norway. It still has some good solid foundations. This is one of my favorite things that I like from Oveas. And you can take it or leave it. And it talks about the group dynamic which was also Dorothy mentioned. So in this group dynamic, and they are all labeled here because that's what we did when we did Oveas. You're a bully, you're a target, you're an onlooker, you're this, you're that. So in this it actually shows the bully or bullies and many times they are not the perpetrator. Many times it's as they're labeled here it's the follower or henchman as it were that are doing the acts and perpetrating these acts of social cruelty on someone else. And then there's all these people that surround that individual who's being targeted for whatever reason. And in this research what they also noted is that someone who is a traditional bully can look through the room who I wanna gain power and control over someone in this room. I'm going to look around for the person who is the weakest that I see and I perceive and I'm gonna start with them. And how you react to that will be how I continue my interactions with you. I used to do this in my training where I would knock the papers off the floor of my assistant and he'd be scrambling and I'd knock him off again and everybody in the audience would be going, ah, you know. And then I'd walk to some complete stranger and do it and they go, what's wrong, your problem? I'm not gonna mess with that person. And I wanted to show the difference is this person has allowed me kind of to say, okay I can target you, I can do this and nobody else is doing anything because they're the disengaged onlookers at the group like this, they're like, whoa. Is that part of her presentation or is she really mean? And so it was very interesting to show how this works. So one of the things that they're doing we're gonna be talking about the research is showing is to empower that target not to be a target and that's really, really hard to do and it's a lot of intensive school culture and climate change. So along with labeling everything else we have to look at in the school system, the characteristics of students exhibiting bullying behaviors. And I think the research and the data that was shared earlier kind of shows some of this information but it doesn't necessarily mean they're gonna go, you know, the school to prison pipeline thing but they may have higher levels of conduct disorder and especially in the elementary grades where it's really kind of shunned it is that way and they may have, you know, don't like school, don't adjust well. They feel stupid when they're in school so they have to do something to make themselves feel good. They typically use violence or impulsive. These are all the things that are composite of research but I do have to tell you my head spins with the research because every time I turn around there's new research because this is such a hot topic, there's new exploration, there's new, well let's try this, let's talk to this. Like I didn't know about the, what was that called? The nervous game. Whoa. I don't know what I would, hmm. So, and many times you're exhibiting this kind of behavior, they are the leaders, especially when they get to a middle, high school level, they are very much the, they're a positive view of themselves, you know, they're very proud of what they do and who they are. And they actually can make friends so they're not the anti-social people because they, people gravitate towards them. It's like, hey, did you see what Jackson did the other night? Whoa, I can't believe he did that. Hey, let's go hang out with him. That was pretty cool, you know? Even though he did something that was probably abhorrent, you know, but it was like, gives you some popularity. And then here's some of the signs according to the research that, you know, they often tease or torment people. They're hot tempered, they're impulsive. They usually aren't rural followers. They're aggressive towards adults, lack of empathy. You know, these different kinds of things. So, the other thing is, it's behavior rather than labeling someone. These are the kind of behaviors and many of you might look back in your history and your life. Huh, maybe I was a bully. I think back now when I locked my brother in the closet, when he was claustrophobic because I didn't get my way, well, that might have been a bad thing. It sounds funny, but I look at it, I go, wow, but he's not traumatized from it because I didn't love him. You know, so I'm looking at some of these kinds of things. It was all about wanting power, it was wanting to have control over the situation and I was angry. So many times, many of us will react in some of these ways. If we're angry and we don't have good impulse control, whatever it may be. So we don't want to be labeled, you're a bully. You know, I don't want to be labeled a bully. So then we also have to look now at the targets. And this is a really interesting thing. We can talk of behaviors, it's not calling a bully, these are behaviors. You know, we're not going to have behaviors that are sexual harassment. One of those behaviors are, and we don't have to label someone, but it's really, really hard when you're looking at someone who's victimized or a target of that to change that. I mean, they really are being targeted for this victimization. So it goes back between target and victim. I know in the domestic violent world, there are survivors. So it was interesting, I'm talking about middle school. You know, there's that book, I learned everything I need to learn in kindergarten. My feeling is, if you survive middle school, you can survive anything in your life. And I was a survivor of middle school as you were talking about earlier. So these are the kind of characteristics that are more anxious and secure. I mean, they're pretty self-explanatory up there. Nothing that I really want to point out. Except for, it's interesting, it goes back to that gender issue. In the research on this, males are generally weaker. And I went, huh, so that's, they're perceived as a target, if they have perceived weaker, that's that whole gender bias going on. And that was what this research had showed. So here's some of the, and this is where the whole psychosocial emotional things come in. This is where the trauma comes in. These are all the exhibitors for someone who's a warning signs. If you see someone in your schools, these may be the kinds of things. And as was said, bullying is talking about repeated over time. But Dorothy's right. If I get something totally horrific happen to me that just put me into a state of trauma, I'm going to avoid that person. I'm gonna, but I'm still traumatized. I have not dealt with that. And they have put doubt in my mind about something, whether they're making fun of me for whatever it may be, and they've hurt me some way. And that one incident can cause these kinds of situations and behaviors and characteristics in my soul. Many times they're looking at, we're looking at school attendance and truancy issues. Many of these are psychosomatic where children don't want to go to school. They have headaches and stomach aches. And there was a mention, I'm just gonna share a personal thing here about PE. PE is the most important place to look at in middle school junior high PE. I used to always have notes because I didn't want to dress down for PE because I did not look cute in the little monkey suits they made us wear. These little one-piece things. And all of the cheerleaders looked really cute and I did not. And so I would have my mother write me a note that I had cramps because I was a budding young woman and I would get cramps once a month. However, three times a month was a little awkward but I did get cramps. And so I saw my PE teacher not too long ago. Probably about 10, 15 years ago and she was retired and I saw her at an event. She goes, oh Joanne, I remember you. I remember you. Oh my God, I thought you were gonna bleed to death. Yes. And I went, oh yeah. But there was nothing I could do. I just, that was my thing, my escape. So then there's cyber bullying and bullying. The thing about the cyber stuff, it's so not visible. You can see some of the direct bullying and sometimes you can't. Like if you're in a classroom and you've got the students out here and I'm turning to do something over here and your guys are going, making faces. And then I turn around and you're like, what? That happens. But you can also text each other when I'm not looking. You can send things in the classroom. And as Dorothy was saying, it starts on Friday, carries over the weekend, comes in on Monday. I agree with her. I do not go to schools on Mondays. I have one time they call me in on a Monday and I just sat there because there was some kind of walkout about something that happened over the weekend and it was very interesting to be in a school on a Monday morning. But again, there is still an imbalance of power but it may be different. So you can see the powerful people that may be on your school campus that are looking at, hey, I'm tough, I'm cool. In cyber world, it may not be that person. And there is no, one of the things that the Secret Service has done with all those school shootings and there's no the causal effect with bullying and all that, but they did say, and they couldn't do, everybody wants to label something, like they have these characteristics, they have these characteristics and they are these people. The channel of that Secret Service study was there is no category. It can happen to anyone. Anyone, kids, it's more this cycle, social, emotional things that are happening with those individuals. And so you could have someone that's really popular in school and not really doing these things or you have somebody really quiet and they get online and their persona is somebody really cruel and mean. So it's a little bit different in the power and control. And there's no refuge. So here's a comparison. I'm five slides behind where I should be so I'm gonna rush through these. You can look at these when you download this. It's just a comparison. This is what I wanted to talk about. The 10 years ago, really we talked about who's the bully, who's the victim? What do we do? Who do we punish, who do we help? That was it. You know, we gotta do this. That's what the law said. Oh yeah, we need to improve the school climate too but we really need to look at the policies and rules and regulations. It's kind of evolved now where they're looking at the cruel behaviors. They still need to punish, even though the research analysis that doesn't really work. And it's looking at changing the aggressive behaviors and what's going on and build positive social norms. So that's kind of the evolution of what's happening. The goal now, as was related earlier, is to improve school climate. Change the environment and the culture where the children are. Huh, don't punish. Change the environment and provide support for the targeted folks that are targeted and response to peer aggression. Not bully, peer aggression. What is your response? Again, the word respect comes in. I think the curriculum that's out there is respect and that was one that had the high efficiency rate that Dorothy was showing us. But respect for all. Protect your children at your schools. Empower everyone to take a positive role. Empowering is an easy word to say, but you have to live it and breathe it in your school. And you have to restore and maintain that sense of community. I love the slide. Family, school. Family, school. You wanna have a functional family in your school community. The elements, so the other thing, I'm not gonna read all of these things. Important thing here is the relationships. It's not just peer to peer, student to student. It's how does the student relate to the staff and how does the staff relate to that student? And then the staff to staff. I was just talking to someone earlier where the staff to staff issues are terrible. And what's interesting in adults, you're not breaking the law when you're being mean unless you actually sexually harass, do the kinds of things that are breaking the law, but just by being aggressive or a little strong armed, you're not, there's no law that you're breaking. In schools, we say yes, you can do that, but in the adult world, in many times, these young people grow up to be the mean bosses or the domestic violence situations. So here's another little comparison that you can look at on your own. It just shows how in different levels, children, teens and adults. So here's the aggressive behavior in an adult, which is there, are they breaking a law when they dismiss your opinions? No, but it makes you feel diminished when an adult steals your boyfriend or girlfriend? Huh? They increase your work responsibilities, so they're making it so you're not able to do your job. There's a whole series of things here that really are aggressive behaviors that could be considered a bullying behavior that in adult world, there's not a lot of laws about that. And so we really have to start with our children in our schools so they don't grow up to be these mean bosses. Oh, this is a really important situation slide. So, as was mentioned, you have to identify your own biases. You have to identify what do you say about people in your school? What is accepted? Sometimes in schools, it's okay to say certain things. Like, and right now the two, the two, one is becoming more protected than the other, which is the LGBT, the queer youth, they're becoming protected, they have strong advocacy, which is awesome, but the other group that is not protected is people who are overweight. People who are obese end up being a lot of targeted in a lot of our schools and it's acceptable because why can't you lose weight? God, you're so fat, you can't really run that track, can you? Teachers saying these things. So you really have to look at, it's acceptable because everybody needs to be healthy and thin if you're not, there must be something wrong with you. That is social cruelty and that is a very difficult thing and it's a bias that you see in a lot of our schools. Again, climate and culture, that was reiterated. I'll reiterate that again. It was Dorothy mentioned that. Also the brain research, you know the, what is it, fight, flight, or freeze? You know, look at where the adolescent brain development is, what they're gonna do, how they react to these things and understand the adolescent development. So what is school climate? Hmm, that is the immediate feeler tone. When you walk into a school, how does it feel to you? When you walk into your schools, how do they feel? Do they feel like warm and inviting and the receptionist or the registrar is there and say hi, welcome to our school? Or they're like, what do you want? Really? Okay, fine. You know, I mean, you gotta look at the climate and what's happening in your schools. The thing about climate, it's like the air we breathe. It's invisible till it becomes toxic. So you might not even know this is happening until there's such an issue of toxicity in your school climate. Hopefully your schools don't look like this. Then culture is the stories they tell you about yourself, about your school. So what do you say? What are the unwritten rules? Like I would have people coming to my office and they come up late and they'd say, it's my culture to be late. I go, well, my culture is work and it's not my culture for you to be late. You get a demerit. So I mean, it's like, that's not an excuse. There's a different culture for whatever is going on in your school. And so this is something you wanna talk to yourself about at your schools or wherever you're at. What stories are being told out in the community? What are they saying about your school? What are they saying about your office? What are they saying about you? That is what's happening within that shapes your culture, how you are. And it's the stories you say about yourself. So what do parents feel? What are they saying? Oh, I love to see my kids at that school. It's so great. It's so wonderful. The teachers are so friendly. Again, framing this work on human rights. The defamation, the league for def... I should always forget that acronym there. What is it? Yes, that group. They have some incredible work being done right now and bullying behaviors and bullying prevention. And it's in Spanish and English. I have some out there on the table. And then also helping the bystanders to know what their role is in this. You practice a restorative approach, which is what is the relationship? You wanna restore people. You wanna help the people within the community, in your schools, build a healthy climate together. Both students and adults. So this is my favorite thing to do. I put it in everything I do. Whatever program I have, I use Maslow's hierarchy. It's basic behavioral health 101, right? Some people say, oh, Maslow, whatever. But it's kind of the undercurrent of a lot of things. So here's Maslow's theory. Here's how I overlay it with bullying behaviors. So we all need our physical needs met. Let's see if I can use this little thing right here, which is good. And then we need safety. This is according to Maslow, and it's pretty true. I've seen it happen. Belonging, love, self-esteem, self-actualization. Well, up here, this is where we are in schools and things like that. We want students to be successful and learning. But according to Maslow, you can't get here unless you have all these building blocks underneath. Well, what happens with someone who is being harassed, being bullied, having the behavior on them, they can't get past here. So when your child is at a school and you expect them to do well on tests or pay attention, they can't because they're still right here. They're stuck. They don't feel like they belong anywhere. And so you really have to look at what's going on. How can you help them belong? How can you help them feel loved? How can you help them do this? And then they'll be successful in your schools. So you have to have a climate that kind of supports this. The one thing that I overlay with this is there's something in our culture today that fulfills all of these needs that is not positive. Take a little sip of coffee. And that is gangs. Gangs, safety in numbers. You belong to something greater than yourself. They love you for whatever it is that you're doing. They esteem you for how well you hold the gun, how well you do the graffiti. You belong to something. And the only thing with self-actualization in gangs is typically prison or death. But all of these other things in there, a gang will fulfill. So that makes it very challenging for us. Because you can't do it with that. You have to put something in place of all these things. So when you're doing prevention, it follows the public health model. Everything is following the public health model. So you're going to look at different. Oh, and the other thing, I cannot tell you what practice to use. As the Department of Education and Education, I can't say use OVEUS, use Second Step, I cannot do that. And I will not do that. I will not recommend any of them. I say, look at what your needs are. Identify where they are and what you want to do. I will help you do that. But I cannot tell you which program to use. Just remember, according to what is being shared with us at the Department of Ed, it is happening over time. Remember what bullying is and it is victimization of someone. And so you really need to address that and you need to address it immediately. You do not want to make the victim feel like it's their fault. You want to address those issues right away and then deal with it as quickly as possible. And it's our legal obligation that children have to be safe in schools. However, before you punish, before you do something, you need to educate. I can't stress enough how important it is for you at the school level and anyone in the community to understand and not to do the handbook. This is what bullying is. Oh, good, I'm going to go be a bully. But behavior, that educate that these behaviors are unacceptable in our school or our climate and that these are the consequences that will happen to you if you exhibit these behaviors. And the most important piece, the most important tool that you have at your disposal to create these social norms is your students. If you create any policies, implement any program without having the voice of your student, your, any of those folks from kindergarten, preschool, all the way up, they can still have a voice. If you do not have that, it will not work. Because they know, they live in the world and they know where the people are getting picked on. They know who what's happening and you need to listen to them because they can help you make a difference. And then when you do this, it has to be these kind of approaches. School-wide, everybody has to be bought in. Not the person's going, do I have to do this again? Really? So I'm going to put this binder on the shelf with all the other binders. Okay, fine. You have to have everybody buy in. And you have to make it something that everybody wants to buy in. So not only do your students, you have to have your faculty bought in. You just don't thrust something on your faculty. You want to make sure that, oh yeah, I can do this, I can do this. Parents, parents, so important, they really need to be bought in to what it is that you're doing as well. So these are some of the presents in the school-wide approach. You want to be visible. It was like talking about the school climate. When you go to a school and they're attempting something and they're out there, even though it may not be the safest place or they're trying or whatever they're trying to do, there's an active presence, an active positive presence. Not like a prison with a police force, but an active presence where you're observing, you're seeing what's going on and you're aware of what's happening on your school campus. And you're really monitoring the different, and you're documenting. So you know what's going on. So when the parent calls you and you go, oh yeah, on that day, I did see that. And this is what I saw that happened. This is the report that I took and they can go, oh, okay. And then same thing with cyberbullying. You gotta have policies, strategies for those, school-wide interventions. I'm skipping through these because I'm running out of time. Teach pro-social skills. This is where everything that you have to do is an immediate action. You have to stop it when it happens and you have to not ask the questions, what did you do? But just stop, that's not okay. That's not okay. It's not okay to say those words. It's not okay to do those things. Just stop it. Not ask, well, how come he's doing that to you? Or what's going on? Because you're just disempowering. So here's some actions for the teacher. Again, what teachers can do. Policies, administrators. You can read these on your own. Parents. I wanted to get to the parents because I usually don't share this part with about the parents. So parents have a really important role with us. They really need to empathize with their child if they're being bullied, having the behavior against them. Help them understand that it's wrong. Help them be, they document it. They just really need to be actively involved. Not coming to you with, okay, my child's being bullied, but really at home. Here's some conversation starters. That's where it begins. So how does that make you feel? Even though as a parent you may be going, oh my God, oh my God. You go, so when they stuck your head in the toilet, what did you think about that? What was good, so what would you like me to do? Or some kind of conversation? Or even if they don't tell you that, have you seen anybody have their head stuck in the toilet? Because they're not gonna tell you that they had it done to them. Yes I did, well what do you think about that? Well how can you make that stop? So those kinds of things. Same thing, be a role model. Encourage, parents need to encourage. There's a set of saying don't get involved. It could be you next. Stand up for the rights of others. There was this great video that I watched about the child who was Down syndrome and he was being picked on for that. And he finally stood up to his perpetrators and he was sharing this story and he had enough and he was getting all the courage. And when he turned behind him to see there were 300 students standing behind him, supporting him and they did kind of back down. But he garnered that support because he stood tall and proud and said I'm not gonna take this anymore. He told somebody they told somebody else and they all supported him. Because in their school that's not going to happen. Teach empathy, this is what parents can help do. All of you can do this but parents can really teach empathy. Many times what's come out of the research is some of the children that are doing these behaviors, they lack empathy. Like they don't care that I hurt you. Well and they are like well you deserved it. You know how I am. You know you should not be talking like that to me and you know what I'm gonna do. It's all your fault. I don't feel sorry for you. It's like kind of help them develop not to do those kinds of things. And what they put in that slide was how would your grandpa feel? How would your pop pop feel? Whatever person that they have respect or love for. And hopefully it isn't somebody that would go yeah he would say, you don't want somebody like that. You don't want somebody to say yeah beat him down. Papa's gonna like me because I did that. You want somebody that's gonna have some empathy and compassion. So you want to have a parent that's showing some empathy and compassion and find another family member that will show that same kind of empathy and compassion. Here's some other things about internet. And then if your child's being bullied just like Dorothy I have a ton of slides and so you're all going to read them and I'm looking at my time. I have five minutes. So the other thing is what's really really hard is my baby would not hurt anybody. Don't be telling me my baby's a bully. What are you doing? How come you're bullying those people? Look where they learned it from. You know, but you want to look at how do you know as a parent try to figure out what's going on. Try to figure out is it something that's being exhibited in your home? Is it something they're learning from cousins? Is it something that they're frustrated about that they don't know how to verbalize in any other way because they don't have the capacity. They're only nine or eight or seven or 10. They don't know how to verbalize that and they're frustrated so they lash out. Try to understand what is going on and why they're doing that. And then you can help them not do those behaviors. Most important thing is build your child's confidence. You don't have to go overboard and tell them, you know, good job when they strike out the ball every time, but say, hey, good try or help them feel good or let's practice on that. So next time you can hit the ball a little bit better but you don't want to overemphasize so they get too full of themselves and think they're great, but at the same time you don't want to put them down. You dummy, you stupid, you're never gonna be anything and that happens. You don't ever want that to happen. This is a hand, this is a really picture that I found but those are all words of hate around that child's neck. And one of the things that, I don't know if you've ever heard Michael Pritchard. Michael Pritchard has one of my favorite quotes of all times, hurt people hurt people. And I think there's probably research that shows hurt people hurt people. And that's where the trauma informed information comes in. They're hurt, they may lash out, they may internalize, hurt people may hurt themselves but they're gonna hurt something. So these are some suggestions onto positive strokes for your child. Oh good. So I'm getting where I need to be. So I know I've really gone through a lot of things for you and they're all online and you'll have an opportunity to ask questions. This is the kind of information that I share with schools. It's a six hour presentation with a lot of interaction and little dyads and triads and we talk about it and we do a lot of different things and how to impose the policies. So, and there's some fun things along the way. There's some stories. One of the things that I used to ask people when I do this presentation that someone told me not to but I'm gonna do it anyway is how many of you and I think you asked a little bit at the beginning, how many of you have ever been bullied, witnessed bullying or been a bully? Just raise your hand. For those that you have been bullied, can you remember that person's full name? Yes, yes. For those of you that have bullied other people, can you remember who they were? Not really. Maybe. But when you have been that I was bullied, is Debbie Richardson out here in the audience anywhere? Okay. So, a little story and then I'm gonna end. So, when I was in junior high, I got called out for a fight. When I got called out for this fight, I ran away because I don't fight. My girlfriend, Cheryl Kobe, she was my hero. Are you out here, Cheryl? She was 15 years old and in eighth grade because there was a rumor that she had killed her stepfather. So, no one messed with Cheryl. So, Cheryl comes to me and she says, Joanne, I heard Debbie called you out for a fight. What did you do? I go, I didn't do anything. Oh, you must have done something, girl. You must have done something. I go, I didn't do anything. I don't know what I did. Oh, Joanne, you know how you are. You know, you probably said something. I go, I didn't do anything. She goes, okay, well, I'll follow you out to the fight. I go, I'm not fighting. No way am I fighting. She said, oh, yes you are. Let me throw you a few punches at you and show you how to protect yourself. I went, what? What? And so, she did and I was like, oh. You know, so we went and it was classic. This is a true story. Classic scene. Del Mar was where I went to school. So, less than some other people are here. It was a long time ago. It was a K-8 school. Big field out back there where I think the Cyprus is now. We all gathered off Felt Street, big circle, fight, fight, fight, fight. Classic, just like in a movie. And so Debbie's out and I'm out there and so my friend Cheryl Kobe, I'm out there like, and then Cheryl stands in front of me and she says, so Debbie, I wanna know why are you gonna kick Joanne's ass here? And she goes, what do you mean? I wanna know. For some reason Joanne doesn't really know why you wanna beat her up and I really need her to know why she were gonna beat her up so she doesn't do this again. She was all about justice, Cheryl. So anyway, Debbie keeps saying, I don't know what you're talking about. She needs to understand. And you need to know, I'm not gonna let you hurt her too bad, but she needs to get a lesson here and I wanna make sure she understands the lesson. And then she goes, well, you know, she's one of those girls. And Cheryl goes, no, I don't know. What girl are you talking about? You know the ones that sit in front of the class and always raise their hands and answer the teacher's questions. And Cheryl went, you wanna beat up my friend cause she's smarter than you? I don't think so. So I'm behind, where I got, I'm going, oh, thank you. So Cheryl goes, if you want a piece of her, you have to come through me. Remember, she killed somebody. So we're there. And she goes, oh, Cheryl, I got no problem with you. Just let me out her. She goes, no, I am not. You are not going to beat up my friend because she wants to graduate school and she wants to be smart. She goes, if I were you, I would take advice from her and study harder. You are not gonna beat up my friend. Come through me first. That's a true story. Thank you. So nonetheless, I was very popular. The rest of my junior year, I mean high school, middle school, I was really, I had Cheryl. So I love her for that. And the reality of the story was, it was a domestic violence situation. There was a death of her stepfather. She was placed in where they used to place kids a long time ago in some home for a while and she didn't have any education. Thank God for the foster care and the systems now where those children are getting an education. So she had to come back in eighth grade. So anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. And it's really helped me with all the work that I've done. Here's one last poem, which is Bruce Perry. And I really like this. Perry, he's done a lot of the brain research. We're gonna be going, one of my peers is going to go up and listen to him and middle health and all the brain research that's being done. But this is just something kind of food for thought about violence. Violence always travels from the strongest to the weakest or from the most powerful to the least powerful. People who are the object of violence absorb it, modify it and then pass it on. Young children who are at the bottom of this vortex often do not have anyone to pass it on. So they absorb it, accumulate it and wait until they are old enough, big enough or strong enough to erupt in some dramatic way that hurts other people. And with that, so when anyone's developing a school plan work on building the positive as you do and I'm finding the negative. Those are my three ground sums. Thank you very much.