 Listen up 999, I know you're a peaceful entity but there are a lot of jerks out there so you need to learn to defend yourself. What do you do the next time that bucky girl or chimera come at you with an oven or a blender? Good. The you two can manage not to kill each other while I'm gone. Oh please, we're not children. And I, yes, fuck you. Alright, we've got you into the gala. Spike the ambassador's drink so he forgets about SCP. Redacted. Wait, don't! Rookies. Number one, could you please sing the opening to I Want It That Way? Really? Okay. You are my fire. Number two, keep it going. The one desire. Number three. Believe when I say. Number four. I want it that way. Tell me why. Ain't nothing but a heart. Ain't nothing but a mistake. Number five. I never want to hear you say. I want. Ah, chills, literal chills. It was number five. Number five killed my brother. Oh my god, I forgot about that part. Hey, hey, no one's here to hurt you. Just calm down. I'm gonna open the closet door, alright? Just... Alright. Well, you're protected by dog Toretto and the power of family. So, you know what? I'm not gonna hurt you. I just want to talk. Hello, legs. Oh, hi. One, two, three, four. Hit your mark and then we go. One, two, three, hit it. Here you will see Dr. Wondertainment's Mouthing Off Balloons. You're a smart class. I don't think I have to tell you what the anomaly is. Fun fact, I have you just on three different Dr. Bright bodies to get him to shut up. Today's anomaly is... Meat sucky sucky. Proof that the Global Occult Coalition is right sometimes. Blow it all up. Attention, Foundation staff. This is Dr. Theron Sherman. And six have been kept contained. The Scarlet King's onslaught has been held at bay. And we even saved human consciousness from George the Chinchilla. But none of us were prepared for this. Mamba number six. Us all. Attention. Today's briefing contains adult materials. So if you're in the Foundation Junior Academy, get out of here unless your superior officer grants you special permission. The day you've been waiting for is here, everyone. We have an SCP-6969. Get it out of your system. Nice. Let's get to the briefing. SCP-6969 is a biological, thomoturgical process that affects any human being capable of ejaculating. So, you know, most of them. There are actually two spells at work here. The first causes anybody who ejaculates to start a causal time loop within those two seconds of ejaculation that lasts anywhere from 16 days to 73 quintillion years. After that, the second spell kicks in and resets your nervous system, which is why you don't remember that however long it was. The real kicker? All our research tells us that this is a natural process. Go read the article. As well as Site 42 in its entirety being filled with piss. Hey! Hey! All you need to do is submit your request in writing. That's it. Sheesh. At least it's not as bad as the time Datofilled one of our sites with literal shit and another site with bananas. This shit is bananas. Hey, no. No. No. Staff, get out of here. The siren is trying to lure you into the water and you know how we feel about going into the water. You have to have a CRV of at least 15 to resist this. You don't leave. I do not recognize the bodies in the water. I do not recognize the bodies in the water. I do not recognize... Oh, shit. I think that's car. Go to your happy place. Just ignore it until security gets here. I thought Girl Slendy cannot hurt you. Just ignore it. Look at them out there rubber-necking around. Oh, we took over the world. We beat the SCB Foundation. Yeah, I'm talking to you, you jerks. Oh, hi. Good afternoon, class. In case you're new to Foundation Academy, my name is Dr. Sherman. In today's briefing is on memetics and cognitive hazards. Answering the old question... Find words on it. Uh-huh. It's just words. Now, some of you may be confused because you don't see any words on those objects at all. That's because you have not found the introduction vector. Once exposed, you start to see this font, these words, on everything. The process takes about two to five years, so if you're only seeing it in retail locations, that's just the beginning. Have fun. So it was just a one-off joke. I did not expect Demon-Dator to get so much traction, but you know what? Even though I am not ace, my character, Dr. Sherman, is canonically ace. I do know. I have a lot of friends and the representation is sorely needed. So yeah. Hashtag Demon-Dator. Live it. Ace representation all day. A Kirby? Bad Kirby? Okay, be careful on the approach. We don't want to spook it. The majestic lapras. What a beaut. Was SCP-666 everything? We do, in fact, have an SCP-666, but it's not Demon or Satan related, as you would expect. Instead, we're looking at an anomalous yurt in the Tibetan mountains. If the person who enters the yurt is not addicted to anything like drugs or alcohol, then nothing happens. But if they do have an addiction, then the yurt activates and it puts them into a state of hallucination. The hallucination places the addict in a place they are familiar with, like a bar. Then the entity we call SCP-666-1 appears in disguise. It starts offering you the thing you're addicted to, but if you take it, it also gets really angry and eventually starts kicking the crap out of you. It certainly seems to be some sort of purification ritual, but more research is needed. I know the Fazbear animatronics kill people, but this Chucky we brought in just keeps leering at the female researchers in D-Class, and it's way creepier to me. The way they wanted to do that was to put Big Bird on the Challenger. First of all, I'm assuming that you've seen Patrick's video, so go give it a watch and also follow because Patrick's amazing. Second, I love being able to say we've got an SCP for that. Welcome to SCP-4481, the wreckage of a NASA shuttle we found in 1986, except things are different because it seems to have come from a different timeline. Whatever brought them to our dimension supified the entire crew, except for their sole survivor, their version of Big Bird. Our investigation raised far more questions than it answered, and it is a macabre situation. It's be warned if you go read the article. Okay, bear with me for a second, but look at this abomination. This crime against humanity. It is 3 AM. I am just so tired of this. I mean, no, I'm not talking about the goat. I'm talking about the door and the curtains. You don't need both. Okie dokie. Oh, they're beautiful. So you're gonna back up, right? Well, I do notice you're not wearing your seatbelt and that's just so unsafe. Yeah, just back on up. Fine. What was that? They like you. The person who sent this wants you to know they are secretly an anomaly. Over 9000 tags and not one of you thought to contain them? Hey there, Site 42 fam. It's come to my attention that not a lot of people know that we have a Site 42 SCP merch store. We've commissioned art from multiple artists to make SCP-related merch and we've got stickers for the Site 42 channel and so if you want some SCP merch as well as helping support the Site 42 channel at teespring.com slash stores slash Site 42. Thank you in advance and cheers.