 Chapter 13 of She and Alan This is a LibriVox recording, or LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org, reading by Lars Rolander. She and Alan by H-Rider Haggard Chapter 13 Alan hears a strange tale. For some minutes I remained before those curtains, until had it not been for something electric in the air, which got into my bones. A kind of force that perhaps in my fancy only, seemed to pervade the place. I should certainly have grown bored. Indeed I was about to ask my companion why he did not announce our arrival, instead of standing there like a stuck pig, with his eyes shut as though in prayer or meditation. When the curtains parted, and from between them appeared one of those tall waiting women whom we had seen on the previous night. She contemplated us gravely for a few moments, then moved her hand twice once forward towards Bilali as a signal to him to retire, which he did with great rapidity, and next in a beckoning fashion towards myself to invite me to follow her. I obeyed passing between the thick curtains which she fastened in some way behind me, and found myself in the same roofed and sculptured room that I have already described. Only now there were no lamps, such light has penetrated it coming from an opening above that I could not see, and falling on the days at its head, also on her who sat upon the days. Yes, there she was in her white robes and veil, the point and center of a little lake of light, a wondrous and in a sense a spiritual vision, for in truth there was something about her which was not of the world, something that drew and yet frightened me. Still as a statue she sat, like one to whom time is of no account, and who has grown weary of motion, and on either side of her yet more still, like Karyatid's supporting a shrine, stood two of the stately women who were her attendants. For the rest a sweet and subtle odor, hervaded the chamber, which took hold of my senses, as hashish might do, which I was sure proceeded from her or from her garments, for I could see no perfumes burning. She spoke no word, yet I knew she was so inviting me to come nearer, and moved forward till I reached a curious car chair that was placed just beneath the days, and there halted, not liking to sit down without permission. For a long while she contemplated me, for as before I could feel her eyes searching me from head to foot, and as it were looking through me, as though she would discover my very soul. Then at length she moved, waving those two ivory arms of hers outwards, with a kind of swimming stroke, whereon the women to right and left of her turned and glided away, I know not with her. Sit, Alan, she said, and let us talk, for I think we have much to say to each other. Have you slept well, and eaten? Though I fear that the food is but rough, also was the bath made ready for you? Yes, Asha, I answered to all three questions, adding, for I knew not what to say. It seems to be a very ancient bath. When I last saw it, she replied, it was well enough with statues standing round it, worked by a sculptor who had seen beauty in his dreams, but in two thousand years. Or is it more? The tooth of time bites deep, and, doubtless like all else in this dead place, it is now a ruin. I coughed to cover up the exclamation of disbelief that rose to my lips, and remarked blandly that two thousand years was certainly a long time. When you say one thing, Alan, and mean another, your Arabic is even more vile than usual, and does not serve to cloak your thought. It may be so, Asha, for I only know that tongue as I do many other of the dialects of Africa, by learning it from common men. My own speech is English, in which, if you are acquainted with it, I should prefer to talk. I know not English, which doubtless is some language that has arisen since I left the world. Perhaps later you shall teach it to me. I tell you your anger me, whom it is not well to anger, because you believe nothing that passes my lips, and yet do not dare to say so. How can I believe one, Asha, who if I understand the right speaks of having seen a certain bath two thousand years ago, whereas one hundred years are the full days of man? Forgive me, therefore, if I cannot believe what I know to be untrue. Now I thought that she would be very angry, and was sorry that I had spoken, but as it happened she was not. You must have courage to give me the lie so boldly, and I like courage, she said, who have been cringed to for so long. Indeed, I know that you are brave, who have heard how you bore yourself in the fight yesterday, and much else about you. I think that we shall be friends, but seek no more. What else should I seek, Asha? I asked innocently. Now you are lying again, she said, who know well that no man who is a man sees a woman who is beautiful and pleases him, without wondering whether should he desire it, she could come to love him, that is, if she be young. Which, at least, is not possible if she has lived two thousand years, then naturally she would prefer to wear a veil, I said boldly, seeking to avoid the argument into which I saw she wished to drag me. Ah, she answered, the little yellow man who is named light in darkness put that thought into your heart, I think. Oh, do not trouble, as to how I know it, who have many spies here, as he guessed well enough. So a woman who has lived two thousand years must be hideous and wrinkled, must she? The stamp of youth and loveliness must long have fled from her, of that you, the wise man, are sure. Very well, now you tempt me to do what I had determined I would not do, and you shall pluck the fruit of that tree of curiosity which grows so fast within you. Look, Alan, and say whether I am old and hideous, even though I have lived two thousand years upon the earth, and may have many more. Then she lifted her hands and did something to her veil, so that for a moment, only one moment, her face was revealed, after which the veil fell into its place. I looked, I saw, and if that chair had lacked a back, I believe that I should have fallen out of it to the ground, as for what I saw, well, it cannot be described at any rate by me, except perhaps as a flash of glory. Every man has dreamt of perfect beauty, basing his ideas of it perhaps on that of some woman he has met, who chants to take fancy, with a few accessories from splendid pictures of Greek statues thrown in, plus a garnishment of the imagination. At any rate I have, and here was that perfect beauty, multiplied by ten, such beauty, that at the sight of it the sense is reeled, and yet I repeat that it is not to be described. I do not know what the nose or lips were like. In fact all that I can remember with distinctness is the splendor of the eyes, of which I had caught some hint through her veil on the previous night. Oh, they were wondrous, those eyes, but I cannot tell their colors, save that the groundwork of them was black. Moreover, they seemed to be more than eyes as we understand them. They were indeed windows of the soul, out which looked thought and majesty and infinite wisdom, mixed with all the allurements and the mystery that we are accustomed to see or to imagine in woman. Here let me say something at once. If this marvelous creature expected that the revelation of her splendor was going to make me her slave, to cause me to fall in love with her as it is called, while she must have been disappointed, for it had no such effect. It frightened and in a sense humbled me, that is all. For I felt myself to be in the presence of something that was not human, something alien to me as a man, which I could fear and even adore as humanity would adore that which is divine, but with which I had no desire to mix. Moreover, was it divine, or was it something very different? I did not know, I only knew that it was not for me, as soon should I have thought of asking for a star to set within my lantern. I think that she felt this, felt that her stroke had missed, as the French say. That is, if she meant to strike at all at this moment. Of this I am not certain, for it was in a changed voice, one with the suspicion of chill in it that she said with a little laugh. Do you admit now, Alan, that a woman may be old and still remain fair and unwrinkled? I admit, I answered, although I was trembling so much that I could hardly speak with steadiness, that a woman may be splendid and lovely beyond anything that the mind of man can conceive, whatever her age of which I know nothing. I would add this, Asha, that I thank you very much for having revealed to me the glory that is hid beneath your veil. Why? she asked, and I thought that I detected curiosity in her question. For this reason, Asha, now there is no fear of my troubling you in such a fashion as you seemed to read a little while ago. As soon would a man desire to court the moon sailing in her silver loveliness through heaven. The moon? It is strange that you should compare me to the moon, she said musingly. Do you know that the moon was a great goddess in the old Egypt, and that her name was Isis, and, well, once I had to do with Isis. Perhaps you were there and knew it, since more lives than one are given to most of us. I must search and learn, for the rest all have not thought as you do, Alan. Many on the contrary love and seek to win the divine. So do I at a distance, Asha, but to come too near to it I do not aspire. If I did, perhaps I might be consumed. You have wisdom, she replied, not without a note of admiration in her voice. The moths are few that fear the flame, but those are the moths which live. Also I think that you have scorched your wings before and learned that fire hurts. Indeed, now I remember that I have heard of three such fires of love through which you have flown, Alan. Though all of them are dead ashes now, or shine elsewhere, too burned in your youth when a certain lady died to save you. A great woman that, is it not so? And the third, ah, she was fire indeed, though of a copper you. What was her name? I cannot remember, but I think it had something to do with the wind. Yes, with the wind when it wails. I stared at her. Was this Mamina myth to be dug up again in a secret place in the heart of Africa? And how the Jews did she know anything about Mamina? Could she have been questioning Hans or Umsloporgas? No, it was not possible, for she had never seen them out of my presence. Perhaps she went on in a mocking voice. Perhaps once again you disbelieve, Alan, whose cynic mind is so hard to open to new truths. Well, shall I show you the faces of these three? I can, and she waved her hand towards some object that stood on a tripod to the right of her in the shadow. It looked like a crystal basin. But what would it serve when you, who know them so well, believe that I drew their pictures out of your own soul? Or so, perhaps, but one face would appear, and that one strange to you. Lady Ragnall, perhaps. J.B. Have you heard, Alan, that among the wise some hold that not all of us is visible at once here on earth within the same house of flesh, that the whole self in its home above separates itself into sundry parts, each of which walks the earth in different form, a segment of life-circle that can never be dissolved and must unite again at last? I shook my head blankly, for I had never heard anything of the sort. You have still much to learn, Alan, although doubtless there are some who think you wise, she went on in the same mocking voice. Well, I hold that this doctrine is built upon a rock of truth. Also, she added after studying me for a minute, that in your case these three women do not complete that circle. I think there is a fourth, who is yet strange to you in this life, though you have known her well enough in others. I groaned, imagining that she eluded herself, which was foolish of me, for at once she read my mind and went on with a rather acid little laugh. No, no, not the humble slave who sits before you, whom, as you have told me, it would please you to reject as unworthy, where she brought to you in offering, as in the old days was done at the courts of the great kings of the east. Oh, fool, fool, who hold yourself so strong, and do not know that if I choose, before your shadow had moved a finger's breath, I could bring you to my feet, praying that you might be suffered to kiss my robe. Yes, just the border of my robe. Then I beg of you not to choose, Asha, since I think that when there is work to be done by both of us, we shall find more comfort side by side, and if I were on the ground seeking to kiss a garment, that doubtless then it would delight you to snatch away. At these words her whole attitude seemed to change. I could see her lovely shape brace itself up, as it were, beneath her robes, and felt in some way that her mind had also changed, that it had rid itself of mockery, and woman's peak, and like a shifting searchlight, was directed upon some new objective. Work to be done, she repeated after me in a new voice. Yes, I thank you who bring it to my mind since the hours pass and that work presses. Also I think there is a bargain to be made between us, who are both of the blood that keeps bargains, even if they be not written on a roll and signed and sealed. Why do you come to me, and what do you seek of me, Alan? Watcher in the night, say it truthfully, for though I may laugh at lies and pass them by, when they have to do with the eternal swordplay, which nature decrees between man and woman, until these break apart or, casting down the swords, seek arms in which they agree too well. When they have to do with policy and high purpose and ambitions ends, why then I avenge them upon the liar? Now I hesitated as what I had to tell her seemed so foolish, indeed so insane, while she waited patiently as though to give me time to shape my thoughts. Speaking at last, because I must, I said. I come to ask you, Asham, to show me the dead, if the dead still live elsewhere. And who told you, Alan, that I could show you the dead if they are not truly dead? There is but one, I think, and if you are his messenger, show me his token. Without it we do not speak together of this business. What token? I asked innocently, though I guessed her meaning well enough. She searched me with her great eyes, for I felt and indeed saw them on me through the veil, then answered, I think, nay, let me be sure, and half-rising from the couch, she bent her head over the tripod that I have described, and stared into what seemed to be a crystal bowl. If I read her right, she said, straightening herself presently, it is a hideous thing enough. The carving of an abortion of man, such as no woman would care to look on, lest her babe should bear its stamp. It is a charmed thing also, that has virtues for him who wears it, especially for you, Alan, since something tells me that it is dyed with the blood of one who loved you. If you have it, let it be revealed, since without it I do not talk with you of these dead you seek. Now I drew Sicalis talisman from its hiding place and held it towards her. Give it to me, she said. I was about to obey when something seemed to warn me not to do so. Nay, I answered, he will lend me this carving for a while, charge me that except in emergency and to save others, I must wear it night and day till I return it to his hand, saying that if I parted from it fortune would desert me. I believe none of this talk and try to be rid of it were on death drew near to me from a snake, such a snake as I see you wear about you, which doubtless also has poisoned in its fangs. If of another sort, Asha. Draw near, she said, and let me look, man, be not afraid. So I rose from my chair and knelt before her, hoping secretly that no one would see me in that ridiculous position, which the most unsuspicious might misinterpret. I admit, however, that it proved to have compensations since even through the veil I saw her marvellous eyes better than I had done before, and something of the pure outline of her classic face, also the fragrance of her hair was wonderful. She took the talisman in her hand and examined it closely. I have heard of this charm, and it is true that the thing has power, she said, for I can feel it running through my veins, also that it is a shield of defence to him who wears it. Yes, and now I understand what perplexed me somewhat, namely how it came about when you vexed me into unveiling, but let that matter be. The wisdom was not your own, but another's. That is all. Yes, the wisdom of one whose years have borne him beyond the shafts that fly from woman's eyes, the ruinous shafts which bring men down to doom and nothingness. Tell me, Alan, is this the likeness of him who gave it to you? Yes, Asha, the very picture, as I think, carved by himself, though he said that it is ancient, and others tell that it has been known in the land for centuries. So perhaps as he, she answered dryly, since some of our company live long. Now tell me this wizard's names. Nay, wait a while, for I would prove that indeed you are his messenger with whom I may talk about the dead and other things, Alan. You can read Arabic, can you not? A little, I answered. Then from a stool at her side she took paper or rather papyrus and a reed pen, and on her knee wrote something on the sheet which she gave to me folded up. Now tell me the names, she said, and then let us see if they tally with what I have written, for if so you are a true man, not a mere wanderer or a spy. The principal names of this doctor are Zikali, the opener of roads, the thing that should never have been born, I answered. Read the writing, Alan, she said. I unfolded the sheet and read Arabic words which meant weapons, cleaver of rocks, one at whom dogs bark and children wail. The last two are near enough, she said, but the first is wrong. Nay, Asha, since in this man's tongue the word Zikali means weapons, intelligence at which he clapped her hands as a merry girl might do. The man I went on is without doubt a great doctor, one who sees and knows things that others do not, but I do not understand why this token carved in his likeness should have power, as you say it has. Because with it goes his spirit, Alan. Have you never heard of the Egyptians, a very wise people who, as I remember, declared that man has a car or double, a second self that can either dwell in his statue or be sent afar? I answered that I had heard this. Well, the car of the Zikali goes with that hideous image of him which seemed to dream so much of him last night. Tell me now, what does Zikali want of me whose power he knows very well? An oracle, the answer to a riddle, Asha. Then set it out another time. So you decide to see the dead, and this old dwarf who is a home of wisdom desires an oracle from one who is greater than he? Good, and what are you, or both of you, prepared to pay for these boons? Know, Alan, that I am a merchant who sells my favourite steer. Tell me then, will you pay? I think that it depends upon the price, I answered cautiously. Set out the price, Asha. Be not afraid, O cunning dealer, she mocked. I do not ask your soul or even that love of yours which you guard so jealously, since these things I could take without the asking. Nay, I ask only what a brave and honest man may give without shame. Your help in war, and perhaps, she added with a softer tone, your friendship, I think, Alan. I think, Alan, that I like you well, perhaps because you remind me of another whom I knew long ago. I bowed at the compliment, feeling proud and pleased at the prospect of a friendship with this wonderful and splendid creature, although I was aware that it had many dangers, then I sat still and waited. She also waited, brooding. Listen, she said after a while. I will tell you a story, and when you have heard it you shall answer, even if you do not believe it, but not before. Does it please you to listen to something of the tale of my life which I moved to tell you that you may know with whom you have to deal? Again I bowed, thinking to myself that I knew nothing that would please me more, who was eaten up with the devouring curiosity about this woman. Now she rose from her couch, and descending off the days, began to walk up and down the chamber. I say to walk, but her movements were more like the gliding of an eagle through the air, or the motion over swan upon still water, so smooth were they and gracious, as she walked she spoke in a low and thrilling voice. Listen, she said again, and even if my story seems marvellous to you, interrupt and above all mock me not, lest I should grow angry which might be ill for you. I am not as other women are, O Alan, who have incongrued the secrets of nature. Here I felt an intense desire to ask what secrets, but remembered and held my tongue. To my sorrow have preserved my youth and beauty through many ages, moreover in the past perhaps in payment for my sins I have lived other lives, for which some memory remains with me. By my last birth I am an Arab lady of royal blood, a descendant of the kings of the east. There I dwelt in the wilderness and ruled a people, and at night I gathered wisdom from the stars and the spirits of the earth and air. At length I wearied of it all, and my people too wearied of me, and besought me to depart, for, Alan, I would have not to do with men, yet men went mad because of my beauty and slew each other out of jealousy. Moreover other peoples made war upon my people, hoping to take me captive that I might be a wife to their kings. So I left them, and being furnished with great wealth in hoarded gold and jewels, together with a certain holy man, my master. I wandered through the world, studying the nations and their worships. At Jerusalem I tarried and learned of Jehovah, who is or was its God. At Parfos in the Isle of Chittim I dwelt a while till the fork of that city, thought that I was Aphrodite, returned to earth, and sought to worship me. For this reason, and because I made a mock of Aphrodite, I, who, as I have said, would have not to do with men, she, through her priests, cursed me, saying that her joke should lie more heavily upon my neck from age to age than on that of any woman who had breathed beneath the sun. It was a wondrous scene, she added reflectively, that of the cursing, since for every word I gave back too. Moreover, I told the hoary villain of a high priest to make report to his goddess that long after she was dead in the world I would live on, for the spirit of prophecy was on main that hour. Yet the curse fell in its season, since in her day, doubted or not, Aphrodite had strength, as indeed under other names she has and will have while the world endures, and for all I know, beyond it. Do they worship her now in any land, Alan? No, only her statues because of their beauty, though love is always worshipped. Yes, who can testify to that better than you yourself, Alan, if he who is called Sikali tells me the truth concerning you in the dreams he sends. As for the statues, I saw some of them as they left the masters hand in Greece, and when I told him that he might have found a better model once I was that model. If this marvel still endures, it must be the most famous of them all, though perhaps Aphrodite has shattered it in her jealous rage. You shall tell me of these statues afterwards. Mine had a mark on the left shoulder, like two mole, but the stone was imperfect, not my flesh, as I can prove if you should wish. Thinking it better not to enter on a discussion as to Asha's shoulder, I remained silent and she went on. I dwelt in Egypt also, and there to be rid of men who wearied me with their besides and importunities, also to acquire more wisdom of which she was the mistress, I entered the service of the goddess Isis, queen of heaven, vowing to remain virgin forever. Soon I became her high priestess, and in her most sacred shrines upon the Nile, I communed with the goddess and shared her power, since from me her daughter she withheld none of her secrets. So it came about that though Pharaoh's held the scepter, it was I who ruled Egypt and brought it and seed unto their fall. It matters not how or why, as it was fated that I must do. Yes, kings would come to seek counsel from me where I sat thrown, dressed in the garbo Isis and breathing out her power. Yet my task accomplished, of it all I grew weary, as men will surely do of the heavens that they preach, should they chance to find them. I wondered what this task might be, but only asked why? Because in their picture heaven all things lie to their hands, and man being man cannot be happy without struggle and being woman without victory over others. What is cheaply bought or given has no value, Alan. To be enjoyed it must first be won, but I bade you not to break my thought. I asked pardon and she went on. Then it was that the shadow of the curse of Aphrodite fell upon me. Yes, and of the curse of Isis also, so that these twin maledictions have made me what I am. A lost soul dwelling in the wilderness, waiting the fulfilment of a fate whereof I know not the end. For though I have all wisdom, all knowledge of the past, and much power together with the gift of life and beauty, the future is as dark to me as night without its moon and stars. Harken, this chance to me, though it be to my shame I tell it you, that all may be clear. At the temple of Isis on the Nile where I ruled, there was a certain priest, a Greek by birth, bowed like myself to the service of the goddess, and therefore to wed none but her, the goddess herself, that is, in the spirit. He was named Calichratus, a man of courage and of beauty, such and one as those Greeks carved in the statues of their god Apollo. Never I think was a man more beautiful in face and form, though in soul he was not great, as often happens to men who have all else. And well nigh always happens to women, save myself and perhaps one or two others that history tells so, doubtless magnifying their fabled charms. The pharaoh of that day, the last of the native blood, him whom the Persians drew to doom, had a daughter, the princess of Egypt, Amanartas by name, a fair woman in her fashion, though somewhat swarthy. In her youth this Amanartas became enarmored of Calichratus and he of her, when he was a captain of the Grecian mercenaries at Farros court. Indeed she brought blood upon his hands because of her, wherefore he fled to Isis for forgiveness and for peace. Thither in after time she followed him and again urged her love. Learning of the thing and knowing it for sacrilege, I summoned this priest and warned him of his danger and of the doom which awaited him, should he continue in that path. He grew affrighted, he flung himself upon the ground before me with groans and supplications, and kissing my feet vowed most falsely to me that his dealings with the royal Amanartas were but a veil and that it was I whom he worshipped. His unhallowed words filled me with horror, and sternly I bade him be gone and do penance for his crime, saying that I would pray the goddess on behalf of him. He went, leaving me alone lost in thought in the darkening shrine. Then sleep fell on me, and in my sleep I dreamt a dream or saw a vision. For suddenly there stood before me a woman, butchess as myself, clad in nothing, save a golden girl and a veil of gossamer. O Asha, she said in a haunted voice, priestess of Isis of the Egyptians, sworn to the barren worship of Isis and fed on the ashes of her unprofitable wisdom. Know that I am Aphrodite of the Greeks, who many times thou hast mocked and defied, and queen of the breathing world, as Isis is queen of the world that is dead. Now, because thou didst despise me, and poor contempt upon my name, I smite thee with my strength and lay a curse upon thee. It is that thou shalt love and desire this man, who but now hath kissed thy feet, ever longing till the world's end to kiss his lips in payment, although thou art as far above him, as the moon thou surged is above the Nile. Think not that thou shalt escape my doom, for know that however strong the spirit, here upon the earth the flesh is stronger still, and of all flesh I am the queen. Then she laughed softly, and smiting me across the ice where the lock of her scented hair was gone. Alan, I awoke from my sleep, and a great trouble fell upon me, for I, who had never loved before, now was rent with a rage of love, and for this man, who till that moment had been not to me, but as some buttress image of gold and ivory. I longed for him, my heart was wracked with jealousy because of the Egyptian who favoured him, and eating flame possessed my breast. I grew mad. There in the shrine of Isis, the divine, I cast myself upon my knees and cried to Aphrodite to return, and give me him I sought, for whose sake I would renounce all else, even if I must pour my wisdom into a butchers empty cup. Yes, thus I prayed, and lay upon the grounds and wept until, outworn, once more sleep fell upon me. Now in the darkness of the holy place, once more they came a dream or vision, since before me, in her glories to the goddess, Isis, crowned with the crescent of the young moon, and holding in her hand the jeweled system that is her symbol, from which came music like the melody of distant bells. She gazed at me, and in her great eyes were scorn and anger. Oh Asha, daughter of wisdom, she said in a solemn voice, whom I, Isis, had come to look upon rather as a child than a servant, since in none other of my priestesses was such greatness to be found, and whom, in a day to be, I had purposed to raise to the very steps of my heavenly throne, thou hast broken thine oath, and forsaking me, hast worshipped false Aphrodite of the Greeks, who is mine enemy. Yeah, in the eternal war between the spirit and the flesh, thou hast chosen the part of flesh. Therefore I hate thee, and add my doom to that which Aphrodite laid upon thee, which hath thou prayed to me, and not to her I would have lifted from thy heart. Harken, the Grecian whom thou hast chosen by Aphrodite's will, thou shalt love, as the Parthian said, more thy love shall bring his blood upon thy hands, nor mayst thou follow him to the grave. For I will show thee the source of life, and thou shalt drink of it to make thyself more fair, even than thou art, and thus outpace thy rival. And when thy lover is dead, in a desolate place thou shalt wait in grief and solitude, till he is born again, and find thee there. Yet shall this be but the beginning of thy sorrows, since through all time thou shalt pursue thy fate, till it length thou canst throw up this man to the height on which thine own soul stands by the ropes of love and loss and suffering. Moreover, through it all, thou shalt despise thyself, which is man's and woman's hardest lot. Thou who, having the rare feast of spirit spread out before thee, has chosen to fill thyself from the throes of flesh. Then, Alan, in my dream I made a proud answer to the Goddess, saying, Hear me, mighty mistress of many forms who dost appear in all that lives. An evil fate has fallen upon me, but was it I who chose that fate? Can the leaf contend against the driving gale? Can the falling stone turn upwards to the sky? Or when nature draws it, can the tide cease to flow? A Goddess whom I have offended, that Goddess whose strength causes the whole world to be, has later curse upon me, and because I have bent before the storm, as bend I must, or break another Goddess whom I serve. Thou, thyself, Mother Isis, hast added to the curse, where then is justice, O Lady of the Moon. Not here, woman, she answered, yet far away, justice lives and shall be won, at last, and may have, because thou art so proud and high-stomach. It is laid upon thee to seek her blinded eyes through many an age. Yet at last I think thou shalt see thy signs against her weights, and find the balance even. Therefore cease from questioning the high decrease of destiny, which thou canst not understand, and be content to suffer, remembering that all joy grows from the root of pain. Moreover know this for thy comfort, that the wisdom which thou hast shall grow and gather on thee, and with it thy beauty and thy power. Also that at the last thou shalt look upon my face again, in token whereof I leave to thee my symbol, the system that I bear, and with it this command. Follow that false priest of mine, wherever he may go, and avenge me upon him, and if thou lose him there, wait while the generations pass till he return again. Such and no other is thy destiny. Alan, the vision faded, and when I awoke, the lights of dawn played upon the image of the Goddess in the sanctuary. They played moreover upon the holy jewel thing that in my dream her hand had held, the system of her worship, shaped like the loop of life, the magic symbol that she had vowed to me, wherewith goes her power, which henceforth was mine. I took it, and followed after the priest Calicratus, to whom thenceforward I was bound by passions ties that are stronger than all the Goddesses in this wide universe. Here I, Alan, could contain myself no longer, and ask what for, then fearing her wrath wished that I had been silent. But she was not angry, perhaps because this tale of her interviews with Goddesses, doubtless fabled, had made her humble, for she answered quietly. By Aphrodite or by Isis, or both of them I did not know, all I knew was that I must seek him, then and evermore, as seek I do today, and shall perhence through eons yet unborn. So I followed as I was taught and commanded, the system being my guide, how it matters not, and giving me the means, and so at last I came to this ancient land, whereof the ruin in which you sit was once known as Carr. End of Chapter 13 of She and Alan by H. Ryder Haggard. Read by Lars Rolander. Chapter 14 of She and Alan. All the while that she was talking thus, the lady, or the queen, or the witch-woman, Asha, had been walking up and down the place, from the curtains to the foot of the days, sweeping me with her scented robes as she passed to and fro. And as she walked, she waved her arms as an orator might do, to emphasise the more moving passages of her tale. Now at the end of it, or what I took to be the end, she stepped on to the days and sank upon the couch, as if exhausted, though I think her spirit was weary rather than her body. Here she sat a while broadening, her chin resting on her hand, then suddenly looked up and fixing her glance upon me, for I could see the flash of it through her thin veil, said, What think you of this story, Alan? Do you believe it? And have you ever heard its like? Never, I answered with emphasis. And of course I believe every word. Only there are one or two questions that, with your leave, I would wish to ask Asha. By which you mean, Alan, that you believe nothing, being by nature without faith, and doubtful of all that you cannot see and touch and handle. Well, perhaps you are wise, since what I have told you is not all the truth. For example, it comes back to me now that it was not in the temple of the Nile, or indeed upon the earth, that I saw the vision of Aphrodite and of Isis, but elsewhere. Also, that it was here, in core, that I was first consumed by passion for calicratus, whom hitherto I had scorned. In two thousand years one forgets much, Alan. Out with your questions, and I will answer them, unless they be too long. Asham, I said humbly, reflecting to myself that my questions would at any rate be shorter than her varying tale. Even I, who am not learned, have heard of these goddesses, of whom you speak, of the Grecian Aphrodite, who rose from the sea upon the shores of Cyprus, and dwelt at Paphos and elsewhere. Yes, doubtless like most men you have heard of her, and perhaps also have been struck across the eyes with her hair. Like your betters before you, she interrupted with sarcasm. Also, I went on avoiding argument. I have heard of Isis of the Egyptians, Lady of the Moon, Mother of Mysteries, Spouse of Osiris, whose child was Horus the Avenger. Aye, and I think we'll hear more of her before you have done, Alan. For now something comes back to me concerning you and her and another. I am not the only one who has broken the earth of Isis and received her curse, Alan, as you may find out in the days to come. But what of these heavenly queens? Only this, Asha, I have been taught that they were but fantasy, fabled by men with many another false divinity, and could have sworn that this was true. And yet you talk of them as real and living, which perplexes me. Being dull of understanding, doubtless it perplexes you, Alan. Yet if you had imagination, you might understand that these goddesses are great principles of nature. Isis of thrown wisdom, and straight virtue, and Aphrodite of love, as it is known to men and women, who, being human, have it laid upon them, that they must hand on the torch of life in their little hour. Also you would know that such principles can seem to take shape and form, and at certain ages of the world appear to their servants visible in majesty, though perhaps today others with change names will their sceptres and work their will. Now you are answered on this matter. So to the next. Privately I did not feel as though I were answered at all, and I was sure that I know nothing of the kind she indicated, but thinking it best to leave the subject I went on. If I understood rightly, Asha, the events which you have been pleased first to describe to me, and then to qualify or contradict, took place when the pharaohs reigned. Now no pharaoh has sat upon the throne of Egypt for near two thousand years for the last was a Grecian woman whom the Romans conquered and drove to death. And yet, Asha, you speak as though you have lived all through that gulf of time, and in this there must be error because it is impossible. Therefore I suppose you to mean that this story has come down to you in writing or perhaps in dreams. I believe that even in such far-off times there were writers of Romans, and we all know what stuffed dreams are made. At least this thought comes to me, I added hurriedly, fearing lest I had said too much. And one so wise as you are, I repeat, knows well that a woman who says she has lived two thousand years must be mad or suffer from delusions because, I repeat, it is impossible. At these quite innocent remarks she sprang to her feet in a rage that might truly be called royal in every sense. Impossible? Romans? Dreams? Delusions? Mad? She cried in a ringing voice. Oh, of a truth you wear in me, and I have a mind to send you whether you will learn what is impossible and what is not. Indeed, I would do it, and now only I need your services. And if I did, there would be none left for me to talk with. Since your companion is Moonstruck, and the others are but savages of whom I have seen enough. Harkent fool, nothing is impossible. Why do you seek you who talk of the impossible to girdle the great world in the span of your two hands and to weigh the secrets of the universe in the balance of your pity mind and of that which you cannot understand to say that it is not? Life, you admit because you see it all about you, but that it should endure for two thousand years, which after all is but a second speed in the story of the earth, that to you is impossible, although in truth the buried seed or the sealed uptoad can live as long. Doubtless also you have some faith which promise you this same boon to all eternity after the little change called death. Nay, Alan, it is possible enough, like to many other things of which you do not dream today that will be common to the eyes of those who follow after you. May help you think it impossible that I should speak with and learn of you from John the Old Black Wizard who dwells in the country once you came. And yet, whenever I will, I do so in the night because he is in tune with me, and what I do shall be done by all men in the years unborn. Yes, they shall talk together across the wide spaces of the earth, and the lover shall hear her lover's voice although great seals stroll between them, nor perhaps will it stop at this. Perhance in future time men shall hold converse with the densions of the stars, and even with the dead who have passed into silence and the darkness. Do you hear and understand me? Yes, yes, I answered feebly. You lie, as you are too pruned to do. You hear, but you do not understand, nor believe, and oh, you fix me sorely. Now I had it in my mind to tell you the secret of this long life of mine. Long, mark you, but not endless, for doubtless I must die and change and return again like others, and even to show you how it may be won. But you are not worthy in your faithlessness. No, no, I am not worthy, I answered, who at that moment did not feel the least desire to live two thousand years, perhaps with this woman as a neighbor, rating me from generation to generation. Yet it is true that now when I am older and a certain event cannot be postponed much longer, I do often regret that I neglected to take this unique chance, if in truth there was one, of prolonging an existence which after all has its consolation, especially when one has made one's pile. Certainly it is a case, a flagrant case, of neglected opportunities, and my only consolation for having lost them is that this was due to the uprightness of my nature, which made it so hard for me to acquiesce in alternative statements that I had every cause to disbelieve and thus to give offence to a very powerful and petulant, if attractive lady. So that is done with, she went on with a little stamp of indignation, as soon you will be also, who, had you not crossed and doubted me, might have lived on for untold time and become one of the masters of the world as I am. Here she paused, choked, I think, with her almost childish anger, and because I could not help it, I said, Such place and power, if they be yours, Asha, do not seem to bring you much reward. If I were a master of the world, I do not think that I should choose to dwell unchangingly among the savages, who eat men and in a pile of ruins. But perhaps the curses of Aphrodite and of Isis are stronger masters still, and I paused inquiringly. This bold argument, for now I see that it was bold, seemed to astonish and even bewilder my wonderful companion. You have more wisdom than I thought, she said reflectively, who have come to understand that no one is really lord of anything. Since above there is always a more powerful lord who withers all his pomp and pride to nothingness, even as the great kings learned in olden days, and I, who am higher than they are, am learning now. Harken, troubles beset me wherein I would have your help and that of your companions, for which I will pay each of you the fee that he desires. The brooding white man who is with you shall free his daughter and unharned, though that he will be unharned I do not promise. The black savage captain shall fight his fill and gain the glory that he seeks, also something that he seeks still more. The little yellow man asked nothing, saved to be with his master like a dog, and to satisfy at once his stomach and his apish curiosity. You, Alan, shall see those stead over whom you brought at night, though the other garden that you might have won is now passed from your reach because you mock me in your heart. What must be done to gain these things, I asked? How can we humble creatures help one who is all powerful and who has gathered in her breast the infinite knowledge of two thousand years? You must make war under my banner and rid me of my foes, as for the reason listen to the end of my tale and you shall learn. I reflected that it was a marvellous thing that this queen who claimed supernatural powers should need our help in a war, but thinking it wiser to keep my meditations to myself said nothing. As a matter of fact, I might just as well have spoken, since, as usual, she read my thoughts. You are thinking that it is strange, Alan, that I, the mighty and undying, should seek your aid in some pity-tribal battle, and so it would be where my foes but common savages, but they are more. They are men protected by the ancient god of this immemorial city of Kor, a great god in his day whose spirit still haunts these ruins and whose strength still protects the worshippers or cling to him and practice his unholy rites of human sacrifice. Who was this god named, I asked. Risu was his name, and from him came the Egyptian Ri or Ra, since in the beginning Kor was the mother of Egypt and the conquering people of Kor took their god with them when they burst into the valley of the Nile and subdued its people long before the first pharaoh, Manus or Egypt's crown. Ra was the son? Was he not, I asked. Ah! And Risu also was a sun god whom from his throne in the fires of the Lord of Day gave life to men or slew them if he willed with his thunderbolts of draught and pestilence and storm. He was no gentle king of heaven, but one who demanded blood sacrifice from his worshippers. Yes, even that of maids and children. So it came about that the people of Kor who saw the virgin slain and eaten by the priests of Risu and their infants burned to ashes in the fires that his race lit turned themselves to the worship of the gentle moon, the goddess whom they named Lullala and some of them choose truth for their queen. Since truth, they said, was greater and more to be desired than the fierce sun king or even the sweet moon lady. Truth, who sat about them, both thrown in the first stars of heaven. Then the demon Risu grew wroth and sent a pestilence upon Kor and its subject lands and slew their people, save those who clung to him with great apostasy and with them some others who served Lullala and truth, the divine that escaped, I know not how. Did you see this great pestilence? I asked, much interested. Nay, it befell generations before I came to Kor. Juan Junis, a priest, wrote a record of it in the cave's gonder where I have my home and where is the barring place of the countless thousands that it slew. In my day, Kor, of which, should you desire to hear it, I will tell you the history, was a ruin as it is now, though scattered in the lands amidst the tumble stones which once built up her subject cities. A people named the Amahagar dwelt in households or tribes and there sacrificed men by fire and devoured them following the rites of the demon Resu. For these were the descendants of those who escaped the pestilence. Also, there were certain others, children of the worshippers of Lullala whose kingdom is the moon and of truth the queen who clung to the gentle worship of their forefathers and were ever at war with the followers of Resu. What brought you to Kor, Asha? I asked irrelevantly. Have I not said that I was led hither by the command and by the symbol of great Isis whom I serve? Also, she added after a pause, that I might find a certain pair one of whom had broken his oath to her tempted thereto by the other. And did you find them, Asha? I asked. I found them, or rather, they found me. And in my presence the goddess executed her decree upon our false priest and drove his temptress back to the world. That must have been dreadful for you, Asha, since I understood that you also liked this priest. She sprang from her couch and in a low hissing voice which resembled the sound made by an angry snake and my blood cold to hear exclaimed, Man, do you dare to mock me? Nay, you are but a blundering, curious fool. And it is well for you that this is so since otherwise like calicratus never should you leave Kor living. Seize from seeking that which you may not learn. Suffice it for you to know the doom of Isis fell upon the lost calicratus, her priest force-worn, and that on me also fell her doom who must dwell here, dead, jet-living, till he return again and the play begins afresh. Stranger, she went on in a softer voice, for hence your faith, whatever it be, parades a hell to terrify its worshippers and give strength to the arms of its prophesying priests who swear they hold the keys of doom or of the eternal joys. I see your sign ascent. I had nodded at her extremely accurate guess, and therefore can understand that in such a hell as this here upon the earth I have dwelt for some two thousand years expiating the crime of powers above me whereof I am but the hand and instrument, since those powers which decreed that I should love decree also that I must avenge that love. She sank down upon the couch as though exhausted by emotion, of which I could only guess the reason, hiding her face in her hands. Presently she let them fall again and continued, of these woes ask me no more. They sleep to the hour of their resurrection, which I think draws nigh. Indeed, I thought that you, perhaps, but let that be, to us nearer the mark, nearer, Alan, than you know, not in it. Therefore leave them to their sleep as I would, if I might, ah, if I might, whose companions they are throughout the weary ages. Alas, that through the secret which was revealed to me, I remain undying on the earth, who in death might perhaps have found a rest. And being human, although half-divine, must still busy myself with the affairs of earth. Look you, wanderer, after that which was fated had happened, and I remained in my agony of solitude and sorrow. After, too, I had drunk of the cup of enduring life, like the Prometheus of old Fable, found myself bound to this changeless rock, where on day by day the vultures of remorse tear out my living heart, which in the watchers of the night is ever doomed to grow again within my woman's breast. I was plunged into petty troubles of the flesh. I unwelcome them, because their erg at times gave me forgetfulness. When the savage dwellers in this land came to know that a mighty one had arisen among them, who was the servant of the Lady of the Moon, those of them who still worshipped their goddess Lulala, gathered themselves about me, while those of them who worshipped Rezu sought to overthrow me. Here, they said, is the goddess Lulala come to earth? In the name of Rezu let us slay her and make an end, for these fools thought that I could be killed, Alan. I conquered them, but their captain, who also snamed Rezu, and whom they held and hold to be an emanation of the God himself walking the earth, I could not conquer. Why not, I asked. For this reason, Alan, in some past age his God showed him the same secret that was shown to me. He too had drunk of the cup of life and lives on unhorned by time, so that being in strength my equal, no spear of mine can reach his heart, clad in the armor of his evil God. Then what spear can? I inquired helplessly, who was bewildered. None at all, Alan, yet an axe may, as you shall hear, or so I think. For many generations there has been peace of a sort between the worshippers of Lulala who dwells with me in the plane of Korra or rather of myself. Since of these people I am Lulala and the worshippers of Rezu who dwell in the strongholds beyond the mountain crest. But of late years their chief Rezu, having devastated the lands about, has grown restless and threatened to attack on Korra, which is not strong enough to stand against him. Moreover, he is sought for a white queen to rule under him, purposing to set her up to mock my majesty. Is that why those cannibals carry away the daughter of my companion, the sea captain, who is named Avenger? I asked. It is Alan. Since presently he will give it out that I am dead or fled if he has not done so already and that this new queen has arisen in my place. Thereby he hopes to draw away many who cling to me ere he advances upon Korra, carrying with him this girl veiled as I am so that none may know the difference between us, since not a man of them has ever looked upon my face Alan. Therefore this Rezu must die if die he can. Otherwise, although it is impossible that he should harm me, he may slay or draw away my people and leave me with none to rule in this place where by the decree of fate I must dwell on until he whom I seek returns. You are thinking in your heart that such savages would be little lost and this is so. But still they serve as slaves to me in my loneliness. Moreover I have sworn to protect them from the demon Rezu and they have trusted in me and therefore my honor is at stake for never shall it be said that those who trusted in she who commands were overthrown because they put faith in one who was powerless. What do you mean about an axe, Asha? I asked. Why can an axe alone kill Rezu? The thing is a mystery, O Alan, of which I may not tell you all. Since to do so I must reveal secrets which I have determined you shall not learn. Suffice it to you to know that when this Rezu drank of the cup of life, he took with him his axe. Now this axe was an ancient weapon rumored to have been fashioned by the Gods and as it is chanced that axe drew to itself more and stronger life than did Rezu. How it does not matter if indeed the tale be more than a fable. At least this I know is true for he who guarded the gate of life a certain noot, a master of mysteries and mine also in my day of youth who, being a philosopher and very wise, choose never to pass that portal which was open to him. Said it to me himself ere he went the way of flesh. He told this Rezu also that now he had not to fear save his own axe and therefore he counseled him to guard it well. Since if it was lifted against him in another's hands it would bring him down to death which nothing else could do because whereof the great Homer sings have you read Homer Alan? In a translation I answered Good! Then you will remember the story like to the heel of a killis I say that axe would be the only gate by which death could enter his invulnerable flesh or rather it alone could make the gate. How did noot know that? I asked. I cannot say she answered with irritation perhaps he did not know it perhaps it is all an idle tale but at least it is true that Rezu believed and believes it and what a man believes is true for him and will certainly befall. If it were otherwise what is the use of faith which in a thousand forms support our race and holds it from the horrors of the pit only those who believe nothing inherit what they believe nothing Alan. It may be so I replied precisely but what happened about the axe? In the end it was lost or as some says stolen by a woman whom Rezu had deserted and therefore he walks the world in fear from day to day nay ask no more empty questions I had opened my mouth to speak but here the end of the tale in my trouble concerning Rezu I remembered this wide legend of the axe and since when lost in a forest every path that may lead to safety should be explored I sent my wisdom forth to make inquiry concerning it as I who am great have the power to do of certain who are in tune with me throughout this wide land of Africa amongst others I inquired of that old wizard whom you named Sicali opener of roads and he gave me an answer that there lived in his land a certain warrior who ruled a tribe called the people of the axe by right of the axe of which axe none not even he knew the beginning or the legend on the chance though it was a small one I bade the wizard send that warrior here with his axe last night he stood before me and I looked upon him and the axe which at least is ancient and has a story whether it be the same that Rezu bore I do not know who never saw it yet perhaps he who bears it now is prepared to hold it aloft in battle even against Rezu though he be terrible to see and then we shall learn oh yes I answered he is quite prepared for that for that is his nature also among this man's people the holder of the axe is thought to be unconquerable yet some must have been conquered who held it replied musingly well you shall tell me that tale later now we have talked long and you are weary and astonished go eat and rest yourself tonight when the moon rises I will come to where you are not before for I have much that must be done and show you those with whom you must fight against Rezu and make a plan of battle but I do not want to fight I answered who have fought enough and came here to seek wisdom not bloodshed first the sacrifice then the reward she answered that is if any are left to be rewarded farewell end of chapter 14 of she and Alan by H. Ryder Haggard read by Lorsch Rolander