 Welcome to Finding Respect in the Chaos. I'm Cynthia Lee Sinclair on ThinkTekHawaii.com. So glad you've joined us today. I am here with Kristi Hong and Erika Antelon. Sorry, I always get that one right and I didn't want to introduce you to say it the wrong way from the Domestic Violence Action Center and it is so wonderful to have them here today with us and we are going to watch in the very beginning here a little video that I got to make at the Domestic Violence Action Center and some of the programs that they've got available for survivors and for victims out there. So if anybody needs something, this is the place to come for sure. If you would roll that footage for us, that would be great. This job of addressing domestic violence is much, much bigger than we are and there's a role for every sector to play. Our healthcare, our business, our elected leaders, everybody in their way can join us and be a part of the journey to bring peace to island families. You may think it doesn't have anything to do with you. Close your eyes for one moment and think about your community and know that in your community domestic violence is impacting somebody, a coworker, a neighbor, a family member. We started as a very, very small agency in 1990 with two part-time staff. There are now 52 of us. My name is Chelsea Stewart. I am a campus survivor advocate for the Windward and Honolulu Community College campuses. The victim or survivor could be a student, faculty, or any other staff member. So everyone assumes a domestic violence and to me partner violence is just physical but there's so many more non-physical aspects as well so it could include financial, emotional abuse as well as physical and sexual abuse as well. Some of the services that I do include a court accompaniment, I do a lot of safety planning every day with people that I interact with. Some people have more dire needs than others, sometimes they work with police often, help my clients get restraining orders from the courts, sometimes I just help them make sure that they're getting scholarships or helping them get different forms of financial aid. There's definitely a need, anyone could be a victim of domestic violence, a lot of people assume that victims, you know, they're poor, they don't work, they don't have any education but that's not the case at all, anyone could be a victim and it'd be surprising to see the need for services in the university systems and like I said, it doesn't affect your students but there are a lot of people that work for the universities as well that do need the help and support. I'm Wendy. I'm an Alakali advocate here at the Domestic Violence Action Center. I work primarily with adults, ages 22 and up. I had one client just recently, she was an immigrant, very young, the first time I met her she came in, eyes puffy, scared, worried, distraught and she was new to the island, she didn't have any support system, she didn't have a place to stay because her abuser took all of that away from her. So we worked with her, we worked with her on getting her safety, we worked with her on getting financial help, medical, we even taught her how to catch the bus here because her abuser didn't want her to know how. I'm Lidia Pavan and I manage the advocacy program of this agency and I've been here for 13 years. When I was in the Philippines I grew up witnessing my mom being abused by my father so when I was still in the Philippines I had always been saying I want to be an advocate without really knowing what it meant and when I came to Hawaii I found the ad for an advocate in this agency I immediately applied and here I am. So in the span of 12 years that I have helped say 100 clients and everybody's praying for me then that's a blessing. I just hope that domestic violence is not just a personal thing or a private thing that it is the moral obligation of every member of society to help because it affects the whole society as a whole. And you guys are going to let us know if you think the statistic is true or if you think it's false, okay? Sound good? Okay, ready? Who wants to read the first one? President or something. About 20% of high school students in Hawaii report being controlled or emotionally hurt over the past 12 months. Alright, what you guys think, is that true or is that false? If a student was to come up to us on the spot we can provide brief advocacy and information, resources, things like that. We do have our teen advocate Keshay who also works one-on-one with folks who are being abused ages 12 to 21. It's not as maybe on the spot as the safe on scene program is because teens basically reach out for support in crisis. And so it might be abusive but they don't feel like it's as crucial in the moment to get that sort of advice and support. But when things do get dramatic and violent then a lot of times that's when they're needing the help. I mean one really important thing I think about TAP is that we take teen relationships serious. We did put together a toolkit recently with the headline young love is real love and we like to you know give the students the hope that they can be in healthy relationships, they can help each other out, they can be supportive to one another and they can also help prevent violence in their communities and that it needs to start on that level so that we can have adults in the future who know how to properly treat each other as well. I'm Erica. I'm the LGBTQ plus advocate with DVAC. We do a lot of advocacy work specifically for the LGBTQ plus community. We support them in any way possible in regards to helping them overcome their trauma and working with them you know being the guiding light in that sense and any support they may need through emotional needs or anything we are there for them. One more thing I'd like to share to the people of Oahu and the community and the colleges as well. The people here and myself we love what we do. We're willing to help people. Personally I do what I do is because I'm the guiding light for those who feel like they're in the dark and they feel like they're treading water and they can't breathe in that sense so we're the ones that you know will be by your side and work with you to give you hope and make you realize that there's hope out there for you and then you can get through what you're going through. So in the end she is officially divorced. Her immigration status we're almost there we're almost done and safety the order for protection went through and I seen her yesterday I held to her told her that we're coming to a close soon and she cried with me and I mean when I when I seen her come in yesterday she was smiling from ear to ear radiant as can be head held high confident really confident. Welcome back to the show I hope you enjoyed that video I know that I'm so impressed with all the programs that are available at DVAC and how important it is for people to understand that there are these kinds of programs available and these resources that are available. So I'm going to turn this over here to get you guys involved here instead of just the video and you were so great in that video Erica I'm telling you I loved it my favorite part is return I go one more thing absolutely love that part but what I'd like you to do here for us now is to tell us a little bit more about what you do with the LGBTQ plus stuff what's some of your best programs that work I know we don't have you know an hour show it's just a half hour show so maybe pick out some of the best ones to share with us that'd be great. Yes so within domestic violence action center there's about nine programs and so the LGBTQ plus advocacy program it's a new program that just started off in the fall of last year 2017. Yeah so the uniqueness of that it's specifically to help members who experience intimate partner violence if they're in a any type of relationship so intimate partner violence and domestic violence doesn't just happen to heterosexuals as well. We want to show and share with the people in the public that it also happens to LGBTQ plus individuals. Sure it does and like you say I like the way you put it intimate partner violence instead of just domestic violence I think that intimate partner violence is a better description of what it really is and what we're dealing with. And to add to that with intimate partner violence specifically with LGBTQ plus there is a power and control energy that happens with that and so there's a lot of power control out there that our viewers can see and what goes on so if you picture of a person being in the center having that power and control they exert different type of tactics and then show red flags about unhealthy and abusive relationships specifically to their partner if they're a lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, pansexual, asexual, allies and so forth. Right because it's all about power and control. That's what it's always about I have a story that I've been working on writing for a while and I call it the interchangeable part theory because all abusers seem to have the same interchangeable parts. They look a little different they cross socioeconomic lines and gender lines and age lines but they all do the same things. They control who you know, where you go, what you do nothing you do is good enough. Everything's always your fault. They're always sure you're cheating on them. I think it stems from a real deep insecurity that's inside them, right? Yes Well, I know that we're going to come back and talk a little bit more about this in just a minute because we're going to take a break but this is finding respect in the chaos on thinktecowae.com and I really hope you'll stay with us we'll be right back. Hi everyone, I'm Andrea Gabrieli the host for Young Talents Making Way here on Think Tech Hawaii we talk every Tuesday at 11 a.m. about things that matters to tech, matter to science, to the people of Hawaii with some extraordinary guests, the students of our schools who are participating in science fair. So Young Talents Making Way every Tuesday at 11 a.m. only on Think Tech Hawaii. Mahalo Hey, hello everybody. Thanks for joining us on Think Tech Hawaii. I'm your host Andrew Lanning, the security guy. I host a program called Security Matters Hawaii and I hope you'll join us on Fridays. We air at 10 a.m. and we're going to be talking about those security things that really should be important to you and maybe get behind the scenes on some things that you may not know about the industry or about products or even about your habits. Security is all about people, processes and products and we hope to bring that to you in an informative and hopefully useful way. So again, 10 a.m. on Fridays, Security Matters Hawaii on Think Tech Hawaii. Join me. Thank you. Hello, welcome back. I am Cynthia Lee Sinclair. This is Finding Respect in the Chaos on ThinkTechHawaii.com. I'm so glad that you're here with us today. We are here today with Erica and Christie from the Domestic Violence Action Center and Erica, why don't you tell us a little bit more about some of these programs. I know the definition, so now we get a better idea of what it is that your program deals with and can you give us some idea of what you kind of do, what some of the programs are? Sure. So when a victim comes forward it takes a lot out of a victim to come even reach out and seek help. Especially for individuals LGBTQ plus because not only are they discriminated against and they're experiencing intimate partner violence, there's other layers an additional abuse discrimination that comes with it. Sure, I would think that society would just kind of turn a blind eye even though because there's so much, like you said, discrimination against that, right? In regards to that, yes. And also what the members of the community face specifically LGBTQ is the things about outing someone when they're not ready. Oh, right. I didn't even think about that, sure. Not only that is their they attack also their identity, so they identify as a specific, either a lesbian, like myself, and then they're discriminated against so in regards to that and then to add to that being in a relationship where there is violence there's a whole area of being either sexually abused, economically abused, psychologically, emotionally, the whole like nine yards. Right, and economical abuse is something that I don't think a lot of people really understand but when someone controls your money they control you, you can't go anywhere, you can't do anything and so I think people don't quite realize how important that is and so I know it's been added to the official definition of domestic violence now that is financial coercion is one of them, right? Yes, definitely financial coercion I think also mainly their identity as well that's the one that and it really underlines and attacks the emotional aspect of one's being. So when they become victims, so for example if you were a very bubbly person confident, once you engage into a relationship that involves domestic violence, you lose a piece of yourself, your self esteem, your identity and all that areas. Right, and so your programs help people to get that built back up again? Yes, our program, LGBTQ plus program helps specifically finding resources for them in regards to either addressing any legal matters if they need to find housing because their abuser kicked them out they have a temporary restraining order on the victim itself they'll try to do that as well and try to get kicked out of the house and then they have no place to go so they have to resort to either living on the streets or finding resources in regards to helping them. So I know that some people actually quite a few people have issues with the temporary restraining orders with the TROs. Is that something that's even harder for the LGBT community too than it is I mean just because it's all about the judges and if they've got any kind of bias against that community then they're not going to be able to get them as easily is that an issue at all for you guys? There is an issue and however it's also very delicate so what we offer too is providing education and providing awareness sorry and doing outreaches just to inform in all areas of our community from private to public entities to get it out there that intimate partner violence doesn't just happen to specific population it can happen to LGBTQ plus as well. Right to anyone absolutely anyone oh my gosh okay Chris you've been sitting there waiting so long and I want to hear about the stuff that you're doing too because I know you're the immigrant advocate so and I know we've got a lot of immigrants here in Hawaii so what kind of stuff do you guys do with the immigrants there in your program? So we're part of the same new program specialized advocacy services at DVAC and so the service you said it's so fast I want to make sure everybody gets that specialized advocacy services SAS program okay and so this program came out of a need realizing that these specific members of the community LGBTQ plus and immigrants face different kinds of challenges different kinds of barriers to reach and help and so Erica just describes sort of what barriers LGBTQ plus might face in accessing help but immigrants also face a very complex situation we talked about the power and control wheel so one major way that abusers could control and exert power over a victim is through their immigration status and so for a lot of victims who come into the states married to a US citizen who is also an abuser the abuser can exploit that situation and say I'm not going to go for the citizenship interview for you I'm not going to file your immigration papers and then you know sometimes victims might just stay with undocumented status because their abusers didn't or said they wouldn't file for lawful immigration status for them and that's a major way that abusers have used the immigration system in fear of deportation to control their victims. Sure that's huge even too I would think oh my gosh that's like in there with the financial coercion and the emotional sort of subtle stuff that's hard to stand up and say look at my bruise you know and so that's why people I think that our victims end up being silenced like that because they can't so I you know I was abused in my marriage and and I had the bruise to show and I often thought you know about other people that don't have the bruise to show what do they do and when he would abuse me emotionally same kind of thing it's like you can't go look at my bruise because it's not there you're just raw on the inside but so and I'm sure that happens for immigrants because there's what do you do who do you talk to I mean I would imagine there's a language barrier. Yes language barriers are huge and sometimes immigrants don't know that they have access to interpreters so if they need to file a police report they need to call 911 they can also ask the police to bring an interpreter or have an interpreter available to them whether by phone and so that's that's a very big barrier that that language piece and also just not knowing what rights you have as an immigrant in the States. I'm an immigrant and just it was hard for our family to know like what we could do like in terms of accessing like help legal help and I think that's also another big barrier just not knowing whether you can call the police and what happens if you know you're undocumented like can they get that out and then what's going to happen after that so a lot of people don't seek help because they think that they they can't access the help that they need right and they might end up getting deported back to where they came from and they don't want that so they just get stuck and stay. Yeah. Wow where did your family come from? Korea. Oh nice. Well how long have you been here? I've been here since I was four so since I was really little. Yeah right well then you're the perfect person for this job too because you understand it from inside out right. Just say both of you guys are both the perfect people for your job because you can really understand from a deep place instead of just the book learning I have found anyway in the past that I could go out on calls with my head mentor guy and he's got the doctorate and he's got all the stuff but because I was you know a fellow survivor when I would go out people would just instantly relate to me and we'd be leaving and he'd be like how do they know? I don't know they just know because you just relate you say things differently you feel things differently you understand it in a different way and I think that's so important for victims to know that so that they can get to be survivors right because they all start sort of as victims and then when they get out to the other side and they realize that they don't have to be stuck in that one day I'll be good enough syndrome I'm always saying that. My biggest thing that I'm always pounding the table about is that I think we need to teach our kids right so if we teach them young what healthy relationships look like then maybe in the future like Kalii was saying on the video that maybe we'll have adults that know how to treat each other properly when it gets to that point we might have to wait a few years but you know if we can just invest in it now right I know for the schools the high schools and stuff the LGBTQ stuff is LGBTQ plus I always forget the plus sorry but I know that that's a big thing in the high schools right now one of domestic violence I can send this program to in a way which you've interviewed so they're only prevention entity that actually you know goes out to the schools and try to work with the students and display and show what are healthy relationships supposed to be as opposed to watching things you know we have access to everything that is violent and shows everything as opposed to something watching something that shows what is a healthy relationship that has respect that shows you know they love each other and they trust each other right those are like the three most important things even we're almost out of time Christy do you have one more thing you'd like to maybe add here for the immigrant stuff that you work with excuse me um you know there are very real barriers but there are resources available we have the Hawaiian Immigrant Justice Center that provides free services for immigrants to file for immigration remedies so that they don't depend on their abuser for immigration status and they can educate them about what sorts of options are available for them even though might take a long time to go through the process and come out as a permanent resident or a citizen of the states ultimately and then at DVAC we also have connections with other resources for that immigrants can access and just and making sure that they connect with those and access that help because the help is available I'm so glad you guys came on the show today I want to have you back especially since this is a new program as you guys progress with it and I know you're going to be successful and I just really am grateful that you guys came on I'm grateful that you gave me the opportunity to come out to the office and do some filming I want to do some more I want to be great I want to partner with you guys I got all kinds of ideas so I want to say thank you to everyone for coming here to join us at Finding Respect in the Chaos we're always looking for respect and the Domestic Violence Action Center sure does find it without a doubt so I hope you'll come back and join us again on thinktecawaii.com I'm Cynthia Lee Sinclair thanks for being here