 Hello and welcome to the Art of Thinking Smart. We're in the studios of ThinkTech here in beautiful downtown Honolulu. And we have a very interesting guest with us today. In this program, what we try to do is capture successful people in full stride for half an hour and consider, take a step back from the details of what they're actually doing into the substance of why they're doing it, how they're doing it, and where it goes. So the art of thinking smart is being able to think two or three steps ahead and maybe even think all the way through your entire identity in your career. So there are proven techniques and habits that successful people have that allows them to execute their vision effectively on a day-to-day basis. And we have Chris Miller here who's had a long career in high technology and media and spends a good deal of time advising individuals and organizations on how to be effective. So he's an excellent person to tell us, how are you effective? Chris, what makes you effective in your profession? Well, I think I've been really fortunate to get access to tools to help me know myself pretty well. And early on I took a strength finders test. You might be familiar with strength finders. And I found that in my technology business I had set myself up around my strengths. I was optimizing my nature, optimizing my strengths automatically. And I think that's one of the real things that really helps people. I've found that so many people there live in their lives according to values outside their nature and that that really gets in the way. So what is the strength finder? How can people access that? How can they learn more about it? Well, strength finders is probably one of the most successful business testing assessments out there. It was a book of the year in the early 2000s and it's an assessment of what optimizes you. So if we Google it, we can find out about the test and maybe take the test online or something. Strengthfinders.com. So give us an example. What were your strengths that you were optimized around that this test detected? Well, you take a test that's going to in about 30 minutes tell you your top five strengths. I've expanded upon it. But the Gartner Group did an assessment of strengths and through maybe two or three million people that they assessed. And they found that we all have some 32 strengths that are some of them surprising. Like my first strength is connection. I didn't even know connectedness was a strength. So I look at and understand and relate to people according to how we are all related. I see the relationship between all things, for instance. I have a knowing that everything happens for a reason. And so when I look at people on the connector to other people, I tend to look at how to relate and understand the people based upon who they are. My other strengths are strategy, responsibility, maximize, I know how to maximize other people's strengths and ideas. So I suppose by inference, this test will also reveal your weaknesses and things that you shouldn't center yourself around. No, not at all, actually. But the number 32 on the list would presumably be weaker than the number one on the list. Well, that's correct. And I've taken you can spend more money and find out where all those strengths lie. But the conventional wisdom now is focus on your strengths and forgets your weaknesses. Because, for instance, if you have someone that loves doing something that's not your strength, they will naturally do far better than you. You can't even hope to come close to their capacity by doing what they're doing. And so why not focus on those things that you have the greatest capacity to succeed with. So do you implement that approach in the groups and businesses that you work with? Frequently. With my teams and anybody I'm doing a lot of work with, I tend to ask for them to take the test. Because then I understand where they're going to naturally excel. And that's just one aspect. I think that as we know ourselves, and we know what we like, and we know what we would just love doing no matter what. And so it's not just about, Oh, I, you know, I make a lot of money doing this. It's what do I really have time just disappear doing? Like if I'm in love doing something, then, you know, I'm enjoying. And so and it's really been found that if you look at innovation, for instance, where I happened to really like to play, the innovators tend to be more connected to what they're doing, rather than to certain type of outcome that's going to give them a certain kind of experience. So give us a little microscope into the life of Chris Miller. One thing that we found in the course of doing many programs like this, is that successful people have a view of their day. When they rise, when they move, when they lunch, when they work and dinner and so on, there's a kind of a rhythm, there's a set of habits, which of course may vary according to circumstance. But what is the what is the template of an ideal day for Chris Miller? How do you, how do you begin? And how do you end? Well, I'm a morning person. And so I have a whole bunch of morning practices that, you know, have to do with self care. And in kind of moving towards greater consciousness, I want to learn how to be as present as I can be. In fact, one of the things I said to a teacher of mine recently was I'd like to live a story for your life. Meaning I want to be so present with life that I'm not in my mind about it, I'm able to be really, really here in the moment. And so a lot of what I'm doing has to do with self care practices that keep me from being overly full. Like as you saw me arrive being rather flustered, having a hard time getting here. How do I get reconnected to now and to being so present that all the other mind stuff goes away. And the more present I am, the more capacity I have to really So how do you do that present centering thing? Is there a breath? Is there a visualization, a posture? Well, it's a number of things for me. So I have practices around gratitude, I have practices around releasing what I'm holding, I have practices around really becoming centered. I use nature, I use music, I use breath, I use a variety of things. I know forgiveness is one of the things that you do. And we have a shot of the homepage of the Hawaii Forgiveness Project. Yes. And you were instrumental in helping to produce the annual Forgiveness Festival just this past weekend. Talk to us a little bit about forgiveness and how that works into, let's say, a business process. There's a company, does it need to, and the people in it, do they need to incorporate forgiveness in order to be effective? Well, I found that forgiveness is not really recognized fully for what it is. Like my capacity to be present is really a statement of how much forgiveness I have. So if I can't be present, I'm resisting something. And if I'm resisting something, there's something to forgive. Okay, so and that might be my expectations of myself, my interpretation of life. So I see forgiveness as being a tool to really help me understand what's going on in my own head and heart, and what can I do to get more presents? So this morning, for example, you were delayed by some other people who didn't do things that they were supposed to do at the time that they were supposed to, and you were coming in a few minutes late to the studio, you had to forgive them, right? Yes. In order to come and sit and be centered here, you couldn't dwell on the fact that they caused me to be late at tense. Well, I have practices around judgment, for instance, that also help. Like anything that I'm judging is a statement for me of a shadow self issue. So if I, for instance, had a judgment about the people that were late this morning, that's really reflecting a part of myself I don't like. How does that work? Well, I'll give you an example. I was I've been teaching nonviolent communication for about 10 years. Right. And we have a slate on that too about that organization. Yeah, have a look at that while you speak. And I use all these tools and technology and my technology business around organizational development because they're all tools, right? But there was a woman that was coming to a practice group I was leading, and I really couldn't stand her. She come into the room in 10 minutes, I was like, please, God, get me out of here. And she really pushed my buttons. And I came to recognize that it wasn't about her. She was reflecting my inner life issues. She was reflecting the things about myself I didn't like. And I was projecting them back. She was a mirror for me. So what I did was I spent time and this was something that I learned from Marsha Rosenberg around judgment and releasing the judgments. And it took me probably a couple hours associated with her. Now I tested it. This woman is a therapist. I taught three classes with her. And people were so surprised at how I could connect with her, she didn't bother me at all. They actually thought I was in relationship with her because I could tease her. It was really quite fun. I could say thanks to her crimson red. And so she was a great teaching vehicle for me. And we're able to release that shadow that you had with her. That's right. That's right. And so whenever I have something going on, I still have judgments I get to work on. You know, then it's an opportunity for me to clear myself of those judgments. And it's like I reclaim a piece of my own spirit. How far does that extend? I mean, let's our criminal justice system in our courts are designed to judge right and they're designed to punish and they don't work. There is a rapist who clearly everyone disapproves of his or his conduct. Absolutely. How would a person with true nonviolent communications deal with that shadow of the rapist in the relationship and your natural aversion to that person's conduct? Well, it's a great example because Marshall talked about how he would be working with men who had sexually abused their daughters. And then they would say something, and he'd have them together to try to work through to help them understand and, you know, effectively change. And they would say something that would trigger him, you know, really callous or insensitive to their children. And then he'd say 10 minute break, because he wanted to take he wanted to kill them. But what he found was that the essence of the energy that they were reflecting, you know, like I haven't killed anybody, but I've been very angry. Right. So I go find the essence of that energy in myself and I look for where I have projected that on to others. And I can find that I've done harm to I'm a human being. And you know, there's sometimes when I'm a jerk is sometimes I'm a nice guy. So in your business process development, climbing down off of a rapist, there can be a manager who is just obnoxious in the eyes of one or more employees, somebody who just doesn't do things in an effective way and abuses people's confidence and makes demands and so on. So you can have a group of people who all have that same shadow. How would you approach that sort of situation? Well, I tend to move towards shared needs in times of working with with companies and groups. And I can give you example. I was working with a minister who is working for a nonprofit and she's working with end of life situations and counseling people who are dying. And she comes to me every once in a while and she said that her boss said I want you to double the number of people you've seen a week. And she was in despair because for her it's all about meaning. And the people that she's supporting are are there on their terms. It's not about her. She supports them until they make the shift or they come into acceptance till they let go of whatever is holding them so they can have a peaceful transition. So I said, well, what's the need of your boss? Well, the boss has a need for effectiveness and she needs statistics to go out and get the money that's going to fund the nonprofit. The the minister's need was meaning. So I said, well, let's hold both of these needs as sacred and let's come up with a strategy that supports both. Well, in her case, and like most of us, she couldn't see beyond her own needs. She saw that she'd have to give up her meaning in order to satisfy her boss. But I knew that there was another possibility. So I said, well, let's play around with this for a minute. Is there a time that you're meeting with families where it's really kind of a more of a general support around the death and transition of a family member and and all these qualities that every family has in common about such an experience? She said, yes. I said, could you get four or five families in a room together at one time and that you can do that information discussion with all these people at the same time? She said, yes. I said, would that now leave you all the time you need to have the intimate time with the people who are dying as much as they need? She said, yes. So that's all the problem. But this is now a shared needs discussion about how do you make sure that you're being inclusive? You need people who are willing to sit and go through that process. We're willing to take the time and have the patients, the open mindedness to engage. Not necessarily. You see, like I gave a public talk to a group of personnel managers, mostly bankers. And at the end, I gave an empathy session. And this woman, she brings a life wound into the conversation in front of all these bankers. It was really surprising, but she was stuck. And most people would think, well, this is going to take a lot more time. It actually takes less. So in her case, she had a mother who had abandoned their family at five years old. Mom's still around, but they don't see her. And so this woman had become kind of the family mother at five years old for her younger siblings. And mom is still around and mom now sends a Facebook friend request to one of the nieces. So now she's, you know, really afraid that what's going on and she's been hyper vigilant and paying attention all her life. So we had a 10 minute conversation in front of these bankers. She walked all the way through it. She got to see that on the other side, she had been the one that had been the caretaker. And she'd always done a good job and she wouldn't continue to make sure. So she just had to get connected to what was going on and that she was fine. What do you think it was about that occasion, that meeting that gave her the confidence to bring that up? I mean, I'm sure she didn't wake up that morning saying, I'm going to go to this bankers conference and I'm going to talk about this issue. Well, I think this because it was something that really had her by the throat. Yeah. And you know, in this case. But something uncorked it at that moment. What was that? Well, her ability to have a unrestricted and present connection with someone who could allow her to really wind her way through the whole thing. So you being the connection doctor, you were the one who gave her the permission to. Yeah. And the support. And she was surprised that she even brought it up. She was my backup empathy support. She's the vice president of this community. Okay. So it was for everybody was surprised. Well, and then it was only a few of the men because this is was mostly a women's organization. The women all felt comfortable with the fact that they could be present for 10 minutes and walk through in the midst that we can't do that. It's not professional. I said, Well, how much time did this take? Did she lose any work? Did she become unproductive? You know, now just to be present for 10 minutes, isn't this worth it? Yeah. That's a new practice. Yeah, it's accepting that being vulnerable and it's not being weak. Exactly. Yeah. That's a tough one for a lot of people to get past. It is. And then, you know, but in the great teams and the great organizations, you know, the good, the great model is the team is everything. So we have to have connection and really heartful support of life with our team members. Because when we do, they're much more likely to give their hearts and go beyond if there's let's put a pin in it right there. Take a brief break here from some of the people who support this program. And we'll be right back with Chris Miller. This is Think Tech Hawaii raising public awareness. We have this crazy thing going on today. I was just walking by and all these DJs and producers are set up all around the city. I just walked by and I said, what's happening guys? They told me they were making music. We're back with Chris Miller. Now during the break, Chris and I were talking and you were beginning to say something more about this minister. Do you want to pick up that thought and complete it? Well, you know, there's some people that really have much more challenging lives and that, you know, if you think about someone who's ministering to the dying, I think that would be one of the harder things, you know, or the social workers that are dealing with, you know, the impoverished or with the mentally ill or the people that are really suffering physically. So these people really need a lot of extra support in order to be able to succeed as compared to you know, we in business, you know, we have a lot of different kinds of problems, but the needs are really the same. How do we start to identify our own self care practices that maximize our abilities? And then how do we create community, especially in business, that is going to, you know, be mindful and considerate because we're all going to have death in our families. We're all going to have illness that we have to contend with. We all have these various challenges. And when we have the greatest amount of connection, then we have this great possibility of a much better life because who do we spend most of our time with? You know, people we work with. Yeah, that's true. So if you can think back to yourself as a young boy, four, five, six, seven years old, I mean, somewhere around in there, you might have come up with the idea that you would like to do this type of work. You might not have had a name to put to it, or it might have been later. Can you think back to the signal event or the time in your life when you realized this is what you wanted to be? You wanted to be Chris Miller, the connection guy? Well, I had a couple of things I think in early life that really helped me immensely. One was I had a paper route that gave me an ability to run a business 11 years old and three college scholarships, two trips to Disney World. And it gave me a chance to have a lot of connection with people in, you know, in various ways. And then Boy Scouts were really fundamental for me. And I ended up being an Eagle Scouts and getting a lot of support there. So both were fantastic for me. So that gave you a vision of who you might be able to be as an effective person? Well, I think that my nature is to be heart based. So I tend to follow what feels right. So you might say I felt my way through life. And so, you know, when it came to all the various things that really have to find me, it's been about well, what supports me. And that's actually how I got better. I was at one point sick. I had what was called an incurable illness, and I got better by feeling my way through it. And so, you know, really trusting my own spirit to guide me. Can you talk a little bit more about that? Sure, sure. I had a doctor tell me my life was over and that I needed to have other people take care of me. And I did some radical transformation. I gave up sugar, alcohol, caffeine, became vegan. And then I got such a clean, you know, body system that I could feel everything. And then I started trying all these alternative support systems. And I found a collection of them that kind of led me to health. And then a miracle of healing. Yeah. What was one of those techniques or paths that you explored in that time? Well, actually, one we brought to the forgiveness program. Master Wong was one of my healers. I created a healing team. I only had one rule. I go out because I was so clean inside, I go try something and I tried anything. And if it felt good, I'd try it again. So I ended up with a collection of practices that all were very supportive of me. Master Wong, 18th generation chief master was one of those people that just was an exceptional healer. So I got to know the healing community very well. And he was one of the people that helped me come to even a greater understanding of my inner life in that way. So he lives and works within the community here in Honolulu. Yes. And most people may not know what Qi Geng is or who Master Wong is. He's a Tao philosopher and practitioner and healer. Talk to us a little bit about what that means to be to be in the Tao and the fundamental of his life work view. Well, he is one that explains it as a function of energy. So I, for instance, took him to a family friend's father who had a massive heart attack. And he said everyone said he was going to die and he was in a coma for two weeks. And the family finally after at the end, because they were really Christian of the variety that they didn't really trust these alternatives so much. But after the doctor said he's not coming back, they let me bring Master Wong a couple times. And Master Wong just looks at everything as it's the energy too much or too little. So if there's not enough energy, he adds energy. If there's too much energy, he kind of frees it up to move. It's just moving energy. He moves it. He moves it. So after the second healing session, Master Wong said he's going to be better. How would people find Master Wong here online? Is there a website? Well, he's mostly retired now. But you know, there's other people that do these kinds of things. He is actually a lineage holder of the whole Dallas tradition. In fact, I think your wife's going to meet him shortly. But you know, there are these exceptional people that give us new ways to, you know, work our way through things. And he was one that really helped me. So if people wanted to Google something, they could Google Master Wong, Dao, Honolulu, and some links would come up. Yes. And I think he still offers classes occasionally. But you know, I ended up studying healing and he was one of the people that has been a pivotal teacher after I got better at the very corner of Chinese civilization, the very root of Chinese civilization. And so much can be understood about China, if you understand where that root comes from, is everything that they're doing today is an expression of that fundamental philosophy. Yes. Yeah. So we've come to the end of our time together here. It seems like it was just a few minutes ago that we started to talk. You have any final words that you can share with the audience about being an effective, peaceful person? Do it, it takes to really give yourself the time and space to arrive with all the ones you really love the most, with your heart open enough that you can really be with them. So notice what you're holding and how much you're holding. And so if you're, if you rate, I rate myself on a scale of one to 10 all through the day. And if I get to be at a six, I stop everything and clear myself. So I noticed that for years I thought six was a one, because I was so full all the time. So now before I arrived to those that I really care about most, I have practices that I release. So my heart is really able to be present with them and offer, you know, the real care and love and attention that I want to share with them. That's tremendous. Thank you so much, Chris. Thanks, Michael. Good to spend time with you. And we'll be back again soon with another episode of The Art of Thinking Smart. Aloha.