 Good morning, Hank. It's Tuesday. Good morning, Jack! He's here. It's a reunion spectacular. Oh, I feel like you're getting stronger as you get older. Oh, got it. Well, thanks. I feel like there's some, well, Hank, if you had a chance to rename Twitter, what would you name it? Here's the brand. Okay. Careful exclamation point. Careful, careful, careful. What are your go-to 2021 holiday gifts? A nice towel. Yeah, a good towel is great. You know what I would recommend? Signed copies of the Anthropocene Reviewed Book, which are available with a special zine written by me that contains an all-new review and also written by lots of other people at dftba.com, link in the doobly-doo, all proceeds go to charity. I wanna move the camera further away from us so that we are both in frame. What is the thing about yourself that you dislike the most? Let's switch it around. What is the thing about the other person that you dislike the most? What's one of the ones that people say in interviews? I think John cares too much. Yeah. I think he just cares too much if he works too passionately. Yes. I would say that both Hank and I are a little much. Oh yeah. I mean, I have spent a lot of time wondering what the inside of your head is like over the years, because you're the person I've known the longest. It's funny to realize that the inside of heads are very different. Even the other day, you tweeted that you don't feel guilty for your thoughts. You sent me a follow-up text to try to explain. I was worried. Yeah, yeah. You were like, I don't want you to think that I'm like a bad person. And I was like, no, I don't think you're a bad person. I think you're enlightened. You can have a thought and understand that it's just a thought that a thought is not an action. Right. And I would be totally embarrassed if people knew about the thought, but they don't. Yeah. You understand that they don't. Just like an ocean. It's an ocean of thoughts. Yeah. But then you pick up one little drop of water and you're like, oh, this thought is very dangerous and weird and I don't like it. And so I'm gonna keep thinking about it. And then there are now there are two drops of water and now there are four and now there are 16 and now there are 32 and et cetera. I do that, but with sock sales techniques. Serious question, not related to question Tuesday. Do you think you can take your talent for selling socks? Which I would argue is genuinely unparalleled and apply it to coffee. It's a different challenge. Can you do it, Hank? But I bet I could. I love that self belief. I had a great book sales idea, John. Great, what was it? For like when Anthropocene review was whitelisted or whatever. Whitelisted. Whitelabled. Whitelabled. When the publisher is like, we have too many of these. When it is remaindered. My idea is to instead of signing them. Yeah. Sign $2 bills and call it a $2 discount. Oh, that's good. One time I was at a book sorting facility and they were like, there's a copy of your book, Paper Towns. Here's the machine where through an algorithm or whatever, it either gets kicked into this row and goes back to the warehouse or it goes down this chute to be pulped in a machine that looks like the garbage compactor from Star Wars. I wonder what's gonna happen with your book, Paper Towns. You watched it? I watched it get kicked on to the conveyor belt and then, and then chomped. Were they like, that's normal on fun? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were like, that's the way the cookie crumbles. Hank, what do you want to be when you grow up? Oh, I think an author. I would love that. I can't guarantee that though because I don't know if I can write a book. I know I can write two specific books. Yeah. I know I can write the books I've already written. I always thought that once you write a book you know how to do it. You don't. I know as little about how to write the book that I am currently writing as I knew about how to write Looking for Alaska 15 years ago. Yeah, it's so different. Or actually, 18 years ago. Oh God, we have to go. Hank, I'll continue to see you right now. Shit. You're fine. You're doing great. We're all gonna die.