 For the safety of your smile use pepsidon twice a day see your dentist twice a year Lever Brothers Company presents the pepsidon show my friend Irma created by Cy Howard and starring Marie Wilson as Irma With Joan Banks as Jane Friendship, friendship Just the perfect friendship when other friendships have been forgot There's will still be hot Before we're all be saying goodbye to 1948 Broadway will be lit up like the 4th of July and a million people will be jam-packed around Times Square Armed with noisemakers and horns waiting for midnight so they can blow their brains out Which reminds me of my roommate Irma Peterson. There is a girl who must have overdone it When I don't get me wrong Irma is wonderful. She's sweet and and a warm-hearted girl, and I love her It's just that Well, for instance, sometimes she does the oddest things like this note. She left for me. Dear Jane I have gone to the beauty parlor. Please come at once because I need your advice desperately If you take a cab tell a driver to drive carefully. I'm having a shampoo and the streets are wet You see what I mean So little mother Stacy is wasting no time in getting down to the beauty parlor Miss Peterson all finished and I must say you look adorable with that new short bob. I must say oh, thank you Yes, and please wrap it up as a gift. It's for my uncle. He doesn't have any Manicure, please Peterson you look so depressed. I'm very unhappy. I have to make a decision and I don't like to hurt anybody Excuse me. I want to get another nail file. Oh, Jane. Oh, sweetie How do you like my head? It's adorable honey, but your note. What's wrong? Well before I tell you you better make an appointment for a finger wave right away for heaven's sakes What for do you hear what I have to say it might make your hair stand on end? I'll keep my hat on now. Tell me sweetie. What's wrong? Why do you look so so miserable? Well, as you know, you know Alan I've been keeping steady company for five years. What about it Jane? I'm giving him up you You're kidding. No, I'm not I love Al But in all those years he has never worked and he's never looked for a job and he's turned down every job that was ever offered to him That's right. No, I don't like to make snap judgment, but I've been thinking it over and I've come to a conclusion About Al. Yes, I think he's a lazy Bully for you Irma Peterson. Well now what? Well, I'm breaking off with him Well, Jane you might at least say I'm doing the right thing. Oh honey I don't want to say anything every time the two of you break up. I'm in the middle with both of you drowning me with tears I have to tread water to keep them going down, but Jane this time. I mean it Well, all right Irma, then I'm all for it. Well now come on sweetie. Let's get out of here and try to forget your troubles What a gorgeous afternoon Irma let's window shop. Oh, I don't think that's exciting sure it is honey All the stores are having after Christmas sales. Oh, look at that sign men's suits cut in half That's only good if you have two short fellows Can we go somewhere and talk I feel funny my stomach feels empty and I think it's gone to my head Well, here's the gypsy G room Come on, let's drop in and say hello to Professor Kropotkin My two little sweet Hello, professor my day. It's quiet in here. Yeah, we ran out of soup early today Sit down girls sit down our fiction ice-cop a tea. Oh, that sounds good. Tell me girls What will you have lemon or cream with your tea neither? We both take it straight But you got to put something in it. I know I'll put in a dash vodka. Why our tea is so terrible You got to put something in it to kill the taste Professor I'll fix it up. I'll be back in a minute. Yeah, I feel better already. That's good, sweetie But Irma, I want you to realize something you're breaking off with Al you're a boyfriend And it's no fun being without a guy especially with new years coming. Oh, I won't be alone I have a new boyfriend a new one. Yes Melvin Baxter, I'm seeing him tonight. He's fine and upright and ambitious and honest always 178 pounds saves his money is healthy and strong comes from a fine family likes dogs You know all that when did you meet him yesterday? Oh Jane he's so nice. Well, what does he do for a living? Well, he's um He's a mechanical man ball bearing or dinoflow I don't know. I guess I'm kind of working in an airplane factory Jane tell me you wish me happiness. I'm so confused honey Not because New Year's is coming, but all year at any time of the year I wish you all a happiness anyone could wish anybody. Oh, Jane. You're the best best friend a girl ever had You couldn't be a better friend if I was a man. You were a dog Thanks loads Well, here is the tea How nice your hair looks you're going out tonight without no professor Al and I have cut off our relatives She means severed relations I Professor Irma has a new boyfriend. Who is that so? I'm a darling. I'm so glad for you Not that I got anything against Al, but you're too nice a girl to be stalled Now Mrs. O'Reilly is different. She looks like she belongs in a stall But enough with this woman If I find little darling the old professor is going to play his violin for you to help cheer you up I'll play something very sentimental Isn't that sweet Irma? Oh, yes Professor, why do you play with your eyes closed? I have to It isn't easy to play beautiful music and at the same time Look at the place like this They played that song the night Al and I had our first date You know, I can't help thinking of Al He may have had his faults, but he was always willing to share him with other people What he was so big hearted I remember the time he took me to the zoo He bought two bags of peanuts one for me one for the elephants He was always kind to dun amoles Time he took me out for a chinese dinner sneaking leeching nuts off a fruit stand is not my idea of a chinese dinner Resturant everything was served in real chinese style. You know, we both ate from the same bowl So cute that's romantic, but I didn't get to eat much. Why not? Well, alex explained to me that among the native chinese the women eat with just one chopstick Memories I hate him Well, how did you like that girls? It was wonderful professor, and I'm sure it took Irma's mind off of Al Well, come on Irma. We better start home so you can get ready for your date tonight At the apartment and Irma is really excited about her date with her new boyfriend melvin baxter I have never seen anyone so anxious to make an impression She has a plan She has the book of knowledge in one hand the dictionary in the other hand An ice pack on her head and she's sitting on the hot water bottle Oh, I get it This must be Irma's way of showing melvin that she is understanding has a warm heart and keeps a cool head Gesundheit Oh, now she's on another kick this one. I can't figure out She's sprawled on the sofa with one arm flung to the side her head loosely hanging over the edge One foot is propped up on the table. Oh, this beats everything. Irma. I give up What is this gruesome charade supposed to be? I'm practicing so when melvin comes in I can show him that I'm unattached But pick up the pieces there must be another way Oh jean, I don't know what to do. That doesn't even know I'm going to break off with him I'm so confused A girl can't have two boyfriends because it doesn't look right for a single girl to go out on a double date Irma when you see Al just be honest Who is it? It's me chicken. You're loving Al Uh, just a minute I don't know how to tell him tell him the truth You're tired of wasting your time on a man who refuses to work and from now on you're playing the field All right, I'll let him in Hi you chicken Al I refuse to work him from now on. I'm playing in the field with a man That's what you told me. Wait a minute. What's going on here? Uh, goodbye kids jay Chicken what's this all about Al chicken? What do you mean explain? Remember that Tarzan of the apes picture? We saw where the lady ape left her ape husband was carried off by a gorilla and lived happily ever afterwards Well, what about it Al? I don't want you to be hurt, but I have found another gorilla Do this to me. My love is too strong. Oh, well, what do you know about love chicken? Do you know how deeply I feel toward you? How like a salmon Is that good? Chicken, do you know why the salmon fights to get upstream of a treacherous falls rocks and and raging whirlpools? Of course Ali's anxious to get to the cannery It's love blind relentless love the same feeling I have for you It's too late now We've wasted a lot of time and we're no closer than when we first met I have to think of my future. So I found a new boyfriend Well chicken That's the way you feel. I I guess there's nothing I can do to change it But if you pick up the morning papers and see my name heading the obituary column You may be sorry. No, I won't Al. I wish you all the fame and fortune you can get Run the tip of your tongue over your teeth If you feel a slippery coating you have film on your teeth And you need pepsidon with erium to remove it for film is worse than you think Film collect stains that make your teeth look dull. Pepsidon toothpaste removes film Makes your teeth look bright film harbors germs that cause unpleasing breath Pepsidon removes film makes your breath fresh and clean film glues acid to your teeth The very acid many dentists agree is the cause of tooth decay Pepsidon toothpaste removes film and the acids it contains film never lets up it forms continually on your teeth Yes, you have to fight film every day So brush your teeth twice a day with pepsidon toothpaste Because no other toothpaste can duplicate pepsidon's film removing formula No other toothpaste contains erium or pepsidon's gentle polishing agent the toothpaste with an exclusive formula for removing film The apartment Erma's eyes were a little red But she seems to be bearing up quite well In fact, she's so excited about preparing for melvin's arrival. She hasn't time to think about al The dinner table is set for three and the roast looks scrumptious Jane yes, sweetie Well, you please move that footstool over in front of the door while I put this pillow in front of the sofa If I haven't sex Erma, what for well when melvin comes in and trips over the footstool He'll land on the pillow in front of the sofa where i'll be sitting and before he can get up from his knees I'll say I do Besides he's liable to break his leg and sewers for everything we've got Don't try any tricks, honey. Just be be sweet and alluring alluring Uh, I know i'll just spray this stuff over the sofa. Erma peterson. Are you out of your mind? That's my new bottle of 20 carat perfume I know but carrots are good for the eyes and when we're sitting here in the dark melvin I'll still be able to see each other For all you're an attractive girl It isn't necessary for you to throw yourself at the man Well, you know best jane. What should I do? Well for one thing you're you're too forward You should be well Retiring but jane. I can't quit my job until after we're married Let me put it another way honey. You just can't go around wearing your heart on your sleeve Oh, I see what you mean jane and I'll try but gosh, what if I forget only in that case We'll have a little signal of I'll just say uh the your sleeve and that will mean you're wearing your heart on it Okay, yes, I'll remember fine. Let's see now candles are lit on the table Fresh flowers in the vase Uh-oh, what's wrong jane al's picture. You'd better get that out of here before melvin arrives That's right. I know I'll put al's picture in the refrigerator the refrigerator Yes, my girlfriend amber says a girl should never discard any of her boyfriends completely She said you should always have one on the ice Melvin, now remember sweetie, don't wear your heart on your sleeve. Oh, I won't uh, oh miss I'd like to have you meet my roommate jane stacey. It's a pleasure. Thank you And miss emis told me so much about you that you seem like an old friend Oh, I'm so glad you feel that way melvin because jane's going to be my bridesmaid when we get married Irma No, jane. I didn't mean us. I met melvin and I I Deviation line it must be fascinating words. Yes, I find it so there are many things necessary to ensure the proper takeoff of the plane For instance, they must head into the wind That's where I stand. Gee that's dangerous Do you ever get hit? Dear me. No, I'm in charge of the wind tunnel Every plane must be tested before we send it into the air. It's quite a responsibility Yes, I imagine Let me show you this watch It was presented to me by the president of our company Go ahead Read the inscription on the back of it. Well, let's see. Hmm in appreciation for 10 years of faithful Unswerving steady wind Melvin you must be tired No, I have two tremendous fans Oh jane, isn't he wonderfully dances too? Don't you think it's time we serve dinner? Oh, yes, I I hope you like my cooking melvin because that's the way to a man's stomach Irma, uh, your sleeve. Oh, no, not through the sleeve. That's the long way Am I uh missing something? No, no, no, no, just sit down and eat. Oh, I'm sorry I can't stay for dinner. I meant to tell you sooner, but when I get started talking about my work I forget everything else I hope you'll forgive me. Oh Melvin with it depending on me to be there I have to test the straining point of a new cross rib construction on the wing tips Well, we're having spare ribs and asparagus tips. Would that help? No, but the test will only take about an hour if it's all right with you. I'd love to come back Goodbye Jane yes, sweetie. What do you think of him the, uh, wind king Yeah, well, I uh, I don't know. Come in. Hello, Mrs. O'Reilly. Oh, thank you, Irma darling I just had to take a peek at your new boyfriend. It's me woman's curiosity Excuse me, Mrs. O'Reilly. You are blocking the driveway Oh, it's you professor. Where did you come from? Well, you were watching from behind the staircase I was speaking from the broom closet The broom closet? Yes, and if the rent isn't any higher, I'd like to exchange it for the room I live in The broom closet's so much roomier Oh professor, you're always complaining. Oh, Mrs. O'Reilly, professor, you haven't told me how you like my new boyfriend Oh my darling, he looks like a very nice fellow, but it's hard to tell a book by its cover Take the cashier we used to have at the Gypsy Tea Room Outwardly, he had all the appearances of a perfect gentleman. He was polite, kind, courteous But we were all very much disappointed in him. Why? When he robbed the safe, he didn't even leave us a thank you note Don't mind the professor, Irma. I saw your boyfriend and he looks like a fine lad Reminds me of a boy I went to school with Bill, he was very fun to me. We were always seen together or we were inseparable He became quite a fellow that Buffalo Bill No, no, no, no, no, no, hold it, Mrs. O'Reilly, hold it, don't get mad at me. Remember, I'm taking you to a movie tonight You've got the passes Come on, my little mountain How dare you, you didn't let me finish Come on, my little mountain goat Goodbye girls Gosh, Jane, I wish Melvin had stayed for dinner Oh, that Melvin, Irma, you really picked a winner. Well, come on, let's eat before everything spoils Guess you're right. As they say to the victor belongs to spoils Lady, that was a wonderful dinner you cooked. Wasn't it night just the two of us being here alone? Now you didn't miss Al, did you? No Irma, you're sniffling. That's because I'm expecting to peel onions later in the evening Yes? A telegram for Miss Peterson 240 collect. Oh, here you are. Uh, keep the change. Thanks It's a telegram, Jane. A telegram? It's for me. Collect. Oh, collect. Well, what does Al have to say? Well, I'll read it to see, uh Dear Irma, as I stand here in the unemployment line with no one to urge me on I get the feeling all my success is in vain So since you have cast me aside, it leaves me with one Alteration alternative Alternative And therefore I'm going to jump off the hoboken pier The night watchman is a very dear friend of mine and he will give me permission I will wait until 1130 before taking the fatal leap Signed Harry. That's hurry Jane Forget it, honey. The only time Al ever jumped was when someone offered him a job Hold it, sweetie Hello. Hello, Jane. This is Al. We'd like to talk with chicken. It's for you, honey Johnny Weismuller What is it Al? I hear you talk honey. You can afford to be independent now Melvin will be back soon and and you'll have a lovely time with him Hello miss Stacy Hello, miss Irma. Oh, hello Melvin. Uh, did you finish the test? Oh, yes, everything was quite satisfactory Well, we could still make a late movie if you'd like good idea I know one. I think you'd like I saw it in the movie section. It's just been released again Gone with the wind Wonderful gun. Oh, what's wrong? I forgot to shut the wind off in tunnel three Oh, you must excuse me, but we'll date some other day. My job comes first Break honey, but I'm sure it'll work out Irma, who are you writing to the Lonely Hearts Club? How does this sound questionable young man? Don't think that you were safe from film Nearly everyone has it Just run the tip of your tongue over your teeth If you'll feel a slippery coating that's film and you'd better get pepsident toothpaste to remove it For film collect stains that make teeth look dull It harbors germs that cause unpleasing breath Film glues acid to your teeth The very acid that many dentists agree is the cause of tooth decay And remember film never stops forming. No, it never lets up So brush your teeth twice a day with film removing pepsident No other toothpaste contains irium or pepsidence gentle polishing agent No other toothpaste can duplicate pepsidence film removing formula Get pepsident toothpaste with irium today Irma has quite a problem. She's given one man the air and all she gets from the other man is wind However, she seems to be taking it all in stride Right now she's arranging the photographs of each of the men in her life Melvin's picture is on the mantle piece And Al's picture she's put on top of an old broken radio. We have in the closet Irma. Uh, yes, Jane What's the idea of putting Al's picture on that radio? Well, because he seemed to match neither one of them worked It brings me every time I think there might be a little sense in the mind of my friend Irma Irma is produced and directed by Sy Howard and stars Marie Wilson as Irma with Joan Banks as Jane Mark Levy writes the script with Stanley Adams and Roland McClain And it's brought to you by pepsident toothpaste with irium another fine product of lever brother's company The part of Al was played by John Brown Hans Kahn beat his professor for potkin and Gloria Gordon was heard as mrs. O'Reilly Music was under the direction of lead buskin It's Wendell Niles speaking The risk brisk flavor, that's what you get in Lipton tea Yes brisk flavor that picks you up brings you back alive in a hurry Brisk flavor that comes from Lipton's very special blending of the finest orange pico and pico teas Try it you will find that this brisk flavor of Lipton's leaves you refreshed and ready to go again And you can enjoy it often because even wonderful tea like Lipton's costs less than any drink except water Always ask for Lipton tea the brisk tea with that heartwarming Lipton lift Tune in one hour earlier next week and listen to the Lux Radio Theater followed by the pepsident show My friend Irma. This is CBS the Columbia Broadcasting System